Behind the Bastards

There’s a reason the History Channel has produced hundreds of documentaries about Hitler but only a few about Dwight D. Eisenhower. Bad guys (and gals) are eternally fascinating. Behind the Bastards dives in past the Cliffs Notes of the worst humans in history and exposes the bizarre realities of their lives. Listeners will learn about the young adult novels that helped Hitler form his monstrous ideology, the founder of Blackwater’s insane quest to build his own Air Force, the bizarre lives of the sons and daughters of dictators and Saddam Hussein’s side career as a trashy romance novelist.

Part One: Napoleon III: The Worst Bonaparte

Part One: Napoleon III: The Worst Bonaparte

Tue, 29 Nov 2022 11:00

Robert is joined by Matt Lieb to discuss Napoleon III.

(4 Part Series)

See for privacy information.

Listen to Episode

Copyright © 2022 iHeartPodcasts

Read Episode Transcript

Hi there, I'm Dr. John White, Webbedescheap Medical Officer and host of the Spotlight On Series from our Health Discovered Podcast. In this special episode brought to you by Cocentix, we'll dive into psoriasis. It's accompanying comorbidities and its impact on mental health. It's much more than a skin condition and I experienced many of the things that can come along with psoriasis. Obesity, metabolic syndrome, anxiety and depression, high blood pressure and high blood sugar, my cholesterol levels were not normal, anxiety and depression were part and parcel of dealing with chronic disease overall. I kind of had the full bouquet of all of those things. Sort of that unmitigated like inflammatory condition is really dangerous. Listen to Health Discovered on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Too many drivers are killed crossing railroad tracks even though they know a train is approaching. They don't know is even after it breaks a train can take up to a mile to stop. Stop Trains Can't. Paid for by Nitsa You have a dark obsession. You love true crime. An iHeart podcast has gathered the best true crime all in one channel, iHeartTrueCrime Plus. It's packed with podcasts about murder cases, missing persons, serial killers and more. So there's always something disturbingly good to binge and share. iHeartTrueCrime Plus subscribers also enjoy ad-free listening, early access to select episodes and exclusive bonus content. Subscribe to iHeartTrueCrime Plus today exclusively on Apple podcasts. Oh yeah! Oh god damn it's behind the bastards. The only podcast on the internet if you have ever listened to another podcast know you have not that skits of renia. Sorry to tell you this way. That's a radio show. Eat it. This is a podcast about the worst people in all of history and to help me talk about a real son of a bitch, i have Matt Leib, one of the best people in all of history. That's right i'm back. Maybe so happy to be here. I am now a dad. I am just your official legal nickname is now Matt Daddy Leib. I am. So if you just call me daddy on the internet, i'd appreciate it. So to be back guys, just a reminder, i am a part of the creator of the world's only the wire podcast, pod yourself the wire. That's right. So listen to that, give us five stars in our view and you'll enjoy it. Fuck did i do. That's my soundboard. I won't do that too much. I promise. God damn right. Oh i forgot we have a soundboard when you're here. Incredible incredible. It's all the wire drops baby. It's the wire. Amazing. I was just talking about McNulty and how i'm outraged that he is Prince Charles in the crown because he is way too handsome. He's way too handsome. But i am kind of enjoying watching McNulty in his natural accent. Because let's be aware. I haven't heard him do his actual like. No that's what he sounds like. That's what he sounds like. He's a British guy. Yeah. And on the wire, you just like, oh god, sometimes you're like, he's crushing it and sometimes he is just like way off with the Baltimore accent. So it's nice to see him being like, oh my, I'm a Prince of England. You know, that's what he's supposed to sound like. Now you know, speaking of the wire, would you set in Baltimore? Baltimore, compared to where we are, not very far from the Great Lakes. And you know what today is? You know what this week is, Matt Leib? What? It is the 47th anniversary of the sinking of the Edmund Fitzgerald, which took 26 brave men to their deaths at the bottom of the world's primary foe, Lake Superior. Yeah. I remember that. Man, because there's a song about it. Well, the legend lives on from the Chippewa on down. That's right. Yeah, exactly. And I think, Matt, I don't know if we've talked about this, but do you remember in the, in the mid 1980s, when the United States retired, our Titan missile arsenal? I don't remember that specifically. Well, my number one thought about the 80s, but sounds right. The Titan was the largest ICBM ever used or ever deployed. It had a nine megaton nuclear warhead. It was the most single most powerful nuclear weapon in US history. And we got rid of them because number one, they were expensive. And number two, a bunch of them wound up in accidents that almost killed millions of people in a row. Some bullshit. Anyway, my proposal, Matt, we build a shitload more Titans. And we fire all those sons of bitches off at Lake Superior until that's, until it's a goddamn canyon, until that whole fucking lake is a skate park. Yeah. Who's superior now, bitch? That's right, motherfucker. Come on. You think you're so great? Well, how do you like having no water? That's right. We boil it out. Yeah, we boil it out through the bottom. Also, I assume if we use a nuke to boil all of the water out of Lake Superior, the Southwest will get more rain probably, right? That seems like it should solve the problems that the Colorado River. We can make it a little more. It seems like it would solve climate change. Yeah. It's worth a shot, right? Why not? That's why not? That's going to be my campaign slogan, what I want, for precedent. Just in nuke detonating above Lake Superior. Why not? Why not? What do we got to lose? Honestly, if the world's ending anyways, we might as well try a nuke, like, superior model of strategy. Okay, listeners, this has absolutely nothing to do with what we're talking about. It has a little bit to do with what we're talking about today. Please explain how Lake Superior goes. Well, Sophie, Lake Superior by taking the name Superior. Oh, my God. He's putting on airs that it's better than the rest of us. And you know who else thinks they're better than the rest of us. Nazis. Hereditary nobility. Oh, yeah, that's true. That's true. Mack, what do you know about Napoleon? Wait, wait, wait, the third. Oh, love, love Napoleon III. The Napoleon III, I'm a huge Napoleon III stand. Are you? Are you? I am. I mean, you know, I'm maybe I'm not pro Napoleon III, but I'm a big fan. I like that he's the actual small Napoleon. He was. He was a lot smaller than Napoleon Bonaparte, who was slightly above average size for the time. Regular OG Napoleon was like a regular guy, like regular size guy, just with a funny accent. Whereas like Napoleon III is the one who was actually small. And he's also the one who was like, you know, he was what, the first president of France and then immediately became the second emperor of France. Like it's he's a fascinating guy. He is a fascinating guy. He is. His facial hair was a mask. Oh, yeah, those are huge masks. Wonderful facial hair. One of the most influential dudes who ever lived. Yeah. Most people, like when I started this, I knew some about him. I did not realize how much of the modern world was built because of this guy's fumbling. Like he created modernity mainly through fucking up and not thinking through. It's kind of incredible. So there's two big books that I got through for this. One of which sucked and one of which was pretty good. The case with nobility, the fun thing about writing about hereditary European nobility is that basically every second of their lives is documented. Right? You're never wondering, I wonder what was happening in their childhood. I was like, no, man, we've got like 40 different letters from people who worked in the house and we know everything about their lives. The downside is that we know everything about their lives. So this is going to be a four-parter. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's exciting. Exciting times here. So before we get into Nippon, I'm going to just give a bunch of Benadrill to my baby so it sleeps for 12. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know what? Let's both take some Benadrill. Let's all do it. So it takes a Benadrill and hear noises that aren't there. As I decide, we were hanging out recently with Dr. Kava Hoda of the House of Pod, a friend of the show. And I showed, it was him and another Dr. Friend of his who was in from out of state and we were all drinking together and I realized they hadn't heard about the Benadrill subreddit where teenagers take insane doses of Benadrill in order to hallucinate and I put it, they were distraught. Kava was trying to log in through my friends Reddit account to post, to warn people to stop doing what they were like, no, no, no, Kava, they already took the 600 milligrams of Benadrill. They've done what they're doing. I'm so sorry. That was me. It's too late. Yeah. You can't stop this. I didn't know that there was a subreddit about it. Subreddit about it. I actually, there was when I was really, really into drugs at one point, I was just like looking up what kind of adverse effects can happen if you take too much of whatever drug and there's stuff you want to avoid, obviously, like any non-steroidal anti-inflammatories will really fuck you up. But you want to avoid most of the drugs that are medicine for something else unless you take a pile of them. Right. 100%. 100%. But I did read back in those days that, yeah, if you take a bunch of Benadrill, you'll have auditory hallucinations. And you will a bunch and a high play a whole symphony in my head. It was incredible. Oh, wow. You ate a good two. Okay. Well, no, then my back though, my spine felt like it was vibrating out of my body. Yeah. It was very painful. It wasn't fun. And I think I almost died. But music. Music in the hicc. Yeah. So, you know, speaking of music, there's an overture about Napoleon, right? Like the 1812 overture. So anyway, let's talk about Napoleon. Bonaparte. Less. One day we'll do episodes on Napoleon. Obviously, he's a fascinating bastard, but we just need to go into a little bit of history kind of about the later period of his reign because that's where the life of Napoleon III starts. Absolutely. So in 1808, Napoleon Bonaparte was the master of Europe. He had been born in Corsica, which was on the periphery of French power to a fairly minor noble family. He was actually more Italian than French, like the way that we would talk about it now. But Italy was not its own thing, right? It was kind of being consistently fought over by the Austrians and the French and Yadda Yadda. And 1789, when we have ourselves a French revolution, Napoleon Bonaparte was a fervent supporter of the revolution. He was a Republican for a while. Yeah. I mean, that in like the literal he supported a Republican. A Republican, yes. Yeah. He was a Jacobin or at least he, he, he, he, probably, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And obviously, like you could say, like, oh, he was, you know, lying the whole time waiting to get power. So I think people change their opinion on stuff over time and when, I don't know, whatever, I don't, I don't know, I'm not an expert on Napoleon Bonaparte. Yeah. So he, he did lament the execution of the king and queen of France. But he broadly speaking thought that the Republic was a good idea. And he served it exceptionally well in it as an officer in the military, despite the fact that he was at one point briefly imprisoned during the reign of terror. And eventually the post revolutionary government, spoiler, proved kind of dysfunctional, partly due to the fact that they kept murdering each other and the bunch of other people. Yeah. And different, different factions kept getting in power and beheading the other factions. Yeah. And you know, there's a shitload of wars, which is how Napoleon Bonaparte winds up fighting in Egypt, which you might recognize as pretty fucking far from France. They had to get in before the British got it. I understand the entire, you know, like why they did it? Because they're like, nah, dude, if we don't do this fucking Britain's going to do it. But it was a terrible idea. And his experience in Egypt is, it's a little bit kind of like Erwin Rommel's going to be a couple hundred years later where he doesn't win, but everyone's very impressed with how well he does and he kind of nearly pulls it off. So he's a war hero when he comes back to France, overthrows the government and establishes himself as first consul. You're skimming over a lot of stuff here, but yeah. Yeah. So this and the number of other things pisses off the other powers of Europe, who were already not thrilled about the French Revolution and one by one, they start coming after him. And Napoleon beats them all. He is, it is, you know, talking, when you talk about like what make ranking like the quality of military commanders, you kind of have to do everyone before about World War I and then everyone after because the nature of war changes so soon. So drastically, but Napoleon, up the first like several thousand years of human war, being a good general pretty much always means the same thing, which is right. You have this set piece military and you were able to like, you were able to command it in a war of maneuver until bringing the other enemy to battle and defeating them, right? That's what makes you a good military commander. And it is, it is arguable that Napoleon was the best at that that any human being has ever been. He has a military record in terms of numbers of victories in terms of number of times he was outnumbered that eclipses Alexander the Great and basically everybody else. He is, he is unstoppable right up until the end when he has stopped. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, to put it in modern warfare terms, like his death to kill ratio was like amazing. And he could do like 360 no scopes all day long. That's right. He no scopes the shit out of everyone in Europe for a while. Obviously he's going to over reach here in a little bit, but that hasn't happened in 1808. Things are doing great there. His armies dominate most of Europe. He's declared emperor in 1804. And as soon as that happens, the Bonaparte's who again had been kind of a minor noble family are suddenly like one of the great families of Europe. They're equal to the Habsburgs in the House of Fucking Windsor, right? Because all of fucking Europe is their domain. Now Napoleon being the head of the family because he has effectively conquered Western Europe starts to turn the Bonaparte into the regents of territories he's conquered, right? Like, they're my brothers and cousins and shit. Like I can trust them the best. So I'm going to make them kings of these areas I've captured. All right. So this whole thing, we're just going to call it like North Italy. Yeah. You just rule all that shit, okay? Many all bitches take Spain and fucking whatever, dude. This is it because it's so modern like people look at this and are like, wow, this is really like gangster shit. But that's the only way that fought feudalism has ever worked. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all just gangster shit. Gangster shit is based off of feudalism. That's that's that was the original gangster shit. So Joseph is the kid becomes the king of Naples. They also the king of Spain. Jerome is made the king of Westphalia and I never remember where Westphalia is, but it's somewhere in somewhere west west of West of Westphalia, you would assume. His sister's Alisa and Pauline become princesses. His sister Carolyn is made a queen of somewhere. Lucian actually you bring up Lucian refuses his brother. He will not bow to his like his kin. But Lewis Napoleon who is also almost as strong headed as Lucian does reluctantly agree to serve his king of Denmark. Now it will not surprise you to learn that Napoleon Bonaparte rules his family with the same kind of iron fist as he rules every he is literally Napoleon. Right. Yeah. So he commands them to marry who he wants them to marry. He orders them to get divorced just as easily. He names their children for them. No, no Bonaparte who accepts a royal gift is allowed to travel without his permission. He keeps them on a tight leash. But as long as their brother remains emperor, they've also got all of the wealth and influence that they could have only dreamed of before. So it's kind of a mixed bag. As some people know, the great love of Napoleon's life is the Empress Josephine. She had two children already when they got married. And Napoleon is going to have a bunch of children with his mistresses. But for unknown reasons, she and Napoleon are unable to conceive children together. They both do have kids with other people, but they just can't together. There's theories about why that after she has her something. I mean, yeah, I think the leading theories that after she has her first two kids, something happens and she's infertile. But obviously we're not going to know exactly why because this is 1806 or whatever. I say zoom the body and check on those. Get in there. Get in there. Open it up. See what's going on. Maybe there's a little, you know, egg topic, Napoleon baby in there. Do the Jurassic Park thing suck out a little bit of Napoleon, Josephine, DNA, and boom. Finally make that baby. Put them in a Raptor cage, have fucking Moldoon with a shotgun sitting outside, feed him goats. I don't know what we're doing here. They remember. Yeah, they should all be destroyed. It would be funny to be like a Nick U doctor and do that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, dressed up as Moldoon. Putting bottles in their mouths. Spass 12 by your side. Anyway. So yeah, they are unable to have a kid together, which is a problem because Napoleon is the emperor of France and, you know, having an heir is kind of important. Yeah, it's a good one. So he's got some kids with his side chick, Eleanor, but you know, they're not legal kids. So eventually Napoleon is going to divorce Josephine, although he remains in love with her for the rest of his life. It's a complicated story. But he divorces her to Mary, a teenage girl named Mary Luis. She is 18, which is, I got a second. I say, from by the standards of European royalty in the 1800s, he, he, he likes some old. Yeah, yeah, that's true. That's true. Like that is basically like, but 10 years from death at this point. Yeah, that is made. That was legally 55 years old back then. So he marries Marie Luis, who is the daughter of the emperor of Austria to try to get himself a baby that can be his heir. But in the meantime, you know, anything could happen. You've got a, he's constantly going to war and shit. So you've got to take actions to ensure that the burgeoning house of Bonaparte has an actual line of secession. For reasons that makes sense to royalists, Napoleon Bonaparte decides the best thing he can do is marry Josephine's daughter, who tends off to his younger brother, Luis, to connect the families by blood. Their children would be Bonaparte's and thus eligible to inherit the empire. Now, and again, that's actually the shows kind of even though he does, a divorceeur in this way that's kind of fucked up that he loves Josephine because he's like, well, I'm going to make sure my heir is a mix of her blood and my blood, even though we can't even see the child together, which is fascinating. I actually can't really think of another case of something like that. It's a very interesting story. No, he's a simp. I mean, like he's the biggest Josephine simp of all time, you know, like he's a, he was a simp and we have all of his letters to prove it. And listen, I, I am also a simp. So I just want to say a simp ride and I don't think we should use it as a slur. How about that? Mm-hmm. Hey, you know what, Matt? We could call him the simp or Napoleon. Oh, here we go. All right. We got puns. All right. So as with most royal marriages, no consideration was given as to whether or not, uh, Luis and Hortens actually wanted to be in a relationship. That was not at all important to Napoleon, Bonaparte. Um, I'm going to quote now from Luis Napoleon and the second empire, a book by J.M. Thompson. And this is the biography that I did not like as much. Quote, she was not in love with Luis and he did not want to marry, but they could not withstand the Emperor's will and were made man and wife by the papal legate, Cardinal Caprara on January 4th, 1802. On October 10th, the same year, their first son was born named Napoleon Charles. On October 11th, 1804, a second son named Napoleon Luis. By this time, everyone knew that the marriage was a failure. Louis neglected his wife, just, uh, disliked her girlish tastes, suspected her friendships and spied on her at every turn. She pined for Paris and Malmastone and resented his puritanical discipline. So it's not a love marriage. It's not going great. She wants to have a life and he is angry whenever she does anything, but like sit like a none in her house. Also as a heads up, right. His first two kids are Napoleon Charles and, uh, Napoleon Louis. He is Louis Napoleon. Hey, everybody, Robert here. Uh, sorry, I make a number of mistakes about royalty early on. I am trying to correct them. Now he's not Louis Napoleon. He is Louis Bonaparte. Now, keep that in mind because I'm about to call him Louis Napoleon a bunch of times. It is very frustrating, but no, the brother of Napoleon Bonaparte is Louis Bonaparte. His sons are Louis Napoleon and Napoleon Louis, but they are also Bonaparte's. I'm sorry. This is very frustrating. Uh, I made some mistakes here. Um, there are uncle is Napoleon Bonaparte. The names are going to be frustrating in the first episode or so of this. Yeah, it's going to be difficult to tell them all apart. Yeah. So Louis Napoleon, again, the dad, Napoleon Bonaparte's brother is also one of Napoleon's best generals, right? Like this is not a case where he just like makes his brother a general and he's like, Napoleon's Louis Napoleon is a very capable field commander and he runs his house like a household of soldiers. Nothing Hortens did was ever good enough for him. It was a sad marriage and her only comfort was her confusingly named sons. Napoleon Charles and Napoleon Louis, like all tales of European nobility. This again has about 100 people with the same name and we'll do the best here. So Napoleon Bonaparte is an interesting guy. He's a monster and I mean, he kills millions of people or gets them killed. But he also is like a weirdly understanding dude in some ways and he saw the way that his brother Louis was acting in the marriage and from a castle in Poland where he was with the time living with his mistress, he sends his brother a letter. Quote, your quarrels with the queen are becoming public property. If only you would keep for family life, the fatherly and effeminate disposition you exhibit in the sphere of government and apply to public affairs, the severity that you display at home. You drill your young wife like a regiment of soldiers. You have the best and worthiest wife in the world and yet you are making her unhappy. But her dance as much as she likes, she is just the age for it. Do you expect a wife of 20 who sees her life slipping away and dreams of all she is missing to live in a nunnery or a nursery with nothing to do but bathe her baby? Make or tense happy, she is the mother of your children. The only way to treat her is with all possible trust and respect. It's a pity she is so virtuous. If you were married to a flirt, she would lead you by the nose but she is proud to be your wife and is pained and repelled by the mere idea that you may be thinking poorly of her. That's like pretty good. He's 100% right and it's also coming from a place of like, do you know how lucky you are to have a lady who's not cheating on you all the time? Yeah. Okay. And she's like, if he did wish cheat on me and I would have worse down. You know how lucky you are. I do, I do, it does kind of make me like him more to hear him be like, dude let her dance, she's a kid. What do you want? Chill out. Stop being a dick. It is funny that Louis Napoleon was basically like, you know, all she wants to do all day is dance and other girl stuff and it's like, can we ride a fucking horse, please? Please. It's interesting too. The Napoleon's are fat, the bottom parts are fascinating because Louis Napoleon is a dick at this point. He's going to evolve into like the only correct person in the entire story. This Louis Napoleon, not his son, also Louis Napoleon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, other. This is Louis Bonaparte, sorry, not Louis Bonaparte, his son is Louis Napoleon. I hate the fucking names. Yeah. Yeah. So shortly after sending this letter, Louis Napoleon sung, young Napoleon Louis, or sorry, Louis Bonaparte son, young Napoleon Louis. I'm having a stroke, dude. I'm sorry. It's horrible. He gets one of the infinite number of sicknesses that little kids get back then and he's soon dead as hell. Very sad. Yeah. Louis's tragedy shocks Louis Bonaparte into acting less like a piece of shit for a little while like he tries to be chill with his wife because their kid just died. He's doing his best. He's not like a goblin. For his part, Napoleon Bonaparte is concerned about the fact that he's down in air, right? But to his credit, he doesn't focus primarily on that. He focuses his attention on Hortens. Again, he really loves her like a daughter and he writes to her that he's worried because this quote, you have lost interest in life and are indifferent to everything. So which is also an understanding way to feel in that situation. But it's also interesting that he recognizes that. This makes Charles Napoleon the heir to the Empire, which is quite a lot of pressure. That pressure gets eased a little bit on April 20th, 1808, when Louis Bonaparte and Hortens have their third son, who they named Louis Napoleon Bonaparte. So we just lost Napoleon Louis. Now we've got Louis Napoleon, the focus of the episode, son of Louis Bonaparte. So Louis Bonaparte is the king of Holland, brother of Napoleon Bonaparte. His son's Charles Napoleon and Louis Napoleon are now the kids that are alive. I hate this too. And you would think you would have learned from this by now, but I was just reading that 10% of the US Senate is now made up of Johns. Unbelievable. I know. Should be illegal. Should be a crime. Like did we not learn from Napoleon? Get a new name. What do you know? You know what else should be a crime? That was. Allowing the Great Lakes to exist. Unmolested. Absolutely. Absolutely. That's the real sedition. Fuck this January 6th shit. We need to investigate sympathizers with the Great Lakes. Yeah. Speaking of the Great Lakes, have you heard the viral song about Michigan's governor, Gretchen Whitmer called Big Gretch because it's a vibe. Is it like a pro-Gretch song? Yeah. Oh, okay. Like fuck with us. We got Big Gretch. It's really. It made me as a person with relatives from Michigan. It made me laugh because only Michigan. Yeah, only Michigan would think. Can we keep the Great Lakes in Michigan and just get rid of the ones that aren't in Michigan? No. Which is like Michigan, the one that's in Michigan. So, you know, do you guys remember when we did debatification in Iraq? That's what we need to do with the Great Lakes. Yeah. We need to debat. Yeah. We need to debat. Debat that make it not a giant bath. No more. I don't know what I'm saying. I'm losing my mind. I haven't slept in eight days. Yeah. We should do that with the Lake Superior and all the lakes, dude. Destroy it. Fuck them. The Great Lakes are the real cabal, you know? I agree. I agree. 100%. Anyway. Do you hear that Kanye? It's not the people who you think are true. Yeah. Let's go deathcon three. Let's go deathcon three on the Great Lakes. Deathcon three. Napoleon's gonna be like fucking Cyrus the Great or his fucking Kanye is gonna be like Cyrus the Great Ordering him into whip the lake. Yes. Yes. That's the shit we need, baby. I love a good Cyrus the Great reference. Oh man. He was pretty good. He was pretty good. Here's some ads. Ah, the holidays. It's easy to get wrapped up in the spirit of giving except you might actually be giving away a lot more than you mean to this time of year we all tend to do more things online. Things like browsing, sharing and shopping for gifts and travel. But more online time can also mean that more of your personal info is out there getting exposed. Lifelock makes it easy to help protect your identity during the holiday season and all year round. And if you ever do become a victim of identity theft, a dedicated US based identity restoration specialist will work to fix it. No one can prevent all identity theft or monitor all transactions at all businesses. But with Lifelock by Norton, you've got identity theft protection all wrapped up. Unlike that pile of presents you've probably got sitting in your closet. Join Lifelock today and save up to 25% off your first year at slash BTB. That's slash BTB for 25% off. Again join Lifelock today at slash BTB for 25% off. Okay go ahead and admit it. You have a dark obsession. An obsession that you just can't quit. You love true crime. And if you're all about unsolved murders and a furious deeds and gruesome occurrences, I Heart True Crime Plus is the podcast feed for you. I Heart Podcasts has gathered the best of true crime all in one podcast channel. From your favorite shows to new podcasts you've yet to discover, I Heart True Crime Plus is packed with murder cases, missing persons, serial killers, conspiracies, and everything in between. Always something new and disturbingly good to binge and share. Get the latest episodes and new seasons of your favorite podcasts like The Piked and Massacre at Lanna Monster, what happened to Sandy Beale and Moore. I Heart True Crime Plus subscribers also enjoy an ad-free listening experience early access to select episodes and exclusive never before heard bonus content. Feed your true crime obsession. Subscribe to I Heart True Crime Plus today exclusively on Apple podcasts. I Heartland is now open on Roblox, tell everyone you know who loves Roblox and tell everyone you know who loves music, games, and creating. In I Heartland you'll see concerts from amazing artists like Lou. You'll play, you'll build, you'll hang out with other Roblox fans. Bringing people together. That's what I Heartland on Roblox is all about. Now open to get started. Check out I Heart Radio dot com slash I Heartland. We're back. I've just been ogling pictures of Cyrus the great incredible calves. Oh yeah. I have a time machine. I only use it to get photos of the calves of historical hotties. Just couldn't stop 9-11 shows not to. Just let that one happen. Yeah. Back to 9-10 just to be like I ain't stopping this. Yeah. I didn't. I ain't nothing. Yeah. Anyway, let's talk about all of the different people named Lewis Napoleon. God. So annoying. His father who was Lewis Bonaparte, not Lewis Napoleon, but who I will probably mistakenly call Lewis Napoleon and another couple of times in this story. 100%. Yeah. Periodically it's going to be a dick, but pretty much after this point he gets increasingly chill. So, you know, people grow over time. The marriage though between Lewis Bonaparte and Hortens is unhappy enough that Lewis asks his brother Napoleon Bonaparte for permission to have a divorce soon after the birth of Lewis Napoleon, the focus of our episode. But since Napoleon had just divorced Josephine so he could marry a teenager to have babies, felt that imperial prestige had taken enough of a hit from the divorce already and so he told his brother no. So the earliest years of Lewis Napoleon's life included frequent fights between his mother and father and long periods of separation where he generally spent time with his mom. He does not really have a relationship with his dad for most of the first like 14 years of his life. That's why he's so tiny. It's done to his growth. It's done to his growth. That's right. That's right. Dad's or how you get tall. Yeah. Now, it is unlikely that he had much memory of the period in which his father was king of Holland because in 1810 when he's two, Lewis Bonaparte has a series of fights with his brother. And it all came down to Napoleon Bonaparte's controlling nature. He wanted his brothers to act as regents only if he do what they said, acting as his proxies. And Lewis Bonaparte is a guy with some integrity. He's like, well, if I'm the king, then I should be like making my own decisions. And when he realizes that that's not okay, he's like, well, fuck it. I abdicate. Right. Yeah. What's the point of me being a king if my stupid brother is just going to tell me how to do king shit? Yeah. So he quits. He flees to Bohemia, leaving his wife in charge of the kid. And now that his brother isn't king anymore, Napoleon doesn't care if they stay together. And he gives Hortense a pile of money to live peacefully in Paris with her sons. Who are still his heirs, right? Their kids are still his heirs to the throne. Yeah. Now, as is sometimes the case, things between Lewis Bonaparte and Hortense get better after they split up. They just are not people who should have ever been married. And the two remain married, but separated the rest of Hortense's life. This is probably best for everyone involved, but it means that as little Lewis grows up, his father is this distant seldom seen figure. He deeply admires his dad because his dad's a war hero and a former king, but he doesn't know him well. And as Hortense had found, it was very difficult for him to be good enough for Lewis Bonaparte. Some biography writes that during this time he, quote, knew of his father only as an enemy. Some sources have claimed that Emperor Napoleon himself kind of sailed into the gap to act as the main male role model for Lewis during this period. This is sort of true, but not in a way that means he was like there regularly. It still probably means the young Lewis, Lewis has like five memories of ever meeting the guy. By ever for J.M. Thompson writes, quote, Lewis Napoleon would be too young to remember more, perhaps than the impression of a sleek, tubby, talkative little man who took him on his knee, lifting him alarmingly by his head, a man with a menacing eye and a habit of shouting behind closed doors, at ministers or ambassadors. It was the rule that Hortense and her children should die in once a week at the Touliris, where the Emperor would make them sit at the table and tell them stories from La Fontaine between conversations with the actors, architects, or officials who might have business to do with him. Now, La Fontaine, and that's who Napoleon Bonaparte, these kids who are his he's reading them stories from this French author who writes fables, right? La Fontaine is a French author who wrote fables in the late 1600s. And I wanted to know like, what kind of bedtime stories did Napoleon Bonaparte think were like valuable to give his heirs? Because you have to assume he was a pretty intentional guy like he picked them for a reason. I found a write up by Russell Gannam that explains why Napoleon likely thought these stories in particular were good to raise his young heirs with, quote, for the most part, the discourse on authority communicated in the illustrated fables portrays a kind of enlightened despotism that advocates centralized authority. But one that protects those who do not wield influence and affirms their right to respect grievances or express grievances, which is kind of the way the Napoleon runs things like you're not it's not totalitarian. You're allowed to like make fun of him and stuff. Right. It's just like kind of liberal because he knows it doesn't matter. He was an enlightened despot. That's exactly right. Yeah. He's like, listen, I have all the power. I have the best army in the world. You guys can talk a little bit of shit. That's not great. Yeah, you can talk some shit. Yeah. That's fine. Um, as master of Europe, Napoleon is like traveling a lot. He spends less than 150 days in Paris during the time that he was emperor and Lewis is a human being. So again, not around a lot. By the time Lewis was four, Napoleon had gone off to fight in Russia, which goes as well, as well as fighting for Russia usually goes for everyone, including Russia. Yeah. It is doesn't end well. Yeah. He loses his empire. This leads to a brief period where the Bonaparte family are still in position across Europe. But the Allies have like forced Napoleon into exile. They send troops into Paris. And oddly enough, this is not a bad memory for young Lewis Napoleon. So Alexander, it's the second or the third. He's the Alexander who's going to become Zarr. He's, he's, uh, Nicky's dad, right? So hey, Robert here, I fucked up again. So again, royalty, very frustrating. Alexander the first was already Zarr when he entered Paris in 1814. He is going to be, he's the brother of Zarr Nicholas, the first who is the father of Zarr Alexander, the second who is the father of Nicholas, the second who is the Nicky that we covered in our four-parter. He's the one with Rasputin and the getting murdered and all that stuff. Again, royalty, very frustrating, very complicated, too many names that are the same. And he's not Zarr yet. He's the Zarevich, right? He's, yeah. But he, he winds up with his army in the French capital in 1814. And he actually becomes really close with Hortens and Lewis Napoleon and his brother, Napoleon Charles or whatever. Despite having watched like, again, Alexander helps wage one of those devastating wars in history against her father-in-law. But despite all this, he's extremely kind to Hortens and becomes a close friend, often showing up to check in on her. He just kind of recognizes, well, her, you know, her, her, her dad and her, or sorry, her mom and her, her, her father-in-law basically have been like forced out. This is scary. You know, I'm going to, I'll check in on her. She's a young mom. And he is a, just want to make sure you're doing okay. I've been killing other people's. Yeah. This, this is the guy who will have a, who will, who will force a train conductor to crash a train drunkenly and then blame it on the Jews. So not, shouldn't be mistaken about how quality a man this is. So he's like, he's, he's, he's becomes close to the family. Six-year-old Lewis Napoleon is so grateful to the future's are for comforting his mother that during one visit quote, the little fellow cycled up to him and quietly placed one of the zars, on one of the zars fingers, a ring in which his, his uncle prints Eugene, the visceral of Italy had given him the boy, unbeing asked by his mother what he meant by this, said, I have only this ring, which my uncle gave me, but I have given it to the emperor Alexander because he has been so kind to you, dear mama. And Zara Alexander keeps the ring for the rest of his life. So that's cool. That's really sweet. That is sweet. Yeah, he's a sweet kid. Like, again, he's like six at this point. He hasn't done anything wrong. This is just like a guy who's nice to his mom in a difficult time. Now, if you know the Napoleon story, you know, he's back from exile pretty quick. He just kind of sails to France. They send the army to stop and he's like, hey, army, you remember that like, we used to be cool. What did we did it again? And they're like, absolutely Napoleon. What's fucking do it? My favorite part about it is that like the, the, the Burbons were back for like six months. Yeah, they have like a couple of months. Yeah, and then people were just like, oh, this fucking sucks. And Napoleon just walks over like, can I be emperor again? And all the others like, yep. Well, I just do it. Yep. He is hard to overstate how popular Napoleon Bonaparte is. Very popular. Very popular. Yeah. So for a little bit, the Bonaparte are the first family in Paris again. This does not last very long. The last time Louis Napoleon will ever see his uncle is the night before Napoleon departs to march with his army for Waterloo. As he says goodbye to his heir, Louis Napoleon tells, tells Napoleon Bonaparte, quote, sire, I don't want you to go to the war. Those wicked allies will kill you. The emperor was standing next to his number one military commander, Marshall Sout. Sout, I don't know how to pronounce that fucking name. Napoleon could not bring himself to hug his heir because you know, it's 1812. So he tells Sout, embrace the child Marshall. Yes, a good heart. That's one day he will be the hope of my race. Whoa. I could not hug the child, but I will have my chief military commander. Shake my child's hand. Yes, he's just weeping, shake his hand. Shake his hand. Don't wipe his tears. That's too kind. Yeah. So after this Napoleon marches off to Waterloo, doesn't go well for him. He gets exiled for the final time somewhere in that period, Bill and Ted take him into the 1980s. I forget exactly when his family never sees him again though. After this point, the Bonaparte are pariahs in Europe, right? They lose their kingdoms. They are for it is illegal to exist in France as a Bonaparte after this period. They are banned from the country. Some of that is because the the the the Bourbon family takes over and they're like, we can't let these people ever exist in France again. Part of it is that like all of Europe is frightened of Napoleon in a way that like there's really not a guy like that. It's like if yeah, I don't know. I don't know that there's ever been like Hitler's the closest, but it's kind of like we hate Hitler because he was just like this monstrous engine of evil. Napoleon is like just feared because of how he was just very competent, right? Yeah, and he was doing all of the things that like really like were a threat to I think royal royalism in general. Like not only was he like had the best army in the world was super popular. Yeah, like royals don't need to be popular. They just need to be more powerful. He's popular and he's liberalizing. So we do everything. It's like he represents probably the biggest threat to royalism in Europe ever at this time. If you read the way they talked about him, like the other crown heads of Europe, they talk about him like an alien or a plague, like a monster, like something supernatural. That's the way. So anyway, they are on the run basically like his family is on the run in Europe for a while because nobody will fucking take them. Louis the 18th is installed as king of France. I'm going to veer between using Louis and Louis a number of times. As I'm going to mispronounce most of the French things in this episode, you can you can deal with it. Look, if you want someone who can pronounce things and is competent, listen to Mike Duncan, you know, exactly. I love Mike Duncan. I love Mike Duncan, but he can't pronounce things. He tries real hard though. He's better than me. Oh, yeah, 100%. He's better than most. I like that. He tries. He tries. We are not going to trial that. No. That's what this podcast is about. Not trial. You're God damn right it is, man. So he agrees to preserve. He had agreed when he had taken power the first time before Napoleon came back to preserve all of the liberties granted by the revolutionary constitution. He doesn't do this when he comes back the second time. He cracks down a lot more that time. They're like we're doing the white terror. How about that? He also he doesn't get to make it an absolute monarchy again because like the Republicans are still very powerful in France. We're like, all right, well, if you push too far, we did murder all of you once. Like this could happen again. Let's not be too fucking cocky, right? Yeah, yeah. You know we'll do it. So under Louis XVIII France returns to being kind of a mid-level power in Europe, right? They are certainly nowhere near the heights they had experienced under Napoleon, which they don't love. He intervenes after a few years in a Spanish Civil War taking Madrid from rebels who had deposed the king, but he removes his troops once the fighting is done, which kind of proves to the British that France is no longer like trying to take over Europe. Louis XVIII dies in September 1824 when Louis Napoleon is 16 years old. Now his father had finally become a more regular force in his life two years earlier. Again, Louis Bonaparte. His chunk of the family had spent the intervening years after Napoleon's defeat living kind of as nomads, sometimes hounded by the authorities. It was not until 1817 that Hortens received permission to settle in Bavaria with her son. Soon after, she was allowed to settle in Switzerland too, where she moved onto a fancy estate and her oldest son goes off to live with it. So Napoleon Charles goes off to live with Louis Bonaparte, but Prince Louis Napoleon, who's still technically Napoleon Bonaparte's heir or second heir after his older brother, lives in Switzerland with his mom. That's where he grows up. I'm going to quote now from the book The Shadow Emperor by Alan Strasse Schum, which is the book about Napoleon III that I enjoyed. The past couple of years of continuous personal upheaval and uncertainty had taken a permanent toll on both Hortens and her son, Louis Napoleon. Always at the back of her mind was the anxiety that soldiers would once again appear on her doorstep with signed orders from the British foreign office and the other four members of the Allied Coalition to expel her and her young family from yet another country. That young Prince Louis Napoleon had became as cautious and wary as his mother of people and of the preferred friendship of newcomers, what's hardly surprising. For the first time in his life, the young 9-year-old Prince Louis Napoleon had a permanent roof over his head in 1817. His first home in Augsburg, where he soon attended regular classes at the gymnasium or high school with other members of the aristocracy and how to bourgeoisie. He was cautiously happy. Gradually the anxiety of the volcanic events of the last three years following the fall of Napoleon now eased his new daily route. His classes were in German of course and he quickly became fluent in that language. Gradually come into the point where he spoke French at home with a German accent which remained with him for the rest of his life. And sorry, his older brother is 16, he's 9 when they get a permanent home. So it's worth noting that even at the worst points in their flight, the Bonaparte were never anything but very wealthy and comfortable. The other crowned heads of Europe may have hated and feared Napoleon, but they hated the idea that high royalty could ever become poor or destitute even more. It's kind of more frightening for them to think that someone could fall that far. As a result, the Bonaparte keep their fortunes and continue. When I say they're like living as nomads, they're like traveling between mansions and estates and castles, right? Often living at someone else's castle for a while, but still a castle. Yeah. Yeah, none of them are ever living in shacks and wearing a burlap sack for clothes. They're doing rich people shit, but they're like, you know, they don't have the deed to the property, maybe. It's like when a billionaire goes to prison and his prison is nicer than like anyone you know is a part of. Any of my L.A. U.S. D schools that I went to for 12 years. Yeah. That's the way it's like. That's the way it's like. You guys have faster internet than my high school. So as a result of all this, Louis Napoleon grows up fearing not the allied nations who had broken his uncle, but his own father, right? And it's not the fear. He's not afraid that his dad's going to hit him as far as I know is never physically abusive. And I don't even think he's mentally abusive really. He's instead just intensely, constantly critical of everything his son tries to do. And normally I'd say that's not good, but his son is a giant shithead. Louis Napoleon is a huge shithead. So Louis Bonaparte is right to be constantly critical of him. Biographer Alan Stross-Schum writes, quote, no one can begin to understand Napoleon the third without fully comprehending the significance of that negative father-son relationship, leaving a much battered ego and sense of self esteem helplessly suppressed and humiliated by a twisted unstable father. I give you my heartfelt blessings, his father wrote following his son's first communion in April 1921. I pray that God gives you a pure and grateful heart towards him, he who was author of all that is good, and he sheds his light on you, even that you may fulfill your duties to your country and your parents, and that you may understand the differences between right and wrong. This was probably the most benevolent letter his father ever wrote. It was to prove his rarest snows of the Sahara. So a particularly fascinating example of the relationship between these two guys comes in January of 1829. When at age 21, Louis Napoleon, who, you know, he's done a mandatory period of service in the Swiss military at this point, he's going to become an officer there eventually. He decides he might want to take up a military career as a more permanent thing. Now this is obviously the Bonaparte family business, his father's a very good general, his uncle's the best of all time. And you might think Louis Bonaparte would have approved this unjoining the military, but Louis has just fought through the worst war, maybe in human history up to that point. And he's kind of been like traumatized by it. He's affected by it. He's sacked by it. Yeah, but yeah. So his son, Louis Napoleon wants to join the Russian army, and this has opened him because the Tsar, you know, is close with his mom, right? This is a thing that he can work out. He's got the ring. He's like, hey, he's got the ring. Yeah. He's served. At the moment, the Russians are kind of fighting one of their brutal grinding wars against the Turks and the Balkans in the Black Sea area. And Louis Napoleon writes bat or Louis Bonaparte writes back to Louis Napoleon that while fighting Muslim barbarians is an honorable task, it's not honorable the way his son plans to do it. He writes, quote, to be sure nothing is finer than military glory, to know that everyone is talking about you, to command armies, and to be in a position to change the destinies of people and nations. All of that, of course, is fine and attractive and cannot but excite a young gentleman's imagination. Unfortunately, one must also face a very real truth, one quite contrary to that noble view, and that is that all war, apart from that of legitimate self-defense of one home, one's home in nation, is in fact nothing but the act of a barbarian, which is only distinguished from that of savages and wild beasts by more satisfactory lies regarding its alleged necessity. His father continues that he should never forget, quote, one must only go to war and fight for his own country and for no others. Anyone who acts otherwise is just a mercenary, acting on contrived motives or else is simply bloody minded. Which is like the most reasonable thing anyone's ever going to say to this kid. Yeah, 100%. It's like, and bro, of all the countries to join, you're going to join Russia to fight in the Balkans, it just seems like. Yeah, bro. And then when they do the soldiers in Russia, they're not even people. They just end up going like, you know what they do in the Balkans? Like, God, it's nothing but like, hey, just throw people at the other people. They literally are ammo. I do. I like that. And I find it interesting that because Lewis Napoleon is like, he starts this way like, hey man, I have been a famous general and the command of the most famous military leader in history. I know it's addictive, it's incredible to feel that kind of power and to feel like you're the center of the world's attention. But it's also evil and at the end of the day, anyone who says that what we were doing, anyone who says that what anyone's doing in that is anything but like, butchery is a liar. That's, it's kind of cool that he not only recognizes that, but finds it so important to try to get this across to his son. Yeah. And he does it, you know, in sort of a circuitous way where he's just like, no, don't, you don't want to fight for some other country, you know? Yeah. If you have to do barbarism, you got to do it for France. I mean, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, and Lewis Napoleon, he listens for now. He does not join the Russian army, but he's going to be too much of a bonapart to stay away from the action and the pages of history for very long. So while he's muttering about his uncle's successor on the French throne decides to set up a military adventure of his own, and this is, I think, Charles the 10th is the French king at this point. He invades Algeria on the advice of his prime minister. Now, look at a map of Algeria in relation to France. There's no reason for France. France is not threatened by Algeria, right? This is not like a France and Germany going to war because they're afraid one is going to like, this is pure colonial adventurism, right? Yeah. It is Algeria at this point is an Ottoman province, and the Ottomans leave it be. Like it's part of the Ottoman Empire. They don't govern it in a meaningful way. There's like a city there that they control in some trade routes, but mostly it's just people living in Algeria who are like, we're part of a country. What do you mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why are you trying to set up all these DMVs everywhere? Yeah, we do. We live in our lives. So the French people are, yeah, this is a complicated thing in France, right? Because there's still a lot of desire to be an imperial power, like all these other countries they see around them. But also this seems like an expensive and dangerous gamble. And there also the French people are kind of pissed at Charles the 10th because he is kind of a revanchist, right? He's on the side of the divine right of King's folks. One of the first things he does is he reduces the size of the eligible French electorate, the number of French people who get to vote for Parliament from 5 million men to just 25,000. So he effectively turns it into only the very wealthiest people have any kind of a vote. And he's hoping, the re part of why he invades Algeria as he's hoping it's going to distract from this. But the word does not go well. It turns into, I mean, we all know this, right? It's like an Afghanistan kind of situation. It's the kind of thing that like US citizens and Russian citizens now are very familiar with, right? He invades a country and realizes this is going to be a continuing problem. Yeah. They tend to end up. And this is a, they literally stay there till the 60s. Is the fucking crazy as well. They are, they are, they are more than 100 years. Yeah. And they never have a great handle on the country. No, it never goes well. But they're just like, I don't know, dude. One of them kings fucking, you know, did it like an order of win on election or something anyway. And to show you. And to show you how bad this shit goes for Charles the 10th, he declares victory. I think when his troops take out jeers on like July 5th and on August the 2nd, he abdicates and flees the country ahead of an angry mob. No, not a great time. If you're like watching videos ever of like people rioting in Paris and like beating the shit out of cops and being like, how did France get so good at rioting? Oh, they've been doing it. They have been doing it. They have been doing it. They have kicked a lot of governments out of the country. Travis are thing like they got like just they have years and years of barricade building experience. Sinsuries of institutional knowledge of how to fuck up troops in the city. It rules. Although I think it was Louis Napoleon, the Napoleon III who kind of fucked it up. He does. He does. This is part of the story. Yeah. Yeah. So things being what they were, France gets a new king. This one is a member of the Orleans family. Or Leone. Or Leone, which means they are related to King. Leopold. Leopold the second. And the first book. I have to remember. I was like, Belgium, Belgium. And I was like, Oh, yeah, yeah, African Congo and shit. Yeah. Leopold. I think you were just assuming he was named Louis or. He is. He is King Louis Philippe. The king who takes over France is Louis Philippe. Yeah. Related to King Leopold. The Zeppel. Yeah. So some more original names, people. He does not end the occupation of Algeria. The well-to-do assholes who'd urged the invasion insisted that the only thing France could not do was retreat. Everyone else kind of assumed that eventually shit would get worked out. But a hundred years later, France is still fighting in Algeria. What's, it goes to show you how wise that logic usually is. The occupation would cost hundreds of thousands of people their lives and nearly destroy France as a political entity. They basically have a revolution over this at one point. After Louis Napoleon obviously does not know any of that's going to happen. It's well in the future. And he is focused on Northern Italy. So Northern Italy when Napoleon Bonaparte is running around gets liberated from Austrian domination. But it gets returned to Austrian domination by the allies after Bonaparte loses. And a lot of Italians are not happy with this. There's a dream of making Italy be its own kind of independent political entity, which had not been for quite a long time. So some of these guys form an insurgent army in Northern Italy called the Carbonari. And Louis Napoleon and his older brother, Napoleon Louis, both moved to Rome. I hate the names. I'm sorry. That sucks so much. They probably got confused themselves. Like, which one am I? Am I Tia or Tamara? Louis Napoleon is our guy. His older brother is Napoleon Louis. They both moved to Rome and become active in the Carbonari cause. Their cell gets found out and busted. They're not great at being stealthy, right? They are the airstent Napoleon Bonaparte. It's hard for them to just kind of move around and not attract attention. Again, everyone kind of keeps an eye on what Bonaparte's are doing. Yeah, yeah. You're wearing a full on like an Napoleonic military guard right now. It's like a secret sect. It's like if a Hitler moved into your neighborhood, right? Like, obviously a Hitler today. There's nothing. They're not responsible for anything. But you would keep an eye on that. Yeah, you know who your local Hitler is. Yeah, no, you keep an eye on your local Hitler's. I'm not going to not pay attention to what the Hitler's are doing in my neighborhood. I mean, just a peripheral view. Just look to the side of my eye. Make sure they're not doing anything weird. That's all. Yeah, just keep a goddamn eye on them. So anyway, the cell gets found out, busted in the Napoleon, the brother's Napoleon and their friends were forced out of Italy, barely ahead of the Austrian secret police. Because nobody trusts the Bonaparte's the entirety of his family. Because a lot of his families moved to Italy at this point, including his mother and his uncle Jerome. They left to flee as well because the Napoleon boy skit caught fucking trying to overthrow the Austrian government. I'm the kid. So none of them are thrilled with this because they're all old. They don't want to deal with this shit. They don't want to overthrow the Austrian regime in Italy. Their lives get up ended and Lewis and his brother, Napoleon, Lewis, Louis Napoleon and Napoleon, Louis joined larger groups of carbonary who are like trying to execute a march on Rome, basically when this purge happens, a bunch of them arm up and they try to like do they're kind of before Mussolini trying to do the march on Rome kind of thing. And Lewis Napoleon sends a letter back to his father saying quote, the enthusiasm one finds here is simply grand. The army of this army of patriots is now marching on Rome. Now obviously Lewis Bonaparte does not approve of this. Again, he's like don't fight anything but a defensive war and don't leave your country to fight for somewhere else. That's his opinion. He condemns the measure and he is absolutely right. This is a terrible idea. So the carbonary, it doesn't, things do not go well for them. And after all the fucking shit is done. Lewis Napoleon and his brother Napoleon, Louis wind up in a city called for Lee kind of hiding out there. Well it has a horrific measles epidemic probably brought on in part by all of the people moving around and you know revolutionaries and shit. So his older brother gets sick on March 11th, 1831 and is dead on by March 17th, 1831. He dies of measles after trying to free Italy from mastery and domination. This now makes Louis Napoleon technically the heir to Napoleon Bonaparte emperor. Now this is obviously very sad for the whole Bonaparte family. Louis's first grand attempt at being a hero has gotten his older brother killed but it also leads him to return to French territory for the first time in his adult life because he and his mother have to flee the shit out of Italy. And despite the fact that King Louis Philippe has banned all Bonaparte from France, he allows Louis Napoleon and his mother to stay. Basically just kind of out of sympathy like when your brother's dead like you guys got kicked out of and like Louis Philippe is kind of sympathetic to the Italian national cause as most French people are right as the Austrians are their big enemies. So he's like you guys can crash it. Just keep quiet. Don't tell anybody that you're here and I'm not trying to over throw me or some shit. Just like chill. All right. And briefly Louis Napoleon is like overwhelmed with gratitude for this and so he asks for permission to join the French military and the king is like yeah you can join the French military but we kind of have an issue with Bonaparte being in the French military so you can do it as long as you don't use your real name and he agrees to like make him a count of something under a different name but Louis Napoleon takes this as an insult and he tells the king quote I should prefer to be laid out with my brother in his coffin first and he proceeds to like insult the king enough that he has to flee the country. Such a bitch. Such a little act. He's just like no matter where he goes he's like I will flee. I don't give a fuck. I'll say whatever I need to say. I don't give a shit bro. I don't give a shit. I got so many castles to crash in. So he winds up and fucking London and for the next few years Louis bounces around London and Switzerland he publishes a couple of books one on the use of artillery and another on the history of his father's rule in France and his uncle's rule in Holland or his father's rule in Holland and his uncle's rule in France. He sends his dad Louis Bonaparte copies of this book about like Louis and Napoleon Bonaparte and his dad is furious about this writing quote ought the political policies of the head of your family of a man such as the emperor be superficially judged by a mere young man of 24. Who are you to fucking write about what I did? Fuck you kid. You don't know shit you're too young. Oh yeah I love it. It's basically very funny. It is it's very funny. So Louis is heartbroken but the Swiss army promotes him to captain over his books about artillery so maybe his dad was being a dick here or maybe the Swiss army doesn't know anything about artillery. You know who does know a lot about artillery. Oh is it the um Blake's superior? It's about to. It's fucking about to Matt. Oh yeah let's blow it up. Okay go ahead admit it you have a dark obsession an obsession that you just can't quit. You love true crime and if you're all about unsolved murders and a various deeds and gruesome occurrences I heart true crime plus is the podcast feed for you. I heart podcast has gathered the best of true crime all in one podcast channel. From your favorite shows to new podcasts you've yet to discover I heart true crime plus is packed with murder cases missing persons serial killers conspiracies and everything in between. Always something new and disturbingly good to binge and share. Get the latest episodes and new seasons of your favorite podcasts like the Piketon Massacre Atlanta Monster what happened to Sandy Beale and more. I heart true crime plus subscribers also enjoy an ad-free listening experience early access to select episodes and exclusive never before heard bonus content feed your true crime obsession subscribe to I heart true crime plus today exclusively on Apple podcasts. Here in the last archive I've been trying to figure out what happened to truth. I've been telling stories about how we know what we know and what it sometimes seems lately as if we don't know anything at all. But I am done with the problems of truth. It wants solutions and to do this season of the last archive is all about common knowledge. Stuff you might take for granted but the kind of knowledge that holds people together stuff we share. Is that kind of knowledge still possible? Is it maybe even everywhere? Knowledge that we all agree on? To investigate we'll be trying a few kooky experiments and looking at everything from the frontiers of animal science to the idea of granting rights to nature. The season will even head into the last archive's fiction annex. Coming soon. Listen to the last archive on the I heart radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. It's a nighttime in a city at war but falling bombs aren't the only danger here. A serial killer is stalking London's pitch black streets and striking night after night. In murders so cruel, so depraved that he's dumped the blackout ripper. I'm Hallie Ribbonhold and in the new season of Bad Women I'll take you back to World War Two to unravel the true stories behind the most shocking killings you've probably never heard of and find out why the women victims have been so utterly swept from view. We've gone back through the original police files hunted for new evidence and even spoken to women alive at the time. There was a man there, there's a polling creature who reached out as I came in, luckily nobody killed me. Might have done if I'd gone down those steps. Step into the dark with me for Bad Women, the blackout ripper. Listen on the I heart radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. We're back and we're talking about the Davey Crockett which was a handheld nuclear rocket that a guy could just shoot at a thing and it'll kill you, right? You shoot a David Crockett, you're probably not making it. I think the plan was to rear up in a motorcycle, fire it and then fucking book it back as fast as possible. It had to be a really fast motorcycle. What a funny thing. Like people are just like, they're just spitballing how nuclear war is going to work. What do we do that guys and motorcycles and newton folks? Like let's give it a shot. But a little bit of one's we'll put a little cocoon hat on top of it. It is. It is so goddamn funny. Anyway, we should do that to, I don't know, what's the smallest of the great lakes, Sophie? You're the expert. Erie. That's my guy. Erie, Erie. Yeah, well, that's how well, that's how we'll drop Lake Erie. Why am I the expert on the great lakes? Because you're near, you've lived in Michigan. I've never lived in Michigan. Yeah, you've spent, I have family time around there. Family from Michigan. Because I have family from Michigan. Okay, that's the same. Yeah, exactly. And it's not Lake Erie. It's Lake Ontario. Which one? It's Lake Ontario. There's an Ontario lake. Lake Ontario is the smallest. There's too many of them. 7,340 square miles. Do you know that off the top of your head or did you just do a quick, You'll never fucking know, Matt. Because that was incredible. Wow. I'm gonna assume you knew it off the top of your head. Yeah, I'm that good. I'm that good. Isn't that right, Snoop from the wire? Yeah. There we go. She says, yeah. She might have said Europe. Anyways, back to the war in Europe. Yeah, anyway. Yeah, back to the war in Europe. So things are, you know, rough for Lewis Napoleon. His dad has just rejected him. You know, and in fact, when his dad writes back that he doesn't like his kid's book, Lewis Napoleon stops responding to his father's letters for six months. He finally does reply to one in 1835 that says, I receive your harsh words so very often that I should be quite used to them by now. Regardless, every new reproach by you does indeed wound me and as painfully as on the very first occasion. And again, maybe his dad's a dick for not praising the book or whatever. He probably should have encouraged that. But most of what his dad's saying is like, don't just join the army to go fucking fight in a war. It's bad. Like that's really don't do just do don't just like fuck around with other people's lives and guns because it looks cool. It's like fucked up. Yeah, I think his dad like could tell that his son was like the biggest poser. Yeah. I have a problem with this kid. Yeah, this kid is a fucking poser, but like just all of our worst instincts he thinks are cool. And we've got he's got the bone apart blood and boy, we can be problems. I know it. I can admit that now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have some issues and we really don't want this guy being encouraged. Yeah, let's just say that much. So in the summer of that year, Louis Napoleon meets a man who would set his life on a purposeful track. And this guy's name is Jean Gilberre Victor Fialin. Better known as Gilberre Persegni. Can I just say a brave new name? I know. I know. Gilberre Persegni. Anyway, he's the son of a tax collector and a former in CEO in the French army who had been forced out of the army because he was a Republican, right? He'd taken to work as a journalist where he had become kind of a propaganda for the bonapartist cause. He befriends Louis, largely because he's really good at kissing Louis's ass and shutting up when his social better start talking. He basically only speaks up to tell Louis how cool the bonaparts are and how they definitely should become the Emperor's France again. Oh, I love it. He's like the turtle from entourage of like the bonapartist. And he, but he also, he kind of convinces Louis Napoleon that like the king of France is misrooling the country and the French people are hungry for a bonapart to take power again. And he's not wrong. And he is not going to be wrong. So we will be talking about everything that happens after that in part do. That's the French, right? That's how the French for two assholes. What a bunch of assholes. Meanwhile, the word two means you. It's like, come on, guys. Yeah, it's nonsense. Nonsense language. It just makes no sense. Isn't that right, bunk? Yeah, but dovadovadovadovadov. That's bunk. That's what French sounds like. Oh, boy. You love to see somebody fucked up when they gave you that power, Matt. They did. And they fucked up our core. No, that's actually what Kanye was talking about when he said no one man should have all that power. They asked you were talking about two people. Yeah, shit. He went full anti-Semite and I'm like, oh, boy. I got to have him on the soundboard. It's like time it's been for Kanye for Elon. Oh, I know. For Donald Trump quite a month or two. Yeah, it's been an interesting time for NeoFascists all around. Yeah. It's going to be interesting to see where this all goes. Yeah. Speaking of where this all goes, you should go watch the wire. And then you should go watch the wire and then check it out. Yeah. Listen to my podcast. Pod yourself the wire. The greatest, the wire pot, the only the wire podcast ever. And I just had a baby and all I want is for you to give us five stars in a review and listen to it. Listen, if you thought Prince Charles in the latest season of the crown was too hot. Yes. Watch the wire and give him at five stars. That's right. He's even more hot in the wire and he plays a Baltimore Irishman with a weird accent. Very weird accent. Yeah. He should have just gone with, oh, it's me, McNulty. I did. I did. I did tie it to him. Isn't he, he's, he's mother fucking playing Prince Charles in some show? Yes. Thank you for joining the chat. We had this conversation twice on this episode. We've also had this chat in the, in the closed-owned media group text when I said multiple articles being like, this is not right. He looks, McNulty. Yes. McNulty. You know, Prince McNulty, I'm for it. I'm for it. At first I was against it because it's too hot and then I watched and I was like, yeah, I like it. I can, I can handle it. I can hang. I do, I do like that they, they make sure to let you know that Prince Charles is much shorter than Diana. There's like, yeah, right. They were like, no, no, no, we're not Hollywoodizing this, this height change. Yes, we got to make him a little last man. Yeah. That's what he is. Yeah, Robert, anything you want to do? Robert, sorry. Anything you want to plug in the head here. All right, everybody. We are doing, behind the bastard's live stream, virtual event with Robert, myself and so one in only one brick kill joy. This will be happening December 8th. You can get your tickets at slash BTB and we will link and all the appropriate places. It'll be a hoot. We're going to do an episode. We're going to do a Q and A. Anything you look to add, Robert. Never. No. Also, buy my book after the revolution, wherever the fuck you find books are on the AK press website. You know, it's on everything. It's on all the book buying sites. Great. We'll be back. We sure will, so, Pistopheles. You have a dark obsession. You love true crime. An I Heart podcast has gathered the best true crime all in one channel. I Heart True Crime Plus. It's packed with podcasts about murder cases, missing persons, serial killers and more. So there's always something disturbingly good to binge and share. I Heart True Crime Plus subscribers also enjoy ad-free listening, early access to select episodes and exclusive bonus content. Subscribe to I Heart True Crime Plus today, exclusively on Apple podcasts. If you could completely remove one phrase from your vocabulary, which phrase would you choose? Um, I don't know. Correct answer! No, I mean, I don't know which phrase. And the best way to banish I don't know from your life is by cramming your brain full of stuff you should know. In your host, Josh and Chuck on the Super Popular Podcast packed with fascinating discussions on science, history, pop culture and more. Episodes that ask, was the lost city of Atlantis real? I don't know. Is birth order important? I don't know. How does pizza work? Well, I do know a bit about that, see. You can know even more because stuff you should know has over 1,500 immensely interesting episodes for your brain to feast on. So what do you say? I don't want to miss the stuff you should know podcast. You're learning already. Listen to stuff you should know on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. It's night time in a city at war, and a serial killer is stalking London's dive bars and pitch black streets, hunting for women and committing murders so cruel that he's dumped the blackout repur. I'm historian Halle Rubenhold, and in the new season of Bad Women, I'll take you back to World War II to explore the most shocking killings you've probably never heard of. Step into the dark with me for Bad Women, The Blackout Ripper. Listen to the I Heart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts.