Anything Goes with Emma Chamberlain

Emma prefers to share her thoughts with a microphone rather than a physical human being, so thank god she has a podcast. Recorded from the comfort of her bed, Emma talks at length about whatever is on her mind every week. Anything really does go on this podcast. Sometimes philosophy, sometimes a random story from 10 years ago, sometimes advice, and sometimes nothing at all. You never know what you are going to get, but that’s what keeps it interesting. New episodes every Thursday.

having children

having children

Thu, 03 Feb 2022 11:00

there’s been a lot of talk lately about how get z and millennials are having kids less and less and i find it super interesting. some people know they want kids, some know they don’t, but i think a lot are just unsure. i’ve gone back and forth on whether or not i want kids myself. there are a lot of pros and cons of having them, so i’m talking it all through with you guys. also please don’t mind my minor meltdown throughout the episode about the yard work going on outside :) To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: Learn more about your ad choices. Visit

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Carvana is in the business of driving you happy, and with the widest selection of used cars under $20,000, you're bound to find a car that'll put a smile on your face. They even offer customizable financing so you can plan your down and monthly payments to shop thousands of affordable vehicles 100% online. Download the app or visit Availability may vary by market. The amount of times that I rerecord the beginning of every episode. Is so embarrassing and so disturbing. Like, let me paint a picture for you. When it's time to record a podcast. I press record and I'm like hello. And then I'll think for a second and I'm like that one, wasn't it? And then I'll stop recording and then I'll start recording again and I'll be like. Hello. And then I'll be like, ooh, that, hello was not it either. Stop, start again. And I just do that like probably six or seven times. It's painful. Anyway, hi everybody. So excited to talk this week. So excited to hang out this week. And every week for that matter, but anyway. Oh my God. I just looked at my hand and realized that my nail was broken. **** and I'm leaving. To go on a vacation tomorrow and my nail is ******* broken. What is a girl to do? What a heartbreaking thing to see. Like now my whole day is changing. Like the whole trajectory of my day is changing now that I. Have a broken nail. Everything is changing now. Like, we're gonna have to keep this podcast recording short, because now I need to go ******* get my nails done. That is sad. Anyway. Sorry. I just took a sip of my cold brew. I think it would be fun if we started doing a drink of the day where I tell you what I'm drinking. While recording this podcast because I love making myself a fun special drink to have on my night stand while I record this podcast in bed. Today I have. Amacha. Let me paint this picture for you. It's an iced mocha. With water and a little bit. Of nut pod. Caramel flavored Creamer. That's the drink today. That's what's on my night stand. It's the Chamberlain coffee, matcha. Chamberlain Coffee is my company. Suddenly I'm promoting myself. Excuse me, I have to but the Chamberlain coffee matcha is so good. I know that it is my brand, but also, like, I I picked out this matchup, right? I picked it out. I love it. I'm like, obsessed with it. It's my favorite matcha ever, as it should be. And if it wasn't there, be an issue. Anyway, if you wanna go pick up that matcha, it's on Although I think it's sold out right now, but like, whatever, it'll come back at some point. Anyway, now we can get into the episode. What are we talking about today? Today we're talking about. Having children. Starting a family. And here's why I want to talk about this. I have seen articles time and time again over the past few years about how my generation. Is not planning on having kids. Or a lot of my not all of my generation, but a lot of my generation. Is planning to skip out on having children and. I don't think it's just my generation. I think that the generation that's older than me, which would be millennials. I think millennials are also not having children. And. Reading these articles about this really. Made me think myself about what I want to do and I just. Have been gnawing on this for the past few years and my. Thoughts about starting a family have evolved. A lot. Over the few years. And I just want to have like an open conversation about it because I think that it's a really interesting. Thing and I think that. A lot of people are really quick to say. I know for a fact that I want to have kids, but. Other people are also very quick to say there's no way in hell I'm having kids I feel like there's not a lot of time put into thinking about. Why an individual? That's in my generation does or does not want to have kids like. I feel like it's not something that my generation is thinking that deeply about and I think that's mainly because we're all young and we don't need to think about it yet. So why think about it? But also I can't help but think about it a little bit and. I will start this conversation off by sharing how my personal. Beliefs on starting a family have evolved so. Until I was probably like 1314 years old, I thought that everybody had kids in that. It was just kind of mandatory like you just everybody has kids one day, like, sorry, like it's just what it is, right? But then I started to learn that, like, that doesn't necessarily need to be the case. And you know, you don't have to have kids if you don't want to. And actually a lot of people don't have kids, and that's fine. And so then. When I found that out, I was like, you know what? I actually don't know if I want kids because I didn't grow up with siblings and I don't know how to even hold a baby. And babies are kind of weirdly intimidating to me and I have no interest in. Learning how to hold a baby so I don't really think it's in my cards and I don't really think I want to have kids also. The responsibility. Of having a child was daunting to me, I mean. Let's put this into context. I was like 151617. When I started to have the realization that I didn't want to have kids. And obviously the idea of having a child at that age is daunting, as it should be, because when you're 151617 years old, you. Can barely take care of yourself, so if you think that you could take care of a child at that age. There's a pretty slim chance that you're right. A very slim chance. But then as they got a little bit older. Like? Age 181920. I started to change my mind again and I was like, you know what? I actually think I do want to have kids. And it was interesting because I remember as my opinion shifted back into wanting to have children one day. And I brought that up to people around me. There were a lot of people that were like, why? Like, why? You like, why? No, like having kids is not it, like, that's not the vibe. That is not. That's not good. Like, we don't like that. And I was like, wow, this is interesting. It was shocking how many people didn't agree with me. Like, how many people? Did not find that appealing, so. Long story short. I want to talk about the pros and cons of having children in my opinion. And. Let's just see where we end up. After I list the pros and cons. We're going to start with the pros. Of having children, and then we'll go into the cons, so the first pro. Is that having children gives you a family forever now? I know that there are some. Loopholes to this right? Like if something happens to your child and they and something tragic happens to your child and therefore you don't make me finish that, but you get what I'm saying. Like, obviously there are loopholes here, but in theory. Having children gives you. A family forever because. If you don't have children once, all of the elders in your family pass away. You know, you're kind of left alone with no family. And that to me is very frightening and. If you have children, you know. In theory, they will outlive you. And they'll be there for the rest of your life. And that. Is something that. Is very convincing, right? Like that's that within itself. Is something that makes me want to have kids because the thought of. Christmas rolling around when I'm 70. And not having a family to celebrate with actually makes me so depressed that I do not. I don't know. I don't want to think about it. The thought of being 70 years old and. Not having a family member to call when I'm down. Also makes me depressed. Because there's no bond like family, I mean. Obviously you can make friends that feel like family and there can be people that are not traditional family to you. Not blood related family to you that feel like family. That's very much possible. But in my experience, there's nothing like the comfort of a family member because you know that they're kind of stuck with you. I mean, obviously, again, there are loopholes. There are exceptions to all of this, but generally your family is stuck with you for life. So it's like. Your occasional ****** attitude. Is not going to make them run for the hills, you know what I'm saying? Like they kind of have to be with you through thick and thin. And they also know you better than anyone else because they've lived in the same household with you. They. Understand you better than anybody else. And having people around that you have that connection with is so comforting because. A lot can go. Unexplained it's like you don't have to explain everything to your family because they've been with you through it all. And so. There's comfort in that. And the thought of being old and Gray and not having that in my life anymore really frightens me and makes me uncomfortable. And so that's. A really big selling point for me. The other thing is I'm an only child and so I don't have siblings, so it's not like when I'm older, you know? I can like call up my sibling and that could be my family that. I call when I'm old and Gray. And they're still around like I don't have that right. So that's obviously a personal thing for me. That only. Applies to me and other only children, but like. I don't know. That's just something I've been chewing on a lot. The next Pro is that having children gives you something to care about that isn't yourself, and it makes you selfless. This is something that I've heard from both of my parents. And it really fascinated me. And intrigued me the thought that. Having children has the potential. To fully humble you in a way that nothing else ever will. Obviously there are going to be some parents out there that had children and still. Behave like teenagers, like that exists. I've seen it with my own two eyes. There are a lot of. Adults that just never fully grow up and they never. Stop. Being self-centered, they continue to be self-centered and continue to be. Ego centric is that yeah. ****. I can't get through an episode without having to look up a word or a definition, and it's exhausting. Right now, I'm looking up egocentric. Is that the word that I want to be? Yeah. OK. That is the word I was looking for. UM. Basically, when you have children, you have two paths. On one hand, you can. Let it humble you. And. Let it. Make you more selfless than you've ever been before in your life. But on the other hand, you can reject. That opportunity to develop those mature qualities and you can remain egocentric and I think that. Adults who have children go both ways. I've seen both in my life. You know, I've seen both. But. If I were to have children, I would do everything in my power to. Approach that experience. With the potential. For maturity in mind, like I would want to gain wisdom from the experience, I would want to become more selfless from the experience, and I would throw myself into it 110% so that I could reap those benefits because becoming a more selfless person and becoming a more humbled person. Should be everybody's goal in theory, and there's ways to do that without having children, you know, I'm not saying that this is the only way, but because having children is such a powerful thing, there's so much room for. Maturity and growth and. Having children gives you a purpose. That is beyond yourself because for the first, say, 20 to 30 years of your life. Your main focus is you. And it should be. But at a certain point, your main focus doesn't really need to be you anymore. And if you don't have children, then what does that focus go to? Some might argue. That it could go towards their career. Some might argue that. It might go towards their hobbies. Some might argue that. It could go towards their relationship, but. I think it would be silly. To. Write off the potential for. A lack of purpose. As an adult without children. Am I saying that? Adults who don't have children have no purpose. Absolutely not. Am I saying that? Adults that don't have children are lost. No, I'm not saying that either. Am I saying that there are some adults that didn't have children that are now at a loss trying to figure out what their purpose is? I am saying that there are adults like that. And if you decide not to have children, there is a chance that. You might experience that a feeling of emptiness and no purpose. There's a chance that that could happen. You know what I'm saying? And that's frightening because it's like. You make the decision to have a child. Which is the biggest decision of your life? You make that decision. Without knowing how it's going to affect your life and yet it is something that you are committing to forever. Unless something tragic happens to the child, but even then. You are committing to something for life. And when you make that decision, you do not know. How it's going to affect you? 100% You can only get a brief idea. Or when you decide not to have children. That might seem like the right idea. When you're 25 and you're like, I'm going to the bar every night and I'm living laughing and loving and I'm dating left and right and I don't want to settle down right now. You might be in that spot. And you might run that until you're 35. And then you're like, wait, ****. I didn't want to have kids cause I was like. Bebopping around or whatever, and now I'm in a really bad position because I don't have a lifelong partner that I would want to have a child with because I never really found that person and I wasn't really looking for that person. And also. I'm running out of time now. What the **** do I do? There's so much room for error and it's so frightening and I think that no matter what path you choose, and even if you do end up having a regret, whether that's a regret about having a child or not. You can always find a way. To remedy that problem. You know what I mean? It's not like these things aren't fixable. Like, let's say you're 35 and you're like, I don't have a partner, but I really want a child now. I regret not doing it sooner, and I'm running out of time. You can adopt. Let's say. You do have a child, and you're like, Oh my God, I was not anticipating this. Responsibility. And it's like not all it's cracked up to be. And I don't like being a parent like I thought I would. You adapt, and you find ways to enjoy it, and you find ways to bond with your child that will make it even more enjoyable and more rewarding. Like, there's so many ways that you can remedy, you know, the regret that might come with either decision, but I will say. That. When you're making the decision about whether or not you are going to have children. You're making that decision for your future self, truly. And you really have to be thinking about your future self. You know what I'm saying? You have to look 10 years in the future, 30 years in the future. ******* 50 years in the future like? It's not a short term decision. It is like the longest term decision that you're ever gonna make and I think that our brains are wired to think about. The near future and to think about what we want to do right now and what you know and to a certain extent that's healthy and normal, but when it comes to something as. Important as whether or not you're going to have children, you really have to think about the future. In these ways you have to put yourself in. Your shoe, your own shoes. 30 years down the line, you have to. Close your eyes and imagine. What your life is going to be like. Years down the line in order to. Properly make this decision. 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On one hand, the world could be a better place. It could be better than we could ever imagine we could have. New technology that's. Helping you know the environment. Who knows, for ***** sake, like anything could happen, like. There could be a whole new structure of government, there could be. A renaissance where everybody's rediscovering reading and everybody's putting their phone down like, we don't know. The world could be a very beautiful place when. Our children are adults, but on the other hand, things could be terrible. The government could. Uh. Permanently. Put microchips into our brains that like feed us. Umm. Can't a constant stream of tick tocks? Within our inner mind. To keep us distracted, the. Environment could be getting worse by the minute. Polar bears could become completely extinct. Like, there's a lot of bad things that could also ******* happen, right? So we have both sides here. That's a scary reality, and part of the responsibility of having a child is taking care of that child and keeping that child safe and so. The question arises, am I putting my child in danger by having a child in a world that's very uncertain now? Somebody is *******. Leaf blowing and I like, I don't want to stop recording, so I'm not going to, but if you can hear it, I'm so sorry. There was a windstorm in Los Angeles last night and there are pieces of trees and plants everywhere and it's insane. It looks like there was a tornado. It. I don't understand. I've never seen that happen here before. It's very weird. So there's a lot of gardeners out and about right now cleaning this up, and that is why there's a ******* obnoxious leaf blower, although I am. You know, not hating on the leaf blowing guy. I he's probably a great guy. I'm just saying that it's just annoying to listen to anyway. The way that I look at the dilemma of do I want to have a kid in a world that's so uncertain is that? That fear. Has been a fear forever. I highly doubt that there's ever been a generation. That hasn't faced the same dilemma and yet. Here we are. Alive now and as complex in. ****** the world can be now I personally. I'm happy to be here, you know what I mean? Like, I'm happy that my parents were like, you know what? There's a chance that the world could be in shambles. When? Emma grows up, but we want to have Emma anyway. And we well, I guess they didn't have my name picked out when they were considering to have a child anyway. I'm glad that they decided. To have me. I'm glad that I'm here even though. **** isn't perfect, right? But I like to believe that things are constantly improving. You know what I mean? I like to believe that. When I have kids. Because I am planning on having kids, that the world is even better for them than it is for us now. I would love to see that and I'd love to. Believe that. Do I know for sure? No. But I am optimistic. And, you know, I know my parents were optimistic about it. And. I would say that the world is better now. Then when my parents were deciding whether or not to have me. I do think so. And I think that the world is better now than when my parents were children. I actually know that for certain. And I think that. There's a good chance that things are gonna continue to get better. Are many things still flawed? Absolutely. And? Is this like a privileged sort of decision to make? Absolutely. We have to put all of these things into perspective here, like. People's realities. Some people's realities on the planet right now are ******* awful. And that's terrible. And so. Long story short. It's definitely a con to having children. That we have to worry about what the world will be like when they're older, but at the same time that's out of. Anyone's control individually, like you, cannot control that. You also cannot predict it. And as much as I think we want to believe that we can predict what's going to happen next, we can't. There could be a ******* asteroid tomorrow, but there could also never be an asteroid. Ever. So it's like, I don't know, like you just don't know. And so I think that. The best that you can do is just hope that things will be. Even better for our kids than they. Our. For us. And. That's kind of where I land with that, but if you're somebody that does not believe that things are going in a good direction and never could and never will. You know, then this con might be a huge factor for you, and that's. Fair. I, you know my perspective is that. I want to be optimistic and hopeful, but. That's just me, you know, and and how you approach this specific con. Is your prerogative. UM. But it's definitely something to consider. The next con is the financial burden of having a child and. I think it would be irresponsible not to discuss. How one's financial status? Affects whether or not they're able to have a child, because I can imagine that there have been many instances when somebody wanted to have a child but just simply couldn't afford it, and that's awful and terrible and I wish that. Things like that didn't happen, but I do think that. If you are going to have a child, you know you need to think about whether or not that's a financial. Responsibility that you can take on, because having a child is the most expensive thing *******. Ever. It's a very expensive thing to do, right. And I guess there's a question of #1. Is this something that you can financially handle in general? But #2, is this a financial burden that you want? You know, would you rather spend money on traveling the world or investing into a business or you're like your own business or investing into a property or like, whatever it like, where do you want to put your money, right, like? If you're not somebody that wants to have a kid, you might think having a kid is the biggest waste of money ever, because you're kind of just dumping a bunch of money into a person. You're basically investing in a person, right? Hoping that they turn out good and that. They do good things for the world and that they don't cause more harm than good. Like you're investing into a literal human being and if you know you're not somebody who tends to like other people very much, and. You don't really like children very much, and you'd rather use that money for yourself. Then there's your answer if you don't think that investing in another human being is worth it. Then there you go. You know what I mean. Like I I can see both sides. Like. I don't think that wanting to save your money for other things rather than investing in a literal child. Is like, even selfish, necessarily. I think it's just. If that's what feels right to you, that's what feels right to you. The next con of having children is something that. I never thought about until recently, and I was. It was like. A really eye opening thought, and I think it's something that people don't think about hard enough. When having a child and that is. The potential risk of your child having. In ailment of some sort that makes them require. More care. Than a child without. That element. You know, are you personally someone? Who? Can take care of a human being that needs extra care, like do you have that? Capacity. Time wise, money wise. Patience wise, do you have the? Ability to take care of. Someone who might need a little bit more help, that's a huge thing. Like that is the biggest thing that you need to ask yourself when you're going to have a child. Because. When it comes to, you know, having a child that. Might have some sort of. Ailment. I think a lot of parents are like, well, that's not gonna happen to me. It absolutely might happen to you. And. Although not only could that be potentially emotionally. Jarring. It would be heartbreaking to have to. Manage that type of situation it it might be heartbreaking depending on what the scenario is. It could be emotionally really exhausting and jarring. It could also be financially really upsetting and jarring. It's like there's so much potential for. Upset with that? But also, there's a selfless element there where it's like, are you willing to give your time? You know what I mean. Forever? Possibly to. Take care of your child properly. If they need a specific type of care, are you able to give that? And it's fine if you're not. That's the other thing if you look at yourself and you're like, I am not someone who could give a child. Special care. Like, I'm not, I I can't. I don't have it in me like. Emotionally, even, like, emotionally, I don't have it in me. Like, I just can't do it. I don't think I'm gonna have the patience and like, whatever, it's so responsible to be aware of that. And that's something that you need to really think about. The next con of having children is the constant anxiety that you would probably have if you had a kid like. I know for me when I love something or someone, I'm so anxious about it constantly. Like my dad goes surfing everyday and when I tell you that I force him not only OK, so I force him to text me before and after he goes surfing and I also. Will call and harass him if he forgets like I, because I just want to know that he's safe or else I'm a ******* mess all day. And then if I go to call him while he's surfing and he doesn't answer, I start worrying and it's a ******* mess. Same thing with like. Friends that I love like if I text them and they don't respond for like 24 hours and that's kind of abnormal. I'm not like upset about that because I feel like they're ignoring me or something. I get upset about that cause I'm like, are you alive and OK like that? Like, whatever. So I can't even imagine how ******* uptight I would be if I had a child who's vulnerable for the 1st 20 years of its life. Like, I don't know how I would be OK. Like my mom is so nervous about me. She tracks me on my phone. She's not controlling about it, but like she tracks me on my phone and she's always checking in and making sure that I'm OK. And I don't mind it, because I understand now that I'm older. When I was younger, I thought it was annoying, but now that I'm older, I'm like, girl, you got it. You wanna track me to make sure I didn't get kidnapped? Girl, you got it? Because I get it. If I was in her shoes, I'd be doing the same thing. I would be very. Nervous and I wouldn't be controlling, or at least I would hope that I wouldn't be. I would just be nervous. And that's natural. But that added level of anxiety would be a lot to take on and. If you're, you know, naturally an anxious person. This could potentially be very debilitating for you. You know what I mean. If if you're a very anxious person having. Something that is that sacred to you could be very actually painful. And I just think that that's. Something that also needs to be considered the last con that I have. In my head anyway. Is just the loss of freedom. You know, the second you have a kid, your freedom is gone. Obviously, you're not going to be able to travel the same way. If you want to travel, you now have to pay for a child, or you have to pay for a babysitter of some sort, which. Also, might be upsetting for the child. I know I was somebody that. Could not handle a babysitter like. My parents had no freedom. If they wanted to go on a trip or do something without me, they simply could not because. I. Was far too clingy. I was very clingy to my parents. Luckily they were divorced, so they could just be like. I'm doing something. Without you, and you're going to go with your dad. Like my mom could do that, you know what I mean. And vice versa. Because they obviously didn't do stuff together. It's not like they're like, we're divorced, but we're gonna go to Hawaii together, like, OK, so you see what I'm saying? So yeah, so. I swear to God, if you can hear this ******* leaf blower, just unfollow the podcast. Unfollow you can fully unfollow the podcast. You can block me on social media. You can, because I'm the type of ***** that will not stop. A task that I'm doing even if all of the elements are getting in the way. Like even if there are so many elements getting in the way of me completing a task, I will not stop because I don't like taking a break and I don't like stopping things when I'm in the middle of something I refuse to stop. Moral of the story is, I'm not stopping recording. I'm on a roll. I feel really good. I don't want to stop. If you can hear the leaf blower, feel free to punish me in whatever way that you feel fit. I'm not stopping. Anywho, yeah, the moral of the story is when you have a kid, your freedom is gone. Sorry, it's gone. And like you will get your freedom back at some point when your children are grown up, but even then you never have the same freedom again. There is this lightness in not having a child and knowing that, like, you only have to fend for yourself and take care of yourself, and that you don't have to really think about anyone else unless you want to. But when you have a child, you are permanently committing to taking care of something. Forever, and so that is. A factor that's simply a factor. Oh my God, I actually have one more con that I forgot. And that's. The complexity. Of. Having a child with a partner. I can't believe I forgot that this is a con, because this is like a huge con. Umm. When you have a child. Majority of the time it's with somebody else, whether you. Got pregnant with another person? Or whether you decided to adopt with another person, or whether you decided to get a surrogate with another person, whatever it may be. Most commonly, people decide to raise a child in a pair of some sort. There are many ways to do it, but it's the most common. Scenario, obviously. There are scenarios when that does not happen. I am aware of that, but. Let's discuss. Coparenting. There are so many ways that this could go haywire. The likelihood of you choosing possibly the wrong coparent. Is actually high, you know what I mean? Like there's a 5050 chance that the person you decide to coparent with is gonna be a good Co parent. There's a 5050 shot that it's gonna be good and it's gonna work, because I can only imagine how a relationship shifts once you have a child together. I can imagine that in a lot of scenarios it gets better, and in a lot of. Situations that gets better, but I can also imagine that it could potentially get so much worse. There's so much room for disagreement. There's so much room. For. Irritability with one another because. You're dealing with life's hardest task together. The other thing is. There might be a certain point when you know you want to separate from this person. You don't want. To coparent under the same roof anymore. Now you're breaking up your family, and that's going to affect your child. And then there's guilt that comes with that. You know, there's like. So many. Layers of complexity to coparenting that. Like, I can't even scratch the surface right now, but I think that we can all use our imaginations and figure out how that could go horribly wrong, and in all the ways that it could go horribly wrong. So. That's something that also needs to be considered. You know the potential for. Chaos in that front. Sorry, I have to take a photo of Declan because he's literally sleeping under a blanket. Declan is my cat, by the way. If you didn't know, he's like. He's literally all tweet a photo of it. He's literally sleeping under a blanket like he crawled up under the blanket. It's the cutest thing I've actually ever seen in my life. OK, so if I were to host a live radio show and I could play any music I wanted, I would honestly probably have the time of my Life OK, but I'll admit I would probably end up playing. Just sad music. I don't know what it is about me, but I love sad music, OK? And so I'd probably end up playing. A lot of sad music. Specifically for the people who are listening in the car by themselves. That want to shed a tear in a good way? Well now there is a place that I or you or anyone can host a live show. Amp is the platform that allows people to come together and create live, unfiltered radio shows with whatever music or content that they love. And this is like a real show where you can have people listening live and you can pick exactly which songs to play, and you can even have fans calling in to chat while you're on air. If I had a live show, I would definitely. Have people call in and ask me for dating advice honestly, so I think I'd have to do dating advice. You know what this actually sounds like the perfect radio show. Sad music combined with dating advice, because all of the shows on AMP are run by real people. You can tell that the playlists are authentic. A playlist generated automatically just sounds different than one that an individual is controlling based on their passions and tastes. And with 10s of millions of licensed songs to choose from, everyone will find the music that appeals to them. But it's not just music. You can have a talk show, or react to news, or riff on pop culture, and that's one of the best parts about being a podcast host. You can just riff. On whatever. Excites your mind on any given day. So download AMP today in the App Store. That's amp. Or ask Alexa to play amp. OK, so enough talking about me. I asked you guys on the Twitter at AG podcast to share with me why or why not. You want to have kids and. We're just going to go through and discuss them and continue the conversation. So somebody said. I don't see myself ever having children. If I change my mind. I 100% want to adopt or foster because some of them have had difficult experiences as I did, and I want to give those children as much care and support as I can. And show them that it's OK and that you can do great things and be successful. I think that that's a beautiful thing, I. Think for a lot of people having a child. Physically having your own child is just, not. Gonna happen, but. They still want to be parents, and so. There are so many, you know, children out there that. Need homes, you know, and need a consistent home. And so I think that that's a really beautiful. Thing. Somebody said I tell myself I hate being with little kids, but it makes me happy sometimes. I think that one day I will have children, but I'm debating on it. You know, my parents are a great example of adults who do not like children but liked me because I was theirs. And I think that that. Is. Usually pretty true across the board I I would say that. Even if you're somebody who hates children, you'll probably have an exception for your own. Uh. I actually agree. I think other people's babies are ******* annoying because it's their baby. Like I don't wanna hear it cry because I didn't agree that. Like I didn't agree to. Dealing with the. Turbulence of this child. Like, I get frustrated with other people's children because I'm like. I. This is why am I having to deal with this distress, and it's because it's not even mine. Does that make sense? I think other people's kids are annoying, but. I know for a fact that when I have my own, if I do have my own that like I will make exceptions for that child because I it's mine. You know what I mean? I don't know. Some people just hate all kids, even if it's their own. And those people should not have children. Amen. But. I think for most people who are not the biggest fans of kids, they make exceptions for their own. Somebody said, if I'm being honest, I don't think I have the mental capacity to have children. Like, I struggle to take care of even myself. So yeah. I think that this changes when you get older, because I think once you get older and you mature. You start to be. You start to become more capable of more responsibility at once. I think that that's a part of growing older. In a part of, you know, your brain maturing, you just become capable of more responsibilities at once. So. I think that's something to consider. You know, if you're just completely deterred by the idea of having children because you're like. I can barely take care of myself right now. Remind yourself that you're also. Really young right now and. It's normal that you can only take care of yourself right now. You're only supposed to be taking care of yourself right now. But in 10 years, 15 years down the line, it's gonna look a lot different and you're gonna be capable of taking care of others because all of the work that you've done on yourself. Up until that point. Has made it possible that now you can take care of other people as well. Do you see what I'm saying? Like. When you're a young person, it's your responsibility to take care of yourself and to raise yourself. But at a certain point, you don't need to take care of yourself and raise yourself as much anymore. And then you have the room and the space to raise a child. Somebody said I have a lot of healing to do and money to make before I even consider the possibility of kids. So for now it's a strong no. If that changes in five to 10 years time, then so be it. But right now I want to grow up and be the cool aunt with good music and better wine. I also think that this perspective. Just shows that. You know you can change your mind overtime, like you can leave your options open. I feel pretty certain that I want to have kids, but I also am not. Stating for certain that that's what's going to happen because you just never know what tomorrow's gonna bring, and so you don't need to make a stern decision if you don't feel ready to like it's it's all about leaving all the doors open and considering all possible options and then. Waiting until one of them feels right and then going with that. I swear to ******* God, I really if you can hear this leaf blower, I'm gonna lose my marbles. I it is so annoying. There's just nothing more annoying than the sound of a leaf blower. And I don't know where it's coming from. It must be my neighbor's yard because I don't have anybody's leaf blowing in my yard. It's so loud and the sound of it makes me like actually nothing makes me more mad. Like it makes my blood boil and it I I don't know why and I feel bad. You know, I feel bad because I'm like some innocent person is out there just leaf blowing and doing their job and I'm in here boiling, wanting to scream at them and tell them to just. Throw that leaf blower off of a Cliff like I. But it's not their fault, you know? And like, I can't even imagine how bad it is for them, right? Like they're *******. Out there having to hear that sound all day, but I just cannot deal with the leaf blower sound. It's so annoying and I honestly wish that leaf blowers didn't exist. Can we bring back brooms? Can we bring back brooms and just start using brooms instead? I cannot hear the sound of a leaf blower ever again. I never want to hear it again. Let's make brooms cool again. Let's sweep things up. Let's stop with the ******* leaf blower. I'm done. I will single handedly go to all of my neighbors backyards and sweep for them so that I never have to hear a ******* leaf blower again. Anyway, somebody said. I'm constantly questioning whether I want kids or not. Sometimes I get baby fever, but also one kid costs around one house. So sometimes I think maybe I'd rather want a comfortable living space, fun vacations with friends and partner and get as much as possible out of my young years. I honestly think that you can do both. I really think that you can live your young years to the fullest and then have kids when you're like 35 and you're over it and when you have a more stable income, like I think you can do both. I think you can use your money first. I don't wanna say selfish, but I guess selfish reasons when you're younger and then you know when you're older and you're ready to kind of share. Then you can still have a kid, so I think you can do both. Somebody said. Having and raising kids to be good people is a huge responsibility. Plus, the idea of being pregnant is really scary to me. I agree like. I think that the. The choice of having a child or not. Is very different between men and women, you know, because women are the ones that have to carry the baby. And I completely agree about the fear of holding the child. I literally do not want to do it. I don't. I there's nothing I've wanted to do less ever in my life. But I also think that that's a huge part of the humbling experience, which is appealing to me, you know, like when you. Take your body and you. Put it through something like a pregnancy. You're using your body for. A purpose. That's much deeper than you know. I think. What? We tend to think our body's purpose is before, you know, it's put under the stress and responsibility of like having a kid like. There's something very beautiful about. Using your body in that way, you know to have a child and even though it might do things to your body that. Make you uncomfortable. Like, it could give you stretch marks. You know it. Like there's weight fluctuations that come with it. There's so much that comes with pregnancy, right? That's scary, but also I think that going through that. Could possibly make you love yourself more like there's a potential for that. I don't know. If it would workout that way, you know, like you might not end up feeling that way. You know you might like. Hate the way that your body looks after pregnancy and you like regret, you know, the whole thing? I don't know, but I think that there is a potential for seeing your body in a new way after becoming pregnant and after having a child. Like I think it could help you accept your body for what it is and look at it as. A beautiful, powerful thing, rather than. Objectifying it? Like you tend to do when you're young. Anyway, you guys, I have to go because of this ******* leaf blower. I'm so upset right now. I actually cannot. Deal with it. It's so loud. I'm so mad, but I actually cannot talk anymore because I'm so angry about this leaf blower. So I'm going to go. I'm sweating cause I'm so upset. Actually, I can't end this episode yet because I'm not done, but I'm just so mad about this ******* leaf blower. I'm gonna pause the recording and I'll come back when the leaf blower is done. We're talking about Macy's again. My favorite one stop shop in such a beloved friend to anything goes. Macy's is the best because it really has something for everyone in every occasion. Whether it's clothes, HomeGoods, cooking Ware, whatever it may be, Macy's has something for you in the spirit of everybody having their own individual Macy's shopping experience. They're making us feel like true VIP's for the next couple of weeks because Macy's VIP sale has arrived just in time to get everything you need to cozy up this fall. From September 23rd to October 3rd, get 30% off regular sale and clearance items plus. 15% off beauty and again, outside of beauty, that's 30% off. Pretty much everything from clothing, shoes and handbags to home decor and appliances. It's happening at Macy's. You want to know what I'm going to get? I'm going to get scarves because I really wanna have a scarf. I live in California. It's only cold for like 3 months here and it's not even that cold. Like it never snows, but I need to be leaning into the winter attire this year because last year I wasn't going hard enough. So I will be picking up a few things from Macy's. If you need to get some stuff for fall, check out Macy's. Com. That's Macy's com. You'll find what you need. I can guarantee you that. OK, I just had to stop recording for literally an hour. And investigate this. Leaf blower situation. It turns out it wasn't a leaf blower at all. And in fact, that loud noise was. Someone's chopping down a tree. With a chainsaw. No, excuse that. Sound. I know you guys probably heard it, I'm so sorry. But also I am not going to do anything to fix it. And that was a pain that we had to go through together, which personally I think is a bonding experience for us. We both had to hear. That tree get chopped down violently and like we both had to deal with just. The sheer annoyance of it, and I I like that we got to experience that together, so I will not be rerecording the parts that have chainsaw noises. In them, in fact, it's actually still kind of happening. Do you know what now? I think I'm just imagining things because I I know that the tree is done being chopped down, but I keep hearing the sound still. Like, I think it's like literally anchored into my brain. Anyway, let's get back to. What we were discussing. OK, somebody said. Being 16 and looking into my future, no. Because that's at least 18 years of your life that you have to completely dedicate to somebody else. It just seems stressful to me and I don't think I'm cut out for it. I honestly think that this is the mindset of a lot of young people, because I think the idea of having to. Give up yourself for somebody else, for another human being. It just seems impossible because. In your current state of mind, it is impossible when you're a young person. You. Could not. And you should not. Dedicate yourself to somebody like you shouldn't. You shouldn't have to. You shouldn't want to. And. You just shouldn't in general, right? So it can be hard to imagine that at some point in your life that might be. Actually a great thing. So I think that that's just something to consider. Is that like that mind that mindset will shift, you know what I mean? And. You're not like, it's natural to feel like that when you're young, but I think when you're older, that goes away. Like when I think about having a child right now, I'm like, that's I could not have a child right now even, like, it would be awful. I would be a mess, you know what I mean? Like, I still have a lot of work I need to do on myself. I still have a lot of growing that I need to do. I need to focus on me for the next 10 years before I have a child, you know? But I'm looking into the future and I'm aware that at some point. I won't feel this way anymore. I won't need to put as much time and effort into myself as I am now. Somebody said because my family situation is not the best ever, I want to make myself a loving family in a safe place and I don't want to give up on the family idea. I won't ever be great with my parents, but hopefully I can make it perfect with my children. I think that this is. A really, really beautiful way to look at. Starting a family especially. If your family situation growing up wasn't the best, I think that having children. In starting a family allows for a second chance. Where you're in control this time, you know what I mean. You're in control. You're the one that's determining the family dynamic. You're the one that's calling the shots. It's not your parents anymore now, it's you you get to. Create whatever type of family that you want. And I think that that's a really beautiful thing for me personally, my parents. Are divorced and I'm really. Excited about the idea of. Raising a child in. A non divorced environment which, you know, I don't know, I might end up divorcing. I mean, I don't think so. But like, you know, you don't know. You're like I might end up getting divorced one day. I don't know. I'm not. You never ******* know, right? But. I like the idea of. Being able to experience a home that is like. Not split in half. I'm excited about the concept of a whole family living under one roof and like being able to experience that in one way or another. Even though, you know, I'm not getting to experience it as a child, I'm excited about the idea of getting to experience that as an adult. So. I think that starting a family gives you the opportunity to experience things that you've always wanted to experience that. Weren't available or weren't possible when you were growing up. Somebody said I absolutely want to have kids. The thought of having a family and starting a life with somebody is so cool. But on the other hand, parenthood is a job within itself. And what if I'm not good enough? It's always a thought in the back of my mind. You know, I. Think that what I'm about to say applies to a lot of things like, not just. Being a parent, but like a lot of things. OK, so we'll start with the example of parenthood. The thought of being a parent is daunting because it's so complex. It's so. Difficult. It takes a lot of maturity and it's just like it's it's one of the hardest things you'll ever do and but like a lot of people do it though, a lot of people do it. And you see a lot of people do it right when you see somebody else doing something. Like being a parent for example. It's easy to look at them and think, wow, they have it all figured out. The truth is, nobody ever with anything has it all figured out. Nobody and everybody makes mistakes. There's no such thing as being good enough. For something like parenting, everybody's just. Figuring it out as they go. You know, it's like. Being a good parent. Comes down to doing your absolute best. If you're doing your absolute best, there's no doubt that you will be a good parent. Because. I think the only way that you can be a bad parent is if you're not. Trying to be a good parent, like, if you're actively like, I don't really care to try to be a good parent, then you are a bad parent. But if you just simply say, I'm going to do my best at this and I'm going to love my child as much as I possibly can, and I'm going to do my absolute best to keep them safe. And keep a roof over their head in the best way that I can. Then you're being a good parent. Simple as that. So don't ever doubt yourself and say like, I don't know if I'm good enough because. That's up to you whether you're good enough. You decide whether or not you're a good parent like you, through your actions, get to choose whether or not you want to be a good parent. Somebody said it depends on whether or not I'm stable enough to provide. The children a good life. I think that that's a great. Basis to go on and. The beautiful thing about that is that that can change like. Let's say at 25, you're like, I'm just not there yet, you know, like I don't. I haven't found the right partner. I'm not feeling. Mentally stable enough. Like I'm still figuring out my own ****. I'm not ready for kids. I don't even want to think about kids right now. Great. Then maybe in five years you're 30 and you have. All of those things in place, you have a partner now that you would like to raise a family with, and you have a good grasp on your mental health and you're in a good spot with it. Then you might be like, yes, I'm ready, you know, you have to just. Be intuitive with it. You have to. I think that this is the type of decision that you. Need to be intuitive with and you need to listen to yourself and no one else. Like you're gonna know when you're ready to make that type of decision. Nobody else is going to know. You need to go on your own timeline when everything is in line for you and you feel ready and it feels right and it feels. Like a good decision. That's when you press go. There's no need to listen to anybody else's noise about. This decision like this is a decision that you gotta make for you when it's right for you and not let anybody. Else convince you otherwise, unless it's your partner, because that's kind of the only person that you need to listen to, because they're. Timeline also needs to be taken into account. But yeah. That's all I got for today, you guys. I really enjoyed this conversation. I. Love just like. I don't know like working stuff out. Like, no, I don't like what did we accomplish today? Like I don't know. We just discussed and I loved it. I like I discussing is great. That actually is what a podcast is, though. I don't know why I'm like. Getting all excited about the actual concept of a podcast and, like, sharing that excitement with you. It's like, yeah, I'm a we get it. You like? Podcasting because you have a podcast. Why are you? Just explaining to us why you like it like. I need to go. I need to go. This was really fun. I really enjoyed hanging out with you guys this week. And. We'll do it again soon. Thank you for listening. If you want to follow the Twitter or the Twitter is at AG podcast, you can follow anything goes on any platform that you stream podcasts and you can leave a review on Apple Podcasts. Tell me what you think of the podcast. I really appreciate the reviews and honestly read them all the time. And they make me feel really good, and I really appreciate your guys's kind words. I hope you all have an amazing rest of your week and we will talk soon. Bye.