Emma prefers to share her thoughts with a microphone rather than a physical human being, so thank god she has a podcast. Recorded from the comfort of her bed, Emma talks at length about whatever is on her mind every week. Anything really does go on this podcast. Sometimes philosophy, sometimes a random story from 10 years ago, sometimes advice, and sometimes nothing at all. You never know what you are going to get, but that’s what keeps it interesting. New episodes every Thursday.
Fri, 08 Jan 2021 19:27
Emma is back in the new year discussing her new found obsession with cooking, her recent experiences with therapy, and a few important life lessons she’s learned. Plus, why we shouldn’t rely on people in our lives, how do we define relationships, and are we getting a hair change soon? To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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I hope you're doing well. I'm going to be honest with you guys. I've recorded this episode three times. And it's been different every time, but for some reason I just can't get it right. I'll get halfway through and stop. I'll get all the way through. We'll edit it and then start. It's like it's just not working. For me, today and yesterday and the day before that and the day before that and. I don't really know what's wrong, but I'm also not worried about it cause this is very normal. With anything, sometimes you're going to have a moment where **** just isn't working. Like sometimes **** just doesn't work. And it seems that even though it's 2021 now and. We're in a new year. **** is still continuously hitting the fan. I think subconsciously a lot of us were. Expecting the New Year to bring some level of peace. And unfortunately it hasn't really been that way and I know a lot of people have been very. Anxious the last few days if you're listening to this when it comes out. And I think I've also been on my phone too much. I talk about this every episode. My phone usage literally. Main topic of this podcast is how much I've been using my phone. It's like, have I been using it too much? Am I? Have I been off it for a while? It comes up at least once an episode. I've been on it much, far too much. My screen time is up 150% and I am not proud of it. Yeah, it's. I mean, it's easy. It's safe to say I've been a little bit scatterbrained and I think a lot of people can relate. I have absolutely no motivation to do anything right now. And. It's really hard for me to work. I just want to lay in bed all day and do nothing. It's been tough and it's weird because it just like came on to me all of a sudden. And it's like. Literally one week I will be like I am thriving Queens. Nothing can tear me down. And then 48 hours later, I'm like, what the ****? So that just shows how life is like that. Whatever we're. I talk about this at least once an episode. We get it. Emma, shut up. OK, I know. Let's talk about. Some more important matters. Number one, I watched a documentary last night that you all need to watch. It's on Netflix. It's called don't **** with cats. It's one of the most interesting murder mysteries, but solved mysteries that I've ever watched. It was insane. I don't know if people are talking about it a lot. Or not, but I am. Shocked at how good it was. Also Loki. The editing in it was super funny. But like, he was also a serious and ****** ** documentary. But it was like kind of weirdly funny. It was so good, guys. It's true. It's based off a true story. Well, it isn't based off a true story. It is a true story, and it's one of the most interesting and entertaining. And unique. Murder mysteries that I've ever watched. And it will just suck you right in. So if you're feeling like me and you just want to sit in your bed and watch TV on your computer. Or on your TV, watch this show. Documentary whatever. It's so good. Yes, I did just take a sip of water. Which is weird because I literally never drink water. I drink coffee and. La Croix, which is water, but it doesn't feel like it is. And that's all I usually drink. But I've been trying to drink more water because I have really bad stomach pain and I'm trying to find any remedy for it that I can, so drinking water will have to suffice. As a treatment for now. Because I'm too lazy to go to the doctor and I think I just have gas. I don't think I actually have a stomach. Well, I might. I honestly think I have IBS. But that's the story. Well, I kind of. Yeah, there's something wrong. Like there's definitely something wrong, but anyway. So recently I have gotten into cooking and let me tell you this ****. Is life changing? Picture this. I turn on music. Specifically. Indie music from the 90s. Not the 90s music that you would think of immediately when you think of 90S music. Not like the Pop 90s music I'm talking about. A little bit underground. I turn that **** on. I leave my phone upstairs. I go downstairs. I cook myself a delicious, healthy, fun meal. From scratch. And I feel like the main character. It's unreal. I can't believe I didn't start cooking sooner. This **** is unbelievable. Literally. I don't go on my phone for hours because I'm, you know. Deep into cooking with my hands, all dirty, I got shallots and. Garlic all over my hands. There's no way to touch my phone anyway. Not to mention it's all the way upstairs, so I'm not touching it anyway. Phone is away. Music is blazing. Everything is time sensitive. You have no time to think about anything except for the home cooked. Meal from scratch that you're cooking. That's all you can think about in those moments. It's there's so much serotonin to be released from cooking. I've been literally loving it. I cooked soup vegetables. You name it, I've been cooking it and it's been unbelievable. Cooking from scratch is also key because. It's just a longer process. And it actually tastes better than buying like a premade sauce or you know, pre cut. **** like it's it's. There's something so. Satisfying about. Mixing all the ingredients together yourself from scratch. Everything just tastes more fresh. It's ******* unbelievable. Guys, get into cooking. This is your sign. The only problem is that you're going to smell like food. For like the next 24 hours after you cook and if you're like me and you cook every day now. You're gonna constantly smell like. The back of a Pizza Hut. I literally gave somebody a hug the other day and they were like, oh, your hair smells like food and I was like, **** *** **** it. But you know what? I'm OK with smelling. Like a cutting board at Applebee's. If that means. That. I have a hobby that gets me off my phone. I will do anything to get me off my phone. Because I am addicted to it and if I don't have a distraction I will lay in bed all day and go on it. I'll be productive for half the day and be on my phone for the other half like I wasn't productive for the first half of the day. I have to really distract myself or else I just go on my phone all day. Really. And it's I'm not proud of it at all. I feel like **** about it. I'm really trying to get into more things like I I'm trying to get back into running. Because that's a really good distraction. The cooking thing has been helping, obviously. I've been trying to play drums. **** like that. But I mean at the end of the day, like, I'm addicted to my damn phone and. The hobby thing is helping, but it's still tough. Because it's like, yeah, you cook for two hours. But then if you have nothing else to do after that, then you just go back on your phone. I don't know. Another topic of discussion, another thing to talk about. Is therapy. Kind of jumping from one thing to the next year, but. You guys might know if you listen to my last episode that I decided to. Try to go to therapy. Religiously. AKA every week. I have been struggling with anxiety really bad and. I've talked to a therapist before on, on and off. For whenever I have, like, a really bad depressive episode, I'll talk to a therapist. But it never lasts more than like 2 weeks. And then I'm usually done and then I call them back later when I need them. But I decided, you know, my anxiety is like making my life miserable to a certain extent. I really should try. To figure out a way to make it easier, you know what I mean. And so. I found a new therapist cause I was like, **** it, I'll try a new therapist like, whatever. I had one session, it was an hour long and. To be honest, I really don't like it. I didn't really mesh well, I don't think with this therapist. And it's interesting because I've talked to a therapist before and the other therapists that I used to talk to and still do here and there. I feel like I have a better connection with them. But I just wanted to try a new therapist just because I was like, I don't know, like. Why not? And I had a record. Somebody recommended me a therapist. And. I just don't think it was a good match maybe. Or maybe I need to go to more sessions for us to like click, but something about it felt off and I and I couldn't put a finger on it. And I'm not going to lie, I was very discouraged because. You know, I am struggling with this anxiety. I would love some relief and. I have had a pass with therapy where, like, it's just I'm kind of traumatized by therapy. I used to go every week as a kid after my parents got divorced, and that just traumatized me, made me never want to go again. And I like, you know, decided, OK, I'm going to open up and try to go again. And she's like, didn't feel right. It felt kind of transactional. And I felt like the advice that I was given was so. Not anything that I hadn't thought about before on my own. The other thing is that I'm such an open book with everybody around me. I'll tell anybody in my life that I'm close with about my problems and I don't hold back. I'm not somebody who bottles up my feelings. I'll share **** with anybody if I feel safe with them because I love to hear other people's perspective, other people's life experience, stuff like that. And then I can form my own opinion from there. But. I almost prefer that over. Maybe a therapist, because people in my life know me so well that they can give me. Curated advice whereas in that. That could be good or bad though because sometimes getting curated device might not be good. Where a therapist is going to come in and be a little bit less biased, which could be good, I don't know. I just don't feel like. It's gonna work for me and I also don't feel like I really want to go back again and do it again like I I. It felt. Pointless to me because I already talk about everything, and I'm already actively working through everything that I'm aware of that I'm struggling with. I'm just. I'm such an open book that I wonder if this is something that's going to work for me. And maybe it was just the wrong therapist, maybe it's just the wrong time of my life. I don't know, but it just didn't click. So I'm going to keep trying, but I definitely was discouraged. But I do want to disclaim that. I completely believe in therapy. I think therapy is very important. My personal experience has nothing to do with anybody else's, and so many people have benefited greatly from therapy and I absolutely recommend everybody try it and try to make it work because they think that talking about your feelings is so ******* important and it's one of the most important things that you can do for yourself. And I would say. Don't get discouraged. If one therapist doesn't work, you'll probably find one that works, although I am feeling discouraged right now and feeling like. It might not just, it just might not work for me, which might be the case. But I think regardless of if you have a therapist or not. You need to have somebody that you can vent to in your life. You need to have somebody that you. Can tell everything too, and get everything off your chest too. And whether that's your family, your friends, or a therapist. Make sure that you have that in your life, because you deserve that. And life is so much better when you're not going through it alone and when you have people to lean on and people to give you. Opinions and advice, it's so important. And I always encourage everybody in my life to. Find some sort of outlet to get their feelings out. You can't bottle **** up that that'll ruin your damn life. So. Yes, therapy might not have worked for me first round. But I'm going to keep on damn trying, so I'll keep you guys updated on that. What does it really take to make it in New York City when you're young? The come up is a new freeform docu reality series on Hulu. It follows 6 ambitious creative 20 somethings in NYC as they break the status quo and take up all the space. It's a real look into how this next generation of icons are breathing life back into the downtown scene, all while pursuing their dreams, which is a long way of saying they're killing it. The show follows Sophia, a breakthrough photographer who shot her first spread for nylon at just 13 and has been shooting major campaigns ever since. Fernando Modeling's next international star, Tawfiq, the youngest fashion designer to show at New York Fashion Week, Claude, a New York native and aspiring actress. Ben arising, entertainer from Texas and a newbie to New York City, and Ebon, a trans rights activist and fixture of New York underground nightlife. This is now or never. With big goals and even bigger ceilings to break through, they'll need to bust their ***** to chase their dreams. It's time to hustle free forms the come up new episodes Wednesdays on Hulu. So this week I feel like I really learned two life lessons and I thought I would share with you. I feel like I had two realizations this week and I thought I would share. Number one. Is that I feel like. There's been this whole thing about hating on things that are basic. Or judging people that are quote UN quote basic. And I want that to end and let me explain why. Actually, before I get into it, let me talk about what basic means basic means. Wearing things that are. Maybe not fashionable. And are maybe just. Kind of bland, like maybe dressing kind of bland, like wearing things like. I'll use what I used to wear in middle school as an example. This was considered basic. In middle school it was. Ugg boots leggings. And The North Face jacket now I would say basic would probably be. I don't know what do people consider basic like leggings and like Air Force ones with like a hoodie that's considered basic or? As for music, anything on the radio? That's super popular. Is considered basic. Like super popular songs? Like? Huge music artists like Taylor Swift or like. Ed Sheeran like **** like that, like that's considered basic technically in the in the eyes of people on Tik T.O.K and Instagram, and in my generation in general, those are the things that are considered basic. And I think that things that are basic tend to get a bad rap, rap, rap, whatever. I used to be this way my. Early teen years, I wanted to be basic. That was what I wanted to do. I wanted to like what everybody else liked because. Everybody else liked them. Not because I necessarily like these things. Some things, yes. Something's no, but I tended to like or lean towards more basic things because. Well, the reason why they're considered basic is because everybody else liked them and I wanted to fit in. Then I got older and I started to rebel and I was like, **** this. Like, I don't want to be basic anymore. I'm gonna start wearing, you know? Clothes that are maybe considered less basic and I'm gonna start listening to music that's a little bit less basic. And that became my identity in a sense. And I think it is for a lot of people when they are like, I wanna be like a I wanna be different, I wanna be unique. I think that's a great thing because I think that you know, it can be toxic to. Only enjoy. Mainstream say. Things because everybody else enjoys them. I think that. That's not necessarily good because then you don't form your own identity. But I also think that being on the other far side of it and being obsessed with being unique and being obsessed with. Standing out and not being like everybody else is also toxic. I think it's equally as toxic, and I think that there's a middle ground, and the middle ground is just liking what you like. No matter if it's basic, no matter if. It's super different and unique, and nobody's ever seen anything like it before. I don't think that there needs to be this negative stigma around either thing. If you want to listen to pop music because you like it, listen to pop music if you want to listen to. Indie music. Listen to the ******* indie music if you want to wear. You know, crazy vintage loafers that you found at a thrift store that probably nobody has worn since the 1950s because you think it looks unique and different and cool? ******* do it. But if you want to wear Air Force ones even though? Probably 99% of the population has Air Force ones in the United States. Specifically. Then sure. That's definitely an awful and not true statistic, but I I I think a lot of people have those shoes. Umm. I think it should be more about what you like and what you don't like and what makes you happy. Like I remember there was a. Uhm. There was a pop song a few months ago. I think it was Shawn Mendes and Camila Camila Cabello. It was ******* senorita, I think. That's a song that I think people would consider basic. It was super popular. Everybody loved it. It was very mainstream. I turn that **** on in the car and bump, OK? Yeah, it might be considered basic, but I ******* enjoyed it. But then I may go home and listen to a song that has 200,000 streams on Spotify, which may be considered more of like an indie song, and I'll love that just the same. But I choose what I want to do because of because I like it. If somebody wants to dress in an outfit that's considered basic because that makes them happy, they should be able to do that. Comfortably and happily. I just don't think there needs to be this negative stigma around any of that ****. And so that's something I realized this week, and it's because I saw this tick tock of this girl and she was like. Y'all I dress basic quote UN quote, but I love it. Like, I love it. I'm comfortable, I feel cute and like. What's so bad about that? And I was like, you know what? You're so ******* right. There is nothing wrong with it, and there's nothing wrong with liking things that everybody else likes. And vice versa. Don't judge other people for what they like life. Life is too ******* short. Who cares? Spend that time finding out what you like, *** **** it. Another thing I realized this week is that you do not need anybody in your life. This sounds so obvious, but I tend to really. Attach myself to like a solid three or four people in my life at once, usually to well, always two of them being my parents so. There's that but. I will tend to like, cling to other people in my life too. Like, I don't know if I'm dating somebody or. You know, if like, whoever my best friend is at the time. Whatever. And I tend to. Freak myself out about what would happen if they weren't in my life anymore, for whatever reason. If something happened to them, if you know the relationship. Doesn't workout or the relationship fizzles or like maybe with my parents like we grow apart in a way. And I constantly, that's almost my biggest fear, I think is like losing people that I care about a lot. And I've talked about this a decent amount, but I realized this week that I really only need myself. I'd be fine. I. I'll I'll touch more specifically on people that aren't family because I think families kind of different. So let's exclude my mom and my dad from this, because although I'm very emotionally attached to them and very dependent on them, and in some ways I'm going to exclude them from this because this is more about like friendships or relationships. You don't need. A friend. You don't need a significant other. You should wake up every day and choose to have those people in your life and recognize that you want them in your life. And that's totally normal, fine and healthy. And you can recognize that if they weren't in your life, it would be awful. But you can't. You have to learn how to convince yourself that you don't need them and. I've spent the past week. Really focusing on this and. Just remembering that I don't need anybody. As much as I love them, and as much as I would literally be so heartbroken if these people that I loved so much weren't in my life, I know I would be fine without them. And guess what? That makes me a better friend. That makes me better when I'm in a relationship, etcetera. It makes me better in those things because I know. Deep down that I don't need them. And it forces me to enjoy every moment with them, like it could be the last in a way, but also as if. With this light heartedness, I can be around these people with a sense of lightness, light, meaning like metaphorical weight on your back. Like, I feel light when I'm around people and I don't feel like I need them, but I'm choosing to have them in my life, and I want them there. There's something so. Calming about that feeling. And I think it attracts people as well and it's so hard. To look in the mirror and be like I don't need anybody else I could figure this **** out without. All of the people in my life right now, I could figure it out. I'm not saying it would be easy, but I could ******* figure it out and I'd be fine and I'd make it work and my life would still be a great life. It's such a hard thing to realize and I'm still struggling with it every day. Trying to remember that I wouldn't die without these people. Sorry, I just farted. And yeah, I mean, that's just something I've been really chewing on is just remembering that. You can't need anybody in your life. You should never look at any kind of relationship in your life. Friendship, romantic relationship, whatever, as a need. You can't. You can't. It'll ruin your life and it'll ruin the relationship too. In moments when I feel really dependent on people in my life and I'm like, **** like, I need this person. Like they're one of the only streams of happiness for me right now. I'm like, OK, I'm a you need a damn reset. Because that's not right. You can't look at it like that. And. It'll even ruin a hangout like let's say I'm hanging out with my friend. The vibes will be off because I'm putting all this pressure. Subconsciously on them. To like reassure me because I feel like I need them and I it's so bizarre. But Long story short, convince yourself that you don't need anybody and your life will improve immensely. Another thing I've been thinking about is. If you guys are on some sort of creative endeavour in any way, whatever that may be, whether you're learning how to play an instrument. Or. You're learning how to edit. You know YouTube videos, whatever it may be. If you're struggling with it and you're feeling fatigued by it and you're feeling like you're not enjoying it anymore and you feel like. It's just not going smoothly. Put it down. And walk away for an hour. Even if it's homework, it could even be homework. Some sort of assignment? And it's just like not clicking. Walk away for an hour. I swear to God, I will be trying to learn a new drum beat because now I'm a ******* drummer. No, I'm not. But like I I have a drum set in my room and I'm trying to learn how to play drums. If I'm trying to learn a new drum beat, I will literally sit there for an hour trying to figure it out. And I'll get so ******* frustrated. Like, so mad. Like I'm talking about literally screaming. Like I will literally get so mad I'll be screaming in my room. And I'll just get so mad. I'm like, **** this, I don't even want to do this ever again. I'll walk away for an hour and I'll come back and I'll sit down and I'll try it for another 5 minutes and I'll get it every time. Not every time, but most times. Sometimes you just need to step away from things, and I feel like people don't realize that when I used to do homework, if I'd be working on homework and I was just like. I can't. I can't do this anymore. Like it's not working, like it's just not ******* working. I'd walk away. I'd come back an hour later and I'd finish it all in 20 minutes. Sometimes you need to give your brain a break, and that is so normal and so healthy. People need to be doing that more in that sound. Clothes are one of the many ways that we express ourselves and we're constantly switching up our wardrobes. To reflect our interests and styles. But one thing that is a little bit more difficult to switch up is our glasses. Until now, because now with pair eyewear. You can have a different frame every day, OK? With pair eyewear, you start with a chic pair of glasses, right? That look great just by themselves, but they have a special secret. Which is that they have at little. Magnet inside so you can snap on. A cool frame on top of your existing glasses. I got the crystal clear Reese base frame which is just a really chic pair of all clear glasses. The frame is clear obviously the lenses are clear and I got a tortoise frame and a Plaid frame so I can now it. Basically I have 3 pairs of reading glasses now. There are so many options, iconic base shapes and then all sort of frames to go on top retro classic neon sparkle. You'll definitely find your vibe I also love. Buying from a brand that really, really cares and pair provides glasses to a child in need for every pair that you buy. Get glasses as ever, changing as you are with pear. Go to pair eyewear com Emma for 15% off your first purchase. That's 15% off at PAIR eyewear.com/emma. OK, here's another thing we need to talk about. Those were my life lessons of the week. God only knows. How corny they were, I don't even want to know. And I can't believe that I'm turning into a. What am I turning into? I'm turning into some sort of preachy *****. Whatever, if that is what? The universe is calling me to do. I am here to do that. Another thing I need to talk about that's a lot more mundane is the fact that. I am dying my hair. I have been blonde for over six months. And it's been amazing. I love being blonde. I love how it looks. I. Even like it when the roots start to grow out. I have like light brown hair, dirty blonde hair. It's kind of like light brown. I have like light brown hair. And. Even when the roots grow and I love it, I love being a platinum blonde. It is my. Passion. But nobody told me. How difficult it was going to be, OK? My hair is destroyed. Destroyed. When I sit on a couch. I will get up in. My hair will look like a bird's nest. My hair tangles so incredibly easily. It is absurd. Literally like my hair just turns into like. It it OK? How do I explain this? It's so dry that it just clings to itself in a way that is so sad. And uncomfortable and my hair is so unhealthy. That even if I cut it to a Bob to my shoulders, it would still have dead ends. Like this **** is out of control. I for some reason in Instagram photos it doesn't look that bad and even on camera it doesn't look that bad, but in person if you touch it, it feels. So incredibly dry and there it's to a point where no products. Can even save it anymore. I was using some amazing products before in my hair. They were helping to keep it soft and smooth. It's now so dead that like there's no going back. Not to mention. My hair kind of tends to turn yellow. A few weeks after I died every time. And that's kind of not the color that I signed up for. I kind of wanna be more white, blonde. Like, I want my hair to be as light as possible and it never really quite gets there. When I first get it done, it'll be. Closer to the icy. Snowy white color, kind of that I want and then by two weeks in my hair looks like. Spaghetti. It's a nightmare. So I'm dying my hair. I'm not going to tell you what color. Because I don't even know the answer to that yet, but let me tell you if you want to bleach your hair. Think twice, and here's why. Because. My hair is now going to be damaged like this. At least for the next year. And was it worth it? Yes, but. I'm pretty sad about it. So my thing is. Just be careful. And know what you're getting yourself into. It's not all sunshine and rainbows. You're going to be dealing with. Dead hair. Inevitably. If you bleach it enough times it, you will inevitably. Kill your hair. So that's something that we need to think about. Now I'm going to head to the Twitter and see what you guys want me to talk about today. Somebody said. Do you believe in destiny? The whole concept that our journey in life is prewritten? What are your thoughts on that? My thoughts on that, to be honest, are that I don't know, but. I've always. I would say no, I do not think that things are pre written. But I do think that everything is in. This seems obvious, but. I'm going to say it anyway. I feel like things are very much a chain reaction. And I don't think that things are pre written. I think that things. Everything that happens is a product of something else that you've done in your life. Does that make sense? Like? If I didn't transfer to the middle school. That I transferred to. I wouldn't have gone to the high school that I that I ended up going to. And if I wouldn't have gone to that high school, I don't know if I would have started my YouTube channel because that high school made me very depressed and I don't think. I would have been depressed if I was at another school. I think that school brought out something in me that I that wouldn't have been brought out otherwise. It was a private all girls school and I just think that was not a good fit for me, whether I liked it or not, because I did actually want to go to that school, but it ended up not being a good fit, but whatever. But I don't think I would have gotten as depressed as I did if I would have went to that school. That's all because I made the decision to go to a different middle school. And me going to that middle school. Made me want to go to that high school specifically because a lot of my friends were going there and it was a good school in a similar area to where I went to middle school. Do you see what I'm saying? I feel like everything is a chain reaction rather than. Pre written, but I also am so not opposed to any idea of how **** works. I don't know what happens after we die. I don't know what kind of. You know, I don't know. And I don't need to know. I'm fine with not knowing. I have no issue with not knowing how the world really works because nobody actually knows. I'm totally fine with that and I have no issue with it. Somebody said how do I be more affectionate with my words? I'm horrible at giving praise to my friends and I really want to know how because I know they will appreciate it. I. OK, this is something I got better at this year. I've always been fine. With giving praise to my friends, I feel like that's always come pretty natural to me. But. In relationships, no. I used to never give comp like I no wonder. OK, see, this is something that I've never been one to be in a relationship and to like, give my boyfriend a like a compliment. Even if I'm thinking it. I just never. I've been one to do it. And it could be because I've never I had dated many guys and none of them had ever given me a lot of compliments. Really? Like, I mean, sure, like, yeah, but like not like enough where I felt like my lack of compliments. Were out of line, but. I've experienced. A. Relationship. Where I was receiving. Compliments. A lot and I was like. Wait, this makes me feel so good. And I. Love a reassuring this is and I think I. Need to do this too. And I think that that's kind of what you're feeling right now. And. Here's how I learned how to do it. Basically. You're subconsciously complimenting people in your head all the time. Subconsciously you're like, wow, I really like that person's shirt. Wow, I really like. That person's sunglasses. Wow, this person like is really glowing today. Like their skin just looks amazing. Something like that. You're complimenting people in your head subconsciously all the time. What I've done is because it's not like I ever force a compliment. I never force a compliment. Unless I feel like somebody really needs it. But even then, like I'll find something that I genuinely like. I feel like it's ****** ** to compliment somebody on something that you don't actually. Think it's cool? Do you know what I mean? Like, I think it can be fine, but like I try to give out the most genuine compliments that I can because I would want the same in return. And. So what I did, at least in this specific situation for me personally where I'm receiving a lot of compliments from this person, but I'm. Not somebody who's ever really been like that in a relationship at all. I was like, OK, ****. Every time I think. Something nice about this person. I'm just going to try to say it and I'm not gonna lie in the beginning, sometimes I would like even get nervous to compliment this person. I'd be like, ****. Like they look so good today, but like I just like and literally nervous to compliment them because it's like vulnerable if for whatever reason. But every once in a while. You're gonna get the courage to say it out loud now that you're aware. OK, I'm complimenting this person in my head constantly. I'm just going to start verbalizing. You have to make that decision. You already have those compliments stored in your head. Whenever they pop up subconsciously, just say it out loud and don't overthink it. There is a compliment, will never harm anyone. Rarely, unless you're being creepy. But I don't think that you are being creepy, so I think that you're fine. A compliment will literally never hurt anything. It's only I've only ever had good things come from me complimenting others. And. It feels good to know that like I'm. Acknowledging. Cool things that people are doing or. If they just have a good energy about them that day, like those are things I want to. I want them to know that I am noticing and it and it makes them feel so good and it makes me feel good. It's a good thing all around and if you can get in the habit of it, it'll really make your life even better. OK, so if I were to host a live radio show and I could play any music I wanted. I would honestly probably have the time of my Life OK, but I'll admit I would probably end up playing. Just sad music. I don't know what it is about me, but I love sad music, OK? And so I'd probably end up playing. A lot of sad music. Specifically for the people who are listening in the car by themselves. That want to shed a tear in a good way? Well now there is a place that I or you or anyone can host a live show. Amp is the platform that allows people to come together and create live, unfiltered radio shows with whatever music or content that they love. And this is like a real show where you can have people listening live and you can pick exactly which songs to play, and you can even have fans calling in to chat while you're on air. If I had a live show, I would definitely. Have people call in and ask me for dating advice honestly, so I think I'd have to do dating advice. You know what this actually sounds like the perfect radio show. Sad music combined with dating advice, because all of the shows on AMP are run by real people. You can tell that the playlists are authentic. A playlist generated automatically just sounds different than one that an individual is controlling based on their passions and tastes. And with 10s of millions of licensed songs to choose from, everyone will find the music that appeals to them. But it's not just music. You can have a talk show, or react to news, or riff on pop culture, and that's one of the best parts about being a podcast host. You can just riff. On whatever. Excites your mind on any given day. So download AMP today in the App Store that's a amp, or ask Alexa to play amp. Somebody said, somebody said, do you wish you could be a social butterfly again? I know that that time is over for you, but do you miss the amount of energy you had? Sometimes I feel like. Sometimes, yes, like sometimes I do kind of miss it. Because I'm like. Am I missing anything? I don't know like is this, is this what I'm? Like, I'm happy not being social, but am I missing something by not being social? And. I think at this point I've realized that no, I'm not missing anything. I'm very happy with my small circle of people that I love and trust. I feel safe there. I feel safe with them. I have social interactions with people when I'm at the ******* grocery store, and that's enough. I think it's part of growing up maybe. I think it might also be just because. My anxiety's been kind of bad, and so I'm just like, I just prefer like stability and comfortable, homey situations. I just prefer that. I don't know exactly why I'm starting to become more and more antisocial. I don't know, but I'm not mad about it, because if that's what my mind and body wants, then I'm just going to follow that. There's no need to question it, and maybe in five years I might be back on my social **** and might want that again, but I just have not. A super strong urge. To be around. Or to talk to. Almost anybody. And I'm not sorry, so I don't miss it, but sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. But then I remember, if it feels right to me and this is what I want to do, then yes, it is the right thing. Somebody said when was the last time you cried? The last time I cried was on New Year's Day. And it was because. I was looking through. A bunch of videos from the past year and. I was watching videos of me from the very beginning of the year, and at that time I was struggling really bad with acne. I was on acne medications that were making my face super puffy. I had terrible self-esteem. And I was struggling creatively with YouTube. Uh, I was struggling with the podcast, trying to figure out it was like this transition between stupid genius and now anything goes and I just honestly felt like everything was going kind of wrong for me. Umm. I was like single and I felt like. Super unworthy of any guy ever. Like I was like no guy's ever gonna like me again. And honestly, it was not a bad. Thing because I kind of ended up being like. OK, ***** like not working out for me right now. I feel like I look like **** and I'm like confused career wise. Like I like, you know, the podcast isn't really working out. Like, I'm going to need to make a big switch, you know, which did end up happening and now it's. Anything goes and. I was like. Struggling to make YouTube videos because I was so self-conscious about how my face looked that I I just couldn't even be creative in any way. I couldn't come up with video ideas. I didn't want to be in front of the camera in general. I was like not responsible about getting videos done on time. Like I was just YouTube was like my worst nightmare because I look like **** in it. And the whole point of YouTube is that it's a literal video of you for X amount of minutes so it was like awful. And. That was bad from about December of 2019 to like probably. March or April of 2020 was kind of when things started to get it was like. Really bad in December and then it was really bad probably up until like February. And then she kind of started to get better in March, in April and then by like around my birthday, I feel like things were really getting better. And then the last like six months of 2020 were much better. And obviously there are still struggles, but it just got a lot better, but it's just. I remember the person I was a year ago and I genuinely pity her, although I shouldn't. But that was the overwhelming feeling that I had where I just was like. God like. I almost felt. Pity because I was like. I, I like felt bad for who I was because I was like, she just didn't know anything. I've had a lot of realizations this year. I've worked through a lot of my issues this year because we've had so much time at home. I've learned so many things about the world, about. Myself, about others like I I feel like this year I learned so much. Looking back at who I was a year ago was very emotional to me because I was like. Who is that? But I also felt sad because when I was on that medication and my face was all puffy and my acne was all bad, I just, like, felt like I looked like **** in myself. Esteem was so bad and that made me make bad decisions, not necessarily bad decisions, because I think now, in retrospect, I realize that the decisions like some of the things that I did that, you know? Maybe we're stupid. We're really not that stupid and we're actually very normal. Teen things to do. But I I just know that a lot of the. Things that I did. Like I may be like, I maybe let boys walk all over me in ways that I shouldn't, you know, stuff like that. Or I kind of. Did things that weren't in my own best interest. I won't get too far into it, but like, I just wasn't really respecting myself, and that's nobody's fault but my own. I mean, truly, I don't blame anybody for that. But. I just was in a really vulnerable spot and I wasn't really respecting myself because I felt like I looked like **** and I felt like super not inspired by anything in my life and it was awful and I'm just so happy to see my own growth. But it also is just very emotional to. Look back on. But also I was crying because I've met some people this year that have changed my life. In like incredible ways. And that have like truly enhanced my life, which is something that I never demanded for myself prior to this year. I feel like I've always settled for friendships and relationships that. Weren't really maybe even healthy for me. Not only were they not healthy, but they also. Were. They weren't enhancing my life. They were either. Making my life worse or just kind of like. Sitting on the sidelines and. Maybe even using me, you know what I mean? Which, like, I feel like I've never demanded friendships in my life that were healthy before because I didn't really know what that looked like. Or relationships. And I feel like this year I really figured out. What I deserve in a friendship and what I deserve in a relationship. And now I only demand that for the rest of my life. But it took. Finding people that could show me what that even means. What a healthy. Relationship in life looks like in general, no matter. That's if that's between friends, relationship, whatever the ****. You have to find people that will show you what that means. In some people might be lucky and their first best friend or their first significant other might be somebody that does enhance their life in a positive way. But I know for me, I've had endless friends in relationships that were not that way, and I feel like this year I truly found what it meant to have friendships and relationships that actually enhance your life and make your life better. And that's huge. Basically, Long story short, I cried because I've had a lot of realizations. OK? Somebody said, should I date somebody that smokes cigarettes or marijuana? Even if. It is a quality in a person that you aren't very fond of. I really love their personality. I just have some reservations. I would say, OK. Unless this person's. Use of these substances is getting in the way. Of your relationship, I would say. You should try to date them. I here's my thing about it. A lot of people, and I mean we're being real here. I, if I came on here and was like, you should never date somebody who smokes marijuana. You should never. Date somebody that drinks alcohol. Come on. Let's not. I mean, I know I'm 19, whatever. But, like, I know what the ****? Like, come on. It's like majority I I most people. Have something. Whether they're addicted to nicotine. Weed. Alcohol. Maybe they're not even addicted, but they dabble in those things. Listen, it's not a great thing to be dappling in, but at the same time. As long as it's not getting in the way of your relationship. Or your friendship. I say it's something that you can look past because. If it's not getting in the way. And you really like their personality. I just don't see the harm in it. And I might be wrong about that. I don't know, but I've dated people before that. Maybe. Have. Used substances that I haven't. And. So. Like, it didn't bother me because I was like. As long as they're not forcing me to do anything I don't want to do, which none of them have ever. None of them ever have or. As long as it's not. Harming me or harming them, then I think it's fine because a lot of people can, you know, use substances and it not harm anyone, even really themselves, like if you know if they're. Smoking weed of age. OK, it's legal in a lot of places. Whatever. And. You don't have to like it, but like, you know. I just think as long as it's not getting in the way. I don't know. I think you you read the situation. Ask yourself, are they abusing these things or are they just using them? Every once in a while, or they're using it things in healthy doses, they're having a glass of wine before dinner, they're smoking one cigarette every six months. They're. You know, smoking weed a few times a week because it helps them with their anxiety. Like, think about how severe it is, you know, is it severe? If it is, then maybe you avoid, but if not then I think you give them a chance. Oh, this is an interesting question. Somebody said. Do you think there's a difference between dating and being girlfriend? Boyfriend slash girlfriend. Girlfriend slash boyfriend. OK, I see what you're. Do you think? There should be a formal ask. To be. Significant others. OK, I I'm going to rephrase this question, but I think I know what you mean. I think a lot of people like dating has a different connotation to everybody. Some people think dating. Doesn't mean exclusive. Sometimes people think that dating just means that you're, like, talking and that like. You guys hang out a lot, but that you can still see other people and. Some people think that there needs to be a girlfriend or boyfriend or. Whatever some sort of title. Significant other whatever partner some sort of word to. Make the relationship exclusive. I personally think if you're dating, that's that means you're exclusive. You only talk to one another and that's it. Nothing else. That's just because. Why would you put a label on anything if you're not exclusive? Unless you want to have an open relationship, but that's I'm not even gonna go there cause I've never experienced that and I don't know how to even talk about that. But not that there's anything wrong with it, but I just have to know nothing about it and could never do it because I would get really mad easily probably. But. I think that's a conversation you need to have with whoever you're talking to. If you guys have decided that you're dating, be like, OK, what does this mean? Like, just be straight up. Be like, are we be like, I don't care. Like, whatever. I'm cool with whatever you want to do. But, like, are we? Exclusively seeing each other dating. Are we each other significant other and there's nobody else? Like, what's the situation? You just have to have that conversation. I hate how messy it is, but it's funny because relationships are really just. A verbal promise, and that's it. And it's kind of crazy how much meaning it holds when it's literally just like a symbol of it's literally you just agreeing with the person verbally. That you are only going to be with them. It's actually a crazy concept if you really think about it. Probably unnatural for humans. Although I love it, I love being in a relationship. Let me tell you when it's a good one. It's so great. So maybe it is human nature and I don't know. I don't know. But I I think you just need to have that conversation. But the main thing to take from this is. Always communicate and know for sure. What you guys are never jump to conclusions, because I've done that and it gets you very hurt. Don't assume. Have that conversation be like, listen, I don't care, but I need to know where we're at because I don't want to go. Kiss another person and. Hurt your feelings, you know what I'm saying? Like, where are we at? Or you could be like I'm only with you and I. Would like the same energy from you, but I need to make sure that like, we're both doing that, but also I've always been like I I'm starting to realize that if somebody isn't OK with like putting a. A label on your relationship? Then they probably aren't really somebody that you should be messing with because people who are too scared to put labels on things aren't ready. To be in a stable relationship, and that's totally OK, totally normal. But I would say that's the situation you want to avoid, because it's always gonna end up getting you hurt, you know? The last question of the day is, if you had a son, would you let him wear a dress? Yes. Duh. Absolutely. I literally. Here's the thing that blows my mind. Why do there need to be such? Why do people need to be so opinionated about what another individual is doing? Mind your own ******* business if somebody wants to wear a dress and they maybe aren't. Like the stereotypical dress wearer. Who ******* cares the only time? That I. Will allow myself. To judge others. Is if there are like kind of being harmful if somebody let's say. Is doing something inconsiderate towards others or? Just did something wrong in general, yeah? I'll judge them. And I will confront them and I will not be OK with it, but if it's something as mundane. As whether or not somebody is wearing a dress. That is, that's the that should be the least of our ******* worries as a world, but especially. Like I I don't care. Like, it doesn't matter. Like people can do whatever they want and should be able to do whatever they want as long as they're not harming anyone and as long as they. Are kind about it. As long as my kid is being kind. Treating others well-being a good friend. Being a good person. I'm never going to give them a hard time. And the whole thing with like gender blah blah blah blah. Who gives a **** like it's it's just if my son wants to wear a dress, if my son wants to wear makeup, I don't care. Whatever my future child wants to do, they're going to be able to do as long as they're being. The only thing I won't let them do is be an *******. That's basically it. The only rule that I'm going to give my kid is just don't be an *******. That's it. No other rules. They can play any sport that they want, have any hobby that they want. Blah, blah blah. Why? Because it doesn't ******* matter. And because if you bring a human being onto this planet. They should be able to do whatever makes them happy, as long as it's. Not hurting anybody. You get the idea. It's that simple. But I really think that people should learn to mind their own ******* business. I'm serious. Like it's genuinely getting on my ******* nerves. Why do people just have to constantly be so openly judgmental about what other people are doing on the Internet, especially on social media? Why? Why do people think that they their opinions are that important? I don't know. It just blows my mind. That's why I always try. I mean, listen, of course we're human beings. We like to give our opinions. We like to share our opinions. We're not always going to agree. That's just how it goes. But. I also think that. Some people just need to get a stick out of their own ***. I think the Internet made people. Two bold about being judgmental. Like so many words. Judgmental, moral story is my son can wear whatever the **** he wants. My daughter, whatever, whatever. They I don't. I don't even. Yes, like, as long as they're not bullying anybody, and even if they do bully somebody, whatever. That's a conversation you have. Moral of the story is. Yes, I would let that happen of course. And that should be obvious. And on that note, I'm going to end this episode. OK, that's it for today's episode. I hope you guys enjoyed. Please tweet me topics to talk about in the next episode. At AG Podcast, I also ask you guys. Weekly if you want to ask me any questions, stuff like that. I really appreciate you guys coming back every week and listening to me. It makes me feel. Crazy warm and fuzzy inside and I love every single one of you that listens to me and connects with me through this podcast. It's seriously. One of the best things. Ever. If not the best thing ever, it's really, truly an amazing thing. And. I just love you guys so much and appreciate you guys more than you could ever even imagine. And. Also, give us a little five stars. On Apple Podcasts or wherever else you listen to your podcast livias rating. Subscribe. Do it all if you want, and if not, that's cool too. I love you guys. Thanks for hanging out with me. Peace out and peace and love and have an amazing rest of your week. We're here with Phil talking about what's new with heart Nissan. Phil, what are some good reasons somebody should buy now? That's a great question. We all know that car shopping could be an overwhelming process. Plus, people are uncertain about a lot these days. Partisan. Recognize that? So we rolled up a heart rewards program, all new and pre-owned vehicle purchases. Yeah, one year identity theft protection 3 Virginia State inspections and multi point inspections, one year tire Rd hazard with roadside assistance, a three day vehicle exchange and every purchase or service earns heart rewards points. That's a ton of stuff. It's amazing offering all those benefits, it can really save people a lot of headaches and of course money. Exactly. And we have even more savings right now, get 0% financing on all new and certified pre-owned Nissan in our inventory. Phil, thanks so much for coming in Hart. Nissan.com right, you got it. Heartnissan.com or check us out in the Apple App Store or Google Play Store. Use your head and trust your heart maximal finance $20,000 for 60 months with tier one credit approval with MC dealer for full details.