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Rambles. While I'm driving, the high G-accelerometer on my Apple Watch is checking for extreme changes in force. The gyroscope is scanning for sudden changes in direction, and the barometer is watching for pressure shifts indicative of an airbag going off. So it can detect a car crash, then offer to call for emergency help. And all I have to do is drive. Apple Watch Series 8. Now with car crash detection. The future of health is on your wrist. iPhone 8 or later required, emergency SOS requires a cellular connection or Wi-Fi calling with an internet connection from your Apple Watch or nearby iPhone. Hello. Oh. We're talking about something serious today. We are talking about something serious. So anyone who has been on the internet recently, which is pretty much all of us, let's be honest, has been seeing this conversation about cheaters. When I say cheaters, I mean people who cheat on their significant other in a relationship. I feel like that has been the talk of the town recently, cheaters. It seems a lot of people have been caught cheating recently, which is unfortunate. But this sort of put cheating and the concept of cheating at the front of my mind. Because usually the topics that are at the front of my mind are directly related to what I'm seeing on the internet. Not sure if that's a good thing, but either way, I wanted to talk about cheating today, because it's a really tough subject. And when I was younger, the topic of cheating was very simple to me in my brain. I thought about cheating and I was like, well, obviously cheating is wrong. And anybody who cheats is a terrible human being. And that's it. Period. End of story, right? But as I get older, I'm starting to realize that topics like cheating are much more complicated than I thought when I was a child. Not to stray away too far from the topic today before we even begin, but it seems that a lot of topics that are touchy, you know, like cheating, for example, seemed so obvious and simple to me when I was younger. But now that I'm getting older, I'm starting to see how truly complex issues can really be. Anywho, cheating is a great example of that. I just wanted to talk about it today. We're just going to talk about cheating. So let's get into it. To start, I think we need to nail down why people cheat. Why does this even happen in the first place? There are one and possibly most commonly, I don't know, I'm just guessing, but this seems to be the most popular reason is that the person in the relationship who cheats is struggling with their self-esteem. They're feeling insecure. Maybe they're struggling with their job and they're not getting promoted. They're not getting a raise and they're feeling really bad about themselves. Or maybe they just have a lifetime of insecurity that they just can't seem to get rid of. Or maybe they feel insecure in their relationship because maybe they feel that their partner is cooler and better looking and more successful than them and they feel insecure. This insecurity causes the person to search for instant gratification elsewhere. I will say it's pretty gratifying to find that somebody's attracted to you and wants to have a physical relation with you. That is pretty reassuring because it proves immediately like, wait a minute, I must be hot, I must be cool, I must be awesome because this person wants to kiss me. I can't be so bad. It's a confidence booster. It's an ego booster. If you need that, sometimes cheating on your partner can give you that. If your partner is maybe not reassuring you enough themselves or they make you feel insecure because you put them on a pedestal in some way. Insecurity is definitely huge when it comes to cheating. Also, someone could cheat because they're just bored in their relationship. Maybe they're not having enough sex or interesting enough sex. That's one thing, maybe the spark is gone. The honeymoon phase is over in the relationship. It's not as exciting and exhilarating as it once was. When you first meet, wow, it's a movie. And then a year and a half, two years in, it's like, whoa, this is getting real. This is getting real. Now, the craziest thing we do together is go to the grocery store together. Things are getting a little bit scary because it's not what it used to be. A lack of excitement in a relationship can cause people to cheat because on one hand, they don't want to leave the relationship because it's comfortable and it's safe and it's reliable. But on the other hand, things aren't as spicy as they once were. And the person who cheats wants to feel something spicy again. And rather than using discipline and saying, you know what, I'm going to try to make my current relationship more spicy. I'm going to put some work in. I'm going to have some uncomfortable conversations. I'm going to put extra time and effort into this relationship to hopefully make it spicy again. Doing that, they say, no, I'm going to go find it elsewhere and try to hide it from my partner because I want to have my cake and eat it too. Well, unfortunately, usually it doesn't work out as planned, but regardless. Another reason why people cheat is maybe because they were belling against a controlling partner. This is actually something that I read about on an article. I read a few articles about why people cheat before I recorded this. One was on healthline.com and one was on prevention.com. They both mentioned this. And this is actually the only one I hadn't thought of before. It's rebelling against a controlling partner. This is very interesting to me because all of the other things I'm going to talk about were sort of obvious in my brain and they were already just stored in there as backlog info, like they were just already in my archives of my brain. But this one was not. And so it was very interesting to me. If you have a partner who is very controlling of you, very invasive of your privacy, needs to know where you are at all times, needs to read all of your text messages, needs to be with you 24, 7 is all over you, making sure that you aren't cheating. You aren't misbehaving. You aren't being disloyal. You are being absolutely perfect at all hours of the day. That is an extremely isolating experience because it takes away your individuality when you have a partner who is all up in your business 24, 7. It takes away your sense of individuality and independence because everything that you do is being monitored by your partner. And you and your partner's lives become so intertwined that you feel like you have nothing to yourself anymore. Now it's easy to say, well, if you're in that situation, then why don't you break up with your partner? It's never that easy. Going to the realization that you're in a relationship that's maybe not ideal is never as easy when you're in it as it is in retrospect. You might look back at a shitty relationship you had a few years ago and say, why was I in that for so long? Like, I should have left months before I did. But when you're in it, it's a lot more challenging because the answers don't seem as obvious. So if you're with a controlling partner, but you also don't want to leave this person because you love them and you care about them and you believe that maybe one day they will stop behaving like that. You might decide, you know what? I'm not going to break up with them, but I'm going to go cheat on them because this is exactly what they don't want. I'm going to rebel against them completely and I'm going to stay with them but go and cheat on them because they are suffocating me in a way that's making me feel so controlled that I want to just rebel completely. I do think humans, to a certain extent, are programmed to rebel. You know, there's something satisfying about rebelling and I think this is perfectly showcased by this cheating scenario. Another reason why people may cheat is because maybe they're in a super long term relationship. Maybe they're married. Maybe they've just been together for like 10 years and they're engaged, but like the wedding is just like, we'll plan it later or whatever, whatever, maybe a long term relationship, very long term. And this couple doesn't know life without the other person. Like they are bonded beyond belief. They are in it together for life. They have made that decision a long time ago that they were going to be together forever. And that has just become permanent in their minds, cemented in their minds that they're going to be together forever because they've been together for so long and blah, blah, blah. And if they're married, then it's even more of a commitment. There's even more of a commitment there because they have legally bonded themselves in a way, right? These sort of more intense relationships that are extremely committed more than, you know, your average one or two year relationship that ends up inevitably ending, right? Like we're talking about a serious long term relationship. When you're with somebody for that much time, there is a really good chance that the love, the excitement, the passion might just fade completely. And is there a chance that it could come back at some point? Absolutely. But are there going to be moments within that 10, 20, 30 year period where the passion is completely gone and feels like you could never come back? Absolutely. You hear about that all the time. But when you're in this super long term committed relationship, the idea of ending it completely is almost unimaginable. But the desire for something more exciting and more spicy, as I said earlier, is overwhelming to the point where some people in this scenario feel my only option is to cheat because I can't let go of this person. I don't know my life without them, but at the same time, my human desire is to experience an exciting form of passion again. And I'm not going to feel that with my current partner. So I need to go find it somewhere else. Another scenario where people cheat is when they are on a substance. Maybe it's alcohol. Maybe it's something else. Who knows a substance that removes your inhibitions. Obviously, when people are drunk, they can do crazy shit. Especially when you hit the point where you listen, the number of drinks is different for everyone. For me, it's about five drinks and I'm not me anymore. It's not me anymore. I don't know where I am. I don't know who I am. I don't know where I am. I'm doing shit. I'm doing shit. But I'm barely there. I'm dancing in a way I've never danced before. I'm laughing in a way I've never laughed before. I might be projecting alvameding depending on what I ate before I started drinking and whether or not it mixed well with alcohol. And I'm like, who knows? But like, past a certain point when you're drinking, you're just not you anymore. You're still you. Like in the moment, you're you. And you still have a level of consciousness when you're in that moment. But the next day, you don't remember any of it. You know, you guys know the drill unless you're you know, unless you don't know the drill yet. In which case, I'll tell you, that's the drill. It's obvious that alcohol can cause bad decisions, you know. And cheating on your partner that you love and cherish can be one of them because when you're drunk and you see somebody that's good looking and maybe they're giving you attention and you think that they're attractive and you're attracted to them and they're clearly attracted to you and maybe they're single and you're not, but they don't know that you're not. And then, you know, it's like next thing, you know, you're talking and you're like bonding and you're enjoying yourself and then you're like, ooh, what if I make a little move right now? What if they make a little move right now? I'm kind of down if they do make a move, you know? And then everything goes out the window because your level of judgment isn't there, you know? Your ability to comprehend the potential consequences is not intact. It's not intact. Okay? So, I think a lot of people who cheat, cheat when they are under the influence of some sort of substance, I think that's very common. And then there is the scenario with cheating where somebody acts on impulse in physical attraction and doesn't think about the future consequence because they're so overwhelmed by their sexual desire. Some people I think are more sexually motivated than others. I think that's just the way it is. Like, some people care about sex and prioritize sex more than others. Who knows what that depends on, you know, who knows why that is. But there are some people that maybe feel stronger desires than others. And so people who have extremely strong desires may become blinded by that. Whether they're under the influence or not. I'm in this scenario specifically referring to scenarios where people are not and they just are almost drunk on their own desire. And the power that that has over them is overwhelming to a point where they forget that they love their partner. They forget how amazing their partner is. Their partner doesn't even exist to them because they're so overwhelmed by this desire. And I think that this normally occurs with people who just for whatever reason are more sexually motivated for whatever reason. It never feels good to be carrying around any type of burden, whether it's a small burden or more obviously a large burden. There's no better feeling than getting something off of your back. If you're carrying a credit card balance month after month, it can feel like you're in a never ending cycle of debt with no end in sight, which is not a fun feeling. Upstart can help you make that final payment so that you can get ahead. Upstart is the fast and easy way to pay off your debt with a personal loan all online, whether it's paying off credit cards, consolidating high interest debt or funding personal expenses. Over a million people have used upstart to get one fixed monthly payment with a clear pay off date. 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There are also people who cheat because they're scared of being alone and even if they have a partner, they're like, well, but what happens if my partner leaves me? I am going to cheat just to reassure that I have options out there. I just want to know that I still got it. If this person leaves me, it's all right because I know I still got it and I got reassured and I know that for sure because I cheated and somebody was still interested. I went out there and put myself out there even though I was in a relationship just approved to myself that people out there other than my partner like me and that makes me feel good because now I don't have to be as stressed out in my current relationship about whether or not they're going to leave me and what happens if they do. If they do, I'm not going to be completely alone. There's options out there. This scenario also ties into insecurity, you know, feeling insecure more specifically in the relationship, which can stem from a lot of things, you know what I mean? Like if you've been cheated on before, other sort of upsetting incidents that have happened you throughout your life or maybe you've been abandoned in some way, having insecurity and relationships can come from so many different things. And the last scenario that I'm going to be talking about today where someone might cheat is if two people are in sort of a toxic relationship, toxic in the sense of being mean to one another, treating each other disrespectfully, being dishonest with one another, et cetera. Being in a toxic relationship can cause a lot of anger in both individuals involved. And what does anger make you want to do? Seek revenge. And if you're angry at your partner because you guys have a toxic back and forth constantly, what better revenge than to cheat on them? You guys are in a fight, go cheat. It's revenge. Cheating can be revenge as well. So those are a handful of reasons why cheaters cheat. There's probably more. But as we just discussed, there are so many different reasons why someone might cheat. There's no obvious reason. Like there's no one straight reason. There are so many different root causes. And I think that that's important to remember because if you yourself experience cheating or you yourself gets the desire to cheat or if you know someone who cheated on someone else, you shouldn't jump immediately to conclusions about yourself or others because the reasoning behind it sort of impacts the final conclusion. You know what I'm saying? Because someone who cheated because they're rebelling against a controlling partner versus someone cheating just because they're acting on impulse and they were drunk and they thought somebody was hot and they were like, I don't care. Those are two kind of different actions. They're both still not good. Point blank, you shouldn't cheat. You know what I mean? You should avoid it at all costs. But the reasoning for it does impact, I would argue, it does impact the level of the blow. You know, like how extreme it is, how morally corrupt it is. So why is cheating so frowned upon in our society? I mean, it's obvious. You made a promise to another person and you broke that promise. In general, in society, making a promise and breaking that promise, it's frowned upon, but the truth is is that the desire to want to cheat is not evil. I don't think. Wanting to cheat is natural if your needs in your relationship or your needs in life are not being met. If your needs in life are not being met, you might find yourself feeling insecure, which could make you want to cheat. If your needs in your relationship are not being met, that might make you want to cheat. Even if your partner is perfect and even if you would never actually do it, the desire to cheat within itself is natural and normal. And not everyone is going to feel it, but a lot of people do. And the truth is, it's not your desires that maybe make you a bad person, but it's your actions and the action of actually going out there and cheating. That is what's wrong because the difference between those who want to cheat and those who actually cheat is that the people who wanted to cheat but didn't, they are not bad people because they fought against their temptation to do the wrong thing to serve themselves in their ego in some way. They fought against that desire and they decided to handle it in a different way. Maybe a more challenging way, but a more morally sound way. Whereas those who went and cheated maybe took the easy way and they said, you know what, I don't want to have a conversation with my partner. I don't want to end my relationship with my partner so that I can go and hook up with whoever I want. No, I want to stay with them and then I want to also not be with them for one evening at the same time. Or maybe for a lot of evenings depending on what kind of cheating we're talking about, but you see what I'm saying. Instead of being proactive and either ending the relationship or trying to fix the relationship, they went out and just cheated so that they can have their cake and eat it too. When someone feels the desire to cheat, they shouldn't feel guilty about it, but instead they should self reflect, think about why they're feeling that way. Is it them? Is it their partner? Is it their relationship? What is it? And then talk to your partner about the situation. You don't have to go to your partner and say, I really want to cheat on you. I just do. I've been thinking about it. I've been looking around at people. I've been getting kind of excited about other people, which is, you know, like you don't just say that. You can just say, listen, this relationship, it's on the rocks right now. Things aren't going so good. Okay. Here's why you make me feel insecure because you don't give me enough attention. You don't tell me that you love me enough. And I need that from you because that makes me feel secure in this relationship. Or you might reflect and think, wow, this is a personal issue. I'm feeling really insecure right now because I just got laid off from my job and I feel bad about myself and I feel like I'm not providing my partner with support from like my job. And that's making me feel useless and insecure. And it's making me want to cheat because I need a little boost of confidence right now. If that's the case, then it's like, okay, figure out what you can do in your life. What actionable steps you can take in your life to boost your confidence in a way that doesn't hurt anyone. You know, maybe it's applying for new jobs. Maybe it's leaning into your creative side while you have some time off while you're looking for a job. You know what I mean? It's like figuring out those things and being proactive about taking the high road. When you cheat, you're stealing time away from your partner. Whether your partner sucks or not, whether they're shitty or not, you're stealing time away from them and yourself by cheating on them. Because both of you are in a relationship that is not serving either of you. And that's a waste of both of your times. And if your partner is a good loyal partner and they are using discipline and self-control every day to be a loyal and caring partner to you and you are not, it's just not fair. Now let's think for a second in the mind of a cheater. What goes on in the psyche of somebody who cheated on their significant other? There's no reason not to save money when you can. There's no reason. So it's like, might as well with Rakuten, you can easily earn cash back at over 3,500 stores that you recognize and love and Rakuten covers basically every category. 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And I think that the feeling of guilt in that scenario is necessary because I think that that feeling of guilt is going to help you grow if you utilize it properly. In order to grow from a mistake, you have to reflect on yourself and ask yourself, why did I do this? And how can I create a situation in my life moving forward where I won't do this again? Maybe I need to be single for a while. Date someone who aligns with me more on a sexual level. Date someone who's more emotionally available. Date somebody who is a better partner for me personally. That's literally exactly what I just said. I just said that like in three different versions three times. Anyway, you get what I'm saying. What should I do in the future to create a relationship environment for myself that will not make me want to cheat where I won't be inspired to cheat? If you're able to figure that out and sort of make a pact with yourself like, you know what? I'm not going to do this again. I'm not going to cheat again. I don't want to do this again. Then although it may be a mistake and it might have hurt your significant other, you can forgive yourself in a way knowing that you learned from it and that's what mistakes are for for learning and for bettering yourself and just trying to be a better person. You know, and then in that case, it's a life experience that will hopefully help you make better decisions moving forward. Although you may be able to forgive yourself though, your partner may not and there's a good chance they may never forgive you. Who knows? But that's up to them. And at the end of the day, any mistake that you learn from is a valuable life experience. It's not good if you cheat and you're like, I hurt someone. I hurt someone bad, but I had a lot of fun. So I'm going to keep doing it again. If that's the mindset and there are people out there that have that mindset, it's fucked up. It exists. If that's where you're at, I don't know. I don't know. That's hopefully one of these days you'll figure it out because that's kind of when shit starts to get a little evil. But if it was a one off mistake, maybe it's something that just happened a couple times, but you're seriously dedicated to not doing it again, then consider it a valuable life experience that you will learn from. Because at the end of the day, we all fuck up. We all fuck up. We just all do. And I think to look at somebody who's a cheater and to immediately think that they're just absolutely an unfixable human being, that that is like the ultimate sin, if you will. Not, not, I'm using the word sin in like a less religious sense, but you get what I'm saying. Like sin meaning the ultimate wrong thing to do. Okay, you know, I don't have another word to use but sin. That's not really okay. Whatever. Anyway, I think that looking at people who cheat as just kind of unfixable and evil is not constructive either. You know, everybody makes mistakes. Like people just do bad shit sometimes. You know, it's just, it happens. But it's about why it happened and whether or not they were able to learn from it. That is what we have to base our judgment off of. We can't just look at a cheating situation from a bird's eye view and say, this person is an unfixable person. We have to look at them and say, well, let's give them a chance, you know, let's hear them out. Let's hear their side of the story. Why did they do this? You know, what are they going to do moving forward? And in some situations, it's like, no, they didn't learn. They just wanted to be selfish and that's it. But in some situations, it's like, no, that was just weird. That was just a weird one off, weird fluke. Just fuck up. I also think that there is a lot to be said for the context as well. You know, how old was the person who cheated? Somebody who is older should in theory, you know, have more discipline and self control than someone who's like 20 years old and is just now dating for the first time. Is the person who cheated a parent or are they again, like a 20 year old who's just now figuring out how to date? There's a lot of important details that sort of help determine how truly fucked up the situation is. And so I think that if you are the cheater, it's up to you to look at yourself and this specific situation that you're in and say, okay, am I just a young person who just is trying to figure this shit out? And am I, do I have my whole life to learn from this? Yes. Or am I an older person who's supposed to have wisdom and maturity, you know, and I may be married and have kids? Wow, I had kind of less of an excuse because I literally spent $200,000 on a wedding just to do this. And I had a child with this person and they trusted me and I did this. You know what I mean? And now this person is forever tied to me because we had a child together. There's a lot of nuance. There's a lot of nuance. But it's up to the person who did it to hold themselves accountable for the level of severity. Now let's think from the perspective of the person who has cheated on. If you have been the best partner that you can be and you've treated your significant other with respect, given them space and privacy and done your absolute best and they still cheat, you can go to sleep at night knowing that it is their problem in not yours. I think the most challenging decision that somebody has to make when they've been cheated on is whether or not they're going to stay with their partner. I feel like it comes down to two paths. Number one, if you can never see them the same way again and you don't have the energy to figure out a way to forgive them and maybe the relationship was already sort of fizzling in a way that you didn't know how to mend, then it's time to break up and maybe, you know, the cheating situation was a miracle that showed you, hey, this relationship isn't working out. Wake up, you know, you're in autopilot. Wake up. This shit's not working. Get out of it now and be free. Fly away. But it could also go a different direction. Maybe you're committed to making it work with them. Maybe you're married and you have kids and you have a pretty positive relationship overall that maybe could use some help or therapy or something like that, but like, you know, overall, it's something worth fighting for. Or maybe you're really young and your partner made an immature mistake that they may never make again. Maybe you can really tell that they learn from it. Who knows if you feel like you could make it work with them and you're confident that you could move forward with the relationship and grow from it together and become stronger together from it, then maybe you stay together. I used to be completely opposed to anyone cheating at all. I was like, if you, I don't care what the reason is, if you cheat, if someone cheats that relationship must end immediately, now I don't think the answer is as obvious because I've heard stories before about couples who have been together for like years and years and years and years. And in the beginning of their relationship when they were both really young, one of them cheated and it was like traumatic, but they learn from it. It was a big mistake and they learn from it and they felt that pain and they grew from it and they were like, I never want to do this again. I'm never doing it again and they never did do it again and they're still together to this day. You know what I'm saying? I've heard stories like that. And so I think that there's no one size fits all answer for cheating. I don't think that there's one level of severity when it comes to cheating. I don't think that there's a rule book on how to handle it. I think it's very situational and complicated. It's a lot more complicated than I ever imagined. Personally for me, I would have a really hard time being with somebody who cheated on me because I will say, although I am imperfect in a lot of ways. Trust me, a lot of ways. One of my strengths in life is my loyalty to people. Until they're not loyal to me, but I will say just by nature, I'm a very loyal person. A lot of people are. You know, it's a common trait. But it's something that I take pride in is my honesty and my loyalty, especially in relationships. It is a huge priority to me to treat my partner as I want them to treat me. And like that is my number one priority in a relationship. And because of that, if somebody that I was with decided to cheat on me, I don't think that I can handle it because it's something that I honestly really, the likelihood of me ever cheating is very slim. Is it possible? I guess so. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I don't think it's possible. But then again, you never want to say never because life comes out you fast. You know what I mean? I don't know. But I, it's the likelihood of me doing that is very slim. And if I were to do that to somebody, I would not expect them to forgive me. Truthfully, no matter what my reasoning was. Even if it was the most innocent version of cheating because I was feeling insecure myself and it had nothing to do with my partners, just me being insecure. And that's why I did it for an ego boost. I would argue that's the least harmful reason. Maybe because it truly is nothing to do with your partner, right? It's like truly just selfishness, right? I would never expect my partner to understand that or even have to. And to forgive me for that. No, I would not expect anyone to forgive me for that. So for me, in my personal relationships, because of who I am and because of the way that I live my life, I couldn't deal with it, right? But there might be some people out there who are like, I, I maybe understand the desire to cheat a little bit more than the next guy. And because of that, I'm going to be more understanding and forgiving if my partner does decide to cheat. It just depends on you. And who knows, I might get cheated on in my life, in my perspective will change. And I'll be like, wait a minute, you know what? No, I'm in a situation where I want to work through this. I'm going to find a way to work through this. I don't know. But I think the moral of this episode is that cheating is a lot more complicated than just the act itself. And to remember that, to finish off this episode, I'm going to discuss the statement. Once a cheater always a cheater. Do I think it's true? Do I think it's false? I don't know for sure. But at this point in my life, based on all of the thinking and analysis that I've done on this, I would say sometimes. And that's the problem. There are some people out there that cheat ones and never do it again. They learn their goddamn lesson and they're like, whoa, that fucking suck. That was not worth it. And I'm never doing it again. And they never do. But there are some people out there who are serial cheaters who are not fun people to be around, and especially to date. Maybe they're fun to be around, but they're not fun to date. There are serial cheaters out there that will cheat and cheat and cheat and they're just dissensitized to it. They don't even feel it anymore. Once a cheater always a cheater, it's a pointless statement because sometimes it applies and sometimes it doesn't. So I don't think it's a rule to live by. I think that instead, you got to look at each situation as its own separate situation. And on that note, that's all I got for today. Let me know what you guys think of cheating on Twitter on Instagram. The Twitter is at AG podcast. The Instagram is at anything goes. Let me know what you think of cheating. Do you, like, where are you standing on it? What's your, what's your outlook on it? I'm really curious. This is just where I'm at with it. Who knows? It could change tomorrow. I always, when I talk about things on the podcast, it's just kind of where my head space is at this given moment. But nothing's ever set in stone and I love hearing your guys' opinions as well. So please share those with me if you feel like it. And that is all I have for today. I appreciate you guys for listening and hanging out. I love you all very much. I love getting to talk to you every week. New episodes of anything goes come out every Thursday. You can subscribe on any platform that you stream podcasts. You can check out Chamberlain Coffee, my coffee company. If you'd like to pick up some coffee tea, coffee accessories, tea accessories, whatever your heart desires, you can use code AG15 for a little discount. Special for you guys who listen. I hope you have a beautiful week. And I will talk to you soon. Bye bye.