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Where do I start? You know where I'm going to start? I'm just going to start by. Saying a little thank you to you guys for coming back. If you do come back, or even if you're new, thank you for checking it out. Just thank you guys for all of your support on the podcast. It means so much to me. I know I've talked about this before actually. My first episode of Anything goes when I switch from stupid genius to anything goes, stupid genius is my old podcast that I now despise. With every bone in my body if you are out of the loop on that. Those episodes are still up. If you guys wanna want to listen to those, I'll delete them as soon as. My podcast production company allows me to. Because I hate them, but. We've evolved anyway. I just want to thank you guys for. You know, connecting with this podcast and connecting with me through this podcast recently, it's felt like one of the only ways that I can truly communicate with all of you. And it's the most intimate platform I have, and I feel like I truly feel like heard. On the podcast. Like I feel like you guys. Hear me hear in a way that you don't on any other platform. And to be honest, sometimes I wish that I only had a podcast because I think that. The connection that I have with those of you who listen, it's so much deeper than on any other platform. And so that's why I think it's so therapeutic for me because, you know, I have that connection with you guys here that I don't have anywhere else and it's so special. So I just wanted to thank you guys for, you know, connecting with me here and I'm very grateful for all of you and I'm excited to. Vent once again. So. What are we talking about today? We're talking about Los Angeles. Because I've been here for far too ******* long in a row. With like a little three day break I had like 1. Three day break from LA. In the past six months and I've just been here for like six months straight. No break. Nothing. And this is like the longest I've ever been in LA with no break. And it is getting to me and I've been trying to pinpoint why, like why? Can I not be here for six months straight? Like, why? Why is this damaging my brain? And I actually had an epiphany. About it yesterday and I realized what it is. And here, here it is. Recently I've been needing a break from social media more than ever. I feel like it's really toxic right now for some reason. I'm really vulnerable, so, like, mean comments and **** like that are getting to mean more than normal, and so it's time for me to turn the phone off, right? And that's fun and all. But the problem is, is that when you live in LA and you turn your phone off and you make the effort to disconnect and you go outside and you go and grab a coffee or you go to a restaurant or. You know, you go to the beach or you do this, this and that. There's a chance. That. It's not going to be a disconnect. A very good chance and I'll explain why. Living in LA and like existing in LA, especially in, you know, the center of it all, in the core of it all, which is basically where I live and where all my friends live, is kind of in the middle of it all, where everybody hangs out and **** like that. The problem with living in this area is that. You turn your phone off and you walk outside and it's literally like you're just seeing your Instagram explore page, but in real life and I'll explain. Almost every time I go to a restaurant or I go to a coffee shop or I go shopping or. Whatever. I'm faced with. People that I'm seeing on my Instagram constantly like. I see people that I know like almost daily one way or another, whether it's like. I already listed all the places I go, so you know that, but. No matter where I go in LA. Unless I drive far away, like far away to the beach or something like that, I there's a very, very good chance that I'm going to see somebody that I know. And that makes it really hard to disconnect. You know what I mean when you turn your phone off and it feels as if. You're still living in it? And, you know, there's things like paparazzi where I don't get paparazzi a lot, but like or, you know, whatever, but like things like that. Also feel like I'm still. Connected to the social media world, because then it's like, oh, I'm going to see that later. You know what? What did I look like? What did I say? Everything OK? Like whatever. There's kind of no escape here. From the social media realm. It's like you're living in a real life. Instagram feed. Tick tock feed. Probably more tick Tock than Instagram, but. Regardless, it's crazy and I think I realize that. That's why. I've been feeling so ****** recently because. I don't. There's nowhere for me to escape to. And I am somebody who desperately needs escape. Because. I don't like. This **** like I love making videos for you guys. I love making podcasts for you guys. I love putting on outfits and posting photos in it to hopefully inspire somebody. I love all that **** and I love meeting you guys. I think more the issue is, is actually seeing like other creators and other things like that out and about. That's what gives me the anxiety. Not meeting you guys, not like the act of posting on social media and being present on social media. But it's the fact that, like when I turn my phone off, I'm seeing all the people that I see on my phone in real life and I hate it. I don't like that it it is such a surreal and uncomfortable weird thing that, like, it makes me feel like I'm living in the matrix or something. Because it's like. Why? Like, why? It's not like, you know, if when I lived in San Francisco, if I turned my phone off. I could go out into the world and it would be the real world. There would be people that like you know, have like a normal life, like everybody in San Francisco in in that area, the area that I lived the. Peninsula. Everybody had a normal life, like everybody was normal. Everything was like very like. Nothing was like. Crazy. It was so calm. It was so like, you know? You could truly disconnect there because when you turned your phone off, you weren't going to. See the Hollywood fix and then turn left and see like everybody who you saw in your for you page earlier that day. Like, if that's not gonna happen and listen, I'm guilty of going to popular places. Like, I go to popular places that a lot of people go to and that's my. That doesn't help. Like, if I really, really wanted to like, not experience this, I could drive a little bit farther away and like, go to a restaurant that's maybe 20 minutes away rather than two minutes away, and I wouldn't have this issue. But The thing is, is that I want to live. In the area that I live like, I live in this area. It just happens to be like a very popular area for influencers and stuff to hang out, and I mean. It's kind of making me. Isolate myself in a sense, like, I mean, there's a select few people that I I have the energy and all of that to talk to right now and those people. Are kind of an exception, but like. I'm so. I I feel so connected at all times. Like, I don't ever feel like I get to it. It's shut off. And so that's been really tough for me and I never had this issue before, which I think is so weird. I feel like there's an influx of people that are in LA now that weren't here a year ago. Like, I think there's a lot the influencer population in Los Angeles I feel like is growing. Which is great. You know what I mean? Everybody is, yeah, I'm I'm all for people moving to LA and pursuing their dreams and **** yeah, like I'm on everyone's team. I want everyone to succeed and. I'm here for it. Like, I'm not saying like, everybody needs to leave LA. Like, stop coming here. I was here first. I'm not saying that because listen. It that's not fair. Like when I moved here, I wanted people to accept me with open arms. You know what I mean? It's not anyone's. This is not anyone's fault. And I think that for a lot of people, it's actually really fun. Like, people like seeing, you know, influencers that they know, like, out and about. I hate the word influencer, by the way, and I hate that I'm using it. But it's just like. It's just flowing. Let me flow. OK anyway. Like for a lot of people, it's fun to see people that you know or you know and it's fun to see people that you see on your Instagram or on your for you page. Like for a lot of people, that's exciting and that's fun and it's. Sorry. And they like that social stimulation like that is something that they enjoy. And for those people, I'm so jealous. Because I don't feel like that, and I think that I used to. When I was younger, I loved it. Like I loved going to parties and I loved going, you know? And being social and stuff. But recently I've realized that that's not something that I really like anymore. And I think that's totally fine. I don't know if I've grown out of it or what I think a big part of it has to do with my anxiety. And it's not like I don't have social anxiety, like when I'm around people I I don't have. That is not something that I would say. I have and obviously I haven't gone to the. You know any sort of doctor for that either, because I don't think that I have that issue, but I have pretty bad general anxiety and I think that a lot of my anxiety comes from. Comes from the fact that like. I know that LA is a very small, tight knit, like everybody knows each other kind of thing, which is weird because it is kind of a big city and there's people all over, you know, 20 mile radius. There's so many different people and a lot of them know each other because we're all in a very similar industry. Not everybody who lives here, obviously, but there's a very large population, I would say, of people who are in a similar space to me and so. It's kind of like one big high school, and I've said that once and I'll say it again and you know, I left high school for a reason. I don't thrive in that environment. I like 1. Majority of people around me feel like a stranger. It's weirdly comforting to me knowing that I won't ever see that person again when I'm at a. You know, coffee shop and somebody says, hey, like your shoes. It's comforting to me when I'm in a place like New York where I feel like I'm never going to see that person again. Listen, if I lived in New York, it might be a different thing. It might be a similar kind of vibe where everybody knows each other type of thing. I don't know. I've never lived there, but I know with here it's like everyone knows everyone and I. It's. Overwhelming and it's scary and it's like. It's clicky, and there is. It sucks. And I don't like being in this environment. I don't like being around that. I like meeting people that have different backgrounds to me, that do different things than me, like. That's. Exciting to me and like enriching for my life because I like to learn about. Other things and not. My own space, you know, but listen. Is this partially a? An error on my part for sure. Like I'm there's probably bazillions of people in LA that. Are exactly what I'm. Looking for right? The problem is I don't know how to find that. And. In my mind it feels everywhere I look. It's someone I know, right? And so that might be me looking at La in a glass half empty way. Rather than a glass half full. Because LA is such a big city, there's so many different types of people and I just might be looking in the wrong places at the same time. I'm not even really looking for new friends like I don't know if that's even something that I want. So regardless, I think the main issue is. It's really hard to disconnect here when everything that you see on your phone. Is happening right here. So that's kind of what I'm dealing with with that, and it's been giving me a lot of anxiety. Not to mention my anxiety in general has been really bad. Umm. Just about so many things, and I think for any of you guys who struggle with anxiety, it feels like you have this, like dark. Pair of glasses on and everything that you look at, you see through that dark pair of glasses. So. Everything in your life could be going really well, but you're going to see everything in a blurry, dark way. You're not going to be seeing it clearly for what it really is, which in my life right now, everything's really good and I have nothing to be worried about. Yet I'm looking at everything through. A lens of anxiety and. It freaks me out, but I think it's because there's so many things that are out of my control. Which is like obvious, like, OK, Emma, yeah, there's so many things that are out of your control. Everybody can say that, but. I think that sometimes I realize it more than other times. You know what I mean? Like I can't control what someone else says about me. I can't control. What people think about me. I can't control how people perceive me, all of those things. I cannot control those things. And I think recently that's been really, really making me anxious. But what I'm trying to return to is this mindset of. Who gives a ****? You have good people in your life. Who cares about everybody else? Who cares about how those people see you? If you have those core people in your life, it doesn't matter. But actually, even more important than the core people in your life, how you perceive yourself, it all goes in one. It's all one. They all go hand in hand, is what I'm trying to say like. Me being worried about what the Internet and what other people in LA think of me. Directly correlates with my view of myself right now, which is a little bit. Injured, and I'm slowly but surely mending it. But, you know, I've definitely like I a few episodes ago I talked about how I've been having really severe self-esteem issues and they're actually getting better. I've been really trying to make the conscious effort to be like, hey, let's not think about ourselves like that and. So for a little update on that, I'm definitely doing better. It's not. It it's by no means perfect, but I'm really taking steps to fix it and fix myself, esteem and fix it, fix the way I look at myself in the mirror. I'm really, really doing my best and making that conscious effort. It's not an easy journey. It's not something that happens overnight. I didn't expect it to, but it's every day it gets a little bit better and every day I'm talking about it more with people that I love and stuff like that, and that's helping me get through it. So if you guys are on a similar journey with me and maybe you decided you you wanted to do the same thing. To me, when I made that episode, I hope that you guys are having luck with it and. Keep pushing because we're gonna figure this **** out together. What does it really take to make it in New York City when you're young? The come up is a new freeform docu reality series on Hulu. It follows 6 ambitious creative 20 somethings in NYC as they break the status quo and take up all the space. It's a real look into how this next generation of icons are breathing life back into the downtown scene, all while pursuing their dreams, which is a long way of saying they're killing it. The show follows Sophia, a breakthrough photographer who shot her first spread for nylon at just 13 and has been shooting major campaigns ever since. Fernando Modeling's next international star, Tawfiq, the youngest fashion designer to show at New York Fashion Week, Claude, a New York native and aspiring actress. Ben arising, entertainer from Texas and a newbie to New York City, and Ebon, a trans rights activist and fixture of New York underground nightlife. This is now or never. With big goals and even bigger ceilings to break through, they'll need to bust their ***** to chase their dreams. It's time to hustle free forms the come up new episodes Wednesdays on Hulu, but along with that? Whole kind of anxiety lends that I've been looking at life through. That can sometimes lead to me having a slight depressive episode. And for the past week or so I've been feeling. A little bit depressed, not super bad. But. Definitely crying a lot. Definitely really exhausted physically and mentally. Can't like was really struggling to get out of bed and stuff like that. But. I actually feel like today I'm out of it. I'm a little bit anxious today, but I'm not depressed. I don't feel depressed today. Like, I I felt motivated to get out of bed this morning, which was really good, and so luckily the episode wasn't too long of that. But I think that anxiety and depression for me go hand in hand, and if I'm anxious for too long, it'll turn into a depressive episode. And the whole thing is just a ******* mess. And I feel bad, you know, telling you guys about this, because I don't. I don't want to. Come on here every week and, like, complain, right? Like, that's the last thing I want to do and I'm not complaining. I think I'm. My goal is I want to show you guys. I want to be honest about the way that I'm feeling and like things that I'm dealing with because I know that there's. Some of you that are dealing with the same thing and I and I want you guys to feel. Better about those things and feel more normal because it feels really good to know that people are struggling with the same thing. Like, even I was talking to my friend the other day and I was explaining how I was feeling and I was kind of nervous to like, explain it because I was like, God, I want to be a Debbie Downer. But then they were like, am I'm feeling the same way? Like I'm feeling really ****** ** in my head too. Like there's something. Bumming me out and I'm feeling like I'm kind of having a depressed depressive. I feel like I'm kind of having a depressive episode as well, and it made me feel so much better to know. Like, OK, you know what? I'm not alone in this. My friend is going through this too. I'm. This is normal and you know. I'm going to give advice to them, and then I'm going to take that advice too. You know what I mean? It helps. I don't know why. Sorry, I was biting a hangnail off oht. But. I think what's really helped me get out of my I mean, I've been talking to a therapist a little bit. That really helped me a lot. And I usually am like kind of. I have a little bit of PTSD with therapists because when my parents got divorced, I got a therapist and the experience was really bad for me. Hated it, hated it. But. You know, recently. I was really desperate, and I was like, you know what? I think I'm gonna try to talk to a therapist. And I did. And it was so helpful. I just did a call with one. And it was really helpful and it's actually really helped me. And one of the main things that she told me was she was like Emma. You need to forgive yourself for a lot of stuff you need to forgive yourself for. Literally normal things that you've done in your life. I'm very hard on myself, very tough critic with myself as I've talked about on here. And she was like Emma you need to like. Forgive yourself for the things that you've done that you aren't proud of. You know what I mean? Because none of those things harmed anybody. But you. You didn't. With all the things that I need to forgive myself for have nothing to do with anyone else. It's not like I harmed somebody else. With those things. It was like things that I did that harmed myself, for example, like staying in toxic friendships for too long or, you know, trusting somebody who, like, ended up betraying me or even, like not being, you know, a super good friend to people and kind of being like. Emotionally unavailable, which might have harmed other people, but, you know, there's nothing I could do. Sometimes I'm not able to be emotionally available all the time, you know, stuff like that, that like, I can't go and I can't go and apologize to somebody for she was like, you need to forgive yourself for things that. You're mad at yourself about because all the other things you can go and you can apologize to people and have that conversation with them, but there's a conversation that you need to have with yourself. That's even more important. You know what I mean? Because. I think people forget to have conversations with themselves. And even if you're like me and you live alone and you know you're alone a decent amount, like sometimes you forget to, like, check in with yourself. And the other day, actually, yesterday, I was driving to the beach. And I was just kind of thinking about. I I was actually kind of ruminating. Anxiously about. Just like. A bunch of burdens that I have, right? And I kind of thought about it more and all of a sudden I felt this like. Light feeling in my head like. Light meaning like. Heavy versus light, like light like it made me feel like a weight had been lifted and I. Literally felt myself subconsciously forgiving myself. For a lot of things. Like letting people take advantage of me and **** like that. That's the main one, I would say. And. I, like, felt myself forgiving myself for it, and I mean when I tell you I bawled my eyes out. I did bawl my eyes out. But. It was because the therapist told me like you need to forgive yourself and I had that seed planted in my head and then it clicked randomly when I was driving to the beach and then I have felt a lot better since. You know, but it's all about having those seeds planted and having, you know, people to talk to that can plant those seeds because you can't plant a seed in your own brain. So I just recommend that you guys talk to people about what you're dealing with because. Even a little bit of insight from them, or even just like a shoulder to cry on that **** is crazy helpful. So. I don't know. Y'all. I'm just ready. I'm. I don't know. I think the moral of the story is I need to get out of LA. I need to get the **** out of here. And listen, I'm grateful to be here. I'm grateful that, you know, my life is what it is and I wouldn't want it any other way. And. That's that but. I am in in desperate need for a little disconnect and I think that that's very clear. So if you guys want to tweet me any fun destinations that you think I could go to that are. COVID friendly, because I don't know how that whole thing is working right now. Maybe nothing with a plane. Maybe anything kind of close to LA that you think is fun. Please tweet me and let me know. But. Maybe let's lighten the mood. I'm gonna talk to you about. I did a workout class today. Let's talk about what I did today. I did a workout class today for the first time in a really long time because they're all closed. But a workout class that I don't go to often but I like. Relatively a lot Barry's boot camp. I don't know if you guys know what it is. They are doing outdoor classes and so I decided to go. In workout classes are so weird I never realized how really weird they were until. I took the class outside in broad daylight where I could see everyone because normally the rooms are dark. Yeah, workout classes are really weird and the instructors are so insane. Like, I forgot how like high energy and insane they are. They're just so intense that it kind of ****** me off. Like it kind of makes me angry, which kind of makes me work out harder. And maybe that's what they're doing, but like their voices and the way that they like. Yell at you. It just, like bugs me, but at the same time, like it literally makes me so mad that I'm like ******* going hammy when I'm doing it. So, like, maybe they're on to something. But also, working out outdoors for me is like, really not. I don't know if that's my favorite thing unless I'm, like, going for a run, but, like, it was so hot and like, I got a rash on my face from it. And you know what? I'm being too negative. Let's. Do better. Let's actually get into questions from you guys. Somebody said what TV show, movie slash music do you turn on when you just want to zone out and feel better? TV show. I like things that are funny, like cartoons like Rick and Morty is a good one. Or. You know something that's like, almost I I feel like cartoons are better because your brain, like, knows that it's not real, so you're not, like, afraid of it. Like, let's say you watch like a scary movie when you're like anxious, bad idea. You know what I mean? Because it's like, unless it was like an animation, I feel like an animation doesn't. You feel more disconnected from it in a way. Like it feels fake, which is good, whereas like sometimes watching like real TV shows and like **** like that in movies can, like make me more anxious. I've always been somebody that liked to watch cartoons when I was anxious, so like, Rick and Morty is a good one. I mean. I don't know. There's so many like fun little animated things that you can watch for adults or even for kids. Like, I even like to watch ******* SpongeBob. Like watching SpongeBob. Watching. Wallace and Gromit like things like that make me feel really calm when I'm anxious. I also love watching cooking stuff. So like cooking videos, cooking tick tocks, cooking YouTube videos, cooking series on TV that really makes me feel safe. Shows that are kind of like. Mindless like the office or. That's kind of the only one I've ever watched that was like that. But like, the office is a good one too, because it's just really like. It's not. It's just funny and it's lighthearted and it doesn't. It feels not serious, you know? That's a good one. I don't know. And then As for music, I like to listen to really calm music, like things that are almost kind of emotional, like the band Beach house will make you cry, but like it makes you feel safe in a way. Or even like listening to like Tim and Paula, or like Mac Demarco's more chill albums. Stuff like that. Any chill music, Velvet Underground stuff like that? That's just relaxing. Umm. Anything that like doesn't make your nervous system go crazy. Even like jazz, like French. Sounding jazz can be really nice, and it sounds like random, but. Like French music, like the kind of old French music, or like Frank Sinatra. Feels really good sometimes for your brain. Yeah. OK, so I've told you guys about circle before, right? Spelled CIRKUL. Circle was created for people like me, OK, who don't drink enough water every day circles basically this water bottle with over 40 flavor cartridges that makes drinking water way more tasty. The flavors cover all the bases. They have fruit, punches, iced teas. Some even have caffeine or electrolytes, but there's no sugar, there's no calories, and there's no artificial flavors. My favorite flavor is strawberry Kiwi. And my favorite thing about it is I love how the dial on the cartridge lets you choose how much flavor you get per sip. All you have to do is twist the dial to a certain number for how much flavor that you want and you're ready to go. So the cool thing about it is that you can put the cartridge on. And you can set it to whatever setting you want. So you could set it to a setting where when you take a sip of water, it just tastes like water, so there's no flavor added. But if you're in the mood to add some flavor, you can twist it a little bit. And then you have a super flavorful sip. Right now Circle is giving all of my listeners. Up to 35% off their order, plus free shipping on all orders of $15 or more. Plus, as an added bonus, we're throwing in my favorite flavor, strawberry Kiwi, for free. Just visit drink circom Emma. That's drink CIRUL com Emma to get this limited time offer today again. That's drinkcircle.com/emma. Somebody said my friend is in the hospital right now and I can't even visit her because of Corona and I feel so ******* useless that I can't do anything to help her. What do I do? Well, first, please forgive yourself for. The fact that you can't. Go and see her, OK? That is not your fault. That is absolutely not your fault, and you know that if you could, you would go visit her. But you can't. So forgive yourself for that and let go of that burden, because that is so unnecessary. And that's something I've been trying to do with all of my because I I have the exact same mindset. Even if it's not my fault. Even if something is not my fault, I will still be like it is my fault, though. You know what I mean? And I blame myself for things that are out of my control. You you are not in control of the fact that we are in a pandemic and that your friend is in the hospital. That's those are things that you cannot control, what you can control. Is being as helpful as you can, so checking in on her frequently. Checking in on her, calling her, you know, facetiming her, sending her fun things to watch, let's say. Like, you know, you could send her some movie recommendations, you could send her a playlist, you could send her flowers, or maybe postmate something to her hotel room. I don't know if that's allowed at all, but anyway. Stuff like that. Do stuff that show that you care, that make you feel good. You know what I mean? If calling her twice a day and sending her a playlist of sorts once a day, so like, that's like three things that you can do for her per day, if that makes you feel good, do those things and just know that that's the best that you can do. And. Even those things show how good of a friend that you are, and you are a great friend for even thinking like this. So forgive yourself and do those things. Somebody said advice on eating and not feeling bad about it. I haven't been eating more than one big snack in one. Big snack a day. I think they meant 11 big meal and one big snack a day. I feel horrible if I eat more than that. I hope you're staying safe, and I love you. This is slightly triggering for some of you, so I want you to skip through it if it's something that. You know is triggering for you. This is something that. I totally understand because I've struggled with this on and off my whole life. And. I think what you need to remember is that your brain is lying to you. OK. Your brain is telling you that, like, food is your enemy and that. If you eat something bad will happen and for me eating and anxiety go hand in hand. So if my anxiety is really bad then I start to get anxious about food. And I start to become nitpicky with what I'm eating and like I get really obsessive about it because I'm anxious and like that gives me something to, like, focus on. It's super twisted and weird, but it does happen to me. And so. You need to remember that your brain is lying to you. You need to eat. You'll die without it. You'll feel like **** without it. And. It's actually a really amazing and beautiful thing. Food is something that is so. Enjoyable, and it's so. Fun and it's a social thing if you, you know, allow it to be. Whether you're cooking with your friends or your family, or you're going out to a restaurant or anything like that, food is something that. I think in this day and age, you know, so many people associate it with the wrong things, but. Food is. A really great thing. And. Fixing your relationship with it is not an easy Rd. And I'm still on the road to making it. As good as it can be, I mean, but it is a ongoing journey and it's hard to get yourself out of that spot. But I would say what you should do is make a goal for yourself. So say. OK. I need to be eating. A little bit more. So tomorrow I'm going to eat an extra snack that I wouldn't normally eat. I normally would do one meal and one snack, but tomorrow I'm going to do. One meal and two snacks. See how that makes you feel? Wake up the next morning. Realize. Wait, that was totally fine. Nothing bad happened. So then say you know what today I'm going to do. Two meals. And one snack. Take it up a notch, see how it makes you feel. You're going to realize this really isn't so bad. Nothing bad is happening to me. I'm completely fine. And just keep. Trying. To. Push your own limits with food and go out of your comfort zone. With it, like if your comfort zone is 1 big meal and one snack a day, go out of that right? And try to add things to it so you know one extra thing here tomorrow and then the next day maybe switch it around and add another thing here. Until you're eating a sufficient amount of calories. That are healthy for your body. And you're not. Limiting yourself. And listen, it is an ongoing journey and I know how hard it is and I. It's. So hard. Like I this I can relate to more than probably anything. Like I really get it and it's it tortures you constantly, but. Don't make goals that are unrealistic. Take it slow. Be easy on yourself. Don't you know there's no need to, like, fix it overnight? Do it slow and steady. And. That's what's always helped me. And I really wish you luck. And I'm so sorry that you're going through this and. Be patient with the journey. OK, this is really interesting. Because. Well, we'll get into it, somebody said. I want to break up with my boyfriend but he has my nudes and that scares the **** out of me. I just need some advice or how I can do it. I'm not happy anymore. OK, so. This is something that I've dealt with. Not the nude element, but just feeling like somebody. Like knows personal information about me or like whatever. Things that like are private to me that I don't want the whole world to know. And this is scary. I know exactly. I have anxiety about this constantly and I have not cracked the code, but I'm going to give you some advice on how you know you can handle your direct situation, because I think the thing with nudes. Is that, well, number one, you learned a valuable lesson, right? What did you learn from this? That. The repercussions of sending a nude, it's not worth it, you know what I mean? And. It's really scary. And. You don't want to have to deal with that down the line. And so I think that moving forward now, you know, OK, I'm not going to send nudes anymore. I'm, I can ******* be nude in person. I don't need to be sending nudes. It's gonna damage me later possibly, and make me anxious, so I'm not gonna do it anymore. That's the first thing you've learned a lesson that's a positive, OK? But here's how you do it. I think the key is to be as civil about all of this as possible. You need to be like. I mean, number one, you can't stay in a relationship for a reason like that. I was talking to my friend the other day about. How they were staying in the relationship for the wrong reason, like a reason that was like. You know. That was not, like, because they loved the person. It was because they wanted to avoid something very similar to your to your problem here. And I realized I was like, you can't do that. You can't be in a relationship out of fear of what they're going to do when you break up. Because trust me, I've done it. And. I would never do that again. Why? Because number one, it's not healthy for you #2. It's not healthy for them. It's a super. Lose, lose. Because you're gonna break up eventually. So here's what I say you do. Break up with this person in the most civil way possible. Be kind. Be honest. Don't raise your voice, just say listen, I'm so sorry, but this is not. For me anymore. And you know, I really appreciate the time that we had together and I appreciate you as a person. I just don't think that this relationship is what I need in my life right now. I'm really sorry. And I would really, really appreciate it. If you could delete. Those photos right now in front of me. Because. It makes me really uncomfortable that you have them and I. Have been getting a lot of anxiety about it and I would really, really appreciate it if you delete them for me. And if you have his nudes? You can say and I will absolutely delete yours as well. I just think that this is better for both of us if we both know. That those elements are gone. Now listen, I don't know how this would go over if he's a good guy. He'd be like, for sure if he's like, ****. No, like, **** you, *****. Here's the thing. You can't worry about things that are out of your control. All you can do is hope. That he wouldn't do something like that. Now listen. The way to deal with that anxiety is to look at it like this. Is it going to happen? Is he going to leak them or something? Probably not. But he might. Are you going to survive? Yes. Is it going to be tough? Yes. But you have to look at it in both ways. You have to realize the possibility, right? There is a chance. But I think that if. You were honest with him that that was making you really upset. I I really think that it would take a pretty ****** ** human being. Not to delete them. And I hope for you that he does. And. If he doesn't. He's a big ***** ** ****. But I say communication is key. Try your best. To be on the same page with him about that. We're talking about Macy's again. My favorite one stop shop in such a beloved friend to anything goes. Macy's is the best because it really has something for everyone and every occasion. Whether it's clothes, HomeGoods, cooking Ware, whatever it may be, Macy's has something for you in the spirit of everybody having their own individual Macy's shopping experience. They're making us feel like true VIP's for the next couple of weeks because Macy's VIP sale has arrived just in time to get everything you need to cozy up this fall. From September 23rd to October 3rd, get 30% off regular sale and clearance items plus. 15% off beauty. And again, outside of beauty, that's 30% off. Pretty much everything from clothing, shoes and handbags to home decor and appliances. It's happening at Macy's. You want to know what I'm going to get? I'm going to get scarves because I really want to have a scarf. I live in California. It's only cold for like 3 months here, and it's not even that cold. Like it never snows, but I need to be leaning into the winter. Entire this year, because last year I wasn't going hard enough. So I will be picking up a few things from Macy's if you need to get some stuff for fallcheckoutmacys.com, that's macys.com. You'll find what you need. I can guarantee you that. Somebody said. Do you feel like you'll always live in LA? No. I know I answered this like, literally once an episode, because people ask me this quite frequently, and my answer changes every time I want to get out of this ************. It's so bad. I want to get out of here so bad. Somebody said how do you deal with anxiety? When you're with a group of people or in public, this actually reminds me of when I was at Coachella. Not this year obviously, cause it didn't happen, but last year and we were at the Billie Eilish set and I had a panic attack. In the crowd. Because someone was like, filming me. In like a really invasive way and like, it just made me feel really. It just triggered a panic attack for me. And So what I did, it was tough because Coachella is like, there's not a lot of places to escape. There's just people everywhere. But I actually. Walked to the bathroom by myself. It was all the way across the field and took me like 15 minutes to walk there. But I just walked to the bathroom and I went into this bathroom stall and I sat down and I just closed my eyes. And I called my mom, and then the reception barely worked because the reception at Coachella is terrible. But for some reason, calls were going through for me last year. Don't know how it's possible. And I did. I called my mom. Well, on the toilet and I was like, I'm feeling really anxious and she kind of talked me down. And made me feel better, and then I was able to reinsert myself into the public, but I think that the key is to. Either have a second by yourself, find a little place that you can escape, whether it's going to the bathroom or you know, maybe going and saying you're getting something from your car, but just sitting in your car for a second, like having a moment to yourself. Can really help, just to gather your thoughts. Cool yourself down. Close your eyes. Maybe like put a song on your phone and put it up to your ear and just listen to a song and focus on the song. Focus on something else. Focus on how many tiles are on the ground. Count the tiles. Count how many ******* little metal holes you have on your shoes. Like, you know, those little metal. Holes, you know what I mean? You know, look at your hands. Focus on your hands. Focus on your legs. Like, look just like, focus on anything that's not. Your anxiety and just kind of like get your mind off things for a second by yourself and take deep breaths and close your eyes. Just try anything and if you're like me and you know your anxiety. Feels better when you're talking to somebody. Call someone and be like, listen, I just need to talk this out real quick. Do you have a second and just talk through? Mike, I'm really anxious about this. This is this and. When you get it out and you talk about it, it'll help so much because it kind of puts everything into perspective. So that's what I do. I hope that that helps. Somebody said what do you do when you feel a lack of motivation about literally everything? I had this for a few days when I was kind of going through my depressive episode and I, you know. To be honest, it was like. This time around because it's different every time, but like. I I felt really guilty about the fact that I had no motivation because I have a lot of **** that I need to do. And I was doing none of it because I didn't have the stamina to do it. And. I actually think would help me. Was going to the beach by myself really? Because. Even though I didn't really want to go. I went anyway, and I did that for myself because I knew that getting in the ocean would make me feel better. And so I that's what I did. I jumped in the ocean, laid out for a little bit, got back in my car and went home. And I felt a lot better afterwards because. I did that for me. And I pushed myself to get out of bed. And do something that I knew would. Brighten my mood and maybe make me feel inspired. The thing is, it's really hard when you're not motivated to like, get yourself to even do something for you. And that's the tough part. It's not like, oh, I don't want to do my homework or I don't want to do my work in general. Like, it's like, no, I don't want to do anything. I don't want to get up and cook something I don't want to like. I get it. The thing is if you. Make it a challenge to do like one of those things a day it it will make you feel better about yourself and it'll help bring the motivation back because you're like, you know what, I can do it. And it actually felt good, but it's really hard because you you tend to feel like, God, I don't have the energy to do that, and I don't really have to do that. So why would I do it? The thing is, you need to do some stuff for yourself. Even if that's literally laying in bed and watching movies all day for a week, that might be what you need to recharge. But if that if you do that and it doesn't work, then that means it's time for you to get out of bed and do something for you. Go shopping, go to the thrift store. Go to a coffee shop. Hang out with a friend you haven't talked to in a while. Whatever you think will be enjoyable for you, try to do something enjoyable. Because I think when you're feeling unmotivated, it's because you don't have anything that you're looking forward to, and you don't feel like you know anything's enjoyable. So it's hard to be motivated because you don't feel like there's joy in what you're doing. But if you try to find something that you feel like might bring you joy, chances are at will and you'll feel a lot better afterwards. And then when you need to go, you know, do the tedious things of life, you'll have a lot more. Stamina mentally. Somebody said, do you get anxiety when you leave a store without buying anything? Yes, I ******* hate it. Sometimes I literally buy things that I don't even want because I feel bad and that's not smart. So don't do that. I need to work on that. Somebody said, what's your favorite Girl Scout cookie? I like samoas and. The peanut butter ones. Forgot what those are called. Dosey Doe or something? No, I don't think it was. Somebody said, when do you think it's the right time to step it up with a guy? This can obviously go either way for a guy, girl, whatever. Like, I guess the question is, like, how do you know when it's time to, like, take it to the next level with somebody that you're talking to? I would say when you start to feel really strong feelings and like, you don't want to talk to anybody else, like when you're like, I don't want to have anything to do with anyone else. I want to be with this person and this person only. I have only eyes for this person. I think that's when you either make the relationship official or. You know, you have a conversation to see if they're on the same page and maybe potentially work towards starting a relationship with this person, but when you're kind of like, I don't want to be with anyone else, that's when I think you step it up. It's hard to do that, though. Like, for me, I'm never the one that wants to say that ****. I'm always like, well, I will wait for the boy to do it and I will just sit here and know what I want, which is a relationship or not. Who knows? But. I will just wait for them to say it. I don't know if that's a bad thing, but anyway. Somebody said I use sarcasm about myself way too often. The truth is that it's my coping mechanism and I make fun of myself, so I don't give. The right to others. I've been struggling with myself esteem for quite some time. Any thoughts on self love? I mean, I made an episode about this kind of. Umm. I think it was two episodes ago and listen like kind of about my whole self esteem issue and all that, but. The thing is I think that self deprecation, I mean I do this constantly I mean in real life in my videos like I cannot accept a compliment like it is really. It's really tough. And listen, I don't think there's anything wrong with like a little bit of, you know, fun, harmless, joking about yourself. But I think the key is just. Knowing that like. Those things aren't true. Like, you can be, kind of. Sarcastic about yourself and make fun of yourself in a way that isn't harmful to yourself esteem or that doesn't reflect your self esteem. And I think the key is maybe? Try to take a break from the self deprecating jokes because I think that those can get to your head. Because you start to say these things so often about yourself that they become real in your brain. And I think for a while, practice saying nice things about yourself. Even if it's by yourself, like practice being like, ohh my hair looks good. Not being like, well my hair looks good but my skin looks like ****. You know what I mean? But I guess I shouldn't. Like, don't. Practice those things when you're on your own and like looking in the mirror and saying nice things. And, like, it's almost like retraining your brain and it sounds dumb and but it's it's really. It's replacing the mean and negative things that you say about yourself with nice things and that goes a super long way. So try that out. But I think overall self-esteem has to do with like. There's so many different. Variables and. It's such a constant journey and. You know, and I totally get it, and I'm struggling with it right now. I mean, I think what I'm really trying to do is focus on myself and my relationship with myself and growing that relationship with myself and truly being in tune with me. Spending time by myself, going to the beach by myself. I literally did that once and think I'm like a new ******* person. But I I usually don't do **** like that because I usually when I'm by myself, I'm just like, yeah, it's chill at home and whatever, but I'm trying to like, do things with myself and realize that, number one, I don't need anyone else and #2. I'm happy with who I am. Whether people are giving me compliments or they're saying something mean about me, I'm happy with who I am and like living that. Being proud of myself, doing things that make me feel proud. Things like that. Anyway, let's answer like a fun ******* question. I'm sick of all those dark ****. OK, my last question is going to be also kind of depressing, but I really think this is important to touch on. Somebody said. Do you get anxiety about people investigating too much into your life? I'm asking because I know it's something very personal for you, but does it ever make you anxious that people try to know everything? I love you. I love you too. Yes, it does. And this is one of the it's a huge. Cause of anxiety for me, and you know, it is something that is inevitable in the space that I am in and with the job that I have. I don't like calling it a job, but you know, with the position that I'm in here. It is natural for people to be curious about my life and I understand that and I, you know, I get it, but it is really emotional for me. Because. Number one. I refused to talk about it because. I can't. It's. I can't that. That is where I draw the line. I'll tell stories here and there once things are far enough in the past, but like #1, it's tough to do even that because I might tell a story. And everybody might think that they know who it's about, but chances are that's not the case. And. A lot of things have happened to me that no one knows about. There's a handful of things that people have known about. There's a handful of things that people have speculated about. But. No one knows the truth except for me and that person. In those people. And. No one knows. And people can guess all they want, but The thing is that I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to explain it. I don't want to explain every failed friendship in every failed relationship. I want to move forward. And I also want to respect the privacy of friends and. You know, people in my life that don't want. The attention. I want to respect that. Because. It would be selfish of me. To bring people into this when they didn't sign up for it. And sometimes it's out of my control, and sometimes things get taken out of context and even if something's completely false, you know there'll be a whole. There's a whole narrative about it and you know, I understand it's it's. I did you know this is something that I did like I'm? And I don't. I'm not angry at anybody about it. I don't like, you know, obviously, but it does make me anxious because it's something I don't want to talk about. And I don't want to address it, because think about it. If I do address every single failed friendship and every single failed relationship and every single, I mean, I would have no other content. I I have to leave somethings need to be private and the problem is is that. You know, that's really hard for. A lot of people to understand in a way, because I think that I'm so open about everything that like. You know me not wanting to talk about a handful of things. That's like, you know? People are like, what the ****? But it's like, listen, I need to keep things private. Because. For not only the well-being of the other people, but also for the well-being of me and I don't want to feel like I'm being used for things I don't want to feel like because I'm always on edge, OK? I'm always ready. For me to figure out that someone used me. And sometimes people even use me on accident. They don't even mean to. They they might even genuinely care about me, but they're like, well, I also see an opportunity here. So it's like. And the whole thing is just crazy. I have to keep it private and it does give me a lot of anxiety. But here's the thing, you know, at the end of the day. There's nothing I can do about people speculating or saying this or saying that I can't control. I cannot control it. There is nothing I can do. I could say anything about it. I could explain the whole situation. It wouldn't matter. It doesn't matter. People are going to believe what they want to believe and I don't want to talk about it anyway. And you know what? Not to be an ******* but it truly is my business. And yes, I put myself out on the Internet, but at the same time. I am anti. I absolutely have the right to say this is my own private thing and I don't want to talk about it. I'm allowed to say that, and I'm allowed to feel like that. I don't need to share those things if I do not want to. I don't. And I won't. Unless I like when I'm like 70 years old. I'll just come out and tell y'all everything. And I can't wait. But not now. See you guys in 40 years. Anyway, I love you all. Thank you for listening. Hopefully this episode wasn't too much of a Debbie Downer. Tweet me some. Topics that you want me to talk about or tweet me questions. The Twitter is at AG podcast. Leave us a little review on Apple Podcasts. Five stars would be amazing and write a little note about, you know, maybe something that you want me to talk about or really anything. Feel free to head down there, check it out. And I'll see you guys next week. Thank you for listening. I love you guys a lot and. I know that there's a lot of anxiety and you know. Pain in the air right now. And I think a lot of us are feeling it. And I just want you to know that we're all in this together. We're gonna get through this together. And be patient with yourself through this time and through anytime to be honest. And do something for yourself today. Who gives a **** about anybody else? You are your own best friend. You're your own significant other. You're everything to yourself. You are the only person that you're gonna have forever. That's guaranteed, so you might as well make that relationship as healthy as you can. Trust me, I'm still working on it. It's not going so well for me, but I am trying to take my own advice. I love you all. Have an amazing day. Peace out. We're here with Phil talking about what's new with heart Nissan. Phil, what are some good reasons somebody should buy now? That's a great question. We all know that car shopping could be an overwhelming process. Plus people are uncertain about a lot these days. Partisan recognize that? So we rolled up a heart rewards program. All new and pre-owned vehicle purchases. Get one year identity theft protection 3, Virginia State inspections and multipoint inspections. One year tire Rd Hazard with roadside assistance, a three day vehicle. Change and every purchase or service earns heart rewards points. That's a ton of stuff. It's amazing. Offering all those benefits. It can really save people a lot of headaches and of course, money. Exactly. And we have even more savings right now. Get 0% financing on all new and certified pre-owned Nissan in our inventory. Phil, thanks so much for coming in. Hartnissan.com right, you got it. 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