Anything Goes with Emma Chamberlain

Emma prefers to share her thoughts with a microphone rather than a physical human being, so thank god she has a podcast. Recorded from the comfort of her bed, Emma talks at length about whatever is on her mind every week. Anything really does go on this podcast. Sometimes philosophy, sometimes a random story from 10 years ago, sometimes advice, and sometimes nothing at all. You never know what you are going to get, but that’s what keeps it interesting. New episodes every Thursday.



Thu, 27 Feb 2020 11:00

This week, Emma takes on the tricky topic of relationships. She gets into some of her past relationships, and how to deal with tough breakups and heartbreak. Plus, why you should consider being friends first, the importance of having time to yourself, and why having different views than your significant other isn’t a bad thing. Plus, she answers questions and gives some advice to fans on their relationship situations. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: Learn more about your ad choices. Visit

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Like just why did I say it like that? Let's start over. Don't cut it out though. This key is keeping me real with y'all. Hi guys, it's Emma Chamberlain. Welcome to anything goes. It's our second episode and I'm feeling amazing. Let's just hop right into it, because I feel like we're going to be here all day today with this topic, and I think the sooner we start, the better. So today we're talking about relationships, not friendships, relationships, dating, all of that. Which is weird because I've literally never talked about this in my life. I'm going to say this right off the top. I'm not going to be talking about this is going to be very broad, so I'm not. Going to talk about my actual relationships that I've been in before, just because that's not the way I roll as we know. If you know me a little bit, I'm not. I like to keep my relationships private, but I do think that relationships are important to talk about, and I've always wanted to talk about them online because weirdly enough, I have this weird fascination with relationships and since I was younger, I don't know. OK, not to get like. Dark, but like, I don't know if it's because my parents were divorced when I was a kid, so I've always just been hyper focused about relationship. I'm not sure. I just feel like I've always been so interested in relationships and why people choose who they choose and why things don't work and why people do the things that they do. And it's always been something that's been so interesting to me. So I'm excited to talk about it in a Broadway. Obviously I'm like, this is broad guys, very broad. Like I'm scared I'm showing a little bit of fear. Here, because this is not something that I normally discuss, but I am kind of excited because this is something I talk about with my friends literally every day, all day, all the time. I don't know what it is, but driving around at night and talking about relationships seems to be the go to for me and my friends. I also am my friend's relationship therapists. I'm not kidding. It's funny because I I remember when I was younger I would give all my friends relationship advice. They would always come to me. I was the girl that gave the relationship advice, but what was funny about it is I had never had a boyfriend before. So I don't know why I had all this good advice, but I did. And so people went to me for that. It's almost like how the coach doesn't play, you know what I mean? That was me for a while there, so that was kind of funny. But anyway, so now that you kind of know my background, I am my friends guru when it comes to that. Actually, we're kind of all each other's guru. Anyway, so the first thing I want to talk about with relationships and dating and all that is kind of what I just said, how when I was younger I would give everybody advice, but I had actually never dated anybody. Or really even spoken to a boy at that point, it feels like, so I had this issue when I was younger where I felt like such **** for never having a boyfriend, right? Because everybody, let's talk about high school here. It was like, you know, everybody freshman year had boyfriends and whatever. And, you know, all my friends, they all had boyfriends. And I was like. So where the **** is mine? Dude, that's kind of ******. And I felt so bad about myself. And weirdly, when I was 16A straight up and I had never had a boyfriend, I was like, Oh my God, I'm literally going to never get married and never have a family. Like, I can't believe this. Like, I'm so screwed. I'm never going to find anybody. How am I supposed to, like, you know, learn about what being in a relationship means if I've never been in one and I'm 16 and I'm getting so old? I literally thought that when I was 16. Now I'm 18. So I'm still basically the. Exact same age. I put so much pressure on myself to try to like find a boyfriend when I was in high school, right? And it kind of made me really miserable. I remember going to, you know, high school parties and just like trying to talk to guys and like if I would, you know, if I didn't end up clicking with any of them, I would be super hard on myself and then I and then sometimes I wouldn't click with them at all. But I would like kind of try to force it and be like, OK, maybe I'll like, maybe I'll like him like I would basically try to like. Convince myself I liked, said said boy. So that I could potentially date him and get over my, get that over with, get the first boyfriend over with, right? And like, that's just like, I don't regret it because I think it taught me a lot now that I'm older. I'll explain why in a SEC. But you know, in the moment, it made me kind of miserable. And I wish that everybody told me to. Everybody's like, dude, there's no rush, but I just felt like I was missing out on something. I was like, dude, I must be like, this **** looks hella fun. I was like, Oh my God, having a boyfriend, so cute, like, go to the beach together. He like, I don't know, whatever. Like, I had, you know, it sounded great in theory. And so I was like, you know, I I just felt left out and I felt like I was running out of time. But that's not how it works, you know. Being a teen for some reason, I feel like a lot of teens feel like they run out of there, like running out of time, and need to find their soulmate in high school or something. That's just not how it works. Like I can tell you, I truly thought I would never find anybody, like, ever that I could even like, like fully like, even like be interested in fully. And that has happened to me quite a few times in my life. It didn't in high school, but it did after that and I would have never believed it. I was like, there's no chance nobody like. Nobody gets me. No, I'm kidding. But like, I just didn't click with anybody and that's OK you know what I mean? And being true with yourself, being honest with yourself about that is super important because it can be kind of damaging if if you're not like for example, I I dated a kid for two weeks in in high school. I hope he's not listening to this, but if he is, what's up? You know who you are, dude. And like, I was just like so young and like just was like, I feel like I need to have a boyfriend. I don't know. So I like I dated this kid for like 2 weeks. And I just was not emotionally ready to be in any form of a relationship at all. It was not mature enough. I was not like, whatever. And so it just ended up being ****** because then I had to be like, I don't. I don't think I can do this because I just wasn't in that place and then it just ended up. I don't even think. I don't think we were friends after that for a while. And that's kind of ****** you know what I mean? Because it's like, why did I need to take it there? It was just because I wanted a boyfriend so bad. And then I kind of ruined a friendship. So there's that. Speaking of friendship, my dad. She's told me this growing up, the best thing, like, it's almost better. Like when you like somebody in a way, being friends with them is almost better than dating them. And I used to be like, what are you saying right now? I was like, what do you mean? Like, that doesn't make any sense at all to me. And then I got older and I completely get it because dating people is a completely different situation than being friends with them. When you're friends with them, it's so there's no responsibility. There's no, I mean, there is, but it's very small. Issues just inevitably arise when you're dating. Like, inevitably, I mean, you could be the chillest person on planet Earth and somehow one person in the relationship is going to get upset about this and then another one's going to be like, you know, why didn't you do this? Or, you know, you need to start doing this and like, whatever, it's just inevitable. And being friends with people, I think is 50 times better most of the time. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes when you know when the feelings mutual new date, that's great. But like. People, I think, don't realize how special being friends with somebody that you really care about like that is. Especially if you are going to date them eventually. I think being friends before you date is huge like. I've. Done both. Like, I've been friends with people before, I've dated them, and I've not been friends with people. Like I've started dating people kind of immediately. I've done both scenarios multiple times. And I can say, based off of my data that the situation is 90 times better if you're friends first, for sure. I think it just is like you already know you're getting yourself into. It's not like weird things come up that you weren't expecting about their personality. Like there's comfort there that wouldn't have been there otherwise. I just think being friends is really important. My dad, weirdly, my dad gives me the best dating advice. I think that's why I'm the friend relationship therapist, because my dad gives me the best advice and I just relay it like it's my own. Sorry, dad, but whatever. I mean, at least I'm like learning in like putting your knowledge to use, right. It's great. We should write a book. Oh my God. Hello. Writing a book about relationships, just getting nobody read it. And also everybody has probably already written books about what I'm saying right now, but that's OK. My dad always told me he's like before. You ever date a guy? Imma be friends with him for three months. After that, date him, but before 3 months you're going to make, you're going to regret it. And. Yeah, that it definitely can be tough because I think, I think my dad's right. I think being friends with somebody for a decent amount of time for us really, really changes everything and. That might not be true for everybody. Some people I've seen, you know, some of my friends have relationships where they just started dating right away and it ended up being great for them. But in my personal experience, I have not had that necessarily. I haven't had that luck, so. You know, this is all kind of up for debate. I'm, I'm OK with debating all this with you guys. Let me look at my notes. I literally have notes for podcasts now, which is so weird. All right. Wow, this is going to be a stacked. I don't think I've ever had more things I want to talk about in my life. 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And I mean, who doesn't like to save a little money? Speaking of which, new customers can get extra discounts when you check out their site, and their 24/7 customer support is so helpful that it's award-winning. So let one 800 contacts get you the contact lenses you need. Order online at one 800 contacts. Dot com OK, so if I were to host a live radio show and I could play any music I wanted, I would honestly probably have the time of my Life OK, but I'll admit I would probably end up playing. Just sad music. I don't know what it is about me, but I love sad music, OK? And so I'd probably end up playing. A lot of sad music. Specifically for the people who are listening in the car by themselves. That want to shed a tear in a good way? Well now there is a place that I or you or anyone can host a live show. Amp is the platform that allows people to come together and create live, unfiltered radio shows with whatever music or content that they love. And this is like a real show where you can have people listening live and you can pick exactly which songs to play, and you can even have fans calling in to chat while you're on air. If I had a live show, I would definitely. Have people call in and ask me for dating advice honestly, so I think I'd have to do dating advice. You know what this actually sounds like? The perfect radio show. Sad music combined with dating advice. Because all of the shows on AMP are run by real people, you can tell that the playlists are authentic. A playlist generated automatically just sounds different than one that an individual is controlling based on their passions and tastes. And with 10s of millions of licensed songs to choose from, everyone will find the music that appeals to them. But it's not just music. You can have a talk show. Or react to news, or riff on pop culture. And that's one of the best parts about being a podcast host. You can just riff. On whatever. Excites your mind on any given day. So download AMP today in the App Store, that's amp or ask Alexa to play amp. So the next thing I wanna discuss is once you're in a relationship, like a few things, OK? So I think when you're young, it's so easy to get into a relationship and be so dependent on the other person. I've done this. And it hurt me really bad before, and it's not even been anybody else's fault but my own. But let me explain. So, you know, if you're in a relationship and you know, this is nothing to be ashamed of either, like, this is normal. It's human. But sometimes in relationships you can be so kind of obsessed with the person in a sense, not necessarily in an unhealthy way, but just kind of like, you know, you're so in love with them in a sense, or at least you think you are that, like, they're kind of all you think about, you know what I mean? It's like you. You're like you wake up in the morning, you're brushing your teeth and you're like. My God, I wonder what they're doing. And then, you know, you're cooking breakfast and you're like, Oh my God, I can't wait to see them later. You know what I mean? And that's normal. But. Because again, I've had multiple relationships that are both ends of the spectrum, where sometimes I'm, like, obsessed with them and I'm like something about them. And then sometimes I just, like, think about them when it's necessary. It's like, oh, I'm dating them. Cool. And then it's like, whatever, right? I've just had both and I feel like. When you're super kind of obsessed and dependent on the person, the reason why it can make you feel like **** long term is because a few things #1 they're communication with you and they're the way that they behave towards you starts to directly affect your emotions. I've noticed, like, if let's say they don't talk to you all day, like, at all, right, you're going to be bumped. Like, super ******* bummed. Like you're going to be like damn like. Oh my God. Like, do they hate me? Like, I'm so upset. Like I I'm, you know, Oh my God, like I I literally can't get out of my bed. Like, this has happened to everybody. I've every friend I've ever had. This has happened to them. But on the other hand, if you kind of are like, you know, if you're kind of a little bit more. How do I put this without sounding like kind of ****** ** because I wanted to say like half and half in it. Like half and half. Meaning that you put you definitely put a lot of time and love and energy into the person, but you also put another half. Not even another half. But you also put a lot of time and energy and love into yourself too. Then when, like, your significant other doesn't text you back, you're like, OK, they're lost. If they don't, if they like, if they're OK, are they gonna break up with me? Oh, let's see what happens. Like, I don't care, which is like, kind of not normal, but it's like, that sounds like I'm kind of being sarcastic. I don't know how to explain this, but it's like because you're not depending on them for your happiness day-to-day, you kind of have this weird feeling of sanity and comfort in knowing that no matter what could happen if they literally were like, we're over, you'd be like. Sad, and you'd definitely be bummed out. But you know that you could handle it. You know that you could get through it. I've been in relationships and like, if they break up with me, I literally don't know what I would do. I would literally have to go in a hole in and like, sleep outside, like in the rain and listen to Tame Impala and cry for at least a month, right? Like in in nature. Like, I would literally need to move to like a really cool, like Italy for a month and work in a coffee shop and learn Italian. Like, I there's been relationships like that for me and. So. Yeah, I mean, I just think that making sure that you're not, that you're keeping in, you're controlling yourself and you're making sure to stay focused on yourself and your own life and your own hobbies and your own friends, and keeping all those things a huge priority in your life. And not putting everything into somebody else because people always used to say that **** to me. Being like, you need to have your own life. And I would be like, like before I ever started dating. And then suddenly I blinked in, like, I made that mistake. Like I fully made that mistake. So, and I mean, I'm, I'm glad I did in retrospect, like, because I learned a lot from that, you know what I mean? It made me like, I feel like I've been in relationships that have made me just not take care of myself either. Like. I just didn't even think about myself. I was thinking about them and so that was that. So that's kind of, I think I pretty much covered dependent versus not dependent relationships. And you know, if you're in, if you're in a very dependent situation where you guys are kind of like really, really rely on each other in an unhealthy way or a detrimental way. If you need advice on how to not, how to kind of get yourself out of that because it's possible. I think the biggest thing is limiting your time with them, not spending every single day with them, not clearing your schedule for them, you know, making the time with them special. But also spending a lot of time with people that aren't them. So, like, maybe your friends, your family, by yourself especially. Lots of time. I think spending time by yourself while you're in a relationship is kind of weirdly rare. Unless it's like long distance, but it's rare. And so, like, making sure that you have some time by yourself, like go home and do your own thing. You know, that can be hard. And I think if you're in school, it's easier. Maybe, I'm not sure. But if you focus on, you know, your school, your work, bettering yourself, like. For me it was like, you know, exercising. Once they started focusing on all those types of things, it was like, I kind of was able to like let go of that. Dependent feeling that if they left, I would die. Like, you know what I mean? Because I then had a life on my own. I think the reason why it's scary when you get really scared of somebody breaking up with you. I mean, obviously you love and care about them, so that's scary. But I think it it's 10 times worse and 10 times more scary when you don't feel like you have a life of your own outside of the relationship. Right. So you're like, Oh my God, if they broke up with me, I wouldn't know what to do with my day, like, straight up. I wouldn't know to do with my day. I don't. I don't do anything because except for like, maybe work. Or, you know, go to school and like, maybe do one other thing. And then besides that, I'm spending all of my other free time with them. And so then the second that they're out of your life, you have all this free time and space to fill. And that's terrifying. And I think that if you kind of are feeling, you know, a lot of your free time with stuff that's for you that doesn't involve them, then if it's less scary if they were to leave or if you want to leave or whatever, and that's that's that *****. I think I'm done with that. I literally have no idea of anything that I just said makes sense and. I kind of just tend to word vomit and blank out and like, forget what I said. So I don't know what I sound. It's gonna be interesting for me to listen to this, to this episode. Maybe I'll maybe I'll teach myself something. OK, I wanted to tell this story, but like. I've already told it so many times, but I do feel like it's lowkey metaphorical and. It could be useful. So let me tell you a story about when I was trying to impress a boy in like, second grade. I've told this story so many times, but like all my Snapchat, all my literal everywhere, I swear to God. But anyway, I'm in like third grade. I had a crush on this kid, I swear to God. I I literally have had crushes on people since I was four years old. I had a crush in preschool. I feel like that's like not normal. What can I say? But. Basically had a crush on this boy. Very cute. And I love my life. He's a little surfer boy. He's from Hawaii. So, you know, my type had been set in stone since day one, super being super true to myself and I remember, like, he would always come to school and he'd be wearing like, you know, Quicksilver and all the surf brands. And so, and I have these little pants that were Roxy Roxy's, like a surf brand for girls. And it's like Roxy and Quicksilver are like they're. They're like. They're two separate, whatever, this, they're like the same, but it's like ******* converse and Nike. Like, they're like, connected under the same you. Who cares? Holy ****. Who cares anyway? So basically, I came to school and I was wearing these little Roxy pants and I was like, hey, hey, boy, I'm not going to say the name. Hey, boy, like, do you like my pants? Like, they're Roxy because you're there for boys. So, like, what do you think? Thoughts. I mean, I wasn't like, third grade. So, like, it's chill because, like, now, if I did that, I would hope that somebody would just. Block my number and never speak to me again. But like at the time, you know, third grade, 3rd grade was a different. It was a different era. It wasn't even 2010 yet. Yes, it was. I'm just gonna never mind, was it? No, it wasn't OK. I was right. CIS about Roxy pants. He's like, yeah, they're cool. Why? Why? Why did you act? Like, why'd you ask? And I was like, dude, because you like surf. Like, don't you like these? Oh my God. I want to *******. Oh. Ohh, that story hurts me. I'm literally like physically in pain from that story. Hope you guys enjoyed it. But anyway, the metaphor for that is that I think a lot of people and I've seen people do it and I've done it, so let's not. I'm not going to ******* act like I haven't done it because I completely have. I've noticed something really interesting in relationships or even when you're like in the beginning stages of a relationship or you're just talking to somebody in your kind of interested, like a lot of the times. And he likes somebody. You're going to kind of conform a little bit, you know, kind of agree, agree, agree, because. Like you want to agree with them so that they think that you guys have stuff in common, right? That's normal. And I used to be I'm kind of a people pleaser a little bit. I hope I'm using that word correctly, but I I feel like I just want everybody to feel happy and comfortable all the time. And that's just my number one goal sometimes at my own expense. But that's the risk I'm willing to take. And so, you know, for me, like I just tend to agree with like, well, I don't do this anymore at all because I've completely. I hate that now, but because it's not true to yourself at all. But I used to just kind of want to agree with everybody just so that everybody would feel comfortable and they'd feel like they weren't being judged for their opinions or they wouldn't, you know, whatever, or judge for what they like or judge for what they don't like. And so I would just kind of agree with people and just kind of go with it, you know what I mean? Or like try to or to take it a step further, more like the story I just told when I was a lot younger, like, you know, and even up until high school. I would like act like I was interested in things that I wasn't interested in to try to impress. Said person. I think it's actually really cool when you and the person that you're dating have like different opinions on things. Some people are like, no, that doesn't work, that doesn't work. I've heard people say that, like, no doesn't work. I completely disagree. And I think having different opinions or having different interests, it's like it it actually opens a door to learn more about something new. Because if you and the person you're dating have everything in common, there's nothing to learn or take from that. Whereas, let's say one person in this relationship loves cooking and the other person in this relationship. Loves to surf, basically. You can switch that knowledge, right? And then that's great, and you guys can learn new things and that's really important. Or let's say one person loves tomatoes, the other person hates tomatoes. OK, then just don't go to a ******* pizza parlor together. Relax. It's like, I think people think they need to have everything in common, and that's just not true. And I used to think that too. And they would want to, you know? You want to please the person you're talking to. **** all of that. **** all of that. If you have an opinion, say it it it makes you more interesting. I think I love when people challenge me a little bit. I love when people, if I'm like, dude, I love this song and somebody's like, I think it's actually kind of ****. I'm going to be like, really? I'd love to hear why, and I can tell you the conversation about why we disagree is going to be a lot more interesting than the conversation that we would have about why we agree most of the time. It's like, I think it's kind of fun, like you. I mean, obviously you're gonna agree on some **** too, and that's great, but don't change your opinion. I covered that. I'm over it. You know what I'm saying? I'm glad that I kind of, in a sense, grew out of that, because I think that. I've actually made a lot more friends since that. Like, I feel like I actually connect better with people now that I'm really honest about all of my opinions. And I don't try to sugarcoat anything. I think it's actually made my relationships in my life a lot more meaningful. So that's that. OK, so I've told you guys about circle before, right? Spelled CIRKUL. Circle was created for people like me, OK, who don't drink enough water every day circles basically this water bottle with over 40 flavor cartridges that makes drinking water way more tasty. The flavors cover all the bases. They have fruit, punches, iced teas. Some even have caffeine or electrolytes, but there's no sugar, there's no calories, and there's no artificial flavors. My favorite flavor is strawberry Kiwi. And my favorite thing about it is I love how the dial on the cartridge lets you choose how much flavor you get per sip. All you have to do is twist the dial to a certain number for how much flavor that you want and you're ready to go. So the cool thing about it is that you can put the cartridge on. And you can set it to whatever setting you want. So you could set it to a setting where when you take a sip of water, it just tastes like water, so there's no flavor added. But if you're in the mood to add some flavor, you can twist it a little bit. And then you have a super flavorful sip. Right now, Circle is giving all of my listeners up to 35% off their order, plus free shipping on all orders of $15 or more. Plus, as an added bonus, we're throwing in my favorite flavor, strawberry Kiwi, for free. Just visit drink Circom Emma, that's drink CIRUL com Emma to get this limited time offer today again, that's I feel like that's kind of it. I feel like I'm kind of ready to answer questions. I mean, I was going to talk about, feel like I just covered it. I feel like I did really ******* great guys. I feel like I'm so good at this podcasting ****. Stupid genius. Might have been a fail, but anything goes is here and Emma loves it. So I'm gonna try to think about if I covered this topic. Hold on. OK, I guess I should cover breakups and then we'll stop and then we'll ask answer questions. How does that sound, guys? Everybody answer me at home. I'd love to hear your voice. OK, anyway, so let's talk about breakups, because they're they're the inevitable. I feel like there's a few types of breakups. There's like the type where. At least these are the two main types, in my opinion. There's a type where it's like, Oh my ******* God, that is my soul mate. What the ****? No, this can't be happening. We were supposed to get married. I can't believe this. What's going on? What am I supposed to do now? I'll never find anybody else like them. I can't believe this. I'm traumatized. I never want to date anybody again. I can't even look at another person. Everybody else, to me is ugly. I hate everybody. I can't do this. I'm going to die. I'm literally going to die. I I like whatever. So there's that. OK? And then there's other type where you're like. That kind of blows, but like, all right. Like it wasn't meant to be where you're just kind of like, you know what? I can respect this person, I can like, you know, care about this person, but I just, I know that we're not supposed to be together, you know? So I'd say for the second type of break up, the one I just talked about, that's just. I don't really. There really needs to be talked about because I feel like that's so much less significant. Like it's just there's not, there's no mental toll really with that unless they did something to hurt you. But let's say somebody hurts you in a way, like, let's say, I don't know, I don't even have an example, but they do something that that makes you really upset, but you also don't really, you know, you also aren't really into the relationship anymore, even if you kind of, even if the feelings were lost, like you can still be hurt about things like, that's totally human. But I feel like still, that's a lot. Easier to kind of move on from whereas the type of breakup when you think you break up with your soulmate. That **** hurt it and I'd love to talk about it so although. I saw somebody asked me on Twitter if I thought soulmates exist and I would love to talk about it later. But the thing I've learned, I think the first breakup in of your life, like the first breakup you ever have, is the worst. I think after that it gets a lot easier. From what I can tell, but I'm also only 18 and. You know, whatever. But. I never understood what like heartbreak felt like until it happened to me. For the first time. And Oh my God, I can't believe I'm talking about this on the Internet. This is crazy. This podcast is opening my eyes. But the first time I was heartbroken, OK? I mean, I was a really young woman. So. Who knows what that had to do with the reaction, but. I felt like. I literally cried. I don't cry that often. I was like, I cried for like a week. And. I did not think I could live on like, it was the weirdest and I felt so weak. I was like, Oh my God, what the hell? Like I'm the type of person that bounces back, right? I bounce back from most things. So the fact that this was tearing me down more than like anything else ever had, I was like, what the ****? This is a dude. Like, this is a guy. I'm like, why? Why? Why am I so upset? But I was really ******* sad. And the thing that was, you know, you never know how the other person feels either, and it's kind of embarrassing and it's kind of vulnerable. You don't know if they feel the same, you know? You don't know if they miss you, whatever. It's like. The whole thing is like so confusing, but I'd love to tell you how I kind of got through my first breakup. So I think for me it was just, I mean this is pretty obvious, but I just I basically for the first month or so. Actually, I think it was pretty. I was pretty good after like a week. So see, for the first week I just spent some time where I was like, you know, just kind of chilled out, whatever. And then. Because it was like an intense one, you know? OK, because to give you some context, some breakups aren't like that. And then, you know, after that I started like, I actually started going to soul cycle, which is my favorite workout class. And I started getting, you know, into working out and like. Started like bettering myself, you know, and like focusing on myself and focusing on getting hobbies, focusing on getting closer with my friends and family and all of that and then boom, boom, there it is. I felt better and I was fine. And it takes time, you know what I mean? It takes a lot of time. You think you're better. And then like. No matter if your breakup was significant or not in your life, you still think about it. Like, it still crosses your mind sometimes when you're like, in bed at night and you're like, that **** was ******* weird. Like, what the ****? What the **** dude? Like, like you still think about it or you know, whatever, here and there, but. Like that's life. I don't think anybody doesn't think about that sometimes, right? So that's that. But I think if you're going through a breakup right now or if you're, you know or if you haven't and you just want to store this in the back of your head. Spend a lot of time with your friends and family and ******* exercise. Cook for yourself. Get a new ******* hobby. I swear to God. Make new friends. Oh, that's a huge one I love. Making new friends in general, which is shocking. I hate it, but I love it. Like, it's weird. I mean, I like making new friends if they're cool and nice. If they're not, they're obviously not. But like, if I meet cool people, I love it. I love that ****. So I think kind of putting yourself out there a little bit more and being really social, even if it's a little bit of your comfort zone, can help so much. That helps me. That's helped me so much time and time again during breakups, like. If I just kind of put myself out there a little bit more, boom, I'm good because then it's just like, you know, I think the thing that you miss the most when you break up with somebody is like that constant communication and then if you get to go be social a little bit, then. It's nice because it's like, OK, I don't even feel lonely right now, right? So those that's breakups. I think I covered it. I feel like we did a really. I feel like I really deep dove into relationships here. I hope something valuable came out of that for you guys. I'll probably end up doing another episode on relationships because I just have so much, so many opinions on it and so many like feelings about it. And I'm a very sensitive person and I love that ****. And so. So we'll get more on that later. But now let's answer, not more on that later. We're still ******* talking about it, but we might. Do it again. What does it really take to make it in New York City when you're young? The come up is a new freeform docu reality series on Hulu. It follows 6 ambitious creative 20 somethings in NYC as they break the status quo and take up all the space. It's a real look into how this next generation of icons are breathing life back into the downtown scene, all while pursuing their dreams, which is a long way of saying they're killing it. The show follows Sophia, a breakthrough photographer who shot her first spread for nylon at just 13 and has been shooting major campaigns ever since. Fernando Modeling's next international star, Tawfiq, the youngest fashion designer to show at New York Fashion Week, Claude, a New York native and aspiring actress. Ben arising, entertainer from Texas and a newbie to New York City, and Ebon, a trans rights activist and fixture of New York underground nightlife. This is now or never. With big goals and even bigger ceilings to break through, they'll need to bust their ***** to chase their dreams. It's time to hustle free forms the come up new episodes Wednesdays on Hulu. Now let's answer some questions. So you guys ask me some questions. You either left a voicemail. Which if you want to do that, you can call 567-275-3662 and you can leave a short voicemail question for the show. Or you can obviously tweet at AG podcast and ask questions. I do tweet the topics. On the Ag podcast Twitter, whenever I'm about to record so you guys can ask questions that are more curated for the topic of the episode. So yeah, I think we're going to start out with voicemails, so let's see what people have to say. Question. How do you feel about dating a boy that's a few inches shorter than you and it's like, way smaller? Thank you. I love you. Bye. Hey girl, so dating a guy that's shorter than you? So I've actually never dated a guy that was shorter than me. Help me think, have I? Let me just go through my ******* book of all the millions of men I've dated. Well, no, that's a joke, but I actually had a crush on a kid, so I was it summer, your high school? Might have been, and he was about my height weirdly didn't bother me for some reason. I don't know why dating you guys shorter than me because I'm not very tall. I don't know if I would necessarily love it, but I also think that at the end of the day, like. Although obviously, you know, physical attraction to whoever you're dating is really important, I think that physical attraction can evolve. And let's say you meet some guy and you're like, oh, he's too short for me. But then he ends up being a really, really great guy. You could easily fall in love with him, and the height just ends up being something that. You know, it doesn't affect you. Like, I think a big part about dating a guy that's shorter than you is more about what other people are going to say about it rather than what you actually feel about it. And I think as best as you can. If the guys that do a good guy is treating you right. If he's not, ******* dump him right now. But if he's treating you right, you stay with him and. At the end of the day, who cares what anybody else thinks about the appearance of you and your significant other? Like, that's stupid. But I do know that that does happen in. You know you want to like it's it's stupid. But you, like, want to like, look like there's like a. No, I don't know what the right word would be like a. Whatever. There's like a society, you know, they made, they made these kind of rules about, you know, or they made they. Said these opinions society has spoken and they say that the guy should be taller but. That's not what you need to say. Moving on. Hey, I'm a big fan of the podcast and of course the rod. Just calling with the question about relationship advice. What are your thoughts on our long distance relationships? Is it even worth it to try? And have you ever been involved in one? Thank you so much. Always. Pleasure. I love this new voicemail feature. It's so amazing to hear you guys's voices. It makes me feel so connected to you guys and I literally am obsessed with it, so I hope you guys are into it too. But anyway, yeah, so I actually have had a long distance relationship before, if you. Are just kind of dating and it's like chill. I think it can actually be really healthy because. While you're growing up as a kid. Being able to focus on yourself. And have that separation can be really valuable because then when you come together, it can be this great thing, right? And then when you're apart, you focus on you so that when you guys come together, it can be this beautiful thing, ideally. And. That's that. My thing with long distance that I think can be really tough is that. If you didn't date for a period of time before you became long distance, I think it can be. I think it can be kind of hard to create a foundation. With said person, I think if you already have a solid foundation with said person and their long distance. They like, you know, you guys end up being long distance, like down the line. I think that that can work. I totally do. But I think it's a lot harder if you've never not been long distance like you started the relationship long distance. Because they think that you need to spend a lot of quality time with somebody in order to fully know what you're working with, right? And so I think it can be kind of tough to. Fully connect with somebody on that crazy personal level. Crazy like deep personal level when you don't get to see them as often as. You may be what if they live near you or whatever, but I think if you have a foundation then. You already have that foundation, so it's like you're just building up on top of that. But if you don't have a foundation to begin with, good luck. But hey, you know what? Again? Things work for people, you know? And maybe my experiences have been different. You know what I mean? All right. Voicemails were fun, but I didn't tweet out the question in time, so we didn't get a lot of questions about relationships. So I'm actually going to go on the Twitter, and we're going to see what's up. My phone is at 7%. Let's see how long we can last. Also, I really appreciate you guys going on the Twitter and asking questions. It's been so fun to. I love how interactive this is for me. It's been really enjoyable, so let's find a good one. OK, this first one is actually really great. Your thoughts on being an influencer slash YouTuber and wanting to keep your love life in private when 99% of your life is always on display for others? This is definitely really tough for me because. The thing about dating when you're super young is that like. It's probably not gonna last, so that's why I think keeping it private is so important is because. Things change so quickly at this age and like whether you know you want to be single or the other person wants to be single, or you both want to be single, or it's just not working like whatever it is like. Dealing with that **** is so exhausting by itself, but having everybody else comment on it is even more difficult and I think you know. Also, a lot of the times too, there's a lot of speculation about who's dating who and, you know, when a lot of the times. I mean, sometimes it's true, sometimes it's not. Sometimes. I mean, when you read anything on the Internet, either be true or it might not be. But I think it's hard because like, let's say you go through a breakup and then it was public because I've never had a public relationship ever so. I mean, I'm just kind of speaking from what I would assume. Like, let's say you break up with somebody and then you know you have to, you know, you tell everybody you're like, guys we broke up. You have to go on your social media and see stuff about them that you're probably being tagged in or you're probably, you know, it's the topic of conversation. And now your relationship is everybody else's relationship. And that's kind of a weird burden that I think is can be really upsetting. Do I think, like, you know, if I was married to somebody, would I make that public? For sure, 1000%, but I'm not getting married anytime soon. So until then, I'm probably not going to have a public relationship ever. I mean it would depend. I think I would not do that unless I dated somebody for probably like a few years to be honest. And I think sometimes it's like it's hard to. It's hard when you know you want to keep something private, but you also want to be able to do things with said person, because in that kind of complicates things, you know, because it's like, I don't know, like. But also, even if you're friends with somebody too, then there can be speculation if you're like, hanging out with somebody that people might assume that you would date. That can also look one way or another. It's like it's all kind of a crazy game, and that's why I just choose to not speak on it, really. When it comes to my actual personal relationships, I keep them all super private. And I think, I think that that's, you know, leaves a little bit to the imagination, right? It's kind of fun, but yeah. I don't know. One day, if I ever get married, probably not. But one day, maybe I'll have a husband and I will finally be able to just. Post a selfie with them. I'm kidding. Alright, let's move on. Have you ever had a relationship so serious that you and your significant other would say, I love you? Yes, I have. Next is it possible to be friends with your exes? I think it depends on what type of relationship you had if they did something to hurt you. Or you did something to hurt them. I think that you can eventually be friends with them, but I think it does take a lot of time to heal from that. And forgive because when somebody that you date, I think does something that that hurts you, it can be really. I think the anger in that is so much more intense than even with like friends sometimes because there's like such an intense kind of like love there sometimes, depending on the relationship. But you know, yeah, I think you can be friends. I think if I think, weirdly enough, I do think that the easiest way to be friends with your ex is if the relationship kind of faded away on its own in both of you or like. We kind of want to see other people, and that's kind of how it is. So then it's easy to be friends because it's like there's no hard feelings, not one person's more heartbroken than the other, and it's great, but. I think it, but I think it's all like a balance. It also takes a lot of maturity from both parties. It's like, can you both handle that? Because, I mean, sometimes being friends with your ex can go so wrong because then it's like all of a sudden, you know, it can go really wrong. So I think waiting it out. Growing apart and then coming back together later. Can be really important if you had really intense feelings there. Let's see. Do I think it's healthy to have a private relationship? I do. I do. I think it's a lot healthier. So yeah, that's that to answer the question. I do think having a private relationship is healthier, and especially at my age. Do you believe in soulmates? Ooh. I wanted to talk about this. I do. But it's weird because. I think you have multiple. I think you can have a friend soulmate. I think you can have a significant other soulmate. I think it can be an animal. Like. I literally think there's so many different types of soulmates. I think in my opinion, in my eyes, a soulmate is just somebody that you click with in a way that you can't really explain, and it's kind of like it's something that. Yeah, you just can't even understand. I think soulmates exist, but I think there's a lot of them in this world, and I think that. It's not just one person, so that's her. A few more and then I'm gonna let you guys go because this is the longest podcast episode I've ever done. Oh, this is a great question, though. What's a relationship deal breaker for you? I mean, there's a lot, like a ******* lot, but I think when somebody is super controlling. And not. Open minded. I've learned that that can be really, really hard, I think. Dealing with people that are very. You know that aren't considered of your time. And like your. And don't appreciate your time and your effort. I think that can be a huge dealbreaker too. Like, somebody who kind of just, like, forgets about you, like, could easily just, like, go like, you know what I mean? Like, that just sucks. That sucks ***. And obviously if somebody's a ****** *** I mean, they're out, you know, if they suck. And I also think if somebody. Can't I really value somebody who can? Like, have a great conversation with me so if that's not in the cards. I'm not interested, just a respectful, overall good, good guy. I'm not. I'm not too hard to please. I feel like I wanna answer like two more. Do you normally break up with somebody, or do they normally break up with you? It's been all the above, all of. It's happened multiple times, so both. And it. I don't know, it just sucks more. Actually, I can't. They both suck. Oh God, can't. Insert one more first date ideas. No, I don't know. I don't go on dates, dude. I couldn't help you with that one. How do you know when it's time to end a relationship? That's a great one to end on. I was trying to find the perfect banger to end this on, and I think that's a great one. I think you know when it's time to end a relationship. When. The majority of the time spent thinking or being with this person is. Is not joyful. I mean, it's crazy because I think a lot of people will be in a relationship and they won't realize that they're actually ******* miserable. Like, you can be so miserable, but you'll kind of just be like, no, I think I'm supposed to be feeling like this. No, you're not. I swear to God, that is not how it's supposed to go. I mean, if you're feeling miserable 90% of the time, even, like, honestly, I'd argue 60% of the time, if you're feeling miserable 60% of the time, you need to get out. And if it's been like that for a long time, you need to get out. There's obviously. Things that are obvious. You know what I mean? If this person is is not treating you right in any way, shape or form, that's an immediate reason to get out, obviously. But I'm saying when it's something where it's harder to decide because it's not as obvious, you know what I mean? Not that you know, it's even not obvious when somebody is mistreating you. It can be really hard to recognize that. When it's happening sometimes, but I'm saying, like when you're kind of like, ah, they're not really doing anything wrong, but I feel like I need to end it. But I don't know, that's what I'm kind of referring to. I think it's if you just don't feel happy around the person, you don't feel like you click with the person and. You don't feel like they're. Helping you grow and, like, think differently. And, you know, I think it also is like a weird switch in your brain where you kind of just, you kind of know, you're like, it's just not the same and then then you cut it off. And then you go find a new one. It's kind of ****** **. I don't know. That's ****** **. Like, let's have fun. Whatever. So it's single Emma here. She hopes you enjoyed the episode. DM me. Goodbye. No, I'm totally kidding. Oh my God. I didn't even talk about how how being single can be so positive. That's. You know what? **** it. That's. And I did. But, like, not what I there's so much more to it. But I, like, didn't. I didn't hit that. So. But I could have, but I didn't and it's fine, we're ending this. I actually have to go eat lunch. I'm starving so I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. I actually had so much fun with this one because I feel like it's something that I have so many thoughts on. And sorry if I rambled ramble plug, but. Get used to it. Not really that sorry. I hope that you got something valuable out of this. I really do. That's kind of something I like, you know? I don't want to like, talk for an hour for everybody. Like, well, that was ******* stupid. So I hope that there's at least something good in there that you can take away and let me know what you guys want me to make episodes on next? Tweet at a G podcast on Twitter or call the number that I mentioned earlier. I will say it again, though, because I'm so generous. The number is 5672. 753662 you can leave a voicemail and we will. That sounded me. It sounds like I farted. Listen. The cord from my headphones. Everybody ******* relax. I don't even have gas for once. Let me have this moment. Yeah, tweet called do it all. Oh my God. Doesn't even ******* catch phrase. Snaps. Everybody snap for my poetry. Anyway. Let me know what you want me to talk about. Asking questions. You know the ******* drill. Piece out. I love you guys. Thanks for listening. Don't date ******** or *******. Am I going to get in trouble for saying that? I don't think so. I'm. I can be a *****. So they had an *******. Date good people, guys or date ******* no one and have fun. Love it. Alright. Bye.