Emma prefers to share her thoughts with a microphone rather than a physical human being, so thank god she has a podcast. Recorded from the comfort of her bed, Emma talks at length about whatever is on her mind every week. Anything really does go on this podcast. Sometimes philosophy, sometimes a random story from 10 years ago, sometimes advice, and sometimes nothing at all. You never know what you are going to get, but that’s what keeps it interesting. New episodes every Thursday.
Thu, 25 Jun 2020 10:00
Breaking out of your shell and gaining confidence comes in different ways at different times for us all. Emma opens up about struggles with confidence growing up, and then eventually breaking out of her shell in various ways over the past few years, especially through YouTube. Plus, questions on things like making friends, talking with people you’re interested in, and how to be unapologetically yourself despite what others may think. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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I'm Emma Chamberlain. Hope you guys are having an amazing day. Evening, morning, whatever the ****. I'm feeling particularly chill today. Like, I don't feel the need to raise my voice or like scream or be loud. I just kinda wanna have a chill conversation with you guys today. Because that's just the mood I'm in. But before we get into today's topic, which I'm really, really excited about, I want to just give you a little life update. So for one, I dyed my hair. By the time this comes out, I'm not sure if I will have showed everybody what I've done with it. I'm not going to tell you what I did, not that you guys ******* care. I mean, it's really, it's literally hair. People make such a big deal out of dying hair. Everybody's like, I did a thing, everybody checked this out. I did a thing and they got like. 2nd 3 highlights in their hair. So that's me. Actually. I did something a little bit crazy. I look completely different so it is a little bit weird. I'm looking at myself in the mirror right now. Holy **** this is weird. Did this a few days ago. It took six hours. I was sitting in the salon chair for six hours getting my hair done and it was a long time and my tailbone hurt and I was hungry afterwards and I filmed the whole thing. So that will be up on my channel at some point. Hopefully by the time this comes out so you guys will know what I did. But. Really exciting. I honestly think that changing my hair is like it actually is, so it's like so fun and exciting and it like. And it's just like, it's like a fun accessory, you know? Like the last hairstyle I did was controversial. Some people hated it and some people loved it. It was the IT was a mixed bag, but I did brown hair with blonde underneath. Which was it was a weird look. I mean, it was kind of weird. I don't even. I got the idea of tick tock. Like, I don't know, the whole thing was kind of crazy, but that was fun while it lasted. But I got so sick of it and I couldn't get my hair done. During quarantine. So it just grew out and looked like ****. And then finally I was able to get my hair done and I was like so ready for a change that I literally did the most dramatic change possible. So excited to have a new hair color. It is a surprise and. I don't know why it's a surprise because who gives a ****? But it is. Everybody likes it though. Everybody in my family, all my family and friends are like, yes, this is it, we love this. So yeah, we will see. But it's getting to today's topic. I'm feeling quite boring today, so enjoy that. I'm really dehydrated though. I need my coffee and it's also freezing cold in the room that I'm recording and I record in basically my closet because it like the sounds. There's clothes in this room, so like the sound waves like get caught in the clothes and the fabric and then there's like less echo in here. I don't know if that's true, but that's just why I do it and who knows if that's even logical at all. But it's ******* freezing in here. I don't know why the AC gets so cold in here anyways. So today's episode is about coming out of my shell. Gaining confidence. Becoming who I really am in front of everyone, unapologetically. Umm. The the way like, I don't think I even realized that I did this because it was so, like natural for me to kind of come out of my shell and I didn't even really notice, but I talked to someone. Who's a friend. Not super close or anything, but like a friend. You know that I talked to them every few months or whatever? No, not even like once a year, but still an acquaintance, right? And. I met this person when I didn't even live in LA yet, so I was like visiting LA and I met this person. And you know, this was in like 2018, 2017, 2018, 2018 and you know I was just this little 17 year old. That like. You know, just. Stopped going to school, was trying to figure out who I was. Like, just kind of started getting some people watching my videos, like everything was weird, right? And I go to LA to do something. And I meet this person and I just remember I was so nervous and shy. I met a bunch of people, but I'm talking about this person specifically, and. I was just so shy and, like, didn't know how to ******* get a sentence out literally. Like. Couldn't show my sense of humor. Couldn't engage in a conversation comfortably, like, just so tense and like anxious and nervous and just like it was miserable. And I kind of forgot that that happened. But then I talked to this person again. Maybe two months ago and they brought it up to me. They're like. Emma it's crazy how different you are now. Like, you've come out of your shell in like, the craziest way. Ever. Like, I can't believe that, like, you've really blossomed in a sense. And I was, I mean, it was. It almost made me ******* cry when they said this to me, especially because I'm not really close with this person. They're not like a best friend or anything. And so, but it kind of got me thinking and then that kind of planted a seed in my head. Like, holy **** I really have grown so much since I started this whole YouTube thing and since I moved to LA, and it's just been so freeing that I really just wanted to kind of tell my story. About coming out of my shell and like the phases that I've been through and like how I got to where I am today and maybe help some of you guys come out of your shell as well. Because it's really tough and I always considered myself like pretty confident. But in retrospect, I actually don't think I was. I really don't think I was. I think I was in front of my closest friends and family and maybe in front of a camera, because in front of a camera is basically just me by myself, but when it came to like new people and. New experiences. I was so timid and shy and like scared and nervous and anxious, so anxious. And so I think that I've really. Come out of that and like, I'm just like, have a totally different approach to everything now, and. And I'd love to talk about it. I don't know if I've actually ever really talked about this with anyone else. Like, I don't think I've ever had this type of conversation, like about how I did it and like, whatever. So it'll be really interesting to kind of dig into that and see what we can find and maybe they'll be something useful, so. Let me take a sip my coffee. Uh. Drank too much in one sitting. OK, so let's start with who I was as a child. I'm talking about like. Age is like two to six years old. I was kind of a little *****. Based on the stories that my parents have told me about when I was like, kind of a baby, I was not nice. It doesn't sound like a kind of an evil baby in a sense. Like when my parents would have their friends over, like, I would literally cry and like yell at them to leave, which is crazy to me now. I don't know what was going on there. I don't know why I was like, I don't know why I was like that, but. Yeah, according to them, I was quite the little *****. Like really judgmental as a baby. Like, you know, like a baby like doesn't like you. Like that was me to like everybody except for my parents, so don't really know why I was like that. But you would think, like, OK, a baby that comes out and has this insane, ****** attitude is probably gonna grow up and, like, always be like that? Well, no. Because then I went to school and I remember like I showed up to my first day of kindergarten. And I remember there are these three girls and they were playing games or whatever. And my parents had told me, like, you know, you go up and like, tell people that you want to hang out with them or be their friend or whatever, because it was obviously my first day of school. I know what the **** I was doing. And so I went up to them and I was like, hey, can I play with you guys? And then they said, no, we're only here. There's only three people in this game. And I was like, oh, so then I went and ate my apple slices on the on a bench by myself, which in retrospect makes me want to cry, but I don't really think it hurt my feelings. Too bad back then. So I don't think we need to pity me at all. That kind of explains how I was in school. I think I was pretty. Shy, not super bold. Overall in like elementary school and then in middle school. I think I kind of came out of my shell a little bit, but I think that I was kind of. Like a little bit. Maybe more than elementary school, but I think I was really. Impressionable in middle school, and that's when I kind of just conformed and became a yes man. Whatever my friends were doing, that's what I was doing. Whatever my friends liked, that's what I liked. Whatever my friends were wearing, that's what I would wear. Whatever the boy that I thought was cute told me to do. That's what I would do, like I would just. Go with the flow and do what everybody else was doing. I just wanted to fit in. Somebody dyed their hair. I would dye their hair, dye my hair, dye their hair. Like just absolutely no personality of my own. Just like became. One with the rest of the middle schoolers and just. Had no individuality at all. And I think deep down I was like, this isn't really me, but I just kind of didn't care. I was like, well, this doesn't really feel right. This doesn't really feel like me. I kind of felt like I was like wearing like a. Costume. And I was like acting like I was being something that I wasn't just to fit in. And I, like, could feel that, like I didn't feel comfortable in what I was wearing. Like I felt like I was playing a part. I don't feel like I felt like I was being myself and I would buy clothes that I thought were cool, and then I'd never wear them because I was like, I'll get made fun of for wearing that, you know? The whole thing that everybody does in middle school, it's common. And then in high school, you know, I feel like I kind of was a little bit more weird. Like I maybe, like, became a little bit. Weirder in high school, if you will, like, kind of was a little bit more myself because I went to all girls school and there's no guys judging or whatever, so I wasn't like trying to impress boys. So I was just kind of being myself. But I still think that I was in a similar mindset where I was just trying to go with the pack, you know what I mean? Like just hang out with people. Be a yes man like. I, throughout my years of being at school, was like a yes man for sure, and I think that that stemmed from me. Like? Me like conforming so much in school and just doing what my friends were doing and doing what was cool and like whatever. It kind of made me spineless, like I had no personality or spine of my own. I was not confident. I was really insecure. I don't think that I was. As empathetic as I am now, I think I just kind of only thought about myself because I was so like. Concerned about what everybody thought of me that I was, like, not really thinking about. Like other people, as much you know. Not like necessarily. In a mean way like I wasn't. I'm just saying that, like, my #1 focus was myself, whereas, like, now I don't think that that's as much true. I mean, I definitely is, but it's like in a different way. Like back then it was like. All of my mental real estate went into, like, dressing cool for a party. You know what I mean? Like, that's what I was thinking about was like now. Like I, I put more thought and effort into, like, reaching out to people that I love and making sure that they're doing well and, you know, asking people how they're doing more and stuff like that. But like in high school, I was like, so focused on, like, being a yes man and, like, pleasing everybody and, like, fitting in that I just, like, didn't. I was just like so much less thoughtful, but I think that's really normal. I do. And then obviously I took that, I took a test, and I graduated school early once I became a YouTuber. And. It I had this phase of like six months after I graduated where I didn't see literally anyone. Like, I literally didn't see anybody. I was just in my mom's apartment. With my camera and my computer. And I just would film videos and edit them and post them. And that was kind of all I did and I didn't really see anyone. And I didn't really have any YouTube friends because I lived in San Francisco, you know? Well, not in San Francisco, but I lived in the Bay Area. And so, like, I didn't know any Youtubers really. I wasn't really a part of the YouTube community. I was just kind of a YouTuber. But like, I didn't know anyone, you know? And so that was weird because it was like. At school I had like school friends or whatever. But then like, once I became a YouTuber, I thought I was gonna have YouTube friends and then I didn't. And I was like, oh **** this is ****** and I'm really lonely. But then eventually I started to make YouTube friends. And it was a slow process, but I did and I started, you know, people. It's just, you know, when you do the same thing as someone else and you. Are in the same space. It's like an immediate conversation starter. So I started making friends with different people on the Internet and started forming some friendships. And then, you know, I never met any of them. It was always like a digital friendship, like over text or whatever. And then eventually it was like time for me to meet all of them. Clothes are one of the many ways that we express ourselves and we're constantly switching up our wardrobes. To reflect our interests and styles. But one thing that is a little bit more difficult to switch up is our glasses. Until now, because now with pair eyewear. You can have a different frame every day, OK? With pair eyewear, you start with a chic pair of glasses, right? That look great just by themselves, but they have a special secret. Which is that they have at little. Magnet inside so you can snap on. A cool frame on top of your existing glasses. I got the crystal clear Reese base frame which is just a really chic pair of all clear glasses. The frame is clear obviously the lenses are clear and I got a tortoise frame and a Plaid frame so I can now it. Basically I have 3 pairs of reading glasses now. There are so many options, iconic base shapes and then all sort of frames to go on top retro classic neon sparkle. You'll definitely find your vibe I also love. Buying from a brand that really, really cares and pair provides glasses to a child in need for every pair that you buy. Get glasses as ever, changing as you are with pear. Go to pair eyewear com Emma for 15% off your first purchase. That's 15% off at PAIR eyewear.com/emma. So I'm going to be brought here, but. When I started meeting these Youtubers that like I admired so much that wanted to be my friend and. I wanted to be their friend and it was like this amazing thing to me. I was like, Oh my God, like. I'm finally, I finally have, like a community of people, right? Because I was like, really lonely from not going to school anymore. And I was like, Oh my God, this is like my new. Kind of social. Structure like is Youtubers right? Because I was like that makes sense. And so I started meeting them. And I just. I don't think I realized this in the moment, but looking back like. I really had no spine. I. Just like everything that they said, what they said was right. I had no unique opinion. Like? I would just agree with everything that they said. I was scared to be myself. In show who I really was, I was. I mean like every time I would speak I would like think about every word I said and like. I I couldn't get a full sense out. I was so different in real life than I was in my videos because I was scared to be who I really was in front of these people. But like, I wasn't scared to do that in front of a camera. And like. I wouldn't show my sense of humor. Like, I literally would not show my sense of humor. I I couldn't make a joke. I could not make a joke. It was too scary. I would like go through it in my head like 6 times and be like, OK, well what if they think that, like, it wasn't funny and like, what if the whole room gets silent like all of this stuff and there's just all these concerns for me and I was so ******* scared of like. Saying anything. So I would just say nothing because it was like, there was no risk in saying nothing, right? And so I put them all onto this pedestal. I was like, Oh my God, these people are so cool. Like, how can I be as cool as them and whatever. And this was honestly so damaging, you know, because. It wasn't fun for me. Like I would hang out with these people and I would just be like ******* tense the whole time and I like. Didn't know how to act. And then, you know, I started filming collabs, and filming collabs would give me this intense anxiety, because. I would try to have my like regular personality that I show on camera and like who I really am in front of my close friends and family, but like if I was filming a collab. I, like didn't feel safe to do that. Like, be who I really was because I was like, Oh my God, they're gonna judge me. They're gonna think I'm weird, like if I'm being loud or I'm, like, talking a lot or whatever. And, you know, I also think that a lot of my fear about, like, showing who I really am is that I've always been told. That I talk too much and that, you know, I'm annoying and like this, this and that. And I mean, I understand that, cause I think I used to be actually pretty annoying and I still am annoying now, but I think I'm less annoying now. I've kind of settled down, but I've just always been told that, like, I'm annoying and that I need to shut up and then I need to stop talking so, like, or that my jokes aren't funny or whatever. And so when it came to like being around these people that I idolized, in a sense that we're now becoming my friends. Like there's just no way for me to be myself and, you know, filming collabs. Was the worst because I like, could not. Act normal on camera. Like, I would be acting weird. And I watched those videos now and I'm like, oh, I mean some of them weren't weird, but like some of them definitely were. And you know, it's it's sad, but I also think that. Putting myself in all those uncomfortable situations. Surrounding myself with people that I kind of put on a pedestal in a sense, you know, get going out of my comfort zone and filming videos with people that like, you know, when it made me nervous doing stuff like that. And realizing that number one. The anxiety is mainly for nothing. There's really no point to have anxiety about it, but also realizing through working with these people that like. Everybody's a human, you know what I mean? Everybody's a ******* human if anybody. Is not cool with who you really are. Go find someone else. And that's something that I think is really hard to understand when you're in that mindset where you're like, no, like, I really want to be friends with this person. I can't **** this up. I can't **** this up. I can't **** this up when you're so concerned about. Messing up a potential friendship by being yourself. It seems like. Overanalyzing everything you do and say, well, like preserve that relationship or make sure that it like lasts. But in reality, I don't think that that's true. And I think that being yourself up front is the best option because then. Everything's out on the table, and if you click, you click and if you don't, you don't and. If somebody doesn't. Think you're dope as ****? Because you are and if somebody doesn't think that. Then you don't need to be their friend. And so, but I didn't know that I was so. Afraid of, like, losing friendships with these people that I kind of idolized, that I just was like. A ******* wreck. I was a wreck, so I keep cussing, but. I was a wreck because I was like. I wanted to be cool and I wanted to be funny and like, whatever. And I mean, it's actually crazy because I had some friendships with people for a really long time, and those people still have no idea what my real personality is. Not anymore, because those are people I'm not friends with anymore. But there's certain people that I was friends with for periods of time that never actually got to see who I really was, whether it was because I felt that they were judgmental or because they put them on a pedestal or whatever. And they never actually knew me in a way which is sad. And I think that that ****** ** some friendships for me, you know what I mean? Because I never felt comfortable enough to like truly be myself, but I think that having. A lot of friendships that didn't work out, putting myself in uncomfortable situations, doing all of that stuff. Has led me to kind of. Be more fearless about all of this. I think a big part of all of it was. Finding a group of friends that I did not feel like judged me. And that I didn't feel like that didn't make me feel small or dumb or. Intimidated? Finding a group of friends like that really helped me. Because then I had this solid foundation. And then. You know, when I met new people, I wasn't so concerned. Like, oh, these are my only options of people that I can have as friends. I can't lose this because this is all I have. I have to be on my, you know, best behavior and everything I say has to be perfect and everything I do has to be perfect and funny and awesome and loud and whatever. Like, I wasn't so concerned about that because if I met somebody and they didn't like me, OK, cool. Well, I have my best friends that I can lean on and I don't need anyone else. And also finding confidence in myself and knowing, like, I could spend a week. Alone and be completely fine. I mean, it wouldn't. It's not ideal, but I could do it in knowing that also gave me some security knowing like I could be alone and I would be fine, so I don't need anybody to. Some people cannot like me, some people cannot click with me, and that's OK. I'm just gonna be myself and whether and if they like it, then they like it and if they don't, then they don't. Coffee yasmar. I just put my microphone on my neck so I don't know what that sounded like. I don't have headphones, but like hopefully that was crazy so. Anyway. I think the key to it all. In summary, before we get into some questions, I think that the key to it all. Is. I mean, I say this in every episode for literally everything. Like every time I give advice, it's like, move be by yourself. But really, I think that. Finding your own real identity, finding your people that understand you, that you can be yourself around. And. Doing things that make you feel confident, you know, like whether that's dressing a certain way, whether that's exercising, whether that's. You know, reading a ******* book? I don't know, but doing things for you a lot, I think that that really helps when you're doing stuff for you and you have a great life on your own and in your life when no one else is in it is still a good life. When you bring people in you, you live without fear because you're like, I have a good life with or without this person, and if they aren't going to treat me right, or if they are judging me, or if they. Don't want to be my friend. It might sting a little bit, but I have a life to go back to without them or with them. That's a great life. And. I don't need them and I don't need anyone and I don't need anyone's approval because I approve of myself. And I think that I'm funny, and I think that I'm cool, and I think that I'm a good friend, and I think I'm a good family member, and I think I'm a good blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know? And when you truly do believe that about yourself. I think that's a really. I think that that that helps with everything and helps with your confidence and all. Social situations, if you believe that. Someone's having you as a friend. Sorry about that. I was a cute little burp is actually kind of nasty. I'm sorry. If you know your worth. Then. When someone doesn't want to be in your life. You can kind of think of it as their loss, but not in a way of like a narcissistic way, just in a way of like, well, I would have been a really good friend to that person. And so it's really a shame that they didn't give me the chance. And if you believe that about yourself rather than saying like, oh, what's wrong with me? What did I do wrong that they don't wanna be my friend? Don't think of it like that. Think of it like. That's their loss, because I would have been a really good friend of that person if that's true. If that is true, if you think you would have genuinely been a good friend of that person, and if you think you are a good friend, then it would be their loss if they missed out on a really cool friendship. And that's the way that you need to think about it, you know, rather than questioning yourself. In wondering if you did something wrong, unless you did and then you can handle that and then you apologize and then you move on. But. Anyway, let's get into some questions. About this topic, I'm really excited to get into it. I have some friends and family members who wear contacts, and honestly, I can't imagine how much of a pain it must be to always have to go to the eye doctor, go in for unnecessary tests. When you know that your prescription hasn't changed. It's so time-consuming and so stressful. I truly can't imagine one 800 contacts has been making people's lives so much easier and delivering contact lenses for 27 years. They make getting contacts super fast and easy. Even if you have a really strong prescription, all you have to do is order the same contacts you would get from your doctor. Just look on the side of your contacts box for that info. You can order online, over the phone, or with their app, and they ship them fast and free to your home. You can even renew your prescription. Online using their express exam and there are so many benefits to going through. One 800 contacts. They guarantee if you find your contacts at a lower price elsewhere, they'll beat it. And I mean, who doesn't like to save a little money? Speaking of which, new customers can get extra discounts when you check out their site, and their 24/7 customer support is so helpful that it's award-winning. So let one 800 contacts get you the contact lenses you need. Order online at one 800 contacts. Dot com. First question, how do you feel about overly confident people? Well, I think that there's a difference between somebody who's really confident in somebody who's cocky. It's a fine line. I actually really like being around people who are super confident. And I'm not saying that I don't like hanging out with people who aren't because there are some really amazing people who aren't necessarily confident in themselves yet. And also everybody struggles and everybody's insecure sometimes. It's like ******* human being human stuff. I think when people are confident, it could be actually really inspiring. I find it really inspiring when somebody's. Confident in themselves and. Proud of who they are. I think that that's super inspiring and amazing, and I actually like surrounding myself with people like that. But overly confident people? No. I tend to feel like those people. Are a lot more judgmental. And our. More obsessed with themselves. Then like confident, like they're like just obsessed with themselves, but they're not confident. It's like, I think people who are overly confident actually tend to be some of the most insecure people and they're hiding something. Which is really sad. And I like would hope for those people that they can, you know, tone it back a little bit and, you know, be actually like confident in themselves and not have to like, overdo it to like prove a point. I just, I don't think that's necessary. So I don't really like being around those types of people personally, but I also hope for those people that they can find themselves and stop being so obsessed with themselves. Next, do you find it hard to be yourself when you're trying to fit in with new people? Not anymore. But as I've mentioned earlier, yes. Now I don't think so. I mean it. Definitely meeting new people is always a little bit awkward. Like you kind of have to. Feel out their energy and like, OK, is this person somebody who needs a little bit of time to open up or is this a person that like? You know, automatically is just kind of an open book. I tend to be somebody who's automatically an open book. Like, I will meet somebody and act like I've known them for years. That's just kind of I I like. That's something I do because I feel like it makes things less, less awkward and it makes other people feel more comfortable if I just meet somebody and I just act like I've known them forever and give them a really warm and welcoming energy, like if I meet somebody and I'm like. I seem excited to meet them. And I seem, you know, interested in them and like all of that. I think that that really helps because that automatically makes the other person feel comfortable around you. So that it's less awkward and the awkwardness never even happens. I mean, some people aren't down for that, though. Some people you'll be like, hey, so nice to meet you, like, what's up? And then they'll be like, hi. And those people are tough because then it's not your fault. There's nothing you can do if somebody's judgmental, like when you first meet them. Even if you're super open and nice and welcoming and they still aren't having it, that is at that point not a you problem. There's nothing you can do. You just have to try to be welcoming and wait for them to open up. Hopefully in sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. But I think overall greeting somebody in like setting the tone with like a really warm and welcoming energy that just. Really helps with fitting in and making things not uncomfortable. Somebody said how long did it take you to become more confident in yourself after moving to LA? I think that I had a huge turning point about a year ago. So that's about. A year and a few months into moving to LA. I think I finally have have it pretty I have to fart. Hold on. OK. A year ago. Maybe less. Maybe like 8 months ago. I think I really figured it out and I think it's just from a lot of. Friendships and learning from those friendships and learning from the way that I was like. You know, just getting tired of, like, being a yes man from being like after being a yes man for like a year and a half. Like I was so sick of it that I was like. I'm just gonna ******* be myself now. I just. It was like, I'm over it. Somebody said any advice on high school parties? I mean, man. I didn't go to too many. I did go to, you know, a few. Advice on high school parties when it comes to the social element, like making new friends and like having fun and not being nervous. I would say. One thing that always used to help me was finding a friend that I felt really comfortable with and I was myself around them and going with that friend or going with a group of friends or whatever. So going with people that like you already feel comfortable and safe with. So that like when you're around other people it you just have this like barrier like if somebody who can help you fill blank space or help like with the conversations that you're having and all of that if you are going to something by yourself. Just start talking to people, because the sooner that you get into a conversation, the sooner you loosen up. It's really hard when you first arrive at something like a party and like, everybody's already talking and you're like, **** and you're like in the corner and you're like, I don't know what to do. Just, like, start a conversation with somebody. Be like. Make a joke, do something like it it anything. Like, be like, Oh my God, your pants are dope. Like, where those from like you can do anything like that and just start a conversation. And then once you start talking to somebody else, I think it really helps to like, alleviate anxiety and like just kind of. Distract you from your nervousness and then. And then sooner or later, everybody will all get comfortable with each other and then it'll be a fun party. I I've noticed that about high school parties. It's like in the beginning everybody like, it's kind of awkward and like quiet and then like after three hours, once everybody kind of talks to each other, then that's when it's fun. I don't know why that is, but. And then you moved to LA and then you go to a party and it's like. The beginning of a high school party for the whole party where everybody's all weird and not talking to each other, so I don't know what's up with that, but anyway. This question how long did it take you to find people that you feel comfortable around? Uh. It took me probably almost a year in LA to find that out, figure that out. Maybe, no, that's not true. Probably six months. I got really lucky and I found my best friends really early on and that's lucky as **** but. But yeah, somebody asked. How do you gain confidence? And be able to show it. I think the first step is gaining confidence. When you're by yourself, if when no one is around, you feel confident. That's an amazing first step, whether that is as I've said before. Exercising? Learning how to play guitar, putting on cool outfits, doing makeup, really cool. ******* watching a documentary that like is interesting, like educating yourself on things like doing whatever. Makes you feel good and confident. When you're by yourself, whether that's like feeling knowledgeable about something or feeling like you're taking care of your body and your mind, whatever. By doing something like yoga, you know what I'm saying? Like doing things that like make you feel good about yourself and make you feel productive and make you feel like you have. A purpose that doesn't involve anyone else. Then when you go and you start hanging out with people, it's a lot easier to show it because you have it by yourself when you're alone and when no one's around. And that really helps when you're around others, because then that shows moving on thoughts on people who act different when they hang out with someone. Listen, everybody's probably done this before. I could say. I've probably done it mainly around boys. Just trying to be ******* cool around around Bay or whatever. Actually, I don't think I've, I don't think I think that more referred to like guys I had crushes on in high school, but still. Listen, people. And this is coming from somebody who has done this. I don't know how severely I've done it. I don't think it's been like that bad, but I mean, some people are pretty bad about this, but. I have done this. And. You just have to understand that they're very insecure. OK, and I know this because when I was doing this I was very insecure. And I just wanted. To cater to who I was with. I wasn't worried about being myself. I wasn't worried about anything. I was worried about being what I thought this person wanted me to be in that moment. And I was really insecure and I was not a happy person. And. I think that those people will figure it out. Hopefully some people don't. Some people do. I hope for all those people that they figure it out. I sure did. And it was a rough awakening because you're, you know, then you look back and you're like you. Why was I just like not being my, like, that's so ****** to look back on. And it's embarrassing, but it's also, you know, it's a learning lesson and. So I think you just. Love those people and. Hope for them they grow out of that. If they're doing something that's. Harming you? Like, if they're like making fun of you and **** then. Either have a talk with them or just distance yourself from that person. OK, so if I were to host a live radio show and I could play any music I wanted. I would honestly probably have the time of my Life OK, but I'll admit I would probably end up playing. Just sad music. I don't know what it is about me, but I love sad music, OK? And so I'd probably end up playing. A lot of sad music. Specifically for the people who are listening in the car by themselves. That want to shed a tear in a good way? Well now there is a place that I or you or anyone can host a live show. Amp is the platform that allows people to come together and create live, unfiltered radio shows with whatever music or content that they love. And this is like a real show where you can have people listening live and you can pick exactly which songs to play, and you can even have fans calling in to chat while you're on air. If I had a live show, I would definitely. Have people call in and ask me for dating advice honestly, so I think I'd have to do dating advice. You know, this actually sounds like the perfect radio show sad music combined with dating advice because all of the shows on AMP are run by real people. You can tell that the playlists are authentic. A playlist generated automatically just sounds different than one that an individual is controlling based on their passions and tastes. And with 10s of millions of licensed songs to choose from, everyone will find the music that appeals to them. But it's not just music. You can have a talk show, or react to news, or riff on pop culture, and that's one of the best parts about being a podcast host. You can just riff. On whatever. Excites your mind on any given day. So download AMP today in the App Store that's a amp or ask Alexa to play amp. Somebody said. Was it hard being your confident self on YouTube? In the beginning I was so weird on YouTube. If I watch my own videos it makes me want to throw up. I acted really weird and I was not confident at all, but it was also because I was going through a time in my life when I wasn't confident. And then once my confidence started coming in a little bit, I think You Tube actually helped that come out. Then I started showing that on YouTube and then that started showing more in real life and then now here we are. But it wasn't always that way. I don't think that it was quote UN quote. Hard being my confident self on YouTube. Because I don't think it was like a conscious decision. I think it was kind of like a slow process and it kind of like. It kind of happened naturally, but I also think that I wasn't. When I first started my channel, I didn't even, like, think, oh, I'm not very confident right now. And that's probably showing, like, I wasn't really aware of that. It was kind of all subconscious and it all kind of happened on its own. And then now, in retrospect, I can look back and be like, Wow, YouTube really helped me come out of my shell. And be who I really was because I think that I was being who I really was on YouTube. And that's what made me want to be who I really was in real life. So it was almost reverse. It wasn't like. It was like in real life, I wasn't being myself, but on YouTube I was. And then eventually they molded all together. But then in the beginning of my channel, I wasn't being myself on YouTube or in real life. So like, yeah, it was. I don't know if any of that made sense, but. I'm moving on because I don't really want to talk about it anymore because it's confusing me what I'm saying. Somebody said talk about confidence while making an acceptance speech. Well, let's get into a little story here. So in 2018, I believe I won a award. And I gave about the worst acceptance speech known to man. I don't remember what I said, but it was pretty ******* bad. I was. So nervous. So nervous, like I was still at a point where I was very like. I was not out of my shell yet. When it came to like social situations and. When I was accepting my award, there were a bunch of Youtubers in the crowd. Like hundreds. All of which I've like watched before, and I was supposed to do an acceptance speech in front of all these people that I like, respected and like put on a pedestal, right? I almost started crying on the stage because I was so scared. Umm. It was the most awkward speech I've ever seen. And it's crazy because, like, now I feel like I'd be fine. But. Back then, I was not ready to do something like that. It also seems so much easier than it is like whenever I see people do acceptance speeches, it looks so easy. You're just like, thank you to my mom, thank you to the Academy. I don't even know that ******* means. I'd like to thank my agent, and I'd like to thank my manager, and I'd like to thank my lawyer, and I'd like to thank my and I like to thank Jesus. And like, you know, this is what people say. They just go, they riff off. But like it it's actually really difficult. And also, I didn't know I was gonna win, so there was like a bunch of feelings going on. It was awful. I. It was really traumatizing. I still don't really know how to have confidence while making an acceptance speech because to be honest, I don't really know if I'm ever gonna give one again because that experience was so traumatizing. And that would also mean that I'd win another award, which I don't know if that's ever happening either. So. Yeah, I don't really ever wanna give an acceptance speech again. Somebody said talk about how to make friends as an adult, because I have no idea. It is tough because there's like less places to meet people, but I do think that. There's like some key areas, I think that making friends at work. Is huge. I know my mom and my dad, they've made a lot of friends at work. Well, my dad used to when he had a different job. But like, they've made a lot of friends at work. I've made friends through YouTube, you know, which in a sense was kind of a similar idea, you know? And. I also think that, like, you know, finding hobbies like, for example, like SoulCycle for me, like doing cycling classes, that became kind of a hobby for me. And like, I met a bunch of people through that, you know, just from, like, seeing them all the time. I think going to a place consistently and seeing similar people going to a coffee shop all the time, you end up becoming friends with like, the ******* barista. Like, I'm not kidding. It happens and then you end up hanging and then you become friends. It's it's from going to these places consistently. And seeing people consistently and growing relationship with them, that's very like passing and then like eventually it's like we should actually hang out. I promise that's like the best way to make friends as an adult in my opinion. But I think work is the most reliable because it's like, you know, you see the same people every day and blah, blah, blah, but yeah. Somebody said I have problems eating in public because I don't want people to think I eat too much or not enough, especially when I'm around teenagers. Do you have any tips? This is so tough because I actually used to get a lot of anxiety about this and I used to like. Eat before I'd go. To. Like some sort of hangout or whatever just so that I didn't have to eat in front of you because it made me so uncomfortable. And I'm also a picky eater and I'm vegetarian and so like there's a lot to be said for like food related anxiety socially like eating and all that. Like I I've only recently become OK with eating in front of people, especially guys. Eating in front of guys is scary. I hate that I'm good about it now, but it used to be really hard for me. Like I would think about how every single bite that I took looked because I thought I looked weird when I was eating. I mean, The thing is that you have to realize. Nobody really is paying attention to what you're doing when it comes to eating. Like, think about it. People are just *******. They're just ready to eat their own food, and they're not even probably looking at you or what you look like when you eat, so just try to remember that. It's nobody else's business that is your business. Nobody can speak on that. That's literally none of their business. And if anybody tries to like, like, ohh, you know this, this and that about the way that you're eating or whatever. They have some serious issues. I've never, I've never in my life been like. Judge somebody on, like, the way that they're eating or how much they're eating or like, what? Like that's just ******* so toxic to me. So if anybody's doing that anyway. It's a friendship that you need to think about, for one. But I have OK, I have questioned. When somebody wants 8 French fries and dipped in mayonnaise, mayonnaise, I was like, there's no way that that tastes good, that looks disgusting. I didn't say that. Actually. I was like, is that good? I was like, I've never seen anything like that. So that's the only time I think I've ever commented on, like, how somebody was eating or what somebody was eating. Otherwise, you just shouldn't be doing that. So if anybody's doing that to you. Kick him out and. Eating is a normal part of being a human and. Don't be so hard on yourself. Somebody said, how do you become less anxious around judgmental people? Oh my God. I ohhh. I just can't with judgmental people that aren't like, warm and welcoming. And like nice and accepting and open minded, biggest pet peeve, least favorite type of person. Literally makes me want to rip my hair out. Hate. These people have been friends with these types of people. Like they drive me nuts, OK? They drive me nuts and they will tear you down. They will tear you ******* down. Let me tell you, they will tear you down. They will make you feel like you're small. They'll make you become a yes man. If you weren't one before, they'll make you one like worst type of people to be around. Don't be asking yourself, how do I become less anxious around judgmental people? Just don't ******* be around them. Point blank. Stop being around those types of people. I can tell you first hand they are life ruiners. The only people that judgmental people can be around are people that. Are like. Arrogant and, like, don't care about what anyone think and just are really, like, obsessed with themselves. Because then when they get judged, they don't care or. Yeah, that's about it. That's about it. That's kind of judgmental people and, like, really arrogant people go really well together. Because the judgmental people judge them and then they. Arrogant people are like, well, **** you, I don't care. And then it's perfect. But if you're even remotely sensitive, hanging out, judgmental people, it's just not gonna go well for you and I. That is coming from one sensitive person to another. I got your back. Don't talk to them. Don't hang out with them if you're anxious around them. That's normal. Because they do that to you, they do that to people. So annoying. Somebody said, how do you look confident around boys? Because my first instinct is to call myself ugly. Well, for one, you are not ugly, so shut up with that. I don't want to hear it, but God, I've struggled with this. I actually still struggle with this. I like can't accept compliments. I have a really hard time with that and like I have a really hard time with like not being self deprecating in front of guys. Like, I only know how to be self deprecating in front of guys. It's like a huge coping mechanism for me. I think that stems from the fact that, like in high school, I was never like the choice of the boys. You know? I wasn't like the talk of the town for the boys in high school. I don't blame them. I was, you know? I wasn't really very special at the time because I was just doing what everybody else was doing. And I also was a late bloomer. So I looked seven years old when I was a freshman in high school. So I get it, but I think that because I wasn't like. The girl that everybody wanted to talk to in high school, it's kind of made me. Have a little bit of I still have some confidence issues from that when it comes to guys, because I'm like used to being the one that no one never chose. So then now if like a guy talks to me or gives me attention or like compliments me or does anything, I'm like. Are you sure about that? Because. You probably are lying because. Nobody liked me in high school. So why are you? Why do you like me now? Why do you like me? What's different? Yeah, this has never happened before, so why are you giving me attention? Umm. I have a huge. I have that. I struggle with that a lot. I'm still working on that. I think that. It's like catching yourself when you're doing it type of thing. You know if you see yourself if you are about to say something like. If I've, I've gotten better about somebody, like complimenting me. Or saying something nice and then me just being like, thank you instead of being like, no, **** you, that's not true, you know? And when it comes to like, acting confident in front of guys, just like. Act like they're your friend, you know what I mean, and just try to talk to them like they're one of your friends. And. Be yourself and just take the pressure off and just be like, you know what whatever happens here. I don't care. Just try to have the I don't care mindset and just be like. If this dude doesn't workout or like if this dude doesn't think I'm cool or whatever. I'll find another one whatever, and just kind of put put it all on the table. It is really scary though, and I think that something I've done I mean usually when I. If I like, let's say like. In. Going to hang out with someone that's a guy. I'll usually bring friends with me. Not really, but like not anymore. But I used to do that. I would bring friends with me so that, you know, then they bring their friends that, like, it's not as awkward. Like you have a group thing going and you can kind of. Build a relationship with that person without the pressure, and then when you go and hang out with them individually or whatever, then it's like not awkward. But being confident in front of guys is really hard and I'm still struggling with that to this day. And at least in the beginning, like when you first meet a guy. Whether it's a friend or somebody that you're interested in romantically, this could also go anyway. This could go also for girls and whoever like just somebody that you're romantically interested in. It's really. Nerve wracking and like it's hard to be full of yourself. But. It all comes with time. OK. Last question of the day, actually I want to look to see if there's anymore that we're good that I missed. OK, I found a few more that were really fun. You guys asked the best ******* questions. If you ever want to ask me questions for the podcast. I tweet the topics every week on at AG podcast on Twitter. Check it out if you want to participate a little bit, but anyway. So I have four more now that are really, really good. This is going to be a long episode, it looks like, which is fun and different. Fun, fun, fun, fun. Advice on how to regain confidence and trust in others after being hurt by people who are very close to you. God, I've been through this. I've totally been through this. And it is so. It's so tough because when you put all of your love and trust into like, some friends, for example, and they end up tearing you down or not being good friends, or they do something to **** you over. It makes you lose your faith in humanity a little bit and you're kind of like, Oh my God, like. How am I supposed to ever trust anybody again? What I found. Is that you have to remember that. No two people are the same. Right. This is something I struggle with, but you you have to try not to bring. Your past. With you when it comes to stuff like that, because. Just because somebody did that to you doesn't mean that somebody won't, doesn't mean it might happen again. Sadly, yes. But. Now you know to be a little bit more careful. That's something positive that you can take with you. Be careful, but still be open and meet new people and let someone prove you wrong. I found that that really helps. Like. If you kind of open up and try to meet new people and you let somebody prove you wrong and you let somebody show you that good people exist, that really helps. Especially with relationships too. I mean, if you've been in, you know this, this isn't with both. Like, if you date someone and let's say they cheat on you or something, it's really hard to go out there and date again because you're like, well, how am I supposed to ever think the same way now? Like now I'm. Now that's the only way I can think, but you have to remember that. The new person that you're talking to. It's a clean slate. Let them in their actions. Paint a picture of who they really are. Don't take your past people that you've experienced. And and let them paint the picture. Does that make sense? Like don't. Allow the people that have hurt you. Paint the picture for the new people in your life, because those people might be the most amazing people that you ever meet. And maybe they won't. Maybe they're ****** and maybe you'll just have to keep trying. But try to find somebody who can prove you wrong and be open to that, but also have your guard up a little bit and be careful for your own safety. But. But also don't like. Just be open minded. You'll get through it regardless if somebody ends up. ******* you over again. You will be able to get through it, but I can also guarantee that if you keep looking, you'll find people that make you believe. Entrust again and make you believe in yourself. And you're worth even though your words should not be dependent on what other people think of you. But like, I also understand that those two things can be connected. If somebody you know does something to **** you over, it can make you question yourself. And it would be stupid to say that that doesn't affect it. So you get what I'm saying here. Somebody said why is it that the only person I'm comfortable around is my mom? I even find it hard to be myself around my friends or even my sister. Why is that? I think that. It's so normal to, like, be really comfortable with your parents. Not for everybody. I mean, everybody has a totally. Some people are not comfortable their parents at all. But I can relate to this where I am definitely my most authentic self in front of my family. Like my parents, not like my whole family, but my mom and my dad. Because. I know that the love from them is unconditional. And I know that they would accept me no matter what. And I know that I don't have to fear that relationship. I don't have to worry about that relationship. Them walking away because they're my parents and I mean, I'm really grateful that I have that type of relationship with them because I know that that's. Everybody has such a different story and such a different situation with their parents and all of that. But I think that if you have one, let's make this more broad. If you have one person that you feel really safe with, that you feel like you're truly yourself with them and not with anyone else, that's probably because you don't worry about that relationship going anywhere. You feel confident in the status of the relationship, and you don't think that that person would just get up and leave you because you trust them. And I think that that's really normal, and I think that's really special. To have that type of relationship with somebody. Maybe make it a goal to try to find more people that you trust in that way, so that. You can feel free to be yourself, around others you know, and around more people than just your mom. Find people that give you a similar energy to your mom that like make you feel safe and comfortable like that. Last question, do you have that person, an individual or a certain type of person that you just cannot make convo with and your mind goes blank with nothing at all? Yes, I kind of mentioned this earlier, but it's people that. Are like really? Judgmental and cold when you first meet them. I really struggle with that. Because I'm like, oh **** they don't like me. So, like, how do I? How am I supposed to? Start a convo with this person when it's very clear that they don't even really wanna have a combo with me. So I totally understand that and that's super uncomfortable, but just remember that that's not your fault and like, you know. Maybe you just need to go talk to someone else, but I I do know I have dealt with people like that and it always makes me so uncomfortable and it makes me like, question myself. I'm like, God, am I just like, not doing a good job here? Like, I don't know, but usually it's not you, you know? And even if it is, who cares? You? Yolo, Yolo. And on that note, I've been recording for way longer than normal. An hour and 20 minutes. That's ******* crazy. I hope you guys all enjoyed this episode. I love you all so much and I really appreciate you guys coming back every week and listening. To me, ramble about random **** if you have any ideas of topics that you want me to talk about or you want to participate in the. Question element of this podcast. At a G podcast on Twitter, I tweet the questions. I tweet the links to the podcast. It's a great place to go for resources there. Yeah, I love you all. Have an amazing rest of your day. Morning, night, evening. Week month. Enjoy your month. I love you all. Keep it real. Well we're here with Phil talking about what's new with heart Nissan. Phil what are some good reasons somebody should buy now. That's a great question. We all know that car shopping can be an overwhelming process. Plus people are uncertain about a lot these days. Part Nissan recognize that. So we rolled up a heart rewards program. All new and pre-owned vehicle purchases. Get one year identity theft protection 3 Virginia State inspections and multi point inspections. One year tire Rd Hazard with roadside assistance, a three day vehicle exchange and. Every purchase or service earns heart rewards points. That's a ton of stuff. It's amazing. Offering all those benefits. It can really save people a lot of headaches and of course, money. Exactly. And we have even more savings right now. Get 0% financing on all new and certified pre-owned Nissan in our inventory. Phil, thanks so much for coming in. Hartnissan.com right, you got it. Heartnissan.com or check us out in the Apple App Store or Google Play Store. Use your head and trust your heart maximal finance $20,000 for 60 months with your one credit approval with MC. Dear full details.