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Sparkling water with apple cider vinegar in it. Because it's 6:00 PM. Oh no, 7:00 PM. And I can't have coffee anymore. Because, well, here's why. I refuse to drink coffee after 4:00 PM now. My friends and I would literally go and get coffee at 7:00 PM a year ago and my sleep schedule was traumatic. It was terrible. So. Ever since I fixed my honestly again, I've talked about this before. The one good thing that quarantine has done for me is fix my sleep schedule, which is so weird because I feel like it should have been the opposite. But I I really be going to bed at 10:30 and that is never happened in my whole life. But. Now I have like, this genuine fear of ******* on my sleep schedule again. Like I'm I'm genuinely terrified that I will **** it up. So no coffee past four, no waking up later than 9. Those are just the rules. And. It's been working really well for me. I don't know what. Like, got me into this routine, but now I can't imagine going to bed later than 10:30. Like, I I'm addicted to going to bed at 10:30 and waking up at like 738. It's the best **** I've ever done for my life. Which might seem dramatic, but I really think it changed my life. Am I still a little bit depressed? Yes. But if I was waking up later, I think it would be worse. So I think that it's been very helpful. It's really nice to wake up and just have the peaceful morning to myself. I don't know. I I don't know why I didn't ever do it earlier, but I also think that it might have been my hormones as a teen, like every teenager I know cannot wake up. Comfortably. Before 10. And I think that you grow out of it because I like think I literally grew out of it this year. Like I think I must have hit some sort of puberty of some sort that made me able to wake up early and go to bed early. I think because I used to try. When I was younger, like in my early to mid to slightly late teen years. I used to try to fix my sleep schedule. It wasn't possible and nobody that I knew, none of my friends could figure it out either. But now that I'm older, I feel like I'm able to do it. When before like nothing could fix my sleep schedule so. I don't know. Be patient if you're in your if you're in between like. 12 and 17 just be patient. I think your sleep schedule will get better with age. Why? OK, Frankie is yelling at me through the door. I'm gonna open, watch what's gonna happen. I'm gonna open the door. I'm like, come on in, Frankie, if you wanna hang out. If you're whining at me. You're gonna don't you wanna hang out? I'm gonna open the door. She's not gonna come in. I'm gonna close it. And then she's gonna keep whining. Let's see what happens. OK, update I am an ******* because she did come in and now she's sitting on my lap. Sorry Frankie for that. Anyway. The next thing I want to talk about, I don't even know what I just talked about, but. I I need to have a heart to heart with you guys and I I know, I know. Emma, you just have a heart to hearts every week, correct? That is correct, but really like. I think we need to have another one. Because. It's really what's on my mind like I have. I have so many things on my mind, like so many specific things on my mind that are troubling me in a sense and. They're getting in the way of me being able to like, I feel bad, like, talking about **** that's bothering me because I'm like, **** I don't wanna be a Debbie Downer. I said this last episode, I'm pretty sure, but like, **** it, OK? These are the things that are on my mind and I'm just going to be unapologetic about it. The first issue that I've been having recently. And I don't know if it's the quarantine effects or like what. I cannot. Cannot. Be around people anymore or speak to people at all. Not on the phone, not over text, and definitely not in person. I have literally lost and I had a feeling that this would happen because I remember when this first started, I was like, are we all gonna, like, lose our social skills? Well, I think I did. I literally think I did. I think I've lost part of my social savviness. I used to be so outgoing. Very extroverted. I always wanted to go like, if there was a party, I was there if there was. Whatever. And throughout this quarantine, it's completely drifted away and went away. I literally cannot speak to anybody and this is like, there's more to it, like when I do speak to people. I get awful anxiety and I used to never get anxiety from hanging out with people. I could hang out with anyone, a ******* stranger off the street and be fine and have fun with it and enjoy it. I literally can. There are. Maybe four people that I can tolerate talking to right now and I cannot talk to anybody else and I feel bad about it, OK, maybe five or six total in my whole life. Then I can talk to comfortably and not be anxious about it. Or uncomfortable. It's really weird because I've never in my life. I haven't felt like this in many years because I feel like I really came out of my shell. When I moved to LA, like a few years into living here, I really came out of my shell. I just crawled right on back in. And I'm in a different way though, because I think before I wanted to be social, but I was timid and not confident. Now I feel more confident, but I just really, really don't want to speak to anybody. Like I can't respond to texts. People text me. They're like, how are you doing? I can't respond. I don't know why. I do not know why. I think it's because I have nothing to say. Maybe. I'm like, I'm doing good. Like I'm doing the ******* same I was four months ago. Why are you like, I have nothing new to say, you know? So I just don't respond to that if people want to FaceTime or even hang out in person if it's safe and makes sense. I will make up excuses until I'm blue in the face like I I cannot. I don't want to FaceTime. I will decline every call. And make an excuse for every hangout I I cannot do it. This has really gotten especially bad over the past month and 1/2. It's always been bad, but now it's like at a whole new level. I literally cannot speak to anybody, see anybody. I just want to see a few people, talk to a few people and that's it. I feel really bad. I there's so many people that I'm neglecting in my life. But I mentally cannot speak to them, hang out with them, talk to them in any capacity. I don't have the energy for it, and I'd rather just be by myself in my room or with the six select people that I. That don't bother me, two of them being my parents. It's sad. It's really sad and weird. Like I used to crave. Hanging out with people. I was really such a social butterfly before and I didn't even realize it in the moment because. I don't know. I just like, I loved. Meeting new people. I loved making new friends. I mean, I was, of course, you know, again, I I was always hesitant to meet new people because I was scared. But if I ended up liking them, it was great. Like going to parties I loved. I loved going to parties. It was one of my favorite things to do and not even like I ever got invited to them. But like the once every two months when it would happen, I was psyched. A birthday party. I was there. I was looking forward to it all week. Like I used to look forward to social events, used to get excited. I literally the thought of even going to code. Coachella scares me and that's my favorite time of the year. I mean, I'm excited for Coachella when that happens again, don't get me wrong, I'm very excited because I want to see all the music and hang out with my select six people that I like. Except for two of them are my parents when they would not be there. But you know what I'm saying? Like. I'm excited to go to social events like Coachella just so I can do fun things with my people that don't bug me. Not even like the the people that I don't respond to or that I'm ignoring bug me. They don't bug me. It's not their fault. It's not personal at all. It has nothing to do with them. I just can't. I have a mental block. Socially. And I don't. I don't know what it is. I can't explain it. It's so bizarre. I don't really feel like this has happened much ever in my life. I'm normally somebody that actually really likes attention and so normally, like getting texts from people asking me how I'm doing or asking me to hang out would be like my dream. But right now, no, like I it really. I really, genuinely hate it and I want everybody to leave me alone. But I also feel like that's so mean. And also, nobody's done anything wrong to me. I have absolutely no reason to be. Not speaking to anybody right now, I I don't have a reason. And I think that that's what bugs me the most. I don't have a reason, I don't have an excuse. It just it makes me upset and anxious, which I guess is a valid enough excuse. But it's a hard thing to explain to people because there's so many people I want to text right now and be like, I'm sorry that I am being a flaky friend. Or not checking in on you. I just literally can't. I I can't do it. And I don't know why it's so bizarre. I'm I honestly, I'm genuinely curious about why. If somebody could explain to me why I'm feeling like this, I would love that. I have no idea. Umm. It's so bizarre and so. I don't know. I don't think it's a bad thing. I don't think it's wrong of me. And it's not like I'm ghosting like my best friends. It's all people that I've like. You know, it's nobody that I'm super close with. It's all like the type of friend that you see every few months. But I've really been neglecting those friendships all year and then now it's piling up and now everybody is getting mad at me. But it's not personal. I just can't do it. It sucks. It really does suck. I have some friends and family members who wear contacts, and honestly, I can't imagine how much of a pain it must be to always have to go to the eye doctor, go in for unnecessary tests. When you know that your prescription hasn't changed. It's so time-consuming and so stressful. I truly can't imagine one 800 contacts has been making people's lives so much easier and delivering contact lenses for 27 years. They make getting contacts super fast and easy. Even if you have a really strong prescription, all you have to do is order the same contacts you would get from your doctor. Just look on the side of your contacts box for that info. You can order online, over the phone, or with their app, and they ship them fast and free to your home. You can even renew your prescription. Online using their express exam and there are so many benefits to going through. One 800 contacts. They guarantee if you find your contacts at a lower price elsewhere, they'll beat it. And I mean, who doesn't like to save a little money? Speaking of which, new customers can get extra discounts when you check out their site, and their 24/7 customer support is so helpful that it's award-winning. So let one 800 contacts get you the contact lenses you need. Order online at one 800 contacts. Dot com. If you're feeling the same way, I can guarantee it probably has something to do with quarantine and not the fact that we're we're not broken, we're human. This is normal, probably. I don't know. I haven't talked to any like type of professional or like elderly person about it. For advice so I don't really know, like. If this is a good or bad thing, but if I feel. To place, to play devil's advocate here, if I feel best when I'm either talking to or around the six people that I can be around or just being by myself and that's what's working for me, I need to just honor that and not question it. But it is bizarre that it's happening. I think a big part of it too, is that. I have a lot of things that I'm like I this is going to sound so ******* annoying, but. There's a lot of things that I. I want to I I need to do for my own. Like, I needed like, exercise every day. That's a number one priority over being social. Because if I don't exercise, then I don't release endorphins and I feel like **** even if it's just a little walk to the to a coffee shop near me, something, anything. I'll do anything that's super important to me or like. ******* like? I don't know. Getting my work done at a reasonable hour, that's more important to me. I'd rather just do that stuff than be social. I don't want to be social right now. I'd rather do things for me. And be lazy in bed if I want. I don't wanna have to like also I guess there's, you know. Oh my God, I wonder if it's this too. You know what? I might just have had an epiphany. My dad has mentioned before that he doesn't really like having friends just to hang out with them and talk. He likes having friends that he can do stuff with. For example. He's an artist, so he'll go out and he'll paint with his friends. That's like doing an activity with a friend and it's not like. You're accomplishing something. It's productive. I think the idea right now. Of. Going and hanging out at somebody's house. In watching a movie like that to me seems like such a waste of ******* time. But that's pretty much all we can do right now. It's not like I could go. Shopping with a friend? Really? It's not like I could. Go to go to dinner with a friend right now. It's not like I could. Go to some sort of like fun pottery thing. Like most things are closed right now, so in LA especially so. There's nothing productive to do with others. I mean, there probably is, but it feels like there isn't, and I think that that's what's so uninspiring about it. To me, it's like if somebody just wants me to come over and watch a movie with them, I'm not going to do it. Like, I just don't want to do that. That's the last thing I want to do. Or come over and, like, sit around on the couch and, like, talk **** about people. Like, I don't know, like, that's all people do. I just. It doesn't sound good to me. I just don't wanna do it so. It's not personal to anybody. I just literally mentally can't do it and the thought of like what I would be doing with said people is even worse to me. Like all of those things would just give me anxiety and so. I will stick to the. Few people that I can handle being around at this time try not to question it. It's probably normal and move on, but that's something that's been really weighing heavily on me because I feel guilty about it, for one. But. For two it's kind of concerning because I'm like, what's wrong with me? Like I've lost my social spark, you know? I don't really have the motivation to have a conversation with anybody anymore. I'm kind of happy in my own brain. But like, not in a good way, though. Like it. Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe it's even just me becoming mature and this would have happened anyway, but I just don't have interest in like, having conversations with other people like I, I, there's. I don't see a point to it which is not good because I think there is something to be said for being social and talking to others and learning more about other people's lives and their point of views. But. Right now, that just sounds so unappealing and pointless to me. I also think the other thing is too a lot of people. A lot of people are really negative right now. Hello, me right now being slightly negative. And it's like, I don't want to have a conversation about some negative **** for an hour and just get more sad when I could watch cooking videos in my bed by myself or with one of the six people that I don't want. To cut out of my life at this time. And I could enjoy it with them and. Like, not I just. I don't know, there's like this weird limbo for me with like these people that. I've like known forever, but I just can't follow through. With the plans anymore, like I just, I I can't do it. And let me know if you guys are feeling the same way. You can tweet me at a G podcast and let me know if you can relate to that at all. Because I mean, it's been making me feel really weird and off and it's so out of character and I'm curious to see if anybody else has been feeling the same way. Another thing, I mean, I kind of talked about how I've been trying to. Exercise to keep me in a good spot in my head and it has been helping. I took a little break from it because I just kind of got sick of it for a little bit and I was like, I'm just not in my workout grind. Like I just don't really feel it right now. So I stopped for a little bit, but I'm slowly getting back into running outside. And but here's my issue. I have this like. I hate running in my neighborhood because there's so many people around. Like, there's so many people running, there's so many people walking around, like walking to coffee shops in the area and stuff like that. And. I hate it because of a few reasons. Number one, I don't know what I look like when I run, and in middle school I would never thought about the way that I ran, but then one time in middle school somebody was like a you run so weird. Anyway, that stuck with me permanently and I've never wanted to run in front of anybody ever again. Which is ironic because they did cross country and track in high school. But I think at that point I just gave up. But still I have a very large. Phobia of somebody watching me run, so the fact that there's been so many people out and about. Like trying to get their fresh air during all this has been extremely upsetting to me because I. I know I'm never going to see these people again, but the fact that there's so many people around seeing me run, potentially in a weird way, which I've never found out for sure because I refused to fill myself running because I don't want to know. And there's just an anxiety there for me. But it was funny because other day I was on a run and I saw. A famous comedian at a coffee shop. That made me anxious. I made eye contact with him and I was like. Really? I was like, **** he's probably going to write a whole entire comedy special about how bad my running looks. O. Keep your eyes out for the next Chris Delia special. When it comes out on Netflix of him probably talking about how I run like a chicken. Can't wait, there was Chris Delia. Or Delia. I don't know how to say his name. And we did make eye contact, and that was my worst. It was like my worst nightmare coming true. And then actually, funny story. Right after I saw him, I continued to run. And the. I was running past a high school. And it was the weekend. It was a Sunday. And then I look over and I realize, Oh my God, every Sunday this high school holds is like the venue for a flea market. And in LA, a flea market, it's like a thrift. It's like one big thrift store that's outdoors. It's almost like a farmers market, but for vintage clothing or homemade clothing, anything like that. And a bunch of like, people my age go there to shop. I mean, I go there to shop. It's super fun. I forgot that the flea market was happening. But I'm like running, and I realized I was about to run past it. I do a full 180 and I'm like, OK, I can't run the other way because if I run the other way, I'll run past Mr Comedian again. If I go straight, I have to go down this like alley. That's kind of scary, so I don't want to do that. But if I keep running, then I'm gonna run past. The flea market. Where there's a bunch of people my age, and there's nothing scarier than a bunch of people your age seeing you run while they're out with their friends. Shopping. There's something so vulnerable about that, and let me tell you, I'm in no spot to be vulnerable right now, so I decided to run down the alley. This is a true story I can't believe I didn't like. Think to bring this up like I I only remembered the comedian element, but this whole entire run was traumatizing. So I decided to go down the alley, and I'm running down the alley. And there was some people in there and it was, it was very, it was a wide alley. Like very wide, like, not narrow, like a dark alley. It was like pretty wide, like 2 cars could fit driving down it at the same time. So pretty wide. There was a guy walking down. A little channel of the alley, like he was whatever. There was basically a guy in the alley holding 2 baseball bats. And he wasn't facing me, he was walking the other way, but I was very frightened of that. Umm, it was a terrible experience to be honest, but at the same time it's like I need to go get that fresh air or else I'll lose my marbles. But. The things that you see in Los Angeles when you try to go for a peaceful run. I need to find like a good area that has a bunch of nature. Like I need to find a good nature area at some point that I could run in to escape the city element. Because why am I running in the city? God only knows I don't. It's just not smart anyways. OK, so if I were to host a live radio show and I could play any music I wanted, I would honestly probably have the time of my Life OK, but I'll admit I would probably end up playing. Just sad music. I don't know what it is about me, but I love sad music, OK? And so I'd probably end up playing. A lot of sad music. 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And with 10s of millions of licensed songs to choose from, everyone will find the music that appeals to them. But it's not just music. You can have a talk show, or react to news, or riff on pop culture, and that's one of the best parts about being a podcast host. You can just riff. On whatever. Excites your mind on any given day. So download AMP today in the App Store that's a amp, or ask Alexa to play amp. More of what's been going on in my life. My mom visited me for five weeks in LA. She was here for five weeks. And. Right when she left, my dad decided to come visit, so I have officially been living with at least one of my parents at a time for six weeks. I'd love to talk about. How that's going for me? Umm. I think I need my alone time. I love my parents so much. I love them so much. But I really, really need my alone time and. I took it for granted. I did. And. It's been a little bit tough because. You don't realize the little things. It's like when I'm in the kitchen and I'm cooking and my parents are in there. And they're like getting in my way. As dumb and. Stupid and petty as it seems. Stuff like that makes my like. Makes me tense, right? And it's it's part of living with another person. When somebody staying with you and somebody's living with you, when you live with somebody in general, those things are going to happen. They're normal. But. Living with somebody else for some people is great, but for me it makes me very tense. It's like. Waking up in the morning or like getting out of the shower and having to, like, close all my doors and close all my windows so that nobody sees me, those types of things all make me very tense. I feel like I'm. I'm not. I don't have like the freedom. I can't just walk around naked if I want, like, stuff like that. Not that I even do that anyway, but it's like the fact that I can't makes me tense. And so I think that the fact that I haven't had any alone time for six weeks straight is kind of making me lose my marbles a little bit. And. I'm very much ready to get my alone time back. It's been. Very eye opening and. It just made me realize how, like, I don't know how I'm ever going to live with anybody. Ever. That's not true. Maybe it's when it's your parents. It's a little bit different because I've never had a roommate, so I don't know what that would be like. But then again, I've like had sleepovers with my friends for weeks on end. And that's always been fine and different. I think there's something about having your parents around where you constantly feel like you need to be on your best behavior. The kitchen always has to be clean. Your room always has to be organized. It's almost like you live at home again, you know? So maybe that's why it's so it can be so anxiety provoking. But at the same time, if I really think about it, I'm glad I get to even spend time with my parents so I feel like a *****. Saying that, it's making me tense, but that's the honesty of the situation. I feel like most kids get really anxious when they're living with their parents, and that's why as scary as becoming an adult. Is is as scary as it is to become an adult. Being able to move out of your parents' home is one of the best feelings ever. And I I really think that if any of you guys are fearing that right now or, you know, whatever. It's it's really not that bad, and it actually is probably better than you think. I mean, at least in my opinion. I really love it. I love living alone. I love having my own space. Umm. And if any of you are fearing it, I would say don't, because I think it's a really great thing. And I also think that it makes my relationship with my parents better. I've actually found that it's weird. I don't really hang out with my parents much when they visit me, but when they're not here I'm calling them all day long. All day long I'm calling them literally six times a day, each parent when they're not here. But when my parents are here, I don't talk to them all day like maybe during meals and that's it and I don't know what it is. It's so interesting. What the whatever the psychology is of that I'm curious. I don't know, but so weird. Anyway, my dad will probably be leaving in a few days and I'll have my alone time back and we'll see how that affects my anxiety and overall mental health in general. I'm very curious to see if maybe it'll be better for me, or maybe it will be worse. God only knows, but I'll keep you guys updated. The last topic I've written down for today is something that's been happening happening to me so much, and it's. Literally bugging me so bad. OK, so. Now. There is one person that I follow on Instagram. They're a friend. And I am the first one to view their Instagram story. I swear to God, every single time they post a story. And I don't know why this is. I literally every time I open Instagram, the first thing I do is click on stories to see like that first before I look on the feed. And I'll click the first story and then it'll go and play through all of them. Whatever. Whatever. You guys know how Instagram works. Every time I go on Instagram, this person has posted a new story and I am the first viewer. I swear to God. Like, I'm talking about 30 seconds after they post it. I almost want to mute them because I'm so embarrassed and I know that they're seeing it, but we're not that close. Like, we're close, but we're not close enough to a point where I'd be like, dude, I'm, I'm viewing, I am your first view on every story. Like, we're not there yet, so it's like, I couldn't. Bring it up. But yet I know that they're seeing it and it's I know it's probably an elephant in the room and it makes me so uncomfortable, but I don't know why I'm having that coincidence. And you know what's funny about it too? This person doesn't post a lot on their stories, though. Maybe post two stories a day, maybe three or four. I am literally seeing it one minute after it's posted, every single time. I think I'm going to mute him. I'm I'm serious because I'm getting embarrassed. It's ****** it it. I'm mortified so. I don't know what what's happening with that but. Like, does he think that I ohh like, see, then I could go down a whole path about it, number one. I mean, there's a chance he's not seeing it, and that's great. I love that chance. Like, I love thinking about that. I love thinking that there's a great chance that he isn't even noticing. But on the off chance that he's seeing it like I don't even, I might as well block him like I I ohh, it hurts my body to think about. Anyway. Now is the time of the episode where. I'm going to talk about what you guys would like me to talk about. OK, the first thing you guys wanted me to talk about was how ****** ** the school systems are. I completely agree. I mean, you didn't really. You made a statement there. You said that the school systems are ****** **. I completely agree. I especially think right now it's even worse, and I don't. I hate to put an opinion in about something without having a solution for it. Like I hate to say. That the whole zoom classes things isn't working, but then not propose a solution. Because I don't have one. I don't know. That's kind of just what we're. I guess that's the cards we were dealt and we just have to deal with it, but at the same time. I don't think it's working like I I don't know because I'm not in school right now. But just from talking to my family members that are still in school or even when I have talked to some of my old home friends that are in college right now, everybody's like, I'm not learning anything, like I haven't learned anything since. COVID started. Like nothing. And I mean I bet there are some people that are learning stuff, but like a lot of people can't focus staring at a screen all day. My thing is, I wonder what would be a better solution. Part of me even thinks that it would be better. To cut the workload in half. And then give kids the time to, like, find things that they're passionate about. You know, I feel like the school system in general. It takes up so much of your time. Because it's so rigorous usually, at least in my experience, that there's no time to find a passion in life. Not only that, but there's no energy left. You work so hard at school and sports and extracurriculars and stuff like that, but by the time that the day is over, you have no energy or inspiration left to find a passion or to find anything that you care about. Which is why if you're struggling to find something that you care about, or to find something that you're passionate about, and you're worried about your future because you think that. It's your fault that you don't know what you're passionate about yet. Don't ever be mean to yourself about that, because the school system and the way that it's set up is not in favor of you finding something that you're passionate about by any means. It is such an energy suck and it's so much work to a point that you can barely even grow your social skills because you have no time to be social unless you want to fail your classes like it's always a give and take. It's like if you want to be social, you're probably going to fail some of your classes. If you want to do both, you're never gonna sleep. If you wanna get really good grades and get sleep. No social life it there's always something gotta give and that's just not a good system. Not to mention, so many people that I know are so smart, but they never did well in school and now they're so successful. Why? Because they, like, decided that school wasn't working for them and that they wanted to. Learn in other ways. And I'm not saying that school is not important. I think it's very important. And I think I learned a lot in those years about so many different things. How to. Be. Reliable because I always had to turn in homework in a way so like I always was. You know, learning how to be on time with **** like that was really important. Oh my God, I can see my neighbor through my window. Oh my God, that's so awkward. I need to close my window. Oh my God. Wow, was that weird. I literally just looked out of my window and I could see into my neighbors window and they were in the bathroom and I just felt like I should have been looking. And also, if he saw me sitting in my closet on the floor, that wouldn't really look so good either. So Windows are closed now. Anyway. The **** was he talking about? Clothes are one of the many ways that we express ourselves and we're constantly switching up our wardrobes. To reflect our interests and styles. But one thing that is a little bit more difficult to switch up is our glasses. Until now, because now with pair eyewear. You can have a different frame every day, OK? With pair eyewear, you start with a chic pair of glasses, right? That look great just by themselves, but they have a special secret. Which is that they have at little. Magnet inside so you can snap on. A cool frame on top of your existing glasses. I got the crystal clear Reese base frame which is just a really chic pair of all clear glasses. The frame is clear obviously the lenses are clear and I got a tortoise frame and a Plaid frame so I can now it. Basically I have 3 pairs of reading glasses now. There are so many options, iconic base shapes and then all sort of frames to go on top retro classic neon sparkle. You'll definitely find your vibe I also love. Buying from a brand that really, really cares and pair provides glasses to a child in need for every pair that you buy. Get glasses as ever, changing as you are with pear. Go to pair eyewear com Emma for 15% off your first purchase. That's 15% off at PAIR eyewear.com/emma. Oh, I did learn really important things in school. How to, you know, be timely for things. It taught me how to have a schedule waking up every day at the same time. Turning in assignments on time like it taught me about that and you know, it also taught me basic knowledge that I needed to know, and I think that all of that is so important, but I think that. When? You're in the later years of high school and even in college. That's when things start to get a little bit blurry for me. I think at a certain point school starts to get to a a point where it's like. It's not helping as much anymore. Like I would say, up until sophomore year, for me everything was very necessary. All the math that I learned in that I feel like all of that was useful. Geometry, though, was not like geometry. I've never used that again. It taught me critical thinking in a way. I don't even know what critical thinking means, but I feel like it probably taught me that. Like, it taught me about how to think outside of the box in certain ways, which I think that is. I think that that's good. There's so many ways you can look at it. I think that the more that you learn, the better it'll make your brain stronger. It'll make you a better learner. And it'll make you a more well-rounded person. I don't see a problem with learning, but I think that. There's too much like I almost think that they should spread out the high school curriculum. And not allow people to do honors classes and stuff and like force people to just take the normal. Math, science, etcetera. Everybody has to take the normal stuff. Which will be potentially less challenging. But that would give students more time to take classes about other stuff that they find interesting or take classes about how to pay taxes. Do you see what I'm saying? Instead of forcing kids to take these crazy math and science classes? I guess that's, you know, but that doesn't really work either. Because, like, some people really want to take crazy science classes because they want to do science. For their job, it's just, it's so messy and it's so not an easy answer, and I think that's the problem. But there's no doubt that it's flawed. You know what I mean? There's no doubt that it's flawed. I think that in some way the workload needs to be. Cut. By like 30% because I think that the workload really gets in the way of kids becoming who they are, having their own identity. People just end up conforming to whatever they're seeing around them because they don't have time to critical think about their own life. They're too busy critical thinking about a ******* essay. They don't have time to think about themselves. I had no brain when I was in high school. I literally thought about schoolwork. Boys and like, that's it. I thought about nothing. I didn't think about anything I was interested in. I had no passions. I did like competitive cheerleading, which was fun, but like, that was an extracurricular activity that wasn't even. That was like put in front of me like I it wasn't like I was doing anything for me and I still struggle with that to this day, but I think that. The workload is just too much, at least from my personal experience. Yeah. Somebody said. Please talk about quarantine. I really need to relate to somebody. If I'm being completely honest with you guys, and I know I didn't want to talk about this, I didn't want to get into it. But it's been the number one thing on my mind. For the last month or so, and it's the fact that I literally have no thoughts left. And I know I've been saying that for months, but I have no thoughts left. I have no opinions. I have no thoughts. I have no passion for anything. I have nothing left in my brain. My brain empty, brain broke and is empty and I feel bad talking about it and I feel bad saying it because everybody's agreeing, but like, I. Literally feel empty. It's not even necessarily sadness. I mean, I've been struggling with depression over the past few months and that's whatever. But like, besides that, even when I'm in a moment of like, where that's not even bad, I have no thoughts. I have nothing like I'm not excited about anything. I have no emotion. I just feel like blank. Nothing jars me. Nothing surprises me. Nothing excites me. Nothing scares me like I'm just. In a moment of like numbness, like I'm completely numb to everything. I feel nothing and it's so and and it makes it really hard for me because the whole point, the whole reason why I am where I am and I I worked, I whatever the reason why I'm a ******* YouTuber or the reason why I have this podcast. Is because they share opinions and they share feelings and I share the truth and how I feel about stuff and I share funny stories and I like connect with you guys in that way. I can't connect with ******* anything right now because I have no thoughts. No thoughts. It's completely bizarre. And so. That's like, really a bummer for me right now because I'm like, holy ****. Like, I genuinely don't think about anything, like. I just do the daily tasks that I need to do, and then I go to bed at 10:30 and I wake up and do it again. I'm in a limbo of this whole thing. It's I I mean, I know that we've all been saying for months that we've just been living the same day over and over again. But I'm like now it's at a point where it's like, I feel like I was pretty resilient to it at first because I had things exciting me like I had, you know, I don't know, there were things that were exciting to me, but now everything's just, like, evened out. Everything's calm. Nothing is jarring, nothing's exciting. I'm just like. Blank in my brain. And I know a lot of you guys are probably, like, probably feeling like that too. It sucks. I know it'll pass when things start happening again. It'll feel good, but I feel like all I do is work, sleep, eat, workout. That's it. And it's like, again, what I said in the last episode, the quote from The Shining. All work, no play makes Jack a dull boy. I feel very dull and empty because there's just nothing. I have no stories to tell. Nothing funny or crazy happens to me during the day. Do the same thing all day. It's an extremely bizarre sensation. And it sucks, but at the same time. We're going to get through it. This is all temporary. It's hard to feel like that. But this is temporary, and I know that because I've gone through phases throughout this quarantine of feeling like that. But also I've gone through phases in life where I felt really depressed, really, really bad, just awful. But then the next week I feel so much better, and I know that this is going to be the same thing for all of us. And. That's that. OK, the last thing I'm going to talk about, somebody asked me if I believe that marriage is necessary. Have I talked about this? I see. I feel like I've talked about everything. Like I feel like I've talked about everything I've ever felt. Every opinion I've ever had, like, I feel like I've touched on everything in this podcast at least once. And that's why I'm like, desperate. I'm like, can somebody like? Can someone, like, pee on my front lawn or something? Like someone just do something out of pocket, but also I don't want that. But also, like, I want a story. Like, I want to be able to tell people stories. I love calling people, being like, Oh my God, you'll never guess what happened or coming on here and be like, you'll never guess what happened. And that hasn't happened to me in a while because literally I lived the same day every day. And it that's it. But I do think that this is an interesting question and my opinion on it constantly changes. So I thought I would talk about it to end off this episode. I. I'm so conflicted because here's my thing about it on one hand. I feel like marriage is not necessary because. I think that there's a lot of complications with marriage. Like, financially it can be kind of weird, like some people, a lot of people are becoming more independent, like my generation, I feel like, is so independent and not as traditional, and so, like the idea of combining a bank account I think is a lot less obvious to my generation than it would be to say the older generation. Also, when it comes to like the legality of marriage, like, I feel like a lot of people don't really care about that. Not to mention open relationships and stuff like that is becoming a lot more popular. I don't know if it's always been popular, but I feel like maybe just because I'm getting older and hearing more about adult stuff like I'm hearing about things like that. But then again, when I talk to my grandparents like, it doesn't really sound like that was a thing. But there's just so many different ways to look at relationships now that I feel like with marriage. It's a less obvious choice, and there's a lot. Less obvious benefits like the idea of combining a bank account with a guy like that's scary. I don't trust anybody like. What if that ************ went and stole everything and divorced me and killed me or something and took out a life insurance on me and then killed me? Like, I don't know, like, that's why marriage scares me, because I'm like, I don't trust anybody. And also, I mean, I'm going to probably get married, which I'll explain why in the next part of this answer, but. That's why I feel like marriage is so much less. It's also expensive, like having a wedding is so expensive. And, you know, doing all the documents for getting married, it's just like. It it I think to a lot of people, especially in my age group, it just seems unnecessary when you could just have a lifelong partner that you know is your partner and where there's a. Lifelong, you know, agreement there. I think the reason why marriage can be beneficial is for the official bonding legally together. That solidifies that you're going to be together forever. It's like a promise. I think that for me, marriage is necessary. Can be seen as necessary because it's a. Promise? To be with that person forever, I feel like there's something. You're going to work harder. To keep the relationship alive if you're married, rather than if you're just partners. Because if you're married, there's like a lot more ******* weight there. Like you're sharing a bank account possibly, you know? You are legally. In the record as married, if you want to get divorced, if you want to break up, it's not just like, oh, we're broken up verbally. It's like, OK, this is actually something that needs to be dealt with, like. Through, you know, like it's a serious thing where it's just breaking up with somebody. You can just say bye and then you can get back together. There's something comforting about the idea of marrying somebody and knowing that, like. If we want to end this. Like it it it gives you hope that you would work hard before you just ended it because there's more riding on it when you're married. And I think that that's something that's really important for if you start a family because then you're going to fight harder, you know, to keep the marriage together for your kids. Obviously, divorces still happen 50% of the time, but you know what I mean? And. I don't know, like I just think that. There's a. Promise that's made with marriage that isn't made anywhere else. And I that just might be me or like what I've witnessed from other people. But I think that that's why it's so powerful. And I think that that's why I'm going to get married at some point, just because I want to have a family I want. To experience marriage because my parents got divorced. I'm to be completely honest with you. I'm curious about it. But I also it's something I want to experience in my life before I die. But. I also am like, OK, but if I ended up finding a lifelong partner, I had a kid with them. And had a family with them, like, what's the ******* difference, you know? So I don't know, like. That's the question of the day. Is it necessary? I don't know, but that's my input. Anyway, I love you guys. Thank you guys for listening to me. I really appreciate hanging out with you and I love you all so much. And. I will talk to you. Next week. Be safe. Stay sane. We can do this and I love you all. Why? Bye bye. We're here with Phil talking about what's new with heart Nissan. Phil, what are some good reasons somebody should buy now? That's a great question. We all know that car shopping could be an overwhelming process. Plus people are uncertain about a lot these days. Hard Nissan, recognize that? So we rolled up a heart rewards program. All new and pre-owned vehicle purchases get one year identity theft Protection 3, Virginia State inspections and multipoint inspections. One year tire Rd Hazard with roadside assistance, a three day vehicle exchange, and every purchase or service. Burns Heart rewards points. That's a ton of stuff. It's amazing. Offering all those benefits that can really save people a lot of headaches and of course, money. Exactly. And we have even more savings right now. Get 0% financing on all new and certified pre-owned Nissan in our inventory. Phil, thanks so much for coming in. Hartnissan.com right, you got it. Hartnissan.com or check us out in the Apple App Store or Google Play store, use your head and trust your heart maximal finance $20,000 for 60 months with tier one credit approval with MC dealer for full details.