Listen to Episode

Read Episode Transcript

Ramble. No one is slowing down in this hiring race for the best talent, and offering the right benefits may help you reward and retain your team, helping them feel valued, motivated, and ready for the future. And that can make all the difference for your business principal offers retirement and group benefit plans, customized to help you meet your goals. Your company's future depends on its people. Show them they are valued and give them the tools they need to succeed. Talk to your financial professional today about the right benefits and retirement plans. In principle and visit us at principal.com business. This message was brought to you by Principal Financial Group. But it's important to our wonderful lawyers that we share our legal name, which is the principal life insurance company, Des Moines, IA. For important information about our products, visit principal.com/disclosures. Hi guys, welcome back to anything goes. I'm your host, Emma Chamberlain. Umm, I'm gonna regret that intro the 2nd that I listened to this back. I can feel it already. Like that one is probably going to be a little cringy, but. I'm just rolling with it. How are you guys doing? I hope you guys are doing great. I'm in my little studio in my closet with my sweet little baby Kitty, Frankie. She's so sweet. Listen to her. Oh my God, it's like we're collabing. She really loves to stay with me when I do my podcast and honestly it's very therapeutic. But. We have kind of a heavy topic today, so I'm going to start out by filling you in all my life. And then we can get into the topic. So for one, if you guys are just hopping in now and you don't really, you're not really caught up with my life. My parents were staying with me. For six weeks, my mom stayed with me for five weeks, and then my dad stayed with me for a week. And then at one point within that, I was with my dad for a week. Like, I went to, I went home and I traveled home and I was with my dad for a week. So like, I was with my dad for two weeks and my mom for four weeks, and I lived with them that whole time. And I really I love my parents so much. I have a really great relationship with them. I'm very grateful for the relationship I have with my parents, but living with other people for six weeks honestly made me a little bit depressed. And I don't know why that is, but it did. And now that they left and I'm all by myself, I feel so much better. And it's so weird because I do not know what the link is. I don't know why I feel better when I'm by myself, but it's really been. Good for my mental health to be backed by myself. I don't know what it is. I think it's that I feel the freedom to do whatever I want, like truly whatever I want. I can walk around naked, I can cook something at 2:00 in the morning. I can have people over, not really, because we're in whatever, but like the two people that I see that are safe to see. Like if I want to hang out with somebody at 2:00 in the morning, I can if I if my friend needs me to pick them up. At 2:00 in the morning, I can go do that. Like, it's so nice to have that freedom. I can be loud, I can play music until 2:00 in the morning. Like, I just feel freedom, you know? And I think that that is really good for me and my mental health. So my parents leaving has been really good. I've been feeling a lot better in general. I also feel like I'm better about doing my chores when my parents are here, because when they're here I just try to make them do it. And like, manipulate them into doing it so that I don't have to do my chores and then I just turn into like a lazy ***** ** ****. Like I I literally don't think that I. Cleaned the litter box once. The whole time my mom was here because I was like, well, she can do it and she did. And she didn't even complain. But still, it was like the fact that I was being so irresponsible and just putting all my chores on my mom, like, made me feel bad. But then again, that is her job as a mom, so whatever. And then when my dad was here, I felt bad because I was like, I should be hanging out with him and doing fun activities, but I also just want to lay in bed. It's like I felt all this unnecessary pressure, but the good news is my dad built me a drum set. While he was here, I ordered a drum set and my dad. Drove down and built it for me, so now I have a drum set in my room. It is directly next to my bed, in the most inconvenient location, but hear me out. This drum set being directly next to my bed makes me play it 50 times more than I would otherwise. The fact that it's right next to my bed is the best thing I could have done for myself. Whenever I get out of bed to go do something I like, hit the drums for a little bit. Whenever I'm about to lay in bed, I hit the drums for a little bit and I'm already improving. Like, I learned a new drum beat yesterday or no two days ago, and I'm already like, solid at it because it's right next to my bed. So it's like I it's hard for me not to want to sit down at it every time I go into my bed. So if you want to pick up a hobby, put it right next to your bed. That will really help. Unless it's something like running, then good luck. But if it's something that you can put next to your bed, put that **** next to your bed. I swear. It it's really good. I've also been thinking that I want to get back into journaling again, and it's so embarrassing because I hate talking about that corny **** but. I don't know. Like, I haven't written in a journal in a really long time, and like, probably over a year. Yeah, over a year I was consistently writing in a journal. About a year ago. And it's so interesting to read. I actually made an episode of Reading some of my journal entries, but I feel like I'm in such a better spot now that I want to know. Like, I think this would be a fun part of my life to look back on so. I think I wanna write in my journal after this. The only thing I don't like about writing in a journal is that my hand cramps. But that's also a very. Dumb reason not to write in a journal, so I don't know. I think I'm gonna start journaling again, and you guys should too, because it could be kind of fun to look back on this time and see like. What was going through our heads? I guess you know it like. It's just such a weird time. This would be such an interesting journal entry to show your kids. Also, imagine if before bed you read journal entries to your kid. I feel like kids would love that. I would have loved that if my one my from my parents. Although I'm I'm probably gonna write about **** that I don't think my kids would want to know. Like, Oh my God, I have a crush on Jeremy and I love him so much, and I hope he likes me back. Like, that's literally all he ******* right about. My brain is broken. But anyway, another thing that's going on. Last night my friend went on a date and it really got me thinking because I was like, mind you, also, she she was tested in her day was tested and so it was not. All is good in the COVID world, but. It was so interesting to me because I was like, thinking about going on a first date and it's just like blows my mind. I like the courage that it takes to go on a first date. I've never done it. Like the closest I've been to a first date is, Oh my God, I have a cramp. I'll **** my periods coming for sure, but then again, I PMS for 10 days before my period comes, so I might as well be on my period 20 out of 30 days of the month, which is just. Should be illegal, but whatever. The closest thing I ever did to a first date. Was. One time a guy came over by himself. And brought food. Which is kind of a date, but is it? It wasn't really. It felt like more of a hangout. But it wasn't like, you know, it just felt like we were hanging out. Also. It wasn't like, I don't know. So I don't feel like that was a date because I feel like it dates like going out and doing something, like going to watch a movie like me and this boy didn't like. We didn't even have like a plan necessarily. I think we just wanted to meet each other. Umm. But actually, do you know what? I'll consider it a first date. It was really. It was terrifying for me. I like, honestly. The thing about first dates is that they're they're just inevitably going to be awkward. There's no way around it. How? How do you not make a first date awkward? How do you shove 2 people in a room that have never met before? I'm talking about a blind date. Like a date where you've never met the guy and then you meet for the first time. At your first date, that's what I'm talking about. Going on a date with a guy that you're already dating, or going on a date with a guy that you've been friends with for years? Completely different. First date, meaning like you've never met this dude and you're going on a date as your first time meeting. That's what I'm talking about. I guess I did go on a first date, OK, but it just like didn't feel like it, but it was. It's so how the **** does anybody expect that not to be awkward? That's almost why sometimes I like meeting guys in Group settings, cause I'm just like, there's so much less pressure. Whereas when you're 1 on one, it's like, Oh my God, you have to start a conversation. You have to. Keep the convo going like when do you end the first date like? Do you make a move on the first date like? There's so many questions and my friend last night was so nervous and I was like. I never want to do this. Like going on a first date sounds so not ideal. I honestly think that the way to do it is to like date your friend. Like to meet a guy, become friends with him and then have a crush on him and then date him. I think that's the best way to do it, but at the same time that doesn't always work and that also. Isn't always how the cookie crumbles. I just have like this weird obsession with first dates and the psychology of them and like why they're so uncomfortable I I'm trying to kind of crack the code. Hopefully I never have to go on a first date again. Because I just like don't want it, just. No, like I just, I will avoid that at all costs, but. I kind of spent some time last night thinking about it after I dropped Olivia off at her date. Like trying to debunk, like the awkwardness and how to like. Make it. More comfortable and I think the way to do it is to like. Kinda. Lean into the fact that it's a first date and it's awkward. Like, I feel like in retrospect, I've never done this before because I've not. I've gone on maybe one first date, so I don't really think I have a lot of experience here. But if I were to have to go on another first date, I feel like what I would do is, and this might be corny and you guys can tweet at me and tell me if this is ******* corny. But I would be like, OK, listen like this is there's no like you feel out the first five minutes and if you feel like it's a little bit tense and awkward and like, stiff, which normally it is you. Just say something like listen. Let's just address the elephant in the room this first dates are ******* weird. Like, just let's just like. Talk about. Like, just talk about your whole life story. Like, just like, just give me your entire life story. Like, give give a really solid conversation starter. Like, you know, be like, listen, I don't know how we're supposed to even talk about anything. We know nothing about each other. Just tell me everything about you that you want to tell me about. Just give me like, the give me the ******* SparkNotes of your whole life right now. Like, I feel like that's a good way to like ice break. And then it'll be like they'll go through everything that will start a conversation, and then it's like there'll be so many, many conversations with. I mean their story, then it's your turn and then it happens again. Next thing you know, you guys know a decent amount about each other and then boom, you can move forward and have fun and start talking about other **** watch a movie, who ******* knows? But I think getting like a good understanding. I think the issue with the first date that I went on. I, like, was too scared to ask them about themselves. Like I was too scared to be like, OK, so tell me about you. And it's. So then it was just like, we didn't have anything to talk about because it was like, I didn't know what to say. They probably didn't know to say we were like, **** like, how do we even? Where do we even start? Like, we know nothing about each other. Barely. I mean, I had texted this person for a few weeks, but or like a month, but like, how are we supposed to, like, know where to start? Not to mention, I think both of us are kind of like, overthink everything. So it was just like a bad combination. If you go into it, no matter what type of personality type you have, if you go into it and you're like, **** it, I'm just going to ask this question. That could spiral us down like a deep convo. Great. I think that's the move. I don't know, I, I, I. But also if you give the never judge somebody solely off their first date, I feel like. There's no way that I was my full potential on my first date. And remember that. Like when you go on a first date, if you feel like somebody has potential, even if the first date was awkward or uncomfortable, you should ride that wave anyway. Like I know for a fact that. The time that I was on a first date, I did an awful job. Like I just was ******* had nothing. Like. I just feel like I was so awkward and like I was just like grasping at like. Anything to like, try to figure out how to make it comfortable because that's always my job. Like, that's always my like goal is to make everybody in the room feel comfortable. But on a first date it's very difficult to do that. So I was like word vomiting, but then I would say nothing for like 2 minutes. Also I remember on my first date. With this guy. We were in my home and I had no music playing and it was just quiet. Don't ever do that. Why the **** did I do that in my psychopath that makes me cringe looking back. Oh my God, yeah. What was I doing anyway? I mean, it's fine. It ended up being fine. I think that the first date though, that I had with this guy made it so that, like, the second and third date I not even date, but like time I hung out with him. I like, knew I was like, OK, I need to, I need to clean up my act. Like we need to have music playing every single time so there's no awkward silence. Like you never have an awkward silence. Also I need to. Have more like conversation topics. Also, I need to be OK with being vulnerable and just getting into my life story, even if they don't do that to like there was a lot of things I had to think about, but regardless, first dates, they're awful they but they can turn into something really beautiful. So. Although I really hope I never have to go on one again. Mad respect to people who meet people on like dating apps and **** and then go on a date with them and had never met them. I just can't imagine that, but anyway. Let's get into our topic of the day. After I go take a pee. Hold on. Clothes are one of the many ways that we express ourselves and we're constantly switching up our wardrobes. To reflect our interests and styles. But one thing that is a little bit more difficult to switch up is our glasses. Until now, because now with pair eyewear. You can have a different frame every day, OK? With pair eyewear, you start with a chic pair of glasses, right? That look great just by themselves, but they have a special secret. Which is that they have at little. Magnet inside so you can snap on. A cool frame on top of your existing glasses. I got the crystal clear Reese base frame which is just a really chic pair of all clear glasses. The frame is clear obviously the lenses are clear and I got a tortoise frame and a Plaid frame so I can now it. Basically I have 3 pairs of reading glasses now. There are so many options, iconic base shapes and then all sort of frames to go on top retro classic neon sparkle. You'll definitely find your vibe I also love. Buying from a brand that really, really cares and pair provides glasses to a child in need for every pair that you buy. Get glasses as ever, changing as you are with pear. Go to pair eyewear com Emma for 15% off your first purchase. That's 15% off at PAIR eyewear.com/emma. All right. Today we're talking about divorce. My parents got divorced. Well, I guess I'll start out with my story. It's very blurry. But. I'll do my best O. I grew up in a house with my mom and dad until I was about. Five, I think I was in kindergarten when they got divorced, maybe first grade. And I remember like a few snippets, but because I was literally five or six, there's not a lot of memories for me, which is. Probably better, to be honest. Like, it's I don't really know my life without divorced parents. I don't really remember anything from my parents being married because I was so young. Which might be good, but might be bad. I don't know. But I was in kindergarten or first grade and I remember. They sat me down in the living room and and tried to explain to me what was going on. And I just don't really think I understood. I think they said, like, Mom's gonna go live somewhere else. And I was like, OK, like, I don't. I don't think I understood the concept of divorce and I remember going into. My parents room. And seeing my mom bagging up all of her stuff. And I remember feeling like. A lot of it felt kind of chaotic, but yet there was no arguing. There was no fighting or anything, but at least from what I can remember. But it was very bizarre to see my mom packing up and I don't even remember like when my mom moved or like anything like that. I just kind of feel like it flashed forward to like. Me being at my dad's Monday, wait, it was like Monday through Wednesday and then my moms Wednesday through Friday and then switching off weekends and like, that was it. And my mom moved to a one bedroom apartment in a town about 20 minutes away. And so I had to share a bed with my mom, which I remember I actually kind of loved because I was like. Wait, I get to sleep with my mom like this is awesome. But that was kind of it. Like I never saw them fight. I didn't even know the divorce was happening or was going to happen. It completely came out of left field for me. I had no ******* idea that it was going to happen, and it just kind of became my life before I even had enough of a brain to know what was going on, and it became a routine before I could even comprehend what was going on. It was very interesting. Like it. It's very interesting in retrospect, how little I remember of it. The only memory I have of my parents being married, I think is one time. It is like not one time, but like in general. My dad used to cook dinner and I would sit on my mom's lap in the kitchen. While my dad was cooking dinner and they would talk about their day. And I remember that in my memory maybe once or twice. And that's about it. And that's pretty much the only memory I have of them being married. I've never, I never saw them be affectionate with one another. At least in my memory, I think they probably were, but I I never witnessed any affection between my parents. I have 0 memory of that which we'll get into later. About how that may have affected me, but. It was interesting. I never it's not like I saw them as a loving couple and then one day it was like, it was like, no, I only know them as being friends. But I was really, really fortunate that through the divorce my parents have remained friends, have continued communicating with one another, and have honestly had a really good friendship. My parents have a really great friendship, which is really interesting and kind of confuses a lot of people that see my family situation because they're like Emma, how do you have divorced parents that are friends? How the **** is that possible? It's it is. It's very weird and rare, but I'm very grateful for it because I think that although my parents are divorced in it and there's a lot of unfortunate parts about it. Or there were some unfortunate parts about it and some tough parts. My parents were our friends and so I. Don't know what a really toxic divorce looks like. And so. I'm grateful for that, but I also want that to be understood so that like, you know. My situation with my experience with divorce might be better. Like it. It's not it. I feel like I can't complain. Does that make sense? Like I don't feel like it's fair for me to complain because. It was. My parents were so mature about it and kept me out of it to a point where like. I just have never seen them fight before. Which is unbelievable and honestly kind of amazing. It's like. I'm grateful that they got divorced because I never had to witness my parents fighting. But there were also some cons to it too, so we'll get into it. But that was kind of the story. Umm. Oh my God. Frankie's under my blanket. And like fighting with my body. She's like fighting with my foot. She thinks it's an animal, but anyway. Basically, day-to-day life was, you know, some of the struggles were definitely going back and forth between houses, also figuring out like where I wanted to go to school, whether I wanted to be at school closer to my dad's or my moms. I went to school closer to my dad's for elementary school, and then for middle school and high school. I was closer to my mom's house and or my mom's apartment and the commute situation. From. Whatever home was farthest was definitely tough because. I would have to wake up an hour earlier and like, you know. I had to have double of everything so that I could get ready at both of my parents houses. I had to like, lug clothes around in a bag constantly back and forth, back and forth, lug my **** back and forth, back and forth for 10 years, you know what I mean? And it was inconvenient and it kind of felt like I was never fully settled in one spot. It was like I always knew that I was going to be, you know, moving from one house to the next every few days. So I never like. I always kind of felt like a little bit agile, a little bit on edge because it was like, **** I know I'm just going to be. Moving in a few days to the other parents house. It was also hard because during the weekends I just. You know, it's like deciding, like, who I wanted to spend time with. And then, you know, all my friends were closer to my mom's house. So, like, sometimes I would spend a few extra weekends at my mom's house. Because my friends were there, but then I would feel bad because I'd feel like I was neglecting my dad. So there was a lot of moral dilemmas there, and also like my parents having to drive me back and forth from house to house. I feel like was stressful too. And it was a little bit messy, but at the same time, it was my life. And that was like, you know, so whatever, it just became normal to me. But it wasn't easy. It was kind of uncomfortable, but it also, I got used to it and it was fine. But I think that there were times when I envied a child that had one home with two parents under the roof that just could like, they always felt like they had a solid one home that they could go home to. And that was that in the end of story. And it wasn't like they had to be lugging **** around. Every week and whatever. I was jealous of that stability in a way, but at the same time. It didn't kill me like it was ******* fine. Just was kind of a bummer. But there's a lot of things that were positive about it and I want to get into that. Number one. The relationships that I developed with both parents individually because I was spending so much, one-on-one time with each every week, was something that I would have never had otherwise. The fact that when I was with one parent, I was with only them. It was. Extremely important for my relationships with my parents. I'm also an only child, so. It was literally me and my one parent hanging out whenever I was at their house and I think that we just bonded in a way that was really unique and rare. And I am super grateful for that because now my parents are. I'm so close to both of my parents and. I feel like they're kind of my best friends in a way, as well as my parents, but they're still like my best friends and I don't think that that would have happened otherwise. I think that the fact that. We were forced to be one on 1/2 the week. It just was like very special and that was something that I'm really grateful for. I think that the communication that I had between each parent and the kind of like. Attention that I got from each parent individually. Was really, really helpful. I I really I I really think that. Also never seeing them fight again, that was really special, I mean. The fact that I never had to see them fight, I think. Was partially confusing for me because I'm like, well you guys never fought, so why are you divorced? That was kind of confusing to me because I was like, you guys relationship seemed fine, like why did you get divorced? But. But but not seeing them fight, I think I missed out. Like I I got to dodge a bullet of some trauma that could have formed there. Also getting to like leave one parent and spend time with the other and like. If I was kind of butting heads with my mom, I could go to my dad's. Or if I was kind of butting head with my dad, I could go to my mom's. And it was kind of nice to have an escape, and I think that distance makes the love grow fonder, and I think that that was really helpful for our relationships as well. If we needed an escape from one another, we could have that. I could go escape one parent and go be with the other. And not that there was anything like, not that my parents were doing anything that would make me need to escape, but sometimes you just **** heads with a parent. I've had phases where I was butting heads with my mom more, or phases whereas butting heads with my dad more. And. It was just nice to be able to go to another parent's house and just kind of like. Think about it and be like, why am I butting heads with my dad, you know? Why am I resenting my dad? Like, whatever. And then, like, figure it out and then go back to him later and feel like I'd gathered my thoughts at my mom's house without him around, and I got to have that escape. And I think that that was really nice, too. As for cons. I already discussed going between houses. That was kind of tough. I also kind of already discussed jealousy of other families, but I'll kind of dig into it. I think it was really hard for me growing up to see. All of my friends have just like. A happy, normal, married family. I don't think any of my friends growing up had divorced parents. I think I had one. Throughout my whole middle school. Elementary School high school. I maybe had two Max out of like the maybe 40 friends I had over the course of that time. I think I remember two of them having divorced parents. It wasn't the most common thing. And. And that was tough for me because I kind of felt like. The black sheep, you know what I mean? I was like. I felt different cause my family situations very different. And everybody else, you know, they would go home to their parents and they had a cute house with, you know, whatever and their parents like. Put their wealth together so they like were able to buy nicer things in my eyes. That's what I mean. Don't even get me started on that. Go to my Money Illusion Podcast episode if you want to hear. Me talk more about jealousy of money, but I think that I was jealous of families that had like dual incomes because I was like, wow, they can like go on cool trips more often with the whole family, blah blah blah. And it was also tough. I just thought about this now is kind of off topic, but I'm I'm an only child and I had to deal with all of this by myself. It was very I spent a lot of time in my own mind. Because. I didn't have this, like, rustling, bustling family where I was like oh siblings or like a bunch of like. You know, or both of my parents in the house, like cooking dinner and having conversations. Like there's a lot of silence when you are going. When you live with just one parent at a time and you're an only child, it's there's a lot of silence. And so I. I think that the reason why I've I am the person that I am today is because I had to get really comfortable with myself because I had to spend a lot of time by myself because. It was just me and my one parent and so like I had a lot of alone time, if that makes sense. I felt like my home environment was so. Almost uneventful in comparison to my friends because they had both of their parents in the house and siblings and all that. And it was weird because I was like, when I'm at home it's like. So different. In half the time my parents were like working. Both of my parents worked. A lot. And so although I got to spend time with them. Like their jobs weren't too demanding to a point where I couldn't spend time with them. I still, like, had a lot of moments where I'd come home from school and my mom wouldn't be home for another five hours. You know what I mean? And so I had a lot of alone time and. I do think it was really good, and I think that it actually is. It has benefited me long term, but in the moment I was bummed out because I was like, **** like I don't have this, like fun rustling, bustling home to come home to and that was hard and it was always just me comparing. My family situation to everybody elses, which in retrospect I realize now I'm so lucky I never had to see my parents fight. I got to have close relationships with both of my parents. I got to grow trust between both of my parents, which made me had to have a lot of freedom at a young age. Also, like, I didn't have to experience my parents getting divorced as an adult or as, you know, an older person when you. Like when you're actually conscious of what's going on. Like, I didn't have to experience that there's so many pros to my life situation, but it was hard for me not to fixate on everybody else's life and compare and wish that I had theirs. OK, so I've told you guys about circle before, right? Spelled CIRKUL. Circle was created for people like me, OK, who don't drink enough water every day circles basically this water bottle with over 40 flavor cartridges that makes drinking water way more tasty. The flavors cover all the bases. They have fruit, punches, iced teas. Some even have caffeine or electrolytes, but there's no sugar, there's no calories, and there's no artificial flavors. My favorite flavor is strawberry Kiwi. And my favorite thing about it is I love how the dial on the cartridge lets you choose how much flavor you get per sip. All you have to do is twist the dial to a certain number for how much flavor that you want and you're ready to go. So the cool thing about it is that you can put the cartridge on. And you can set it to whatever setting you want. So you could set it to a setting where when you take a sip of water, it just tastes like water, so there's no flavor added. But if you're in the mood to add some flavor, you can twist it a little bit. And then you have a super flavorful sip. Right now Circle is giving all of my listeners. Up to 35% off their order, plus free shipping on all orders of $15 or more. Plus, as an added bonus, we're throwing in my favorite flavor, strawberry Kiwi, for free. Just visitdrinkcircle.com/emma that's drinkcirkul.com/emma to get this limited time offer today. Again, that's drinkcircle.com/emma. Next, the holidays were kind of tough too, because it was like. You know, going to my I would sleep at my dad's and then hang out with my dad's family. Then I'd go to my moms, and it was like trying to figure out how to make the whole Christmas situation fair. Thanksgiving situation fair. Easter situation fair, it was like. Morally challenging for me because I was like **** like. Whose parent am I like? How am I supposed to make this feel? Even like if it's Christmas Eve and I'm sleeping at my dad's house, is my mom gonna be lonely by herself? And all of this, like, moral dilemma and a lot of guilt? A lot. A lot of guilt. Throughout my childhood, I felt guilt about neglecting one parent. I was like, if I get my one parent a Christmas gift, I need to make sure that the other parents Christmas gift is just as good so that you know and and but I was never perfect. It was like I always felt like I was. Neglecting one parent. If it wasn't one, it was the other. And I felt this constant guilt. And they didn't even you know. They never made me feel that way, but I think that. I just felt that way. I think I just felt like I weirdly had a broken family and I was just like felt like it was like. It it just felt like. I felt bad for myself in a way, but. In retrospect, I don't think I needed to because I had a really great childhood and there's just no reason for that. The hardest part about it, though, is when my parents started dating. This was not OK with me. And this actually is the root for me of a lot of my issues. I would say out of the whole divorce, the biggest. Say like long lasting trauma I took from it was seeing my parents going and dating other people. And. Both of my parents started dating people at around the same time. Both of my parents have only had one significant other. My dad's currently single. He's not with the person that he was with. Before, but my mom has been dating the same guy. For like 7 years now, like they've been together forever. With my mom it wasn't as tough. I I definitely it made me angry, I think a lot because my parents. It made me I was more hurt by my dad dating than my mom, and I don't know why that is. I I don't know what was like more upsetting about my dad dating than my mom, but I think it's because I had a very weird. Attachment to my dad. That like I can never explain. But seeing him dating was like the most painful thing I've experienced in my life thus far. It was so incredibly hard for me. I was kind of a ***** growing up. I mean, I was also in my defense. I was between ages, like. 8IN you know 15, right? But I was not nice to my parents. Significant others. I would go through phases. I'd have nice moments, but I'd also have mean moments. I would get. I would resent my parents when they would leave me to go on a date with. Their significant other, or if they would invite their significant significant other over, I'd feel really uncomfortable when their significant other was over. Not because there's significant other was even a bad person necessarily, but just because I felt uncomfortable seeing my parents with somebody that wasn't my other parent. And I think that the fact that I'm, I was, I'm so close with both of my parents made it even harder because it was just so weird. To me and it made me feel dirty inside. It made me feel sick inside. I just remember feeling this constant like feeling of just. Darkness in my stomach, just having to see them move on from the other parent. It was one of the worst things that I've ever experienced. But also, you know, it hurt me that they were sharing their time. With somebody that like. I was like, I'm your guys's kid and you guys are trying are are using my time of the week. To spend time with your significant other when I'm here. I was like, I only see you half the week. I want this time to be one-on-one. I don't want you to be bringing in your ******* significant other, which, you know, I think that there's arguments to both sides of that. It's like, OK, well, yeah, but like if they're dating, like now that I, like, am dating as an adult, like I want to see my boyfriend everyday. OI understand the want to be with your significant other everyday but. I was like, but at the same time, they had a child and it was me and I was like, no, like, I want my time with you guys to be one-on-one, and I don't want you to be bringing your significant other over for dinner. Like, I want to have dinner with you. I want to be able to talk to you about my day. I felt like when my parents started dating, I almost lost my closeness with them for a period of time because. I was now splitting my already half the week with another person and that really. Really hurt. Me and my parents were just doing the best that they could. They did nothing wrong. I mean. They may have ****** ** a little bit here and there, but like, as normal, they never did anything severely wrong at all. Totally. We're just trying to figure it out. But I had a lot of resentment towards my parents because of them, you know, starting to. I felt like I was being forgotten for their new significant others, when in reality it was like I just was so used to having 100% of the attention and the 2nd that it was like 5050 with a significant other. I felt really ****** about it. Eventually, you know. With my mom, it was a lot easier. I think she kind of like figured that out, that it was not working to have her boyfriend around. And so she kind of was like, OK, we're gonna keep this separate. My dad, it lasted for a little bit longer where his significant other was more involved in the day-to-day life of things. And it it was honestly, in retrospect, it's one of the most miserable times in my life. And having to share my dad with somebody when I was living with him was easily the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life. I felt my relationship with him was suffering because of it. I felt like I wasn't as close to him and honestly, a lot of resentment grew towards him and I didn't know how to communicate that, but. I think eventually we both figured out like what the issue was and and why it was an issue and we were totally eventually able to solve it and it was just but it was like and and I but I was mad at my parents for years to follow because I was like guys like why did you start dating and why did you make me get, why did you bring me into it and why did I have to see it and like all this ****. But then I realized as I got older, like. My parents are human. If I was them in that situation, I would have done the exact same thing. It's a really hard thing to balance your child and your dating life. As a divorced parent, I can't even imagine how difficult that would be. I've completely forgiven my parents for that, but there was a lot of resentment there for quite a few years about just like me having to see it. I was just angry that I had to see it because just seeing it made me feel so terrible that I resented them for making me see it. And I feel like now that I moved out, I'm totally fine with it because I'm like, you guys can. I mean, I don't want to know really about it. Even still, I would prefer not to know about it. My mom is fine, but still, to this day, I really struggle with my dad dating people. I don't know what it is, but it makes me genuinely angry. I'm very protective of him for some weird reason and I don't know, like. What it is? But like, him dating people is really hard for me. Whereas my mom, I'm more like, kind of feel like my mom and I are besties now where we're like, girl, are you going on a date next week? Like, we're both kind of like that with each other, but with my dad, I'm like, no, **** that. No woman is ever allowed to talk to you again, which is very selfish, but I don't know why I feel like that. I just do. I think I'm scared of. Him dating again in a way, because. Of how our relationship. Suffered a little bit from it. Whereas with my mom, I feel like I bounced back a lot easier, but. Uh. Either way, I'd be happy. As long as my dad is happy, I'm happy I don't live at home anymore. I don't have to see the **** if I don't want to. I think if I ever were to get a divorce. I wouldn't. Share my dating life with my kid in any way. Until. They were out of the house and in college. That's just how I would handle it personally because I think that it was really hard for me. And it was the hardest phase of my life thus far. And it was like when I first felt depressed, like it was like, really like. You know it. It was one of the darkest times of my life thus far, and I just feel like if I ever had a kid, I would not want them to have to see me dating. And I would just want my kid to it. It's like, OK, you have *******. 18 years until your kids out of the house. I think that you can wait. To date in front of your kid, you can still date. It's like when your kids that there are other parents house, then you go on dates and ****. You don't need to combine it, but I think that my parents didn't know. How are they supposed to know? They were trial and erroring and so, you know, that was that. But it was really, really hard. It was really hard for me. I also think the other reason why I was hard was because I was an only child and because it was like if I was at my dad's house. Or if I was at my mom's house and their significant other was over, I was inevitably third Wheeling. And that was my time to spend with each individual parent, so it was really hard for me and I didn't have a sibling to go like play ******* Club Penguin with in my room like I was by myself. With my parent and their significant other, it was a nightmare. It was awful. It was my least favorite. It's my least favorite part of my childhood, easily. And I mean, if that's the least favorite part of my childhood, I'm. I'm grateful for that. It was it taught me a lot. It made me appreciate my one-on-one time with my parents even more. Once we kind of figured out a system and figured out that, like, them bringing in their dating life to my life was not OK and not working. But I think because I'm an only child, I think it would have been different if I had siblings. Truly, I I really do because I was just alone in it. And I was just third Wheeling and it just sucked *** especially when. I was so used to having like a one-on-one relationship with my parents before they started dating it. It was just like definitely something we had to work through. But. Now I think my parents, my relationship with my parents is, you know? Is better than ever because we've been through all of those hardships and we've come out the other side and we've adjusted for one another and we've grown together. I mean, my parents were put into a very vulnerable situation. By becoming divorced, and I think that they've had to grow a lot from the experience I've had to grow with them. And I think that that actually has given me, you know, a level of insight. About adulthood. From a young age that I wouldn't have seen otherwise, I had to see my parents in vulnerable situations. I saw my parents make mistakes. I saw my parents try to mend those mistakes. I saw my parents have to. Be friendly with one another, even though you know. That maybe wasn't even necessarily always the easiest thing. They made it seem easy, but whatever. I had a really good role models and my parents were really good role models. The way that they handled everything. Even if they made mistakes, which of course they made mistakes, they always figured out how to make it better, and they always. Would apologize to me. They would, you know, it was an open it was like a human to human thing. I never felt like I was smaller than them. It always felt like they would admit if they did something wrong, they would admit like, you know what? Like I should have had. Like we should have had one-on-one time this week. Like they would apologize to me, they they would like and we. And that's why we all grew from it. And that's why I think that we all are better people now from all of it because we we all grew from it, both me and my parents. And I think that that's a beautiful thing despite the pain that there was for periods of time during it. Anyway, let's get into some questions. I literally loved talking about this so much I feel like I really hope that this could help somebody or even whatever. I just like it feels good to talk about this. What does it really take to make it in New York City when you're young? The come up is a new freeform docu reality series on Hulu. It follows 6 ambitious creative 20 somethings in NYC as they break the status quo and take up all the space. It's a real look into how this next generation of icons are breathing life back into the downtown scene, all while pursuing their dreams, which is a long way of saying they're killing it. The show follows Sophia, a breakthrough photographer who shot her first spread for nylon at just 13 and has been shooting major campaigns ever since. Fernando Modeling's next international star, Tawfiq, the youngest fashion designer to show at New York Fashion Week, Claude, a New York native and aspiring actress. Ben arising, entertainer from Texas and a newbie to New York City, and Ebon, a trans rights activist and fixture of New York underground nightlife. This is now or never. With big goals and even bigger ceilings to break through, they'll need to bust their ***** to chase their dreams. It's time to hustle free forms the come up new episodes Wednesdays on Hulu. Somebody said, did you ever feel like their divorce was your fault? No, for some reason, no, I didn't. And I think it was because I was so young. That I didn't even like. I could never comprehend it being my fault because. It's all it's been my whole life and there was never a situation where there I ever saw them fight over me. So because of that, no, I never felt like it was my fault, which I'm very grateful for, but if you. Have divorced parents and you feel like it was your fault? Let me tell you this. Your parents brought you into this world. They made that decision. So even if they're fighting over you, even if. You know, whatever. I don't care. It's not your fault. And do whatever you can to get that through your head because your parents made the decision to bring you into this world. And if they start fighting about you, that's their fault. They brought you into this world. They decided to have a child together and if they're fighting about you or whatever, that is their fault because they're the reason that you're on this planet. You didn't ******* choose it. Also remember that like. People arguing usually. Has more to do with them than even what they're arguing about. I don't argue with people very often. Unless I'm in a bad spot. If I'm insecure, or. I've been bottling up my feelings. That's when I cause arguments. If I have all of that in check, I'm having respectful conversations, not arguments. Never feel like it's your fault. Somebody said, do you ever imagine them getting back together? I don't. Umm. Like if it if I don't want it to happen like I I like don't think that that would be good. I like them as divorce. I've only known them as divorce. I don't see them getting back together and I don't want them to get back together. They are amazing Co parents. They're extremely compatible as coparents like unbelievably compatible. But As for a relationship, I don't think that they work well together. I don't think that their personalities meshed and I don't think that they need the same things out of a relationship. My dad is an artist. He likes having his freedom, he likes doing his own thing. My mom is like more of a homebody. She likes somebody that, you know, likes to just watch fun shows and movies with her when she's done with her work. They don't have the same interests, you know what I mean? They don't have the same. Day-to-day kind of routine. The same things don't necessarily excite them. The only thing that they really have in common is me and and that is great because they're amazing at that. And you know, we have fun conversations. I think my parents and I all like have similar views on the world and stuff. So we can have amazing conversations with the three of us about that ****. But I think on a day-to-day basis they aren't compatible and so yeah. I don't see them getting back together. Are you happy? Somebody asks. Are you happy that they split up? Yes, I kind of already said that, but I just wanted to make it clear. Why are you scratching on the door? Stop. Stop. Somebody said my parents divorced when I was seven and sometimes I go into a spiral and think of how different life would have been if they never did. Does that ever happen to you? You know, weirdly, no. I feel like because I was so young and it's so, like all I ever know that I I can't even comprehend them being married. So I don't really spiral about it too often or at all, but. I also feel like because it's out of my control, I try my best not to think about what could have been, because it it yes, it could have been, but it didn't. So what's the point of? You know. I just can't even comprehend what it would have been like, so I think my imagination can't even go there. But I think that you know. Remembering to stay present and not to dwell on what could have been is is one of the most important things that you can do in your life. And focusing on now and focusing on what's going on right in front of you, I think is the most important thing that you can do for yourself and your mental health. And so try your best not to think about that because there's nothing that can you can gain from it. There's nothing positive that can come from it. It's not constructive and it's out of your control. Somebody said how do you feel like your divorce has affected you and your relationships? OK, this is a kicker. I'm like sitting up for this one. It's definitely affected me a lot. For a lot of reasons, I think. Number one, I date with the with the hope of dating long term. For one. I crave long term relationships, not short term. So like, if anything I feel like is going to be short term, I'm out immediately. I just don't even want to do it. And I think that that's because I crave the stability of a long term relationship because I feel like. I didn't have that growing up, So what I want that in my life. I like the idea of having stability or whatever in a relationship and having it be long term. I also think that I. I love whenever I'm dating a guy. I love them. I'm very all in. Because. And even if I don't show it necessarily. I'm very all in because. I want to make it work as well as I ******* can and not be a quitter. Because. Like I will do anything in my power to keep a relationship going, even if it's not good because I don't want. To fail and I don't want. Like every time a relationship fails for me. It further. Proves in my mind that like marriage and love is like impossible because I think that my parents getting divorced and me never seeing my parents in love. Made me kind of believe in a way, growing up that, like, love wasn't even real and that like. Hey, I'd never seen it before. There was no like example for me, so I just had a hard time understanding how it was possible to like love somebody forever because I'd never seen it. And so every time I date a guy and it doesn't work out, I think it hits me a lot harder because it just. It further proves to me that. Love doesn't exist, but at the same time, that's not the right way to look at it. Like you're gonna date so many guys before you find the guy that you're going to date. That's what I tell myself. You're gonna date so many guys before you find the guy that. You either date for a really long time, or you marry or who becomes your lifelong partner, like there's going to be so many ******* hits and misses, like it's unreal how many there's going to be and. Just begin. Just because one doesn't work out when you're ******* 17 doesn't mean that. You're never going to find somebody. Like, you shouldn't marry the person that you meet at 17, most likely. That's probably not a good idea. It totally could be in some situations, but it's usually not. And so, but I feel like I. Always put a lot more pressure on myself to, like, make the relationship last as long as possible. And I also feel like I'm always thinking about marriage. Whenever I'm in a relationship with a guy, I'm always like, would I marry this guy? Would I marry this guy? Would I marry this guy? I ask myself that every day. It's so ******* bizarre. And because I'm like, I'm 19, Emma, you're 19. Why are you, like dating this guy and asking yourself if you'd marry them every day? But that's kind of the way that I gauge whether or not I should be with somebody, because if I wouldn't marry them, then I don't wanna waste my time because my end goal is to have. Is to have a successful marriage one day because I want to experience that in my life. I didn't experience it from my parents, I didn't see that with my parents, so I want to experience it myself. And I'm constantly afraid that, like, I'll never find it. And so I think that I, like, am super over. I'm so overly analytical of who I'm dating in a way, because I'm like, are they like a good match for me? Would they be a good dad? Could I picture myself being 85 with this guy? And if the answer is yes in that moment, then I'm in. But that's why I think I maybe haven't been in that many relationships or I haven't been with very many guys because I'm like, well, most of them know, and then if the answer is sometimes the answer is no, I wouldn't be with them. Term, but it's like fun for now. But then I do that and then I'm like, well, I'm wasting my time because I could be finding the person that I could be spending my life with. I date with the intention of spending my life with said guy, which I think kind of hinders me from having fun and like going out and like talking to dudes that I will never talk to again. Like there's something fun and romanticized about that. And I think I missed out on that because my goal has always been for like long term, but at the same time that's the way that my brain works, so who cares? I also feel like my self-esteem was affected by my parents divorce and I don't know why that is. I I'm still I honestly should probably see a therapist about it. And my parents did try to put me in therapy when I was like 10 for their divorce, but it didn't work because I. Refused to talk to some random lady. For an hour about my parents divorce. Sorry, no. Now I'm open to it, but like back then it was a no from me, but. I think myself esteem got affected by it somehow. And I think myself esteem might have been affected by it in in a way where when my parents started dating. And I wasn't like I was still the number one priority, but I didn't feel like it. I felt like I was like, you know, now being like it was like. My parents were also prioritizing their significant other and me and I was like you and I think something about that ****** ** myself esteem. Just like me. I I believed like, Oh well, I'm their child. So on their number one priority. And then feeling like I was sharing. That with my parents, significant other. That hurt me so obvious team wise. I was like, holy **** I'm there, kid, I should be there. #1 #1. And like I have to split their my, like I have to split their attention with somebody else. When I'm already like, you know, I just like something about it ****** ** myself, esteem and makes me kind of like. Feel a little bit replaceable, which is not a rational feeling like my parents did not. They still prioritize me, they still took care of me, they still spent time with me. But when they started dating, it made me feel like I was being replaced by their significant other for some weird reason, and I don't know what the psychology is behind that. But because it wasn't like, I really needed to feel that way. But that's the way that my brain processed the situation, whether that's fair to my parents or not. But that really affected myself esteem and now I think in relationships I tend to feel like I'm never enough because. I feel like my parents chose me for another significant other. Even though that wasn't necessarily true, but that's the way that it made me feel and it just affected myself esteem and that's so confusing for me to explain because I don't even fully understand it, but. Yeah. Somebody said my mom is moving to Rhode Island to take care of her mom and my dad is staying in Florida. How do I choose who to go to if I'm very close to both? If you're very close to both, I think you choose. Who where it's more convenient for you to live and where you're going to be happier. Where are your friends? Where are your hobbies? I would say go there. Or if you want to experience, you know, living in a new place, go to Rhode Island with your mom. Don't choose based on which parent you want to spend more time with. Choose based on. Where you'd rather live strictly and make that clear to them be like I want to move to Rhode Island or I want to move to Florida because. All of my friends are in Florida or I want to, you know, experience something new and Rhode Island and explain that to them. And also make an effort to call the other parent a lot and check in with other parent so that they know that, you know, just remind them that you care and all that. You'll be fine. Your parents will be fine. They're putting you in an uncomfortable situation where you have to make this decision, so they cannot be hard on you about what decision that you do end up making. And just make it clear that it's not personal, that it's like. You know you love both parents equally. It's just that, like, this is what makes. Sense. For you and your happiness. There was actually a period of time where I ended up living with my mom towards the end of my high school career. I ended up moving in with my mom full time because. I was in high school, I was taking all these hard classes and I did not have the energy literally. To be going. 30 minutes away to my dad's house. From school every day like it was like it. My school was 10 minutes away from my mom's house and 30 minutes away from my dad's house. It just got to a point where it was the the commute from my dad's house was just too much, so I ended up moving in with my mom pretty much full time. And my dad was cool with it and we still would spend time together. But it was like, I just, I need it wasn't that I didn't want to spend time with my dad, it was that it was literally like. Really difficult for me to be commuting from my dad's and he totally understood and so I think just communicating and explaining that it it's not about. Them. And it's about, you know, you doing what's best for you and your life and the structure of your life. Somebody said, do you actually get double the amount of Christmas presents and birthday presents? Uh, you know what I realized from my parents getting divorced was that I don't think Dad's. I think we need to give our moms full credit for all holiday gifting. My dad, it was actually so sweet. My dad would really try to do the whole, you know, Christmas thing. But it was so funny how different the gifts were at my mom's and my dad's. Like my dad's house was like shampoo and conditioner and like a hair brush and like a toothbrush. And like, just basically essentials for living at his house. And or like badminton rackets or like, it was all like such dad **** right? And then at my mom's house, it was like. You know, clothes or like, you know, fun makeup products like that type of ****. And it was so funny and kind of charming to see like, you know the difference. So I mean, maybe I got double the amount of gifts, but also not really because I feel like. Not really. My mom would definitely go out for a birthday and Christmas and my dad would be like, I I don't think that gift giving is my dad's love language. I which is totally fine because it's not mine either. So I didn't really care. But I don't think I got double the gifts because I think my dad is more about quality time like he would during the holidays or during birthdays. He would be the one that would like. Really want to get the vibes up. Like we would decorate the house together or go and get like, you know, dinner at our favorite burrito place for my birthday. Whereas my mom would totally go in on the gifts and like, that was her thing and she killed it every year. And so I got different things from both parents. I would not say I got double the gifts though. Somebody said, do you ever feel resentment towards one of your parents because the other one constantly talks **** about them? This happens to me a lot, not really, and I've been really lucky that my parents have kept it really civil and not talked **** about the other parent to me. I mean, we've talked about, you know, I've vented about different, you know, different traits of one parent to the other parent. But it's never been like, in a way that wasn't constructive, constructive. I feel like it's always been constructive and very mature on their end. Umm. But I would say some advice for you is to tell your parent like, hey, I really don't think it's healthy, like I have to be around. Bother you? And so if you're talking **** about my dad, or if you're talking **** about my mom, like, I can't. It's hard for me to be around them afterwards, so like, let's not talk about it anymore. Like it, it makes it way too difficult for me. Like I can't, I can't manage that situation mentally, so you know. Just kind of kindly asking for those conversations to stop, I think would be the best option. And even if it's hard, because even if you feed into it and even if you agree with whatever parent. Like, it's really better to just try to. Be. In as good of a spot as you can with both parents. Somebody said, would you ever consider divorcing? If you were to have kids in the future and the relationship didn't workout anymore, yes. I I do not think that like because my parents got divorced and it was like kind of painful that I would never get divorced if I got married. And at a certain point, we weren't happy. It's in the whole family's best interest for me and my said husband to get divorced 1000%. I'm not opposed to it. I would avoid it at all costs and I think that, you know, I'm going to, I'm really, I think that my like criteria for marriage. Is. Pretty ******* strict like my criteria is as follows. Little to no arguing with my significant other. Now, because if you are arguing now when you're like a teenager, slash in your early to mid 20s. If you're arguing in that relationship, good luck. Obviously there's going to be little bumps in the road here and there, but like, if you're fully having like screaming arguments at all, the 2nd I have a screaming argument with somebody. I'm breaking up with them because I know it's not necessary. I know it isn't. You do not need to have a screaming argument and I don't want that in a marriage. I want to have civil, respectful understanding. Egoless conversations with my significant other and I know that that's possible and I don't think that there needs to be. Any type of screaming or yelling or anything and if that's happening. At this age it's only going to get worse, so for me. Dating somebody that's argumentative with me is a no. Like I can't do it. And I definitely wouldn't marry a guy like that. But that's not to say that there won't be, you know, some moments where it's like, you know, where there's communication or where there's confrontation, absolutely. That's so ******* important. But it does not need to be out of elevated tone. And if that's happening in the relationship, it's never going to be coming from me and it's going to be coming from the other person, and I don't want to have anything to do with it. I refuse to communicate like that. Another thing is I think honestly having a lot in common. Whether it's like music or things that you like to do on your day off or traveling like whatever it like, I don't want to date a guy that. Like constantly like that we were we had nothing in common and we don't like to do things together. I like to be able to do things together with a guy. And that's really important to me. Like, if they like to ******* even if they just like to eat the same type of food as me, it's like that. Simple, but. Or if they like to go shopping, like whatever. Or if they like interior design, they like to go to a ******* furniture store with you and look at furniture like anything. Or if they bought, if they like traveling to the same types of places. That's super important. And that's a huge yes for me. And. It's like all the cards need to be in line and there needs to be absolutely no red flags or else I will be out immediately. Because even though I will fight to the death to make a relationship last, if I have a few red flags, I'm out like, like I'll fight through a few red flags, but then. After a handful it's it's over, but then at the same time. I'll fight through red flags, but until it's like, OK, yeah, wait, this is not. This is like, not something that they're gonna work through. Like, this is permanent. This is who they are. I can't do this, but I think the most ideal situation is to date somebody with no red flags. That's that's on some wifey ****. That's when you're like, OK, I'm ready. Because I mean. You think that you can be in a relationship? I've never. I've only once been in a relationship in my life where there's been no red flags. It is hard to come by, and I think people settle for red flags. They're like, it's fine because this is like, what? You know? This is normal. Like what? I have to like, you know, I have to love them for them. Blah, blah, blah. No, you can find somebody with no red flags. I've done it and it's unreal. How the **** is that possible? Isn't that crazy? And it doesn't even necessarily mean that. Like, you know, you never know. You might find somebody and have no red flags and like, you know, they might end up you. They might be perfect for you. They could still break up with you down the line. You'll still find somebody else with no red flags. It's really hard to do, but you can ******* do it. Because if I can do it, you can. Anyway. Not that that even means that there won't be red flags down the line, like a red flag could pop up two years into the relationship. But what I'm saying is. Never settle for red flags. Always be seeking a relationship with no red flags. And red flags do not mean. No issues at all. You could be like, hey, I really feel like, you know. We haven't spent a lot of time together this week, like, I miss you. Like, that's not the red flag. A red flag is like, OK, I feel like they're cheating on me. Like they haven't talked to me for a week. You know what I mean? OK, anyway. Somebody said is it just me or does anyone else feel awkward telling your parent you're going to see the other one? I feel the need to lie. Do not lie, OK? Your parents ******* put you on to this planet. They made the decision to have a child and they share you. 5050, you are 50% one parent and 50% the other. Do not be apologetic about wanting to spend time with one of your parents. Ever. Never, never. You do not need to lie about that. And if they get jealous and weird, that is ******* their problem and they need to grow up. Because they you are their child and that is their responsibility. Somebody said, do you think it always happens, like if you get married that you'll eventually get divorced inevitably or do you believe in long lasting marriage? I think that long lasting marriage is possible. I think that there's always going to be bumps in the road. I think it's never going to be fully smooth sailing, I think if expecting that is impossible, but I think that if you find the right partner that has no red flags and that's completely compatible with you, and you're not settling and you're not rushing anything, and it's something that I do believe in it. I do think it's a lot more rare. Than we want to admit to ourselves, I think that. E. I never realized how easy it was to settle until I got into a relationship that was actually really good and there was no red flags and I was not settling, and I admired the person. And. I like. Genuinely loved them like with every bone in my body and was not like. Oh, I love them, but also like, **** this, this and that about them. Like, it was like, it's like, no, like, I am here for all of it and I'm not settling. I'm not like. Trying to make something work that's not working. Like it just works when it works and I think, but a lot of the relationships I've been in prior, I was like fighting to make something work that was not working by any means and like. I can only imagine how many people have like married somebody like that has have married somebody where they were like like this, where they didn't even realize that they're settling. I think that's what leads to divorce is when you actually are settling, but you didn't even realize that you are. Because it's really easy to kind of push that to the back of your head. I think that that's, but I think majority of people settle. And I didn't realize that until I wasn't settling anymore and I refused to do that anymore. But it's a hard thing to do because there's so many people on this planet. The likelihood of finding one. That sucks for you. Is a lot more likely it's hard to find somebody that really, really works for you. It's completely possible for every single person on this planet. More than possible. But it's not always gonna be easy and it might take a lot of time. And but I think that if you find that person. That is like almost your twin, but also like the like perfect balance of like being really similar to you, but also having. Elements of themselves that you don't have and so that they can teach you and also like somebody that you admire and somebody that respects you and genuinely just like loves you. I think it's really hard these days to find somebody that really just like loves you for you and like is not wishy washy and isn't just going to pick up and leave the next day. It's hard to find that **** but when you find that, I think that that's the stuff that lasts forever. You know. Somebody said which parents house did you like better? Honestly, I feel like my mom's house was nice because all my friends were nearby and like my mom and I would do fun stuff like go shopping and blah blah blah. But I like being at my dad's house because. I like being at my dad's house because it was kind of like a vacation house, in a way, because it was removed from my it was like 30 minutes away from my school. It was in a Newtown. And like, you know, my dad has a very creative house with like drum set and paints and canvases everywhere. So it was kind of like I was in another world. So I would say I like both equally. I think I'm gonna end it off there, guys. I've been talking for far too long. But I really enjoyed talking about this and I hope that if you guys are. Either afraid of divorce. In your own family or you're afraid of divorce. You're afraid to get married because you're afraid of divorce. There's so many. You know, ways that people think about this and people fear it and stuff. There's nothing to fear in it. I think that. It usually happens for a reason, and I know with my family it definitely did. And I'm I don't have any regrets or anything like that. And I think, you know, it can be really ****** and really painful, but I think that what you learn from any struggle in life is a beautiful thing. What doesn't kill you, make you makes you stronger and. If you want to tweet me more topics like this that you want me to talk about, the Twitter is at Ag podcast. Leave us a little review on Apple Podcasts. A little five stars these if you like it. I appreciate you guys coming back every week and listening to me and I love hanging out with you guys and talking to you guys. It's like my free therapy session. I still don't have a therapist officially. I talked to 1:00 every like few months when I am so depressed that I'm in a dangerous spot. But. You guys are kind of my daily therapist, so I appreciate you guys a lot. I love you all a lot. Have an amazing week and I will see you next Thursday or whenever you listen again. Bye everybody. Love you guys. Forehead kiss. We're here with Phil talking about what's new with heart Nissan Phil. What are some good reasons somebody should buy now? That's a great question. We all know that car shopping could be an overwhelming process. Plus people are uncertain about a lot these days. Partisan recognize that? So we rolled up a heart rewards program. All new and pre-owned vehicle purchases. Get one year identity theft protection 3 Virginia State inspections and multipoint inspections. One year tire Rd Hazard with roadside assistance, a three day vehicle exchange, and. Every purchase or service earns heart rewards points. That's a ton of stuff. It's amazing. Offering all those benefits. It can really save people a lot of headaches and of course, money. Exactly. And we have even more savings right now. Get 0% financing on all new and certified pre-owned Nissan in our inventory. Phil, thanks so much for coming in. Hartnissan.com right, you got it. Hartnissan.com or check us out in the Apple App Store or Google Play Store. Use your head and trust your heart. Maximal finance, $20,000 for 60 months with tier one credit approval within. See dealer for full details.