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I keep like sitting down and I'm like welcome back to stupid genius and it kind of. Actually makes me a little bit sad that I'm never going to say that again, but I'm very excited because this is the first episode and it's kind of scary, but it's very exciting. I think I'm a little bit scared. To start a new podcast because. It's, it's kind of. You kind of feel like you failed the first time. When something doesn't work and you have to reroute, it's very easy to be like, Oh well, I ******* failed. So why would I want to do it again? Like, why would I want to try again? Because although the podcast, a lot of people really like the podcast, some people hated it, some people loved it. As everything works in life, I felt like I failed because. I stopped enjoying doing it and it was a concept I was super excited about. It was something I worked really hard on and yet like I lost passion for it in less than a year. And that sucks *** because. It's hard not to think that you. Shouldn't like you shouldn't do it anymore or whatever, but I don't care. I got back on the horse and I was like, I don't care, I'm going to try again. And so we're back with anything goes. We're actually, we're not back because I this is the first episode we're here with anything goes and if you kind of want to know how this podcast is going to be structured, I will share. So basically. What we're going to do is every episode we're going to have an overarching topic and then we're going to talk about it. So whether I have advice on it, stories about it, whatever commentary or thoughts I have on said topic, I will share. And then at the end I'll answer questions about the topic and just whatever questions you guys have. Because I love answering questions from people like I I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm just a narcissist or something. I don't think I am because I feel like I'm too aware of when other people are narcissists. So I don't think I am one that's a topic for another day, but. I like, I love answering questions that people have about things, like it's my favorite thing to do. Maybe it's just because I like to hear my own voice. I don't know. But that's how this podcast is going to work. It's going to be very open-ended, very chill. But I have a pet peeve about people who explain things. For longer than needed, when they could just do the thing that they're going to do. Instead, does that make sense? And so then they just start talking like, oh, this is what I'm going to do when they could just be doing it and everybody would catch on. So basically, I'm going to stop doing that and we're just going to get into our first episode and our first topic. I'm going to get comfortable. Our first topic today is failure. Because. I think it's a very important topic to discuss and. I'm very hard on myself. I'm very hard on myself for everything that I do, and so I've felt the feeling of failure bazillions of times in my life, as everybody has. But I think that I feel failure even when it's not necessary or like warranted, if that's the right word. So I want to get into it. First I want to talk about. My podcast a little bit. And like how that happened, like why we're here, why I wanted to reroute, whatever. Not that anyone really cares, but I feel like it's kind of a valuable lesson. There's a valuable lesson to be taken from that process. So basically. I started my podcast last year around April Ish, and I was super excited. I wanted to make a podcast that had structure that was like had a purpose, that was educational. Like, I wanted it to be useful in a sense because I feel like a lot of the stuff I do is not really useful necessarily. It's not like you go home learning a new fact. And I was like, I want to do something where I feel like people are going to go home and they're going to have learned something unless they're already at home. Then they were at home and they learned something like I wanted. Somebody to have something tangible to walk away from the podcast with. So that's why I structured the podcast around a science question. So I'm learning. They're learning. It's a win win, but. After time went on, I just. Felt like I started to feel like I wasn't even interested in the stuff I was talking about and what I really wanted to be talking about was. My ******* thoughts. And so I felt so uninspired and I remember I'd be driving to record my podcast and I'd get so anxious because I'd be like. How can I, like, I love the format of podcasting, but I don't really, like, love doing this exact thing. How do I make myself love it? Like, can I? So I would go in and I'd try and I would try to talk about things that were more interesting to me and I did like that more, but I still like, wasn't in love with my podcast. I wasn't really even that proud of it because I didn't feel like it was something that I was. In love with and. That's something that I've struggled with, with all of the stuff I've put out is like truly feeling like I love what I'm putting out there like. Really being proud of it. And I did not feel like that was stupid genius at a certain point in the beginning, totally. But towards the end, no. And it started to really upset me because I was feeling like I was failing. I was like. I'm a ******* failure. I can't even do a podcast in like it, like it seems so simple. Why can't I just go in, record it, enjoy the process, and then go home and shut up and not think about it? But it was upsetting me because I felt like it wasn't. I felt like I failed at it anyway. Long story short, this part this new podcast is just going to be me repeating myself for an hour straight, so we should actually rename it to Emma repeating herself for an hour straight podcast. I will be sending this to my team and for further review, but. Anyway, I took it all into consideration and I was like, I'm going to take a break from podcasting. I took a break, I took a few months off, and I ended up deciding I still loved doing podcasts and I love listening to podcasts. So I'm not going to quit, OK, I'm going to. I'm just gonna reroute. There's no need to give up when something doesn't work. It's all about if you like it, you just have to. It's OK to readjusting and. Kind of rethinking is not failure. It's like, but I really didn't want to believe that I was like, if I rewrite this whole podcast, I failed. But that is not true. And now here we are and I feel really good and I don't feel like a failure and I'm excited and I'm glad that I didn't let my feeling of being super. Just negative about the fact that the first round didn't go as I planned. Like, I didn't let that affect me to the point where I just was like, I don't even want to do a podcast at all because there was a point there where I felt like that, but I decided. To keep going and now here we are. Clothes are one of the many ways that we express ourselves and we're constantly switching up our wardrobes. To reflect our interests and styles. But one thing that is a little bit more difficult to switch up is our glasses. Until now, because now with pair eyewear. You can have a different frame every day, OK? With pair eyewear, you start with a chic pair of glasses, right? That look great just by themselves, but they have a special secret. Which is that they have at little. Magnet inside so you can snap on. A cool frame on top of your existing glasses. I got the crystal clear Reese base frame which is just a really chic pair of all clear glasses. The frame is clear obviously the lenses are clear and I got a tortoise frame and a Plaid frame so I can now it. Basically I have 3 pairs of reading glasses now. There are so many options, iconic base shapes and then all sort of frames to go on top retro classic neon sparkle. You'll definitely find your vibe I also love. Buying from a brand that really, really cares and pair provides glasses to a child in need for every pair that you buy. Get glasses as ever, changing as you are with pear. Go to pair eyewear.com/emma for 15% off your first purchase. That's 15% off at PAIR eyewear.com/emma. What does it really take to make in New York City when you're young? The come up is a new freeform docu reality series on Hulu. It follows 6 ambitious creative 20 somethings in NYC as they break the status quo and take up all the space. It's a real look into how this next generation of icons are breathing life back into the downtown scene, all while pursuing their dreams, which is a long way of saying they're killing it. The show follows Sophia, a breakthrough photographer who shot her first spread for nylon at just 13 and has been shooting major campaigns ever since. Fernando Modeling's next international star, Tawfiq, the youngest fashion designer to show at New York Fashion Week, Claude, a New York native and aspiring actress. Ben arising, entertainer from Texas and a newbie to New York City, and Ebon, a trans rights activist and fixture of New York underground nightlife. This is now or never. With big goals and even bigger ceilings to break through, they'll need to bust their ***** to chase their dreams. It's time to hustle free forms the come up new episodes Wednesdays on Hulu failure. OK, so like, obviously you know when you fail a test set school? That's ******. I mean, I could go on about that all day. It's like. If you fail a test at school, I wish that. Now that I'm not in school anymore, I wish that I could tell myself when I was a child that. You could fail every ******* test that you take for the rest of your life. But as long as you're doing your best and your. Like and you're just trying as long as you're trying. Even if you there's some, there's a solution. There's like a way to get to your end goal no matter what, like even if you failed every single test. You could find a way to get a college education if that's what you wanted, and you could find a way to get a job. And there's you could find a way to do this, and you could find a way to do that. It's like the little mundane little failures in day-to-day life. Never they don't matter in the bigger picture. But I when I was in school, I used to literally sleep 4 hours a night and would cry myself to sleep every night so afraid that I was going to fail one test, because mainly it would crush my ego. And I think that's the biggest thing about failure is that it's an. Ego crush and. That's stupid. I'm still trying to figure this out though, because something happened. Well, not recently, but something within the past four years happened to me for the first time, that was. The biggest feeling of failure I've ever felt. But it's weird because people don't talk about this type of situation as being a failure, and that's when a relationship or a friendship doesn't work out. Like let's say you have a breakup or you and a friend don't work out. Like it just doesn't work out. You're stopping friends, whatever, when a relationship like that. Comes to an end. I would argue that that's actually one of the biggest feelings of failure, like because that's happened to me so many times within the past, let's say, four years here. It's crazy. How? You can do nothing wrong. I think there's more. Actually, there's more is actually for like dating. Like if you're dating somebody and you break up like it's crazy how even if you did nothing wrong and you and that person just weren't meant to be together, it still feels like such a failure and such a kick in the *** to your ego. Because. You're like, Oh my God, I was planning my future with this person, whether it's your friend who you wanted to be your bridesmaid or your significant other who you wanted to marry, right, and have a family with, whatever. And when that fails, you're like, Oh my God. I. Now I'm back to being single. I failed. Like, you feel like a relationship with somebody else not working out is a failure. I hate. I just had this realization the other day because, you know, I go through this all the time. I'm, you know, I'm friends with some people that I'm not, that I am. Like, whatever, it's like that's part of being a teen girl. And so it's hard not to feel like I've just always beat myself up about it. Being like, this is my fault. I'm a ****** person, even if I did nothing wrong. And I was the best friend. Like I did something wrong. I'm not somebody that people want to be friends with, or I'm not somebody that people want to date. I'm like, I'm, you know, ****** to be around, you know? I must be so not self aware that that's why. These relationships failed. And I've blamed it all on myself and thought of the relationship ending as being a failure. That is not the case. And I just realized this literally this week. I'm not even kidding you. I realize this this week it is not unless you did something terribly wrong. Even then, it's still not a failure because. Well, either you weren't supposed to have that person in your life #1, which is probably the case, or #2. Now you've learned that treating somebody the way you treated them if you say treated them badly because we have to hit both sides here now, you're not going to probably do it again because you learned your lesson and you now know. That that's not how you treat a person, and you're hopefully gonna learn from the feeling that you're feeling now, failure and you're going to do better next time. That's not a failure, although you're feeling it, it's not. And on the other hand, if it didn't work, it's probably the other ******* person, and you didn't want them in your life anyways, but in the moment, it's so hard not to. Blame yourself. And that's been something that has affected my self-esteem. So ******** as even if I am like, you know what? This person's not healthy to have in my life. I'm going to, I'm going to remove them from my life. Even if it's been my decision, it still is a huge it's ****** ** myself esteem, because then I. And like. Sitting at home by myself that night and I'm like. You know, am I ever going to have it like, is anything? Am I ever going to have a healthy relationship with anybody? Like, that's broad, OK, like, am I ever going to have that? You will, actually. I don't know. I mean, I I don't know. I still am one like, I still. I know I will. For me personally, and for all of you. It's easier to speak about you guys, though. I know you guys will me, I'm not so sure. But that's the problem is that that's how you feel about yourself. It's a lot easier when you're looking at somebody else's life, you can say that, but when it's your own, it's a lot harder. So moral of the story is I think we all need to ******* chill about failing like. We all need to really, really try to see the positive side of all of these little daily failures because I know for me they add up and then it's like this weight on my back. And I'm still trying to learn how to not let that get to me. But I think the key is, is that once you waited out a few months and you see why that failure was a positive thing, it was just so dumb. Every ******* life coach probably said that before, but. Then you can kind of see why it happened. And then it all makes sense. Whenever something ****** is happening, I always. Just tell myself I'm like, in a few months I'm going to know why this happened to me. I'm gonna see why this happened. I'm going to see why, and it always happens. Let me try to think of a good example of that. OK, I have a great example. This is very this is not really failure as much, but it's more just like an unfortunate event that ended up leading to something. That was so much better. So I was supposed to go to New York this weekend because my friends were in New York and I was like, really ******* lonely. And I was like. I want to go to New York just to like hang out with my friends, OK? And I was trying to book my flights on JetBlue, whatever and I spent an hour trying to book these flights and it wasn't working. Every single time I use like 3 different credit cards. I was like refreshing the page using a new browser like I was doing everything I could and it would stay at this like loading screen once I would press like confirm and it would not work. It would just not work. And I've never had anything like that happen to me. Before. I tried on two different computers. I could not figure it out. The whole website was crashed. I was like, what the ****? So I ended up just being like, you know, I guess I'm not going to go then because I literally can't book my flight. And they're getting really, the flights are getting really expensive and I'd have to leave in like 2 days. I guess I'm just not going to go because if I try to book tomorrow, all the flights are going to be up by 300. I'm just not going to do it. So I was like, **** this, I'm not doing it. So I ended up staying home and I was like, I'm going to be so ******* bored and lonely. I ended up being invited to an event. That, you know, and I'm pretty antisocial. I don't really go out, don't really go to events, don't really do anything. But I decided to go to this event and I ended up meeting a lot of, like, ******* really cool people. That I wouldn't have met and like very valuable experiences like I had very. I met like a lot of really cool people that I really would like to be friends with, even, which is rare for me because I don't really. I tend to live a very isolated life and sometimes I prefer like that. But I ended up meeting really ******* cool people and if. And I was really upset when JetBlue wasn't working and I couldn't book my flights. I was very upset. I was like, I'm going to be bored now. All my friends are in New York, I'm obsessed with New York now. I'm going to be home alone, but see what ended up happening. I ended up going to this event that ended up. You know, allowing me to meet really cool people that I wouldn't have met otherwise. And. That's ******* special, because seeing how like that led to that. It kind of just proved it like it was like a metaphor for me of like, OK. You got to kind of just trust a little bit, you know what I mean? Like when you fail or when something doesn't work, you just have to trust and wait. And if you wait and if you're patient, it will make sense. With this is just referring to most things. So that was really a lot. I don't know. That was kind of depressing. So now I'm going to try to think about something non depressing, but it's like, OK Emma, can we ******* like? Let's clean it up. Let's have some fun. I need to have some fun. I have some friends and family members who wear contacts, and honestly, I can't imagine how much of a pain it must be to always have to go to the eye doctor, go in for unnecessary tests. When you know that your prescription hasn't changed. It's so time-consuming and so stressful. I truly can't imagine one 800 contacts has been making people's lives so much easier and delivering contact lenses for 27 years. They make getting contacts super fast and easy. Even if you have a really strong prescription, all you have to do is order the same contacts you would get from your doctor. Just look on the side of your contacts box for that info. You can order online, over the phone, or with their app, and they ship them fast and free to your home. You can even renew your prescription. Mind using their express exam and there are so many benefits to going through one 800 contacts. They guarantee if you find your contacts at a lower price elsewhere, they'll beat it. And I mean, who doesn't like to save a little money? Speaking of which, new customers can get extra discounts when you check out their site, and their 24/7 customer support is so helpful that it's award-winning. So let one 800 contacts get you the contact lenses you need. Order online at one 800 contacts. Dot com let me think about what I've been up to. So I took a break from podcasting for 2-3 months to three months. And. I haven't really been doing anything and. It's kind of an issue and I'll explain. And maybe I can even read. Maybe you guys can even give me advice. Like, literally, you can tweet the you can tweet the Twitter at AG podcast. OK, just let me know. I I have this issue I want to vent about. This is in the same vein as failure, because I kind of feel like I'm a failure of a human being because of this. I promise not every episode will be depressing, but I want. Why not start it out a little bit emo and a little bit Goff? OK, because there was not a lot of that on super genius. So we're really going to start this out a little. Well, we can always go out from here, though it could always get a little bit more heartwarming, and it will, although I think I said some heartwarming stuff anyways. So I have this issue and I I hope that some of you guys can relate so. Because I didn't go to college. Very good. My God. Controversial topic alert. ****. Maybe we'll talk about that one episode. Actually, that's a great topic for this episode. Great. OK, we'll talk about that next. Anyways, because I didn't go to college. I. Like, skipped a step of life, right? And I kind of skipped straight to working OK and in theory that's kind of great. It is great. I'm very grateful that I. That this is what you know the cards were for me and I enjoy working and that's. Great, but. I. Never got to have that college experience where you're super social. You know? Maybe you're in a sorority. I would have never ******* done that, just knowing my personality wouldn't have worked. But, you know, going to parties, going to. Different types of like college events being in class every day, like I skipped that step and because of that. From the time I was 17 and I moved out to now, I've been so isolated, OK? Like, I literally see nobody I do. I rarely ever leave my house. I'm home all the time when I'm home. I'm like not doing anything like I'm in bed, but then when I'm like, you know, but I'm spending most of my day, like, working on stuff that's like, whatever, whether that's making videos, podcasts, you know, doing a shoot like, whatever that may mean that day. That's what I'm doing during the day. And then by the time that I get home, I'm tired. And then I exercise usually at some point during the day or else I get like, I need to release some endorphins. Like my only, it's like, it's like my drug. It's like my healthy drug, right? That's great. But then by the time I get home, I don't really want to see anyone because I'm so tired and like drained from talking to people all day and then. I. Like and then I don't wanna cook, so then I'm not being productive. I don't wanna cook. And then. Like, I don't want to do anything like hobby wise because I'm so like mentally exhausted that all I want to do is like lay in bed and watch tick tocks. So I feel like I don't have any hobbies, which then in turn makes me a little bit less interesting of a human being. Like I feel like I don't have as much to talk about during a conversation with somebody because I don't do anything. Does that make sense? And I it like really bothers me, but I do do a lot of stuff and I'm tired, but I don't do anything that's like a hobby. And so like. Like I don't have any hobbies I don't like. Do any like, I don't like, not a skateboard, I don't know how to draw. I mean, I like, I buy things sometimes. Like I bought a skateboard once and was skateboarding on for a little bit and then I got like bored of that because I thought I was going to hurt myself, so whatever. Oh my God guys, it's my cat calling. Leave that in like I I don't. I don't have the energy to kind of get any hobbies. But I think my lack of hobbies makes me a little bit, maybe a little bit more sad than I would be otherwise. So what I'm trying to figure out is. What the ****? Like, how do you? I feel like I'm cornered because I'm like, I want to, like, do more things with my life that are fulfilling, yet I'm so exhausted by the end of my day that I don't have any. I don't have the capacity to do those things, so I'm going to try to figure out that balance. I'll let you know if I figure it out. I'd bet a lot of you guys have that problem as well. I have been trying to cook a little bit. But I mean, that's not a hobby when I'm cooking. It's not a hobby when I'm cooking. It's like I'm warming up a tortilla and then I'm putting beans in cheese and vegan cheese and salsa and vegetables and then I'm eating it and it's delicious. But it's not really cooking because I didn't do anything. I just slapped pre-existing things together. I did also make myself vegan Mac and cheese the other day. I ate the entire. Part of it and it was so good, but I actually think my stomach is still hurting and I literally ate it like 4 days ago and it was vegan like it's not even dairy. I think it was just the the volume just destroyed me. So anyway. That's my area of failure. But now we'll talk about that's like how I feel like my day-to-day life, I'm like. Trying to figure that out, but I'm not gonna give up. Maybe I'll paint tonight. It could happen. I bought a lot of painting supplies off Amazon like these. Really cool. Like very opaque. Watercolors, which doesn't make sense, cause water colors are usually clear, but these are like really thick and like satisfying to use. So I might use those tonight, might **** around. We'll see what happens. And then I also bought these pens that are called Posca pens and they're like paint pens and really fun to draw with. So maybe I'll make some art and maybe I'll become a ******* artist like my father. It all, it all runs in the family. My dad also surfs, so maybe I'll have him teach me to surf one day, because honestly, that would really help me #1 find a boyfriend and #2. It would be fun. I think I would enjoy it because I love the ocean, so I'll keep you updated. From that how I end up doing with my hobbies and trying to find some. OK, so I've told you guys about circle before, right? Spelled CIRKUL. Circle was created for people like me, OK, who don't drink enough water every day circles basically this water bottle with over 40 flavor cartridges that make drinking water way more tasty. The flavors cover all the bases. They have fruit, punches, iced teas. Some even have caffeine or electrolytes, but there's no sugar, there's no calories, and there's no artificial flavors. My favorite flavor is strawberry Kiwi. And my favorite thing about it is I love how the dial on the cartridge lets you choose how much flavor you get per sip. All you have to do is twist the dial to a certain number for how much flavor that you want and you're ready to go. So the cool thing about it is that you can put the cartridge on. And you can set it to whatever setting you want. So you could set it to a setting where when you take a sip of water, it just tastes like water, so there's no flavor added. But if you're in the mood to add some flavor, you can twist it a little bit. And then you have a super flavorful sip. Right now Circle is giving all of my listeners. Up to 35% off their order, plus free shipping on all orders of $15 or more. Plus, as an added bonus, we're throwing in my favorite flavor, strawberry Kiwi, for free. Just visit drink circom Emma. That's drink CIRUL com Emma to get this limited time offer today again, that's drinkcircle.com/emma. But now let's talk about me not going to college. Because this is a huge. Like this was one of the other big times I've felt. Like a ***** ** **** before, but not but not fairly. I didn't need to feel like a ***** ** ****. Let's let's dig in. So let's throw it back to 2017. I start my YouTube channel. And started it in the beginning of summer. By the time I went back to school, I had about 100,000 on YouTube, which was kind of crazy, and I didn't really know what that meant for me. And it was junior year, and, you know, I'm going to school doing my thing and I got really depressed because it was too much work to do. Not even too much work, but I well, I mean, it was too much work because I was taking all AP's and honors while also, you know, having already having YouTube kind of, in a sense, as a job at that point where I was making my own money. So I was kind of supporting myself but still living with my parents. And so it was like this weird balance. And I was like, OK, I need to drop all of my hard classes. So I dropped all of my hard classes, which was a huge blow to my ego. That felt like a failure within itself because I was like somebody who had, you know, had been such a hard worker. School to drop all of their AP and honors classes because they were overwhelmed felt like a huge failure. And it was such it hurt me so bad, especially the area I grew up in. I'm like a few miles away from Stanford, the college, and it's like super ******* rigorous. Everybody's like, you know, Oh well, you don't have a 5.0. Well, good luck going to college. Oh, you know, your parents didn't put you into this tutoring program. Sucks to be stupid. I think that's exactly the vibes of my school. I felt like. And so, you know, dropping all my AP and honors classes, Oh my God, I I beat myself up over that, which is so stupid because my mental health was struggling at so bad. And yet I was, like, mad at myself for dropping classes that were, you know, creating 4 hours of homework per night. Mind you, I had five of those classes. Doesn't add up. Hello. And so, and I'm beating myself up. For taking easier classes. When I was literally on the verge of ******* death, it felt like, and I was mad at myself. I was like, you're such a ***** ** ****. You're such a loser. You're never going to make any money. You're going to. You're like, you know, you're never going to be able to support yourself. You're never going to be able to do this or that. And like, that's how I felt and. Yet it was like at the point where like, if I didn't drop those classes, I was going to literally need to go to the hospital because I was losing my ******* marbles anyways. So, and mind you, I'm also doing YouTube at the same time as my only escape and hobby slash way for me to make money because I was relying on my parents before that. So then, you know, it got to a point where my like, mental health was so bad. I was like. I need to leave school. I can't do this anymore. I couldn't always figure it out. I can, you know, if I want to go to school, there's lots of options for me to go to school down the line. This is not the end of my schooling. If it doesn't want, if it's open, it's open. Like, am I going to be able to go to Stanford if I leave school right now? Now? Did I want to go to Stanford in the 1st place? **** now. So who cares? I just, you know, at the end of the day for me was about. You know, being happy long term, I realized that. And I was like. If I if I leave right now. You know it does close a few doors. But my quality of life is going to improve a lot, so let's do this ****. So I took the test. It's called the chess piece, and I graduated early and as a junior. So then I was out of school and I was like, if I ever want to go back to, I mean, I would never go back to high school because I technically got whatever. But let's say I wanted to go to college, you know, down the line I could. Potentially test into go. I don't know. I don't remember how that whole **** works, but like, I could go to college eventually if I wanted to. So that door wasn't closed. I was like, I just need to. Get my **** together a little bit and. That was that. So. And I was planning on maybe doing online school, but that obviously didn't have it. Sorry guys, sorry to ******* disappoint. So now let's talk about the response I got when I left school. So first let's talk about how my Catholic all girls school responded. They told me that. From what I can remember, I can't remember it perfectly, but they're basically saying along the lines of like, you know, basically tell me, telling me I was making a huge mistake and that. You know, I was, I was closing a bunch of doors and that I was like, they're basically trying to tell me I was going to become a loser. And this is all just my opinion. That's how I felt. Don't want to get sued. This, that was kind of how I felt that they were. That's what I felt like they were implying in my opinion, in my opinion, in my opinion, in my opinion, in my opinion. Once you say it, in my opinion you will not get sued, and that is what I've learned. So anyway, so that's how I felt from them, from my family. I think it was a little bit mixed. Some people were just kind of like, how is that going to work? You know, my parents were very much on board. I won't get into my family too much, but you know, there are some bumps in that road as well. And just with like, people not understanding, like people just automatically assume. That if you don't go to college and if you don't follow the exact. Steps that were supposed to follow that you're then a failure. And I started to believe that about myself too. I started to think. Oh **** like. You know, the first few months after I left, I was like, Oh my God. I don't regret this at all. Like, this was exactly what I needed to do. But like, I feel like everybody around, everybody around me, looks at me and thinks that I'm like a failure. And like, I don't know, I felt like such **** about myself because everybody was judging me and a lot of people were saying that. You know, I was a loser and **** people from my hometown, hometown and stuff. But here's what I've realized about that, something that I learned from that, and this is broad, this doesn't necessarily, I'm not telling you to, you know, graduate early from school or whatever. I'm not saying not to go to college. I'm not saying college is bad. I think college is actually really great. Just wasn't for me. And that's ******* fine. And I'm not gonna apologize for it either. I spent so much time apologizing, being like I'm sorry. Like I'm sorry. I know I don't. I know I didn't go to college. I'm sorry. No, I'm not ******* sorry anymore. That's OK. Because why? You know. Like that wasn't my path. And at the end of the day, like, you know. If you can find a way to to make money and support yourself on your own. And you don't need necessarily a college education for that specific path that you're taking. You do not need to apologize for that as long as you're working hard at whatever you're doing and you're. Doing everything in your. Power. To. You know, make yourself as successful in whatever you're doing as you can be, then that's not a failure, and that's nothing to apologize for as long as you're being smart and as long as you're being responsible. That's a success in my eyes, and that's great. Like, I don't see an issue. I I'm kind of now I'm like all mad. I'm like, **** all the people that like, we're mad at like that. We're giving me **** about knowing not going to college. Because that's just like, so not anybody else's place either. Like, you know, judging somebody else for not going to college, judging somebody else for not. You know, taking the that, that obvious path or whatever, it's just like, it's just such a dated mentality. And I understand because a lot of people, a lot of jobs you do need to go to college. I'm sorry. I wouldn't want somebody, you know, when I had to ******* kidney biopsy in 8th grade. Yeah, I wouldn't want some random ************ taking a chunk out of my kidney. I'm really glad that that man went to college. Thank you 100%. I'm very in spirit. I mean, like, there's an or even like, you know, my teachers when I had teachers all throughout my. In my life, I'm so glad that they went to college because they were able to, they were taught exactly how to, and they wouldn't have necessarily learned that on their own. There's no way to learn that all you know what I mean? And I can bet you that when my math teacher. Went into college to learn about math they forgot about. Every degree in every type of triangle, actually. That's kind of easy to memorize, but anyways, you know, they had **** to learn too, so I can see, you know, I understand that. That that's a great that can be a great tool and an amazing resource, and a necessary resource in a lot of in a lot of ways. But on the other hand, sometimes it's not, and that's OK, and nobody should be an ******* about it. And for that matter, nobody should be an ******* about anything. I realize there's so much like. I had this realization one day too, kind of recently. I've had a lot of realizations recently. Where it's like. Why are people not minding their own business? I am. So I just really do my best. I I get it. Sometimes people do **** that's so annoying or people do **** that you don't agree with and that's totally fine. I'm I'll be the first one to vent about that to my friends and family when people are doing things that I don't necessarily agree with but like. Why does it have to leave that bubble of friends and family when when you, you know, don't agree with with something like? It's just I I really have never been able to understand it. Like? I feel like I'm letting out every feeling I've ever had and every feeling I've ever wanted to express on the Internet all of a sudden right now. So I will probably simmer down by like, the third episode, but for now, like, I'm on X Games mode and now I'm just like, we started with one thing, now we're here. It's going to be interesting for me to listen back to this later. Who knows how it's going to make me feel? I'm probably gonna cut out the whole ******* thing. I don't know. But anyway, like. For example, like, you know, as I was just talking about like me not going to college. Why did that need to be anyone else's business in the first place? Why did it need to be? You know, I don't care if people didn't necessarily agree with it. If they thought that, well, that's questionable. You know, there's a lot of she could really fail that way. Yeah, that's true. But. And it is true. I mean, I did take a risk by not going to college, for sure. But actually, well, that's up for debate. It depends on the way you look at it. But, like, why did why did I need to be notified that everybody around me didn't approve? Like, why did why couldn't that have been kept to themselves? Don't you think that people beat themselves up enough on their own? Why? Why do you need to let the person know? Because it's so much easier to vent about it. To your close circle of friends and family where that's safe. It'll never get out to anybody. You can talk about whatever you want, you can vent, you can let loose in it this safe environment where it doesn't harm anyone. Hack, fun hack. If somebody does something that bothers me or somebody's doing something, I just call my parents. Or I'll call my best friends. I have two of them. And I'll just vent about it to them, knowing that it will never leave that safe bubble and it'll never harm anyone. And it'll never leave that bubble, and it doesn't hurt anyone, but you still get to vent about it because you need to vent about it as a human. It's. I'm not saying that sometimes you got to talk a little bit of ****. I get it, because you need to just get it out and vent so that you can be nice and like, understanding. It's like you have to talk it through almost right. Because we're human and we analyze others. But doing that within the safe environment of your friends? You don't need to do that with everybody you meet, and you don't need to do it to the person who you're thinking about. Talking about. That is not healthy, and it's not necessary unless somebody's genuinely in danger, in danger. But if they're not in danger and they're doing actually fine, maybe just don't ******* do that. So anyway. I can't tell if I'm a therapist. Or if I'm a patient of a therapist. Or if I am now a new public speaker, motivational speaker, Ted talk enthusiast. Or if I am. Who am I now on this podcast? I don't know. This is the longest podcast I've ever recorded. It's 39 minutes and I don't even know what I said the whole time. I have no idea what I said. Who knows? But I'm going to wrap it up because I feel like now I'm all in my feels and I I don't know if that's what I wanted to do with this podcast necessarily. Like, I don't know if I wanted to get all deep up in this ***** a little bit, but I did, and now we're here and honestly, I can't take it back now. So I hope you guys enjoyed. I hope that maybe I opened your mind a little bit to something. Who knows? Like maybe it made you think about something differently, changed your perspective. That's what I would hope. Next episode, let's talk about something ******* fun. Please tweet at the Anything goes podcast. The Twitter for anything goes is at AG podcast. And you can tweet us questions. You can tweet us questions or topics that you want us to talk about and if you'd rather, call us. We have a phone number and the phone number is. 5672753662 you can leave a short voicemail about a question or a topic and maybe we will use it because it's very open-ended. We don't give a **** on anything goes, anything goes. Yeah, leave me some fun topics because I feel like my brain immediately goes to the like. Insert sad music. Let's talk about failure, you know? So I'm trying to let's try to have fun next episode. Alright, I love you guys. Peace out. Have an amazing day. Ohh yeah. Subscribe to us on Apple Podcast spotifyradio.com anywhere you get your podcasts were there. Subscribe. Give us a little rating. Five stars. Never heard nobody. Stupid genius, I think had 4.5 stars that hurt my ego. Let's get it to five stars. I'm just kidding. I don't have an ego. Just kidding. I do. And we're going to talk about that and anything goes. Because it's normal and natural and it's something that needs to be discussed. I really need to ******* shut up. Goodbye. Love you all. Yeah?