Emma prefers to share her thoughts with a microphone rather than a physical human being, so thank god she has a podcast. Recorded from the comfort of her bed, Emma talks at length about whatever is on her mind every week. Anything really does go on this podcast. Sometimes philosophy, sometimes a random story from 10 years ago, sometimes advice, and sometimes nothing at all. You never know what you are going to get, but that’s what keeps it interesting. New episodes every Thursday.
Fri, 08 Apr 2022 21:21
this one is a bit different. normally before i do episodes i have everything all figured out (ok at least i try to). gonna be real with you guys, i don’t have all the answers here. i’ve dealt with this issue for years, and it’s been quite a journey, but i’ve learned a lot that i want to share that can hopefully help some of you. let’s work on it together. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Carvana has purchased over a million cars from Happy customers by giving them an offer within minutes, and they can do the same for you. Carvana will give you a real offer for your car within minutes. Then they'll come to pick up your car and pay you on the spot. So to get a real offer on your vehicle in minutes, download the app or visit carvana.com. Hello. Today's episode. Is a little bit different for me because usually when I decide to talk about a subject. I decide to talk about it after I've worked through it, I decide to talk about it once. I feel like. I have it handled. But today's topic is the complete opposite. I don't have this handled at all. Do I have a little handle on it? Do I have a little grasp on how to handle it? Maybe but. I'm not as far along. As I'd like to be. But regardless, I decided I wanted to talk about it this week, and that is. Self acceptance and body image. I've gotten a lot of requests from you guys to talk about. These things and. I've touched on it a little bit here and there. But to be honest, I kind of avoid this topic as much as possible. Because. It's a really uncomfortable topic for me because it's one of my biggest struggles in life. And it has been since I was a child. When I look at the list in my brain of all the struggles I have, this is at the top. And that makes it a really uncomfortable topic for even me to talk about. And I'm somebody who will talk about anything. OK, I will talk about anything. I will. One day I'll tell you the story about how I **** the bed. A few weeks ago, I literally **** the bed. I'll tell you the story. At some point not yet. That's not for this. That's not for this episode. It's a good story though. But anyway, like, I will talk about anything. Truly, but this is one of the topics. That makes me uncomfortable. But that's why I want to do this episode because. I think that it's important to talk about these things. And. I know that there's someone out there. That will relate to me and because of that. We're going to be discussing it today. So I thought I would start out with kind of. My history with my struggle. With my body image. And with overall self acceptance. I would say that the first time I noticed. That I wasn't pleased with how I looked. Was when. I was maybe 10 or 11. And it was when I went to middle school, and in middle school there was a group of popular girls. Obviously I wanted to be friends with them, and eventually I kind of did become friends with them. I never fully felt accepted, but I I I got in there. I squeezed in there a little bit, but not fully. Whatever. But. I remember seeing this group of popular girls on the first day of middle school and. Number one, wanting to be friends with them, but #2 just wanting to be them because. I thought that they were prettier than me. All of them. I thought that their clothes were cooler. Their clothes fit them better than my clothes fit me. They had prettier faces. In my opinion, they were just prettier and cooler and better than me in my eyes, and I had not really felt like that before. And I remember having thoughts about how I could become more like them. I started looking at what they were eating for lunch. And thinking maybe I should eat what they're eating, I started looking at what brands they were buying their clothes from, and I was like, maybe I could. You know, buy clothes from the same brand as them. And I started trying to morph into these popular girls. And. I never really felt satisfied. By the end of middle school. I had realized that I'd spent the entirety of my middle school experience trying to be like these girls and never quite meeting the mark. Always feeling like I was falling short and always feeling dissatisfied with. What I looked like and. How I compared to these other girls, but it was time for high school. And when I was in high school, I was a cheerleader. I was also a cheerleader at the end of middle school. But. In high school as a cheerleader. And this was not good for my body image either. Because. In the cheerleading world. All the girls that do cheerleading want to be strong. They wanna look really strong, you know, have like a ******* six pack when they're like 14 years old and like, have big muscles and like, whatever. That was kind of the aesthetic that was praised in the cheerleading world. And so I wanted to be like that. And when I looked at myself in the mirror, I was not like that. And so I started working out all the time trying to make myself look like. These other cheerleaders that were so strong and so. Majestic looking. And I beat myself up over it, I. Was. Just. Spending hours and hours a day trying to achieve this. And by the end of my cheerleading career, I had realized I didn't achieve it. I had spent all this time. Busting my *** to try to look a certain way and I never got there. I never accomplished it. I still. Looked in the mirror at the end of every day, dissatisfied and unhappy. With how I looked. And then a few years went by and I kind of got over it for a little bit. I don't know what happened or what changed. It might have been my environment, who knows, but I kind of stopped caring about. My body image and I. Kind of spontaneously. Started accepting myself. I think it was because. I was in a more accepting environment. Because when I was in middle school. And when I was a cheerleader. I was constantly comparing myself. To other girls. But during the later years of high school, I felt like a lot of the. Popularity hierarchy had died down and I was no longer a cheerleader. So. I I didn't feel like I was in an environment where I was competing with other girls appearance, especially going to all girls. School by the way, went to an all Girls high school. Going to all girls school was kind of nice in this way because. We all came to school looking like ****. It didn't matter if you were the most quote UN quote popular girl in school, you were coming to school. With your hair not brushed in, your legs not shaved because we went to all girls school. Nobody was like trying to be cute at school, so I felt like it was kind of a neutral environment. In and it like. At that school, your appearance didn't matter. You know what I'm saying? Because? None of us were like. In any way trying to show our attractive side that was almost. Hidden when we were at school and then obviously when I was at home like. What? I'm going to compare myself to my parents like, oh, I wish I had. My mom's hair, like, I don't know, like, you know what I'm saying? So I just didn't have any. Competition, I didn't feel like. And I was good for a few years, I feel like. I truly was comfortable in my own body and my own skin. I didn't even really think about it. It just kind of. Went out of my mind and it was great. Did I have other struggles? Absolutely. I had a lot more struggles with my identity during that time, like who I am as a person and what my personality is. I was having a lot more struggles with that, but less with my physical body. If that makes sense. I felt like I was accepting my physical self. But then I started my YouTube channel and then. People started. Looking at me on the Internet and at first this wasn't a problem. Because. At this point, when I started my YouTube channel, I didn't care about what I looked like. I would post videos where you could see clearly that I had a bunch of acne. You could see clearly that my hair was dirty. You could see clearly that I didn't shave my legs. Like it didn't matter. I didn't care because. At the time that I started my YouTube channel and started gaining a following on the Internet I. Was still in high school in this environment where I just didn't feel. Competitive or insecure about my appearance? And so for the first year or two, maybe even of my. Internet life where I have a following on the Internet. I was pretty confident in myself, I mean. I don't remember having. Many body image issues I mean. Of course, every once in a while you're going to be dissatisfied with what you look like. That's just human. But overall, I would say my relationship with my appearance was pretty healthy and normal. And then something shifted. Because. I remember. One day. I was reading through comments. And somebody commented about. My weight. And I think I've actually talked about this before. Somebody, somebody discussed a weight fluctuation that I had had which I didn't even notice or care about, but the comment. Was discussing. My weight fluctuation in a negative way. And this. Honestly, has has damaged me ever since. Because. It brought something to the forefront of my mind that I. Had hidden for so long, you know, for so long I was able to accept myself for who I was and. Except my body for exactly the way that it was, despite its fluctuations and. I didn't even really think about what my body looked like very much. I I like. I just didn't really care, I mean. I cared as much as a normal human being would, but no more than that. But this comment. Brought me back to when I was in middle school and when I was a cheerleader. It brought me back to this feeling of. Hating what my body looks like. In in hating being stuck in my body. So I decided that I needed to improve my appearance. And I did everything I possibly could to do that. Whether that was. Exercising more or. You know, getting facials done so that I can heal all of my acne, whatever it may have been. I I was doing everything I could to try to make myself look as. Good. In my eyes as I could. And. It turned into. A sort of obsessive thing. Where I'm obsessing over what I look like, I'm obsessing over taking all the necessary steps I need to take to look as good as I possibly can. And meanwhile. People are on the Internet are saying. How cool it is that, you know, I show my acne and I don't really care what I look like and all this stuff. People are saying this about me. While meanwhile in my head I'm like but I want to look perfect now. I don't want to show all the sides of myself anymore. I showed all the sides of myself. I didn't care what I look like. And that one stupid ******* comment. Just ruined all of it and I can't do it anymore. I can't be vulnerable like that anymore. I'm scared now because I can't handle those words. I need to be perfect so that I never have to read those words again. I never have to read any kind of. Negative. Comment about my body or my appearance ever again. That was just the straw that broke the camel's back and. Ever since that point, that was probably, I don't know, what, three years ago now, four years ago now, ever since that point, I've struggled a lot with. Self acceptance and my body image. We're talking about Macy's again. 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Like it never snows, but I need to be leaning into the winter. Entire this year, because last year I wasn't going hard enough. So I will be picking up a few things from Macy's if you need to get some stuff for fallcheckoutmacys.com, that's macys.com. You'll find what you need. I can guarantee you that. OK, so I've told you guys about circle before, right? Spelled CIRKUL. Circle was created for people like me, OK, who don't drink enough water every day circles basically this water bottle with over 40 flavor cartridges that makes drinking water way more tasty. The flavors cover all the bases. They have fruit, punches, iced teas. Some even have caffeine or electrolytes, but there's no sugar, there's no calories, and there's no artificial flavors. My favorite flavor is strawberry Kiwi. And my favorite thing about it is I love how the dial on the cartridge lets you choose how much flavor you get per sip. All you have to do is twist the dial to a certain number for how much flavor that you want and you're ready to go. So the cool thing about it is that you can put the cartridge on. And you can set it to whatever setting you want. So you could set it to a setting where when you take a sip of water, it just tastes like water, so there's no flavor added. But if you're in the mood to add some flavor, you can twist it a little bit. And then you have a super flavorful sip. Right now Circle is giving all of my listeners. Up to 35% off their order, plus free shipping on all orders of $15 or more. Plus, as an added bonus, we're throwing in my favorite flavor, strawberry Kiwi, for free. Just visitdrinkcircle.com/emma that's drinkcirkul.com/emma to get this limited time offer today. Again, that's drinkcircle.com/emma. That comment that I read that one day. Tattooed in my brain. That. I need to be perfect all the time, because if I'm not. Somebody will catch it. Somebody will see me in a moment when I'm not perfect. I don't look perfect. And they'll say something mean about it. And it's been a constant battle ever since. And. I think that that's normal. I think that that's normal and for me, you know this moment when I read that comment. Was the beginning. Of this struggle for me. But it wasn't the sole cause of this struggle because. This struggle that I have is fed by so many things. Outside of just that one comment that I got that one day. Because now when I look back at that comment, I'm like, that comment is stupid. Like, who ******* cares? Like, who cares? If I gain a pound, if I lose a pound, it's nobody's ******* business besides mine. It doesn't ******* matter, and it has nothing to do with who I am as a human being. Absolutely nothing. That comment is stupid and means nothing to me now. But. It tattooed that message in my brain, and that message stuck in my brain, even though that comment no longer means anything to me. And as I said earlier, there are many things that feed this insecurity in this struggle for me, one of them being the the Internet. OK, the Internet. Because. I don't care how much of a grandma I sound like when I say this, but. Scrolling through Instagram. Makes me feel self-conscious. It makes me feel. Like I'm not pretty enough. It makes me feel like. I'm not doing enough stuff with my life. It makes me feel like. I should change things about my appearance. It makes me feel like all of those things. And I consider myself to be someone who is resilient when it comes to the Internet and the the. Struggles that come with it, but even I. Spend too much time on Instagram. And put my phone down feeling like. I'm a disgusting ***** ** ****. Like, I'm serious and you know, so that doesn't help. But also. For whatever reason. When I'm struggling in my life in other ways. Maybe I'm not feeling proud of. The work that I'm doing maybe? I'm not getting along with my family, whatever it may be, when I'm having a struggle in one area of my life. It affects my body image for some reason because when I don't feel perfect in other areas of my life when I look in the mirror, it also makes me not feel perfect right? It weirdly is all connected and so. Obviously this this struggle that I've had with my body image is. Complex. And it has multiple facets to it, right? It's it's not a simple thing. It's not like, ohh Emma got that one mean comment. That one day, and she's been a mess ever since. It's not that simple. That kind of started it. That kind of hit the first domino, but. It's evolved into far more, and I think that I would regret it if I didn't mention that. This has been something that has remained in the back of my mind. Since middle school, since that point in middle school when I was comparing myself to those popular girls. This. Belief that I'm. Not pretty enough. I'm not good enough. My body. Is in. As good as it should be, whatever the **** that means. That is remained in the back of my head. Ever since I was in middle school. But. I would say it's had moments where it's gone into remission, if that makes sense. It it never fully went away even during that. In high school when. I felt pretty good and I and I was. Pretty comfortable in my own body. I'm certain that. That. Toxic voice was still in the back of my head. I know it was still back there, it just wasn't in the forefront. I am not sure that. I will ever fully figure this out. In this present day. I go through phases with this, right? I'll have a few months where I don't even care what I look like. I don't care. And then I'll have months where it's all I can think about. And I'm so self-conscious and I'm so dissatisfied. That it ruins my whole life. I go back and forth and. The weirdest thing about it is that. I don't think it's actually obvious from the outside looking in because. I've never been somebody who wears a lot of makeup, dresses up super fancy all the time. I've never been somebody like that. So you might click on one of my old YouTube videos and see me with my hair a ******* mess and wearing PJ's in and looking like a mess and think there's no way that she cared about what she looked like at this time because she looked so. Unkempt. She looks like a mess, right? But. The interesting thing about it is that for me, my body image has nothing to do with like what I'm wearing or whether or not my hair is brushed and. It's deeper than that. Because when I'm in a good place, I can look in the mirror. And have messy hair and be in PJS and not have showered for two days and think, wow, actually look kind of cute. But when I'm in a bad place, I look in the mirror like that and I'm like, I look like, **** it. It doesn't even have anything to do with like whether or not I'm all made-up and I'm in a fancy outfit or whether I'm not. It has nothing to do with that. It's it's so much deeper than that. So if you look back at my old videos and and see me. Looking kind of messy, don't assume that. I was in a good place at that time because. It's impossible to know. You know, because I. I've never based. My body image. On the clothes that I'm wearing or the makeup that I'm wearing, or whether or not my hair is brushed, it's it's always a deeper thing than that. Umm. Which I think is really interesting. I think that our. Society. Right now is very hyper focused on appearance. And on body image and on all of these things, for many reasons, obviously #1 being the fact that the Internet. Is the most toxic place. For body image and self acceptance on the planet because people are. Editing their photos. People are getting plastic surgery, which I don't. Think is necessarily a bad thing, so don't get that twisted. But it can be confusing if if you see somebody who has surgery and you don't know whether or not they have, so you're comparing your natural body to their. Slightly altered body and then that's confusing. And that's not the other person's responsibility either, right? I mean, it's like it's kind of a complicated issue because it's like people on the Internet might be editing their photos. They might be. Getting surgery, whatever it may be, to make themselves feel better. And it's not necessarily their responsibility to announce to the world that they've done that because. People can do whatever they want, but it's also not your fault if you see it and you compare yourself to it and feel like **** because. You can't distinguish what's real and what's not. That's why the internet's so terrible, because it's like you see so much stuff every day with no context. And. It's kind of nobody's fault. I also think that. This society, our society that we live in. Uh, puts. A disgusting amount of value on appearance. And I don't know why that is. It. It's so weird because. I feel like by now we should all know that what someone looks like just doesn't ******* matter. Like, at all. And. It's just completely irrelevant to whether or not somebody is a good person, or if they're talented, or if they're nice, or if they're. Wise or it doesn't have anything to do with that, you know. I think that. The value that's put on appearance. Is completely ridiculous. Do I think that there is room in this world to appreciate people's beauty? Absolutely. But do I think that there needs to be value on it? No. That's where we're all going wrong here, because I even struggle with this. I have moments where I don't feel as pretty, I don't feel as good in my body, and it makes me feel less valuable, which is just, like, so ridiculous. Because. My value as a human being has nothing to do with what I look like at any given moment. It just doesn't. But for some reason that is so ingrained in my brain, and I think it's because throughout history, people who are deemed good looking. By what judge I don't know. But people who are deemed good looking get rewards. Right. Which is again stupid, but. It is what it is, and so I think that we all grew up. Seeing people who are considered. Perfect and gorgeous to be rewarded. And so. Now we all place value on it. I don't have an idea on how to solve that. You know, I don't know. I don't know what the solution to that entire societal issue is, right? I mean, I'd love to. Press a button in the whole world, shift their view of beauty. To. Look at it as something that is simply beautiful, rather than look at. It. As something that has value, you know, I wish I could press a button and that would shift, but it's not going to happen. So. In the meantime. The best thing that we can do is focus inward and. Figure out ways that we can all learn. To better accept ourselves for who we are. And to accept our body image for what it is. Regardless. Of what's around us, regardless of the Internet. Regardless of. What? Is valued by society. Whatever. The **** who cares? At the end of the day, you got a. Focus on you, you know and. This is one of those situations where you gotta be selfish and figure out a way that you can learn. To better accept yourself and the body that you're in. OK, so if I were to host a live radio show and I could play any music I wanted. I would honestly probably have the time of my Life OK, but I'll admit I would probably end up playing. Just sad music. I don't know what it is about me, but I love sad music, OK? And so I'd probably end up playing. A lot of sad music. Specifically for the people who are listening in the car by themselves. That want to shed a tear in a good way? Well now there is a place that I or you or anyone can host a live show. 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It goes into the back of my head and it goes into remission for a few months until it inevitably comes back out again. To ruin a month for me. The first thing I do is that I get off my phone. I know grandma Emma here to tell you to put your phone down again. I know it's annoying, but the first thing I do is I. Tell myself. You cannot scroll through Instagram for at least 48 hours. I start reading a book. I start watching movies, I just do anything else. Just no scrolling on Instagram, no seeing what everyone else is doing. Just for like 48 hours, maybe for a week, just. Stop all of that. And that within itself will help by at least 50%. When you start. Entertaining yourself in other ways. Maybe that's by reading. Maybe that's by. Watching a movie? Maybe that's by hanging out with friends in in real life. Maybe that's by. Going on a few more walks, whatever it may be. Getting off your phone and doing those. Healthy activities will help ground you to reality again, because a lot of times when we get all wrapped up. And obsessed with what we look like, it's because we're so. Deeply rooted into the reality that's in our phones. That we lose sense of the reality that's in the real world because in the real world. The real, tangible world that we walk around in appearance. And what you look like is a lot less relevant than it is. On the reality that's in your phone. Am I saying that your appearance? Has nothing to do with. Your circumstances in the real world, no, I'm not saying that at all, but I will say that it's a lot less like your appearance comes to play a lot less in the real world than it does on the phone. It's a struggle in both places, don't get me wrong, but it is 500 times worse on the phone, so if you can put that down and be present in real world activities, you'll feel a lot more rooted to reality. The reality that's. Real. That you can touch and feel. And that will help to balance you out. Because reality is a lot more balanced. Reality in the phone is not at all balanced. All the values. Are wrong on the phone. Everything is 50 times more extreme and all of the values are wrong. What is celebrated on the Internet being the most gorgeous, hot, perfect person on the planet and. Drama and fighting and. **** that just sucks, you know what I'm saying? That's what's most celebrated on the Internet. And it's blown out of proportion, whereas in real life. Everything is a lot more. Tone down and realistic. The second thing I do is I remind myself. Of the concept of beauty, because it's kind of not a real thing if you think about. The concept of beauty. It's actually kind of insane, because it it. It's all based on societal opinions, you know, and that's proven by how. The beauty standards has shifted throughout time. And when I remind myself of that. I'm able to take a deep breath and be like, OK, this is not really a real thing, you know what I mean? It's it's not real. Yes. It is real in the sense that if everyone believes in it, it might as well be real. But if you look. Deeper into it, it it doesn't have a lot of powerful substance. It's just. Merely an idea that we all share, but. It's actually quite insignificant in the grand scheme of things. The third thing I remind myself of is that when I'm on my deathbed and I'm dying. Am I going? To care. About what I looked like? No. What am I going to care about whether or not I was happy in my life? And when I'm having a hard time with my body image, let me tell you, I'm not happy, I'm not a happy camper. I hate myself. I hate everyone around me. I feel disgusting. I don't want to go outside, I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to do anything. I get depressed. It makes me anxious, like it's awful and I'm not happy. And that's all. Happening because. I'm being too hard on myself. Which is something that's completely in my control, right? I'm making myself unhappy. You can blame, you know, the Internet, you can blame. Like society's norms, but at the end of the day. You have the power to turn it around if you want. Is it hard? It's literally impossible for me sometimes. Sometimes I cannot do it. As much as I can, and I want to sometimes. It's still impossible, but. You just gotta keep trying. And remember that none of this ****** going to matter. What really matters is what kind of person you are. And that's it. Do you treat people well? Do you work hard? Are you doing your best? OK, great. Then you have nothing to be mean to yourself about and even if you're not doing your best. Or even if sometimes you're an ******* to people. You're still a human being. You just have some stuff to work on, but that's not a reason to hate yourself. There's kind of no reason to hate yourself, ever. That's an unproductive feeling to have. Whether. Anyway, I'm going down a ******* tangent on that one. I I I'm going. This is like 1 long tangent though. So like, who's shopped anyway? Another thing that I remind myself is that. Body image is heavily tied to your overall image of yourself. I've noticed that. In times when my body image is the worst. I'm usually also. Dissatisfied with myself in other ways. They go hand in hand, so if I feel like I'm not being a good enough person, or I'm not working hard enough, or I'm not helping people enough, or I'm not checking in on people enough, whatever may be if I feel like. I'm not a good person on the inside. That also reflects on the outside. So although sometimes I might just feel like **** about myself on the outside, because I do. I would say 40% of the time. My physical body image. Is negatively impacted by. How I feel about myself on the inside as well and so being aware of that. Can be very helpful because. A lot of times if you're struggling with things on the inside and they're starting to show through onto the outside into your body image. You have an actionable item you know. You can say to yourself, OK. What's really bothering me here? Is it the fact that? I feel like I look like **** in this outfit and my hair looks terrible and I don't like the way my body looks. Or do I hate myself for another reason? Do I hate myself because I haven't checked in with my parents in a few weeks because I have been prioritizing? Going to parties instead. And hanging out with my friends and I don't respond to my parents texts when they check in on me. Is it that? Or is it actually that my hair looks like ****? Well, text your parents and check in with them. And then look in the mirror after and see how you feel because a lot of times. It's not even really your physical body, it's actually your internal self. That you're dissatisfied with, but your brain is almost kind of distracting itself. By picking apart your external body. It might be. That you're feeling anxious about a job interview that you have coming up. And you feel. Like you're going to **** it up. You feel like you're gonna **** it up. And this is weighing on you, weighing on you, and making you feel bad about yourself internally once again. And then it's showing through into how you feel about your body. Another thing is that a lot of. The self hatred and the. Dissatisfaction with our physical bodies. Is something that kind of happens subconsciously. It's kind of happening in the background. And it can be really helpful to. Take a moment every once in a while to check in with yourself and check in on what your subconscious mind is doing because you're aware of it, but it's not in the front of your mind. You're aware that your body image might might not be so good, but. It's not something that. You're consciously. Participating in at all times. And so I think it's so important to. Take moments here and there. To really sit down, maybe write in a journal, maybe just lay in your backyard and look up into the sky, whatever it may be, and just ask yourself, OK, wait, what's really going on? Am I feeling good? Am I feeling cute? Am I feeling happy? Am I feeling sad? Am I feeling anxious? What am I feeling? Check in with yourself every once in a while and it's a scary thing to do. I did this yesterday because I've been struggling. A lot with my body image recently. And it was kind of happening in the back of my head, right? But yesterday I sat down. In my front lawn, which sounds kind of psychotic because like, my neighbors probably saw me sitting on my front lawn. Anyway, I sat on my front lawn. And I just. Listen to music and thought. Inward. In reflected inward for like an hour. And I realized, OK, number one, I've been really mean to myself recently and really, really dissatisfied with what I look like and for what? And I. Brought those feelings to the forefront of my brain so that I could address them. And I did. And I feel so much better today. And I still struggling, yes, but because I took the time to sit there by myself and. Address the things that are bugging me in the back of my head. I was able to handle them, or at least begin to handle them, and I think that this all comes down to being mindful and taking time to be mindful so that you can address these things. Properly. And last but not least. The thing that I reminded myself of is that the people in my life that are truly quality people love me, regardless of what I look like. And the same goes for you, the people in your life. That you love most. Don't give a **** about what you look like. They just don't. They don't care. You can even turn the table. Look at somebody in your life that you love. More than anything. As unconditionally as you possibly can, because obviously unconditional love is. A complicated topic, but think about somebody that you love. A lot. Do you care about what they look like? No. You don't value people that you truly love based on what they look like. Well, the same goes reverse. People who truly love you, people who truly deserve to be in your life, don't give a **** about what you look like. It doesn't matter. It just doesn't. I feel like. The people that I love and the people that I care about the most. Their physical appearance. I'm like blind to it now. I don't even see it. It's so irrelevant to me that I I can't even like. I can't even look at the people that I really love in that way anymore. I'm not looking at them. Based on their appearance at all anymore, they've transcended that in my mind and become like just. A being, you know what I'm saying? And the same thing goes for you. You probably feel like that about some people, and I bet people. Feel that way about you? 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On the anything goes Twitter, which is at AG podcast. Also, apparently the AG podcast Twitter did just get verified, so I'm feeling quite fancy right now anyway. Let's answer some questions. Somebody said this talking to people about body image and security actually help. I feel like it's too personal to have a conversation about it, and there must not be any sort of benefit from it since they can't do anything about it. I think that. When you share an insecurity with somebody else or you share a struggle with somebody else. The benefit is not that the other person is going to help you find a solution, but rather talking to somebody about a struggle that you're having allows you to speak the issue out loud, get it out of the confines of your brain, and put it out into the world so that you can talk through it on your own when I go to somebody with a struggle or an insecurity. I always appreciate advice, but I never expect advice. Instead, I just want somebody to listen to me work through it. And I think the key is is that? When you have something deeply personal. Like a struggle or an insecurity, it's best to go to people that you really, really trust. Just so that you can feel comfortable to fully flesh out your issue so that you personally can find a solution. I don't think it's pointless to talk about it, because I think that talking about things with other people, not only. Allows you to speak these things out loud, but can also potentially give you. Another perspective from another person if the person that you're talking to. Has some two cents to share. Somebody said I've struggled with self acceptance since I've had memory. And I don't know what to do anymore. I just kind of gave up and accepted that I'm never going to love myself. I understand this feeling. Because, you know, for the past four years. It's been a constant ebb and flow of. Hating myself and then being. OK with myself and then hating myself again and then being fine with myself. Like not being stoked about myself, but like being fine with myself. And it's been this constant battle and it's never been perfect. And the truth is, is that it it might never be perfect. But you have to take it day by day. You can't wake up and decide. I already know that today I'm not going to be. Nice to myself. You can't wake up in the morning and already have decided that you don't accept your body for what it is. You have to wake up every day with a new perspective, and you have to wake up every day and try again. If yesterday you were struggling with your body image, that's OK. Try again tomorrow to do better and to take the steps that you need to take to improve your relationship with your body image. And it's it's it's something that takes constant work. And it's exhausting and it's so annoying. But the truth is is that. You may never feel. Like you have the perfect. Handle on your body image. But you can kind of let it go. At some point. And I think the best way to let it go is to focus on things in life that are more important, like the people in your life that you love, the things that you enjoy doing, the things that you're passionate about if you start. Putting more energy into those things and less on your physical appearance. The negative feelings about yourself will start to lessen and they may never fully go away. But they'll get less and less. Until you realize I don't really give a **** about what I look like because I have so much other stuff that I care about so much more. And that matters so much more. And so who gives a ****? Somebody said I don't know if it's just me, but my mind unintentionally makes me compare myself to every girl and then put it on a mental ranking. How do I stop comparing myself to every girl that I see? This is so hard because a lot of this is subconscious. But. Something that I do when I find myself. Playing these toxic mind games with myself. Like that. I reroute my brain. OK. I actually use this tactic for anxiety a lot where. Every time I have an anxious thought. And I become conscious and aware of it. I think of. A comforting image and I have an image in my head that I always go to. It's a very specific image. I'm. That's comforting to me and safe to me. And so every time I become aware that I'm having an anxious thought, or I feel like I'm getting a panic attack, or I catch myself saying mean things to myself, or I. I start playing these toxic mind games with myself. I put up that image in my brain. I I stopped for a second and I. Concentrate on that image and it might sound stupid. It might sound like. You know, I'm playing mind games with myself, but. What that does is that that stops those thoughts in its tracks and. It forces me to think about something else. And I've noticed that when I'm really consistent about using this strategy, which I'm not sure if it'll work for everybody, this is just something that works for me. Every time I'm having an anxious thought, every time I feel like I'm having a panic attack, all of those things. Every time I feel bad about myself. If I can stop those thoughts. In their tracks using this method. I'm better off doing so. It might. It might not always work. Sometimes the the bad thoughts creep back in again later, but. It's a tactic that works to kind of. Train your brain to shut down those thoughts. And it's been actually quite useful for me, but another thing that you can remember is that. Everybody is on their own journey, and if you're looking at somebody and you think that they're prettier than you and and in this theory. They rank higher than you on on your imaginary mental ranking of girls. If they rank higher than you. Remember that you don't know everything about them and there are definitely things about their life that you would hate to live with, and you might not even know what they are. Maybe they have a terrible relationship with their parents, but you have a great relationship with their parents. Maybe they have. A disease that makes their life more difficult and you don't even know about it. You don't know what someone else is going through, so you might be looking at somebody else and think, oh, I want their life, and there's so much prettier than me and they rank higher than me on this imaginary scale. You don't even know what they're going through. It it's pointless to compare yourself to somebody else because. Number one, it's not getting you anywhere but #2 you don't know the full story, you don't know everything about them, so you can't compare yourself accurately to them because you don't know what they're going through. And there's a decent chance that if you were in their shoes, you would realize. That they got their own. Set of struggles. And their life isn't any better than yours. Comparison is a pointless. Thought to have. Comparing yourself to other people doesn't accomplish anything at all. Somebody said how to stop constantly comparing myself to what I'm seeing online. I think what you got to do is you gotta get offline because unfortunately when you're online for too long. It becomes nearly impossible to stop comparing yourself. The only way to stop is to put the phone down and just do anything else, anything in the real world. Somebody said. How to start looking at food as nourishing rather than calories? This is a really, really, really tough thing, especially nowadays when. On the Internet, there's so much. Talk about. Food. And dieting. And all of this ********. It's also extra hard because there's so much conflicting information. And the whole thing is very. Complicated and confusing and upsetting. But I think that the way that you can reframe looking at food. Is that? You can look at it as something that's like oxygen. Or water. We need oxygen in water to live and we never feel guilty about it. We never. Put any thought to it. It's just something that we all know that we need, and so we give it to ourselves. I mean, we don't give ourselves oxygen because that is in the air, but you know what I'm saying? We we we give ourselves water to drink. And we give ourselves. The space to breathe, because those are things that we need and we never. Question it because it's something that we need. It's the same thing with food. Food is just simply something that we need. And I know that if you're struggling with food, which I have in the past. And even sometimes to this day. I understand that when you're in a place where. You are. Looking at food as the enemy because you feel like food. Is the reason why you don't. Accept your body. It's really hard to reframe your thinking. And start looking at food as something like oxygen or water, something that we just simply need. But it's a. It's a process that takes time and. If you're struggling with food, something that I recommend is. Every time that you're sitting down for a meal. And if you're feeling bad about the food in some way. Close your eyes. And think. I'm so grateful that I get to eat this food because this food allows me to do all of the things that I love to do, whether that's play sports, whether that's. Make art, whether that's. Run around town with my friends, whether that's. Going for walks early in the morning, whatever it may be, think about something that you love physically doing and then think about how the food that you're about to eat is going to power you through those things that you love so much that make you so happy. And I know that it's hard. But if you can, try. To shift those negative emotions into more positive emotions, that's an amazing first start. Somebody said I feel like a huge reason why I haven't gotten into a serious relationship with anyone yet is because I'm terrified of what they'll think of my body once we get more intimate. How do I get over this fear? When someone truly loves and cares about you. Truly. Your body will be beautiful to them no matter what. No matter what. If you shaved your legs. If you didn't shave your legs. If you gain a pound. If you lost a pound. If your ***** aren't perfect. If one's a little bit bigger than the other. If Somebody Loves You, they don't care. They do not care. Because. When you truly love somebody, like love transcends. The. Surface level ******** of your physical appearance. It transcends into something far deeper. I know that it's scary when you don't feel fully secure in your body to let someone see your body, especially in in an intimate setting, but. Fuel. Confident knowing that. When someone loves you in a romantic way. They stopped caring about that ****. And I think that. The the. Hardest part? Is taking the first step. And being like, you know what? I'm going to try to get into a relationship. I'm going to allow myself to get into a relationship. And. I'm going to allow to get intimate. And. I'm just going to see what happens. It's scary when you've never done it before. I mean, I experienced this. I had the same issue. I, you know, like. I was so scared of getting into relationships for so long because I was so scared. Of that exact thing. But what I realized time and time again was that. It didn't matter in the relationship. If the relationship was good anyways, the relationship was bad. And we're dealing with an *******. Maybe it's different, but in all the relationships that were worthwhile, it didn't matter. It didn't matter at all. And if anything. Getting over that fear. Actually helped. Me with my body image because. It was empowering in a sense to. Push through that fear. And. I think that you just have to remind yourself that. It's going to be a little bit uncomfortable at first. It's going to feel scary. But if you're with somebody who truly loves and cares about you. They're going to think that you're the hottest thing there ever was. OK. That's all I got for today. Thank you for listening. I really enjoyed today's conversation. I definitely want to do another episode about this topic. At some point, because I think it's just such an important conversation in such an ongoing battle for me and for so many people, and so I definitely want to touch on this again. At some point, but regardless. I don't know why. I just said regardless. But anyway, I appreciate you all. I love you all very much. And that's all I got for today. Feel free to follow anything goes on Instagram, at anything goes or on Twitter at AG podcast if you want to participate in future episodes or just keep up with with the news. Of the pod. Umm. Not with the actual news. I don't provide that information. Also, you can check out my my coffee company, Chamberlain coffee.com. I'm drinking a cold brew right now from my company. It's delicious. So go check that out if you want. And that's all I got. Oh, you can also subscribe to anything goes anywhere you stream podcasts, so feel free to do that too if you want. Anyway, I love you all very much, appreciate you all very much, and I can't wait to talk to you next week. Bye.