Anything Goes with Emma Chamberlain

Emma prefers to share her thoughts with a microphone rather than a physical human being, so thank god she has a podcast. Recorded from the comfort of her bed, Emma talks at length about whatever is on her mind every week. Anything really does go on this podcast. Sometimes philosophy, sometimes a random story from 10 years ago, sometimes advice, and sometimes nothing at all. You never know what you are going to get, but that’s what keeps it interesting. New episodes every Thursday.

existential crisis

existential crisis

Thu, 18 Nov 2021 11:00

alright, not gonna lie, this one gets a little deep. i’ve been going through some shit, and it’s been tough. ever feel like you’re not sure what your purpose is? or what we’re all doing here? or what the meaning of everything is? you’re not alone if you have. i had a bit of an existential crisis, but it’s really helped to put things into perspective for me. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: Learn more about your ad choices. Visit

Listen to Episode

Copyright © EFC LLC.

Read Episode Transcript

Ramble. No one is slowing down in this hiring race for the best talent, and offering the right benefits may help you reward and retain your team, helping them feel valued, motivated, and ready for the future. And that can make all the difference for your business principal offers retirement and group benefit plans, customized to help you meet your goals. Your company's future depends on its people. Show them they are valued and give them the tools they need to succeed. Talk to your financial professional today about the right benefits and retirement plans from principal. And visit us at business. This message was brought to you by Principal Financial Group. But it's important to our wonderful lawyers that we share our legal name, which is the principal life insurance company, Des Moines, IA. For important information about our products, visit This episode is brought to you by Carvana. They'll drive you happy. Carvana has purchased over a million cars from Happy customers by giving them an offer within minutes, and they can do the same for you. Carvana will give you a real offer for your car within minutes. Then they'll come to pick up your car and pay you on the spot. So to get a real offer on your vehicle in minutes, download the app or visit We're getting emo today, guys, and I'm scared. Took a little break from being emo on this podcast. To talk about things that are lighthearted, such as you know what to buy your family for Christmas or. I don't know other stuff that just isn't that deep. Just because I can't always talk about deep stuff. Or else it. Sends me into orbit like it just I I can't talk about deep stuff all the time. Sometimes I just want to talk about stupid dumb. Surface level things and sometimes like that's. Necessary. You know what I mean? You can't always talk about deep stuff. Sometimes you need to talk about stuff that doesn't matter that. Is just kind of fun. And so that's what I've been doing for the past few episodes, but we're getting back into the thick of it today. We're getting a little bit emotional, we're getting a little bit emo. And. Hopefully it's fun, OK? It's actually it's not going to be fun. But hopefully it's impactful in some way, so. Yesterday. And the day before that. I had. Kind of an existential crisis. And a lot of people use that word. As an exaggeration. But I actually had an existential crisis for the past two days, and let me tell you, it's not comfortable and it's not fun. I'll read to you the definition of an existential crisis, just in case you don't know what that is. In existential crisis refers to feelings of unease about meaning, choice, and freedom in life. An existential crisis, also known as existential dread, are moments when individuals question whether their lives have meaning, purpose, or value. And are negatively impacted by contemplation, so an existential crisis can happen to you. No matter who you are. And I'm pretty sure it can happen to you whether you struggle with depression or not, but as somebody who struggles with depression actively. Occasionally when I'm having a little depressive episode. It'll turn into an existential crisis. I've recently found myself. Really trying to figure out what the reason. Of life is and I know that that sounds really morbid and dark, and in a way, it is. But. I know that I'm not the only one that struggles with this sometimes, and I think it's really important to talk about. For me. I have moments in my life where it feels like. Nothing is fun, you know? Everything feels like work. Everything feels like a chore, whether that's getting work done or being social or. Doing my chores around the house like there are moments in life when everything feels difficult, everything feels excruciating, and it feels like nothing is fun. And. Whenever I get into a phase of life where that happens and it's just all work and no play for too long. I end up having an existential crisis because I just start to feel like, OK, what's the point of life if all I'm doing is just? Making it to the next day, just surviving until the next day, you know what I mean. And just working away. On stuff just passing by, right? Like just like getting by? Turning everything in that I need to get done. On time, hanging out with people that I made commitments to weeks prior, even though in the present moment the last thing I want to do is be social, keeping my house just tidy enough. Showering just often enough, you know, like just getting by. When I have phases like that, it makes me wonder what is the point of life? If. It just feels like all I'm doing is just. Surviving like I'm not living, I feel like I'm just surviving and I'm just kind of floating by and just not even. I'm not present. I don't feel excited about anything. I don't feel exhilarated by anything. I just feel like I'm in autopilot and I'm just. A robot. I think that for me personally, what? Gets me into a cycle. Of just living in autopilot and just doing the bare minimum to get by. I think what gets me into that type of cycle is. When my anxiety is acting up a little bit and I'll explain, I'll explain why. When my anxiety is really bad, I don't want to see people. I don't want to be around people. I don't want to do things that are fun. Because. My anxiety will convince me that. Those fun. Activities will somehow like harm me in some way which I don't even know how that makes sense, but like my subconscious mind will do it so. I don't know how to explain it cause I don't even get it, like I don't know why my brain convinces me that. But I end up just. Only doing the bare minimum to survive because doing anything extra will give me anxiety. And so I just fall into a pattern of just like isolating myself and just. Being a robot and. When that goes on for too long. I'll usually hit kind of a depressive episode. And. It's because they just hit a wall. You know what I mean? I hit a wall where something will trigger me and I'll just be like, ****. And I like, wake up for a second and then I get so depressed because I'm like, I'm not even living life to the fullest. I'm literally living life like a ******* robot, you know? Like, what is the point of this? What is the point of life if I'm not living it to the fullest? And then that gives me anxiety because I'm like. OK. I need to do more **** with my life, right? Because I'm not living life to the fullest. I'm not having fun. And you know this sucks, right? I need to do more stuff, but then I think about doing stuff and then that makes me more anxious because I'm like, but I don't want to do stuff. I don't want to hang out with people. Sorry. I don't want to be around anybody. I don't want to. ******* like, sit down at my drum set and play drums. I don't wanna, you know, go to a party. Like, I don't wanna do that ****. I get caught in this dilemma where I'm like, OK, on one hand. My life sucks right now because. I'm in autopilot and I'm just doing the bare minimum to get by, and I need to do more fun stuff with my life. But then on the other hand, when I think about actually doing fun stuff, quote UN quote. The thought of that gives me anxiety and it stresses me out and I'm tired just thinking about it. So I'm like, OK, where, you know what the **** right? And then. I get into this spiral because I feel like there's no. Direction that I can go that will make me feel good and. I feel trapped in my life and I feel trapped existing in a way. And then. I'll have a meltdown. Listen, we're human. We meltdown. Sometimes I'll have a meltdown about this and just feel like, what the **** is the point of being a human being on this planet, you know, like. Life is just. Working. With moments. Shall I say, fleeting moments of joy in between, you know. Majority of our lives as human beings are spent. Doing upkeep, if you will. You know, getting our work done. Cleaning our house, you know, showering. Exercising, doing, you know, things that are necessary to. Keep us alive and like in a decent spot and then. In between that. There are short, fleeting moments of joy. Where, you know, you might do something fun, you might go to a concert, you might go shopping with your friends, you might go get lunch with your family. Like, you know, stuff like that that are enjoyable. But. Majority of the time in life it's work. You're working and and that's not necessarily a bad thing. I actually think that, you know when I'm in a good mental spot myself, like the work part of life. Is not necessarily miserable. Like it's not always miserable. It's only miserable if there aren't moments of joy in between to look forward to. I don't mind working like I like, doing mindless work and and getting things done. You know what I mean? Like. If that makes me feel good, as long as I know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, I get to, you know, go and do something fun at the end of the week or something like that. Like that's what keeps me going. But if I don't? Have anything to be excited about? Or I'm too anxious to participate in things that are quote UN quote fun. That's when I get into a little predicament. That's when things **** hits the fan. You see what I'm saying? And I know you might be thinking, Emma, you need to go to a ******* therapist. I listen. The thing is, is that with mental health struggles, with depression, all of that. Sometimes. You just have to get through it. And that's kind of what I wanted to talk about with this, right, like. Last night, you know, when I had this existential crisis where I was like, OK. My life is. Not rich with experiences. And it's not fulfilling me right. Yet things that would fulfill me will take too much energy for me to participate in. When I was in that predicament last night. I felt like there was no direction I could go and there was no solution and. In that moment the only solution. Was. To lay in bed. Watch mindless TV. And. Wait until I had the energy. To figure out a solution. In that moment, I was like, I can't come up with a solution right now. I don't know what to do. And my brain was spiraling out of control. It was going to a rational places. It was feeling like life had no purpose, you know? It sent me into an existential crisis, being like, what? What is even the meaning of life? You know what I mean? Like everything just feels pointless, you know what I mean? And I got to that spot and I was like, I don't know what to do, you know? And I felt trapped. But what I really learned was, number one, I can't. When you get to that spot, there's nothing you can do except for wait for it to pass and. That's a hard pill to swallow. You know, when you're in that headspace, you're like, I just need to get out of this now, and you might force yourself to try and do something productive or like do something whatever to try to get yourself out of it. But that'll just send you deeper into the spiral sometimes, and you just need to let it pass. And so I let it pass, and I sat in the pain of that feeling. I sat in the pain of that feeling, and I ******* let myself cry, and I let myself feel like **** for hours. But eventually it passed. And when it did, I was able to see the whole situation more clearly and. It really did get me thinking like. On a day-to-day basis, the way that you look at your life is probably in a very intimate way, you know? And everything feels so big, right? Like something as small as. Scraping your car door on a Bush might feel like the end of the world on a day-to-day basis. Or like your friend's birthday party, right? Might seem like the biggest event of the year. When you're in the moment, you know what I mean? Like in the moment, **** feels so much bigger. And and. More important. And at times we tend to get wrapped up in that. We tend to get wrapped up in the moment and wrapped up in the day-to-day. And we're not looking at the bigger picture of life, which is that we have a lot of time on this planet. And not only that, but. Being on this planet and being a human being is not easy, you know what I mean? There are going to be moments when **** sucks. There are going to be long periods of time when **** sucks. You might feel like **** for four months sometimes. But there are also going to be moments throughout your life where you feel incredible and you're on top of the world and everything is great and everything is in place and. ***** rocking. It's just fun, you know there are going to be. Phases. Throughout your life, good and bad. And. That's just simply the human condition. When you look at the bigger picture. OK, there are going to be really ****** moments, but they're going to make the really good moments extra good. When you look at it like that, you know you can comfort yourself and be like. You know, it's fine. Like, yes, **** sucks right now. But I have. Confidence that things are gonna be good again one day and this moment of pain will really, really force me to appreciate the next time I have a fun, exciting, good phase of my life. You know, when you when you are in a rational headspace, you can see life in that way. But when you're in the thick. Of a depressive episode or an existential crisis, you're looking at life. With tunnel vision, you're not looking at it from a bird's eye view, you're looking at it. Everything feels so big. Everything feels like the end of the world, you know and like. You're not able to think rationally. And unfortunately, I don't know if there's a way. To comfort yourself. In that moment, in any other way but to just. Push through that feeling and ride the wave. Wait for it to pass. Wait for your brain to return to a more rational state so that then you can look at. Life. In a broader light and you can see. OK. This is just a part of being a human. There are going to be these ****** moments when I'm just in autopilot and everything sucks and I'm anxious and I'm depressed, but also there are going to be moments when ****** good again, and that's going to be great. Clothes are one of the many ways that we express ourselves and we're constantly switching up our wardrobes. To reflect our interests and styles. But one thing that is a little bit more difficult to switch up is our glasses. Until now, because now with pair eyewear. You can have a different frame every day, OK? With pair eyewear, you start with a chic pair of glasses, right? That look great just by themselves, but they have a special secret. Which is that they have at little. Magnet inside so you can snap on. A cool frame on top of your existing glasses. I got the crystal clear Reese base frame which is just a really chic pair of all clear glasses. The frame is clear obviously the lenses are clear and I got a tortoise frame and a Plaid frame so I can now it. Basically I have 3 pairs of reading glasses now. There are so many options, iconic base shapes and then all sort of frames to go on top retro classic neon sparkle. You'll definitely find your vibe I also love. Buying from a brand that really, really cares and pair provides glasses to a child in need for every pair that you buy. Get glasses as ever, changing as you are with pear. Go to pair for 15% off your first purchase. That's 15% off at PAIR We're talking about Macy's again. My favorite one stop shop in such a beloved friend to anything goes. Macy's is the best because it really has something for everyone in every occasion. Whether it's clothes, HomeGoods, cooking Ware, whatever it may be, Macy's has something for you in the spirit of everybody having their own individual Macy's shopping experience. They're making us feel like true VIP's for the next couple of weeks because Macy's VIP sale has arrived just in time to get everything you need to cozy up this fall. From September 23rd to October 3rd, get 30% off regular sale and clearance items plus. 15% off beauty. And again, outside of beauty, that's 30% off. Pretty much everything from clothing, shoes and handbags to home decor and appliances. It's happening at Macy's. You want to know what I'm going to get? I'm going to get scarves because I really want to have a scarf. I live in California. It's only cold for like 3 months here, and it's not even that cold. Like it never snows, but I need to be leaning into the winter. Entire this year, because last year I wasn't going hard enough. So I will be picking up a few things from Macy's if you need to get some stuff for, that's You'll find what you need. I can guarantee you that. But the other thing that I learned about having an existential crisis? Is that? Having an existential crisis? Is not necessarily a negative thing. OK, because. Let's really dig into, you know, an existential crisis. What is it right? It's questioning the meaning of life. And the meaning of life for some people is very obvious, like. You know I want to. Helps save an endangered animal. Or I my my meaning of life is to start a family or, you know, whatever. Everybody has a different meaning of life, right? In a purpose. Some people throughout their life will always feel like they have a meaning and a purpose. But some of us will have moments throughout our life where we don't know what our purpose is. We don't know what our meaning of life is. And I I have moments sometimes where I'm like, I don't really know what my purpose is, and an existential crisis will force you to kind of. Think about that and be like, why am I on this planet? You know, what do I want to do? And that's actually not a terrible wake up call to have let me tell you, it is so incredibly painful. In the moment when you're dealing with. This feeling of. Meaninglessness, right? But it does force you to check in with yourself and be like, hey, OK, wait. Where can I find meaning in my life that I'm not right now, you know? What do I need to implement into my life when I have the energy? To give me meaning again and to and to make me feel like I have a purpose, you know? I honestly think that. Experiencing a sort of an existential crisis is almost like your subconscious brain crying for help, being like. We need to switch **** up. Something needs to change. We need to implement something into our lives that we don't have in our lives right now. Or we need to remove something from our lives that's sucking our energy and sucking our joy from us. It's like your subconscious mind screaming for help. Now, for me, I don't exactly know why I've been dealing with these existential crisises, right? Like, I don't exactly know yet. And I've been kind of brainstorming it, journaling about it, trying to figure it out. I don't know what it is. Yet. And that's OK, I'm I'm at a place now where I'm in a more rational headspace than I can be. Like, you know what? I don't know what it is yet, but I'm going to figure it out and it's going to be fine. I'm just gonna be patient. In the meantime. But I want to also talk about how. Dealing with a sort of existential crisis, or even a depressive episode. Can make you feel kind of crazy sometimes. You know, even talking about it to you right now, I feel kind of crazy, right? I feel like the the place that my brain went. Was irrational and it was extreme, you know, and it was. Very. Heavily emotional, right? And I felt kind of ashamed of it. I was like, ah ****. Like what? What the **** is wrong with me? Like, why? Why does my brain do this sometimes? You know, like, why? Why do I end up here? You know, like, how do I get here? Like, how did my brain spiral itself? Into this full chaos mode when nothing is really that wrong with my life. My life is actually really great. Why did I get here, you know? Is there something really wrong with me? Like, am I like really? ****** ** in the head or something like what's wrong with me? But I talked about it with my dad and he was like, no, like, this is a normal part of being a human, you know? I feel like. Having an outburst like that. Is. Your brain. Trying to tell you something and listen, that's not a scientific thing. I just feel like that. You know what I mean whenever I have these, like meltdowns or whatever. I always come out the other side with like a huge realization that I needed to have, but it's almost like in order to have these really impactful realizations. My brain has to. Inflict extreme emotion and pain on to me to get my attention so that I'll address what I need to address. And I think that that's really common. I think a lot of people deal with that. And I just, I want to tell you, you know, like. Having a sort of meltdown or existential crisis doesn't make you crazy. It doesn't make you a burden to anybody in your life if you know you decide to share your issues with someone else, like. It doesn't make you a burden, it doesn't make you crazy. It it literally just makes you human, and that's and it's there's nothing wrong. With having a really emotional reaction in life. Even if it's irrational, it's sometimes extremely necessary in order to have. A growth spurt. You know what I mean. Mentally, I really do think that. So listen. Here's my closing statement if you find yourself. In a depressive episode, specifically in existential crisis. Ride through the feeling. Let yourself cry. Let yourself feel frustrated and angry. Let yourself. Feel the pain. But know that it's going to pass, and when it does, you're going to see things in a clearer light. You're going to see that. Life is filled with ups and downs. And. Life is filled with moments. Where your purpose is clear and life is also filled with moments where your purpose is yet to be discovered and. When you have an existential crisis, it's going to force you to. Try to figure out what's missing. It's going to force you to figure out where you can find purpose. And it's not going to happen overnight. But that's OK. Because. It will come when it's ready. And last but not least. An existential crisis should remind you. That. Nothing is that serious. OK, listen, we're a bunch of ******* bundles of cells and water that are walking around on a floating rock. Nothing is that deep. Nothing is that deep. It's just, you know. When you look at life like that in an existential crisis, we'll definitely make you look at life like that. On one hand, it can be a negative thing because you're like, well, what's the point? What's the point of being a human being? Like, what are we even doing here? Like we're all just ******* on this floating rock. Why? Why? What? Why? Right? On one hand, when you're in the thick of a of an existential crisis, you'll look at life like that. But then. Once you're in a more rational headspace. You can look at the concept of human life and think that's actually comforting. There are billions of people on this planet, and we're all just on this rock. We don't even know. For all we know, we could be *******. Inside of a video game, and this is all a simulation and it doesn't matter. Listen, I know that's probably not true. I don't ******* know. But also, we don't know, you know? We don't know any. Like everybody loves to say like, no, nobody knows. First certain. You know. What's behind all of this? What's behind humankind? Like we don't know. It might be nothing, and it might be. Something that we couldn't even comprehend if we tried. You know, we as humans only know so much. I sound a little kooky now, but you you also have to understand that I'm not what I'm saying is true, OK? So don't ******* look at me like I'm a crazy idiot. You get what I'm saying? Like we don't really know. What's going on? And why we're here and how we really got here, we don't know anything for certain. We don't know what happens. When we fall asleep, we don't know. What happens when we die? We don't know any of that for certain, you know? And in the middle of an existential crisis, the thought of that can be so incredibly daunting. But in a more rational headspace, that thought should be comforting, especially for those of you who have anxiety. Like me when I remind myself, OK, this is all not that ******* serious. We are bundles of cells on a rock. Floating in space. In most of the **** that we're stressed about on a day-to-day basis doesn't matter. In it. Isn't that serious? The point of living life? Is going to be different for everybody. But at the end of the day. It doesn't really matter. We're here, OK? O let's just make it fun. Don't take life so seriously. Don't stress about the ******* small stuff. The world is so large and there's so much going on, and there are so many different people living so many different types of lives. Focus on yours. And focus on making it. The most fulfilling experience that you can. That's all you can do. OK, so if I were to host a live radio show and I could play any music I wanted, I would honestly probably have the time of my Life OK, but I'll admit I would probably end up playing. Just sad music. I don't know what it is about me, but I love sad music, OK? And so I'd probably end up playing. A lot of sad music. Specifically for the people who are listening in the car by themselves. That want to shed a tear in a good way? Well now there is a place that I or you or anyone can host a live show. Amp is the platform that allows people to come together and create live, unfiltered radio shows with whatever music or content that they love. And this is like a real show where you can have people listening live and you can pick exactly which songs to play, and you can even have fans calling in to chat while you're on air. If I had a live show, I would definitely. Have people call in and ask me for dating advice honestly, so I think I'd have to do dating advice. You know what this actually sounds like the perfect radio show. Sad music combined with dating advice, because all of the shows on AMP are run by real people. You can tell that the playlists are authentic. A playlist generated automatically just sounds different than one that an individual is controlling based on their passions and tastes. And with 10s of millions of licensed songs to choose from, everyone will find the music that appeals to them. But it's not just music. You can have a talk show, or react to news, or riff on pop culture, and that's one of the best parts about being a podcast host. You can just riff. On whatever. Excites your mind on any given day. So download AMP today in the App Store that's a amp, or ask Alexa to play amp. OK, so I've told you guys about circle before, right? Spelled CIRKUL. Circle was created for people like me, OK, who don't drink enough water every day circles basically this water bottle with over 40 flavor cartridges that makes drinking water way more tasty. The flavors cover all the bases. They have fruit, punches, iced teas. Some even have caffeine or electrolytes, but there's no sugar, there's no calories, and there's no artificial flavors. My favorite flavor is strawberry Kiwi. And my favorite thing about it is I love how the dial on the cartridge lets you choose how much flavor you get per sip. All you have to do is twist the dial to a certain number for how much flavor that you want and you're ready to go. So the cool thing about it is that you can put the cartridge on. And you can set it to whatever setting you want. So you could set it to a setting where when you take a sip of water, it just tastes like water, so there's no flavor added. But if you're in the mood to add some flavor, you can twist it a little bit. And then you have a super flavorful sip. Right now Circle is giving all of my listeners. Up to 35% off their order, plus free shipping on all orders of $15 or more. Plus, as an added bonus, we're throwing in my favorite flavor, strawberry Kiwi, for free. Just visit drink circom Emma. That's drink CIRUL com Emma to get this limited time offer today again, that's I think that a lot of people my age around 20 years old. Experience. At least one existential crisis at some point because. It's kind of a natural reaction to. Growing up, you go from being a child where you live with this kind of blissful ignorance, right? You don't have the life experience and the intelligence yet. To. Start to question things, you know you just kind of are going with the flow because. That's all you know how to do when you're a kid, but then. You know, you get a little older and you start to have to live. Real life. And. You start to find out about the scary ****. You know, like, oh **** I have to pay taxes. Oh **** I need to get a job. Oh ****. Life isn't fair sometimes. Oh ****. Human life is a very precious thing, yet nobody really knows. How or why we were created exactly to a tee, nobody really knows. It's kind of this like mystery and, you know, you start to look at life. In a more realistic way, and that can be really uncomfortable, living in blissful ignorance as a kid is so. Easy. Right. But there's a lot of great things about growing up and starting to become smarter and more aware of, you know? What the world really is, what life really is, you know? In some ways, you know, it would be amazing if. We just spent our whole lives in youthful, blissful ignorance. You know, it would be kind of amazing. But at the same time. With. Maturity. Comes wisdom. And. In a way, a deeper appreciation for things, you know, I think that. When you become an adult. And you start to. See the world in. A more realistic light, although it makes the ****** stuff. In the confusing stuff, more ****** and more confusing. It also makes the beautiful things and the amazing things. Even more amazing and even more beautiful. Like when you're a kid, you just I don't think that you can. Fully appreciate things like you can when you're an adult. And that's a really beautiful thing. As an adult, you can appreciate friendships and relationships. 10 times more than you can. When you're a kid, you appreciate art and music even more. When you're an adult, you know you appreciate. People in your life that like make your life better, you know you appreciate. Things like vacation, you know so much more. I don't know, I think that. Being an adult comes with. Really, really great things. And really, really, really hard things. Anyway, that's what I've been dealing with, OK? Hopefully. That was. Coherent. Every single time I record an episode at the end, I'm like. Let's just hope that something that I said makes sense. I really, I really end every episode like that one is the one. Like that one is the one that didn't make sense. You know, all the past ones that I wondered about? Like, do these make sense? All those were fine, but like, this is going to be the one that doesn't make any ******* sense anyway. We'll see. Let me know, but if you guys are dealing with the same thing, just know you're not alone. It's ******* tough, it's uncomfortable, but we're in this together and. And I think it's just a part of growing up. I really do. And my dad told me that. And so if my dad said that, then I'm like, oh, OK, then it's probably true because he's never been wrong before. He hasn't been wrong yet. So. That's all I got. I hope you guys enjoyed. I hope that you guys found comfort in this in some way and I really appreciate you listening. It means a lot to me. I appreciate you guys leaving reviews. On anything goes that also means the world to me. You can subscribe to anything goes on any platform that you stream podcasts, and you can follow the Twitter at AG podcast. For updates and to participate in the episode. Every once in a while. Thank you guys for listening. I appreciate you guys a lot. And I'll talk to you soon.