Listen to Episode

Read Episode Transcript

This special live episode from The Garage at Sirius XM is sponsored by Chevy. I had a Chevy truck once. You did? Yeah, it was vintage. It was 1952. I had a 1952 Chevy and it was a green, sort of a farm machinery green. That's really cool. It was such a great truck. It was an electric. No, it was not, because it was built in 1952. Okay. And yes, that was great. That was fun, but it's time to move into the future. It is. Yeah. Electric vehicles. Chevy is all over it. Chevy has EVs. That's what I call electric vehicles. EVs for everyone. I coined that phrase. No, you didn't. They make electric vehicles for every kind of life stage and every kind of budget. Here's the idea. Chevy is the brand for the people. Yeah. So we bring our show to the people. That's a cool thing that you did. Yeah. The people on stage and the people at home. You're, where are the people on stage? That's right. And then we, did you figure that out yourself? Did you get help? Yeah. No, Chevrolet has always been, of course, trusted with transportation needs for the last 100 years. Can you believe that? What? Chevy has always been there for you before. Who better to take care of you in the next phase of electric vehicles? I can't thank anybody. To learn more about the Chevy EV lineup, head to Chevrolet.com slash Conan. Wow. What a crowd. Thank you. Thank you very much. I can see all 11 of you. This is thrilling. No, please, seriously, have a seat. There's not enough of you to make a standing ovation exciting. This looks like a waiting room at like a well-to-do vet's office, you know? Some of you are holding cats. You're just waiting. You're just waiting. But it's very nice. I'm really thrilled that you're here. I'm going to get the show started. And the way to do that is to bring out my assistant. Usually we do it with Matt Gourley as well. He couldn't be here today. Well, I'm actually, I know you're here for Gourley. Oh, you have the Chilchums fan. Oh, you really are here for Gourley. Oh, I thought I was saying something funny. And apparently I hit you right where you live. Gourley couldn't be here. Yeah, he's off at a pork pie hat convention. He's, yeah, he's off. One of his little things that he likes to do that comes way before us. But he will be here next time. I'm sure you'll get to meet Gourley. Or you could go to Pasadena and meet him right now. He's probably at a flea market buying something none of us wants. But let me bring out the true star of the show, in my opinion. My assistant who does absolutely nothing. Son of a sassy and let's get son of a... Oh! What awkward body language? You shoot me like I'm your captor. That was a terrible intro for me, by the way. What do you mean? I hear my assistant who does absolutely nothing. Well, okay. What have you done for me like in the last three weeks? Tick, talk, tick. Tick. No, I guess, you know, it's cool. It's cool. I'm kind of these twin boys and I pay you very well. And that's, I don't know why. I got tricked into that situation. That is on me. You can't complain about it. I can't complain. And I do love your children. I really do. But they're getting the way of your work. They're my children. Yeah, anyway. That's not what we're talking about here. We can't just keep muttering at each other. Passive aggressively. We do this thing on the podcast in what's crazy is we always did it in real life too. We were doing this 13 years ago. Yeah, when I had real work to do, I'd be like, well anyway, I'm right. So I guess I win that again. Yeah, you're right. Well, you're stupid. So you're wrong. Right. Anyway, okay. Okay, but up by, I'm right. I'm right. I'm right. I'm right. And we would do that. And I would literally go like, anyway, I win and hang up. And then the phone would bring it to be like, I win and hang up. And it was stupid. It was so stupid. This is like 15 years ago. I was in my late 20s at the time. Oh. Everyone's laughing really hard. No, they weren't really laughing. It was more of an awkward sadness descended over the crowd as I tried to pass that off. I know. It was born in 1988. You know that? No, you were. I'm sorry, 1888. There we go. We, I want to talk about something that happened in my life. Would you say that I am a prompt person? You are. You're very prompt. You don't like being late. I don't like being late. I like to be prompt. And my call time for this show was 330 here at Sirius. Yeah. XM. Always someone that checks my apps to make sure how long is it going to take to get there. I want to get there at 330. So there's time to get some makeup on because I need the makeup. As you can attest, this crowd is, you saw me close up, right? Some of you backed away and said, yeah, what's wrong with that pumpkin? That's a pumpkin from last Halloween. No. No. No. It's rotting quickly in the autumn sun. Me who? I like to be here on time and got to get the makeup. I like to relax, do my stretches, whatever I need to do to get into the space to do this podcast that I love doing so much. I check my app about two o'clock and it said, or whatever, quarter to two. And it said, oh, plenty of times can take you like half an hour to get there because I live on the other side of town. Okay. Great. Yeah. It won't be a problem for 40 minutes. Then I'm taking my time. I leave that amount of, I leave plenty of time. I want to actually get here early. I get in my car and I check and it says it's going to take an hour and 28 minutes to get there. And it suddenly changed. I didn't know what happened. I'm trying to get here. And there's police all over the place and I stopped. I rolled down my window and addressed the policeman. I said, hey, kappa. No. That's weird. That's a weird way to do that. I said, I've done that. That was wrong century. I said, excuse me, officer, what's going on? And he said, oh, there's a cougar that's roaming around in this area. It's been sighted. And so we're shutting down all the streets until we can save and we've called in wildlife people to make sure that the cougar is safely caught. And of course, the first thing I thought of was a woman about 58 with a white glass of wine who's wandering around this part of Los Angeles. And there's guys in helicopters trying to fire blow darts at her. Yeah. And she's probably got like nine darts, but her tolerance for a white wine is so strong. She just sucks it right down. And every 25 year old man is hiding behind closed doors. Yeah. They're all up on the trees hiding. Oh no, here it comes. But anyway, he said cougar. I don't know if it's a cougar, a bobcat. But it was roaming around and it kind of blew my mind because I thought I grew up on the East Coast in Massachusetts. Nature, no animal. I mean, a snowstorm would, but no animal ever affected my schedule. I don't think my schedule was ever altered in any way by an animal. That's something that can happen here in L.A. I've got to get somewhere, oh, yeah, but a bear has different ideas or a bobcat or a giant hawk descended on the highway and tore someone's face off. We've got to close everything down for a while. That's something I dreamed when I did acid. That's not a real thing that happened. Is it cool? Yeah, is it that bad? I think they were trying to look after the cougar, but also he said there's a school near here. Oh. And I thought, guys got to eat, you know. Oh, man. Well, I'm sorry. Did you say I really have to get to serious XM? I said, Officer, Officer, I'm a celebrity. I know these others have to wait around, but I'm a celebrity with a bobcat. So I would like you to give me an escort. I really would love it. I've always wanted it. It's just enraged people, but if I could get, you know, the way you're new seeing movies, sometimes someone takes a siren and just a guy who's in a regular looking car, he gets a call because he's undercover or something and he just puts that siren on top of his car and we, we, I've always wanted one of those and put it on the car and start barreling through traffic and people get out of the way. And then someone at one point be like, what the fuck? And I'd say celebrity. Can you imagine how mad people would be at me, how, and rightfully so, I mean, you know what I mean? Yeah, no, I would be mad at you. Because it's the, it's the shittiest thing someone could possibly do, but I'm obsessed with what's the worst thing I could do. And in that moment, when everyone else was respectfully waiting for the cougar, I wanted to go, I'm coming through celebrity podcast. Well, you would have been here on time. Yeah, well, still. I mean, I don't think anyone knew anything was up. Okay. You know, the crowd probably thought, okay, we're starting just a couple of minutes late. Conan's no spring chicken. They probably got to do some work on him. Oh my god. I don't think anybody thought that. Mm-hmm. Front row. You're thinking it. I got a really good look at me. Yeah. He's funny. No, I think you're fine. I still think it's an overreaction for a cougar, but I don't know. I live where there's bears and stuff. So I don't know. How do you see a bear in your house? Yes, all the time. You got like he's, you come down and he's having coffee at your table. Oh, hi, son. He knows my name. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sort of talks like Elmo, but not really. That was a terrible bearable. I'm pretty good. It's so not in. What do you think a bear would sound like? Like this. Oh, bear. It's hot. More up in this range right here. No, I think it's like I'm a bear. He's had a lot of berries and they've worn away the acid mapparies and worn away the spec part of his throat. Hey, sona, do you have this? This is fun. But you have almond milk. Regular milk. He kind of triggers a reaction. It's not bad. He's lactose intolerant. He's lactose intolerant. I'm a lactose intolerant bear. Oh my god. Yeah. That bear sucks. Yeah. That bear sucks. Yeah. Well, anyway, we have a, we can't screw around today because we got too late for that to be honest. I just did waste an incredible amount of time. Yeah, you did a whole bear impression. I want to talk about our guest. My guest today is a hilarious comedian who co-wrote directed and stars in the upcoming film Old Dads. He's also currently touring the country on his Bill Burr, slight return tour. Tickets can be found at billburr.com. I'm thrilled he's here with us today. Bill Burr, what's going on here? All right. There you go. That work well with you. Hey, Coppa. I'm trying to get to my podcast. That's the beginning of the podcast. Oh, hi. My name is Bill Burr and I feel, I feel all right. Hey, about being co-wrote. That is such a, that is such a Massachusetts attitude to have. I feel all right. Well, I didn't see the last half of it. I thought it was, how was I feeling? Oh, I didn't know it was about, oh, it's about you. Oh, it's about Conan, everybody. Hi, my name is Bill Burr. I don't want to hear this now. I feel so special. Oh, no. About being Conan O'Brien's friend. It's terrible. It is such a short list. A lot of people want to Grammy. Some people want an Emmy. Not me. I just want to be Conan's friend. Oh, well, finally happened. It's been half a year ago. We got to see how it goes. You told me years ago there wasn't enough room for two redheads in this town. I tried to outginger me. Yeah. Now what is true? I was going to tell you that your fame is such that I was talking to, you know, we talked to fans once a week and we just released an episode today where I talked to a fan who's in Tehran in the middle of what's happening there. I know that guy. And the same thing is growing up in Boston anyway. But I was talking to him and he was telling us all of this really intense stuff that's happening in Tehran and then at one point, he said, but Conan, when things calm down, I'd love it if you came here and visited me and I said, well, would I be welcome? Like would kind of like would your parents know who I am? And he said, oh, I'll have to do is tell them this guy is really funny. And he's from Boston. He's got red hair. My parents will say we love Bill Burr. And then he went, zing. And this is a guy who's in the middle of a terrible revolution and a terrible situation, but took the time to use you to zing me and then said zing. And this is from Tehran, which I thought was pretty impressive. I like that he said zing. They're probably added an extra sting to it. If he just sort of gave you shit, you would have taken that. But the fact that he went zing and went like old timey with it. I don't know. I feel like that got under your skin. It did. Like you're like, I know what a zing is. You don't need to say that. Yeah, yeah. I've been doing zing's for 30 years. I almost didn't release the tape of him. Yeah. I was like, what if it is such a terrible thing? Like, no, this is a great message from someone in the middle of a historic, you know, turbulent time. And he needs to get the word out. And I'm like, now we're not releasing it. Why not? He zinged me. You know, it just be so small of me. I'd be such a small person to do that. I'm already thinking it wanted to have a funny bone in Iran. However, I rack. Is that what I rack? No, it's a ran. Oh, is it? I ran. That's brutal. I just said, what are your Yankees fan? It's like no red socks. I actually did a gig in Tel Aviv. It was beautiful. You know, just to be over there and not give a shit in a way, you could just be like, what do you guys? What are you arguing about? It's nice. Yeah. What is the problem? Granted, I didn't wait. You've given me no thought. Bill, we are friends. And I do, I think you're fantastic, but you've given it no thought that does not in any way get to the heart of the matter of what's happening in the TV. It looks nice. What's the problem? No, but I'll come back to like the, you know, religion. It's stupid. They live in a, it's gorgeous there. Like just living over here. You just picture everything's all bombed out. And there's machine gun holes and everything. And it wasn't. It was amazing. It was relaxing. I mean, there was some going on, you know, down the street near the wall, you know, all those Jesus freaks. They're always upset about something. You haven't thought we stayed out of that. And we were up. Why aren't you working for the embassy? That's my question, Bill. Why are you not an ambassador? It shocks me. We don't send you over there. This place looks good. What's happening with those guys? Down by the, what is that? A wall? Yeah, the wailing wall. Is that what it is? You go, don't ask me what it is. You start crying and you're leaving like notes in there. And oh, it's silly for adults to be doing that. No. Okay. Well, I'm going to distance myself from you now as much as I can. I'm thinking constructing a wall right here. You know what? I'm going to build something right here right now. Listen, I agree with you that I never think there's a reason for people to kill each other. I agree with you there. What do you have athletic souls on your wing tips? I just noticed you never know. I just noticed that. These are beautiful. You know, wing tips shoes. I don't know what it is. I'm going to take these off now. These are beautiful wing tips shoes. And then at the bottom, they just have a little like a rubber grip. Yeah, in case of pickup, game of hoop, this can take off as tie. All right. Well, you never know. You never know where I all some of them would pick you on the team. All right. Is this, does this look absurd to all of you? Oh, wait, thank you, sir. Thank you for, for, for leaping to my defense. That whole group over there still thinks it looks stupid. I think, I think he did too. He just wants to be a friend. There was too much emotion. You think there's nobody's like, no, it's like it didn't require that level. We're talking about souls that should be at least of that. That's fine. That's where it should have been. Well, anyway, I think I'm a banker. What do you think? I'm a sick, dumb, dead, 50. I got a new company car. Listen, I, it's great to be white. I say that every morning when I wake up, that's all white people do. Yeah. Now, you know that non-white people, you know, the government gives us free gold toad socks. Just once a month, just for being white, they just fucking hand them out. Remember us come election time. There've been times when those socks got me through. Some really rough periods when I'm the same sense in my way. Makes you feel successful. It does actually. I feel good about these shoes. When your wife makes a good point, do you take off your shoes and point to your socks? Just be like, do you think every guy walks around with these? That's how you've done his toes. You think that's how I win arguments with my wife? That's what I'm down to. You point to something you're worrying that you're proud of to win an argument with your wife. I get along great with my wife now. I just basically, I just, I don't die on every hill now. I just go, all right, you know, even if it makes no fucking sense to me, I just think like, you know what? It's just going to be an argument I'm going to, I'm going to give in. And then we're going to do this dumb shit anyway. So why not just act like I want to do it? You know, and it keeps the peace. I slowly die inside. But as we're doing it, I don't need you to act like you care. You know what? Honestly, I don't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah. But so, Son of a, you're watching a rescue dog commercial. Oh. You want one? No, no, I work too much. So, bass it. Well, I'm sure your wife is always right too. Just, you know, I know she is right a lot of the time. She is. See how that works? Very nice. You just, you just agree with them. Do you talk like this? You got ear grinned. Have you done, have you done a couple's counseling? Have you ever done that? No. Because you can't talk this way in, you can talk this way to your therapist, but you can't sit there with your wife and say, look, I just pretend what she's saying, which is fucking crazy, makes sense. And a little part of me dies inside. Let's all go get cookies, you know? You can't talk like that. No, you can't do that because then you make that person laugh and then as much as they fight it, they're on your side. I know what you're talking about. You've done that. Yeah, yeah. If you never got a couple's therapy, somebody told me that's everybody he knew that went to couple's therapy and immediately got divorced afterwards. No, that's not true. Well, I didn't, I'm just repeating what somebody else said. He said that like I said, I didn't come up with it. Terrible, I'm a couple's counselor in my own way. I just think we need you in terms of the world was flat. Sorry. Well, until I see real evidence, it is it's like a cereal bowl evidently. We're looking, looking down into it. Right. Have you talked to someone who believes the earth is flat? Do you know what you would say to them? Would they be swayed by pictures from space? Or does that not mean anything to someone who believes the earth? It's all done in a studio, man. They do it over in perfect. No, what would I, would depend on the situation? Right. If it was at night and we were by ourselves and I didn't know him and he just approached me, then I'd be, I would just be like, yeah, you know what? Yeah, I think you're right. I would just agree with him and make him leave. They probably wouldn't. He probably his eyebrows would go up in excitement that he found somebody else that agreed with his way of seeing the world. Right. And then I couldn't get rid of him. I know, this is quite a conundrum. You deal with this person for the rest of your life. They'd be a good friend. Well, what was bad was when I got into conspiracy theory about the banks and the Federal Reserve, was you met so few of those and then those other people with, with, with there, they just thought because you believed that those guys were a problem that you then thought the world was flat and all this other stuff. It's like, no, I don't, I don't think that. I just think this stuff over there and then they would look at you like you were a sell out. Like there was, there seemed to be like no middle ground with conspiracy theory. You had to be all in with shape shifters and lizard people. It's just like, no, I'm just saying the Federal Reserve. It's, you know, right. You thought you were saying you think in some ways our economic system might be a little game. A lot of people, yeah. And a lot of people agree with you and, and they thought, well, because that's a conspiracy theory you're in on everything. Every single thing. I thought we didn't land on the moon. Yeah. And stuff like that. So then I, you know, yeah, I just called the eyebrow race people. Because then they come up to me like, you know what else? You know what else I got? So I just thought I like, so I, you know, my thoughts to myself. Yeah. I want to talk to you about this, this project, this movie that you're working on because it's something that you and I have talked about because we are friends. We have dined together. We hung out our wives have hung out. It's just, with big chalices and candle lovers. Oh, I'm coded. We did, there is. I had a suit of armor brought in and put in the corner. But, but, um, you're talking about this movie that you've made is a subject that's near and dear to your heart about being dads. Older dads, right? Old dads, yeah. Old dads. There was something that came about by, you know, not getting my shit together and having kids really late in life. Like I'm 54, my kids are five and two. And, um, I didn't realize like how much the world had changed. Like my daughters in kindergarten now and I was in kindergarten 50 years ago. So just the whole way that they teach, like everything literally, I'd be like, oh, you're on the jungle gym and should be like, it's called the structure. And then I'd be like, yeah, and then I'd be like, oh my god, I said jungle. Am I, you know, that was that borderline racist now? Like what did I just say? And you just start freaking out. And, uh, you know, just sort of, it lives sort of in that world. And then also all of this, this world now of where, you know, you, you go back into somebody's Twitter account eight years and find a bad tweet. And they're like, this is who this guy is. This guy's an asshole. And it's like, I always looked at it like you had to go back eight years before this guy was an asshole. That's an amazing like Lou Gehrig run of not being an asshole. If you went seven years, like, this guy was totally cool. What a 2014 all. Well, that one random Wednesday, he was really in a mood. Yeah. And it was just weird. Someone who, you know, I lean left. I'm not 100% left. It's sort of like, you know, um, I just thought that whole era was really fascinating to watch people like just trying to just sort of ruin people. Like I understood the beginning of it when they were going after these monstrous people. But then it just became this, this, you know, like these tiki-tac Mr. Meiner's bullshit. And they were just like, just burn them down. I was like Frankenstein movie. Like they were all coming up the fucking hill. So, um, it sort of, you know, subtly lives in that world too. Right. And, and, and, you know, one of the things that I relate to you on as we both come from, like I say, a similar part of the country. I'm a little bit older than you. And, but I do relate very much when you talk about being a dad, uh, you often relate it to when you were contrasted with when we were kids. And that's something that hits home with me because, you know, I had kids later in life and, uh, uh, they're now their teenagers. But in the early stages, I remember thinking this does not resemble the childhood that I have in any way. Yeah. You know, because, first of all, the, uh, the fact that, um, so much care and attention is spent on each child. Haha. Something that was, no, I'm not saying that I love my parents, but it was a different attitude. There were six of us. And I remember very clearly at any given time, if you asked my mother, my father, you know, where his Conan did be like, I don't know, you know, he's, yeah, you know, you know, no one knew exactly where you were. Uh, they just sent you outside like that was a lot of it. They just sort of sent you outside and you went out and you just met other kids your age and came up with stuff to do when you were outside and then eventually you ran into older kids and then they just beat the shit out of you. Haha. Oh, no, no, no. And then this is why. And then you came up like I, I did a, a cartoon for Netflix called Episofamily. One of the first episodes is a scene where the young me and his friend are up in a tree and these guys start throwing rocks at us and shooting fireworks. And that was based on a true story. There wasn't fireworks, but it was just me and a friend of mine were climbing trees. We're just climbing a tree because that's what you did before. They were on the internet that was like, that was going online climbing a tree and risking your life. So we climbed up this tree and these bigger kids came by and they saw us up there and they just started throwing rocks at us until their arms got tired. We're up there like crying, getting hit the ankles and in the back. And then you just climbed down the tree and then it goes guys and rolls and then this is what you think Tel Aviv is so nice. It was nice. It's relative to my childhood. It was thrown a rock at me in 10 minutes. But I remember that and I bring this up because the minute that our my daughter could drive or my son could drive, my wife would check and she could show me on the phone where they were. And I thought that just blows my mind. It doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't. It's like, Jay Edgar Hoover. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't feel, it doesn't feel right to me that we are that accountable at the time. And sometimes I wonder if I'm just jealous of there's a different, there's like a care and attention. Oh, I see what you mean. Do you know what I mean? And I wonder because when I watch your, when I watch your comedy, when I watch you red rocks and you're talking about anytime you're talking about your child, your dad, how the how the house was tense or there was anger, people weren't dealing with things appropriately. I think, yeah, I know what you're talking about. It was an era and I think I sometimes when I'm seeing my family and my wife's handling everything so beautifully, for some reason I'd become enraged. No, I get that. Why? Where was it? Where, what do you mean, me? You're looking at him in the eye and talking to them? Why? I totally get that. I remember, this one time being in like, it grocery stores, something like that. And I saw this, this kid, he started crying about something in his mother, went over and started hugging him and comforting him. And I immediately, I just felt this urge to go over and trip this little kid. And then another time, I remember the grocery store because that's where a lot of, you know, moms have like the kids and stuff and this kid was going like, hey, mom, can I, can you, and she was just like, no. And then he started crying and it made me laugh. I was going to be like, yeah, I get used to that kid. So, um, so you enjoy the unhappiness and pain of a child. I thought I did, but what I, what I, what I, I realized it had nothing to do with the kid. That was just me with mall of my bullshit. I was jealous of the kid who was getting hugged. And then I was laughing at the other kid because I related like, I remember one, a long time ago, I saw a sling blade when I was in the movie theater. And I remember when, when, when he zoomed that guy out of the house in the wheelchair, he's like, get out of my fucking house and he zoomed him out. Like, I was all helpless. I roared with laughter. And I remember I was with these, these, these actors that I was working on, and they looked at me in this horrified way. And I couldn't explain, you had to be a comedian to understand, like, I think actors and comedies, they process pain differently. Where actors, I think are more like examining it, where comedians, you just behave it over. And it's like, you're just laughing. Not because you're happy that happened to someone in a wheelchair. You're just laughing. How fucking mean it was. I told you about this. That one time my wife was on the plane with me and she, we were going somewhere far. So she had like a tablet. And I started watching a movie and she had fallen asleep and I was watching a movie. And I was laughing so hard. I woke her up. And then she, you know, when you don't know what somebody's laughing at and you just start laughing, she's like, what are you laughing at? I was trying to hide it. And she looked at I was watching precious. I'm like, oh my god. Oh my god. It was literally, oh my god. Some shit, it just gets so mean. It's just so mean it pushes you over. Yeah, into comedy again. I thought the mother said something so fucking mean and then they just cut to her face and she was, she was so sad. I just, I mean, I'm not going to lie. Being honest, I was wheezing. I was literally like weighing in the eye. So I was laughing so hard. The woman I didn't know on the other side of my wife was laughing. And then my wife started punching me in the shoulder. She just gave it like the tablet. No, she's one of my favorite things. It's pretty great if you were moving it pretty. It's a really big cart. And we're always watching TV and she's forever getting teared up and I am laughing my ass off. Like she used to watch the biggest loser. And these fat people would be crying. But all the cookies in burgers they were eating. And they were crying like they lost a dog or something. And she would be crying like that. But I would just be laughing my ass off. So, so no, most of the world is starving. That's why. Like I'm bending. I went to like India and I saw this level of poverty that I just maybe want to adopt every kid over here. And then you just come back to America and they see slaviny feel, oh you just can't stop eating nori. And it was just so fucking hilarious. Oh, and oh this won't air. And then no one, and then it's like I can't do this. This won't come out. And then what it is is because my wife gets mad at me for laughing. It makes it like, oh dude I have worse ones than that. I got worse ones now. Let's see why does we'll get it out now because we're, I can't say this one to protect people. You guys aren't going to laugh at this one because you're told you're not supposed to. No, no, that's not this crowd. All right, some dude beat the shit out of his girlfriend, right? Well, you're off to a good start. You know how to get a crowd. You had them. You had them and you're like, yeah, I can top that. I have to go. How else are you supposed to watch the news? My wife was supposed to go like, oh, for the whole time, or you can laugh. I mean, it's a choice. I have to go. What is it? Help me. But how okay? I want to hear you pull this out. So my wife was so sad about it that I had to make a joke because I wasn't mature enough to be sad with her. So it's going like, what do you think she said? What do you think that last thing she said? Exactly. So she gets all mad, right? She got really mad. Why does she marry you? She's lovely. I've met her. She's wonderful. They're like a week late and my mother-in-law comes over, right? The fucking story comes on the news. And I'm just over. She goes, I know I shouldn't say this. My wife goes, mom, don't say it. It just goes, I wonder what the last thing she said. And I died laughing. My mother-in-law died laughing. My wife's down to the room. Yeah, but the end of the day, neither one of us beat her up. She can't hear us laugh. I'm not happy that that happened. Well, there's a thing that's not going to stand what the fucking news is. It's just like, hey, here's a bunch of shit. You can't fix the happen that was horrible. Do you know what I'm saying? And my gym, they literally play CNN. And it's just the whole state of Californians on fire, school shootings and shit. It's like, I'm coming in and get away from this shit. I'm on a fucking elliptical. And I got to watch people's houses burn. Right, right. How long are you supposed to, you're trying to make this seem like three hours on the elliptical? So we should be showing like, I don't know, dumb and dumb or? I think this is going good, Cone. I think it's going really well. I think it's going great. I think it's going great. And I think, you know, you're talking about things people are afraid to say. But a lot of us, we derive some joy from the pain of others. We just do. And to pretend we don't. It's just. It's just. I'm just. I'm just. It's just. Sorry, that's Jerry Lewis. Uh, but it's true. It's true. And I just relate to you on that level of growing up. Thanks for you. You know, you do. I do know you laugh at the news. There's like, I listen. Well, I don't. I'm also not comfortable. Yeah, I can laugh at the news. Wait, what does that mean? Doesn't mean anything. It's just just defying my horrible behavior. Even you raise enough money for good causes. I don't. People just ask me to come down and do them. So I just go down and do them. And then I feel like that's good enough for the karma. And that I can watch that news the way I want to watch the news. Now what about when you're doing your sets in a comedy club that you do have people to get into it with you that say, okay, you've crossed the line. I don't like this. Or they mostly, uh, at this point, people are coming because they like what I do. But like before I got to a certain point. Yeah, I had a lot of those. I remember some woman. I said something about animals. And I remember she got so mad at me and she came up. You know, I was selling my DVDs. It's so long ago. This was. And I don't know. She got into it with me about this stupid joke. And then I remember she was so proud of herself in the end. She goes, you know, just to let you know, she goes, I'm a card-carrying member of PETA. Like she got a degree or something. And I was just like, what is that? Like 25 bucks. You just sort of peed your way into that. And how'd that go over? For me, it was fun. It was like, that was one of my favorite things. It's when people would get mad. And then they would like yell at you. They would do all kinds of weird shit. I remember I pissed off this one guy. I think I was in Texas and I said something liberal that he didn't like. And he came up afterwards and he shook my hand and I shook his hand. And he just goes, I just peed. He showed you. No, and I just laughed. I didn't give a fuck. I also was a really angry guy. And the shit I used to say was just a lot of it was fucking, you know, I don't know what it was. And I remember a lot of times people dragging people out. Like people didn't give a fuck. We're dragging somebody out who was yelling at me. My favorite thing was the person. This was a guy wanted to beat the shit out of me during the show. And they threw him out in classic comedy club security. The guy gets back in to beat the shit out of me. But he stood in the line at the DVDs waiting to beat the shit out of me. I said he's very patient. And he's a rule, he's a rule follower. Yes, so I had to go bounce like that. That guy, third guy down. That guy's going to punch me in the face when it's his turn. Can you go over there and get rid of him? Yeah, there was, you know, there was a lot of that type of stuff, you know. I don't know. I referenced the Red Rock special because that's the last one I've seen. You do. You have another one coming out, right? Do you have another special coming out? Or that's it going to be it for a while? Yeah, that'll be it. That'll be it for a while. I don't really like where my act is right now. I'm turning it's too much of this, not enough of this. So I always have to have like that balance of annoying people and then sort of also being like, all right, I'm an idiot. You know? Yeah, but I think, and this is worth talking about, like I know over COVID, I ran into you came by. It's still going Conan. Please, never existed. Uh, that's my little pet peeve. That's my little pet. Oh, I got the mask on. I got it really into vaccines during COVID. I can't stop getting them now. Do they make hate? Do they make you, do they make you, uh, do they make you sick? The shingles one, the first time I felt a little weird and, uh, and then the second one, I had a little bit of a headache at the next day, but like did not have like shingles, whatever I got those ones. Oh, I got those years ago when I was first starting out in LA. I got shingles and nightly were you a ginger with shingles? Yeah, and guess what? I got them on my optic nerve of my eye. Oh, no. And so it just half my face literally half because the nerves of your face or symmetrical got swollen and I was in excruciating pain and didn't have a, it couldn't drive anything. You're like, how did you laugh? I got you laughing because I just pictured you in like a Batman movie like being that face off, guys. Two his names, two face, not face off. Two face, uh, two face, two face and shingles. I had the coming for Gotham. Half my face was completely, was red swollen and I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't, I could, this is killing you, my pain. I just think of you poor wife, you just screaming and agony. No, I was married. I was living alone. This is in LA. 1987. They had shingles back. Yeah. I think it started with shingles. That was no. I was patient zero and I walked. Would you fuck a monkey or something? Well, that's not your business. That's how shingles came about. Somebody finger-banked back. And I went for sale. We're all in Gotha-Datin' pool. Let's goddamn Conan O'Brien get these frickin' fingers to himself. Let's just say I may or may not have finger-fucks about, okay? What you doing in your own time? It was the mid 80s. It's like fiddin'. It's what people did. First of all, it's a bat. It's still a mammal. Yeah. Right? So that's still within the Bible. Yeah. That's fair game. Man can fuck with mammal. Yeah. Old Testament. Yeah. It's nothing about a man laying with another bat. He's the older New Testament. No, so yeah, I've remembered walking because I had no one to drive me and I couldn't. I walked to... I walked to Cedar Sinai. Wait a minute. I'm shingles. I'm my favorite thing ever. I'm the height I am now. But I was, I was on 6'4", but I weighed about 150 pounds. And half my face was, half my pumpkin head was swollen into form. And I was staggering down the street to Cedar Sinai. And it hurts just so much. Drag you to a foot going, I went to Harvard. I went to Harvard. Junde, they're putting an athletic party on a wingtip, Joe. And I shall own it. Just chunks of my face falling off. I'm still better than all of you. Well, that always goes well. Hey, maybe, Deformed. Yeah, those were good times. So, honey, you were probably weren't even born then. Yeah, I was. I was. I was laughing at you from afar. You were being loved and nurtured while I was. I was. I was one of the loved and nurtured kids. You know, my parents didn't know what I was doing there. So, you have the glow. I have a glow. Thank you. Yeah, because I, you know, wasn't... There's a light. And the glyc did. It's a third commercial. Thank you. That's very sweet. Well, guess what? Look at your face. It's just like looking in the mirror. When did the pilot like go out for you? Yeah. When did you stop feeling feelings? I'm going to say 1977. That was about 81. Yeah. I remember that summer really well. No, uh... There is so much that comes from... It's funny now because I talk to people in my family and we talk about things that happened. It's just like... It was just... It was a different time. It was a different time. And there was something about... I don't know. There's something about Boston that adds more spice to that stew. I swear to God. Do you think that's true? I... I don't know what I have never been able to figure it out because that... The sort of abuse... The un... Not understanding that you were abusing your kids. That existed all the way across. It's just... It's processed differently. The Midwest, you know, I think they kind of just sort of like, Oh, hey, okay, all right. You know, they kind of... They kind of do that. But there's this rage underneath it that they don't let out. I don't know if it's because New York, Philly, Boston, they all sort of let it out. And they just see... Just visceral way. Just like volcanic just explosions. And then no apology afterwards. And then there's some sort of sporting event that brings you back together. I've never been able to understand what it is. But I am glad that I was brought up there because it does make... I don't know, it makes life easier. I feel like you can kind of watch the news and get some chuckles. I mean, yeah, I just can't imagine like, you know, good-hearted people just going around caring all the time. Yeah, it's nice. It's called empathy. It's very sweet and nice. It's just cracking us up over here. It's just making us laugh. No, I like your kids' animals. Or mine? No, no, no. I'm saying like, I have empathy for kids and animals. Oh, okay, that's nice. It's a nice start-up. It's a start-to-kid. It's something. That's a step in the right direction. Ooh. I'm sorry. No, they say it. I didn't eat this. They say that's what it's... No, I'm old enough to... I'll never satisfy you. But Bill, they step in the right direction. They say that that is what would separate you from, say, a sociopath, the serial killers that you care about animals, you care about children. So that's good. That's good news for you today. Because I've taken those polls. You have to see if that poll... Are you a serial killer? Are they 10? Yes, I have taken that test. It has not gone well. Yeah, exactly. After the fourth question, you're like, all right, let's say that I'm a terrorist. Do you laugh at the pain and misery of others? I think we got that one. If it's on TV, and I don't like... Trying to think of something... Yeah, no, I think I do. Every time I saw that guy wipe out on his scooter, oh, it was amazing. It's just all the guy. Well, that's always funny, though. Falling people falling always... Wait, an older man was on a... What? He's on a scooter? He's on a scooter. He was riding like a Harley, and he came whipping out. I was on the other side of the road, and there was this concrete divider. And he just... He was going too fast, and he couldn't make the turn. And he hit the concrete thing, and he high-sided, and went up and over, just landed, and just slid on his face. Oh, my god. And I had to stop my car, right? And that was the first guy there, and he had rolled over on his back, and I walked up to him, and he was just... unconscious, he's going... As I... It's like spitting teeth. Cool, get to the funny part. Oh, my god. The funny part is when this cop finally shows up, the guy was like fucking like 55. It's like, should he been retired by now? When did you start becoming a cop, and you still tripping a cruiser? So he pulls up, and just completely could give a fuck. He just walked up to the guy, and his hands and his pockets, and he just looked at all of me, just good. Yeah, all right? LAUGHTER Yeah, it was... He would relate to this when I was a kid. I don't know if he ever saw this, but there was some Christian network. Back then, there was nothing on TV. There were a couple of channels. There was never anything good on. And there was this show that we used to watch that was made with sort of a claymation puppet called Davy and Goliath. Oh, yeah. And Davy, and they're always supposed to have a good moral about how to behave. Davy was a boy who would sometimes do naughty things, and then he'd learn his lesson, and it was put out by some association of ministers. I swear to god, my brothers, and I would watch this, because you would flip the channel, and they're bowling on one channel, and there's a Catholic mass on the other channel. So you'd watch Davy and Goliath, because at least it was a story, and there was some claymation. Anyway, Davy and Goliath go camping with the dad and the mom, and Davy goes off, and he sees a well, and he always sees a beautiful, natural pond, and he finds some paint, some raspberry paint, and he pours it into the pond, turning it all bright, you know, red. And it's a big bucket. Yeah, huge, but it was a little, little pond. And then he's laughing. He says, look, Goliath, I made a big thing of raspberry goop, and then the father comes in and yells at him, and says, look what you've done, and all the animals are gathered around, and they can't drink from this pond anymore, because it's been ruined. My brothers and I were laughing so hard. We were crying. We were laughing so hard. I'm telling you, I understand exactly what you're talking about. He, I think these animals ended up dying. And my brothers and I are on the floor laughing. Davy had said, look, I made a big thing of strawberry goop. It's terrible. I'm sorry. There's no reason to apologize. There were claymation animals. No, there is. Like nobody dies. Did you ever pour raspberry paint into a pond? No, I saw that. You can sit there and laugh. You know what I love is when Davy, every once in a while, we're getting a fight, and we get the shit kicked out of him, because it was claymation. The money, his hair was still perfect, and then they just put a couple of strands of clay on his foot to indicate that Davy got his ass kicked. These are the things. They have no idea what we're talking about. This show was on 65 years ago. But this is, I'm trying to explain our childhoods. This is what it was like back then. That's what you, there's nothing to watch, nothing to do, and occasionally, someone in the house would lose their temper in a way they would frighten you. And then it was never spoken about again. Yeah. Yeah. That was basically, that was it. My brother, I don't know if I never tell you this. My brother was like a genius, man. My parents used to argue. He had a duel cassette, boombox, and he used to record the argument and then put music underneath it. And one of the greatest ones ever was he put Led Zeppelin no quarter, which has this really John Paul Jones places haunting keyboarders, right? It was scored perfectly, because it started off slow with them going back and forth, and then gradually, and just Robert Plant closed the door, put out the light. And right his bottom's drums, and he was drums, but I came in my dad, I'm not going to get the fuck out of this. Dude, we used to listen to that fucking thing for years, and then we finally played it for my dad, and he laughed his ass off. Oh, he liked it. I thought it was hilarious. He thought it was fucking, he never understood anything. We went out and watched the great Santini one time, hoping that he would get it, and he ended up just loving the movie and just walking around. And then he was like, it's a great Santini. No, no, it's about a dad who's very abusive to his son. Yeah. Who loves his family, but doesn't understand that he's slowly killing everybody. Yeah. And your dad watched that and thought, thank you for showing me. Oh, he thought this uplifting film about how we should all behave. It was like sleepless and seattle. When Harry met Sally. All right, we're going to wrap this up. I want to make sure I get your life to say. I want to make sure I mention, yeah, here we go, right here. Yeah, right here. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, oh, yeah. Tickets. You got a tour going now. Yes. The Bill Burr. Slight return. Yes, that's that's the, what is that in signify that you're working on stuff? No, Slight return was because they kept letting us out. And then they're like, no, COVID's back. So I didn't know if it was going to like, we were going to do the whole thing, you know, because I remember, was it last year or the year before? Remember they let us out for a month? And we were like, yeah, it's over and they're like, I'll get back inside. I love they let us out. Yeah, it is true. Yeah, you can go get back in here. Yeah, I've given it to the fact that they run everything. And that's the worst still I kind of try to figure out what's going on. And then you figure it out and you realize you don't have any web, you don't have the weaponry to actually have an effective revolution. What? Isn't it? Isn't that a good thing? I don't want people to have the weaponry to have an effective revolution. You know what the saddest thing about Giorgi Six was? Is that they went to the wrong building? What building should they have gone to Bill? Do you know how much they were panicking over the Federal Reserve when they heard there was an insurrection? Like, oh my god, they finally figured it out. And then they picked up, oh, they go to the Capitol. I don't think that crowd had that stuff. I think that crowd had that kind of sophisticated level of thinking about the banking system. Listen, every business has to start somewhere. They went to the wrong building. All right. That one guy that was climbing the wall instead of just using the stairs. He just so wanted to be in special forces. It's true. Beautiful wide, beautiful stairs right next to it. Oh, they made it a marble or something. It's some of the great stairs his country has ever produced. He's like, no, I'm climbing the wall. Well, God bless him then. Yeah, God bless his wall climbing ass. Tickets for the Bill Burr, Bill Burr's slight return tour are available at billburr.com and when's the movie coming out? I don't know yet. We just locked on it yesterday. So we still got to score a little bit and do a little bit of ADR. Say, say in the business color it. And then I don't know, hopefully sooner rather than later. I don't have a release date yet. All right. You let me know when you do. I like to promote things that aren't being released yet. Hey, I remember I was sitting back then. You said you were talking about he's got old dad's like they fucking mowing that already. I don't know if I read what's on a card. I wasn't blaming you. Oh, I didn't think you were going to go home and scream it. You scream at your wife without me. No, I scream at me and my wife will tell you don't I scream at myself? Yes, all the time. He's constantly talking to yourself. Yeah, constantly talking to myself. What do you say? You dumb mother fucker. You idiot. Would you do that for? Oh, that was funny. You into a mirror. And we had a neighbor in New York who thought that I was talking that way to my wife and said to her and like, oh, you know, and said to someone who we know mutually like the way he talks to his wife. And was like, no, that's how he taught. That's him talking to himself and I brushing his teeth. Oh, that was a good move. I mean, you're going to make it doing that. Well, that was brushing my teeth, by the way. You know, you fuck one bat and it follows you forever and ever and ever. It was 1987. The bat, the bats forgotten. I've forgotten. Most people move the brush, not their head. I glue the brush to the wall. Hey, come on. This is so broken. It is. You know what? We're going to sell this. Look for this. We're going to be a sell it on the street. Like old school. Like the NC 17. Yeah. Hey, Bill. God bless you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. Always have a good time. Thank you so much. All right. Yeah. That was like therapy for me. That was horrifying for me. It really was. I'm not going to lie. I know. I felt guilty laughing at half the things he was saying. I don't know. But, you know, you were laughing. Also, I'm just so happy I didn't grow up in Boston. I'm sorry. It's a different kind of town. It is. Yeah. It is. It creates different kind of people. Every time I go home. Every time I go home to Boston, I'm reminded, oh right, this is a different world. Yeah. I was staying at a hotel that we've stayed at a bunch of times when I'm in Boston, right down there on the common. And they have a really nice bar area and we were all hanging out. And I think you were there and we were having like a glass of wine because we had done a show or something. And then I went in to use the men's room. I don't want to say maybe a 65 year old woman followed me into the men's room. Yeah. And I'm at the year on when she goes and she's like, God, hey, God and she came in and I went, hey, hey, hey, and she went, oh, big star. Big star. Too big to talk to it. But I'm like, I'm at a urinal. I know. But it was like, you know, yeah, it was weird. She probably told people. I all went to his head. Oh, no, I don't. I went to his head. Too big to talk to people at a urinal. No, no, it's just a different place. And oh, my God, I'm so glad I'm not Irish. I'm just so happy. I'm not an Irish person from Boston. I've never been so happy that I am not Irish or from Boston. So thrilled. Just happier than ever. I am what I am. From where I'm from. The rill. Well, I can talk about Chevy. That's something we can both agree on. That's actually true. You know why I want to talk about Chevy? Why? The Chevy family of electric vehicles. You know what? They have something for everybody. They do. Yeah, and that's saying something. Yeah. I'll tell you right now, it's an impressive spectrum. That's right. I use the word spectrum of vehicles that are available now. You can buy now, reserve now. Stay tuned because new vehicles are coming. That's what I like. Well, I like because I, you know, back in the day, you know, I had an old Chevy. You know that? I think I had a Chevy. I had a Chevy too when I was growing up. You did? I feel like everyone cool had a Chevy growing up. Some kind of Chevy. I did. I had a Corsica. I'm looking that up right now. Yeah. Was there a Chevy Corsica? Look that up. There was, right? Please tell me that it's true. Someone out there look, make sure there's a Chevy Corsica. Cause I'm not, I'm not going to lose this, this ad read just because Sono went out on a wire and invented a Chevy that doesn't exist. I like the Chevy Mold Blum. There's no Mold Blum. Uh oh. Chevy is on the line. They want to talk to you. Oh no. But my Corsica growing up was great. Yeah. And lasted forever. Well, guess what? You wouldn't want a Corsica now. You'd want an EV. Oh, for sure. You know why? I like the term EV. It's my term for electric vehicle that I came up with. You made that up? I sure did on the way in here. And if Chevy's nice, I'll let them have it. You can buy the Bolt EV. You can buy the Bolt EV. Wow. Reserve the Blazer EV. Or the Silverado EV. Yeah. That's your favorite. My God. I've always wanted, is that the best name? It is. It's really cool. Ask me what I drive. Hey Conan, what do you drive? Silverado EV. And learn more about the equinox EV or equinox, depends on where you live, while staying tuned for more info on Chevy's vision for an electric future, as I say, electrical future. Okay. No one else says that. I'm an idiot. Yeah. And what was yours called? Chevy Corsica. Maybe they'll bring it back. Maybe. I mean, you know, it was a really, it honestly lasted us forever. It was. And I think it was one of, I can't remember the other cars we have, but it was one of. You know what I, if we can, if we can track down your old car. And then you can go down your old Corsica, I'll have it electrified. No, you won't. Yes, I will. I'll have it electrified. Why don't you just buy it? At my personal expense. Hold on. Astrix Chevy may participate. No. Can you just buy me a new car and that's electric? No. Buy me the Bolt EV. No, that's too easy and not cool. These are great. These cars are great, but we're going to find your old Corsica and electrify it. You're not getting one of these new babies. Buy me the one. Just buy me the one. These are too nice for you. The Chevy EV line up head to Chevrolet.com. Slash Conan. Man, I thought wow. See my dad had an Impala. Oh, that was a fine car. That's a Chevy Impala. That was our first car. Anyway, we're back in. Moving on. Moving on. We should bring in your, well, you're kind of real assistant. My real assistant. Yeah, I've got that. So Nona is busy. Oh, listen, you still aren't my assistant. I know. Take it easy. Okay. You are loved and respected. and you still take care of really important things for me. But for day-to-day things, while you're looking after beautiful Mikey and Charlie, we have David Hopping. David Hopping. David Hopping. A bunch of come on in here, David. How are you, David? I'm good, are you? Pretty good. Enjoying the show so far? Yeah, that's great. You know, it's great. Whenever there's an energy dip, I can just bring David Hopping in. And we can ride off. I live eating snacks in your green room for part of the show. You're out of Ritz crackers. You ate my crackers in my green room? Yeah, a lot of chips left, though. I don't want chips. I was looking forward to that, Ritz. Wait, is Ritz even paying us anything? No. Only if Chevy made a cracker. Now that's a cracker I eat. And I never stop eating it. David, we're going to take some questions from the audience. All right. And I'd like to quickly point out David has his own podcast. What's it called? It's called Back to the Best. All right. Look for it. David does a nice job. That's why you're getting from me, David. Oh, thank you. I'll take it. Well, I am the crackers. Yeah, let's say if anybody here has some questions. I have a question. Hi, Conan. I'm a big time fan since 1998. Oh, wow. I'm 38 now, so most of my life. That's so cool. I miss the, if they made it bits. But I watched the hour. I forgot about this. You miss a bit that I no longer remember. That's really sweet. So how can I help you, sir? So I watched the hour long special, how you got late night. And I wanted to know, after those first early 10 years, when did you realize that you were good? I think some time. Well, it took a super long time, to be honest with you. And yeah, we had kind of a interesting introduction to late night television. It was at the time a really big deal that an unknown person was getting this show. And so I kind of had to learn how to do the job in front of everybody. And man, people had very strong opinions. Many of them negative. But young people really liked it. And I think that that was nice. But I didn't know that. I was not aware of that. And I only found out about it till much later on, when those young people grew up into and became really successful comedians. And they would say, oh, your show. We used to watch a show all the time. That was the show we really loved. And I was like, why didn't you tell me? Why, John Mulaney? Why didn't you tell me? I was like, I was nine. Why would you have listened to a nine-year-old? And I said, I would have listened to anybody. I would have been so happy. I knew it sounds like I was doing a bit about me yelling at myself in the mirror at three o'clock in the morning. But that still happens. And it doesn't go on too long, because my wife's not having it. Yeah, there's some unhealthy elements, probably, that go into doing this day in and day out and wanting it to be special or good. And I think trying to figure all that out has taken me a long time. Marrying the right person really helped having great kids helped. And getting some help really helped. I'm very vocal about that. I think people should not be very open to talk therapy if they need it. And if they do it responsibly, getting on meds, stuff like that, I think that has made a huge difference in my life. But it took a while. It took a long time. Thank you. Yep. Hi, Kondana. Hi, Zona. Hey, how are you? What's your name? Valeria. Valeria. So I tried putting off the podcast listening to it for the longest time, because I could not wait for episodes like every week to come out. You let them bake up. So I was like, sorry, you're the CEO actually kind of caught up fully. And I noticed Zona's improv skills completely like 100% improved. No, they have not. I'm not going to apply. That's not true. But OK, thank you very much. She had, she had, but no, it's, thing is, you're always good. But my thing that I've noticed about Zona that's so rare is she's always 100% herself, no matter what we do. And we'll, we've done shows like this that we're going to do them in the Beacon Theater in New York. We've done them here in Los Angeles. Yeah. At the will turn. Just throw us in front of thousands of people. And there's like thousands of people. And I'm used to that. But Zona will go and she'll do that. And people are screaming, Zona, Zona, and she's like, all right, and then she'll walk off stage. And we're like, I'm hungry. I'm always hungry. Well, I'll see you later. And she'll act like nothing happened. And there are so many people that would be saying, oh, this is my chance to be an influencer and pretend I have a jet. No one really has a jet, they all hold a toilet seat up really closely and take a selfie and have some sparkling apple cider they're holding up. But yeah, you don't, you're always yourself, which is a great quality. It's nice to have nothing to lose. Because I'm on Conan O'Brien needs a friend. And if I'm bad, it's just reflects on you. So I think that it shows that I made a bad judgment. It's just that you had poor judgment putting me on. So it's just very freeing and liberating to just know I can say and do whatever I want. And it just makes you look bad. You're fired. It's fair. Hello. Hello, what's your name? I'm Taditha. Hi, Taditha. Where are you from? I'm from Orange County. But I have family back in Boston. Well, do you think we got to anything real here? Or do you think this is all bullshit today? A little bit of Colony, a little bit of Colony B. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm just irrelevatives. Well, no, it's very, it's also it's not everybody in Boston. We're talking about a specific strain, a very damaged person from the 70s and 80s. Yeah. So what do you miss most about Boston after coming down to Southern California? I miss seasons. I love fall, love fall. And I also love early winter. And I love wearing a coat outside because it makes me feel like I look better when I'm wearing a coat. And we all have some feelings about the body, dysmorphia, or whatever. I just like me when I'm wearing a coat. And I look for any excuse to wear a coat. And if I could wear a parka in LA, I would. I just think, so I don't know. It's always been, I like going back to Boston. I'm going to go back there to see my family still lives there. I'll go back for Thanksgiving. And that's the part I'm looking forward to is it being cold outside. And me wearing a coat that breaks up the fact that I'm three quarters leg and have a very short, disproportional torso. And I think I didn't mean to go. Yeah. I'm sorry. But seriously, I love it. When I put on a P coat, I'm just like this, hey, that guy is real tall and yeah, that guy is a, well, no one's really saying that. No one is saying that. I don't know what you're talking about. Well, anyway, I like seasons. I miss seasons a lot. And I love the walking culture here. I mean, they're in Boston. When you walk around here, people think that you're mentally ill if you're walking. And it's like depressing that if I decide I'm just going to walk, and I'm going to walk to that drug store, to that CVS that's 15 blocks from here. 15. Yeah. I really like to stretch the legs, you know what I'm saying? But people think something's, you know, that's what it's like here in Los Angeles. If someone's on the street, they think that you've something terrible has happened to Conan O'Brien. He's wandering the streets. And it's like, you know, that will happen, but it hasn't happened yet. And I, that's, so that's some of the things that I miss. I had dips below 60 here. That's cool. I can't. No, it's not cool. That's really cool. No, it's not cool. It's so cool. We talk about this all the time. You're like, I hated it. I hated it. It's 65. I can't stand it. It's, no, it's not cool. Your tolerance for the cold has probably changed, though. Like if you go back in the winter, you're like, I don't think so. No, I never make that noise. I would never. I learned that noise from you. OK, well, whatever. Ooh. Ooh. Cold air. And attacking my never-rejun. Oh, man. Well, that's where it tends to go. Hi. Yeah, I don't know. Hello, Conan and Sona. Hey, how are you? I'm good. How are you? We're good. What's your name? Ashley. Hey, Ashley. Hello. So I just wanted to know hypothetically if you could be a podcast host in any other historical period, which one would you choose and why for both of you? Oh, I know mine. Mine would be like 1920s because I love the way people spoke back then. They spoke great and quickly. And their voice was up here. Then it's registered right here. When my voice naturally is. And there's just a lot of like, there's a big skinny. Yeah, hey there, Mr. Mrs. American, all the ships at sea. Big new skaters came through off the great legs. It seems like a Mr. Mrs. Huron are having a little bit of a patty finger situation. You know, you're like, it's all bullshit. It doesn't really matter. People would just go on and on and on. I was at the Stork Club and I saw Joe Demaggio off through. He had the biggest beef pie I've ever seen. Well, anyway, that's our news for today. And then I would leave there and go to the Stork Club. And people would be excited because that guy from the radio is here. Yeah, and you'd wear the fedora. I wear a fedora on. I said, hey, he got me a beef pie. See? You're still talking like that even when you're not on the phone. Oh, yeah. I would always have the microphone with me. So yeah, that would be my era. Oh, I think this is my era. I don't know. Every time I think about older eras, I just think of girls getting their asses slapped a lot. I don't know. That's not. Am I wrong? Am I wrong? No. Wait a minute. Like, if at the 60s, that's a cool era. But oh, yeah. No, it's not for ladies in the workplace. So this is, this, I'll stay here. You like this, this era? This era. Well, wait, do you think when you were working in the 90s, well, you weren't working in the 90s, 2000s? When were you working at Taco Bell? LAUGHTER Um, it was Burger King. And it was in the late 90s. OK. I thought respect at Burger King. Yeah. But also, I was running the drive-through. So you have to get respect at the drive-through. And the order is out in 30 seconds or less. So it's a lot of pressure. Right, right. It's very important. It's like being a surgeon. LAUGHTER Yes, it's just like being a surgeon, working the drive-through section of the Burger King. The Burger King. Yeah. No, I think you're right. It's good to be happy with the era you're in. I am. I'm happy. I mean, you know, I can't do that voice either. And I don't know, like, I don't know what. Are there any other errors or cool, too? But, you know, this one is probably my... This is your era. This is me. This is your era. I'm living in... I'm in the one that's in the wrong era. Yeah. I'm the one that actually uses a typewriter and types notes to people. Yeah, you do. And you're the one... And I don't know how to work my phone. And you're the one that knows everything. You're very much in the moment. I like learning the new stuff that's coming up. I think you're scared of it a little bit. Oh, sorry. LAUGHTER Not at all. Excited about all these new EVs that are coming, huh? I'm not sure that much right now. LAUGHTER Like the Chevy EVs are the best, you know? Like the Silverado. Oh, I love Silverado's, but... Yeah. And EV Silverado's the best one of all of you asked me. Well, I think they're all good, depending on your needs. LAUGHTER Now I'm giving them way too much for their money. LAUGHTER I think that that is our show for the day. Oh. But thank you guys really... It's, you know, it's funny. We do these... I obviously used to do shows with a really huge audience, and then we do these, I would say, 99.8 of them, with no audience, which has its own vibe. It really is nice to come in and be in a room with people that have great energy and enthusiasm and seem to like what we're doing. So thanks so much for being here. We really appreciate it, and we'll get gory here next time, all right? I know. Well, you know? Can you show us? Oh, that sounds very cool. Oh, that's really cool. Oh, you made it short for two of the three. Oh, you made it short for two of the three. Good night, everybody. APPLAUSE I found this good video back to school. Ring the bell, band issues, walking leaves, kind of fence, books and pans. I can tell you that we are going to be friends. This brand new bonus episode of Conan O'Brien, needs a friend, was brought to you by Chevrolet. Chevrolet is near and dear to my heart, you know why? Why? When I was born way back in the day, my dad took me home from the hospital in our family car, you know what it was? What was it? It was a 1963 Chevy Impala. That's a very cool car. It is. It was a cool car. I mean, I didn't think so at the time. Right. Because I was a baby. I just thought, what's this weird machine who are these people? You were even thinking that? That's pretty advanced for a baby. I was very well, when I say baby, I mean, I was 12. No. I was a baby, they took me home in that car. That's cool. And then a member, it was the first. Did they have a car seat? I think so. You know, it's a different time. I know. I think people weren't as safe. I think they held me out the window. Anyway, Chevy is an innovator. They were already the best in the business before they got into electric vehicles. Now they've become the tops in a new market. Yeah. Yeah. Chevrolet is dedicated to making EVs affordable and obtainable to everyone, not just for elites. That's important. Electric vehicles, it cannot just be for some Silicon Valley weirdos. It's got to be for everybody if this is going to work. I think some people are intimidated because they think they're really expensive, but I know Chevy's EVs have always been affordable. Yeah. Yeah. And they're getting more affordable all the time. So, hey, this is exciting news. They got so many different kinds. Learn more about the all electric Chevy EV lineup. Head to chevalet.com slash Conan. That's chevalet.com slash Conan. Chevrolet. Yeah.