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But hi guys, welcome back to my podcast. Anything goes. I hope you all are staying safe. And taking care of yourselves, this has been a very confusing and upsetting few weeks. And I bet a lot of you guys like me have been inside a lot, if not all the time. And I know personally it's kind of upsetting me a little bit, like. Not only is it upsetting what's going on around us, but also being inside can create a lot of anxiety on top of all of that. So it's just kind of so many things piling up on each other and, you know, you're worried about your friends and family. And if you're like me and you don't live at home, you know, I'm not with my family. I'm alone in Los Angeles. So it's been very it's a tough time right now. So. I just wanted to say I'm thinking of all of you and I'm praying for all of you and we're going to get through this together and I love you all. And on that note, let's get into our 6th episode. I believe it's our 6th episode. I am currently recording from home, which is so weird because I'm used to being in a studio and now I'm in the comfort of my own home and it's so odd. And I'm using like a portable microphone and it's weird. It's weird not having somebody else in the room. While recording, but we're going to make the most of it. My cats are. Making loud sounds in the background. If you can hear that, I apologize. If not this microphone. Deserves a Nobel Peace Prize for not picking up that sound anyway. Well, today we're gonna be talking about. An Instagram meltdown that I had a few weeks ago, maybe a few months ago now, that I think is like something that people don't like. I would never normally talk about this. But I feel like it's a good thing to talk about and. You know, this podcast is a great opportunity for me to talk about this **** that I don't want to talk about anywhere else. So. I'm going to open up to you guys about it and maybe we can find a way to learn from it together, because I don't know if I've necessarily learned from it yet. Because it was kind of recent, so. Alright, so basically one night I was on Tik T.O.K per usual and on my for you page which is like the Explorer page if you don't, if you're not aware of take talk or you don't have an account. Basically just for you page is like an Explorer page where the Tik T.O.K algorithm just gives you videos that they think you'd want to watch and you can scroll through them and it's fun, whatever. I spent a lot of my evenings doing that. It's not help good or healthy but here we are, I'm scrolling through my tick tock for you page and suddenly a video of a guy comes up where he's like. These are the prettiest girls I've ever seen. And by some ******* miracle, I end up on this list with the rest of these women. I'm super honored. I was like, wow, that is so sweet. Like, I definitely don't like, that's really, it was. I was really. It really made me feel good. I was like, wow, that's so nice. And that normally doesn't happen. I've been seeing those videos go around and I've never been in one. So I was in one this time and I was like, wow, that's really sweet. And it was nice. And kind of out of impulse, I end up clicking the comments section to see what people are commenting on this video. And majority of the comments on this video were basically saying, why would you put Emma in this? Emma is not pretty. Emma is actually quite ugly. She doesn't shower, she's gross, she looks like an 11 year old, basically like the meanest **** you can imagine is what all these people were saying about me. In the comments and naturally I was quite upset. And so, kind of in a stream of consciousness, I don't even think I realized what I was doing. I end up going to my Instagram and kind of looking through and being like, I wonder what people are seeing of me because, you know, none of these people have met me in real life. And even on video, people look different. Everybody looks different when you meet them in person. I was like, what do people perceive of me through my Instagram? So I start going through my Instagram and I'm looking at all my photos and I start nitpicking. Every single photo, every single one. I'm like. I wanted to delete my whole Instagram. I literally wanted to go through and archive every single photo. I was like, I don't even want to have a public image anymore if I'm being judged. This hard by. Thousands of people on take talk. I mean, it was thousands of comments on this kids take talk calling me ugly. I was like, I don't even wanna be on social media. In general, if this is like the type of response I'm getting, like YouTube is one thing, but like you know, Instagram is very. Looks based, right? It's like, you know you want to have like, I know for me, like that's where I go to post photos of me where I think that I look not as bad as usual. I also post stuff that's fun and **** but like, you know, that's the place that I go to, like, post cool outfits. You get what I'm saying? So I was like, I don't even want to have an Instagram if this is the type of response I'm going to be getting. Like, that's so upsetting. So I end up going through my Instagram and I archived probably 50 photos. And I cried. And I'd stared at myself in the mirror for a few hours. Maybe an hour on and off, I would like look at myself in the mirror and then I'd go lay down and I would think. And then I went back to the mirror and I'd look again. And it was this, like terrifying feeling of like. Holy **** like. A lot of people ******* think I'm ugly, and I don't think you realize that. That's like, it's like, so bizarre. It's like it was such a bizarre feeling because I'd never had that. I'd never seen that many people at once think that I'm ugly. Like, yeah, here and there it it pops up. But, you know, it's usually, it's usually interspersed with like some nice comments as well. But no, every comment on this tick Tock was calling me ugly, and it was so upsetting. And. It affected me for a few days, like my self-esteem was down and I've struggled with body dysmorphia in the past, and when things like that happen, it can. Trigger that for me a little bit more. You know where I look in the mirror and, you know, everything looks different or worse than it would normally, and it morphs, I morph, into somebody I don't even know who I am and then, you know, I don't like. It's like so weird. Like I can look at myself in the mirror. And then, you know, an hour later I look in the mirror again and I look completely different. Sometimes I look like I gained £10. Lost ten. Like I have more acne than I have, like, ever. It's so weird, but it's like everything. It's almost like. A filter comes on when I look in the mirror every time and I never know what I actually look like. So this was just so triggering for me because at the time I actually thought, you know, my skin looked good and I felt like I was in. I've been taking care of myself. And so it was like, holy ****. And nobody else sees that. Or cares about that. They are just, they just think I'm ******* ugly. I don't know. I think that. Social media just it's so focused on looks and appearance. It's sad how it's not about personality when it comes to things like Instagram or even Tik T.O.K. Like, I feel like on Twitter and YouTube, it's more about personality. But on like Instagram and Tik T.O.K and stuff like that, it's all about looks. And it's kind of ******* unfair, because. There's nothing I can do about it. I think that's like the part of where that's where the impending doom feeling comes in. It's the part where it's like, this is my face. I can't really do anything about it. I was born with it. My nose is where my nose is, and my eyes is where my my eyes are, where my eyes are, and my hair is the color that it is. And my lips look the way that they look. And my face is shaped the way that my face is shaped and my body is shaped the way with my body is shaped, and there's nothing I can ******* do about it. And that's a really weird feeling. And there's two ways you can look at it. If you're in a bad mindset, you can look at it in a way of, well, I can't change this. I'm ******. But then you can also look at it in a way where it's like, well, there's nothing I can do with it, so I'm just gonna enjoy it for what it is. Sadly, it's a lot harder to do the latter. Obviously that only that whole episode only really affected me for a little bit. It wasn't like a long term. It's not like it's affecting me now, like it affected me for maybe a week and then I was over it, but it definitely took a toll on me. I just wanted to tell that story to kind of maybe give you guys some perspective in a sense on like, you know, who knows, maybe you guys receive comments. That are negative, whether it's in real life or on the Internet or wherever. Maybe you guys have experienced this. I just want to let you know you're not alone. I feel the same thing, and it happens to me and it happens to everybody else, you know? But. You know, maybe if you are somebody who leaves comments on people's photos or makes comments to people's faces, I mean, I can't imagine doing that, but it happens because it it obviously happens. Maybe you're somebody who's done that before or you do that. Especially to somebody who maybe their job is to be on social media, which is the grossest way to describe it. And I hate saying that, but like, you know, some people it is their job. And maybe you leave comments on people's stuff and assume that nobody's going to see it. I, you know, well, we do see it and it sucks ***. 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First time I ever got my photo taken. For press was at the Streamy Awards. I believe it was in 2018. Hand. You know, I was not very used to this whole thing, yet I had never been on any form of a red carpet or any kind of. I don't know what they call it's like red carpet. But then there's also, like the photo line. I don't know what you call it, but anyway, I've never done that before and it was my first time, and I remember it was my first time doing it, like, in a serious way. I had done a few other, like, events, small events that had a similar thing, but like, this was my first big event that had a red carpet where there was photos being taken of you, etcetera. And I remember I was so nervous. I was like, I really don't want to do this. And I asked if I didn't have to do it. And at first the answer was, yeah, you don't have to do it. But then suddenly they're like, please. Please do it. And I was like, OK, so I ended up, you know, you stand on the red carpet and you pose and they take photos of you, and you basically have no control over what photos they choose or whatever. They just post them on the Getty Images website and that's that. So it's very final, right? So you better do a good job. Well, I did the worst job possible. I had no idea how to pose. And one of the Getty Images that they ended up choosing was a photo of me in between poses I was moving. And it is the most traumatizing and ugly photo I've ever seen of myself. Press outlets have actually used this photo many times since during like articles or during like drama like news videos. It's a photo that continues to be used by media outlets. OK, it never I never get to live it down. It's permanently there. When I saw this photo for the first time, I. Cried for literally two days. I was like, is there any way we can get this taken down? Like, I'm I hate this photo. It's the worst photo of me I've ever seen. I never want to see it again. Please, can we just delete it? I will pay someone like I like. Just get this photo off of the Internet, please. No, no, no. That was not an option. And I was mortified, OK? It killed me and you know, I got over it. Now I can laugh about it. It's been long enough, but. That wasn't the end of it. That wasn't the end of it. Ever since. Getty Images have just kind of been the death of me. Like, it just never makes me look good. Something about it, I just look so bad and I feel like I'm the only one because most people look amazing in these Getty Images. I don't know why it is, but I just look so ******* bad in them. And it makes me feel it's so exhausting because, you know, I go to these events and I'm so excited and I'm so excited about my outfit and about my makeup. And then these photos get taken to me and I go and I look at them and every time I hate them. I think there's maybe even three of them that I actually like. The rest have made me really, really, really insecure and self-conscious. And it sucks because I just want to feel confident in these photos because they're, you know, cool and they're professionally taken and it'd be nice to be able to use them and post them. And sometimes I'm able to, but usually I hate them so then I can't even use them and I it's upsetting. Most recently, I was at a fashion show and I was so excited about my makeup and my hair and all of that, and I don't think I've ever. I was so mortified by those photos, but different than the last few times, I didn't cry about it. I was just like, you know what? I know that that doesn't matter. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. And so I got over it. I got over it in probably 2 hours, which was a record speed for me. But, you know, I'm still getting better at that kind of whole element of like. It not being in my control, I'm I'm still, I'm still getting better but. I'm getting there, so I just wanted to vent about that a little bit. Another thing that's kind of in the same vein of all of this. Is I remember one time I did a shoot with a company. And it was a bathing suit shoot. And at the time when we did this bathing suit shoot, it was the winter time and I was not, I wasn't in as good of shape. As I, you know, would like to be necessarily, and I hadn't been exercising as much and I was fine with it. It didn't bother me and I did this bathing suit shoot with this company. And I remember some there was some behind the scenes photos that were put out by the company where I I didn't know that I was getting my picture taken, so they were not. I didn't know about it, so I wasn't like posing properly, as one said, as one would say. Like I wasn't posing like I was relaxing, so I didn't look as flattering as I would have if I was aware that a photo was being taken of me and I was standing with good posture and all that, and this photo gets released. And some people get ahold of it and they start reposting it, and they were talking about how I had gained weight. I remember I was on a trip with one of my friends at the time, and I'm in the car with them, and I start breaking down, bawling, crying. Because. I had never had anybody comment on my weight before, and that was my biggest insecurity is like I've always been really. I've struggled with eating disorders in the past, I've struggled with body dysmorphia and so having someone. Comment on my weight gain that I hadn't even really noticed at the time or maybe just didn't really want it. I mean, it just wasn't really important to me, which was a huge, huge step for me because, I mean, I've had issues with eating since I was younger. And so having somebody comment on that and having a bunch of people comment on that, now I'd gained weight, it took me back like 15 steps, you know what I mean? I was in a pretty good place with my body. It wasn't. It wasn't great, but it was better than where it had been before and so having people comment on it sent me down a spiral. It still kind of makes me sick to my stomach. It's so upsetting for me. And I think the moral of all these depressing *** stories, sorry, these are like really upsetting. *** **** it. I'm so sorry. I didn't know I was going to go here today, but I just kind of wanted like, I don't know, now I started to talk about it and I feel like I want to show this vulnerability and I want to tell these stories because this is stuff that happens to all of us and I don't want. Like, I've always wanted to tell these stories and it just never felt like the right time. Because it was too recent or it was too real, but now I feel like. It's time. It just feels right. So here we are and we're telling the story. Anyway, those were all things that had happened that have happened a while ago. I've definitely improved since then. I feel like I'm a lot less hard on myself about what the Internet says. When I know there's a potential that some comments might be negative about my appearance, I just avoid reading the comments. And you know, I feel like my recovery time is getting quicker. It's like, OK, something might kind of hurt me for a few minutes, but I can get over it quicker than I used to. It used to cripple me for like days, and now it only really upsets me for maybe a few hours. So I think it's just kind of. Taking that pain that you feel when those things happen and turning it into just turning it into strength, you know what I mean? Turning it into once you get through that a few times, it's like once you know that you can get through it, then when it happens again, you know that you're you can get through it again. You know what I mean? It's just training yourself to be resilient towards stuff like that. And it's an ongoing journey, and I'm still learning, you know? But if you're going through that **** just know that I'm here, I'm right here and I'm right here next to you, and I'm right here and I'm right here next to you and I'm right here. And I'm right here next to you now. I'm right here. I'm with you, dude. And I feel you and I. It happens to everybody. Clothes are one of the many ways that we express ourselves and we're constantly switching up our wardrobes. To reflect our interests and styles. But one thing that is a little bit more difficult to switch up is our glasses. Until now, because now with pair eyewear. You can have a different frame every day, OK? With pair eyewear, you start with a chic pair of glasses, right? That look great just by themselves, but they have a special secret. Which is that they have at little. Magnet inside so you can snap on. A cool frame on top of your existing glasses. I got the crystal clear Reese base frame which is just a really chic pair of all clear glasses. The frame is clear obviously the lenses are clear and I got a tortoise frame and a Plaid frame so I can now it. Basically I have 3 pairs of reading glasses now. There are so many options, iconic base shapes and then all sort of frames to go on top retro classic neon sparkle. You'll definitely find your vibe I also love. Buying from a brand that really, really cares and pair provides glasses to a child in need for every pair that you buy. Get glasses as ever, changing as you are with pear. Go to pair eyewear com Emma for 15% off your first purchase. That's 15% off at PAIR eyewear.com/emma. Another thing I want to talk about social media and how it affects my self-esteem personally is, I mean, this has been discussed a lot, but I think that I want to put my little two cents in just kind of the whole fake element of social media and all of that. Just the ability to edit. Photos and the ability to. I mean, even get surgeries to change your body, stuff like that, all of that being fine. I don't judge if you want to face in a photo, if you wanna get whatever, if you wanna change elements of your body. I totally don't judge, but personally I haven't because I don't want to. But it's so hard sometimes not to, because I know that I would feel better about my lips if I got lip injections. I know that for a fact. And sometimes I wish I could, and I can. Actually, I could if I wanted to. I wish that like it would solve the problem. Like I wish that that would solve the problem. I know it won't. I still kind of want it sometimes, but I know it won't solve the problem and I've never. A lot of people think that I got lip injections because my lips get swollen when they get chapped and right now I'm on Accutane, which is an acne medication as everybody knows. I talk about it every 5 minutes, but that makes my lips really dry. It makes everything dry for that matter. And so my lips get really dry and they get puffy and then it looks like I have big lips, but really it's just they're inflamed. So I mean it's not bad. I don't even hate it. I don't hate when they get. Inflamed and puffy. Kind of is like, it's a great selfie opportunity. But to be honest, but I do not have injections. I've never gotten injections of any kind. But it is tempting, and it's hard because it's hard not to want to do that when you see some other people do it and you're like, Oh my God, they look so good and I wish I could do it. If that's something you want to do, go for it. If you think that that's something that's true to you and, you know, whenever, go for it. But if you don't feel like it's true to you, try to like me. You know, I don't feel like that's something that's true to me. And doing that would kind of be going against who I am, in a sense. And I don't want to do that. So just know that, like, it's that's not what it's all about, you know? And I'm still trying to teach myself that, but. You don't need to change things about yourself. To fit in. If it's not something that feels right to you, don't. Don't feel like you need to. Do something like that to fit in. Like, that's kind of how I felt. Not, not fit in, but like fit in with like, what's good looking in the ******* public eye, whatever the **** that means. And it's all subjective. It's like beauty is so subjective. And, you know, there might be some stereotype for what's beautiful, I guess, right now, but that will change again. And basically what I'm trying to say is, like, there's this. I feel this pressure sometimes to, like, be as good looking as I can. And if that means changing something about my face, sometimes I get tempted to do that. Which is not something that's true to me, and it is upsetting. So I'm learning to not feel that feeling anymore. I think also LA doesn't help because LA is very normalized here. So it's tough. It's tough not to do that, but I will. I can promise you that when I'm in my 60s, I will probably have Botox, but I'll save that for when I'm 60. All right, moving on. I think it would be kind of cool. I don't think we can do voicemails this episode because. I am recording from home and usually I have my producer provide those for me, so can't really do that today. Sorry about that, but we're going to do some Twitter questions. The Twitter is at AG podcast. If you want to go follow it or tweet us questions, check that out. You know, do your thing. OK, so the first question is, do you care about Instagram likes? Surprisingly, no. Like I care about a lot of things, I'm self-conscious about a lot of things. But randomly enough. I'm not too concerned about Instagram likes and I don't know why that is. I don't know if it's just because for me Instagram is fun. I just like to post my outfits and post cool photos that I think are cool and like connect with you guys in a sense and whatever. I don't really and see what other people are doing as well. I don't really care about the likes. I I just never have to be honest. Numbers for me, I've never mattered as much as like I'm more concerned about forming a. Positive and happy community. I don't really care about the numbers as long as the actual community itself is positive and uplifting and everybody's being kind and ****. I don't really care about how many people are there as long as majority of the people who are there are good people, kind people and supportive people. So that's what I'm more concerned with. The next question is how does social media affect your daily mood? I think social media. Can affect my mood if I'm on it too much, as it does for everybody. It's really easy for me to become disconnected from like my soul. If I'm like on Tik T.O.K too much on YouTube, too much on Instagram, too much, and I'm not going outside, I'm not living in the moment. I'm not doing things that are creative. It can easily make me super anxious. It does this to my family as well. I know my dad and my mom have said the same thing, mainly my dad, but it can make me anxious. I've had panic attacks before from just being on social media too much. It creates this false sense of reality, like you start to feel like all of the things that you're looking at actually matter. But none of it ******* matters. None of it matters what ******* Cynthia posted on her Instagram. The fact that she's in the Bahamas and she's swimming with dolphins. You start to think that that matters. It starts taking up space in your brain and then, you know, next, you know, you're seeing how Joshua and Jamie are now on their 7th month of their relationship and they're doing better than ever, ever, and they're so in love. Then, you know, you take that into account. You're like, wow, like that sucks. Like I'm single as **** whatever. And it's just like all of that stuff starts taking up space in your brain. And you can't really think about anything else clearly until you have some time to separate yourself from your phone. It's like it starts to fill your brain with **** that's not important, but you start to think that it's important and it's taking up this unnecessary mental real estate that could be used for something creative that would make you feel calm, happy, fulfilled. That's when social media affects me in a negative way, when I'm going on social media in little bursts here and there to connect with you guys, to connect with my friends, to see what everybody's up to. And then I put my phone down. And I spend time with people or do things that are creative or do things that are healthy for my body, whatever. That's when social media can be healthy because I have this balance and the only effect it has on me is that I'm seeing what my homies are doing or what you guys are up to. And that stuff that is actually makes me feel good and and make it's like enjoyable, right? And it doesn't have a negative effect. So it's about managing that. And once you can manage it, it's actually, it's actually kind of a beautiful thing, but you know, during times like this, especially when we're all. Kind of staying home and and we. You know, can't really be around as many people. And it's like harder to find things to do. It's like really easy to fall into those. Unhealthy social media habits. So I'm praying for all of you guys that you guys aren't. You know that you guys aren't going, you guys aren't going on your phone too much, and you're not getting too anxious. Somebody asked me how long did it take you to finally stop taking mean comments to heart? Sadly. I still occasionally will take mean comments to heart. I definitely have a way thicker skin and. And just in such a better place with all that like it takes so much more to upset me. It's but it's an ongoing journey. I will never ever be there. I'll always, it's always going to. I'll never reach the point where none of it matters to me. Like, I I think being a human means that what other people think of you or if they think something negative about you, that's always going to be upsetting. I'm sorry, but it's a matter of, like, how quickly you can recover, what you do with the comment. You know how you react. Right? Like, now, if I get a mean comment, it might upset me for a little bit, but I know now. OK, Emma, this is time to put your phone down and do something creative, right? Or talk to somebody that you love and get yourself out of that headspace so I know how to get myself out of it quicker. But I also think that less comments bother me, like it has to be something pretty ******* mean to bother me at this point. OK, so if I were to host a live radio show and I could play any music I wanted, I would honestly probably have the time of my Life OK, but I'll admit I would probably end up playing. Just sad music. I don't know what it is about me, but I love sad music, OK? And so I'd probably end up playing. A lot of sad music. Specifically for the people who are listening in the car by themselves. That want to shed a tear in a good way? Well now there is a place that I or you or anyone can host a live show. Amp is the platform that allows people to come together and create live, unfiltered radio shows with whatever music or content that they love. And this is like a real show where you can have people listening live and you can pick exactly which songs to play, and you can even have fans calling in to chat while you're on air. If I had a live show, I would definitely. Have people call in and ask me for dating advice honestly, so I think I'd have to do dating advice. You know what this actually sounds like the perfect radio show. Sad music combined with dating advice, because all of the shows on AMP are run by real people. You can tell that the playlists are authentic. A playlist generated automatically just sounds different than one that an individual is controlling based on their passions and tastes. And with 10s of millions of licensed songs to choose from, everyone will find the music that appeals to them. But it's not just music. You can have a talk show, or react to news, or riff on pop culture, and that's one of the best parts about being a podcast host. You can just riff. On whatever. Excites your mind on any given day. So download AMP today in the App Store. That's amp or ask Alexa to play amp. Next question somebody has which social media platform is the worst for bullying and portraying hate? Weirdly, I think YouTube right now is a little bit negative. I've noticed a lot of negative comments on YouTube, whereas on Tik T.O.K and Instagram and Twitter I feel like things are pretty good, at least from what I've seen. I mean, at least with me, obviously there's negativity on all platforms. I've seen Tik T.O.K be a really toxic. Platform, I'm more referring to comments on my stuff. I know that earlier I said that there was negative comments about me on somebody else's tick tock, but I'm not really referring to that. I'm more referring to my comment section personally. I feel like. YouTube has been kind of the toughest critics recently. And that's alright. Keeps me. It keeps a fire under my *** to keep going. The next question is, do you ever regret having your whole life online I? Have moments of like impulsiveness, if that's a word. Impulsiveness, that's a bit. I don't know. That might be stretching, stretching the vocabulary here, but I have moments where I break down. And I stay things, or feel things that are kind of impulsive. And sometimes I do have moments where, like, I'm really weak and I'm like, I wish I never even started this. I just wish I could have a normal life. I wish I never whatever. But it never lasts more than an hour. And usually I end up coming out the other side of my breakdown, feeling weirdly gratefulness. Like, you know, I'm able to be like, you know what? OK, there are some tough parts, but I wouldn't want my life any anything. Like, I wouldn't want it any other way, right. So maybe 99% of the time I am just kind of, I'm just grateful and kind of rolling with it. But sometimes I get to a breaking point as humans do and I kind of wish that it never happened, but it also happened for a reason and I have to trust that. Do you get validation? From followers and subscribers. I sadly don't really get not sadly. That's actually a good thing. I don't know why I said. Sadly, I don't get validation from followers. Or subscribers, I think in the beginning when I very first started I, you know, for me subscribers. Kind of were telling me that I should keep going with YouTube and keep going with social media and all that and that was kind of validation that like what I was doing was. Useful for people or enjoyable for people to watch, and that was really useful. And now it definitely still does that as well. It reminds me that, you know, I have you guys and we have you have me and we have each other and it's like a community and it's amazing. And so it's like validation that what I'm doing is kind of worth it because I have that. But it's not like validation, like in an egotistical way, like I do. It doesn't like boost my ego at all. It just reminds, it just validates my decision to begin and continue to work on what I do, you know? So. I when it comes to validation, I more need that from my the people and my very close life, because those are people that know me and I know them and I trust them. Somebody said what hate comments hurt the most when you see them. I would say the comments that hurt me the most are probably the ones that just say that. I've lost my spark to them in a sense, like saying, like, oh, I used to love you and now you annoy me, or like, I used to love you and now, like, you've changed and **** like that because, you know, I mean, I think a lot of people who do similar things to me or on YouTube or whatever or on any social media platform, it's like for me, I've been so proud of my growth and how I've evolved. And so people not agreeing with that, it stinks because they don't agree with me, they don't agree that my growth. Is great or like? A good thing. They think that it's negative, and that sucks because I disagree, but it also makes me question myself and where I'm going with my life. Are they right? You know, am I not as good of a person? Am I like more annoying now? Whatever. Like, are the videos I make less genuine? Like, whatever. And that's when I go to my friends and family, especially my parents. And just say, like, I feel like I'm being more myself than ever. I feel like I'm more connected with everybody that I everybody that watches my videos than ever. What do you think? Like do you think I've I've changed in a negative way, am I losing it? Am I losing my mind? Like am I losing touch? And, you know, my parents will be like, they'll help me through and they'll be like, no, I don't think you are. Or maybe yes, you are, which usually, usually I'm. I feel like I've done pretty well so far with that. But those comments affect me the most because I feel like they're aware of something that I'm not. But I think what it really is is that they're just misreading me and my growth. Somebody asked me, what's your real opinion about the whole showering joke? Oh God, this. Why does this never end? It's like ******* Oh my God. So basically a long time ago I made a joke on my Snapchat story, basically saying like my mom was in the car with me and I was making a joke. About how, like, my mom was telling me to shower and how I didn't want to and that hygiene was up to me and I didn't need to shower if I didn't want to. Whatever. Totally a joke. But everybody. Basically, the haters got a hold of this and they were basically like started this whole rumor that I don't shower and that I have bad hygiene and all that. And at first it was funny to me because I was like. Are you guys really not getting this joke? I was like, it's so ******* obvious by my tone that I'm kidding, but like everybody apparently took me seriously when in fact I shower every single day and. Most of my friends say smell pretty good. So it was kind of upsetting because it was just like I was getting all this negative attention about something that's just not even true. And also, even if it was true, who ******* cares? None of you guys are smelling me, so who gives a ****? I was like, it's just, it was so dumb. That's what ****** me up about ****** me off about it. I was like, it's just so unnecessary. That is what ****** me off about it. But obviously I'm over it now. Like, whatever. I'll probably I should make like, no shower merch. That would be kind of funny. Oh my God, that's genius. See, every something good comes out of everything. Somebody asked me, how do you cope with all the negativity? You get thrown at you. I know I've kind of touched on this earlier, but I wanted to talk about it in a broader sense. More of like just negativity on all on all ends. Like, from any point, like whether it's drama or rumors or hate comments, like, whatever. All of it. In general, how do I deal with all of it as a whole? Because, you know, every single day I see **** about me that's not good. I also see a lot of **** about me that's super nice and really nice and super sweet, and that's the majority of what I see. But at the same time, you know, I don't think a day goes by where I don't see at least one thing about me that's negative. As does anybody who's on the Internet. Do this thing recently. Most of the time I do this. Sometimes I crack and I end U reading. I end up digging in and reading **** about me, but usually if I see like let's say I'm on my explore page on YouTube. Right. And on my homepage, this happens to me all the time. I'll be on my YouTube homepage and there'll be a video about me. On the home page that is negative. Like something like Emma Chamberlain doesn't shower? Uh-oh, stinky. That's a great title example. OK, let's say that's my. Explore page. I will literally refresh the page immediately to not even allow myself to click, not even allow myself to think of it, not even allow me. I won't even let myself think about it. I just refresh and act like it never happened. If I refresh again and there's another hate video about me, I refresh again and I continue to act like I did not see it. And if you act like you didn't see something, it's actually pretty easy to forget about it. I end up forgetting about it probably 5 minutes later, and I don't even remember that I saw that video on my homepage if I click in it on it and if I let it consume me. Then yeah, it's gonna bother me. It's gonna upset me, but I just try to not let it. I just try not to lean into it. If you don't lean into it, it's it's so much less significant in your mind. So that's what I usually do there, but, you know, sometimes late at night. I'll end up clicking and then I cry and then I have to call my dad or my mom and then the whole thing is a mess. But usually we do OK. OK, I think I'm going to be done with questions for the day and I'm actually going to talk about something that I've been doing on my Instagram recently. So recently on my Instagram I have decided to no longer edit my photos. I never really, I never used facetune or anything to edit my photos. I never like changed anything about myself in my photos right? I would only use like filters from VISCO or whatever and I'd tweak the color of my photos. I've decided I am stopping that. Altogether, I refuse to touch my photos now. I don't want to edit them. I don't want to put a filter on them. I don't want to put. I'm not going to do anything to my photo. I'm literally going to take it straight out of my camera roll and post it. And that's what I've been doing recently and I feel like it's been. I just want to be completely honest. Like I don't wanna change anything about my photos anymore and. I feel like it's been really fun actually. I'm gonna go on my Instagram real quick. I actually posted a photo. The other day, I'm wearing a Navy blue jacket, Navy blue crew neck with a turtleneck under it and a brown jacket and white jeans and them standing next to a bunch of green stuff like plants. And if you zoom in on my forehead. You can see that I have. Acne on my forehead and kind of around my nose area and a little bit on my cheeks and you can see it. And I'm not going to lie, it was kind of tempting not to edit that out. By like, you know, putting some grain on the photo or adding a filter that kind of smooths everything out like, whatever was hard for me not to do that, but I've just decided that I'm ******* sick and tired of it and I don't care. I don't care anymore. It doesn't matter. You know, the point of that photo is not about whether or not my skin looks perfect. It's about I just wanted to. Share my outfit. To be honest, that's kind of what Instagram is for me. Is that weird? If you really think about it, Instagram for me is about sharing an outfit. Usually it's kind of funny, like whenever I wear, I'm wearing an outfit that I like. I'm like I have to put on my Instagram. I don't know why I do that. I think because I like to document it like it's my diary of good outfits that I appreciate from myself. Which is weird. It's a weird concept, but anyways. So that's what I've been doing on Instagram. Makes me feel good. I'm just, I feel like it. I feel good about just putting everything out there, you know? Anyway. Before I end this episode, I wanted to tell you about my *******. Day-to-day. I've filmed 2 videos and I'm now recording a podcast. I've never been this productive in one day. I can't believe it. I'm thrilled. So sorry that today's topic was so depressing, but I still had a good day though. I mean, I got a lot of **** done. Feels good for me to get **** done sometimes. I need to. Need to do that, but anyway. This was weird. Talking to myself for 48 minutes. It was odd. It's odd. It's odd because I'm not used to that. I normally have somebody else in the room when I record these, so it's so weird. But anyway, on that note again, I hope you guys are all staying safe. And healthy and staying inside and taking care of your loved ones and. Just staying tough. I also hope that, you know, this may be made you feel a little bit less alone when it comes to your insecurities. We all have them OK and next week maybe I'll come back with a with a more happy topic. Because I feel guilty about being this depressing, but that's what this podcast is about. Anything goes, so it's fine. Yeah, I love you all. Enjoy your day. And. That's that, OK. Love you all. Sweet dreams. He he.