Emma prefers to share her thoughts with a microphone rather than a physical human being, so thank god she has a podcast. Recorded from the comfort of her bed, Emma talks at length about whatever is on her mind every week. Anything really does go on this podcast. Sometimes philosophy, sometimes a random story from 10 years ago, sometimes advice, and sometimes nothing at all. You never know what you are going to get, but that’s what keeps it interesting. New episodes every Thursday.
Thu, 24 Feb 2022 17:00
as most of you guys know youtube has been a major part of my life. it's literally why i am where i am today. but my relationship with it has been rocky, and it's definitely taken a toll on me. so i want to open up about all of it, and talk to you guys about where i see my relationship with youtube in the future, and the things i want to focus on now. and for those of you who have been there since the early days of my channel, i can't thank you enough :) To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Carvana has purchased over a million cars from Happy customers by giving them an offer within minutes, and they can do the same for you. Carvana will give you a real offer for your car within minutes. Then they'll come to pick up your car and pay you on the spot. So to get a real offer on your vehicle in minutes, download the app or visit carvana.com. Hello everybody. Today's drink of the day is an iced green tea with toasted rice. Let me tell you about this green tea with toasted rice. It is so good. It's basically. A tea bag with green tea and toasted pieces of rice in it. self-explanatory. But the toasted rice gives the green tea this nutty, toasty flavor. Ah, it is so good. So I made some of that today and put it over ice and it's very delicious. And the fact that I'm drinking green tea should. Kind of foreshadow for you what type of mood I'm in today. I'm in a very cool, calm and collected mood when I'm drinking cold brew. I'm in power mode, I'm in sport mode, I'm in go mode. I'm ready to raise my voice, talk passionately about things. Et cetera. When I drink matcha, I'm kind of channeling that same energy, but maybe 2 notches down. And when I'm drinking. Iced herbal tea. I'm feeling like an intellectual. I'm feeling. Again, as I said earlier, cool, calm and collected, I. Mention my drink of the day to. Kind of help set the tone, so anyway, let's get into today's topic. We're talking about YouTube today. I just listen. I've been avoiding this topic a little bit because not avoiding it, but I've been kind of. Waiting until the right time to discuss. YouTube because. I needed to get all my ducks in a row first. I needed to gather my thoughts. I needed to wait until an iced herbal tea kind of day came along where I was feeling cool, calm and collected and could articulate my thoughts. Beautifully and. In a relaxing manner, anyway, I I had to wait for the right time to talk about YouTube, but today we're going to talk about it. So basically. If you're listening to this podcast and you know nothing about me. The way that my career on the Internet started was actually through YouTube. I started YouTube when I was 16 and by some ******* miracle. People liked my videos and I somehow became a YouTuber. I don't really know how it happened. I don't know why it happened. But yet here we are. And so YouTube. Was the start of my career. It is how I have been able to do. Everything else I've done with my business, it's given me every opportunity. I have and for that I am extremely grateful for it and. From the time that I was 16 to now, I have uploaded a YouTube video. Almost every week. I'm not going to say I've uploaded every single week because there's definitely been some weeks in there where I've skipped. But. I've uploaded hundreds of videos. Approximately once a week. For the past four years. For the past four years. Not a week has gone by where I have not thought about YouTube and. When you think about something. From the time that you wake up. To the time that you go to bed. Every single. Day. It takes a toll on you. It takes a huge toll on you. When something is that all consuming? Burnout is completely inevitable. And throughout those four years of me creating YouTube videos, I've dealt with burnout time and time again. Burnout on YouTube. Is a little bit complex. Because. It seems like something that shouldn't happen, like. There are heart surgeons out there. They go to work every day and operate on human hearts. Which is a very high stress, high stakes job, that. Is probably. Astronomically more stressful than being a ******* YouTuber. Yet when they're burnt out, they have to keep going. They cannot just be like, oh, I'm too, you know, burnt out to be a heart surgeon today. They cannot say that they cannot do that. They have to. Show up every day because there are lives on the line, right? O. As a YouTuber, when I would get burnt out, I would be like Emma. Why? Why? You're not allowed to get burnt out, you *****. You're not allowed to get burnt out because. All you have to do is film a video, edit it, upload it, and then move on to the next week. That's it, babe. It's not that hard. So every time I'd hit a little bump of burnout where I'd run out of video ideas and I would. Have a meltdown every time I turn a camera on and. My anxiety and depression would start to kind of creep in again. Whenever that would happen, I would look at myself in the mirror and say you're not allowed to feel burnt out because you have the easiest job in the world. So suck it up and get over it, because you're not allowed to complain, you're not allowed to be burnt out and. That's the end of the story. You have no excuse. And so anytime I would hit burnout, I would bully myself through it. Basically, and. I wouldn't ever let myself take a break longer than a week. And I just kept pushing through because I was like, you know what? I have no excuse and. On top of that. The narrative around being a YouTuber is that you have to upload. Once a week, minimum or else you will become irrelevant. Quicker than you can, say the ABC's baby you will be done if you take. A month off, your career is over. That was the narrative. In the YouTube community. I was friends with Youtubers. And they would always say, like, you can't take a week off like that. Is the worst thing you could possibly do for your channel and career. You have to be consistent or else you will fail. You'll fail and. Your career will be over and you will have to go back to your hometown and figure your **** out. You have to upload every week. That was like the narrative around being a YouTuber. So basically no matter what was happening in my life or. How burnt out I felt I was on this hamster wheel. Of creating weekly videos. Now I started to notice a lot of Youtubers were hiring teams to help film and edit for them so that their workload. Could be lessened a little bit, but I didn't want to do this at first because I felt like that would lower the quality of my content and that within itself would. And my career, you know, like that would be the thing that. Would make people not. Excited about me anymore so I refused to get help. With creating my videos for. Probably two or three years. And I was doing it all on my own. Filming my videos on my own, editing my videos on my own, and you know, it was. All consuming, you know, from the time that I woke up. To the time that I went to sleep, it was all I thought about every time I was on a vacation. I was like, gotta take out my camera and film and vlog this experience every time I was. With friends doing things I was like, hmm, I wonder if my friends would be comfortable if I pull out my camera right now. It was constantly on my mind. But I also felt frustrated at many points because. As I was on this hamster wheel of creating weekly videos and hitting burnout every few weeks. I felt like. The weekly video structure wasn't giving me enough time to experiment and grow creatively because. In order to experiment, you know you need time. You need to try out stuff, right? But when you're creating a video every single week, you don't have time to experiment because your window. Of how much time you have to create a video for the next week is very small. And so. I felt frustrated with my content and not excited about it at many points throughout creating YouTube videos on a weekly basis because I felt like I didn't have room to experiment and evolve my content. And that made me feel bad about myself because I was like, I don't like what I'm making right now. Like, I don't feel like it's the peak of what I could be making. But I also don't feel like I have the room to take a few weeks off, experiment, and make something that I'm excited about. Because as I mentioned earlier, the narrative around being a YouTuber is that your *** better be uploading a video every single week or else you're done. You're done. So at a certain point I decided to hire an editor who is amazing. Very very amazing editor and I started to get help with editing my videos. And. That was amazing for about a year because. All I had to do was film myself. Once a week, send it off to my editor and then he would edit it and then. That was it and I was able to work a lot quicker and a lot more. Efficiently, right? But. This eventually. Caused me distress as well because. I realized after handing off the editing job to my editor. That. My passion for YouTube is less rooted in filming content, but rather. In the editing of of the content, I was passionate about editing videos. That's what I love doing. And so. I quickly started to feel. Sad again because I was like. I don't get to do my favorite part. Of YouTube. If I want to make videos efficiently. And in a way that gives me free time, you know, because editing was taking up before I got an editor. Editing was taking up. 30 hours of my week, every week, you know, and I. Was not sleeping and I was like. Working myself. To the bone, you know, trying to get out a weekly video that was hand edited by me. And it was not sustainable. I just couldn't keep it going. But then I handed off that job to an editor and then I felt empty. Without the editing portion of being a YouTuber, I kind of felt like. My passion for YouTube. Was drifting away from me because. Editing is the storytelling, you know. Editing is the artistic part of it for me and the creative part of it for me. And so YouTube stopped feeling as creative for me and it started to feel more like a job because. I wasn't editing anymore, and then I was. Conflicted because I was like, well, I could look at YouTube just like a job because that kind of is what it is. It is a job, I guess. And I could just hand my footage off to my editor and turn a blind eye to it after that and just press upload and not give a ****. I could do that. But that's not me. You know that's not me. That's not. Passionate, that's not honest. And so. After realizing that having an editor was kind of removing the passion from YouTube for me, I decided to start editing my own videos again. And at first this was great. But inevitably. I hit burnout again. Now. Let's backtrack. A little bit too. All the times I've hit burnout within the past four years. I've probably hit burnout 40 times. Every time I've hit burnout, it's gotten a little bit worse. It's like every time I hit it, it's a little bit worse than the last time. And this most recent. Burnout that I hit. Sent me into an existential crisis. That has changed my life forever. I even made an episode a few months back about. Dealing with existential crises and how ******* awful they are because. You question the meaning of life. You question. Everything right when you're dealing with an existential crisis. This most recent burnout that I had. Sent me. Into that headspace. And a few things happened. OK, so I've told you guys about circle before, right? Spelled CIRKUL. Circle was created for people like me, OK, who don't drink enough water every day circles basically this water bottle with over 40 flavor cartridges that makes drinking water way more tasty. The flavors cover all the bases. They have fruit, punches, iced teas. Some even have caffeine or electrolytes, but there's no sugar, there's no calories, and there's no artificial flavors. My favorite flavor is strawberry Kiwi. And my favorite thing about it is I love how the dial on the cartridge lets you choose how much flavor you get per sip. All you have to do is twist the dial to a certain number for how much flavor that you want and you're ready to go. So the cool thing about it is that you can put the cartridge on. And you can set it to whatever setting you want. So you could set it to a setting where when you take a sip of water, it just tastes like water, so there's no flavor added. But if you're in the mood to add some flavor, you can twist it a little bit. And then you have a super flavorful sip. Right now Circle is giving all of my listeners. Up to 35% off their order, plus free shipping on all orders of $15 or more. Plus, as an added bonus, we're throwing in my favorite flavor, strawberry Kiwi, for free. Just visit drink circom emmathatsdrinkcirkul.com/emma to get this limited time offer. Today. Again, that's drinkcircle.com/emma. Number one, I realized. For the first time, truly. How creating weekly videos on YouTube affects my life? I felt. Like I had no room. To have a bad week. I had to be on camera once a week minimum every week. And some weeks. I'm sad. And some weeks. I don't want. People to see my face. Some weeks. I want to just be silent and quiet. And cozy in my bed. And I don't want to have to, you know, leave the house and do extravagant things for you to video some weeks. I just want to do nothing. And I felt like. It was more common than it should be. Then I was forcing myself to be in a good mood and forcing myself to go out and do stuff for the sake of my video. Because I didn't want to bring negative energy onto the Internet, of course. But I also felt this pressure to be myself on camera, but sometimes if I was being myself. Myself wasn't. Something I really wanted to show wasn't something I was proud of because sometimes. I felt pessimistic. I felt negative. I felt mean. I felt. Sad. Sometimes they felt that way and. I didn't want to show that to the world, you know? I didn't want to show that to people. I wanted people to come to my videos and watch them and feel good. And if I'm in this ****** mood on camera, that's going to rub off on the people that watch. And so. I felt like I could only show so much of my sadness. On camera and so much, only so much of my discomfort. Because I didn't want. To be a negative Nelly, but. This left me no room to have human. Emotions and to have human. Days, right? Like sometimes there'd be a day where I'd have to film a video and I'd be like, I'm really sad today. I don't really want to turn on a camera. I don't have anything to say. But you know, I would say to myself, you have to upload every week, Youtubers upload every week or else they fail, upload, upload film right now, film right now. And I would bully myself into pushing through it. And I would cover up my pain. And. My whole career people have always been like. It's really cool that. Emma's so honest with the people that watch her videos. Yet there were times when I was not fully being honest, and there were times when I was down bad for whatever reason, but on camera I seemed pretty normal and fine. It was a ******** for me. Because on one hand. Yeah, I'm honest on camera and I'm. Unapologetic about **** that I say, but on the other hand, there are times when even you know in a weird way. My honesty was. Sugarcoated. It wasn't fully the truth because deep down there was **** going on that I didn't feel comfortable sharing and so. I was having this identity crisis where I was like. I'm only showing. My best moments to the world. But yet people are watching this and feeling like this is truly me. And no one really knows about what's going on behind the scenes. And I feel weirdly like a liar, even though I'm not a liar. But I felt like that. I had gotten to a point where I felt like I. Was trapped because I felt this constant pressure to be in a good place mentally so that I wouldn't have to lie and pretend that I was in a good place mentally. But nothing's going to put you in a worse place faster than telling yourself you need to be in a good mood. You need to be in a good mood because when you turn on the camera today, you need to be in a good mood or else you're faking a good mood, and that's against. Everything that you stand for. I also realized that. I had two options. I could either. Make videos completely by myself with no help. And make them really good. But have no free time. And no social life. And get burnt out very frequently but the videos be. Creatively. My baby's right like my creation. Which makes me feel. The most proud of. My videos so I could. Have no free time but be proud of my videos. Or I could hire a bunch of people to help me make my videos. And I'd have a lot of free time, but I wouldn't be as proud of my videos because they weren't uniquely mine. You know, other people were helping in their creation, which. In turn makes them less intimate. They it it makes it less me and I I was at this crossroads where I was trying to choose one or the other. But then as I was trying to make the decision between. Having no free time, but being proud of my videos and having free time and not being proud of my videos as I was, you know, dealing with this dilemma, sorting through this dilemma, I started to think about. The concept. Of YouTube in general. And this led me down an even darker existential crisis where I'm like. What even is this like? What even is this the concept of me just filming myself? And then posting it. And then that's it. And that's my job. I was like, what the ****? What the ****? This is so weird. Like how is this possible that this is my job and I started to feel really stressed out because I was like. I don't understand how it's possible that this happened in the 1st place and this was able to be my job. I don't understand how I ended up here in the 1st place, so I don't know how I'm supposed to continue it. Successfully because I don't even really know how I got here. Like if that makes sense. I felt this pressure to know what move to take next. But yet. I didn't even understand. How I succeeded in it in the first place? So I felt like I was making these decisions blindly. I'm like, I don't know why people want to watch my videos. I don't know why I like watching other people's videos. I don't understand the concept of YouTube. I don't get what people like about it. I don't know why it works. I don't know how the **** this is even a job that people can have nowadays. I don't understand this. And because they don't understand it, I can't make an educated guess on what my next step should be and this dilemma. Was weighing on me so heavily, yet I didn't have the time to sort through this dilemma. Because as I mentioned earlier, I'm supposed to be uploading every week or else girl, it's not even gonna matter. What direction I take editing my own stuff or hiring an editor and a videographer, it wouldn't even matter. If I stop uploading, people aren't gonna care anymore. So I'm trying to sort out how I can make YouTube something that I can do in a sustainable way. But I also felt like I didn't have the time to sort through it. And I was going back and forth. On a daily basis trying to come up with how I could do YouTube. In a way that. Doesn't destroy me mentally. As quickly as possible. So that I could continue uploading on a weekly basis in the world wouldn't forget about me. But this dilemma? Destroyed me. Really? It destroyed me. It was it it drove me insane for. Months. Until. I got to such a dark place. In this hamster wheel of being a YouTuber that I just said, you know what? I can't do this at all. I need to step back completely. I need to. Step back and heal from the years and years of burnout. And give myself. Weeks, months, years if I need to, to figure out. If it's something that I can do. In a healthy way. And so that's eventually what I did. And so for the last few months, I haven't I think two months. For the last two months I haven't been doing YouTube. And. I haven't been thinking about YouTube. And I've been focusing on my podcast, which is what you're listening to right now, and I've been focusing on my coffee company and I've been focusing on. Myself and. Figuring out what types of things I enjoy doing. Outside of creating weekly YouTube videos, because that's the other thing, because YouTube has been so. Time consuming. Over the past four years, I haven't developed many hobbies outside of it. My whole identity life. Being was being a YouTuber and I didn't have any room to develop hobbies or passions outside of it and. I need to do that. I need to do that for my own happiness. And. I I will say. That after stepping back from YouTube. I'm in a better state. Mentally than I've been in the past four years. Ever since, I've taken a step back from YouTube. And I've just been focusing on my podcast and my coffee company and. My family and my close. Two friends and. Trying to figure out. What other things bring me joy outside of? YouTube. I've just I've never felt. So emotionally stable. Possibly even in my life, like I can't. I couldn't tell you the last time I cried. I couldn't tell you the last time I. Had a panic attack. I can't tell you the last time. Actually, I could tell you the last time, and it was when. I was still making videos but anyways I can't tell you the last time. I had a depressive episode I have. I feel stable. Because I'm out of that hamster wheel. Of YouTube. And. I don't feel like I need to be. In a good mood all the time. I don't feel like I need to have something to talk about all the time. I don't feel like I need to. Spend my days doing interesting stuff all the time. For the sake of my video, I feel like I'm allowed to just exist freely and the way that I get to communicate with. People who want to listen to me talk is through my podcast, which for me is a much more comfortable environment. I can record my podcast. At any time of the day. No matter what I look like. In the comfort of my bed and. Nobody can see me. I'm just talking. It's almost like I'm talking on the phone and recording my podcast, for whatever reason, doesn't burn me out at all. I don't know why. It just doesn't. And I love it and I love doing it and I love working on my coffee company because I'm passionate about it and it's like my little baby child that I want to be perfect. And those are things that like light my soul on fire when it comes to my career. And so I've just been leaning into these things heavy and enjoying it and. It's funny because I'm not the only YouTuber that has stopped creating weekly videos and has decided to do a podcast or decided to create a company, or has decided to quit altogether. I'm not the only you know YouTuber who has done that. There have been. Hundreds of Youtubers who have had to do that and I think what it really comes down to is that. The pressure to be. A weekly YouTuber 365 days a year is unrealistic, yet it's the standard, right? It's the standard that Youtubers hold themselves to. But yet it's. An impossible thing to keep up mentally. For all the reasons that I mentioned before. But also because. It feels like every week you are taking a risk. You're like, this might be the video that. People hate, you know? This might be the video that makes people not really **** with me anymore. Or. This video might be too similar to the last one, which makes it boring which makes people no longer like me anymore. This video. I might have been in a bad mood and people might think that I had a bad attitude in this video and I might get a bunch of **** for it. Like every video. You're taking a risk, right? And it's. Emotionally draining because. You put so much time. Editing and recording the perfect video. And if it doesn't? Get the response that you wanted. It's. Gutting. And I don't know what it is about, YouTube in particular, I don't know if it's the level of work that goes into it. Or. If it's. The intimacy of it, you know, where it's like a handcrafted video by you. And if people don't like it, that's like a stab at your personality. I don't know if it's that. Or if it's the fact that in theory, you're face to face. With. The audience sits watching. That makes it more emotionally draining. I don't know what about it is so draining. And so emotionally. Vulnerable, but there's something about it that's just so vulnerable. I don't know. I don't know, but it's not sustainable to do on a weekly basis. Simple as that. And. I'm taking a break from YouTube for a while just so that I can fully heal, heal my burnout and. For whatever reason, I haven't cracked the code on how to be a YouTuber. In a healthy way, I never cracked that code. And, you know, I've actually never found a you tuber who's figured it out. I think. YouTube is going to go through a very interesting shift. In the near future, because I think that. A lot of people are realizing that, being a daily vlogger. Being, you know, a weekly YouTube uploader is. Almost impossible to keep up. It's it's almost impossible to keep up. And because of that. You rarely see a YouTuber create. Weekly videos for longer than a few years before they just quit because for whatever reason, it's just. So exhausting and emotionally. Draining. OK, so if I were to host a live radio show and I could play any music I wanted. I would honestly probably have the time of my Life OK, but I'll admit I would probably end up playing. Just sad music. I don't know what it is about me, but I love sad music, OK? And so I'd probably end up playing. A lot of sad music. Specifically for the people who are listening in the car by themselves. That want to shed a tear in a good way? Well now there is a place that I or you or anyone can host a live show. Amp is the platform that allows people to come together and create live, unfiltered radio shows with whatever music or content that they love. And this is like a real show where you can have people listening live and you can pick exactly which songs to play, and you can even have fans calling in to chat while you're on air. If I had a live show, I would definitely. Have people call in and ask me for dating advice honestly, so I think I'd have to do dating advice. You know what this actually sounds like the perfect radio show. Sad music combined with dating advice, because all of the shows on AMP are run by real people. You can tell that the playlists are authentic. A playlist generated automatically just sounds different than one that an individual is controlling based on their passions and tastes. And with 10s of millions of licensed songs to choose from, everyone will find the music that appeals to them. But it's not just music. You can have a talk show, or react to news, or riff on pop culture, and that's one of the best parts about being a podcast host. You can just riff. On whatever. Excites your mind on any given day. So download AMP today in the App Store that's a amp, or ask Alexa to play amp. We're talking about Macy's again. My favorite one stop shop in such a beloved friend to anything goes. Macy's is the best because it really has something for everyone in every occasion. Whether it's clothes, HomeGoods, cooking Ware, whatever it may be, Macy's has something for you in the spirit of everybody having their own individual Macy's shopping experience. They're making us feel like true VIP's for the next couple of weeks because Macy's VIP sale has arrived just in time to get everything you need to cozy up this fall. From September 23rd to October 3rd, get 30% off regular sale and clearance items plus. 15% off beauty. And again, outside of beauty, that's 30% off. Pretty much everything from clothing, shoes and handbags to home decor and appliances. It's happening at Macy's. You want to know what I'm going to get? I'm going to get scarves because I really want to have a scarf. I live in California. It's only cold for like 3 months here, and it's not even that cold. Like it never snows, but I need to be leaning into the winter. Entire this year, because last year I wasn't going hard enough. So I will be picking up a few things from Macy's if you need to get some stuff for fallcheckoutmacys.com, that's macys.com. You'll find what you need. I can guarantee you that. I think it really comes down to. For me anyway. The fact that. I don't ever want to put something out into the world that I'm not proud of. I just don't. And. If I want to be consistent on YouTube. That would mean that I'm going to have to post videos. That, in my opinion, are lesser quality. So that I can continue to upload them on a consistent basis and that is just something I don't want to do. I would rather post nothing and people unsubscribe from my channel, block me, comment, hate comments. I don't care. I would rather people do that. Because I'm not uploading. Then. Post a video that I'm not proud of because I've done it before and. It's the worst feeling on the planet. I just don't want to do it. And the hardest part about this whole thing too for me is that I feel like. It's so hard for me. To talk about this stuff because I know how stupid it sounds. It's like. Creating YouTube videos is possibly, in theory, the easiest job in the world. Right again, as I mentioned earlier, film edit post. That's it. So complaining about it or talking about the psychologically difficult sides of it. Just seems pathetic to me. You know it. I'm like God, it's like. It's so. Ridiculous. You know what I mean? But I think that there are sides to being a YouTuber. Outside of the. Actual work of it like filming, editing and uploading. I think that there are sides of being a YouTuber that. Are difficult. That you wouldn't expect. Whether it's. The lack of privacy that comes with. Putting you know your day-to-day life on the Internet, whether it's. People commenting on your appearance on a daily basis, whether it's. This constant pressure to keep up with the trends and be. Coming up with the next best thing every single week. In that mental turmoil of trying to figure out what that is. Is daunting. All of those things combined with the workload. Can just become overwhelming for a human. And most of the Youtubers that I know, all of the Youtubers I know struggle with the same thing, and a lot of them have quit and they're done and they can't do it anymore. I think that there's a way to do it. That's healthy. I think it exists. But it's definitely not the way that. Youtubers of my generation. Have done it. I don't know what. It looks like I don't know. How it's done? I know it exists, but I don't know. So for now, I'm taking a step back from YouTube. I'm letting myself heal from the yells. I'm letting myself heal from the years of burnout. And. I'm I'm focusing on the parts of my career that excite me the most. And make me feel. The most excited and right now that's my podcast and that's my coffee company and I'm happy with working on just those things. And I miss. Making YouTube videos. I miss it, but I know. That I'm not ready to revisit it yet. You know. I'm not ready to revisit it yet. I need to give myself. At least a few months. Before I can revisit it. And decide what I'm going to do next with YouTube. I mean. The thing about YouTube is that anything is possible. You can make. Any. Type of video you want. There's no restrictions on what you want. I mean there is like you can't upload a video if you like. Killing someone, but you know what I'm saying? Like. There's virtually no restrictions on YouTube, you know, there you can create whatever you want, and because of that. I never see myself leaving YouTube for good. But I definitely see myself leaving. The way I used to do YouTube. If that makes sense, I'm always going to utilize YouTube as a platform for. Video creations. Of sorts, but what type of video? I post on YouTube. Is probably never going to be the same again. I. I don't know what it's going to be. I don't. But I do know that I love creating videos. I I like creating videos. I just need to figure out. What types of videos? And how often? I can feasibly upload those videos. I need to figure that out, but I need to give myself time. I need to do some soul searching on my own where YouTube is not even a part. Of my life. I need to do some soul searching. And some development. And figure out who I am without YouTube as my identity. I need to figure all that out before I can go back and so. That's kind of what's on my agenda, but I will say that. It was really scary to stop uploading to YouTube. Because I thought that everything was going to go down the drain, because that's what I had convinced myself for the past four years. But it didn't happen. It didn't happen. I'm fine. Everything's fine, right? Everything's ******* fine. And it's OK to take a break because even though I feel like I don't deserve one because I feel like. I'm not allowed to complain. Everything is relative and I do deserve a break if I need one, and I do need to take time to heal the burnout. And so that's what I'm going to do. So that's where I'm at with the whole thing. I'm really fascinated to see where YouTube evolves to because for the past. Five or so years the main style of popular YouTube videos. Created by individual Youtubers has been. Vlog style videos where you take the camera around with you every day and. That's the concept of the video, right? That's kind of been the staple style of YouTube video by individual Youtubers for the past five years. I don't. Think. That's going to be true for much longer because I don't think. That's what people are going to want to see in two years time because. With every style of YouTube video on the Internet. It gets old at some point, right? Like? When YouTube first started, everybody was making parody. Music videos right where they were like parody and music video. And then there was YouTube pranks where the biggest videos on YouTube were all pranks where people would prank people. And then that kind of died out. And then it was about challenges. Everybody was making challenge videos like. Eating 50 doughnuts, challenge, **** like that, and then that kind of died down and then it became all about vlogging, and I feel like now vlogging is kind of dying down. Or at least it will soon, and I'm very curious to see what's next. I don't know what's next. I don't know what's next, but. I think that YouTube is going through a huge shift, right? From one era of content to another. And. I'm sitting back and just watching. And. We'll see what comes next, but it's a very interesting thing because. I don't know. It's it's hard not to feel like everything's already been done. Sometimes I look at YouTube and I think. Is there any type of video that hasn't been made before I I've even found myself thinking this about? Other platforms as well like. Instagram and Tik T.O.K. And stuff like that. I'm like, hasn't everything already been said? Hasn't every outfit already been worn before? Hasn't every? Vlog. Been done by someone else before, you know. Like someone vlogs themselves, waking up, getting coffee, going shopping and then ending the vlog. Haven't we seen that hundreds of times? Like I wonder. What in the world could be next? Because I feel like. The Internet now at this point, has been around for so long that it's starting to feel like everything has been done before. And personally. I like to do things that haven't been done before, or. Take something and make it my own. But it feels like. That's impossible now, and I don't know if that's true. And that's just like a limiting belief that I have, or if it is true. Maybe everything has been done before. In the beginning of the Internet we were pioneering. At every turn, you know, because the Internet was new. So. The person who created the first vlog. Was a pioneer, right? The person who created the 1st. Cooking Tik T.O.K was a pioneer. Because everything is so new. But now everything's already been done millions and millions of times. So it's hard. To come up with a unique and inspiring and fresh idea. But I think that that's just a growing pain of the Internet and I think that. Someone's going to figure out. A new creative genre for YouTube. And I'm excited to see what it is. What does it really take to make it in New York City when you're young? 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It's time to hustle free forms the come up new episodes Wednesdays on Hulu. Thank you for listening today I just felt like I needed to talk about. Where I'm at with YouTube and why I'm not uploading on there and why I want to focus more on my podcast because. This is the platform that I feel. I can be the most expressive on, I can be the most myself on, but also I still can have a level of. Privacy in a way, because. I'm not on camera. I'm not. Showing my surroundings of where I am and what I'm doing. I'm just sitting in bed and I'm just talking to you guys like I'm talking on the phone and. I feel safe and comfortable and. I love it, you know, and this is and this is something I really love doing and I want to develop it more and more. As I see fit. And evolve it in different ways and. I don't know. I mean, I'm just really excited. I think podcasting is. Is. So. Amazing. The other thing I like about podcasting is how I feel like you can integrate. Listening to podcasts into a into your daily life. In a way that's productive, like you can listen. To a podcast while you're doing your chores or while you're driving to work or school, whereas. When you're on Instagram or you're watching a YouTube video, you know, you have to be kind of focused, right? I mean, you can put on a YouTube video. While you're doing your makeup in the morning, or. I don't know why you're cooking, but. It takes a little bit more focus. I feel like with podcasting you know you can listen to it while you're doing. Your daily tasks, and that's something I like about it. Whereas I think that. Other platforms. Require extreme self-control in balance in order to be integrated into a. Healthy and productive lifestyle. I don't think podcasting is that way. Like, I don't think people get addicted to podcasts. I don't think people get. Unhealthily addicted to podcasts, whereas with all other social media platforms you can definitely get addicted in an unhealthy way. To their algorithm and things like that and so. As much as I understand that these things are a necessary evil, and also I don't even want to call them a necessary evil because I think that other platforms are incredible. But. I have a special love for podcasting because I feel like. It's a form of entertainment that's similar to a book or similar to an audiobook, where. There's more substance and. It's more mind expanding. And. I think that. It's a very healthy form of entertainment. And I'm always trying to find the healthiest forms of entertainment for myself, because I like to be entertained like anyone else, but I don't want to get sucked into an algorithm that's going to leave me feeling depressed after I'm on it for too long. You know, like how I used to feel with Tik T.O.K. I used to go on Tik T.O.K for hours and hours a day and I found myself feeling really anxious, really depressed, really unhappy. Because it was. Making me feel out of control because I couldn't stop using it and I was addicted to it. And the fact that podcasting doesn't have that effect is definitely a selling point for me. But anywho. That's all I got. Thank you guys for listening and thank you guys for. Supporting the podcast and you know, coming back every week and listening and hanging out with me and this is truly. My favorite way to connect with you and. I love breaking down topics and discussing them. That's one of my favorite things to do in life, and the fact that I'm able to do that on this podcast. And that you guys want to listen is the most incredible and awesome thing. And I am just so incredibly grateful. And if you are a supporter of my YouTube channel, I want to thank you for all those years that. I was grinding out those weekly videos, for better or for worse. You know, if you were watching him and leaving nice comments. I really appreciate it and I'm just very grateful for you guys and I just. I'm excited to lean into the podcast even more and see how. How far I can take it? **** it. Why not? Anyway, thank you guys for listening. Subscribe to anything goes on any platform that you stream podcasts. Follow the Instagram at anything goes. Follow the Twitter at AG podcast. Leave a review on Apple Podcasts if you like. Check out my coffee company, Chamberlain coffee.com. I sell. All different types of coffee and matcha products and cute accessories and I'm very proud of. That. Company? What the ****? I'm very proud of that company. No, I. I recommend. I'm going to give a recommendation of what you should try. I think if you are new to Chamberlain coffee and you haven't purchased anything before, I would recommend getting the clear Tumblr cup. It's like. It's like a Tumblr cup. Like one of those screw on. Plastic cups with like the lid and the straw. That's clear. I have like 7 of them and I use them on a daily basis and. They're the most useful cups I own. And I would also recommend that you try. Our new instant coffee. Because OK, listen, I've always been anti instant coffee. I've always been like, you like, miss me with that ****. It's so gross. But actually. Somehow we managed to. To do it, and it's not gross. It was not easy, though. I will say a lot of instant coffee doesn't have the best flavor, but this instant coffee is genuinely tasty and it's so easy to throw in your bag. I would recommend you try that out. Anyway, that's all I got. Thank you guys for listening. I can't wait to talk to you next week. Until then. I'm rooting for you and I love you. Alright, talk soon. Bye y'all.