Emma prefers to share her thoughts with a microphone rather than a physical human being, so thank god she has a podcast. Recorded from the comfort of her bed, Emma talks at length about whatever is on her mind every week. Anything really does go on this podcast. Sometimes philosophy, sometimes a random story from 10 years ago, sometimes advice, and sometimes nothing at all. You never know what you are going to get, but that’s what keeps it interesting. New episodes every Thursday.
Thu, 02 Apr 2020 09:00
Gut feelings, instincts, that voice in the back of your head — we all have them. Sometimes they’re so strong they can’t be ignored. Should I be doing something different? Why don’t I fully trust this? Should this person be in my life? Emma dives deep into her intuitions, from important life decisions, to personal relationships, and everything in between. What to do with those intuitions, and when to trust them? To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Let me give you, let me set the scene. I am in my. One of the bedrooms of my house, like the guest bedroom specifically because there's a lot of pillows in here and supposedly recording at home sounds better if you're in a very pillowed room, so I am doing that. Umm. And I have some clothes in here, so like it's probably going to be better audio quality, I don't know. I look like I got hit by a bus. I have looked like that for the past week, occasionally getting ready just to like kind of feel good, but then I just take it all off after, so I haven't really been. You guys know how it is. We've all been at home for like a week. We're all kind of just starting to lose our minds a little bit. I've been trying to keep it fun. I've been. Actually, I'll tell you what I've been doing. Maybe I can inspire you. My daily routine has gone a little something like this. Every other day I try to workout in the morning. I've been trying to go on walks as well, just like walks around. Town, whatever. Try to walk up some hills. Get out of breath a little bit. It makes me feel better about sitting at home for long periods of time when I know that I exercised. I don't know if that makes sense, but like, if I exercise, then I'm cool with like, playing Fortnite for the rest of the day, because this is what else I've been. In the beginning, like earlier this week, I was watching movies every night. But now I'm playing Fortnite. Let me tell you why this is a bad thing. I used to. Hate Fortnite? Like, hate. I mean, I liked it, but like on I used to play on computer with my friends. But like. When it became a big thing, I hated it. I hated everybody was playing it. I hated it how it was like, I don't know why I hated it. I didn't have a reason. I think it's because I just didn't understand, like. Everybody was talking about Fortnite, everybody loved playing Fortnite. Everybody was playing Fortnite instead of hanging out with their friends. Like, it was like this phase, right? And I hated it. I hated when my friends played Fortnite. It just ****** me off. OK, well, I now apologize to everybody who I was angry at for playing Fortnite, because now I am doing the exact same thing. And I've gotten kind of good. I just ordered a PS4 for my own house. So that I can. Not use and borrow other peoples and it's party time. It's victory Royale time. I actually I've only won. Twice. One was in duos with somebody else and they basically won for me, and then one was by myself. Winning Fortnite by yourself is probably the best feeling on planet Earth. I mean, there's nothing better, but I'm going to shut the **** ** about Fortnite because I'm starting to turn into everything I used to hate like a year ago. So let's not do that. Let me have a sit with my. I heard that it's my coffee, but I have to drink my coffee without ice right now because my ice machine in my refrigerator broke. So now I have no ice. It's funny because I'm moving, but I can't move right now, obviously because of the what's going on, but. I'm moving soon. And ever since I, like, decided where I'm moving and it was like, finalized everything in my apartment started breaking. Like ever since I decided I was moving and I got the place I. But I still have to live in my apartment. Everything has been breaking. Like the lights in my kitchen one day broke, my garbage disposal broke. Now my ice machine broke. Like this **** doesn't end. Give me a moment while I let my cat into the room because he or she can't tell who's meowing at me is obviously quite lonely, so BRB. It was my little girl, Frankie. She wanted to come in, to hang out. I am now laying in bed. Recording my podcast. This is something I never thought I would do, but it feels kind of good. It kind of reminds me of all the evenings that I'm on the phone with my parents late at night and I'm laying here in my bed on my. Phone but now I'm talking to. No one instead. Which is a little bit weird, but you guys are someone, so you know what I'm saying. Let's get into the topic of the day. So this is a weird topic to talk about publicly again. See, I love this podcast because I just ******* talk about stuff I never thought I'd talk about on the Internet. And it's weirdly less. It's weirdly easier because. I'm by myself and I'm not looking at a camera. I'm just sitting here with a microphone like I'm on the phone and I can open up in a different way. I don't know why it's so different, but it is. Anyway, you don't care. Today, I'm going to be talking about my intense gut feelings and intuitions that I have. I don't necessarily. I'm not coming on here saying, Oh my God, I'm psychic. But I've definitely had some moments that are. Pretty interesting and I thought I would share. The reason why I think that they're so bizarre is because usually when I have these. We'll call them gut feelings for now. It's interesting because I'll have these gut feelings, but they'll go against what my like conscious mind is saying and that'll make more sense when I start telling the stories. But that's why I find them so interesting, because they contradict what I want to do with my life in that present moment. Or like what I believe. But then I'll have this weird inner gut feeling that makes me super uneasy, and I'll be like what? And then it ends up coming true, and then it's crazy so. Let's get into some of the stories. Uh, the first one that I can actually remember is I was in middle school and I was actually in Maine. I used to go to Maine every summer with my family, my dad's side. Oh my God, I miss it. I haven't gone in like 2 years, but it's like my favorite place. Anyway, well, the place that we stay in Maine is very remote. UM, basically no cell signal. Very old timey like lots of general stores and like you know, little beach shops and stuff, but like in an ice cream shop and like the closest grocery store is like 30 minutes away. It's like very remote. Just for some context. But anyway, so one night I was sleeping there as in middle school and or no, I was actually an elementary school, sorry. One night I was sleeping there. Mind you, I'm elementary school age. I think it was in 4th grade. And I was whatever I was sleeping cause I would go there for two weeks, woke up one morning and I remembered a dream I had. I had a dream that. I wasn't going to go to a certain middle school and I was going to go to this other middle school. Now, for some context, my parents were divorced at this point and. My mom lived in one town and my dad lived in another town 20 minutes away. At the time, I was going to school 5 minutes away from my dad's house, so in a different town, but I had a dream that I was going to go to middle school in my mom's town, the town that my mom lived, and it was the school. That actually my cousins went to and I had this dream about it. And in the dream I was told that I need to go to the school like I need to transfer to the school in my dream. And. It was so bizarre to me at the time. I mean, mind you, I'm like in elementary school and, like, not very smart, yet still not necessarily that smart. **** that, I'm smart. Not going to be degrading today anyways. It was weird. And so I asked my dad for like two quarters. And I run down to the payphone. At the bottom of the hill from the cottage that we were staying at, and I call my mom and I say you need to transfer me to the school in your town. I need to go to the school. Please can we transfer me over to that school? Like, are we in the zone to live there to go to that school? Like, can we please figure it out? I just have this feeling that I need to go to the school. And I ended up going to that school because of that one dream. I was fully planning on going to middle school in my town. I was fully prepared to go to middle school in the town that my dad lived. But like that dream changed everything and made me feel like I needed to go to this other middle school, which seems really random and seems really inconsequential. But me going to that school is definitely the reason why I started my YouTube channel and definitely the reason why I am who I am today if I wouldn't have. Gone to that school, I wouldn't have experienced this, like interesting culture in the area that I lived, where the area that I went to elementary school was a lot more normal, middle class, whatever, and the area that I went to middle school and high school was a lot more wealthy. And I think that that experience. Of like going from like a normal. Kind of community to like a more wealthier community. I think it really impacted me and I think it kind of made me. It made me grow in a way that I wouldn't have grown if I would have stayed in the old school and old community. And I'm like. So I think it almost made me want to rebel in a way, because like, everybody was exactly the same, everybody bought the exact same things. I participated in that for a while there as much as I could, but like. As I got older, I started to realize how everything was so fabricated and fake and it made me lose my mind because everybody was just had rich parents, all got the same expensive cars. Like it got to a point where it was just like, I hated it and I don't think that I would have. Felt the strong urge to start a YouTube channel if I wasn't in that situation, and so that was a crazy one, but that was just the first time I ever felt. And intuition like that, that was like or out of dream or, you know, something kind of weird like that. That was like almost like the universe telling me to do something and then me being like, OK, I guess I'll do it and not questioning it and then it changing my whole entire life. In a weird way. I have some friends and family members who wear contacts, and honestly, I can't imagine how much of a pain it must be to always have to go to the eye doctor, go in for unnecessary tests. When you know that your prescription hasn't changed. It's so time-consuming and so stressful. I truly can't imagine one 800 contacts has been making people's lives so much easier and delivering contact lenses for 27 years. They make getting contacts super fast and easy. Even if you have a really strong prescription, all you have to do is order the same contacts you would get from your doctor. Just look on the side of your contacts box for that info. You can order online, over the phone, or with their app, and they ship them fast and free to your home. You can even renew your prescription. 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I think it was also this thing where at my school again it was a private school and there was a lot of wealthy kids and I think that me being not as wealthy and. Getting financial aid made me feel inferior in a certain way, and the way for me to feel better about myself was the fact that I got better grades. Then some of them, which is ****** **. It's not a competition in any way, and it didn't need to be. I don't know why my brain was wired like that at the time, but that's the way my brain was wired back then. Now I wouldn't care but like about either, but I'm in a different place in my life now. But I, you know, I want. I felt like the only way that I could prove myself was to be smart. And if I went to a really good school and got really good grades, I would get attention for that while the other girls were getting attention for. The Audi that they drove to school one day, you know what I'm saying? Like, it was like, it's it's shallow to think like that. But, and I'm saying that because I don't want anybody to think that that's how I'm wired now because I'm not so. But like you can see what I'm saying anyway. Very obsessed with school. But it was really weird because I remember I went to a SAT prep. Person, when it was about to be time for SAT's and I had a meeting with them, is basically going to be like an SAT prep college counselor type of situation. And I remember driving home from that, and I was like, I don't even think I said this out loud to my mom or anything. But I remember thinking in my head I was like. I know I'm not going to go to college. Why am I? Trying so hard and at this point I'd never I had not started my YouTube channel. Every single sign pointed to me going to college and. That was my goal, yet for some reason. I had this feeling that I couldn't shake. Telling me, Emma, you're not going to go to college. I mean, you're not going to college. I mean, you're not going to college. And I'd be like, what the ****? Like, yes, I am. I'd literally be fighting my inner mind. I'd be fighting my mind. It would be like part of my brain was telling me I was fully going to college, and then my subconscious mind was screaming at me, telling me. You're not going to college, idiot. You're not going to college. And I just ended up ignoring it and I was like, maybe this is just my brain like behaving weird because I am not excited about college, but like I am. And then Fast forward a few months. I start my YouTube channel still thinking I'm going to college. And then eventually it was clear to me that I was not going to college. And then I was like, oh ****. My subconscious was right, but I had no reason to feel that way when I was feeling it, so that's why it was so weird. Speaking of. YouTube. I had really interesting YouTube related intuition gut feelings. Basically. I was a cheerleader in high school and I was obviously a student in high school, and I worked so hard at both of those things. Like, extremely hard. Like with cheerleading, I was going, I was driving an hour to practice three times a week. And then to go to my competitive cheerleading gym in a completely different town, an hour away, sometimes 2 hours away if there's traffic. Because I wanted to be on a good team, it's kind of extra thank you to my parents for driving me to that. And then at school I was doing like 8 hours of homework every day. And also doing school cheer for a few months before I got kicked off the team. But I was doing school chair and so I was doing that every day. So I was doing a lot, spreading myself quite thin at the time. And I was doing that because I wanted to do it. I wanted to be a good cheerleader and I wanted to be a good student. And I was working so hard at this, sleeping 3 hours a night, like constantly, like under the weather, like whatever. And I remember just getting in the car one day and I told my mom I was like. I know for a fact that there is something out there in this world for me that I'm not doing, but I know that it's my path, but I don't know what it is. I was like, I know that there's cause I always felt like I was doing these things and I never felt fully passionate about them. Like with cheer. I was really passionate about cheer. But. I knew that that was kind of coming to a close, like, it was just something that was a phase. And, like, my passion was kind of fading for that. And with school, I didn't have a I was, you know, I got good grades, but I didn't have a subject that I was super passionate about. Like, I really like biology. And I was like, maybe I could do something with biology, but nothing clicked in my head. Nothing was like a yes, this is what I want to do with my life, and it bugged me because I knew that there was something else out there in the world. That was like my path more and but I could not figure it out. OK, I knew that it was there, but I couldn't figure it out and it was so overwhelming that it made me so unsettled constantly. I was constantly like, what is it? I was constantly trying to figure out what it is and I felt so bad on my about myself for not knowing what it was. And it took me. Getting to my darkest depression that I had ever gotten to end of sophomore year. To finally figure out what it was. But I think what led me to that depression was the fact that. I was like living this day-to-day that I knew wasn't gonna last. It was so bizarre. I knew that I wasn't going to be living. I knew that my life was gonna change soon, but I didn't know what it was. And so I was just going through the motions of, you know, doing school sports and. Going to school every day and, you know, going to class and working really hard. But I knew that I was kind of doing it for nothing. And it was so bizarre because. My stomach is making so many sounds and I bet you guys can hear it. I don't know why. I think it's cause I've only drink coffee today because it's like 11:00 AM and I'm actually, it's noon. Oh **** I really have not done anything with my day yet today. I was going through the motions of being a student and being, doing living my life as I knew it, but I knew that it wasn't going to last. So I felt like I was living a fake life and it was so weird. And I don't know if that even makes sense because to be honest, it doesn't really make that much sense to me. But Fast forward, after living a fake day over and over again because I knew that something else was coming, I got to a point of depression that was so bad. It was my probably my darkest point I've actually ever gotten to. I mean, it was really bad, I remember. It was my birthday. One day like this was my birthday is May 22nd. So it was like the last day of school. Was my birthday or it was like the activity day or something? And I remember I was like, I can't go, like I couldn't get out of bed, didn't go to my last day of sophomore year. My dad was like, let's go to San Francisco and walk around. I go to San Francisco with him and I. Try to like, dress up and look good because it's my birthday and I remember I was walking with him and I like couldn't walk anymore. Like I literally was so beside myself, upset about whatever. I couldn't even figure out what it was. I had to sit under a tree on grass for like an hour. And just cry it out so that I could continue walking like, I don't even know. I mean, it's bizarre to talk about now because now I'm like, I'm a why? What was wrong? I don't even know what was wrong. I don't know. So that was bizarre, but that's how dark of a place I was in. And then. I failed my driver's test and then I started my YouTube channel as a distraction. And I was so passionate about it. When I started and so determined. To find my voice on YouTube and so determined to like. Do it. And I loved it. I love it to this day, but I loved it. Immediately, and I knew that that was what I had been missing. And it was so weird because it's so funny when you like. You know, I didn't know where that was going to go. I didn't know if I was ever gonna. Do well on the platform or if it's just going to be a fun hobby for me. And to be honest, at the time I was in such a dark place that I was down to do anything. I didn't have any ulterior motive, I wasn't trying to be a YouTuber. I just wanted to make videos because I was so obsessed with YouTube and always had been growing up that it was just like a escape for me. And then next thing I knew it was that missing piece that had been driving me nuts for years. And now I know that there's nothing else that I should be doing because this is what was. Eating at me inside that I like, you know, probably sound like a ******* nut case right now, but. I feel it inside, so I know it's real. That's my YouTube intuition story. 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Buying from a brand that really, really cares and pair provides glasses to a child in need for every pair that you buy. Get glasses as ever, changing as you are with pear. Go to pair eyewear com Emma for 15% off your first purchase. That's 15% off at PAIR eyewear.com/emma. Next I'm going to talk about my intuition with friendships. And relationships. Interestingly enough, I had a very interesting one race not like recently, but like within the past year. About someone and. It was so bizarre how it happened so. I had this person. I'm going to keep this very broad because I just don't even want to. I don't even want, like, if the person I don't know, I'll keep it very broad, OK? So I had this person in my life in a certain capacity, in a certain way for a few months. And we got along really well and everything was good. They were a good person to have in my life and. I remember one night I was driving in my car with my homie Amanda. And this person wasn't around and I was driving around with Amanda and I was like Amanda. I don't know why I feel like this, but I feel like this person is not who they say that they are. And I don't know what that even means, but I have this feeling. That this person is not who they say that they are. And my friend Amanda also was friends with this person and was like, no Emma, what are you talking about? Dude, my stomach is making such loud sounds and I don't know how to stop it. It's just gonna listen to my stomach. OK, just put my microphone up to my stomach. I don't know if that worked, but hopefully it did anyway. I was like Amanda, I swear to God. This person gives me the darkest energy. Like they are lying about who they are truly. And like, we don't know who they are. Like they're putting on a facade. Like, I'm convinced that we're being played here. Like, this person is a just talented actor. I was like Amanda, I swear to God. But I don't know why I feel like this, because I don't want to feel like this about this person. I really enjoy this person, and I want them to be who they present themselves to be. But I had this feeling and I've had this feeling for a few days that this person is not who they say that they are. In deep down, they are not that, and they have alterior motives. There's something going on with this person. And Amanda thought I was crazy, but she also was kind of like if you feel that way, like. I kind of. You know, I mean, she knows about my different weird feelings that I get and how they tend to come true. So she was kind of like, if you feel that way, I'm kind of gonna trust you. But I also think that it could just be you over analyzing the situation and maybe you should just ignore it. And I was like, OK, I'm just going to ignore it. So I did, ignored it, ignored my gut feeling, and lo and behold, a few months later. Things start happening with this person and it turns out. I think I was right. I just figured out that this person. Lied a lot and. Maybe wasn't in my life for the correct reasons, right? And it's just crazy. It's crazy because I knew it for a long time, but I continued to have this person in my life because I didn't know, because I didn't have any ******* proof. I all all I had was my gut feeling. So how am I supposed to, like, confront somebody about a gut feeling I had? That's like being mad at somebody when they're in your dream and they do something ****** **. Like if you're a ******* boyfriend, cheats on you and your dream and then you wake up and you're like, Jeremy, that was really ****** **. You did my dream. Right. It's like you can't be mad at somebody when you don't have any solid evidence, like how you can't arrest a criminal unless you have solid evidence. You can know, but you can't do it. And so that's exactly how I felt. So I was pinned in the corner of that and but I ended up being right and I knew it the whole time and it was really eerie for me. Being around that person after I figured that out and had that gut feeling, but. Now it's fine because. Let's just say it's fine. Because. That situation is over. All right, let's answer some questions now about this topic, although this is a very hard topic. To ask questions about so I said on Twitter to ask questions about this topic or anything else. So we're going to do. All of that ****. All right. First question. Do you believe in the law of attraction? I'm not super educated on the law of attraction. I know my mom is super into it. I think the law of attraction is basically manifesting. That's kind of the vibe I get from it. I could be completely wrong, but just like manifesting something you want by telling you. If you think about it, if you think about that you have it, then you'll get it type of situation. I'm pretty sure that's what it is. I do believe in that actually, although I'm not necessarily. I tend to be kind of a realist in a sense. I do also enjoy those types of things. Like I, you know, think that the law of attraction, manifestation, even like karma, **** like that, I. Think that I I do believe in it because. Even if it isn't real. In all of that, **** is just our own minds playing games. I don't really care because I think that. It kind of motivates me regardless. Like Karma makes me want to be a good person and like what goes around comes around, right? Having that kind of subconscious feeling of karma since I was a child. I think has made me a better person and. Even though it's probably not a real thing. Or it is maybe. Who knows? I don't know. I have no idea. Nobody knows. It helps. It keeps me in line, right? So I believe in it because it keeps me in line, makes me a better person. Law of attraction. Motivates me, right manifestation motivates me. So regardless of how exactly it works. I think it's still a positive thing to participate in, and I do believe it's real, but whatever's next question. Have you ever had a bad gut feeling and been worried about it? Absolutely. Main the majority of the gut feelings they have are kind of bad, or at least they seem bad in the moment. Like me not going to college. That seemed bad to me. I was like, what the ****? I don't feel like I'm go to college. Does that mean I'm going to die? I thought that I was going to die and that's the reason why I wasn't going to college, because it was. There was no other reason to me. That I wouldn't go to college unless I died. Like, I I couldn't imagine a scenario where I wasn't gonna go to college. So that was bad. And even my intuition about that person that was in my life. And actually, I have other people in my life that I had bad feelings about as well. I mean many. And that's been bad to me because I've thought that they were going to be the bridesmaids of my wedding or even that I was going to ******* you know, be friends with them until the day I died, like, whatever. And then they ended up turning around and kind of proving my gut feeling to be true and that that's a bad gut feeling in my opinion. And so, yes, I have had quite a few. Next question. Do you always go with your gut? Yes, I always go with my gut. Not always immediately, but eventually I always do and. It's because. My gut, weirdly, tends to be a less emotional path. Like my gut is like my brain telling me what to do without any emotion and without anything else, whereas my emotions will speak for me and tell me to do something else. But I end up always going with my gut and I end up. It's always actually what I should be doing. It's always the right decision. OK, so I've told you guys about circle before, right? Spelled CIRKUL. 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And then you have a super flavorful sip. Right now Circle is giving all of my listeners. Up to 35% off their order, plus free shipping on all orders of $15 or more. Plus, as an added bonus, we're throwing in my favorite flavor, strawberry Kiwi, for free. Just visit drink circom emmathatsdrinkcirkul.com/emma to get this limited time offer today again. That's drinkcircle.com/emma somebody asked me if I'm superstitious. I definitely am, to a certain extent. Like. You know, ever since I was a cheerleader. Because when you do a sport, I think some sports are like this more than others. But I know for me, I grew up from middle school, from like 8th grade through high school. I always did sports right. And before, when I did cheer, before I'd perform or before track across country, before we'd run and do meets. We would all have these superstitious things, and if we wouldn't do them, we would think that we would lose. It was like, you know, I know on my cheer team we had this specific chant and we'd all like. Yeah, jump a certain amount of times, give each other a certain amount of high fives. Like, say certain things. I had this ritual, like while I was standing on stage. Before I'd perform, I had the certain ritual that I'd do with myself. I'd like jump three times and then look. Up to the ceiling and like, say something to myself. I don't remember what I used to say, but I'd like say, like almost like a prayer to myself before I'd perform, and then I would perform. And I believed genuinely that if I didn't do that, I would ******* not perform properly and before races. When I did track and cross country, I would like, you know, we would do little prayer circles with our team and. I believed in all that ****. It made me feel more comforted for some reason. What? Did it help? Probably not. But I mean, I believed in it. And even to this day, if I'm talking about something and I don't want to jinx it, if you will, I always will. Knock on Wood's left hand three times. My friend Amanda. Kind of. I always knocked on wood, but then she was the one that was like, no, you need to knock on wood with your left hand three times. And so ever since she said that, then I started doing it. Now I'm superstitious about that. Now, if any of us say stuff, let's say me and my two friends are in the car and we'll like, say something that we don't want to jinx. Like, for example, I'm like, Oh my God, like, I hope I get to like, I hope that this guy texts me tonight. And then I'm like, wait, **** we all need to knock on wood. We knock on wood three times. OK, that's like, and then. I didn't jinx it. See what I'm saying? So. I'm stretching my back. I'm definitely a little bit superstitious. Moving on. Somebody asked me, has there ever been a time where you've listened to your gut and been wrong? OK, this is super interesting. Because no but. But but but. This is an interesting thing I haven't mentioned yet. So my very intense gut feelings and intuitions. Are very clear to me, like I I see them, I hear them. And I act accordingly. Sometimes that's not immediately, sometimes I don't know what to do with it, whatever. But usually they end up being right. But sometimes. When I'm going through a phase of my life when I'm having really bad anxiety or I'm going through a phase where I'm having. Panic attacks. The ****** part about being in tune with the fact that you have these gut feelings and intuitions is the fact that. They can very easily get confused. With an anxiety attack or panic attack, for example. One time I was having a panic attack. And I was convinced that my whole family was going to die, like my mom and my dad and I. I'm an only child and my parents are my life. Like, I know that that sounds weird, but like, I. *******. Love my parents. More than I've like, Oh my God, I'm gonna start crying. Holy **** I love my parents more than I've like. I love them and they. Our. Like my best friends, but also like. They're my parents and they help me in every single element of my life. Emotionally. They guide me, they help me with everything that I do. And they've been such good parents since I was a kid and I just like, I love them so much. And I had this panic attack and I felt like they were going to die and. I was calling my parents every 30 minutes cause I was in LA and I started to convince myself during this panic attack. That it wasn't the panic attack talking, telling me that my parents were going to die, that it was my intuition and I convinced myself that I was having an intuition that my parents. Something was going to happen to my parents. And that's when **** gets twisted is when you're really anxious or you're having a panic attack and you convince yourself that you're having a gut feeling. But really it's just your panic attack talking. And then once the panic attack goes away, you're like. **** it wasn't even that was literally just me having a panic attack. And if you guys have ever had a panic attack, you know how it is like you feel like your world is crumbling down, you can't breathe properly, you can't move. It's the worst **** ever. And. It's actually really funny because the reason why that panic attack specifically was triggered was because I had just figured out that the person that was in my life. That ended up not being who they said they were, who I referred to earlier. Once I found that all out, it spiraled me into a five day panic attack. And it fried. It actually made me physically sick when I was done with the panic attack. When it finally ended, I was physically ill because it took so much out of me emotionally and physically, because I was like tense for five days. I was like. Hyperventilating for five days, like it was the worst **** that's ever happened to me, and it was because I figured out that that person was not who I said they were and everything came. Everything came crashing down and I realized it all at once and it made me ******* freak out. And anyway, I just thought I'd add that in, but. Anyway, I don't think my gut feelings have ever been wrong, but. My anxiety and my panic have made me think that I had these bad intuitions that weren't actually true. Next question, do you believe everything happens for a reason? I do. I do. Because every single. ****** ** thing that's ever happened to me has. Always proved to. Be something that I can't imagine living without it there. And even the most ****** ** **** I feel like has taught me something and. I just try to trust the universe and what's going on. And I try not to like, push against it, because what happens, happens, right? You can't fight what has happened or what continues to like if something ****** ** happens that you're like, this shouldn't be happening. There's no way that this is happening if you fight against it. That doesn't get you anywhere, but if you lean into it and you just try to. Find. The positive in it. It all ends up making sense and so, you know, even when I've gone through, you know, tough **** in the past. Like it's always led to something better, for example. My parents got divorced when I was five. And that sounds ****** ** right? Like that sounds like it wouldn't be good. Well, randomly enough. I am so ******* glad my parents got divorced. I am. I might do a whole episode about my parents divorce at some point if they're comfortable with that. I know my parents listen to my podcast, so if you guys are cool with that, I might make an episode about it to help other kids that are going through that. But or adults even. I mean, everybody goes through it anyway. My parents got divorced when I was five. I'm very happy that they got divorced. I'm happy that they got divorced because. Number one, I don't think that they were necessarily meant to be married long term. I think that them not being together is what exactly was supposed to happen, because now. At least in my situation, I'm very, very lucky to say that my parents have a really great relationship now as friends, and I think it's because, you know, they've had to bond over me in a sense. And, you know, they haven't been able to stop communicating because of me and they've been very mature and very. So admirable. I feel like the way that they dealt with the divorce was so. Seamless in a sense. And it was tough for sure. I mean, I'm not gonna say it was easy and there was some rough, you know, patches when my parents started dating and stuff, and that was really hard for me. But regardless, now that I'm older, you know, I wouldn't want it any other way. And even the **** that happened to me as a child, like the **** that was upsetting for me, like when my parents started dating other people and stuff like that, and that was really, really, really, really ******* hard for me. But even that, like, I don't regret that, because that taught me a lot. And I've and I've and I've grown up and seen why they were doing that. You have to like, what are they supposed to do? Not date anyone because of me? I realize that now. And I also realize. That there's a chance that I might get divorced one day with my husband. If I get married, I might get divorced. And now I have this amazing insight on how to have a healthy divorce and. You know, I have a group chat with my parents and we're all ******* homies, and I text them, especially right now because, you know, they're back in the Bay Area and I'm here, and so I've been texting the group chat every day, checking in on them. And, you know, we all talk about what we're doing and it's very. I actually really love that. We can have this situation, but I also was able to have separate relationships with my parents that were very intimate because it wasn't like I would ask my mom, hey, can we go get Otter pops? No, go ask your dad. It was never like that because it was just me one-on-one, living with my parents half and half. So I had the time to grow really, really strong relationships with each parent individually. And I don't think I would have had that if they would have been married still, because there's this, you know? Whatever. Obviously, who knows what it would have been like if my parents would have stayed together? I don't really care because that didn't ******* happen. Some people even asked me, do you wish your parents would get back together? No. That would be so ******* weird. I would not like that. I don't want them to get back together. I don't even remember them ever being together. They've been broken up for 13 years. I don't ******* remember what it was like for them to be married, but. Yeah, I mean, I think their divorce was one of the best things that's ever happened to me, but. Or at best, thing that could have happened for my relationship with my parents. But you know, in the moment it seemed really sad and ****** **. Anyways. One more question and then I'm gonna wrap this up and. Probably go play some ******* Fortnite, to be honest, but. OK. Last question, are your first impressions on people always on point or were you ever surprised after getting to know somebody and it changed your mind? This is really interesting because. I will have. Gut feelings about people when I first meet them, but I have this bad habit of not listening to them, and I'm getting better at it because. It ends up harming me down the line. I can think of at least three friends that I had in the past. That. Actually, more probably like 5 maybe. I've I've had intuitions about probably 5 people that I've been friends with. Very strong feelings, right? Where I was like, this person's bad news, but because I've enjoyed hanging out with them, I just would say, eh, it's fine, I'm just going to ignore it. Maybe I'm wrong and I'll always say like, oh, maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm wrong and try to convince myself that I was wrong. I want to convince myself that I'm wrong because I'm the type of person that likes to have as many friends as possible. I love being friends with people, right? Like, I love it, it's like it. I love talking to people. I could ******* talk to a brick wall. So, like, the more friends in my life I have, the merrier. I love that. OK, but. I've had a few people where. I've had these bad feelings. I've continued to be friends with them. A few months or even a year or so could go by, and then I start seeing their true colors and I'm like, well, damn it, whoomp, there it is. It's there. They suck. But my bad habit. And I'm never really that surprised. I'm never surprised because I always saw it coming. Always. But I just, I end up being angry at myself because I'm like, I you knew that. You ******* knew that. Even when there was no reason to know that I knew it, right? I would like, they could be the ******* coolest person. So generous, so nice, so cool. And I could be like, now I know it, there's something going on here, and then I end up figuring it out and then I end up being ****** at myself because I knew. But I never. I feel like I'm normally. I'm never shocked when somebody turns around and ends up being kind of ****** **. I feel like my read on people is pretty good, and I either can tell that they're 5050 and that they might **** me over, or I know that they're actually a real homie and even if they do something. Kind of wrong or ****** ** that it's not that that's a fluke and that they're not actually a bad person. So. Yeah, that is that. I'm trying to before I end this episode, I want to try to remember any other crazy predictions I had, but I feel like that's all I have. Oh ****. I forgot about this last thing, this last intuition thing that I have, and then I'll end that episode. False alarm. We're not over yet. It's not over yet. So. I have this weird thing. That strictly pertains. That's the right word to like events. Or things that you go to, for example, a concert, a party, you know, even just going to hang out with your friends, things like that, events we'll call those events, right? Like things that you go to, things that you attend. Ever since I was younger. I've known. That things are gonna get cancelled. OK, that sounds so weird, but like this year's Coachella. I remember before because Coachella is now cancelled or postponed until October. If it even happens in October, who knows? But a good example would be Coachella, where this year I remember I was like buying my outfits and picking **** out, but I remember kind of just being like having this feeling where I'm like. I don't think I'm going to Coachella this year. I don't feel like I'm going. I don't think it's gonna happen. And this was even before, you know, the whole kind of coronavirus thing begun. I knew I wasn't going. And I wasn't. It was like I wasn't really trying as hard to pick out my outfits like I was, but like, deep down I knew that I was doing it all for nothing. And then it got ******* cancelled. And I was like, why did I know that this was gonna happen? I like, I knew that it wasn't going to happen. And same thing with like, I had this. Like seminar thing is not even the right word. It was like basically I was gonna go speak at a business thing like it was an event and I was going to go like do a speech or something. And that was I remember that was a planned for the end of March and we planned that in like January, so. That had been on my calendar for a really long time, but it was really funny because I. I knew that I wasn't gonna go to it. I remember it was like. On my calendar and I kept being like, that's just not gonna happen. I don't know why, but it's just not gonna happen. Like, when we were planning it, I was like planning it so nonchalantly because. I just knew it wasn't going to happen for some reason, and lo and behold, it didn't. And this has been happening to me for years. I will get this weird gut feeling that something is not going to happen and then it doesn't. And this only happens once every blue moon, because majority of the time things happen, right? But then every once in a while I'll be like, this isn't going to happen, this isn't going to happen, and then it doesn't, and then I'm like, oh **** that's weird. Or even like, I've like, been in, I've been, I've planned trips with my friends. I remember I was going to plan a trip for the 4th of July and we were all planning it, but then deep down I knew it wasn't going to happen. It's just **** like that happens. And sometimes I think it's just common sense, but then other times there's no reason for me to believe it's not gonna happen. Flights will be booked, hotels will be booked, schedules will be open, and yet I still know that it's not going to happen. So I wish I could explain more why I feel like that, but it's just something that's so subconscious and out of my control that I literally don't know where it comes from. But yeah, on that note. I hope you guys enjoyed today's episode. It's kind of a weird topic to talk about if you guys have any topics that you want me to touch on moving forward. Literally anything. Tweet at ag podcast. I'll go look through I know I have a tweet on there where I ask for you guys to tweet me questions so you can always tweet under that or just tweet me in general. Ask me questions on there. Follow me on there don't forget to rate review and subscribe on. Spotify, Apple podcasts, wherever else you get your podcasts. Leave me a little rating if you're enjoying anything goes. I'm really enjoying it. I'm loving it. I'm so glad that we switched from Super genius, my old podcast, to anything goes. I think it's so much. More me and I'm having so much more fun with it and it's so much more natural and it's so much more therapeutic for me. So I hope you guys are enjoying it just as much as I am and I love. Talking to y'all and can't wait for. Everything to get back to business so that we can do voicemails again in the podcast. We'll be back to normal. But for now, I hope you all are staying safe, staying positive, staying inside, using this time to. Honestly, bond with your family and friends. I know, like you know, whether that's over the phone or in a very small group. I know some of y'all are quarantining with your homies, so that's what I'm referring to, but or like your roommates or whatever, I don't know, but just use this time to connect with people and. Find a new hobby and maybe play a little bit of Fortnite. Never hurt nobody. I love you guys, enjoy your day and I love you all. We're here with Phil talking about what's new with heart Nissan. Phil, what are some good reasons somebody should buy now? That's a great question. We all know that car shopping could be an overwhelming process. Plus people are uncertain about a lot these days. Hard Nissan, recognize that? So we rolled up a heart rewards program. All new and pre-owned vehicle purchases get one year identity theft Protection 3, Virginia State inspections and multipoint inspections. One year tire Rd Hazard with roadside assistance, a three day vehicle exchange, and every purchase or service. 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