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This is the first time I've talked today and I think my voice needs to warm up a little bit. It's eight in the morning. Which? Is kind of crazy because I have never in my Life OK been an early riser and recently like within the past few months. I'm waking up at like anywhere between 6:00 AM and like 8:30. What? What the ****? On what sick planet am I becoming like a responsible adult and waking up at a good hour? It's kind of terrifying, but I also love it. I love it it. It literally is the best thing ever. It makes me feel so much better throughout the day. And then when I go to sleep at night, I hit my head on the pillow and I am sleeping immediately because I'm exhausted. Because I woke up early. It's amazing. But my voice does need to warm up a little bit. So, like, excuse it for how it is now. OK. Well, hi everyone. How are you all doing? I hope you guys are doing amazing. We missed a week last week. And I wanted to talk about it. We missed a week last week because. I listened to the episode and I was like. I'm not obsessed with it, for one. And I also spent half the episode talking about something that I wasn't actually allowed to talk about, which I found out for my team. At some point I may be able to talk about it, just not right now. It's not a big deal. It's not anything juicy or interesting. It was more just like me venting, and so we ditched the episode. It literally. It's not like you're missing something. Umm. Like, I know what people are interested in, OK? People are interested in drama, relationships. Arguments. Drama. And drama. This had nothing to do with any of that. There was no drama. It was a literal thing that had to do with, technically, my work life. Therefore, y'all did not miss anything. Honestly, it was probably really boring anyway, so. We're back this week, though. Thank you for letting me take a little break. I missed you guys a lot. It genuinely made me sad not to be posting a podcast and seeing you guys be like, what the ****? Where's the pod? I was like, Oh my God. People likes listening to my pod. That feels amazing and. So I'm back. I'm Speaking of like. Getting a few comments saying that they were missing the pod last week. I have really, truly become a massive podcast listener recently. I listen. To podcast more than I listen to music when I'm by myself. And I think it's because I love to have. The sound of human voices echoing throughout my house, like that's what I like. And I like that because it makes me feel less. Alone when I'm in my home. Even though I like to be alone, but listen to this. This is what I like about podcasts. I like to be alone. But I also like. People talking like I like to talk to people, I like to hear different stories, whatever, blah blah. But doing that type of stuff in real life is exhausting for me. Like talking to people that I don't really know in real life drains the **** out of me. Couldn't be me. Absolutely could not be me, OK, I mean it is me. I do it all the time, but I really, really genuinely makes me tired and I need to like recharge when I get home for at least like a day and 1/2. Anytime I socialize but. Here's the thing about podcasts. It feels like you're socializing, in a sense, because you're like, listening to somebody talk. For however long. But if you want them to shut up, you can press pause on your phone when you're being social. In real life, there's no pressing pause button. On a real human being, it's unfortunate, but you can't. So that's why I love podcasts. And listening to them. Because it's like, I feel like I'm with people, but I don't actually have to be with them and it's kind of amazing. So. I don't know. And the other thing I realized about listening to podcasts is I don't even care what anyone's talking about. If they have like a relatively relaxing voice. In our talking about something relatively interesting like doesn't even have to be interesting, just kind of interesting. I'm in. I just like having the the aura, the feeling of the voices around me. It just is like comforting so. If you guys have any good podcasts for me to listen to, let me know. I'm kind of like stuck on a few of them. And. I want to broaden, so if you guys have any recommendations, please let me know. I also listen to my own podcast because I have to before we post it. So that's another podcast I listen to, but unfortunately listening to myself talk for an hour can sometimes make my nervous system. Go all over the place. But. Anyway, let's get into the real ****. Let's get into the real that's actually no pun intended. Because this episode kinda has to do with poopy time. Not in a gross way, though. I promise them to keep it, not gross, just in case you guys are eating. Anything of the sort. I will be keeping it very very PG. 13 No promises on PG. OK, so here is what happened. Actually, we have to start from the beginning. So this weekend, all of my friends and I went to Joshua Tree, which is the desert. For a little vacation. We rented an Airbnb. The Airbnb was ******* incredible. I found it. Randomly like. A week, two weeks before we ended up leaving for the trip, and like I've never been more proud of an Airbnb I've found like it was unreal. Umm. What I didn't realize was that this home that we rented was more of like. In art piece rather than a livable home, let me explain. All of the furniture was not comfortable. All of the decorations were very fragile. All of the pots and pans for cooking, all of the spoons and the bowls and the cups delicate. And nice. Like everything was kind of nice, which I didn't expect because like, I mean, the Airbnb was, you know? I like based on the price that they are BI didn't think that it was going to be like that but. Apparently the owners of the home are like. Architects and like interior designers, and so they made this place like dope as **** and like it was beautiful. But. This home is was not designed for six people. This home was designed for like one couple Max. OK, let me explain. None of the doors are locked. OK, so with six people around, sometimes you need a little bit of privacy. There was none in this place because. Literally like. You couldn't lock yourself into anywhere, so if you need to change, if you need to do whatever, there is no privacy. Not to mention, every room has massive windows that you can see into from the outside of the house. So like, if you're changing, there's a decent chance that somebody's going to see you changing. That scares the **** out of me. There were three bathrooms. In this place one was an outdoor bathroom that had no door. Really cool though. Super beautiful, but no door. And there was a shower and a toilet in there. And a sink. The second bathroom was a normal functioning bathroom. A door that doesn't lock unfortunately. But there was a door and the toilet in the shower, whatever. That was great. And then the last bathroom was just. Behind a wall, but there was no door. So, like anyone could just walk right in. Listen. I am a 19 year old girl. The idea of me using the restroom. In general, but mainly the more extreme. Type of using the restroom. Let's say #2. To be gentle, right? The thought of me #2 going OK. Umm. In a bathroom that has no door when? All of my friends are around. I mean, I love my friends. I'm very close with all of them. But. The thought of me going #2. In a bathroom with no door couldn't have been me, right? So there's basically one bathroom option for me, and it was the one with the door. I went in there probably 7 or 8 times throughout the trip. And just was like Emma, you need to go #2 like your body is holding all of it. You need to just let it go. You need to just be free. You need to because you're uncomfortable. It's hurting your tummy that you're not letting it go. You know you're holding on for dear life. Cause your body knows that. There's a lot of things that could go wrong. Toilet could get clogged. A A lot of things go wrong. I did not use the restroom. Wants that entire. Trip. My body held on for dear life and it was great because I walked in. To my home. Once we got home from the trip and I immediately sat on the toilet and was like nothing was wrong. Why is that? Why did my body know to just shut itself off? In the company of all my friends, it knew it was like, no, Emma, you don't wanna do this. No, you don't wanna do this. You can't. You can't do this. I even tried to use the outdoor toilet at one point because everybody was saying like, ohh no, if you need to go #2, go to the outdoor toilet. That's the move. And I tried it and I couldn't because there was no door. No, I need privacy when I'm when I'm doing that, you know what I mean? Peeing. I could pee anywhere. I could pee standing up. I could pee sitting down. I could pee like with one of my legs, like, dangling off a Cliff. Like I can literally pee in any scenario. I can pee with someone sitting on my lap. I can pee with somebody slapping me in the face. I could pee with somebody tickling my armpit. I can pee at any. There's no limit to when I pee. But when it comes to #2, it could. I couldn't do it, and I wonder who else on the trip with me. Could not poop. I kind of wanna text in the group chat and be like. Which one of y'all couldn't couldn't make that happen? Cause like I want to know if I'm the only one. I was kind of mortified, too. I was like, Emma, are you like 2 years old? Like, everybody does this, everyone poops, and I don't have an issue with pooping around other people. But like this situation was just. The least privacy you could imagine and like, I just couldn't do it. The fact that the door didn't lock and that someone could walk in at anytime and find me in the middle of my moment. Was like beyond excruciating for me. So, alas, I did not. Poop the entire trip. I have some friends and family members who wear contacts, and honestly, I can't imagine how much of a pain it must be to always have to go to the eye doctor, go in for unnecessary tests. When you know that your prescription hasn't changed. It's so time-consuming and so stressful. I truly can't imagine one 800 contacts has been making people's lives so much easier and delivering contact lenses for 27 years. They make getting contacts super fast and easy. Even if you have a really strong prescription, all you have to do is order the same contacts you would get from your doctor. Just look on the side of your contacts box for that info. You can order online, over the phone, or with their app, and they ship them fast and free to your home. You can even renew your prescription. Online using their express exam and there are so many benefits to going through. One 800 contacts. They guarantee if you find your contacts at a lower price elsewhere, they'll beat it. And I mean, who doesn't like to save a little money? Speaking of which, new customers can get extra discounts when you check out their site, and their 24/7 customer support is so helpful that it's award-winning. So let one 800 contacts get you the contact lenses you need. Order online at one 800 contacts. Dot com. Another thing that happened on this trip was one night for dinner. Me and Olivia, my friend Olivia were cooking dinner. And. We made pizzas, but because this Airbnb. Was not made for living in, right? Like the refrigerator was literally like 3 feet by two feet. Like it was tiny fridge, like everything was very, like, not functional, right anyway. There was no. Oven Mitt. And me and Olivia made pizza. And. It was time to take it out of the oven. And we were like, wait a minute. What? What do we oh, what are we gonna do? So I was like, you know what? I'm gonna use paper towels. I'm just gonna wrap a bunch of paper towels around my hand and grab it. Well, don't do that, because it slipped out of my hand and the pizzas fell face down onto the floor. And me and Olivia ate them. We ate them in front of everyone because we were so hungry. They were like, you know? Let's just peel this thing off the ground. Let's eat it, you know? We did. Don't do that. I don't think that's good. I don't think you are supposed to do that. But that's definitely one of my favorite memories from the trip. What's my other favorite memory? Peeing in the outdoor toilet. And clogging it. And then later, one other member of our trip going poop in the toilet. Clogging it even worse and then everybody blaming the clog on him. When in reality it was kind of my fault. Because I'm the one. Well. I don't know if it was my fault though, because I think the toilet was clogged even before. I used it. Because I just peed and I like a tiny piece of toilet paper. Like there was nothing whatever in that. I flushed and it just didn't flush. So I feel like somebody else might have clogged it. So that's something that I'm going to need to figure out. But. I clogged it and then he went and then he clogged it even worse. Next thing you know, the whole entire. The whole group is just laughing at him and I was like, well. You guys cannot discredit my peepee time. Started this whole thing off, you know what I mean? OK, so here's the next thing I want to talk about. On this trip I posted multiple Instagram photos on my stories on my feed. Whatever. Actually only one so far, but I'll probably post another one at some point anyway. And everybody's like Emma. You got lip injections. Like, stop lying. Y'all I didn't. Swear to God. I did not get lip injections. But what I did do? Was learn how to make it look like I did in my Instagram photos I have this way. In it, and it happened subconsciously. Now there's a way that I *******. I don't know that when I'm doing it. But I like the way that I pose for photos. Like my default pose. Now for my face. I like put wait. I'm gonna do it in the mirror. I'm in front of a mirror right now. I'm next to a mirror. I don't know. OK, wait, I can't. I can't recreate it. I just tried to do it in the mirror. I can't do it. But I. Do this thing with my mouth and it's very slight. But it makes my lips look bigger. And I don't even realize that I'm doing it. But then it makes my lips look bigger and then everybody's like, you got lip injections, shut up. And I'm like, no, no, no, guys. I'm just playing the game here. OK, and I'm puffing those babies out a little bit, right? But not in a way where it like, looks obvious, though I had this perfect balance that's fooling the masses. I don't even need to edit the damn photo. It is like that. I have figured it out and it but it's not even like I meant to. Like I did it on accident but then like. Everybody's always like, your lips don't look like that and I'm like, yeah, no they don't because I'm puffing them out on accident. But is it an accident? I don't know, but I also sunburnt my lips like bad on this trip because I didn't wear sunscreen. And my lips are like burnt to a crisp right now. They're so crusty and gross. It's like sad. But that also made them look swollen and big. I also was having allergies while I was there a little bit. Everybody was because we were in the desert and there's a lot of different pollen. So that also made them swollen. So this whole beautiful combination made me look like I had a little injection in there, which is totally fine. There's nothing wrong with getting injections, but I don't want to do it. And I stand by that. But if I ever do change my mind and I'm like. Oh my alarm just went off. My alarms went off because it's 8:30 and my body was like. Body and brain. Didn't expect me to wake up this early, so. Now I'm here and my alarms are going off, but I just think it's so funny because it's like, listen. That just proves like not everything. Even like if you don't Photoshop, even if cause I don't Photoshop, the only thing I will Photoshop is like if I have hairy legs and like, I want to smooth it out. I do that occasionally or like in my last Instagram post. Oh my God, I don't even want to tell this story, but I'm going to I. My bikini bottoms were riding up in all the wrong places, right? Because my bikini bottoms were extremely thin and so it was just really revealing, so I did edit my vagina a little bit to make it just a little bit more PG, right? That I did do and I will occasionally like, you know, if I have like. My legs are just hairy. I'll edit out like a spot of my leg just to make it look a little bit better. Like I won't edit my whole ******* leg. I don't even think I've ever done that. Actually. I don't think I've actually ever. I don't think. Well. Have. I feel like I might have, but I don't even think I ever posted the photo because I think I couldn't figure out how to Photoshop out the leg hair where it looked natural. So then I was like, **** it, I'm just not gonna post the photo. But like, still, it doesn't matter. Social media photos that you see, not real life. Because I didn't edit my photos. Except for my vagina in that one. But like nothing else. I like there is. It's not like I edited my lips. Nothing. But it's about the way that I posed, and it's still a ******* lie. You know what I mean? It's still a lie. Cause like my lips don't look. Puffed out when I'm *******. Or pouty. You know, a sense when I'm just sitting around doing nothing. You know. They look normal, but in a photo I'm like, turn it on ***** and I just go and I go crazy. But it it's still something to think about. Like, you know, you choose your best moments, you know your angles, blah, blah, blah. And so Instagram is not real life and that's the ******* point blank period of it all. Just because you know something doesn't look. You know what I mean? Like it. Just. It's it's social media is just very fake, but what I've found is that. There's an art in the illusion. Right. There's something fun about the illusion. Even looking at other people's illusions that they've created. Like, think about somebody in your head who has a very amazingly beautiful Instagram account and it looks like their life is perfect and they have everything together and that they're so smart and you know? *******. Whatever. And they just have their aesthetic perfectly right? They have it down perfectly OK. They they're it doesn't matter, like. They probably still have a bunch of **** that they're dealing with. They could be a terrible person. They could be the best person ever, but be, you know, depressed and be like ******* sad all the time. But their Instagram makes it look like they have no issues. Like, you just don't know. You know what I mean? It's so easy to make like a fake reality on Instagram. I mean, even, like me being on this trip, right? Like, I'm posting photos from this trip. It looks like it was like a perfect trip. Well, we dropped the pizza on the floor and we ate it and I didn't poop. The whole time, like that's the truth of it. Right, but on Instagram it looks ******* amazing. And to be completely honest with you, I used to feel like. There was something wrong with that. Like there was something really wrong with creating an illusion. I still do. But I think that sometimes you can appreciate. Once you realize that everything on Instagram is an illusion, you can appreciate it as almost like someone creating a story. Like, as long as you know that it's not reality, then you can appreciate it. And this is more pertaining to like everything looking perfect and aesthetic and beautiful. I'm not really talking about like, editing your body to look completely different than it really looks like, because that has a whole nother, you know, level of like. Damage that it can do to people, right? But when it comes to like. Creating a really nice aesthetic and like. You know, making everything look dreamy. There's an art in that and I think that that should be appreciated. I I don't think that that's something that's harming anyone. It could harm someone because somebody could be like. God like their life is so perfect. Like all they do is just like. Bask in the sun and, you know, wear outfits that are cute and **** like. You know it can harm people like that. But once you realize that. That's all in artistic allusion. Then you can appreciate. That and you can appreciate what other people create. And the vibe that people create and stuff and like, I think that's really inspiring. And I know my friend Deon came into town, he was in LA for a little bit and. He has the most beautiful Instagram like the most beautiful Instagram like. It's just like every photo is perfect and like, you know, whatever but. In his like, captions he, you know, he'll talk about, like real things. And he'll like kind of get deep in there. And I just think that's so inspiring and smart and you know. He's honest about. The truth of his life. While he has this like. Creative world. On his Instagram that like seems perfect. Like he has that balance. And so that's just like, really cool to me. But also he's a real human being, you know what I mean? Like he, yes, his Instagram is like very perfect, but like. There's a human behind that, and he tries to show that and he does show that. And I just think that that's really cool. While still like enjoying the. Art of like creating a. A world on Instagram, you know what I mean? I don't know. I've always really liked that. I've always liked kind of like. Trying to make my Instagram look cool and almost be like the life that I wish I had in a sense. I've always like, like trying to do that. Since I was literally like 15, I remember I went on a trip to the Dominican Republic with my mom. And. The trip was great, but like on my Instagram, it looked like I. Was flown out to the Dominican Republic by the Kardashians and. Was like being. Carried around on like. A fluffy chair the whole time. Like, that's the way that I made the trip look. In reality, it was a normal ******* trip with my mom, and it was great, but like, that's what it was. But like, creating that illusion is really ******* fun. But in an artistic, inspiring way, not in like a damaging way like. Everything, every photo was a real photo, but it was about making the. Location that we were in. Look the way that I want it to and feel the way I want it to, right? And like that's. I've always liked that. And I like you know. Taking cool photos that are pretty and all that ****. Like, I've always just loved that. So I don't know. I mean, it's just something to keep in mind, like, you know? But it's not necessarily reality, but it's also, like, not damaging anyone. But I think the honesty is important, being like, you know, this trip. I just didn't poop the whole time. That's all I remember. Even though on Instagram it looked completely different. You know what I mean? Anyway, I don't know if anything that I just said made sense. OK, so if I were to host a live radio show and I could play any music I wanted. I would honestly probably have the time of my Life OK, but I'll admit I would probably end up playing. Just sad music. I don't know what it is about me, but I love sad music, OK? And so I'd probably end up playing. A lot of sad music. Specifically for the people who are listening in the car by themselves. That want to shed a tear in a good way? Well now there is a place that I or you or anyone can host a live show. Amp is the platform that allows people to come together and create live, unfiltered radio shows with whatever music or content that they love. And this is like a real show where you can have people listening live and you can pick exactly which songs to play, and you can even have fans calling in to chat while you're on air. If I had a live show, I would definitely. Have people call in and ask me for dating advice honestly, so I think I'd have to do dating advice. You know what this actually sounds like the perfect radio show. Sad music combined with dating advice, because all of the shows on AMP are run by real people. You can tell that the playlists are authentic. A playlist generated automatically just sounds different than one that an individual is controlling based on their passions and tastes. And with 10s of millions of licensed songs to choose from, everyone will find the music that appeals to them. But it's not just music. You can have a talk show, or react to news, or riff on pop culture, and that's one of the best parts about being a podcast host. You can just riff. On whatever. Excites your mind on any given day. So download AMP today in the App Store that's a amp, or ask Alexa to play amp. I don't know how he went from the fact that I. I hope you said bless you to me. Thank you. Umm. I don't know how we got from me puffing my lips out in photos. To. My appreciation for Instagram illusions. I don't know how we got there, but anyway. One last thing before we get into questions. I woke up one morning on this trip. And I go into the bathroom. And I look at my ear cause it felt a little bit sore because I have a lot of piercings, as you guys probably know. And. One of my cartilage piercings is gone. And I'm like, what did it fall out? But it feels like it's in there. I reach behind my ear and I touch and I feel there's an earring back, but on the front of my ear you can't see any piercing. And I had a tiny little. Diamond stud. Fake diamond stud. Of course of little tiny fake diamond stud. Piercing in there, right? And it like was nowhere to be found. But yet my earring back was still in and I could feel the earring in my ear, but I couldn't see the. Front of the earring and I was like, did the earring break and did like the diamond part fall off and that's why like I can't see it. Well, I ended up feeling around and I pushed from the back of the piercing to see like if it was in my skin, it was in my skin. When I was sleeping, my earring got pulled through my ear and it was like the diamond part was in the middle. It was in my skin. And it went it halfway through my skin. It it went halfway through my ******* skin, and so I had to push it back through. And it hurts so bad. And I'm like in there and my eyes are watering and I'm like crying trying to get this piercing. No one knew I was like the first one to wake up. And that was what I was dealing with. So anyway. Umm. Traumatizing and then? I also got a new piercing recently and like this really random spot, I don't even know what it's called. It's like in the hollow part of your ear, if you look at your ear, there's like the cartilage, and then there's like the earlobe on the bottom and then there's like that. Kind of hollow area in your ear that like leads to your earhole. Well, I got a piercing in there. Fell out, gone. I also cracked my phone on this trip. I don't even know like I. Couldn't tell you what happened. I mean, I, like, I don't even know, like when all that **** happened. Like I literally cracked my phone at some point. And I didn't notice. And you know what was funny? It was probably because I probably dropped my phone on the ground and then immediately, like, put it back on the counter and didn't look at it because I literally didn't go on my phone once the entire trip. And then just didn't notice. But still I was like, that is insane to me. Like why did it look like? I got put in a blender for 20 minutes. I don't know. It didn't make sense, but alas. I'm home. I'm sad to be home, but also, you know, time to get back to work. I was only gone for like 50 hours total. But. My thing is, I'm going to continue to post photos from it so that people still think that I'm there, so that I can have a little bit more time to myself without people asking me to hang out because I refuse to hang out with anyone anymore. I can't. I don't. I can't do it. I cannot. Cannot. Do it. I hate being social. I ******* hate it. I never want to be social again. I just like being with my few people that I love in a safe, warm environment and just telling them how much I love them in sitting down and not talking to anyone else like that is what I like. I don't like being social. I hate it. I don't like it. I quit. I wonder if that's a part of getting older, because I always used to be the biggest social butterfly. Like, I just wanted to, like, meet everyone, talk to anyone. And to be completely honest with you guys, I think that it's finding like, people in your life that you love and that you. Feel comfortable with in like content with. And those people filling you up. To a point where, like, you don't need to go out in, like be social because you're getting that. From the people in your life that you love and you don't need it elsewhere. So then it's hard to want to go out and be social because you're like, well, I already get. What I need from the people in my life I don't need to like. Go meet new people, or like, go hang out with people that don't. Make me feel good because it's like. Why do that? You know. And maybe that's not a good thing, but I also think that, like, if that's what my body and my mind wants right now. So be it. I just won't hang out with anyone. I'd rather I would literally rather be home for a week straight than hang out with anyone right now. And that is not. Something that should hurt anyone's feelings. Like, it's not personal. I just don't have the energy right now. To do it. And that's OK. And I've learned to accept it, and everybody else better accept it. And if they hate me for it, then they ******* hate me for it. This is what my mind and body needs. Point blank. I think we can answer some questions. What do you guys think? Somebody said advice on being a senior and being afraid to graduate and go into the real world. I never experienced this. You know, in a way that was like. I'll say it relatable, like I had a very unique. Transfer from being in school, being under my parents roof to like being on my own. It was very, very different. And it's because. You know, I had the means to be independent a lot earlier than I expected. So I was kind of just. Shoved into it. But. I'm gonna try to give you advice anyway, because I feel like I might have something comforting to say. Hopefully you can let me know. Going into the real world. Is really not that scary. It can feel lonely. It can be tough. There's a lot of things to learn, and there's a lot of things that you don't know until you're out and you're doing it. There's so many. Nobody can tell you everything. Nobody can give you every piece of advice you're going to need. You're going to be going out there a little bit unprepared, and that's inevitable. But you also have to remember #1 everyone does this. This is such a normal part of becoming an adult is. Going out into the world and fending for yourself, everyone does it. So remind yourself that if everyone else can do it, I can ******* do it. That's number one, but #2. You have a support system, you know what I mean. You have your family. You hopefully have some good friends around you. If not, your family is enough. Lean on them when you need them. In the beginning, don't be afraid to lean on them. You're not. It's not like you wake up one day, you move out, and then you just are on your own. No, you still have those people that are supporting you now to support you. When you're going through this journey, lean on them as much as you need. That's what they're there for. OK? That's super important because they feel like people think that they need to just handle everything on their own. No, if you need to ask questions, if you need to just talk, those people are there for you, right? You are going to be totally fine, and it's actually so exciting and fun to finally have that adult independence. It is something to be so excited for that I feel like I've had some of my best memories in life having the independence that I have, because I wouldn't have had those memories and wouldn't have made those memories without the independence that I have, whether it's going to a diner really early in the morning or slash really late at night with my friends or going on drives with my friends at like. Two in the morning or? Going grocery shopping by myself and like all of that, like, all of those memories are like really amazing. Or even the moments of me like, ******* crying in my bed by myself, not talking to anybody. Those are beautiful memories to me. Those are times when I found myself in ways that, like, I never expected to do so. Like, there's so much learning in growth and like. Memories to be made like it is nothing to be afraid of. I totally understand the fear, but it you're gonna be completely fine and it's gonna be really, truly amazing. It's also what you make of it. So if you go into it like I'm going to make this the best situation that it possibly can be, it will become that. Somebody said how did you know you were ready to start dating? I have been going through mental health issues. Plus anytime someone gets close to me I get anxious and back out of the relationship. Thank you so much. I love you. I think that a really good sign that you're ready to be in a relationship is if you don't really want one. You're kind of like. I don't want one. No, I it's I'm fine on my own. I don't really want one. And then somebody will come in and be like. Hey. And then you're like. Wait, now I kind of want to date this person because I love them so much. And. They're so great and they make me happy and they treat me well XY&ZI want to like. Date them even though I wanted to be single. The problem is if you go into a relationship and you're like seeking a relationship. I think occasionally that can make sense if you're somebody who, like, has spent a lot of time finding themselves 1st and then they're like, you know what? I wanna like, share this joy with someone else, right? Like I want to like. I'm ready like I'm old enough. I'm ready whatever. Like I I wanna. Be in a relationship with somebody. If I find someone right, I think that that can be good, but I think that. For most people and me included. If I'm looking for a relationship, I'll get into something that I shouldn't be. And I'll like. Wrap myself up into something out of almost desperate measures. And then it does. It's not good. Because if you're getting into a relationship because you're just desperate for some sort of comfort or some sort of affection, that's not good, and I've done that. I've been like, **** this. I don't even care. I'll date anyone because I just like. That's actually not true. Not date anyone. But I've been in spots where I'm like, if I find a guy that I like, like, I have no reason to not date immediately because I just want. Some stability in my life and I want. To be in a relationship because I like dating. I don't like being like I like being OK. I either like being single and talking to no one. Not one, dude. Single and talking to no one, nobody at all, or being in a relationship. I don't like the in between. I don't like being like. Ohh there's like I am like single so I'm gonna go out and be social and like talk to like 7 guys when like I hate that and it never works for me and it makes me feel like **** and I don't like it. That's me personally. No judgment at all. The people who love that. I know so many people who love that, and it makes them thrive and they **** with it and I totally get it. But I am not like that. I like. I want to find somebody who I can rely on. I like to find someone who's going to, like, be reliable, who I can like go back to. And know that they're always going to be there for me, at least throughout our relationship. I want to know that, like, the person I'm talking to has my back right now. You know what I mean? Obviously things can change. Nothing is. Set in stone and life. Anything could change tomorrow, and that's something that my anxiety hates and has a lot of trouble with. But. I like that stability, OK? And so I crave that. But I also have that on my own. I either have that completely on my own or I have that in a healthy relationship. Those are the two states in life where I can find that. Feeling of like true. Comfort and safety. So I got to a place where I was like, I'm not going to be in a relationship unless this ************. I feel like I can trust them. You never know for sure. You don't know anything. And that also is another thing my anxiety. Hates is that like, you know you don't know, right, but. If you are at a place where you're like. I am happy being by myself. I'm happy being single. And then someone comes in and like, kind of takes you by surprise. That's how you know that you're not desperate. For something and that you know that you're acting. On. Your love and feeling towards this person and not out of. Desperate times. Because it's normal to get desperate and be like, **** I just. Want something. I wanna feel something. I get that. But you're gonna end up making a decision. You're gonna get hurt, basically. And you're ready when you know that you could be fined by yourself and you could be fined with or without this person. That's another really important thing in a relationship you need to remember in a relationship, in the beginning of a relationship, whatever, when you're talking to somebody, even as long as you in your head know. That you would be fine. If tomorrow you had to be alone, would you ******* hate it and would it hurt more than anything ever? Yes. But you have to remember, I wouldn't. I would figure it out. I don't want to have to figure it out, and I ******* sure as hell hope I never have to, but. I know. That I would survive it. Even if you are like so ******* in love with this person, you have to remember that, like, even if tomorrow they were like, never ****. **** you, I'm out of here. Which usually doesn't happen if you're talking to somebody who's a good person. Umm. You still have to remember, if they left tomorrow, I could go back to being by myself and I would survive. Even if it hurt me really, really ******* bad, I could figure it out. Because somebody. When you have trust issues and **** like that. Getting into a relationship is messy. Not even necessarily for the other person, but for you because you're like, oh **** I have a lot to work through and I think that this is super normal. And I I mean, I know. I mean everyone I know. Has this problem, it's so normal. To like get into a relationship after being in a few. In your life and getting into a finally getting into a good relationship or one that you think is good, right? And then all of a sudden you're like, wait. I don't know if I believe it. Because. I've only ever been ****** over or things have only ever not really worked out. Why should I try this again? I don't believe this. You know what I mean. You're skeptical. That's normal and the only way to untrain yourself. From the relationship trust issues that you have is to be in a healthy relationship unfortunately. That's the only way to unlearn. You cannot. Expect to learn. That stuff. Without being. Proved wrong by somebody new. And I I truly believe that. I think it would be really hard. To unlearn your trust issues. Without being in a healthy relationship, I don't know if that's true. That's just my personal experience. I don't think that you can just figure that out on your own because. When you're single, you're not like. Tapped into that part of your brain? Where you're like, holy **** I'm like in love with this person and like, if they. I'm so scared, I'm scared, I'm scared. You don't tap into that when you're just single. You're like, oh, I love myself and I like, love my pets and I love my family and my friends and like, I love my life and like, blah, blah. And you're just like having fun with that, but you're not tapped into the love part because there's nobody triggering that. You have to learn that you can't. But then you like, you know, get feelings for somebody and then you're like, oh **** I have crazy trust issues. I didn't realize this because I wasn't in a relationship before, and now I'm in a relationship and I'm like, oh ****. This is uncomfortable because I'm now having to work through all this ****. Ouch. Here's my my closing statement, cause that was a lot. That was a lot. You know you're ready to start dating when you know that you could be happy without anyone in your life. And you're not. Searching for it and it stumbles into your lap. And it just makes sense. Not when you're looking every day. Trying to find it. ******* desperate for it, that's you're not ready, then you're ready. When? You're indifferent, and you're like if I found someone cool, but like, I'm happy alone right now. That's when you know. And As for your element about getting anxious and backing out of what could be a relationship? You're never gonna know what it could be until you try. And as long as you're honest with yourself about the red flags. And you are aware of them getting into something? And you back out then? As long as you're making your decision based off red flags and not based off your trust issues. You're golden because if you have red flags from the beginning and you're like, this is not right. Like there's something off here. Get the **** out. Because I always thought I was like, Oh my God. There's no way for there not to be red flags. Like, there has to be a few, right? I always believe that, like red flags were like. Industry standard. Like I thought that it was just like inevitable. That is not true y'all. There is not always red flags. It's hard to find. It is hard to find, but there are not always red flags. So. Try to find someone who has no red flags and if you cannot, figure out a red flag with this person in the moment that you're thinking about it. Then it's probably just your trust issues. Talking to you, being like, you don't want to do this again, you're going to get hurt again. You're gonna get hurt again. If you don't see any red flags, you go for it. You have no idea who this person could end up being in your life. You could marry this ************. Who knows? I'm moving on. That was a lot. OK, so I've told you guys about circle before, right? Spelled CIRKUL. Circle was created for people like me, OK, who don't drink enough water every day circles basically this water bottle with over 40 flavor cartridges that makes drinking water way more tasty. The flavors cover all the bases. They have fruit, punches, iced teas. Some even have caffeine or electrolytes, but there's no sugar, there's no calories, and there's no artificial flavors. My favorite flavor is strawberry Kiwi. And my favorite thing about it is I love how the dial on the cartridge lets you choose how much flavor you get per sip. All you have to do is twist the dial to a certain number for how much flavor that you want and you're ready to go. So the cool thing about it is that you can put the cartridge on. And you can set it to whatever setting you want. So you could set it to a setting where when you take a sip of water, it just tastes like water, so there's no flavor added. But if you're in the mood to add some flavor, you can twist it a little bit. And then you have a super flavorful sip. Right now Circle is giving all of my listeners. Up to 35% off their order, plus free shipping on all orders of $15 or more. Plus, as an added bonus, we're throwing in my favorite flavor, strawberry Kiwi, for free. Just visitdrinkcircle.com/emma that's drinkcirkul.com/emma to get this limited time offer today again, that's drinkcircle.com/emma somebody said. Is there an any app that you hate to use but use anyways? Twitter. I hate Twitter. I do not like it. I hate it. I love it for the podcast. It's amazing for the podcast. But just like randomly tweeting hate, it gives me so much anxiety. Twitter is easily the most toxic platform that exists. I don't like Twitter. I stay off of it as much as possible. Somebody said what was it like to release a planner, you know, funny story. I have this weird thing where if I work on something for a really, really long time, by the time that I put it out. I'm like. Oh my God. I don't even know anymore. Like I don't even know if I like it anymore. I'm like, I like have worked on this for so long that like now I'm starting to have my doubts and I always do that and I'm it used to happen with my videos when I edit a video for like. You know, 40 hours and then finally it'd be time to post and I'd be like. I don't even think I like it anymore. And I think with the planner part of my brain did that a little bit. It was kind of like. I worked on the planner for almost a year, if not even a little more than a year. And by the time it finally came out, it was so surreal. Because I've been working on it for so long that I almost was like, I was kind of sick of it in a sense. Because I was like, I have been working on this for so long that now I'm, like, not excited about the idea anymore because I've been just staring at it and working on it for a year, you know what I mean? But seeing everybody get them and be so excited about them and love them so much and, you know, seeing all of you guys in target, picking them up like it's been so ******* cool. And it really reminded me, like Emma, just because you've been staring at something for a year. Doesn't mean that everybody else has, nobody else has. Nobody else has seen it. So like, this is the first time everyone else is seeing it. Just because you've been staring at it forever doesn't in it's old to you now. It's not like that for everyone else. And so I've been trying to remember that with everything that I'm doing and I'm just so excited that you guys are ******* with it. And that's just like so cool because it was such a one off project. It was so random. So seeing you guys be pumped about it is just so cool. I mean, it's even the same thing with Chamberlain Coffee. I mean, mark your calendars for Sunday. There's something pretty big coming. And I've never been more excited for something in my life, but at the same time, I've been staring at it for so long and, like, working on it for so long that now I'm like scared because I'm like, holy **** the world's about to see this. And like, I, my brains all jumbled because I've been working on this for months and now everybody's going to see it and I'm like. This doesn't even feel real. Like, I don't even know. Like hopefully everybody likes it. Like I don't even know how I feel anymore. I know well with this Chamberlain coffee thing, I am like, I am obsessed. So I don't know. This is a very unique experience where I'm not having that complex. But still, when you work on something for a really long time, it starts to make you second guess. And I'm learning that that's not healthy, you know what I mean? But anyway. Somebody said. I've been dealing with internalized sexism and homophobia. Do you have any advice on how to get past those things so I feel comfortable with myself? Also, I love you in the podcast. Love you so much. I have not dealt with this personally. Umm. But I think that this. Issue of judging yourself and. Inner. Self loathing in a sense is just universal. I mean, I think everybody deals with this and whether it's your body, whether it's. Your career. Whether it's. Your relationships and your life and like feeling bad about those. Like no matter what it is, it's so normal for your mind to cling to something that you hate about yourself. But based on what I can see here, you're having. Issues with your sexuality and with your gender. Those are things that are so out of your control and also there is not one sex. Or one sexuality. That is not the same as the other. Does that make sense? Like? Your sexuality and your gender are. Exactly what make you you and obviously, and those things are up for your whatever you want them to be. It it doesn't matter. There's so much more. To a human being than those things. Those are OK think about when you're making a friend. Right. Are you concerned about their gender or about their sexuality? Or are you concerned about how they treat you as a friend? You're concerned about how they treat you as a friend. You're not worried about all that ****? That has nothing to do with who you are as a person. It has just as much to do with who you are as you want it to. It it is nothing, but really it has nothing to do with your identity. Who you are is based on how you treat others. And how you? Help the world and how you make the world a better place. And how? You decide to express yourself. That's what it is. OK, so never ever. Look in the mirror and judge yourself for those things because. Number one. They are what they are. In #2. Any person on this planet? Who gives you a hard time about your gender or your sexuality? Is. Not a person that you need to have in your life for one, and is not a good person. OK, because that does not matter. Imagine this. Imagine you. Meeting somebody who maybe has a different sexuality than you or a different gender than you. Imagine meeting somebody on the street. And them being so ******* nice to you, maybe them like maybe, let's say you dropped your credit card and they picked it up for you and they handed it to you and they were a different gender or a different sexuality. Would you be like any less grateful for what they did for you? No, they just picked up your credit card off the ground. It's a very nice thing to do. Who cares about that part? That doesn't matter. Imagine going to one of your friends who is a different gender or different sexuality than you. And judging them for that. Imagine that. Would you do that? I don't think so. Imagine yourself as a small baby. Imagine yourself as a child right now as like a ******* 3 year old. Would you talk to that three-year old and be like? Hey, I am judging you for your gender and your sexuality. I'm judging you for those two things. And I don't like it. Would you ever say that to your younger self? No, you'd be kind. To your younger self, I would hope there is nothing to be ashamed of. And. This is nothing to judge yourself for. There are so many more important things to be judging yourself for how you treat others. How you're treating yourself. Those are all things that you need to be checking in on, not like who you're attracted to and. How you were born or how you decide? To express yourself, those are all. Things. To be proud of. Truly. And I don't care what anyone else says. I love you for exactly who you are. And I don't care about any of that ****. That does not matter, and it's something to be. Proud of, and it's something to praise. And it's something to celebrate. Point blank. Somebody said, how are you? I am actually doing a lot better. Umm. My whole life. I've been a relatively anxious person. But within the last few months. My anxiety has gotten a lot worse. And. I can't put a finger on why. I don't know if it's just the quarantine. Well, we're not even really in quarantine anymore. I guess we kind of are. I don't know if it's the COVID Blues. I don't know if it's. I don't know if it's all the self reflection I've been doing. I don't exactly know where the anxiety is stemming from. But my anxiety is pretty bad. And. That's something that I'm really trying to figure out right now. And it's been tough because. I'm going through this phase right now where I'm like working through my anxiety trying to figure that out, but simultaneously I career wise and like YouTube Chamberlain Coffee podcast. And all of those things are like. Going through extremely pivotal moments. Like? Chamberlain Coffee is about to change. Night and day, you're not even gonna recognize that *****. My YouTube channel I'm kind of feeling like I need. To switch up the format. I'm like, you know what? I've been doing the same **** for so many years. I kind of want to. Try something new with it. I don't know what that means yet, but I've been feeling like that for about a month, and so that's something that I'm thinking about, you know what I mean? And. My life has also changed a lot. I went from somebody who liked to be social constantly and. Like constantly needed. To be around people and all that, to being somebody who prefers to be by myself and loves very small group of people and likes to be with them and likes to do **** with them, and that's the end of that. I've kind of like, I think it's just honestly, I feel like it's kind of like. Me shifting into being an adult, I feel like I'm. Maturing a lot right now. I feel like I've felt this like. Shift in my mind. Where I feel like I'm getting older and and this doesn't happen to me a lot, but I do feel it. Every once in a while, every few months, once a year, like. It depends, but like, I'm definitely feeling it right now. I'm feeling that shift happening where I feel like I'm I'm maturing a little bit and that affects everything. It makes me anxious because it's like, holy **** like my brain feels a little bit different. That's anxiety provoking. Also. As a maturing. Things with my YouTube Instagram. Podcast. Company Chamberlain. Coffee, merch, ******* whatever the ****. Projects I wanna work on, brands I wanna work with versus don't wanna work with. Like everything's changing. And evolving right in front of my eyes and it's all happening very quickly. I'm also working through recently like past trauma. For sure. Like, there's things that happened to you in your past, whether it's like, you know, my parents getting divorced or, you know? Toxic relationships I've been in that have kind of ****** ** my head, **** like that. You have to unlearn a lot of that, and I think that recently I've had the right people in my life. For the first time ever. And that's forcing me to like. Move past those things. But it's a marathon and it's not a Sprint, and I can't just wake up tomorrow and be like, oh, I just trust everyone now. Or. Oh. Myself esteem is no longer affected by these things that have happened to me in my past. Like you can't just wake up and those things go away, but I think it's having the right people in your life. That show you. That. Oh wait. My past. And the way that my past has affected my brain in the way that I think about things and the way that I look about. In the way that I look at things is not accurate. That's something that happened in the past with very specific people. And we're in very specific situations and like. That's not how every situation is going to be moving forward. That was just that situation and. It's just so important. To be proved wrong. But it's hard to find those people. And a lot of it. Starts with you doing your best to do that work on your own, but at a certain point. Sometimes you need to have people in your life that push you. To be the best that you can be and part of being the best that you can be. Is to let go. Of all that. Somebody said if you could spread one message to the world and everyone would listen to you, what would you say? Well, unfortunately nobody would probably listen to me, but. I just wish. I would say this. I would say, listen, everybody. We have one. Life, we got one chance that we know of. Who knows what exists after? After we pass away, but. We have one life right now in this body. One life. 1. Let's just make it 1 big party. Yes, we have to work. Yes, we have to do the ****** stuff. I get it. Yes, we have to pay taxes. I know there's a lot of **** that is not good and it is unfortunate, but let's just have fun with it. Let's be nice to each other. Let's be understanding with one another. Let's be kind to one another and let's just have fun. Like, let's make this **** fun, right? Because we got one of these. So let's make it fun. Stop being mean to everyone. Mind your own ******* business. Stay in your lane. Let people be happy. Be happy yourself and. Make your life as fun as you possibly can because you got one. Fall in love with people. Go crazy. Cook something that you won't love for your friends and family. ******* go on a trip. Go on a walk. Go for a jog, make coffee in the morning and complete silence in your home. Whatever. Make it fun, but mind your own business and have fun with it. That's it. That's all I ask. And be ******* nice. That's it. It's so easy. Imagine if everybody was like that. How easy it would be? OK, it it would be very, very nice. If everyone would just do that. Somebody said, I know it's probably too late to ask questions. No, it's not. Would you rather explore space, like outer space, or the sea like the ocean? The ocean personally. I'm not a huge fan of the whole gravity not existing thing. I don't like sitting. For a long time, so being in a spaceship for me wouldn't be so good. I also get a little bit claustrophobic here and there. So not a huge fan of that. I actually have a phobia of space. I really don't like it. I love earth. I love Earth, I love our planet and I just don't want to go anywhere else. To be honest, I would if somebody was like, you can go to the moon right now, I'd be like, no thanks. Like, I genuinely wouldn't like that I have no interest. There's certain things that I just have no interest in because the risks outweigh the experience, and I will name a few. Skydiving. No, I don't need to. I don't need to do that. Unfortunately. There's no reason for me to do that. I I don't care. Roller coasters, even. OK, yeah, it's like fun and I like enjoy it. And I'm not even scared of them. But I also feel like what if it broke? Like, what's the point? Amusement parks parks are like grimy. I don't know, I just unless it's like Disneyland because Disneyland's chill as **** like those rides like are not dangerous at all. So definitely the ocean. I'd love to go down into the ocean, see what kind of cool like shipwrecks I could find. I'd love that. Somebody said should I get a nose job? I've always been someone who is like. If you want to get a nose job. If you want to get lip injections. If you want to. Actually, do you know what? I haven't always been like that. OK, let me explain. I think when I was younger. I used to be like. I used to struggle with people getting work done because I was very insecure myself and I felt like it was unfair. That you could just change whatever you wanted about yourself. And I think I was jealous that I couldn't when I was younger cause I was like, this is not fair. Like these grown-ups can go and ******* like, get a different nose that they want and like I'm stuck with mine. That doesn't seem fair. And I think it also. Made me overthink, like, should I change something about myself when I get older and I think I just had a very toxic relationship with the idea of getting work done in any capacity, but as I've grown older I've realized. There is nothing wrong with it. As long as. I think you're honest. And you're like, yeah. I did get a nose job. Or. I did get Botox or did get lip filler, I think. I think the important thing is. If you feel comfortable, you know, being open about those things and being transparent, I think that that is so important because I think that that. Makes it. Healthier for younger generations and stuff to see that and be like, OK, well, they changed those things about themselves. So the fact that like I am the way that I am. Is normal. You know what I mean, because they look so perfect. Because. They have enhanced their features to look like that, but, and I could do that too if I wanted, you know what I mean? Like making it an open conversation. I think that's very important because I think that. Young adults and kids and you know, they don't understand how someone can look really perfect. And they can't understand why they don't look like that. But there are certain beauty standards. That we have that are just unrealistic. Like having really massive lips. That's not something that everyone has. Having a perfect nose, that's not something that everyone has. Having a perfectly smooth forehead, that's not something that everyone has. Those are things that like some people are born with, for sure. But also. Most people are not. And. If that's something that you want to do and that's something that you're excited about and that. You think will make your life better? In a way, go for it. Nobody should judge you for any personal decision that you make, because to be completely honest here. It's no one else's business. Who cares? They don't have to do it. Whatever, it doesn't matter. I think it's more about. Being, you know, transparent and honest about the process and, like, not lying to people, being like, no, this is my natural face or, you know, whatever, when it's not. Because I think that that can be damaging. But I think that as long as you're open about it and you're honest, like if I ever got work done in any capacity, I would let you guys know and we'd have a conversation about it because I think that. It's important. To be honest about those things. So that it doesn't damage someone, you know what I mean. I say get the nose job. If you want to get a nose job, get it. But also if you don't, your nose is beautiful exactly how it is, and you don't need to change it. But if you really want to, girl, I'm on your team. Whatever will make you happiest. Somebody said how should I tell my parents that I think that they should split up without sounding rude? I mean, their relationship is so toxic I think it would be best. So I don't think that you should. Tell them that they should split. At first I think that. The first conversation that needs to be had. Is a wake up call conversation, right? So you go to them and you say guys. Listen. Being in this House around you guys. Constantly arguing, constantly being toxic with one another. Makes my life miserable. To be honest and and say that, be like this makes my life miserable. Because guess what? Your parents had you and you are their responsibility. They brought you on to this earth. That is something that they did. They made that decision to have you and while you were living under their roof. You have the right to be like, I'm miserable because you guys are fighting, making this living environment so toxic. You absolutely have the right. To tell them that. Because. You are their responsibility. You can't fend for yourself, yet you are a child. It is their responsibility to make your life as amazing as possible. So I think starting out by saying. You know, you guys arguing constantly makes it really hard for me. Mentally and like. I don't know what you guys want to do to fix it, but I just wanted to let you guys know and you know you guys can have your own separate conversation about. How we can make this a better situation but like? I just need you to know that, like, this is really toxic and terrible for me. And I wish you the most of luck. And I know how tough it is. Things with parents can be really tough. Especially when you're under their roof, because you know you don't really have a lot of control over ****. But I wish you luck and I love you so much and you can get through this and on that note. I'm wrapping up this episode. Thank you guys for listening to me talk for literally an hour. I love hanging out with you guys and I can't wait to talk to you guys next week. About Chamberlain coffee. I'm going to dedicate an entire episode next week to Chamberlain Coffee and I cannot wait. Even though that might be like, OK, well, what do you have to say? Well, I have some things to say, so stay tuned. I love you all. Stay safe. Treat yourself with love. Treat others with love. And talk soon. Love you all. Peace. We're here with Phil talking about what's new with heart Nissan. Phil, what are some good reasons somebody should buy now? That's a great question. We all know that car shopping could be an overwhelming process. Plus people are uncertain about a lot these days. Our Nissan recognize that. So we rolled up a heart rewards program. All new and pre-owned vehicle purchases get one year identity theft Protection 3, Virginia State inspections and multi point inspections. One year tire Rd Hazard with roadside assistance. Three day vehicle exchange and every purchase or service earns heart rewards points. That's a ton of stuff. It's amazing. Offering all those benefits. It can really save people a lot of headaches and of course, money. Exactly. And we have even more savings right now. Get 0% financing on all new and certified pre-owned Nissan in our inventory. Phil, thanks so much for coming in. Hartnissan.com right, you got it. Hartnissan.com or check us out in the Apple App Store or Google Play Store. Use your head and trust your heart. That's $20,000 for 60 months with Tier 1. Approval with MC dealer. Full details.