Anything Goes with Emma Chamberlain

Emma prefers to share her thoughts with a microphone rather than a physical human being, so thank god she has a podcast. Recorded from the comfort of her bed, Emma talks at length about whatever is on her mind every week. Anything really does go on this podcast. Sometimes philosophy, sometimes a random story from 10 years ago, sometimes advice, and sometimes nothing at all. You never know what you are going to get, but that’s what keeps it interesting. New episodes every Thursday.

mind your own business

mind your own business

Thu, 20 May 2021 10:00

Often it can feel like drama is all around us, like it follows us and we can’t get away from it. Or, we find ourselves seeking it when we know it’s bad for us. This week Emma is chatting about all things drama: how it occurs, why we’re drawn to it, and provides insight an examples of how we can avoid it and live a much happier and stress-free life. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: Learn more about your ad choices. Visit

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Let me tell you about my morning. So I woke up early this morning and felt inspired to. Kind of meal prep, right? Like Cook some things that I can eat throughout the week. If I'm feeling lazy. You know the drill, so I spend about an hour preparing ingredients and assembling. Ingredients, and then I threw everything into the oven. At 375 and I go to set a timer for 20 minutes and I realize that my phone is upstairs. So I was like, Oh no problem, I'll just go upstairs and set a timer for 20 minutes. Well, I. Seemed to have forgotten that I put everything into the oven from the time that I. Left my kitchen. To the time I entered my bedroom, I already forgot. That I had put things in the oven. I think you can probably imagine what happens next. An hour and a half goes by. I go downstairs. I smell burning. My life flashes before my eyes. I open the oven. Smoke comes out. Everything is burnt to a crisp. I was heartbroken. Heart broken. I spent so much time and used so many ingredients. To make this food all for it to be burnt to a crisp, I. Couldn't believe myself. I was so angry. And then, to make matters worse, I burned my hand on one of the pans. While trying to shovel everything into the trash, I burned myself. So yeah, that's how my morning went. Umm. But hey, it's only two PM right now. As I'm recording this. I totally have time to turn it around. And do you know what? I'm actually going to turn this into a fun thing and I'm just going to eat out all week. I'm just going to go to restaurants instead. I'm done. I you know what? I don't trust myself. I need a break from cooking. OK? Because apparently I'm getting reckless in the kitchen and things like this are happening and I can't so. I am going to be strictly. Eating out this week. So anyway, that's my morning that that's how my morning's going. But what are we talking about today? Today we are going to be talking about how I learned to stay out of drama, to mind my own business. And stay in my own ******* lane. That is what we're talking about today and. I want to start this off by saying that I did not always live a drama free life. I didn't always. Know how to stay in my own lane, in fact. When I was younger. I was kind of nosy, like I've always been kind of a nosy person. And. I haven't always been repulsed by drama. You know what I'm saying? I'm not even necessarily repulsed by drama now, but I haven't always steered clear of drama. I haven't always, like, avoided drama. And gossip and all that kind of stuff, like. When I was in middle school, in high school. I would participate just like the next guy. You know what I'm saying in any kind of drama. And I think that's pretty normal for people who are young adults. I think there's. A lot more drama between young adults. Maybe that's not true. I mean, I think drama lasts your whole life, but I don't know, I feel like young people. Maybe are more prone to experiencing drama because they haven't learned. How to handle situations with? Perfect grace. Yet obviously, you know, I think that's why there is so much drama in high school and in middle school because it's like, you know, you put a bunch of kids together, what do you expect? There's going to be arguments. There's going to be kids that hate each other. There's going to be, you know, immature relationships like all of that. It's inevitable. So. When I was in middle school, in high school, like, I dealt with drama. Like there was a lot of drama going on. Whether it was like, you know, between friend groups or with boys or like, whatever it was, there was drama, inevitably and. That was normal. Like, I feel like that was standard. Like everybody was dealing with drama at that time. But, you know, then I left school and I was in the real world and when I first. Was existing. In the real world, like my first, let's say, year and a half of not going to school anymore and having to kind of fend for myself in the real world. I felt like I still was surrounded by a lot of drama and. It didn't occur to me up until about a year ago, maybe two years ago now. I don't know that. Like, I didn't need to. Be a part of drama like I like. There was more drama in my life than there needed to be, and it was because I was allowing it to be there. The thing is, you know, when you're in school and stuff, it's a lot harder to avoid drama because you're forced to see the same people every day. Even if you have like a certain job that requires you to see the same people every day. It's a lot harder to avoid drama in those, you know, environments. But for me, like I could choose. Who my friends were, and I can choose who my friends are. And I'm, you know, the pool of people that I can choose to surround myself with aren't confined to just who's at my work or who's at my school. You know what I'm saying? Because it's like. Once you graduate. Especially it's like. You're in the real world now, like, that's your pool of who you can hang out with. Whereas when you're at school, it's more like who you hang out with at school, you know, and who you see at school. It's like that's your pool of people to choose from. And when you have a small pool, it's like, not good. It's it's a lot harder to have balance. But when you can choose anybody you want in the whole world, you know? Then you have a lot more control over. Who you want to surround yourself with and you know. Whether or not you want to allow in drama, basically, but. I know that everything I just said kind of makes it sound like it's impossible to. Avoid drama and avoid gossip and avoid all of that stuff when you know. You're in school or you're in a work environment. Where you were around the same people every day, but I don't think that that's true. I I think it's more that just for me personally, I wasn't able to learn. How to avoid drama and gossip until I was out of all of that and I you know. Was kind of on my own in the world and like, didn't. Have my. Social interactions decided for me. You know what I'm saying? But I think that you can absolutely avoid drama and absolutely avoid, you know, gossip and stuff like that in those environments as well and so. Today I'm going to be giving you my tips and my kind of. Life. Rules, if you will. That helped me avoid drama, stay in my own lane, mind my own business and just live the most socially. Rewarding life because being social and being around other human beings is like one of the main things we do as human beings. And it can be awful, right? But it can also be good if you know how to handle it and you know how to. You know, just do it, right? And so I'm gonna talk about all the things that I do, and you guys can take these or leave it. And. I hope you enjoy. Now, first let's talk about gossip. So gossiping has always been something that I've kind of not like struggled with, but that I've always. Kind of dappled in a little bit, and it's not because I'm like, even necessarily hating on anybody. It's just because I've always been very passionate about analyzing people, like that's always been something that stimulated my brain. But you know. Everything is good in moderation, but if you aren't. You know, being balanced with it, it can get out of hand. And I know for me like. Even if I'm just. Quote UN quote gossiping to my mom or to a really close friend where the gossiping is technically harmless. Like if I do it too much, it can start to harm me, even if it never ends up getting back to the person that I'm talking about. Or even if the gossip itself is harmless. It's not even necessarily negative or mean. If I don't. Control myself and if I don't gossip in moderation like it harms me whether it harms others or not. I think I got to a point. Probably two years ago where I was like too concerned about what everybody else was doing and I was too concerned about what my own opinion of it was. So like, let's say, you know somebody. Decided to. God, I don't know. Like what? Something I would gossip about. I'm trying to think, let's say somebody started like, drinking a lot of alcohol and, like, doing a lot of drugs. You know what I'm saying? Like, let's say somebody did something like that and I knew about it. I wouldn't even have to gossip to somebody else about it. I would gossip within my own head like I was getting to a point where I was gossiping in my own head about people all the time. And then occasionally I would talk about it to like my mom or my dad or like one of my really close friends. But like above all, I was just gossiping and judging. People in my own mind. And it was a waste of energy. Like, why was I wasting my time, you know, forming opinions about what other people are doing when it's really none of my business, you know what I mean? And if there's nothing I can do to, like, help them or stop them or guide them on a better path, then it's like, why am I even thinking about it? Or if somebody, you know, cut their hair in a way that, like, I don't think looks good or if somebody got married, you know, at 14 or something extreme like that, like, I would spend hours per day. Just thinking in my own mind about what other people were doing and judging them and like. Having my own opinions and whether or not those even had the light of day and ever even got spoken out loud, like I was spending so much time doing that. And that's not positive, that's not constructive. It's not helpful, and even if it doesn't necessarily harm anybody else, and even if it's just in your head, it's still gossiping and it's still negative. So. I realized this and I realized that I needed to like, figure something out, right? Because this was like consuming my mind and was almost becoming a hobby. And I realized. Quickly, that it was because it was distracting me from my own problems. You know, when I was looking at what other people were doing and judging them and internally gossiping about them, I was distracting myself from my own discomforts in my own life, my own insecurities in my own life, my own. Embarrassing moments or bad decisions in my own life, if I was fixating on what other people were doing, I didn't have to fixate on myself. And so I realized in that moment, OK, I need to, actually. Do some work on myself here. So that I can avoid this gossip, you know, and luckily, all of this gossip and judgment that was internal, it it never harmed anybody except for me. It only harmed me because. I never shared it with anybody, but like my parents and close friends or myself, so it's not like it ever got back to them and hurt them, but it was just it was just simply a waste of my own energy. So I made it a rule. That I would simply keep any kind of gossip or talking about other people. To a minimum. And that's very vague, right? It's like, OK, keep it to a minimum. Like, what's a minimum? I have some friends and family members who wear contacts, and honestly, I can't imagine how much of a pain it must be to always have to go to the eye doctor, go in for unnecessary tests. When you know that your prescription hasn't changed. It's so time-consuming and so stressful. I truly can't imagine one 800 contacts has been making people's lives so much easier and delivering contact lenses for 27 years. They make getting contacts super fast and easy. Even if you have a really strong prescription, all you have to do is order the same contacts you would get from your doctor. Just look on the side of your contacts box for that info. You can order online, over the phone, or with their app, and they ship them fast and free to your home. You can even renew your prescription. Online using their express exam and there are so many benefits to going through. One 800 contacts. They guarantee if you find your contacts at a lower price elsewhere, they'll beat it. And I mean, who doesn't like to save a little money? Speaking of which, new customers can get extra discounts when you check out their site, and their 24/7 customer support is so helpful that it's award-winning. So let one 800 contacts get you the contact lenses you need. Order online at one 800 contacts. Dot com #1. I made it a rule that if I'm talking about somebody else verbally right out loud. Everything that I say, I I only allow myself to say it. If I would say it to their face now, occasionally. Occasionally. And maybe not even occasionally, actually. There are moments when I will say things that I wouldn't say to somebody's face behind their back, but that's only really to my parents or to like my closest friend, like, that's it. And besides that, I would never and I don't say anything about anybody that I wouldn't want them. To find out that, I said. And guess what? Sometimes it might be constructive criticism, sometimes behind somebody's back. I might be like, I don't think that they're handling their life very well right now with the way that they're doing something, but if they ended up finding out that I said that. Like, who cares? Because I believe that to be true, and I would say it to their face. The reason why I'm not saying it to their face is because they haven't asked me for advice, so I'm not going to. Give them advice that they're not asking for, but if they ever did, I would absolutely say it to their face, you know what I'm saying? So that's rule #1 the good thing about. Living by this rule that. You don't talk about somebody unless you would be OK if they heard. What you were saying is that this number one relieves anxiety because you never have to worry about this getting back to them, you know, because you're confident in what you're saying. And if it did get back to them, it'd probably be good for them, right? But also, it's like you're putting so much less negative energy out there and it's just overall better, you know, not to talk about people in a way that's just mean and just degrading it. It makes you feel better about yourself. It also makes you more enjoyable to talk to. Nobody wants to talk to somebody that's just ******** on other people all day long. It's just not fun. But, you know, if you have constructive commentary about somebody's actions, that's not necessarily negative. That's just your opinion and that's just an observation and you know. I I think that there's a. Good distinction there, you know. And I I find that to be really helpful. But the other thing I do is that I do my absolute best not to seek out drama or gossip like if I hear about it, great, that's fine, but I make an effort to like, not look for it. And if I hear about it or if I see it? I kind of just let it go in one ear and out the other. Like I make a conscious effort not to like overthink. Anything that doesn't have to do with me, like. I won't go and investigate more. I won't go and ask more questions I won't like. Let it consume me, because it's really easy when you're maybe a nosy person or somebody that likes to analyze others. It's really easy to, like, find out about a little bit of drama or gossip and to, like, dig into it and, you know, look into it. I've made a conscious effort to stop doing that, and sometimes I have to force myself to stop and be like Emma. Just don't just don't ask any more questions. Don't go stalk somebody on social media to find out more about this drama. Just stop. Let it end, you know what I mean? Let it go in one ear and out the other, and that's been really helpful. It's like. You choose what type of information that you absorb. You have to make a conscious effort, but you choose that. So I've made the conscious effort to choose not to absorb gossip and drama. Like if somebody tells me something like a secret, like, let's say somebody's like, ooh, I just found out these two people are dating. But like, it's a secret. Instead of, like, sitting there and, like, thinking about it and like, you know, or even going on social media and like, stalking their accounts and being like, Oh my God, like, you know, and and trying to analyze, like, what kind of couple. They probably are. Like, that's the stuff I used to do instead of doing that. Now, though, I hear the information and I'm like, wow, that's interesting, and then I allow myself to forget about it. And I kind of forced myself to forget about it. And with practice it gets so much easier. But the reason why this is so good is because you're not weighed down with all by all this gossip. Like it's so easy to just fill your brain with gossip and with information about other people, but that's really not useful. You can use that space in your brain for much more constructive things. But the last thing I'm gonna say about gossip is that you also need to be mindful about gossiping about yourself, because I find I used to do this like. I'd be hanging out with people and I would just start, like, gossiping about literally myself. Like, talk about, like, you know, Oh my God, like one time I dated this guy and I did this and like, you know, like, I would tell these stories, right? And I would be gossiping about myself in, in kind of a negative or dramatic way. And it was because it's easy to talk about, like. It's easy to. Get somebody to want to listen to you if you're, like, gossiping about yourself, but that's harmful. You know it's harmful long term because then the next day you're like, I feel like I overshared and like, I don't feel good about that. And I wasn't really telling stories about myself that were positive for my own narrative or for my own. Identity. Like, those aren't stories that are helpful, you know, and so. Be mindful of gossiping about yourself. Tell stories about yourself that are empowering. Or even funny, like, even. Embarrassing, but like not stories that are gossipy about yourself. I hope that that makes sense. But. That's absolutely an element of gossiping. And so learning to talk about other things, whether that's things that you're interested in or embarrassing, funny, lighthearted stories about yourself, those are all just as interesting as some dirty gossip story about yourself. Like people are going to listen to you just the same. You don't need to be extreme in those ways. You don't need to be extreme and overshare in those ways, being vulnerable and telling stories about yourself is amazing and is so important for connecting with other human beings. But there's a line there. And you don't have to take it to a point where you're almost degrading yourself by the stories that you're telling about yourself. So the next kind of genre of things we're going to talk about is gravitating towards drama out of boredom, OK? This is more like when you're by yourself. This is kind of more on like what I touched on earlier about the internal gossiping, the gossiping that happens within your own mind. Let's get into it O. The first thing that I do to avoid gravitating towards drama and gossip out of boredom is to stop hate watching or hate stalking people. Now listen, I'm embarrassed to admit that I do this, but I really think everybody does. It's like when you hate somebody or you don't like somebody. They're interesting to you. Whether it's like somebody you've dated, you know, whether it's like your significant others ex or it's one of your ex best friends, or it's just somebody on the Internet that just ****** you off. It's so easy to go and stalk them and see what they're up to and to like fill your mind with just judgment and gossip about them from doing that. You know, it's so easy and it but but let me tell you, it's like junk food for your brain because in the moment it's entertaining. And in the moment. It feels good in a way. But long term, it's. Not good. It's like. It's like a lazy form of entertainment, you know what I'm saying? It's not challenging at all. It's kind of like scratching an itch. It's satisfying in the moment, but it's it's not good for you long term because. It's just putting negativity into your brain. And then that, you know, that lingers and that makes your mindset worse. It's like you are what you consume, you know? And if you're consuming like negative media by hate watching or hate stalking people on the Internet like that becomes you, you know? And that's not good. You don't want that, right? So I've been working on spending my time watching or looking at inspiring things that help to grow your personality and your interests. That could be like, I love watching cooking videos because they're fun, they're entertaining. But I learned things from it. Like, I've learned so many things about cooking from watching videos about it. Ironic because they burned everything in my oven this morning, but, you know, like. That's constructive. It's still fun and entertaining, and, you know, I still get to relax while I'm watching it. I can still watch that stuff in bed, but it's at least more helpful or more positive, or even. You know, watching a YouTuber that you really like that, you know? Makes you feel good. That's positive. That's a good thing. That's a step in the right direction. Or. Going on Instagram and stocking somebody's Instagram who? You don't. Compare yourself to you actually are inspired by, right? Or some like somebody who is inspiring to you, like you can go and stalk their Instagram instead. That's so much more positive. Or my favorite and probably the best option would be, you know. To listen to some sort of educational podcast, whether it's about politics or about science or about nutrition or about. History like something fun and easy to digest. But that's useful. There are moments when you just want to lay in bed and you don't want to read a book and you don't wanna journal. You wanna consume easy to digest media. There are moments like that. It's about using that time wisely. Like there are so many positive things you can find on the Internet. It's about discipline and and, you know, not letting yourself go and look at those accounts. Block them if you have to. You know, whatever it may be like, don't let yourself do it. It's bad. And the other added bonus about, you know, maybe listening to educational podcasts or watching educational YouTube videos or. You know, watching a YouTube or stalking it, inspiring Instagram account that makes you feel good. The. Added bonus of using your free time. Like that. Is that? It gives you more to talk about in conversation. Rather than just immediately starting to talk about gossip because maybe you learned something interesting about cooking that day and you can share that with your friend. You could be like, Oh my God, I had no idea. Like, it takes 36 hours to make croissants. Like, I had no idea. But like, we should try it sometime like that. You see? It's like it's a chain reaction, right? If you hate watch a YouTube or you hate for three hours. What are you going to talk about when you hang out with your friends later? You're gonna talk about that YouTuber that you hate? OK, if you stopped? Your significant others ex for two hours. Earlier in the day, when you hang out with your friends later, what are you going to talk about? You're gonna talk about what you found. Whereas if you listen to a podcast about biology. You're gonna be more inclined to talk about. Biology or something more interesting or something more helpful with your friends when you hang out with them later, you see what I'm saying? It's a chain reaction. And I know that on the Internet it's so easy. To, you know, look up a hate video or look up a drama video or look up at video or if you're on Instagram so easy to look at, you know, drama accounts that are talking about all the Internet drama or, you know, more in your personal life. It's so much easier to, just, like, go on social media and, like, look at what all of your classmates are. Work acquaintances are doing in in. Be nosey into their lives like I know on on the Internet. It's really hard to avoid that stuff, and I'm not saying that it's easy, but. It's about getting into a rhythm and making it a habit to gravitate towards that useful content on the Internet instead. And my last point about gravitating towards drama? Out of boredom is if you're hanging out with your friends and you guys are all sitting around and you guys are bored and next thing you know all of you guys are talking **** about people. Listen, it happens to everybody and it's normal and I think to a certain extent it's not. Bad. Like, I think to a certain extent. Like, you can gossip and you can talk **** a little bit here and there and it'd be fine. But if your friends and you are just constantly hanging out and talking **** about people because you guys are bored, it's time to find some fun group activities because you can't just sit around and do that ****. It's not good and it's lazy. And it and it's. In it stems from boredom, right? Go try out a new restaurant with your friends. Maybe try to make food with your friends. You guys can all go to the grocery store and make a recipe together. You guys could try a new workout class. You guys could. Go on a walk. And. See what you find. You know what I mean? Like, there's so many other things you guys could do. You guys could go to a ******* roller rink. I don't know, go to a go to a roller rink and rollerblade around. Personally, I hate rollerblading. It's like my least favorite thing to do ever. But, like, maybe you like it. Maybe go ******* rock climbing. Just don't let. Your Hangouts with your friends. Be all about gossiping and drama because that. Leaves everybody feeling like **** when they go home, you know what I mean? It's just not good. It's not positive. What does it really take to make it in New York City when you're young? The come up is a new freeform docu reality series on Hulu. It follows 6 ambitious creative 20 somethings in NYC as they break the status quo and take up all the space. It's a real look into how this next generation of icons are breathing life back into the downtown scene, all while pursuing their dreams, which is a long way of saying they're killing it. The show follows Sophia, a breakthrough photographer who shot her first spread for nylon at just 13 and has been shooting major campaigns ever since. Fernando Modeling's next international star, Tawfiq, the youngest fashion designer to show at New York Fashion Week, Claude, a New York native and aspiring actress. Ben arising, entertainer from Texas and a newbie to New York City, and Ebon, a trans rights activist and fixture of New York underground nightlife. This is now or never. With big goals and even bigger ceilings to break through, they'll need to bust their ***** to chase their dreams. It's time to hustle free forms the come up new episodes Wednesdays on Hulu. Next, we're going to talk about how to avoid drama in social situations. My first rule for myself is to literally be nice to everybody. And obviously, you know, we're going to slip up here and there because we're human. Like I, you know, I can remember. A few moments in the past few months where I maybe wasn't as nice as I should have been, for example, like. Some lady bumping into me at the grocery store and me accidentally giving her a dirty look. You know what I'm saying? Or like. I remember one time like one of my neighbors like. Said something rude about. Me leaving my trash bins out too long and like my reaction maybe wasn't as nice as it should have been. And those are all in moments when somebody catches me in in a bad moment, but generally I try to be as nice to everybody as I possibly can. Rule of thumb, just kill everybody with kindness. If they're an ******* to you, don't raise your voice, don't react. Just say sorry and move on. Don't give them the reaction like. No matter if somebody's giving you a hard time or if they're being annoying, just kill them with kindness. I've learned that. This is like. The best thing you can implement into your own life. Like I used to have an attitude sometimes. Like if somebody would be an ******* to me, I would just be an ******* back. Or if somebody was rude to me at the store, I would be an ******* back. Like it was just. I was matching other people's energy, you know what I'm saying? If they were being an ******* I was an *******. If they were nice, I was nice. If they were annoying, I was an *******. Like, it was like, that's. How I used to be when I was a little bit more immature, right? But I've I've learned that just being nice to everybody, it just makes everything so much easier. And also you can feel good and proud knowing that. Even if somebody is rude or annoying that you're still nice to them and that takes strength and maturity, and that's something to be proud of because not everybody can do it and it takes a lot of practice. Well, I mean, everybody could do it, but not everybody cares enough to do it, right? Anybody could do it. But most people don't. Care enough to do it because it's a lot easier to just be an *******. Back to an *******. It takes a little bit more strength to. Swallow your ego and just to be nice no matter what, right? But let me tell you, it causes so much less drama. For example, I used to have these friends that had a raging attitude. Towards everybody. They were just they they handled everything with this attitude, right? And they. You know. I remember one time. We rented. A boat. And. I I can't remember the story properly, but we, like, we didn't dock the boat correctly. And some dad came out and started yelling at us and was like saying that we were irresponsible and that we were like, you know, like, you know, even like yelling rude names at us and stuff like that and just calling us stupid and like, whatever. And. My friends at the time handled it in a way that I think is a great example of how you shouldn't. It's basically the exact opposite of what I'm talking about here. They. Started yelling **** back at him and and just made him more and more mad until it just became this entire explosive argument between us and this guy. And that moment was really like it. It put me and my friends into a bad mood for the rest of the day. And I thought about it and I was like, you know, if we just would have said, hey, sorry that we, you know, didn't dock the boat correctly. Umm, do you have any advice on how we could, like, do this better? If we would have handled it like that. I know for a fact that that dude would have softened up a little bit and he would have been like. Actually, yeah, sure. Like I bet 99% chance that that guy would have. Turned his attitude around and ended up being kind and who knows, it could have actually been a heartwarming experience. He could have helped us dock the boat and it could have actually ended up being really. Positive, you know, but instead because you know. We fought fire with fire. It caused this whole explosive argument that ended up like making everybody in a bad mood for the rest of the day. And. Like that's not. How you want to handle things. Just because somebody else is being an ******* doesn't mean that you should be an *******. Because look where it gets you. You know what I mean? It ruins your day. It ruins everybody's day. Whereas if you respond with kindness and you respond with a level of calm and. You almost make them feel stupid for being an ******* in the 1st place. You win. You win. And maybe they could win too. If they soften up a little bit and stop being an ******* right then everybody wins. It's like. You can turn a negative situation like that into a positive if you just. Don't fight fire with fire and you. Stay strong and you stay nice. Truly. And let's say in the off chance that you're nice and they're still an ******* guess what? You can go to sleep at night. And feel good about the fact that you at least handled it better than they did, you know? I don't know but. That's a huge way that I've. Learn to avoid drama. It's it seems so simple, but it you know, a lot of people are. Wanna just argue? You know what I mean? And are OK with arguing and we'll handle situations in a petty fashion just because. They're like, oh, you're an *******. I'm an ******* now. But like, that's and that's fine. Like, whatever. But. It doesn't need to end badly like you can really, really. If you're nice enough, you can turn it around, usually. Another thing. That I do to avoid drama socially. Is that I? Do not participate in any form of pettiness at all, OK? If like, let's use, let's find some excuses for pettiness, right? Let's say. You and your friend are having a disagreement. And. Your friend starts to make like petty remarks about you. Like being like. Let's say for me. Right. Let's say I'm having a debate with my friend about something like history or science, right? And let's say, like, we're having a disagreement. And let's say my friend says to me, well, you didn't even finish high school, you ******* idiot. Like? The the moment that things get petty at all. And things go from being. Rational constructive argument or like. Rational discussion. The 2nd that things go from rational to irrational and petty is the 2nd that I just immediately removed myself. Like I don't participate, I don't fire back, I don't. Stoop down to that level. I literally, I will stop responding to texts. I will not answer your call. I will get up and walk out of the room like I do not have any patience for any level of pettiness. The 2nd that things. Are no longer mature. Our own are no longer constructive in are no longer useful or mature. I am out. I will walk away. I will block your ******* number. I don't care. I have no. Tolerance for that. And in the past, I would have fought back. I would have been. Well, you're getting ****** grades in college, you know what I'm saying? Like, I would have fought back, right? And. Stoop down to the to the level and been petty too, but. No, like none of that anymore or let's say like. I text somebody and they don't text me back. Then finally when they text me back like a week later. I'm not going to be petty and, like, not respond. Unless, like, I don't have anything to say, but like, if I have something to say, like, sure, I'll respond. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't wanna start pettiness in any kind of areas. There's so many more excuses of like pettiness in day-to-day life. But. I just will not participate in it whatsoever. Like I will just remove myself from any petty conversation. It's just. It you don't have to participate in it. You choose to participate in what you participate in. You choose that on a day-to-day basis. Every day you have the choice to participate in hundreds of in hundreds of things, and you decide whether you do that or not. Let's say you know you're in a relationship and your significant other comes home and they're being petty, like they're just being an *******. They're just making little jabs that are rude because they're just in a bad mood. You have an option. You have a choice. You can fight back and be petty back, or you can say I really don't like the way that you're speaking to me and. You're not being very nice and you're being petty towards me and like when you're ready to. Not do that anymore. Let me know. But until then, like, I'm. I'm gonna go in the other room. Like, I don't wanna ******* be around you right now. Like I can't be around this. And you have that choice. You have that choice. To just walk away from it. And so that's another way I avoid a lot of drama is just by like before I even can fight back. I'm out, I'm out, I leave. Another rule of thumb that I have is that I don't raise my voice at anybody. I don't yell at anybody. Ever. I can't remember the last time I yelled at somebody. Occasionally my parents and I will yell at each other, but that is a complete. That is a very different exception. Like, I feel like that's just inevitable. Family, the the rules are different. You know what I mean? Like, you're going to get frustrated with your family members. You might yell a little bit here and there. I mean, obviously avoid it and try not to but like it. That's where it slips up sometimes, you know what I'm saying? But. Generally I handle arguments disagreements. Or disrespect. In a level tone, I've taught myself over the years to not raise my voice. When I'm upset, or when I'm frustrated, or when I disagree with somebody and I find that this helps keep the conversations rational and not dramatic, right? The second you start raising your voice is the 2nd that things go crazy. If you can, keep your voice. Calm and collected. I find that it's easier to keep the things that you're saying calm and collected and not overreact or say something that you don't mean. The 2nd that things start to get hysterical is when like. All hell breaks loose, right? So if you can, just. Handle uncomfortable. Possibly angry conversations. With that level of calm, it is so crazy how much of a difference it make, how much of a difference it makes. And it also rubs off on the other person, and they're less likely to start getting a rational and start raising their voice and yelling and saying things that they might not even mean, you know? I try to keep all of my conversations, even if they're conflict. As calm as possible and it's absolutely possible. And you can be mad. And you can want to cry and you can cry. That's fine. But try to keep it as calm as possible. How many times can I say calm before you get the ******* idea? I think you get it. OK, so I've told you guys about circle before, right? 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And then you have a super flavorful sip. Right now Circle is giving all of my listeners. Up to 35% off their order, plus free shipping on all orders of $15 or more. Plus, as an added bonus, we're throwing in my favorite flavor, strawberry Kiwi, for free. Just visit drink circom Emma. That's drink CIRUL com Emma to get this limited time offer today again, that's Another thing I do to avoid social drama is to only spend time with people or work with people because it's like, desirable. Obviously this is excluding like people at school and you know, people at work and stuff like you can't always avoid that, but when it comes to your free time. You should really only be hanging out with people that. You really love to be around and that really enhance your life, you know what I'm saying? Don't hang out with people because you're desperate and you're, you know, lonely. Don't hang out with people because they have connections, like they could benefit you in some way. Don't do that. Don't hang out with people just because they're popular. Maybe they're the popular kid at school or they're the popular person at work. Like, don't just hang out with somebody because they're popular. Only spend time with people that. Enhance your life. And that you truly like being around because it's so common to hang out with people that you don't even really like for some sort of external purpose, right? Oh, if I hang out with this girl, you know, I'm going to be able to hang out with the popular boys and, like, that will benefit me. Or I'm going to hang out with this person because they have a lot of money and they go on vacations a lot. And if I'm friends with them, they're gonna take me on vacation. Or don't hang out with somebody because, oh, you know, they're the boss at my work. And so if I hang out with them a lot, then I'm going to get a raise. That inevitably causes drama. Whether the drama? Is between you and said person you're hanging out with for bad reasons or it's just drama within yourself? You don't want that. You don't need that. You know what I'm saying? You shouldn't be doing that. All social interactions. That are out of pleasure, like all pleasurable. Kind of social interactions, ones that are like extracurricular, all of those should be just out of. The joy of your own heart, and not for any kind of weird. Hidden motive. Like? I used to hang out with people just because they were popular, you know? Because they didn't know any better, right? But that caused me so much drama because I would go home feeling awful because I was like, I don't even like these people. Like they're and they treat me like **** but I'm just hanging out with them because like, they're popular and you know, that's was not good for me. It affected myself esteem badly because I was. Hanging out with people that like tore me down, but then also it affected myself esteem negatively because I. Wasn't. Proud of the fact that I was hanging out with these people. I knew deep down that it was like I had ulterior motives in a sense. Whether like it was super conscious or not, deep down I knew that, like, I wasn't really hanging out with them because I really loved them. It was because. They were popular. And so I was like, OK, well, they're popular. It's that simple, but that's not the way that you know you should handle your. Extracurricular social interactions, you know, obviously if you're at work, like, be nice to your boss. And that's like. If you OK, let's say you hate your boss at work, but you're still nice to them, that's fine, because you guys have to be around each other. That's work. You know what I'm saying? You have to. Or let's say you have a teacher you don't really like. You should still be nice to them. And even if deep down you're only being nice to them because it's going to help you get a better grade on your essay, or because it's going to hopefully get you a raise at the end of the month, that's different, because that's like. In a working environment I'm talking about after school, I'm talking about after work. You know. Being alone is better than spending time with people that you hate and are gonna gossip about later. It's just the ******* truth of it. Now the last thing I do to avoid social drama is. I really make a conscious effort to not be judgmental of other people who have different views to me and I make a conscious effort not to force people to see or agree with my opinions. Like it's just inevitable that sometimes you know you're not going to have the same opinions as somebody else. I find that a lot of people are really judgmental. Of people that don't share the same opinions as them. And I find that a lot of people feel they need to force their opinions onto others. And unfortunately, 90% of the time that doesn't end very well because most of the time people are set in their ways and they believe what they're going to believe about anything. It could be religion, it could be politics, it could be. How people dress, it could be what people eat. It could be like, you know what I'm saying? Everybody has strong opinions about those things internally, right? There is a level of strength in knowing that you know you're not going to agree with everybody on everything, and there's a level of strength in. Being OK with the fact that. Other people just might not see eye to eye with you on everything. And it takes a level of strength to keep that stuff to yourself sometimes and to realize that. You can still have a great conversation with somebody who. Isn't exactly the same as you. You know what I'm saying. Trying to force. Your beliefs and opinions onto others. Just causes conflict and in the 10%. Of times when it doesn't. It's between two very mature and very level headed people and that doesn't happen often. It just doesn't like. You can discuss. Your differing opinions. You can discuss your different beliefs. In a positive way, in a way that's educational for both parties and that is a beautiful thing. When it turns sour is when you try to force other people to see your point of view. Unless they're open minded to that, it's just going to end in conflict. So. Realizing that. You don't share the same opinion to another person. And then realizing that maybe it's time to gear the conversation into a different direction. Maybe it's time to shift the conversation into a different direction. Because. You know, you guys don't see eye to eye on something and it might end up turning into a conflict if you don't just maybe move on from it. That's so huge. Like? It's just none of your business what somebody else believes in or what their beliefs are and things like. It's just none of your ******* business. And so. If you don't like their beliefs or if you don't like. You know. Their opinions? You can share yours, and you can try to show a different perspective to them, but if they're not willing to understand that, then your job is done, and if you start a conflict over it, that is your fault. You could just get up and walk away if you don't like their opinions or their beliefs and it makes you angry. Then why are you hanging out with them? Just stop having that conversation then. Remove yourself before it becomes an argument. A big part of minding your own business is realizing that like. Other people are gonna believe what they're gonna believe, and if you don't like it, then you just need to walk away. So Long story short. It's all about balance, right? I still gossip about people sometimes, especially only only. Strictly to my parents and. The two people who aren't my family but are very, very close to me, like, that's it, OK, those are the only people that I gossip to and I really try my best to keep it to a minimum, but I'm human. We're all human. We're all going to do it. But practice makes perfect. And I can tell you, I've gotten so much better at all of these things that I just mentioned and it's really made my life so much better. And I find that there's so much less conflict in my day-to-day life and. You know, my day-to-day life is just so much more positive and is so much smoother. It's just things run so much smoother. And you know, I can't promise that everybody out there is going to look at life the same way as you. You know what I'm saying? Like, I can't promise that. Because you decided that you're going to mind your own business and stay out of drama. That everybody else is going to do the same. Because chances are that's not going to happen. You know what I mean? You may be the absolute best at minding your own business, staying out of drama, and avoiding gossip. You might be the absolute best about it, but most likely there are going to be people around you that can't say the same. And. You can't control that, but what you can't control is how you handle it, and you can control how you. Decide to absorb that information. And what you decide to do with that information. And you can decide what you do in your free time. That's all up to you, baby. I think that it's easier to avoid drama and do all of these things when you're connected with yourself, though. When you are. In touch with your own. Life, you know, and you're in touch with your own soul, in a sense. Not to get like super deep and spiritual here, but like. If you are on the same page with yourself. You're aware of your own insecurities, you're aware of the things that stress you out, you're aware of your fears, you're aware of all of that, and you and once you can kind of learn to accept those things about yourself. It's a lot easier to. Live every day in your own body. It's a lot easier to be comfortable in your own body. It's a lot less scary, and so you're less likely to go and gossip and start drama and. Be nosy and stock your significant others ex because guess what you don't need. That distraction. Anymore because you're more comfortable in your own body, so you're not desperate to find something to fixate on. And distract yourself with you know what I'm saying? It's a never ending battle to become comfortable in your own life and body, but the more you are. The easier it is to avoid all this drama stuff. Seriously. And I think it also you know. Is good because the more you know, confident and independent you become and the more self aware you become and the more comfortable you become in your own body. The less you feel like you need other people around you and I think that, you know a lot of people surround themselves with. People who cause a lot of drama in their lives. Because they feel like they have nobody else, and they'd rather be around toxic people than, you know, be by themselves. So the moral of this story is. And the moral of every ******* podcast I record is. It's time to do some work on yourself and guess what? I have some news for you. I have a feeling that that never goes away. I have a feeling that you are working on yourself every single day until the day that you die. And. If you work hard enough. You'll be able to avoid a lot of drama, and on that note, I'm going to answer a few questions. Thank you for listening to my ramble. I hope that that made any sense at all. Every time I record a podcast, I have this crippling fear that nothing that I said made made any sense. But yeah, I mean, I had fun regardless, so let's get into questions about. Minding your own business, staying in your own lane and avoiding drama, somebody said. Do you think that there's a difference between gossiping with a friend and social commentary? Where do you think it crosses a line? I love this question. I think it's worded so well. I would say gossiping is just mean spirited, and it's not. Helping you, like, evolve as a person, right? I've watched other people make mistakes, and I've. Gossiped about it to my parents or my really close friends and analyzed their mistakes. And I've learned from mistakes that other people have made. And that has been beneficial for me. I've benefited from that. Because I saw somebody else make a mistake and I. Talked about it with people that were close to me and I came to a realization like, oh wow, I don't wanna make that same mistake and that. Has. Made me. A better person in a sense like that has helped me grow, in a sense. That's social commentary, you know? I've analyzed other peoples romantic relationships that I've saw to be maybe toxic. And I've talked about those with my close friends and family and maybe gossiped about it in a sense. And that again is social commentary in a sense where. If they heard me say that, like, I don't think it would really bother me, like I think that their relationship is toxic. That's true. You know I'm not. Making any low blows at either of them, I'm just. Analyzing and observing that their relationship is toxic. And yeah, I'm saying it behind their back. But like, if they ever asked me what my thoughts were, I would tell them I think your relationship is toxic. Basically, I think the difference between gossiping in social commentary is that social commentary is analytical, and it's a conversation had in order to further understand yourself and other human beings. And it's. More sophisticated, you know what I'm saying? Whereas gossiping is just saying **** that's just mean and pointless. Like commenting on stuff that people can't control. You know, like somebody's appearance or the way that they dress. Like, well, they can control the way that they dress, but like, you know, like, who cares? Like the way that they dress doesn't harm anybody. It's like, that's just harmless stuff. It's just, it's stupid. It's pointless. You don't gain anything from calling somebody ugly or saying that they're outfit looks like **** or. For calling them like a loser behind their back like that doesn't. Benefit anybody, whereas analyzing somebody's. Actions. And. Using that as a tool to like further better yourself, like, I don't think that that's toxic, so I think that that's the difference. Somebody said kind of related but how do I learn how to manage how much information I put on the Internet and stuff? Because I overshare and I need to learn to keep myself and my Internet self separate to stay sane. My biggest recommendation for this would be to never post on social media in any capacity when you're in an emotional state. I think that people, when they're really emotional, tend to go straight to the Internet and just start posting about their feelings. They're posting that they're crying, they're posting, you know, they're oversharing, they're telling everything about. Their, you know, current situation and. It's because they're in an emotional and slightly hysteric state, right? The key is to never share anything on the Internet unless you feel rational and calm. I would say wait to share things until you're almost. Past the situation, like let's say you and your boyfriend broke up right? And immediately you want to go on social media and start oversharing about it. My recommendation would be wait until. You're 70% healed and then maybe you can talk about it, because at that point you're going to be more rational and you're gonna be a lot more tactful about what you decide to share and what you decide not to share. Never go on social media when you're too emotional. That's the best advice I could ever give to you. Somebody said, I feel like minding your own business is so hard. There are only two ways in our society. If you mind your own business, you're either an outsider or you're selfish. But if you don't mind your own business, you gossip. And you try to fit in. I kind of agree with this. I think it's really true. Like, you know me being somebody who minds my own business has made it so that. I don't respond to a lot of people's texts, you know what I mean? Like, there are certain people I just avoid because I don't like their energy. They it, you know, or like. They stir up a lot of drama or they talk about a lot of gossip and like, I don't wanna be around that. So there are a lot of people I just ignore. And there are a lot of people that I don't engage in conversations with respectfully, but I, you know, don't engage in conversations with them because it's not constructive and it doesn't make me feel good. And a lot of people think that that makes me an ******* sometimes because they're like. You know, Emma only talks to like 5 people. What a *****. It's like, no, I'm doing that because I'm I'm preserving my own energy. And listen, I'll have I'll talk to anybody if they. Are positive and have constructive things to say and have interesting things to say. I'm more than happy to do that, but unfortunately, like especially, you know. In this age group, I'm, you know, about to be 20. There's a lot of drama and and I don't want to be a part of it. So I'd rather be considered selfish than be a part of all the drama and ****. Like, I just don't want to be a part of it. And guess what? If people think I'm selfish or people think I'm like a loser and I'm isolated, then so be it. Because guess what? I'm a lot happier than they are. Probably. I don't know about that actually, but. At least I'm avoiding drama. My life's a lot more simple and people can think what they want of me. It's none of my business. I don't ******* care, you know? It's better to be. A little selfish. Somebody said how do I stay away from toxic people? I don't want to be rude and I can't just tell them that I don't want to hang out with them, So what should I do? This is really hard because I know I've been saying, like, if somebody's being an ******* or somebody's being toxic or somebody's causing drama, just walk away. I know that sometimes it's not that easy, and especially if you're friends with people who are kind of toxic, you know, exiting that situation is. Never comfortable and it's always a little bit awkward, but the way that I always do it is I just slowly but surely stop responding to them. Stop talking to them. Maybe for the first week that you're deciding that you don't hang out with them anymore, you just say that you're really busy. You know what I mean? And maybe you are busy. But maybe you're not in your lying. That's fine. Then you know you stop responding to their texts as much. Maybe you only respond to them once a week. And then eventually you just go and you stop responding to them all together and they'll get the message. You know what I mean? You could use the key is just to let them down easy. Somebody said hi, Emma. I need you to tell me how to stop stalking other people's accounts. It's like an addiction, and I know it's so toxic, but I don't know how. I can't not do it. Well, we kind of talked about this earlier, but I think that. It's all about replacing it with something else, because if, let's say, you know you're in bed, you're like, oh, I really wanna stalk somebody's account. But. You have nothing to replace that time with. Then you're just immediately going to go stalk them anyway because you're like, I have nothing else to do. Find something. That is equally as satisfying to you. Let's say it's, you know, a new podcast or let's say it's a new, you know, YouTube series that you find or something. Or a new Netflix series or a new documentary like Find Something that like. Is easy to digest. Like, I'm not gonna sit here and say every time you want to stock somebody's account, read a book. Because as great as that might be, I mean, listen, if you if you have the strength to do that, do it. But, like, there are moments when you know you're bored and you just want to do something lazy, you know what I mean? Like, stock somebody's account. Have some fun, lazy things that you like to do just as much as stock people's account. Watch YouTube videos, watch a documentary, like find those things and and have those go TOS so that the 2nd that you see yourself wanting to go stock somebody's account, you're like, Oh no, I'm going to actually watch this Netflix documentary instead. Then you go and you start watching the documentary and next thing you know you forgot that you even wanted to stock those people's accounts. It's about breaking the cycle. It's about not letting yourself start. It's about replacing it with something else so that you never even. Begin and then that becomes a habit. Last but not least, somebody said what do you think about people who start drama just to stay relevant? I know you could never relate there, but there are some people who rely on drama and attention for views. Now, ironically, my answer to this question is, you know, it's none of my business how other people handle their fame or their relevancy. If if people want to start drama, to stay relevant, listen, as long as I'm not a part of it, all power to him. But the reason why I don't do that is because I don't want to be known or be relevant. Umm. If it's based in negativity, like, where's the fun in that? You know that's not fun. I want to do. I want to have a positive impact, not a negative impact and like if people just know me because you know. They saw me in a drama video like that's not the impact I wanna have on the world, that by any means. I don't judge what other people do. Well, I mean, I I might not agree, I don't judge it, but I definitely don't agree with it. But it's also none of my business and it doesn't affect me directly. And because of that, I just pay no mind. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, OK, well. I wouldn't do that, but. Go off, you know what I mean? Like, you see how that ends for you? Like good luck and and that's the end of it. And that's part of minding my own business is like not getting triggered that some people might get more views than me because they are using drama for views. You know what I'm saying? Like that's a part of my minding my own business journey is just to be like, listen, I I wouldn't want to be doing that. So I'm not even going to pay any mine to it. I'm just going to ignore it doesn't exist in my world. And on that note guys. I hope you enjoyed this episode, and I hope you learned something from it. And if you did. Let me know you can tweet at me at AG podcast. You can also follow the Twitter at AG podcast. And you can interact with the episodes, ask questions. Etcetera. Say up to date with what's going on? If you like, anything goes and you maybe like me even. On the off chance that you somehow like me, you can subscribe to anything goes on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Apple Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, anywhere you listen to podcasts. And last but not least, you can leave a review on Apple Podcasts. And it always warms my heart to read the reviews of this podcast and I really appreciate it. So that's all I got for this week, guys. I will see you next week. Have an amazing rest of your week. I love you all so much. And peace and love. We're here with Phil talking about what's new with heart Nissan. Phil, what are some good reasons somebody should buy now. That's a great question. We all know that car shopping could be an overwhelming process. Plus people are uncertain about a lot these days. Hard Nissan recognize that. So we rolled up a heart rewards program. All new and pre-owned vehicle purchases get one year identity theft Protection 3 Virginia State inspections and multi point inspections. 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