Anything Goes with Emma Chamberlain

Emma prefers to share her thoughts with a microphone rather than a physical human being, so thank god she has a podcast. Recorded from the comfort of her bed, Emma talks at length about whatever is on her mind every week. Anything really does go on this podcast. Sometimes philosophy, sometimes a random story from 10 years ago, sometimes advice, and sometimes nothing at all. You never know what you are going to get, but that’s what keeps it interesting. New episodes every Thursday.

we need to read books

we need to read books

Thu, 15 Apr 2021 10:00

Emma had a few life realizations this week that can hopefully help everyone else out. Why reading is really good for you, learning to find the positives where you live, and when is gossiping OK? Plus, questions on staying focused, how to feel independent, and what we should look for in a life partner. And the new SZA and Doja Cat is crazy fun. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: Learn more about your ad choices. Visit

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I just woke up. So if you're wondering why I have this extremely hot, sexy, dreamy morning voice, that's why. I know it's hard to stay focused right now, but just stay focused. Thank you. Umm. I feel like I had a week of realizations this week. And I just must share. I kind of broke my routine this week and I did a lot of things that I don't normally do and I feel like. It was a really good thing for me and. I just had a lot of realizations this week. So that's what today's episode is going to be about, just sharing the recent realizations I've had over the past week. They're very random, but I'm excited to share because. I don't know. I want to talk about these things to somebody. The first thing I realized is the power of reading books. OK now. I have never been somebody who consistently read for pleasure. I would read books at school if I had the time. Like if I would get assigned a reading assignment at school, I would read the book cover to cover. If I had the time, but if I had too much homework and other classes, I'd have to read SparkNotes in order to get it done and get a decent night of sleep like. Sometimes it wasn't possible to read the full book, but I would try because. It would make the homework easier, it would make writing an essay about it easier. So I'd try my best to read the book and and sometimes I would enjoy it too so. I would read here and there. Actually, when I was in middle school I found this series of books that I became obsessed with and I literally can't even remember what they were called, but. It doesn't really matter. I read a little bit back then too, so I've dabbled in reading throughout my life. But I've never been a consistent reader. And I think the reason why I always avoid reading books, or even watching movies for that matter, because I'm not a huge movie person, is because I'm afraid of the commitment of a book I'm afraid of the commitment of a movie I'm afraid of. Getting started with one of those things because I feel like I'm gonna be disappointed. It's a very weird. Way to look at it. But for some reason that's the way my brain looks at books or movies. Specifically books though, because books are a big commitment. You know you have to buy the book unless you go to the library, but. Lord knows I'm not going to the library. I just don't even know if there is one in LA. Like I couldn't tell you if there's a ******* library in LA, whatever, but. You know, you buy the book and there's a 5050 chance that you're gonna open it and start reading it, and it's not gonna capture you, you know? And in that case, it's really disappointing and discouraging. And. It's just not a great feeling, so. I've pretty much avoided reading altogether for the past four years. I have not read one book. Not one book. Out of fear that I would start reading a book and then I'd hate it. Or. I'd be bored. Or it would just be a waste of money? I just didn't see a reason to pick up a book. Truly. But I've been talking to my dad about it a lot recently. And just about like. How good reading is for your mental health. And he really sold me. He was like, Emma, you need to start reading like. It's really great. And so he gave me some classic book recommendations, and I read some descriptions of a few, and I ended up picking one out. And the book I picked out was east of Eden by what is it John Steinbeck? God, that's like said, he's an iconic author. Like literally one of the. Biggest authors and I can't remember his first name. I know his last name is Steinbeck, but is his first name John? Yeah. Oh my God, that's so embarrassing. Literally so embarrassing. So the first book I picked out was east of Eden. It's a classic book. And. I remember the first day I got it. I put my phone down. I turned all my music off. And I laid in bed and I started reading. And I read the whole first page. And then flip to the second page. And as I was flipping to the second page, I realized that I had. Absorbed no information from the first page, so I turned back to the first page and read the first page again. Then I went to go to flip the second page. Realized once again I had only maybe absorbed 1/4 of what was on the first page. Soon I realized that I forgot how to read. I cannot make this up. I literally forgot how to read. I don't think it. Was helpful that the book is maybe written in a way that's a little bit more. Poetic and complicated to read, which is something I've not read at all. In years. I haven't read anything. Hard to read. In four years plus. And this was this is not like an easy read, necessarily. It's not hard, but you have to pay attention because, you know, there's little. Metaphors here and there and there's like. Fancy words here and there that you might need to look up in order to understand what that sentence or paragraph meant. Like there's you have to pay attention. Like it's not an easy read. It's not like reading a drama article on TMZ, like that's easy to read because it's like. Straight to the point. And written in a way that's modern. You know what I'm saying? And so it's just easy. But reading this book is not easy, and so I. Tried to get through the 1st 5 pages and I couldn't do it. I couldn't focus. And I felt terrible about myself. OK, terrible. I was like Emma, you're a smart person. You used to be able to read books pretty easily. Like what the **** happened? You've gotten Dumber. You're dumb, you're stupid. You're literally an idiot. Like, that's all my brain could tell me and I was super discouraged, and so I put down the book for about a week and I was like, I'm just not going to read it. Like, **** it, I'll just give it to a friend or something. I'm. Not going to read it. Well, yesterday was Sunday and I spent the whole day by myself. I went on a walk, I went to the grocery store, I listened to music, I had a really great day and the weather was really warm out and so I decided that. For sunset, I was going to take myself on a date to the beach because. I'm trying to be a little bit more adventurous in Los Angeles and in general, and I'll get into that later, but. I'm trying to be more adventurous, not only in general, but mainly by myself. I'm trying to do more adventurous stuff by myself and have fun doing things by myself because. While I was on a trip in New York recently, I did a lot of that, and so I'm trying to incorporate that into my day-to-day life while in LA as well. So I decided I would go to the beach for sunset. Whatever. And while I was packing for the beach, I put my, you know, towel in my bag and I put my air pods in my bag. And I put my sunglasses in my bag. And I put my reading glasses in my bag just in case I wanted to go on my phone. Because I can't go on my phone without my reading glasses. And then I looked over at my. Night stand and I saw my book. And I was like. I'm not going to bring my stupid book. I'm not gonna bring my stupid book. I'm not gonna read it. It's just gonna. Get sand all in the pages in my bag. It's not gonna like, you know what I'm saying? Like it's just gonna collect dust in my bag if I bring it to the beach. I'm not even gonna ******* take it out, and I know that. And I. Was like Emma? What kind of *******. Fake. Thoughtful. ***** are you to bring this book to the beach, right? I was almost like. Emma, it's embarrassing that you even thought. That you are the type of person that would bring a book to the beach and read it like it's almost sad, like you're a phony. For even thinking that you should bring your book to the beach and you're even phony. For thinking that you would even open that ****. You're not gonna open that ****. But I was like, you know what? Maybe something will come over me and I will read it while I'm at the beach. So I throw it in my bag, knowing deep down that I'm not going to read it like I I knew as I was putting in my bag. Emma, you're not going to read the book. You're not going to ******* open the stupid book, OK? Well, I drive to the beach. Fun fact, on the way to the beach I was listening to music and I started crying. Umm. And I haven't cried in about a month. So that was interesting. I think the reason why I started crying was because I realized I've been in autopilot for like a month, very numb to all feelings and emotions, very numb to. The things going on in my life. Just on autopilot and I think when I was driving to the beach by myself and listening to music that I really love. I was like Oh, **** I started to like. My feet started to go back onto the ground in a sense, like I started to ground myself in like process. What was going on? What is going on in my life currently? And I just started crying. UM, not even in a negative way, just in general. So that was good moment, OK. Well, whatever. So I got to the beach and I lay out my towel and. I sit there for a second and I look around and I was like. OK, what am I supposed to do for the next hour until sunset? Because I'm not going to go on my phone. Like I know better. That's just ******* sad. I'm at the beach. It's gorgeous out, like. I can't go on my phone. So then I thought about it. I was like, maybe I'll put in my air pods and I'll start listening to music. But then I was like, eh? Then I'll end up going on my phone because I always do. So I was like, you know what? What if I just pulled out this book right now? Like, what if? Like, what if I just gave it a try? So I pull out the book and I. Start reading the first page and immediately. For some reason. It was just flowing in my brain. And I was just reading it. Smoothly. And I was focused and. There was a breeze brush styling through my hair and I just felt so good and I was like, OK, I love this. I don't know why I love this. I didn't expect to love this. I don't know what's going on. I don't know who I am. I don't know who I'm becoming. This is so out of character, me reading a ******* book on the beach. ***** this has never ******* happened. I've always looked at people that did **** like this and been like, oh, shut up. Reading a book on the beach? Grow up. Shut the **** **. Like, what are you trying to prove here? What you're trying to prove to everybody that you have such a relaxed and? You know, beautiful life reading your stupid book on the beach. I've always been almost hateful of people that were that did exactly what I was doing in that moment. But then I realized, oh wait, this is actually fire. This is actually fire. Wait, this is actually super fire. I read about 30 pages. Of this book. I got fully sucked in. And. Immediately I was like, this moment just changed my life and I know that that's stupid, but it isn't though, because. I've realized something crazy. And it's that. And and to some of you, OK, this might be like so beyond obvious, but for somebody who has not read a book in four years, this was a huge life changing realization for me. I realized in this moment that. Reading may be the only form of entertainment that we have left that comes with no negative repercussions. OK? Reading can be very entertaining now. It's not. Easy. You have to get yourself into it, but eat it. Eating, reading. Can be very entertaining. The problem is. In order to start reading, you have to turn off your phone, you have to turn off your music and you have to focus. Whereas watching YouTube, scrolling through Instagram, watching a movie, you don't really have to be focused. You can kind of go on autopilot with all of that. You can't go on autopilot with a book, and that's why. It's not everybody's first choice of entertainment, but let me tell you. I was entertained for an hour on the beach. Reading this book. And afterwards I felt calmer. Than I did going into it. And that was literally when I realized that reading is the only form of positive entertainment that we have probably in the world besides things like exercise or. I don't know. I mean, there's definitely other positive forms of entertainment that. Cooking actually is another great one. But reading is a full different world because. It transports you into a different time, into a different world, whatever. But. In a way, that's also kind of working out your brain, you know? Whereas watching a movie it does transport you to a different place, it does do that whole thing. Even scrolling through your Instagram feed does the same thing, but it doesn't challenge your brain at all. Sometimes a movie can challenge your brain, for sure, but not always. Reading really? Does it all and I. Decided in that moment that like reading was going to become a part of my daily life moving forward because. Reading for somebody who has anxiety like me. Can be kind of hit or miss because I had a few moments while I was reading where like a random anxious thought would just come into my head, for example. What if your cats died? Right now? Both of them just drop dead? How do you feel like? That's how my anxiety works. It's just thoughts like that coming into my brain all day long, OK? How would you feel if somebody you love and care about deeply just got into a car accident right now? Like, that's what my anxiety does. It's just those thoughts coming into my head constantly and when you do something like reading. Those thoughts can start shooting in easily, right? But. As I was reading, I was pushing through those thoughts and by the end of the 30 pages that I had read, I was not anxious anymore. I literally felt no anxiety. I felt so calm. I felt so grounded to Earth and so conscious of, like, everything that was going on around me, I didn't feel like I was. In autopilot anymore, like I felt really grounded by it and. I realized how truly powerful reading is, and it's such a powerful tool. And. That moment, that that little beach trip by myself completely changed my life because I decided I'm going to start reading I. I have some friends and family members who wear contacts, and honestly, I can't imagine how much of a pain it must be to always have to go to the eye doctor, go in for unnecessary tests. When you know that your prescription hasn't changed. It's so time-consuming and so stressful. I truly can't imagine one 800 contacts has been making people's lives so much easier and delivering contact lenses for 27 years. They make getting contacts super fast and easy. Even if you have a really strong prescription, all you have to do is order the same contacts you would get from your doctor. Just look on the side of your contacts box for that info. You can order online, over the phone, or with their app, and they ship them fast and free to your home. You can even renew your prescription. Online using their express exam and there are so many benefits to going through. One 800 contacts. They guarantee if you find your contacts at a lower price elsewhere, they'll beat it. And I mean, who doesn't like to save a little money? Speaking of which, new customers can get extra discounts when you check out their site, and their 24/7 customer support is so helpful that it's award-winning. So let one 800 contacts get you the contact lenses you need. Order online at one 800 contacts. Dot com the thing I love about reading too is that once you finish reading right? Like once you read. A few chapters of a book and you're done. The last thing you want to do is go on your phone because this level of chill and Zen that you get from reading. Could so easily be disrupted by going on your phone and. That's clear. You know what I'm saying. So the last thing you want to do after you finish reading a few chapters of a book is go on your phone. And just start scrolling on Instagram. I'm sorry, that's the last thing you're going to want to do. And because of that, it like keeps you off your phone. Even after you're done reading, I really think that reading is gonna change my life and I know my dad. Has been telling me for years that reading changed his. And as somebody who didn't go to college. I feel like it's my duty to myself, not to anybody else, but to myself. To. Continue learning. As an adult, whether I need to or not, right? Because I didn't go to college. That was my path, that was my journey, and at that point I stopped. Learning in a sense. Only in in. In some ways, though, like, I didn't stop learning completely. I've learned a lot about life since I since I, you know, stopped going to school. I've learned. Tresillian is of things, right? But. There's more I could learn. You know what I'm saying? I stopped learning in the sense of I didn't have assignments. To complete. I didn't have books assigned to me to read. I didn't have. Textbooks assigned for me to. Look at you know what I'm saying? I started learning stuff about the real world. ******* taxes. How to be a good friend. What a healthy relationship is. Why humans do certain things that they do, like I started learning stuff like that, but I stopped learning. Things about history, things about science? Maybe. Actually, no. You know what? I listen to a lot of science podcasts, so I still learn about science a little bit here and there, but like. There's so much room for me to continue learning about other things that are. Maybe less necessary to know. But still very valuable, right? So. To kind of clarify everything I just said, the last few years since I left school, I've been learning about. Almost strictly real life stuff. Social stuff. Psychology, things like just because based on people that I've met and stuff like that. And then doing research, like about things like that, cause that fascinates me. Like, wait, why does this person behave like this? You know, like I'll do research like if somebody acts weird around me, like I like to look into the psychology of why people do certain things. So, like, I've definitely learned about that. And. I've learned about like, you know, things about finances that I would have never learned otherwise. Like I've been learning, yes, but like. Reading a book. Even a fictional book about, like, the 1800s is gonna teach me something about history that I just wouldn't have learned about otherwise. And so. I want to continue my learning in that way and it is my duty to myself. To do that. And to broaden my knowledge on just ******* everything. Why not, you know? But it's also such a great privilege to be out of school because I can now choose what I want to learn about. I don't have. Certain assignments from a teacher I can pick up a book about. Physics. If I want, I can go pick up a book about psychology. If I want, I could go pick up a book. About. History. If I wanted, I could go pick up a book just about. Somebody's life. And in all of those things, I'll probably learn something. You know what I'm saying? But that's all up to me. It's all in my hands. And that's actually so exciting. And that's when learning about things actually becomes fun, is when it's in your hands and you can choose what you want to learn about. Or what you wanna. Escape into if you're reading a book. So. Reading. This is. This is the new thing for me. And for people who've been reading for years, you guys are probably like Emma. You are late, *****. I may be late, but better late than never. And for anybody who's listening to this, who? Feels like picking up a book is the last thing that they're ever gonna do. I really, really, really urge you to just do it. And I know that there's. In ego and all of us that says. You know, you haven't read a book in five years. What the **** makes you think that you're gonna be able to read a book now, you stupid idiot? That's what my brain was telling me. Ignore that. Humans now more than ever need books, and I never thought that I would say that. Because books have been around for bazillions of years, but no humans need books now more than ever, in my opinion. Because we're so connected to the Internet and to the matrix of social media that we need books now. This is what we need a tangible ******* paper book to read more than ever because. We need to be grounded by books. Like, books are like the only form of entertainment that will actually ground you and make you feel connected to the present moment. That, and we need that. And if you would have said that to me a year ago, I would be like, shut the **** **. Like books are dated. You know, it's all about documentaries now. And like, listening to, like, educational podcasts, like, that's where it's at now. No, I would have been wrong back then. Books are timeless and they're. An extremely useful tool for. People that struggle like me with things like depression and anxiety. I think that reading. Is extremely beneficial for people who struggle with things like this, at least in my experience and me because it made me. See the world in a different perspective. You know what I'm saying? It it brought me back down to Earth. It disconnected me from the Internet for a period of time so that I was able to cleanse my mind and like. Reengage in the real world. I don't know why it has that power and maybe it doesn't have that power for everybody, but it definitely did for me. It's just a very powerful tool and so I recommend all of you pick up a ******* book this week. I don't care what it is. You can read East of Eden. I heard it got banned in some countries or some states or something. Because I think it's slightly controversial, but it is a classic book and you know. I'm enjoying it. So far it's been very interesting. And. Let me know if you guys have any book recommendations for me. I want to read the classic books first. So if you have any like classic books that like really speak to you, let me know. Send them my way. The twitters at AG podcast you can DM them, you can tweet them at me. Please send me books. OK, so. Now let's talk about realization #2 of this week. So. If you guys know me or if you guys have listened to this podcast for a while, or if you guys watch my YouTube videos, whatever it may be, if you know me in some way, you know that I don't like Los Angeles. And funny enough, I live in Los Angeles and I kind of talk about this a lot. So I know, you know, I sound like a broken record. So I'll try to keep it relatively short, but. Recently I went on a trip to New York that was also very eye opening because I really had a moment to reflect on my life in Los Angeles. And. I decided that there were a few things that I needed to start doing more in LA to make LA more enjoyable. And. One of them was to take walks. I never took walks in LA, OK, ever. Because LA is simply not a walking city. It's a driving city. And taking walks is just, not. A part of, like, the culture here, you know what I'm saying? Like, people just don't take a lot of walks. I mean, yeah, it happens. But it's not like New York, where New York is a walking city. Everybody walks everywhere. It's very, like, common. It's not as common here, but walking is so great for clearing your mind. So this week, I've been taking a lot of walks. For example, I'll walk to get coffee in the morning. I'll walk to the store to grab something. Instead of, you know, taking my car there, I will just go on a walk and listen to a podcast. And have no destination, just like walk whatever. And I've been. Trying to do this every day, and not only has this made me appreciate LA a lot more, but it's also just been. A good thing for my mind so. That was interesting. I was like, OK, getting out of the house and actually. Being on the sidewalk of LA actually makes me appreciate it more, so that's a beautiful thing. Love that. Umm. But also. I realized that if I'm going to live in LA for the next God knows how many years, I'm going to need to figure out a way to like it, you know? And it's what you make of it. So I decided that I needed to start enjoying nature more and. LA has. Some nature. There's some great hiking trails. The beach is pretty close by. I need to start enjoying those things about it because that's what makes LA so special. The fact that you can be in a city one minute and then go and be at the beach in 30 minutes, that's a beautiful thing. You can't really do that in New York. You can't do that, you know. In many other places it's actually very special and so I've been trying to go to the beach more. Even if it's just by myself, just going to the beach, even if I don't get in the ocean, just going and sitting there and enjoying what LA has to offer. I started to realize that the reason why I hated LA was not actually LA's fault. It was my fault. And it was my fault because I was not. Utilizing the great things about LA, I was not exploring those things. I was looking at La at face value. There's ****** ****** people here. There's. You know. All this garbage all over the street and you know there's. Not a lot of fun places to walk to like, whatever it may be like. I was just. Looking at La through a negative lens and I was stubborn and I wasn't trying to see. The greatness that it has and the potential that it has, I wasn't trying to even see that. I had decided that I hated it, and I. Didn't even want to try to change my perspective, but I realized that it's in my best interest to learn to love it and so. I'm figuring out ways to do that and I think that like. Exploring it a lot more. And. Really, getting my hands dirty and like, going out and, like exploring **** that's the key for me to enjoying LA for what it really is. And like, the weather here is so amazing, you know? So even just sitting in my backyard more often, it's small things like that. That are helping me like LA a little bit more. But also it's interesting because my friend was visiting LA from New York. This past week and I was talking to him. And he was like, LA is just so pretty. Like, there's so many pretty things in LA and I was like, are you ******* kidding me? I was like, you live in New York. He lives in New York. And I was like, you live in New York and you're trying to tell me that you think LA is pretty when you live in New York, which in my opinion, is a very gorgeous place. You know what I'm saying? He was like, I am blind to the beauty of New York at this point. Like, I just am numb to it in a sense, you know? Like, I just don't see it the way that maybe you see it because you're coming from LA, so you see it in a full different light. Like, I just don't see it like that anymore. Like I'm so used to it. And then I realized, wow, I feel the same way about LA and that made me truly realize, like, wow, the grass is always greener because my dream for the past few years has been like, God, I wish I could move to New York. It's kind of like my fantasy, but I can't really do it just because everybody that I know lives here. And I love everybody who lives here. Like my friend. Not everybody ****. Definitely not everybody. But I love. The people that I've met in LA. And I don't want to leave them, you know, that's the biggest thing for me. But then also, you know, my whole team is here and I like love my team so much. And so, like, I just don't want to leave. Like, I can't leave. It's just not. It would make my life really difficult. But my fantasy has been to move to New York for years. And so. Talking to my friend who lives in New York about how he's become blind to it really made me realize how the grass is just always greener and maybe having New York as this escape. Is like the perfect. Recipe because. When I get sick of LA and I start to hate it, I can go to New York and it'll always be so magical to me. Whereas if I move there, it won't really be magical to me anymore. And to be honest, if I moved to New York, I'd probably come to LA and think it was magical. So moral of this story is I'm trying to find the magic in LA and I'm trying to appreciate it, but. I just need to break out of my normal routine and explore new areas in order to truly appreciate it, you know? So that's that's where I'm at with that. OK, so if I were to host a live radio show and I could play any music I wanted. I would honestly probably have the time of my Life OK, but I'll admit I would probably end up playing. Just sad music. I don't know what it is about me, but I love sad music, OK? And so I'd probably end up playing. A lot of sad music. Specifically for the people who are listening in the car by themselves. That want to shed a tear in a good way? Well now there is a place that I or you or anyone can host a live show. Amp is the platform that allows people to come together and create live, unfiltered radio shows with whatever music or content that they love. And this is like a real show where you can have people listening live and you can pick exactly which songs to play, and you can even have fans calling in to chat while you're on air. If I had a live show, I would definitely. Have people call in and ask me for dating advice honestly, so I think I'd have to do dating advice. You know what this actually sounds like the perfect radio show. Sad music combined with dating advice, because all of the shows on AMP are run by real people. You can tell that the playlists are authentic. A playlist generated automatically just sounds different than one that an individual is controlling based on their passions and tastes. And with 10s of millions of licensed songs to choose from, everyone will find the music that appeals to them. But it's not just music. You can have a talk show, or react to news, or riff on pop culture, and that's one of the best parts about being a podcast host. You can just riff. On whatever. Excites your mind on any given day. So download AMP today in the App Store that's a amp, or ask Alexa to play amp. OK. The last realization that I had this week was? Very interesting. Very interesting. OK. The last realization I had this week was that gossiping. Fuels my anxiety more than anything else on this planet. Now I'll explain. I've always been somebody that was not opposed to gossip. I feel like there's a few different kinds of gossip. There's caddy harmful gossip. And then there's gossip in a sense of talking about somebody else, but more with the goal of like analyzing why they behave the way that they do. And I feel like I've always leaned towards the latter. And been somebody that just is fascinated by what other people do and fascinated by why they do the things that they do. Like I've always been interested in that. I've always been somebody who like. Is very curious about other people's relationships, romantic relationships, even friendships, stuff like that. Just because I like analyzing it. Not because I even necessarily want to say anything mean or even criticize them behind their back, but more because I find it's interesting so I may call my mom and be like. God, my friend, you know it just started dating the most interesting guy. Like, I I don't understand how they have chemistry. They do not seem like they would have chemistry, but they totally do. It's like, that's what gossiping is to me. You know, and I tend to gossip most to my mom and dad randomly and sometimes, like maybe my best friend and you know, maybe. Whoever else I'm very, very, very close to in my life, but I don't gossip in general. Although I actually used to, I used to gossip a lot more. And it was not because I was trying to be catty or ****** or weird. It was just that I didn't know any better and I didn't realize that. Like, that doesn't end well. And so I used to gossip to just about anybody and talk about other people and analyze other people with anybody. But I realized. Probably a year or two years ago that that just is not a good idea. I'd even ******* gossip about my about myself. I would. Talk about my life to just about anybody. I would go into it with just about anybody I'd meet. I had no reservations, but. Within the past year or two, I've realized OK #1 gossiping about myself and others to people that I barely know is not good. And even if it's not necessarily harmful. To myself or to others, it's just not necessary. And I definitely had that realization over the past few years, but. I don't know if with my older age I'm ******* 19, but I don't know if as I'm getting older I'm becoming more sensitive or if this is something that I just now realized. But. The other day I was talking to somebody I was very, very close to. About somebody else's. Life. And it wasn't really, it wasn't negative at all, but it was more just like analyzing their. Life in a sense. And we were just kind of analyzing like. You know, maybe even decisions that they've made or people that they choose to surround themselves with stuff like that. And me and this person were were talking about it, OK? And. Then we started talking about, you know, other people and other decisions that those people have made. And listen, this person is somebody who's very close to me, like, I know that this information would never. Get back to the people I was talking about or they would never know that I was talking about them and I wasn't even actually saying really anything negative. Or anything strikingly negative, right? But it didn't matter because. After that conversation, I was anxious for probably 24 hours. Like bad, like very anxious. And I realized that, that conversation. Sent me down an anxiety spiral. For whatever reason, just for whatever reason, talking about other people behind their back, positive or negative. Sent me down an anxiety spiral and I think the real reason why I noticed this. Whereas in the past I didn't. Is because. I have been spending so much time alone that I haven't really had time to have any kind of conversation that resembled gossip because I've just been by myself so much and so. All of a sudden. For the first time in a little while, I have a conversation that resembled gossip in a sense, and I realized, oh **** this makes me feel bad. And I was the pioneer of this conversation. I was the one that brought up this said gossip right to this person that was very close to me and. I was the one that. Was pioneering this conversation. It was my conversation. I started it OK, but yet it caused me all of the anxiety and. I'm I don't wanna do that anymore. Like. I realize I just need to mind my own business and I've been really good about it. I've been really good about minding my own business for the past probably six months, like I don't care what other people are doing. If people make dumb decisions around me, I don't care if people **** ** and make mistakes, if people even treat me like. Badly. Like I'm I I feel like I've just been minding my own business, like I just don't care and it's a great feeling, but I kind of. Backpedaled a little bit. Having this gossipy kind of conversation and it made me realize how oh **** no, I need to go back to minding my own business. Because. Gossiping makes me feel ******* awful. And. I understand that gossiping is kind of necessary. To a certain extent, I think gossiping is actually totally fine. As long as you're talking to somebody that you are very close with. And that. Is kind of slightly removed from the situation, right? Like, I think in that case, gossiping isn't really that bad, and I think it's necessary because I think that as humans we need to vent and we need to share our thoughts and feelings and opinions on things. But I think there needs to be a balance and you know. Pointless. Just gossipy gossip is just unnecessary. So I'm done with it. And I'm going back to how I was before I had that conversation, to just minding my own business, not caring about what everybody else is doing, not caring about what other people think of me, and just enjoying. The serenity that comes with that. But I never knew that gossip was such a root of anxiety for me, and so that was really interesting, and I bet a lot of you can relate. If you really think about it to what I'm saying here. Anyway, those are my realizations for this week. Umm, I hope you enjoyed them. Maybe you gained something from them. Who knows? Hopefully you did. If not, I hope you just enjoyed hanging out, but before I end this episode, I'm going to do some questions and answers. I asked you guys on the Twitter at AG podcast to just ask questions about whatever, because this episode literally doesn't have a theme, so there's no reason to ask for themed questions. And you guys sent some amazing questions. That are kind of random, but that's what I asked for, so let's get into it. Somebody said how to focus better when you're studying or doing anything. I don't know. Swag. Swag, OK, yeah, for sure. So. Let's actually take this back to. My experience with reading this week so. As I talked about earlier, the first day that I tried to read I could not focus and I could not read. And in retrospect, I think the reason why I could not focus was because I had just spent three hours on Tik T.O.K and so my brain was completely. Shattered and all over the place and my. You know, thoughts were like going 1,000,000 miles an hour, so settling down and reading something and focusing was just not going to happen and. When I read on the beach and actually had success and could focus. The only thing I had done for the past. Hour before I started reading. Was listening to music and driving, which is a lot more relaxing, so I think if you're struggling with focusing. Do something. That will settle your brain down, whether that's going on a walk and listening to music, or that's cooking something, or that's writing in a journal, or that's. Maybe going on a drive like, whatever it may be, do something relaxing, get yourself off of your phone and disconnect for. Maybe 1/2 an hour and that will totally change your focus. Maybe even in an hour. But you have to kind of calm your brain down before you can focus or else you just won't be able to and that's my experience so like I'm never going to pick up a book directly after I was just on tik T.O.K for 2 hours. I'm going to have to do something in between in order to break that up, you know what I mean because you have to kind of. Bring yourself down a peg. You know what I'm saying? Because being on social media makes your brain fire off. Thoughts and feelings and opinions and emotions very quickly, and then trying to focus on anything after that is like impossible. Somebody said what's a fictional character that you feel like best reflects your personality? Coraline. And that's also one of my favorite movies. So anyway, if you guys haven't watched Coraline, please go watch it. And if you guys. Have never or if you guys have watched it, go watch it again. I'm I need to watch it again soon. What does it really take to make it in New York City when you're young? The come up is a new freeform docu reality series on Hulu. It follows 6 ambitious creative 20 somethings in NYC as they break the status quo and take up all the space. It's a real look into how this next generation of icons are breathing life back into the downtown scene, all while pursuing their dreams, which is a long way of saying they're killing it. The show follows Sophia, a breakthrough photographer who shot her first spread for nylon at just 13 and has been shooting major campaigns ever since. Fernando Modeling's next international star, Tawfiq, the youngest fashion designer to show at New York Fashion Week, Claude, a New York native and aspiring actress. Ben arising, entertainer from Texas and a newbie to New York City, and Ebon, a trans rights activist and fixture of New York underground nightlife. This is now or never. With big goals and even bigger ceilings to break through, they'll need to bust their ***** to chase their dreams. It's time to hustle freeforms the come up new episodes Wednesdays on Hulu. Somebody said when do you feel like you're fully independent? I don't truly feel like I'm fully independent unless I'm enjoying time by myself. That's the only time I truly feel independent because even if I'm by myself, if I'm not enjoying myself. Truly, when I'm by myself, I don't feel independent. Because I'm not independent like I I. Am not happy doing things on my own. I would rather be doing them with somebody else. But when I'm by myself? And I'm enjoying myself, truly. That's when I feel independent and I don't feel truly independent very often. But it's a great feeling. Somebody said how to start talking to guys. I'm 18 and I've never really texted guys or had any kind of guy experience because I'm too shy to text them first and they never text me because I think they might be scared of me or something lol. OK. My dad always said this to me. When I was in, you know, middle school and high school, but he was like. You need to be friends with guys first. Or at least try. Always try to be friends with guys first because that makes it so much easier. It takes the pressure off, but it also. Forms a better bond in connection, and then that can, you know, blossom into whatever it may. But if you start with a friendship. That's going to be pretty solid because. Number one, you're going to be comfortable with them. If you grow friendship, you'll gain comfortability with them. But also. You'll kind of know who they really are, and so that can help. You decide whether or not this is somebody you want to date or be with romantically. You know. Because I think if you just start by just, you don't even build a friendship with somebody, you just start dating them immediately. You're kind of going into it blind and you don't really know what you're getting yourself into, whereas if you're friends with them first. You know what you're getting yourself into? And it's just so much easier now. Listen, there's gonna be times in your life where you may just start dating somebody. Right when you meet them, and I've done that and it's ended terribly and it's ended great, it it can go either way. But if you're struggling with talking to guys romantically. Make some friendships and I can almost guarantee that one of them will blossom into something, but starting off with a friendship is the. Most promising and most comfortable way to do it. So just talk to them like you're like they're your friend. Like you don't need to be flirty, you don't need to be you know, whatever. Just talk to them like you're their friend and. Not only is that. The most fun in a way, but it's also like the least pressure. You know what I'm saying? It takes all the pressure off. Somebody said what does wife Slash husband material mean to you? I would say to me. There's a few like. I would say to me there's a few key elements to somebody that you would want to have as a life partner, #1. Somebody who? You know is going to be loyal to you, somebody that you know. Is not gonna lie to you about big important ****. Somebody that. You know is in it 100% because somebody who's willing to be honest and loyal has to be in it 100% because being honest and being loyal is not easy to do. It actually is hard. And so somebody who's willing to. Be those things. Has to be all in, you know. And that is huge for a life partner. Another thing is, I think, sharing interests. Sharing humor, having something that you guys share like that because? Physical connection is important, and like physical chemistry is really important and stuff like that. Don't get me wrong, that's very important, but I would argue that. A shared sense of humor or a shared interest, or even just like. A shared way of looking at life, whatever it may be, that's almost equally as important to me in my opinion, because. You need to be able to have a conversation with the person that you're dating, and even if you guys have fully different passions in life or fully different senses of humor. If you guys can show each other. Those things. That's great too. You guys just need to be able to have a conversation. It needs to be somebody that you would be friends with. Even if you guys weren't romantic, you know what I'm saying? Like, ask yourself, when you're dating somebody, would I be friends with this person? If we weren't dating. If the answer is no, then things maybe aren't looking so good and you may just be. Attracted to them physically and not mentally. Another thing is somebody who? Shares equal motivation to you for life. I think that's very important. Somebody who is a life partner to you should have a similar level of motivation. As you and similar morals as well. Like? Similar priorities? I think that's really important. But I mean, above all of that, I think that, you know, somebody who's like wife or husband material is somebody that you just click with in a way that is almost unexplainable. I think that that's. One of the biggest parts of it, and that's why it's really hard to like. Pinpoint. You know what makes a good relationship so good? Sometimes it's like unspoken and it's just like there, you know? And it's just like this unspoken bond and understanding that is. Almost kind of spooky and spiritual. Someone said, why do people hate the fact that some people don't have the same style as them? Like, why are you hating on someone for something that doesn't apply to them as long as they're happy? OK, so I think what you're saying here is like, why do people? Care about what other people are doing when it doesn't affect them. Well, obviously I don't know. For sure, but my experience. Tells me that people who do that are very unhappy with their own lives and their own identity and who they are and. They're projecting their insecurities there. Discomfort in their own skin onto others, and that makes them feel better. It's as simple as that, you know? People who maybe. Don't feel happy. Our. Very prone to. Just being hyper focused on what everybody else is doing simply as a distraction to. Distract themselves from. How uncomfortable they truly are in their own skin and. Body and life and all of that, it's a distraction. And it's a comfort mechanism. You know what I'm saying? When someone's judging somebody else? Or criticizing somebody else. That means that they don't have to criticize themselves in that moment, they don't have to judge themselves in that moment, and that may be a relief for them. And that's actually really sad. Somebody said any tips to make life really exciting and fun? I feel like it's a bit more difficult with Corona, but do you have any ideas? I totally get this, but everything that I mentioned earlier in the podcast, going to the beach, going on a hike, going on a walk, listening to good music, going on a drive. Reading a ******* book. Cooking. You can find joy in these small things. You know what I'm saying? If Corona virus taught me one thing, if this whole COVID thing taught me one thing, it's that. You need to learn to find joy in simpler things. And actually that will make your life better in general. Because I was living before coronavirus. I was living from one big event to the next. It was like. OK, next week is Coachella. And then after Coachella ended, it was like, oh, it's my birthday, I'm gonna have a birthday party. Not really, because I never really had birthday parties, but, you know, small birthday party. And then. You know, after my birthday it would be like, oh, now it's summer. Like we're going to go to the beach every single day. And then after that it was like. Oh, the holidays are coming up and it was like I was living from one big event to the next. And that was like enough adrenaline to keep me going to a point where I didn't really need to enjoy the simple things in life if I didn't want to because I had so much going on. And I think a lot of us can relate to that, but. The moment that you can enjoy simpler things in life. It's like freedom because. There's infinite amounts of. Little tiny things to enjoy. Whether that's going on a walk and listening to good music or going to the beach by yourself or with friends, even whatever. Like finding little joys in every day. Even if that's cooking something. Even if that's just a moment of you with your cat or your dog in your bed and you guys are just cuddling up together, whatever that moment may be. It's just finding joy in those small moments and that makes life feel more exciting. If you can, change your perspective and start to look at everything. As. Nothing's too small to enjoy and find joy in. The second you can change your perspective and see life like that. It's very freeing and I'm still working on it, but. Already it's really making me feel. Happier and more excited about everyday life. Somebody said favorite song at the moment. Doja cat and sister came out with a song and I love it. So that's up there. With one of my favorite songs right now. It's funny because I, like, opened my Spotify and my Spotify was like, new song by Sizzla and Doja Cat and I was like, OK, this is gonna be ******* crazy fun. And I listened to it and I was like, yes, this is crazy fun. And I rarely. Do that like I rarely listen to, like when new songs get released. I'm somebody who, like, listens to stuff I've been listening to for years on repeat over and over again for years. Like, I'll just listen to the same **** for years. But this was like the first new song I've listened to in a long time, and it was very fun. Somebody said I'm 18 today, bestie, give me some advice. Well. I think when you turn 18, there's this new pressure on you because you're technically an adult to have your life figured out. My first piece of advice is you are still a child, OK? So if you don't have everything figured out when you're 18, that is completely OK and you shouldn't. So that's my first piece of advice. But my second piece of advice would be to enjoy your newfound freedom. You know, there's this freedom in being 18. You can sign for yourself. You can go. Stay in a hotel by yourself. You know you can. There's so many things that you can do once you turn 18 and. Don't take that for granted. Like, enjoy that. You know what I'm saying? Enjoy that newfound freedom and and use it to enhance your life. Whether that's going on a trip with your friends, you know, without your parents or something like whatever it may be, enjoy the fact that you have this new freedom. Somebody said. How do I lower my expectations for myself? I think the key to that is to eliminate expectations altogether. And it's not an easy thing to do because as humans, I think our brain immediately goes to creating expectations about everything on a daily basis. I think the key to lowering your expectations is to just remove them completely. Why have expectations about anything? There's no point to having expectations. I think the only time that expectations. Are maybe healthy or good are with how you want to be treated by others. I think that's the only time expectations are necessary. You should have expectations about how you should be treated. To a certain extent, you know what I'm saying? Like. Let's say you are going to start dating, right? You should absolutely have a set of expectations that you have for whoever your significant other may be. They need to be loyal, they need to be honest. They need to, you know, be a good communicator, whatever it may be for you. Those are healthy and good expectations, but expecting them to sweep you off your feet and you know. Text you every day, 10 million times a day, like certain expectations are unrealistic, so it's about finding you know. Healthy expectations in that scenario that are realistic and are kind of in a sense the bare minimum, you know what I'm saying? But besides that, I think you can remove all expectations. You know what I'm saying? Like. Let's say you are struggling with having way too high expectations for yourself. The second that you remove the expectations, you're gonna feel this like freedom to do whatever you want. You know what I'm saying? Like it gives you freedom when you don't have expectations for yourself. So go easy on yourself and. Just. Take your life moment by moment. You know what I mean. If you have a moment where you're feeling super productive and you want to clean the whole house and do all your homework. Do it and be proud of yourself after. But if there's a day when you just need to lay in bed and you just can't. Get yourself out of bed. Don't set some crazy expectation for yourself to get all that same stuff done. Remove that expectation and once you remove that expectation. Your likelihood of actually going and getting the things done that you need to get done I think goes up because. Sometimes expectation can scare you. Out of doing something because. It's this like, mind game where you're like, well, if I don't do it and I don't exceed my expectation for myself, then I'm gonna feel like **** about myself and I'm feel like a loser. And then it's like this downward spiral in your brain where you just start beating yourself up. But if you remove that expectation. And you're like, you know what? I'm just gonna lay in bed today if that's what I want and if I want to go. Be productive and clean the house and do all my homework. Then I'll do it. But if I don't have the energy, I just won't do it right now. Taking the pressure off will. Make you want to get out of bed a lot more than all of this pressure, you know? I don't know if that made sense, but anyway. Somebody said how do you know when you need a break from social media? How do you know you need to distance yourself? I would say when I start going on my Instagram and stocking my own page for like. Longer than 5 minutes. I know it's time when I start like analyzing how. My Instagram is perceived by others. That's when I know it's time for a break. Like when I start to overthink what everybody thinks of me and my online persona. That's when it's time for a break. When I start to obsess of the you know about getting the perfect photo for my Instagram story, that's when I know I need a break. It's when I become too invested. And it's also when I start to get really depressed and sad and I can't get out of bed. Because as much as anxiety and depression is something that we can't avoid, it's like. Not something you can just like turn off, right? It can be exacerbated by things it can get. 10 times worse because of something that you're doing. And so when I start to get in a really bad spot, that's another time I know. Like it's time to turn this off. We need to figure something else out, because. Life's too short. And on that note, I really appreciate you guys listening to today's episode. I loved hanging out with you guys. I love you all more than you could ever know and comprehend. And. If you enjoyed this episode. Feel free to subscribe to anything goes on any of the platforms you listen to podcasts leave a little rating on Apple Podcasts. I literally get choked up every time I read the reviews that you guys leave. Makes me literally get choked up and I kid you not. If you want to follow the Twitter at AG podcast, you can kind of interact with the episodes, you can ask questions, be a part of. The advice session series that I have on this podcast. And it's a really great time over there. And I think that's all I got. Thank you guys for hanging out with me for another week, tweeted me some book recommendations. I'd really appreciate it. And I love you all. Treat yourself with love and kindness this week and do something for yourself, such as going for a walk or reading a book. Love you all. Peace and love. Bye. We're here with Phil talking about what's new with heart. Nissan. Phil, what are some good reasons somebody should buy now? That's a great question. We all know that car shopping can be an overwhelming process. Plus, people are uncertain about a lot these days. Parmesan recognize that? So we rolled up a heart rewards program. All new and pre-owned vehicle purchases. Get one year identity theft protection 3, Virginia State inspections, and multipoint inspections. One year tire Rd Hazard with roadside assistance, a three day vehicle exchange and every purchase or service earns heart rewards points. That's a ton of stuff. It's amazing offering all those benefits. It can really save people a lot of headaches and of course money. Exactly. And we have even more savings right now. Get 0% financing on all new and certified pre-owned Nissan in our inventory. Phil, thanks so much for coming in. right, you got it. or check us out in the Apple App Store or. Google Play store use your head and trust your heart maximal finance $20,000 for 60 months with tier one credit approval with MC dealer. Full details.