Emma prefers to share her thoughts with a microphone rather than a physical human being, so thank god she has a podcast. Recorded from the comfort of her bed, Emma talks at length about whatever is on her mind every week. Anything really does go on this podcast. Sometimes philosophy, sometimes a random story from 10 years ago, sometimes advice, and sometimes nothing at all. You never know what you are going to get, but that’s what keeps it interesting. New episodes every Thursday.
Thu, 10 Jun 2021 10:00
Gossip and rumors have been floating around the internet about Emma’s mental health recently. While it’s lead to some positive reactions, it’s also lead to a lot of negativity and judgement. Emma is diving into the state of social media today, and how it plays into our mental health. Why do people find the need to stretch narratives and make up lies about others just for likes and retweets? And why are we so drawn to all the drama? Maybe it’s time to get off some of the apps… To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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And I hope that you're having a beautiful week. You know. I'm gonna be honest with you guys, I had a pretty rough week. And I know it seems that I say that a lot. But I'm being honest. This is the truth. I'm not going to come on here and say, oh, I had a great week when I simply didn't. And. When I think about it, I don't have good weeks very often. I find that. Most of my weeks are challenging. Most of my life is challenging. And it's hard to say that, and it's hard to admit that sometimes. Especially when. I have a good life. I have a really great life. I've really great people in my life. I have a great job. I. And healthy. My friends and family are healthy. I have a great life. And. That makes me feel like I'm not allowed to struggle. Yet I struggle constantly. Now. I want you to look inward. At yourself for a second. And ask yourself. How often you're struggling and and how often you find yourself to be uncomfortable or in pain. Now, I don't know you personally. But I would guess that you would say pretty frequently. I don't think there's one human being on this planet. That doesn't struggle. Weekly, if not daily, it's just part of being human. It's a part of the human condition. As uncomfortable as it is for me to share. My struggles on the Internet, I know that it's important. Because. In a sense, it's rare. I was thinking about this the other day. It seems that on social media, mental health in general. Is only really talked about. Once it's been relieved. For example, if somebody struggled with really bad anxiety or really bad depression, but they found a way out of it. Most of the time on the Internet. We're only hearing the success stories. We're only hearing of the person that. Found their way out of it and is doing better now and hasn't been anxious in two years. That's what we hear most frequently and that's what's really widely accepted. That's what's. Exciting to people because it gives them hope, right? Oh, that person you know, cured their depression, cured their anxiety? I can do it too. But why is it? That when somebody is in the midst of a bad day and they decide to share it. They're weak, almost. Or. They're oversharing or. They need serious help and they need to get it now. Why is that? Why does the why does the conversation change? When somebody is in the midst of a mental health struggle, I've noticed that. It seems that the conversation about mental health on the Internet is conditional. It's not unconditional. People only want to talk about mental health on the Internet when it's not current, when it's solved, as I said earlier. But the second that somebody is going through something in real time. It becomes drama. It becomes. Negative. People start looking down on. The person that's struggling, they start. Pitying them, in a sense. And looking at said person who's struggling as somebody who's almost broken or. Lesser than. And it's really bizarre to me. And I didn't realize. That this was something that was going on. Until it happened to me this past week. And a few. Tick, Tocks went viral. Basically creating a narrative about me being depressed in this current moment, right? Saying that I was a walking cry for help and that I clearly have a terrible life and am really depressed, and that I clearly need help, and that there's clearly all these things wrong with me and that I'm sick and that I am blah blah blah blah blah, OK. And I read through the comments and there were a lot of comments that were genuinely concerned about me and were loving and constructive and super sweet. And to the people who left those comments, thank you so much. I appreciate you more than you know. But I also noticed some comments that were almost judging me. Almost angry at me. For supposedly being depressed and in this terrible place. There were people saying that, you know. I'm faking. My mental health struggles for relatability so that people can relate to me on the Internet, who watch my videos, whatever, or listen to my podcast or whatever. There were people that were saying that. I have no right necessarily to be depressed or to be to have mental health struggles in general because my life is so fortunate. Now before I talk any further about. That whole thing. I think it's important to mention that. I'm doing better than I've ever been doing in my life. Ever. I've never been happier. In my life. Than I am right now. Does that mean that I'm? Exempt from struggle? Absolutely not. But in comparison to. The literal past 19 years of my life before now, like I've never been this good. I'm doing much better. The best that I've ever been doing. Now this whole thing was so confusing for me because. On one hand. The tick tocks about my mental health and you know. Assuming my mental health were false, for one. To a certain extent. But also. Reading all these people saying that I don't necessarily have a right. To feel depressed or to struggle and that I am using. My struggles to be relatable, and I'm even amplifying my struggles to be relatable. That was. Something that. Kind of. Rumbled my foundation a little bit because. I share. You know, my thoughts and my feelings and my bad days and stuff like that. Because it's honest and that's it. It's honest. None of it is some sort of. Tactic. To gain sympathy or to? Be more relatable to the average person. It's just simply honest and what people take from it is up to them. If somebody relates to it, amazing if somebody. Just simply is entertained by it. Great, I don't care. But having people assume that I'm lying or. Tell me that I have no right to feel. Depressed? Just completely rocked my world now. At the moment that I started watching these tech talks about me and like, this started kind of blowing up and becoming a topic of conversation. At the time that I. Saw. These tick tocks I was in a great place. I was actually on vacation with my friends. And. I was having a great time and. I was a little bit mentally fatigued because I just moved and I had worked really hard before I left for my trip to get a lot of stuff done so that I could truly relax on my vacation. So I was definitely mentally fatigued, right? Because I had just, like, you know, done a lot. And then I went on vacation and I was relaxing, but I was like recovering from overworking myself in a sense. And so I was a little bit fragile and when I saw these tick tocks. I immediately. Something inside me like. Cracked. And. I started to feel myself slipping into a depressive episode, which was incredibly ironic, right? Because it's like I was doing great. All these people on the Internet are saying that I'm depressed and have all these things wrong with me. And then it became true because. I guess. I've never been criticized, maybe for my mental health before. And. The reason why it upset me is kind of all over the place. Like, there's 15 different reasons why this situation upset me. I already named a few number one people invalidating my mental health. Number two people in a sense. Kind of. Violating my privacy by assuming. What my mental health? State is. Which, again, that's something I can't control, and that's completely everybody's prerogative. If they want to talk about my mental health, if they want to talk about people can talk about whatever they want. It's my problem whether or not I decide to participate in it and don't get me wrong, I'm fully aware of that. I know that. I could have turned my phone off. And just shrug my shoulders and said this doesn't matter and moved on. I know that. But for some reason I couldn't. Having people assume things about my mental health felt like a huge violation of my privacy. And that upset me. But also seeing how. Quick people are to. Pity you in like a negative way when they think that you're struggling. Or call you broken or unfixable, or in a sense pathetic because you just can't get your life together. That is crazy to me. And it's crazy to me because of how. Accepting I thought we all were at this point on the Internet. Right. Everybody so praised for talking about their mental health, but I had that realization that people are only accepting of your mental health struggles if you're talking about them in past tense, if you're talking about them in present tense. People get freaked out. They don't want to be a part of it. They they're they start judging. They start thinking that you're weak. And that was something I had never realized, and that was a really weird thing for me to realize. And it started to freak me out because even though I'm in a really good place right now, I am fine. I'm doing great. I may be bored sometimes in my YouTube videos. I may come on my podcast and vent about a bad day, or vent about something that I maybe had a realization about that was deep or maybe a little bit emotional or whatever. But. Generally I'm doing really good. But what happens when I'm not doing good? Next time and what happens when? I do have a two-month Long Depressive episode. You know. What happens then? Will I be able to handle? People you know. Invalidating my mental health struggle? Like, am I going to be able to handle that? Yet my goal since day one has been to share everything and to be honest about everything and be vulnerable about everything. That's what I've built my. Whole Internet life on and I'm proud of that because it's not easy. It's kind of uncomfortable sometimes, but it's so necessary and it's so important. And it's been my, you know, core value and goal since day one. But am I going to be able to keep it up if it seems that? The response to it is not. As positive as it may be, should be. 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But if you're in the mood to add some flavor, you can twist it a little bit. And then you have a super flavorful sip. Right now, Circle is giving all of my listeners up to 35% off their order, plus free shipping on all orders of $15 or more. Plus, as an added bonus, we're throwing in my favorite flavor, strawberry Kiwi, for free. Just visit drink circom Emma. That's drink Cir UL com Emma to get this limited time offer. Today again, that's drinkcircle.com/emma. The thing about. Mental health struggles is that? They are not linear, and they are not. Ever. Fully over. Usually. Mental health struggles are an ongoing journey. I would be lying if I said. That I didn't have little bursts of depressive episodes here and there throughout my life. I would be completely lying. Because even though I would say that my depression has improved since I was in high school, it is not something that has gone away. I still do deal with it occasionally. I have moments where it's gone. I have moments where it comes back for a few days. That's just a part of my journey, you know what I'm saying? But. Even though I'm dealing with these little bursts of, you know, depression here and there throughout my life. I'm doing better than I ever have been before. And nobody needs to worry about me. Nobody needs to. You know, call my doctor for me. Like, I have it all handled, I have an amazing support system, and like, I'm all good. You know what I'm saying? My goal of sharing the ups and downs is not. A cry for help. It's honesty. That's it. If I needed help, trust me, I would not be. You wouldn't be hearing from me. I would be seeking that help. Umm. I share them more tolerable, more normal. Kind of day-to-day struggles. Umm. And I feel comfortable doing that. And I hope that some people relate to it, and some people. Connect to it and some people benefit from it. That's the whole goal of everything for me. I don't really know what's to be learned from all of this necessarily. I don't. But I think that this specific scenario. Kind of. Relates to day-to-day life in a sense of. People. Don't know how to react when somebody is struggling. Right, a tick tock about me goes viral saying that I'm struggling even though I wasn't really that bad. No more than normal, let's say that. And. Some people in the comments know how to respond and are loving and, you know, like saying like, you know, Oh well, hopefully she figures it out. Whatever and being kind and stuff like that. But then the other half is like, she doesn't deserve to feel this way. Oh, it's not that big of a deal. Like, whatever, blah, blah. Oh, she needs like, you know, she's broken. She needs to get help. Like she's pathetic. Like she can't figure it out. She's never been able to figure it out after X amount of years. Blah blah blah blah blah. I have actually noticed that that kind of. Reaction to somebody who's struggling with their mental health is like it. It actually happens in real life too. Like when I am struggling and I vent to people, I don't know what kind of response I'm going to get. Sometimes people just don't get it and sometimes people are frustrated and they just can't be bothered with your problems. And so they'll kind of. Try to invalidate your feelings or you know. Make you feel like you're overreacting and stuff like that, and then you have other people who get it and who are accepting and who are willing to go on the journey with you and help you find a solution. There's two types of people that you'll deal with when you try to have a mental health conversation and. And I think it's just important to remember that if you're struggling with your mental health and you find that some people are invalidating you or. Not listening to you fully or. Are making you feel like you're a failure or you're weak because of. Your struggles you are not. That is false. You're just talking to the wrong person. You're talking to somebody who. Has never felt what you're feeling before. And you just simply doesn't understand the complexity of mental health. Because I think a lot of people don't realize that mental health struggles happen to everybody and they can happen at anytime. And they're normal. And. They're not a burden. I also think the other thing is too, you know? This is also kind of. A broader lesson that you shouldn't assume people's mental health. Ever. I mean, people can. I'm a I'm, I put myself on the Internet, right? So my situation is a little bit different. I put myself on the Internet. People can assume whatever they want about me. People can say whatever they want about me. There's nothing I can do. You know, I can wish that they wouldn't say things. All I want, and that's my prerogative. But just the same, it's it's anybody's prerogative to share any opinion that they want about me. I can't do anything about it and. It's not my place to tell them to stop. It simply isn't. So I'm not here saying. To the people who were making assumptions about my mental health. In a negative way, you know, like stop. No, I'm not saying to stop. But I do think it's a lesson. If you see somebody in your life and you think that they're struggling but they haven't said it, maybe they've just been laying in bed a little bit more than usual. Maybe they've been a little bit more bored than usual. Maybe some of their habits have shifted and you think that there's something wrong with their mental health. Don't sit down with them and say, hey, I think you're depressed and you need to fix it. Ask them. Hey, how have you been doing? Let them tell you. Because there's nothing more confusing. Then having somebody tell you. Where you're at mentally, there's nothing more confusing than somebody coming to you and saying. You have this. And you need help. That is not helpful. I'm so sorry that is not helpful because. The person who's struggling. Is now going to have to try to figure out where they truly stand between their own inner voice and the voice of others. Dealing with mental health struggles is hard enough, but having other people's opinions about whether or not you're struggling and how bad your struggle is makes it even more confusing. And it can, actually. Make you go deeper down. A darker place. It can make you go deeper and darker. If that makes sense. It can. Make the problem worse because it's confusing. Let people come to you. About their mental health struggles and if they're not coming to you and you can tell that there's something wrong. Have conversations with them that make them feel safe so that they can come out and share when they are ready and they are ready to talk about it. Because putting words into somebody's mouth. About their own personal life is extremely confusing. Anyway. That's my little rant for the day. I guess to wrap it up and summarize. I. Had one of my worst depressive episodes. That I've had. Since high school, probably one of the worst I've had. I've had some bad ones in there. But but up there it was up there with one of the worst ones I've had since high school. Because people were. Assuming it about me. And the irony of it is so insane. Like it almost feels like the matrix because it's like. I was doing fine. People assumed that I wasn't, and then I wasn't like. It's insane. It it doesn't make sense. And what I'm going to do, you know? To be proactive so that this doesn't happen again is that I'm deleting the tick Tock app off my phone. Umm. As soon as I possibly can. I am no longer going to scroll on Tik T.O.K. I might occasionally post on Tik T.O.K because that doesn't bother me, but. I'm literally going to delete the app on my phone and redownload it every time I want to post something. If I have an idea or whatever. But. I'm no longer going to be scrolling on Tik T.O.K. I don't want to see what the **** is on there anymore. I think that Tik T.O.K is the most toxic platform. It's also the most addictive. I waste so much time on there, which is not good for my mental health either because spending 2 hours in bed on Tik T.O.K does not make me feel very good about myself. And I think that it's. One of the most. Disruptive platforms that we have right now. Because. The app is rooted in a foundation of drama. That's really what keeps tick Tock going. Don't get me wrong, there's funny videos, there's helpful videos, there's entertaining in harmless videos. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of great content on Tik T.O.K. I I will be the first to say it. I've gotten great ideas on Tik T.O.K. I've gotten fashion inspiration, cooking inspiration. All of the above. I've laughed because I've seen funny tick tocks like. I enjoy the great parts of Tik T.O.K. But it also. Feeds drama like it. Is built for drama. Now the reason why I say this is because. Things go viral so easily on tick tock, whereas anywhere else, not really like on Instagram, things don't really go viral. Umm. On YouTube, things go viral, but in a slower and more controlled way. On Tik T.O.K and Twitter, I found things go viral so quickly. And so easily. And it's dangerous. And if you remember, like I deleted my Twitter a few months ago because. Of that reason, I was like, things go viral so quickly. And. People. Will create rumors. And drama. And they'll dramaticized things and they'll take things out of context and they'll blow things out of proportion in order to get retweets, in order to get likes on Tik T.O.K so that they can go viral. That doesn't really happen on Instagram and YouTube. It just doesn't. It does, but like in a different, in a less harmful way, it's not as fast. And it's not as much of a goal, you know what I mean? Whereas on Tik T.O.K and on Twitter, the goal is to create the most dramatic. Interesting tweet or tick tock that you can. That will get as many retweets or likes as you can get so that you can have. A viral tweet. And nothing goes viral like drama, let me tell you. And so. I don't want to be a part of that. I don't want to be a part of platforms that run like that. I just don't. And. I feel like Tik T.O.K is just exactly like that. Like. You know, I'll give an example of people taking things out of context. One of the tick tocks I saw about me was saying that I'm constantly bored all the time. In that, that's a sign of depression, which is fair. And the, you know, and that I didn't have, I don't have a lot of motivation to get out of bed and stuff like that. And that all of my titles have the word bored in it. And you know on YouTube all my YouTube video titles have the word board in it, which is seen insinuates that I like live this empty, boring life. When in reality, the reason why I've been bored for the past, you know, year and a half, is because we've been in a pandemic. I've had nothing to do. And neither of you. And the effects of the pandemic have been. Very confusing, you know what I mean? Like? I'm now figuring out how to fill my day again, in a way because I spent so long. And we all did. With virtually no fun activities to do outside of entertaining ourselves in our homes, you know? So yes, I've been bored for a year straight, but it's not because I'm. Like, you know. Cripplingly, cripplingly depressed? It's because. That was the circumstance and in addition. In moments where my mental health wasn't maybe not as good, it wasn't. Anything to be concerned about, you know. Nothing too serious, not as dramatic as you know the Internet is making it seem. Father's Day is coming up. And you know what that means. It's time to find the perfect gift for the special men in our lives. I am not going to be seeing my dad this Father's Day because I live in Los Angeles. He lives in San Francisco and I will not be home during Father's Day. But. I sent my dad a gift in the mail. I got him some blue Ralph Lauren T-shirts from macys.com because he wears pretty much the same thing every day. He wears a Navy blue hoodie blue T-shirt. Blue jeans and flip flops. That's his everyday outfit. Pretty much every Father's Day I will replace the T-shirts that he had been wearing for the year prior. So I found the perfect blue Ralph Lauren. T-shirt on macys.com and I sent them to him and I know he's going to love them because I get them for him like every year. I got him, I believe, 3. And I think he's going to love them and they're really nice and they're soft and. They're perfect. I'm also probably going to talk to my dad for approximately 2 hours on the phone. Although we do do that pretty much every day anyway, but that's how I'm planning to celebrate. Macy's has so many different great options for Father's Day gifts, not just clothes, but they have. Cooking utensils. Food. Art jewelry. Little Knick knacks. Anything you can imagine. They have so many different options and I even got ideas just from being on the website. I also picked out some of my favorite things on macys.com that are perfect for Father's Day or if you just want to pick yourself up, a little gift for yourself. On macys.com/emma, that's macys.com/emma. You can check out some of my favorite. Things on the Macy's site for Father's Day, or just for you if you want to pick yourself up something nice. Again, that's Macy's com slash Emma, check it out. Now some people might be saying, Emma, people are just looking out for you. Like why are you upset? Like why did this bother you? You know. Besides the negative comments like. Why does it upset you that in the 1st place these videos were made? What upsets me is that I can tell. When somebody's coming from a genuine place and when somebody is not. It's clear as day to me. Some people who were. Concerned about me and my mental health and stuff like that were kind and genuinely concerned and were. Understanding and weren't trying to gain attention or do anything of that sort from the fact that I may or may not be struggling. Whereas there were other people. Who were? Almost looking at. The potential that I'm struggling mentally. As. A way to. Go viral and that's simply being it. That sucks. Because now. Not only is my privacy being violated. But it's not in a caring way. It's in a way with an ulterior motive. You know, the ulterior motive being. Let's just. Create a false narrative that's based in a little bit of truth. But let's blow it up. Let's blow it out of proportion. And. Make it seem like you know. Emma is. Moments away from. You know, going to the hospital, like, you know, like, let's blow it all the way up and let's make it so extreme so that I can go viral on Tik T.O.K. And stir it up a little bit. Why not? That's not good. Like, that's just ****** **. Now listen, I'm not saying that people that are doing this. Are bad people. I'm not saying that they should stop. They can do whatever they would like and it's none of my business. But it's just sad. It's just sad that it happens. Like it's just sad. To me. That that's the point that we've gotten to on the Internet, where we're going to lightly make a we're going to make huge assumptions about people's mental health and mental state. And blow it out of proportion. Just for clicks. This really is. Telling. Of our generation and the world that we live in now. People are so ******* obsessed. With fame. And hatred. And judgment. And I'm not. Exempt from this I. Like when drama goes down on the Internet, I would be lying if I didn't know every detail. It's interesting. It is interesting. I get it. But we forget. That the people that we talk about are human beings. We make assumptions, we. Put together false narratives to create more drama just so that we have something to talk about, just because we're so ******* bored and we don't know what to do with our lives, so all we do is. Fixate on Internet drama about people that don't even matter. Not that they don't matter. But they don't matter in our own personal lives. We don't know them. They matter as human beings, but in our day-to-day lives. They don't matter. They're the last thing. They they're not even on our list of priorities. What they're doing, what they're not doing, doesn't matter. In our own personal lives, right? Yet we as a society love drama. And are nosey. And. We can't take our ******* eyes off of it. In platforms like Twitter and Tik T.O.K. Make it even easier. To. Create a rumor or. To make. Some sort of drama. Public knowledge in an hour or less. And so many of us are so entertained by this and so addicted to this. That. We don't even realize. That there are real people behind this, real people that. This is their lives and. We don't know the full story. We never will. Whether it's about me, whether it's about anybody else on this planet, I'm not even talking about me right now. I'm talking about other people. This is completely unrelated to me right now. We will never know the full story. And what does this information really do for us, you know? It's like a guilty pleasure, this drama. But the problem is, is that it's made the Internet. A terrifying place. Because somebody can. Fabricate. A story. About you. Post it. And it can ruin your life. People can say whatever they want and whether it's true or not. The public will take it as fact immediately upon seeing the information. I'm guilty of this. I see one rumor on the Internet. I immediately believe it to be true. Why do I do that? Why do we as human beings do that? I don't know, but it's terrifying and it's toxic because. You know, my example is very harmless. People were just assuming that I was like really sick mentally, which is like. Harmful in a sense where, you know, it was confusing for me to figure out what's true and what's not, you know, and it was harmful because. A lot of people became concerned for me when there was really no reason to be right, which is upsetting and. Some people were passing judgment on me and whether or not I'm allowed to feel pain or sadness. Well, but whatever. And that's harmful or whatever, but there's, you know. That's nothing in comparison to what goes on on a day-to-day basis on the Internet. I don't think people really care about the truth on the Internet. I don't think they do. I don't think people really care about whether or not the information that they're consuming online is true or not. I don't think that they care. I think that it's simply entertainment. I don't think that people realize that it's real and subconsciously it just feels like almost a reality TV show. I don't think that we remember that. The human beings that we discuss are human. They're they're human. I think people assume that people who are public figures. Don't see anything. Don't see criticism. Don't see rumors. Don't see assumptions, don't see criticism. Don't see it? That's not the case. But it is a complicated matter. Because on the other hand. People who decide to put themselves on the Internet and be a public figure. That's part of it. You know it's part of it. It's not fair. That people can just start rumors and do whatever they want and. You know, talk about you however they want. It's not fair. But there's also nothing that you can do to stop it, and it's also not fair to ask to stop it. It's one of those situations that there's no solution to. I think my conclusion is. I'm not going to put myself in a box. I think that I felt like I, you know, at one point I felt like I needed to be on Twitter and I needed to be on Tik T.O.K. Because it's a part of our society, right? It's ingrained in our society like to be on these social media platforms. And when you're not on it, you feel left out. You know what I mean? Like? You go and hang out with your friends and like, did you see the tick tock about this? Did you see the tweet about this? And if you don't have the platforms, you're immediately left out. You know what I mean? It's almost like there's FOMO when it comes to social media. You feel like if you're not present on every platform, you're missing something. You're missing out on something. You're missing out on an opportunity. And I always felt that way. I hit my limit with Twitter because it was just literally destroying my mental health. To a point where I did have a little depressive episode and I was really depressed for a few days. And I realized it all came from Twitter and I was like, OK, there's no reason for this anymore. I don't need to be on this platform. You know what I mean? It's just too much for me. And there's. It's it's too negative and I can't be on here anymore. So I deleted it and immediately I felt better and I didn't miss it. For a second I thought I would and I didn't. And I think that I'm reaching the same realization with Tik T.O.K. I refused. I knew deep down that it was a problem, and I knew deep down that the nature of the app was toxic for my my personal brain. Because number one, it's so extremely addictive, but #2, it feeds off drama. It is based in drama. And. Negativity in general. And rumors and lies. Like? The amount of fake and false information on Tik T.O.K. The amount of conflicting narratives, conspiracy theories. Umm. You know. Harsh opinions like all of that. Being on your for you page on a day-to-day basis. Makes it hard. To form your own opinions into have your own individual thought when you're constantly being flooded. With all this information and half of it being fake or dramaticized or. Twisted in ways to fit the narrative that whoever is telling the story wants it to fit. You know, but because it's on the Internet, it's all taken as fact. That gets confusing. Subconsciously even. And so. I knew it was toxic for that reason, but because it never directly affected me, I never really found a reason to delete the app off my phone. Umm. But I hit my rock bottom with it, you know? And now I know that it needs to go. It's not serving me in my life. I make you know, obviously on the Internet, you know, like. I I make content in and create things that I'm so proud of. On you know, here are my podcast on my YouTube channel and on my Instagram and I'm absolutely happy just using those platforms. I've found a much healthier balance with Instagram. I've put too much weight on Instagram in the past, but I've kind of removed that weight. I don't really even look on Instagram anymore. I mainly just post on there whenever I feel like it and I don't really put my put any pressure on it. I just have fun with it now and I found that I've found a balance with that and I've been able to do that. I've obviously not been able to do that with Tik T.O.K and obviously not. Able to do that with Twitter and that's why I'm now removing those things from my life. Eventually I'm going to delete my entire tick Tock account. I'm not going to do that yet just because. I don't want to go cold Turkey like I. Who knows, maybe at some point I'll be able to figure out a way where I can like post on there and have fun with it without scrolling. But I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to find that balance, and I don't think I will. So we can expect that my tick Tock account will be permanently deleted, probably within the next six months, depending on. Whether or not I can somehow find a way to never look at my for you page again. We'll see. I don't think it's going to work. I think I'm gonna end up deleting the whole thing. The app will definitely be removed from my. Phone. Except for for emergencies when I want to post something. What does it really take to make it in New York City when you're young? The come up is a new freeform docu reality series on Hulu. 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We're talking about Macy's again. My favorite one stop shop is such a beloved friend to anything goes. Macy's is the best because it really has something for everyone in every occasion. Whether it's clothes, HomeGoods, cooking Ware, whatever it may be, Macy's has something for you in the spirit of everybody having their own individual Macy's shopping experience. They're making us feel like true VIP's for the next couple of weeks because Macy's VIP sale has arrived just in time to get everything you need to cozy up this fall. From September 23rd to October 3rd, get 30% off regular sale and clearance items plus. 15% off beauty and again, outside of beauty, that's 30% off. Pretty much everything from clothing, shoes and handbags to home decor and appliances. It's happening at Macy's. You want to know what I'm going to get? I'm going to get scarves because I really wanna have a scarf. I live in California. It's only cold for like 3 months here and it's not even that cold. Like it never snows, but I need to be leaning into the winter attire this year because last year I wasn't going hard enough. So I will be picking up a few things from Macy's. If you need to get some stuff for fall, check out Macy's. Com. That's Macy's com. You'll find what you need. I can guarantee you that. I think a lot of times in life we we force ourselves to endure things. In order to not feel left out or in order to feel. Accepted in society, you know, like. We feel it necessary to have an Instagram account to have. A tick tock account to. Go to a certain college to get a certain job, to wake up at a certain time, to eat a certain way. To. Live our lives, you know, a certain way. Because. We're programmed. You know, in a way to be kind of like a herd. You know. Like? We imitate one another, we want to fit in with one another. So we tend to make decisions based on what will make us feel the most accepted by society, right? So we'll make decisions or put up with things that are bad for us so that we can feel included. And I know that I did that. With keeping Tik T.O.K and keeping Twitter for a period of time because I wanted to fit in, I didn't want to miss out on stuff. But. You have to. Step back for a second. Maybe pull out a journal and? Write down all of the things in your life. Your friends, your family, your hobbies, your lack of hobbies. Write it all down. And then assess what things and be honest with yourself. Assess what things are making your life better and what are making your life worse. And if you have something on your list that's making your life worse? Cross it out and remove it from your life permanently. There's no reason to. Make yourself miserable. Just because everybody else is doing it, you know what I mean? Just because everybody else has a tick tock account. I should have a tick tock account. No, it's bad for me or just because everybody's going, you know, to go to college for four years. At a university you know. Doesn't mean that I want to do that. Like maybe I want to take a gap year, like. It's important to step back every once in a while and to ask yourself, what do I want from me? What do I want to do for me, not for anybody else? Not because I want to fit in with everybody else. **** all of that. What do I want to do for me? I think that that's all I have to say for today. In conclusion. I am doing great. Better than I've ever been doing. My daily. Battles with mental health issues are nothing to be concerned about and are normal. If you. Feel frustrated with yourself? Because. You want your mental health problems to just go away and not exist anymore. And you feel almost bad. Because. They never seem to go away. Let me be the person to tell you that that's normal. There are gonna be ups and downs throughout our lives. Some are going to be a lot ******* worse than others. It's not linear. And you can't expect it to be linear, because that's not how the universe works. That's just not how. Life works. It just doesn't work like that. Unfortunately, life is an ongoing journey of. Moments of bliss in between struggle. That's really what life is. Nobody feels blissful all the time. And guess what if you felt blissful all the time? You wouldn't be living life to the fullest because. Every time I have a rough week. Every time I have a rough day. I always come out of it on the other side and I learn something every single time because. Discomfort forces you to grow. Growing is uncomfortable. And. That's good. I'm going to do my best. To be honest and to continue to show. The normal and natural. And healthy ups and downs. Of being a ******* human being. Because I don't think a lot of people want to do that. Which I understand because it's uncomfortable. And it's vulnerable and it's scary and it opens up room for criticism about something that's very vulnerable. It's I understand why a lot of people don't like to do that. But I'm going to do my best to do it. To prove to at least one person. That. Even though I can say that. You know, my depression and my mental health has improved since its lowest point. That doesn't mean it's gone. It will never be gone. And I'm OK with that because that's part of being a human being and that's part of the cards that I was dealt. And. Post pandemic, even though we're still kind, I don't really know where we're at with it right now, but you know. After such a crazy, crazy year and a half. We're all feeling a little bit weird, I think. Don't beat yourself up for that. We all need to be a little bit more graceful and understanding with one another and ourselves. I think that's another lesson of this podcast. Listen, I could go on all day, but I'm not going to because. We all know I love to talk in circles, so I'm going to stop all my head, but thank you guys for listening to this episode of Anything goes. I really. Hope that you gain something from this, or found it interesting. Whatever you may have gotten from this, I'm happy that you did. If you ******* hated it and you hate me, rock on. Go check out Joe Rogan. You might like that a lot more. I think that's all I got. I love you guys and I appreciate you listening to me every week. And I appreciate our connection that we have to one another and. If you've recently been concerned about me and my mental health or whatever, I can assure you that I'm doing fine. I have an amazing support system and never to worry about me. Never worry about me. That trust me. Umm. I appreciate it more than anything and it is so ******* nice and kind and I appreciate all of the loving support and concern, but at the same time like. I I'm, I. There is no need for it. Like, you know, I'm I'm just sharing the mundane sides of day-to-day life and. And I am good. All right. I hope you guys have an amazing rest of your week. If you want to follow the Twitter, it's at AG podcast. If you want to leave us a review on Apple Podcast, I'd really, really appreciate it. If you want to follow anything goes. You can follow us on any us. Why do I say that every time you can follow me? On any platform that you listen to podcasts, it's just under anything goes. And I really appreciate all of you guys. I love all of you guys and. Life is good. Struggles in all life is good.