Emma prefers to share her thoughts with a microphone rather than a physical human being, so thank god she has a podcast. Recorded from the comfort of her bed, Emma talks at length about whatever is on her mind every week. Anything really does go on this podcast. Sometimes philosophy, sometimes a random story from 10 years ago, sometimes advice, and sometimes nothing at all. You never know what you are going to get, but that’s what keeps it interesting. New episodes every Thursday.
Thu, 20 Aug 2020 10:00
Emma is back for another advice session answering everyone’s questions! From ways to forgive people who have wronged you, opening up to significant others about mental health, dealing with people shaming you for the number of people you’ve hooked up with, and much more! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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I'm dehydrated and I think I'm getting a migraine, so that's good news. No, it's not. It's bad news, but I literally woke up in the middle of the night last night, probably around 4:00 AM. And I realized that I was. Dangerously dehydrated and it was concerning, but instead of going and getting a glass of water from the kitchen, I just went to the bathroom sink. Turned it on, put my head under, took a few gulps and then went back to bed. Uhm, so. Things have been better for me, but things have also been worse for me. I'm feeling very good. I'm in a very good headspace right now, so that's why I feel like it's a great time to do advice session #4, baby, I'm going to be giving you guys advice today about things that are going on in your lives. OK? So I asked you guys on the Twitter at AG podcast on Twitter for some questions. And. Things that you need advice on and so today I'm just going to. Shoot the **** with y'all and give you some advice. I love doing these. I'm going to continue to do them whenever it feels right to me. And whenever I don't have another idea, but that don't, that doesn't take away from how much I love doing these ones. I just like to save these for like a rainy day when I'm. Out of things to talk about and I need you guys to help me a little bit. But regardless. Advice session #4 and here's to many more. Cheers. Just hit my mirror. Anyway, let's get right into it. Let's start out this podcast with a bang. Really first. Question. Any advice on how to be friends with your exes y'all? I have never been able to do this. Umm. I've never been able to do this successfully to be honest. Although I feel like. There's certain axes. That I could be friends with now some, definitely not in some, yes. Depending on how mad I am at them. So, but there are definitely some that I would definitely be friends with now. I mean, not like best friends, but like close with if they're not close with either. Actually, that's not a good word. I could definitely be cordial with some of them. I would never want to be close with an ex. I don't know, that just doesn't seem right to me. Also, if you're like in a new relationship, that's just messy. So I definitely wouldn't want to be besties with an ex, but. I think that the key is spending a lot of time apart. I'm talking about a year, I'm talking about five years. I'm talking about fully become a new person. And then. Reunite once you have completely different lives. Maybe you guys are in relationships now with different people. Maybe you know. You guys, whatever, like there's no feelings involved at all anymore. I think if you rush back into a friendship too soon, y'all are going to have a little kissy time on accident, and then it's going to be even more painful when everything ends again, inevitably. So I recommend literally not speaking to this person for as long as ******* possible. And then. Once you feel like you genuinely don't care about them anymore. In that way, then, I think being friends could work otherwise, no, unless the relationship was something where you guys never really liked each other, because that happens. I think that sometimes you both are like, I don't like this person anymore and it's like a mutual thing. I think in that scenario you could probably be friends a lot sooner, but if you were actually like, really in love with this person, your *** is going to wait for a while before that **** won't sting. But I also think that. At a certain point. In your life, like if five years do go by, I don't really see why you would want to be friends with your ex like in most scenarios. I think in most scenarios you're like that. That's not a friendship that I need, but. If it is, and it's something that you want, then wait until you're completely over it. You've kissed many other people. And you've dated other people, hopefully. Or you've just found yourself and fell in love with yourself in a way where you don't give a **** about them like that anymore. Then it's friend time. Next, I need advice on staying motivated. I do aerobic gymnastics and I've been training at home since March. It's not the same anymore, and I feel like it's pointless to keep training hard. I totally get it. I was a competitive cheerleader. Oh, Emma brings this up again. Shut the **** **. OK? I know. I remember during the summer, being a cheerleader, we would just be training and training and training and training and it felt like there was no end insight and there was also no. Like immediate goal, because competition season would be so far away that it just felt like we were training for nothing, at least to me. The thing that you need to remember is that. You will be. Back in the gym. Back competing. Back performing whatever eventually and it's going to feel so good when you get out there and you finally get to go back and do your thing. Don't give up, OK? You're going to be a little bit angry at yourself if. The time comes around to get back in the gym and you quit. You know what I mean? Because that time will come and for now, just try to enjoy it as much as possible. But. It's going to feel so good when you get back into it and just picture that every time you're training and you're struggling. Just be like when I get back in the gym, this ****** gonna be ******* awesome. All right, somebody said I need fashion advice. I'm a guy and I really want to upgrade my style for school this year, but I don't know how. What are some good basics to have in stores to shop at? OK, I got you. So. Obviously I don't really know your style, but I would say a good pair of Dickies, a good pair of jeans, Levi's. Preferably vintage. Also if you like a more comfortable gene because I love vintage Levis, but those are also really annoying to find. So Levis will do. A nice pair of like blue jeans that have like a great wash on them. OK, some go to sneakers. High top converse for example, maybe some Air Force ones, maybe some Nike dunk lows, maybe some. Vans, I mean. A good go to shoe. Like, maybe even some. Cool Nike blazer mids or whatever those are, stuff like that. I have a go to sneaker and then get a bunch of cool hoodies, a bunch of cool T-shirts, all of that. You can get that stuff from Urban Outfitters. You can go to a thrift store and go into the hoodie section. In the T-shirt section they have a bunch of cool hoodies and T-shirts that are kind of interesting that are super affordable. So that's a great move. You know, maybe get a cool hat. You can also thrift hats, although I don't recommend that because I feel like that's a recipe for lice. Depop also has a lot of really good stuff that can be really affordable. If you just look up vintage T-shirt or Nike blazer mid shoes on Depop you can get some really nice discounts and some more unique pieces. So that is my recommendation and if you want to know who to look for for fashion inspo, go on Pinterest and look up. Your vibe if you like. Want to dress kind of skater boy? Look up skater boy outfit inspo if you want. To be a little bit more casual, you can just look up cool teen boy casual outfit inspo and just go on there also. You can just look up trendy outfits in general. Get some inspo from there. You can do this. Next, somebody said advice on feeling inexperienced. I'm 19. I've never kissed a boy or had a talking phase with somebody. I feel like it won't happen ever, because everyone's so ahead of me. I feel like I've already touched on this, but weirdly I want to touch John it again because I feel like I didn't give this little piece of advice. I've already talked about this in another episode, I'm convinced, because I was also inexperienced growing up. Kind of. Kind of. I was definitely kind of behind and my friend grew up a little bit, but here's something that I don't think I mentioned before, and it's that if you're dealing with this, there's definitely a guy in your situation that's also going through the same thing. Not everybody super experienced, OK, so. There's somebody for everybody. And there might even be somebody who's super experienced that, like, can help make you feel comfortable through this process. Obviously not in a ******* creepy, gross way, but like in a nice nurturing way, that's not. Creepy. Just remember that you're not dealing with this alone. There's a lot of guys that are in the same spot as you. And there's also a lot of guys that would love to, you know, date you and. Help you with that process so. There's nothing to worry about and there's no rush. Somebody said, do you have any advice on forgiving people? Well, yes, but I it takes me some time. Sometimes I think that the key to forgiving people is. To fully heal from it. And to give yourself space from that person. And. To really reflect on why they did what they did and in a lot of scenarios, I think that putting yourself in their shoes truly for a minute. In being like, why did they do what they did? Let's say your boyfriend cheated on you ex-boyfriend. Hopefully they cheated on you and you're like why would Jeremiah? Cheat on me. I was such a good girlfriend. What the ****? But then you think about it and you're like, OK, he's been having a lot of self esteem issues and his parents have been fighting and. You know, he's. Doing really bad in school and you think about all of the things that are possibly going wrong in their life and you try to put yourself in their shoes for a second and be like. Why did they do what they did? And then, if you can, put yourself in their shoes. And see how much they're struggling. Or see how. Maybe even naive they are. Or maybe how, how how high of a horse they're on and you can. Understand that side. I think that it's a lot easier to forgive. Like for example. I had somebody in my life who. Like said some ****** things about me behind my back once we kind of ended our friendship. Of sorts, and I heard that. From a lot of people. And they were like, Oh yeah, this person said this about you? Whatever. Like, that's crazy. And I was like, well, number one, that's not true, but #2 like. That's just rude and disrespectful towards me, you know what I mean? And I thought about it for a while and I realized, OK, this person is really struggling with their identity in general. They have no idea who they are. They're super unstable. They have really bad self esteem issues of course. They're going to. Say this **** about me. They're struggling. I should feel bad for them. And not in like a pitiful way, like literally in like a this person's actually struggling, and that is why they are being mean to me. That is why they're treating me badly. They're trying to tear me down because they think. That I'm, you know, doing better than they are, in a sense. Which is not necessarily true at all, but that's the way that they're looking at it and that's really unfortunate. You know so. I'm going to send this person love and light in my mind and send that energy towards them. Instead of resenting them. And see how that goes. And I and I and I try to do that and it doesn't always work. Some people really **** you off and it like that **** stings and it sticks. It stings and it sticks and and that's in those scenarios, you know, you just have to wait that out. But. Really, really try to put yourself in someone else's shoes and even if it seems like they have the upper hand, for example, if like. Your boyfriend cheats on you, right? And then goes and gets another girlfriend the next day and you're like, what the ****? And then you're just left there heartbroken and single and you're like, what the hell they got? Like, they got to do something wrong and then, like, they basically got to get their cake and eat it too. Well, you have to think about the morals on a person that's making such a. A sad decision like that, such like a not admirable. That's not an admirable thing to do. So yeah, they might be getting their cake and eating it too. But do you want to be wired like that? Do you want to have a brain that works like that where you could just? Cheat on somebody and then get with another girl the next day. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, do you want to think like that? No. What type of **** is that going to cause you down the line? You're gonna end up pretty sad and lonely if you don't change that mindset. So you don't want to be like that, right? You'd rather be like you, somebody who's an empath who feels things, who treats people with respect because even though you might get ****** over a little bit here and there. You actually have the upper hand even when it doesn't feel like that, and so trying to understand these things and fleshing them out can help you. Forgive. Because. Part of forgiving is almost feeling bad for them about why they mistreated you. You know. They'll regret it too. Karmas a *****. My friends, Karma is a *****. OK, so I've told you guys about circle before, right? Spelled CIRKUL. Circle was created for people like me, OK, who don't drink enough water every day circles basically this water bottle with over 40 flavor cartridges that makes drinking water way more tasty. The flavors cover all the bases. They have fruit, punches, iced teas. Some even have caffeine or electrolytes, but there's no sugar, there's no calories, and there's no artificial flavors. My favorite flavor is strawberry Kiwi. 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Somebody said advice on how to open up to your significant other about mental health struggles without feeling like you're being a burden or even feeling ashamed of the stuff that you're struggling with. I mean, this advice that I'm about to give can go for anybody, not just a significant other, but I do think that there's something to be said for being open about mental health. In relationships because I do feel like it's not easy and I know when I was with my first boyfriend. I was really struggling with body image issues like really bad. And. I. Was super down in the dumps about it constantly. And they were always like, what the **** is wrong with you? Like, why are you so bummed out all the time? And it definitely put a strain on our relationship. I mean, there's a lot of strains on that one. But like, you know, still that was definitely a huge issue. And I mean, I had a lot of other mental health things that I was struggling with simultaneously. And like, he just had no idea because I never told him about it, because I didn't feel comfortable to do that because I felt like. I well, part of me felt like he, you know, there was a potential that he would. Umm. Invalidate the feelings that I had. Which, like that's not fair of me to assume, you know, who knows? That probably wouldn't have even been the case. He probably would have totally accepted them or whatever. But like, you know, I don't know. So I was like, so afraid of feeling invalidated or feeling like, yeah, I was a burden or that it was something to be ashamed of or whatever, and it did put a strain on the relationship. And I think that something that should motivate you to open up about these things is that it it can affect the relationship negatively. And if it's a relationship that you really care about, then. You know, being upfront about these things can really help your significant other understand why you are behaving the way that you do. So if you're in a bad mood one day, they might take it personally. But really it has nothing to do with them. You're just dealing with really bad anxiety that day. And so, you know, after dating. For a few years now or whatever, I've found that my relationships. Are so much stronger. If I am being honest about these things and if I didn't have a good day, I say it. It's sometimes hard, sometimes takes me a second to get it out. Sometimes I have to warm myself up a little bit. But once I do number one, it proves to me that my significant other cares about me, because I can see that the by the way that they're responding, that they empathize with me, and that they love me and care about me through their reactions to my. Venting about my mental health, whatever, but also it. Allows them to help me, you know what I mean. They can't help if they don't know, so I think that. When you catch yourself in a mood or you catch yourself, you know, in a bad spot, right? Like, let's say you go and you hang out with them and you're really bummed out and they're, like, trying to figure out what's wrong and you just don't get into it. That's a great time to get into it, and that's a great time to start. That first conversation is when it's clear that something's going on, you know what I mean? And they're obviously kind of picking up the somethings going wrong. You started by just being like, listen, I'm bummed out, and I don't want you to think that it's about you. Because it's not at all. This is not. I I don't want you to take this personal and like, resent me because I can guarantee this has nothing to do with you. I hate bringing this up. I don't like talking about it. It makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel like I'm a burden. But I really want to let you in on this part of my life because you are one of the go to people in my life and you need to know about these things so that we can have a better understanding and our relationship can be just that much stronger and so. You know, talking about that with them when you're struggling in, like when you're specifically struggling. I think could be a great way to open the conversation. And then after that, it's just going to kind of flow, right. I feel like they'll probably end up checking in on you, hopefully seeing how you're doing, seeing how you're feeling that day. And like, you know, the conversations will change and shift because now they have knowledge of that element of your life in your brain. And so I mean, I know for me, like I have really bad anxiety so bad sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes it's really bad and so. In a very recent relationship. I've like. Had to open up about these things a little bit and I keep it light, but I I like get anxious and I spiral myself into these ******* crazy deep dark holes. About **** all the time and my friends and family are all used to it. But like when you're in a new relationship, you need to be like, listen, I'm. Really an anxious person, and I ******* drive myself nuts with this ****. And like, even though it's probably irrational and dumb, it really will freak me out. And so I'm going to need to bring these things up to you sometimes. Or, like, bring **** up to you. That's stupid. Like, just to. Get it off my chest. Does that make sense and like it, you know? Kind of having your significant other be aware of that. Almost relieves a lot of. Your discomfort, and it makes you feel like a lot safer. I don't know if I explained that well, but anyway. OK, next one, somebody said, hey, Emma, sometimes my friends shame me for my body count because it's lower than theirs. How do I not feel like **** about myself? Because I haven't been with as many people. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm not good enough. I love you, so this question is awesome. But I also want to touch on both sides, like your body count being really high or really low. I'll start with your body count being really low. I mean, I don't. I've never really understood. Why people put so much pressure on body count in general like? Things like that are so personal and they're so different for everybody and like. You know, being intimate with people has such different meanings to everybody. For some people, it can easily be something that's really not emotional. It's just not emotional at all. And for some people, it is really emotional. And it's just totally based on how you're wired. It's like, if you like mustard or not, right? It's it's like it's so different for everybody. And I have so many friends that are one way and so many friends that are the other. And like the thing about it is that there's so much judgment in division between the people that. Are less emotional about hooking up with people and then the people that are super emotional about it and there doesn't need to be. You know what I mean? It doesn't really matter, and it's nobody else's business, OK? So if your friends are harassing you about one way or another, if they're saying, oh, yours is too low, like you're prude, whatever. You can be like. Why does it matter? Who cares? Who ******* cares? Like, who cares? I don't. I'm picky. And like there just hasn't been a lot of opportunities for me. Sorry. What do you want me to do? Go ******* make out with Jeremy that's sitting over there like, what do you want me to do? I don't like Jeremy. And I'm sorry that you like Jeremy because he's an *******. That's really too bad for you. You should go make out with Jeremy. And when he breaks her heart two days later, don't come crying to me like, why? I I just don't understand why it's anybody's business. But then also if somebody, you know, on the other hand, if somebody's saying like, oh, you like, you get with too many people, like, that's gross. Well, as long as you're being safe about it and you're being responsible and you're getting STD tested and you're wearing doing smart things and you know, whatever, and you're not putting anybody else at risk, what's the problem? What's The Who cares? Who cares? And also. It's just it's it's so dumb to me and I think that like reminding your friends like that it is. It is so unimportant. Just being like, listen. Who cares? I'm on my own journey, sister. I don't need I. It is my thing. It you don't need to be. Commenting on. That that's so personal, you know what I mean? And you can make it light and fun too, because I know that, like confrontation, that serious can be really awkward, and I don't like doing it either. So you could be like, well. You could literally play it off like, well, I guess I just don't have as good game as you. I just can't pull in the pull in the people like you. So maybe you need to teach me some advice and like, just keep it light. But just like remember that it's none, it's none of their business and you can do whatever you want and. Who people? Hook up with him. Don't hook up with his nobody's business. And that's. Next, somebody said I've been talking to this guy since January. He's asked me my favorite movie, what shows I'm into, all of that. We've been talking since then, but he doesn't really make a move. He always responds to my Instagram stories, asking the dumbest things just to have an excuse to talk to me. I haven't really talked to him for like 3 weeks. What do I do to? Should I DM him? I'm so frustrated. I feel like he's waiting for me to make a move in quotes. He's older, OK, so in my opinion, I think that you should make a move if you're interested. Because I think a lot of times people will get discouraged if they feel like they're not getting the same effort in return, or they're not getting out any effort at all and they're just. Taking a hint that doesn't really exist, like, they probably think that you're not into it. And they probably feel kind of stupid right now. And that's probably why they stopped talking to you, because they were like, well, if this person cares, then they'll hit me up. I already did my part. I put in my effort. I'm done here. Not everybody's gonna persevere. Through the rejection. Or through the minimal effort the people that do are special, but the that not a lot of people will do that. So I think that. You give him a taste of his own medicine. And. You send him a dumb, pointless DM. It's something that, if you guys end up dating, you'll laugh about later. So that's fine. Try to hang out with him. Honestly, if you guys live close or there's any opportunity to hang out, be like, hey, I missed talking to you. Like we should actually hang out in person like I, you know? Want to get to know you IRL, babe? You you? Yeah? I have some friends and family members who wear contacts, and honestly, I can't imagine how much of a pain it must be to always have to go to the eye doctor, go in for unnecessary tests. When you know that your prescription hasn't changed. It's so time-consuming and so stressful. I truly can't imagine one 800 contacts has been making people's lives so much easier and delivering contact lenses for 27 years. They make getting contacts super fast and easy. Even if you have a really strong prescription, all you have to do is order the same contacts you would get from your doctor. Just look on the side of your contacts box for that info. You can order online, over the phone, or with their app, and they ship them fast and free to your home. 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I know I've said in the past that you need to remember. That not. One person is the same from the last. Everybody is so different. Like a snowflake. OK, so. You can't hold your new significant other accountable for what your old significant other did like. That's just not fair to your new significant other. But at the same time, that's really hard to do. And I've said that in the past, but I don't think I realized until I was put into the situation how hard it truly is. I think what you need to do is be patient with yourself and let your new significant other prove you wrong. OK, let's say you're used to your old significant other. Canceling plans? Constantly. And it was always super disappointing because you get super excited and then they'd end up cancelling. And so now every time your new significant other makes plans with you, you're constantly expecting them to cancel. Wait for them to prove you wrong. Don't give them an attitude. Give them the benefit of the doubt a few times and if they do the same things then that's a conversation you need to have. And you need to be like, listen it this is something that, like, I've dealt with for a long time and it like, I take it personally and it really hurts my feelings. Like I. I don't need. You can't be making plans with me just to cancel like, that's a great. I mean, that's a decent example. Or if you're used to your significant other cheating on you, for example. And so every time you're not with your significant other, you're paranoid about them cheating. Wait for them to prove you wrong. Call them at a random time of the day. If you're feeling really anxious. And see if they're with anyone. I mean, there's ways that they could hide it, but it would be pretty crazy if they were. Do things like that and let them prove you wrong, and then soon you'll trust them. You know what I mean? And you won't. Be tying your old significant others actions to your new significant other because. You're going to see. That they are different based on their actions and I think that getting to know your new person. More and more and more and more will help you. Grow and move past your trust issues. They'll always be there. They will. I don't think that those things go away. I really don't. But. I do think that that really helps, and I also think that if you feel comfortable enough talking to your new person about. Your past and like what people have done to you can really help too so that they know what triggers you to be super anxious and have trust issues like let's say. You're not the type of person that can't be texted all day because when your ex did that, that meant that they were cheating. Like telling them that so that they understand that. Really helps because then they might be like, Oh well, OK, I'm gonna make sure that I'm texting. You five times a day, minimum, so that you know that I'm like, I'm still here. And. That's OK if you need that, especially in the beginning because. Being in like toxic relationships, I mean that **** does a number and so. If you're with somebody who's truly good for you, they're totally going to understand that you might need a little bit of extra reassurance because of what you've been through, and vice versa. So. That's that. Next. Somebody said how do you get your friends to do really cool **** with you? Example road trip. I think the key to this is. In the beginning, you might need to be the one that initiates it. You might need to be the one that does the planning. You might need to come up with the idea, because they are. They're probably not going to do it on their own if they're not that type of person, but. Kind of telling your friends, like, hey, this weekend we should really do a road trip. Like, I'm, I'm really, I have this idea. I think that we should go to San Francisco and I think that we should go thrift shopping. And then, you know, we can stay here at my like Cousins house, like whatever's. Giving your friends a fully developed plan for them to be excited about. I think that that usually works. Or being like, OK, this weekend we're doing a BBQ. I will get all the groceries. You guys just show up at this time. And I think that like. Kind of. Being the one who initiates it in the beginning is going to really help create that kind of culture within your friend group. Because I think that it's really easy for friend groups to kind of get bored and end up doing like boring **** like sit in a basement for hours. I used to do that with my friends in high school and it would get really toxic really quick because we would all just be doing nothing and we weren't doing anything fun, so then everybody would just end up arguing. I feel like if you. Do cool **** with your friends. It actually creates a stronger bond in a healthier friendship, because just sitting around and doing nothing with your friends creates drama. And let me be the one to tell you that. OK, so somebody said I was speaking with my therapist yesterday about life values. Ohh. And she told me to think of somebody I'd look up to and think about what their most important life values were. So what are your top five values in life? Well, number one, huge compliment. Thank you so much for looking up to me in any way that's makes me want to cry. Probably going to start crying after this. I would say my top five values I really want to get into this number one I think is. People in my life. To be honest, which is crazy because like. I do consider myself to be very independent, but I also think that my relationships with people. That I love is my #1 priority and making sure that they know it. And Umm. Making sure that they feel cared about. And I'm not perfect at it, you know, I tend to be somebody who can. Get a little bit self-centered when I'm working or doing things like that and I don't sometimes I forget sometimes to check in on people as often as I should, and that's something that I've been working on for years now. But. Prioritizing the people in your life. And keeping those relationships strong and just like, you know, having a good relationship with your family and with your closest friends to the best of your ability, that's something that is one of my biggest values in life. And even as those things evolve, people come and go, you know, that's OK, just whatever relationships that you have in your life in the present. Trying to. Put as much love and. Effort into those as I possibly can and making those people feel safe and comfortable with me. And like they truly have a good friend or a good family member to lean on. So just being there for people that I love and. Having a strong relationship with them is number 1. #2 is definitely health. The health of myself and everybody around me, I think that sometimes as a young person I tend to forget about this. Which is, you know. Ignorant and naive and dumb, but you know, I think that just taking care of myself as best as I can and. Exercising? Eating things that are good for my body. And just overall, doing my best to stay healthy and just, you know, kind of almost manifesting and praying. I'm not religious, but like, praying is the only word I can use for everybody else's health in my life. And just in general, like, health is just so important and so. You know, that's definitely #2 #3. I would say I don't know if this is a value, but I think that. Humbleness? I don't know if that's a value, but being humble. I think that. Others being humble and trying to stay humble myself. Is really important to me, just because I feel like. You have to be real with yourself about what you're what what's going on, OK? And I think that being humble allows you to. Be a better friend. Be a better family member. Be a better person in general. I think it allows you to see the world for how it truly is. In a way, I also think that. It allows you to grow too, because if you have like this massive ego, good luck growing because every time you **** ** you're never going to think that. It was your fault. You're never going to hold yourself accountable, and so you're never going to grow. But if you're humbled, then you're like, OK, **** like, I ****** ** here, I'm gonna apologize, or I'm going to make this better and I'm going to learn from this. But if you have a fat ego, good luck, #4. I would say honesty as well. Just trying to be honest and transparent with people as much as possible and. Not sugarcoating ****. Obviously a white lie here and there. Let's say your friend puts on an outfit. You think it's hideous, and you say that is the best outfit I've ever seen. I'm not talking about **** like that, but I'm talking about, like, important stuff. Being honest with yourself, being honest with others. About you know, the big hard hitting stuff and. Just being honest and transparent. To the best of your ability, that's always, nobody's perfect at that, OK? I'm not saying that. Being perfect at that is something that like is my value. I think the value to me is more striving to do that. As much as possible. And last but not least, I would have to say. Loyalty to people. I think that. This is especially in relationships. I've just always been. Really loyal and made it. My goal in life to be as loyal as possible. And again, I'm not perfect. I mean, I've never cheated on anybody, so that's not what I'm saying here. But I'm not perfect. You know what I mean. But. I think that surrounding myself with loyal people. And. Being loyal myself is a huge goal for me and I do my absolute best to have that in my life, whether it's me or it's the people that are around me and I think that when you find loyal people. Whether it's your parents or your siblings or your significant other or your best friend, like, finding loyal people is so important because life throws a lot of **** at you and you want to have people in your life that you know would be with you through thick and thin. And I think for me, because I'm in the public eye and things are a little bit more shaky for me, finding loyalty is really difficult. And there's a lot of people that want to switch up on you real quick. And I think that finding somebody who's loyal and genuine and being loyal and genuine. Self to others to the best of my ability is super important to me. Moving on. Clothes are one of the many ways that we express ourselves and we're constantly switching up our wardrobes. To reflect our interests and styles. But one thing that is a little bit more difficult to switch up is our glasses. Until now, because now with pair eyewear. You can have a different frame every day, OK? With pair eyewear, you start with a chic pair of glasses, right? That look great just by themselves, but they have a special secret. Which is that they have at little. Magnet inside so you can snap on. A cool frame on top of your existing glasses. I got the crystal clear Reese base frame which is just a really chic pair of all clear glasses. The frame is clear obviously the lenses are clear and I got a tortoise frame and a Plaid frame so I can now it. Basically I have 3 pairs of reading glasses now. There are so many options, iconic base shapes and then all sort of frames to go on top retro classic neon sparkle. You'll definitely find your vibe I also love. Buying from a brand that really, really cares and pair provides glasses to a child in need for every pair that you buy. Get glasses as ever, changing as you are with pear. Go to pair eyewear com Emma for 15% off your first purchase. That's 15% off at PAIR eyewear.com/emma. Next, somebody said Emma. How do you have such good fashion sense? That is really sweet. Thank you so much. I am it. I really appreciate it. Honestly, I just really like spend a lot of time. Looking at clothes and seeing how people wear clothes and looking at clothes from the past and you know, just seeing like looking at stuff going on Pinterest, getting inspired, looking on people's Instagrams who I love their style and taking little bits and pieces from everything and making it my own to the best of my ability. And that is kind of how I've created my style. And also just like finding fun ways to. Keep my closet fresh, whether that's thrifting or. You know, working with new brands that I'm excited about. I am constantly trying to like make my style better. And it's gone through a lot of phases. Some have been really good, some have been really bad. It's definitely been some bad ones for sure. But I think right now, like I've really been trying to like. Put on outfits that I'm super pumped about and that also kind of Take Me Out of my comfort zone a little bit. OK, next somebody said so. The boys in my town are so dull and have zero fashion sense and stuff. But like if I want a boyfriend, how do I meet new people outside of my town? Especially now that we can't travel? Love you lol. My recommendation is to not look at all, and my recommendation is to focus on yourself right now. I think I've addressed a question like this before, but really. I mean of course you can always get a dating app, which I don't recommend. Not safe and scary to me, but that's my opinion. You know, you can go on Instagram, DMS, whatever, but I honestly think you use this time where none of the guys are fitting your criteria to really like manifest what you want and to focus on yourself and finding your own identity so that when you do find that that. Man, he is ready for you and you're ready for him. You know what I mean? And you have the confidence that you need to be in a healthy relationship and you have the foundation. Somebody said I'm still in high school and I am that gal that doesn't have a friend group. I tend to be everybody's friend. How can I deal with feeling left out of Hangouts constantly, like not being anyone's first choice ever? I totally know what this feels like. And I've gone through phases like this. I think that. If you really, really want to get closer to some of these people, you know, you might have to make the conscious effort. Because I think that for people who tend to be floaters when it comes to friend groups where they're kind of floating around to everybody, I think a lot of people tend to think that those people don't want a closer relationship than just being the floater. Like, I think that people always assume that people like you don't really care that much when in reality it seems like you know you do, which is totally normal and natural. But they might also think that you have, you know, other friends and that you're just kind of hanging out with them sometimes. But I think that you know, making an effort to maybe find one person out of these groups that you feel a really good connection with but don't feel that close with, try to develop that friendship. Maybe ask that person to hang out one-on-one. And start to develop these friendships individually so that. You can get to know them better and then you know you can either find somebody who's your go to person or once you have you know, a closer relationship with one person in a group. Then there's a decent chance that you're going to be integrated into these group activities a lot more because you have kind of one person who knows the truth about you and your story and how you're feeling in these social situations. But in order to, you know, vent these things to someone, you need to grow a relationship with them. So I think the first step would be to. Try to find somebody in these groups that you feel drawn to and try to hang out with them one-on-one. Somebody said what can I do if I really want another dog but I don't have the time to look after it? I thought about getting a cat, but cats hate me. Well #1 getting a cat is super easy. I mean it's not and you obviously have to be cleaning litter box and all that, but. Just because, like a few cats hate you don't mean that all of them are gonna hate you. Cats tend to. Cling to the person that they're around the most. I feel like. So if you got a cat, I have a great feeling that you guys would grow a pretty good bond if I can make Frankie like me, which is one of my cats. Any cat can like anybody because Frankie is a little ***** and only likes me. So like that says something. But also, don't ever get something that you don't feel like you can take care of because you're just going to regret it down the line and it's going to cause so much more work for you. So really think about this. And also, maybe even just get excited about getting a dog in a few years. Like, start thinking about that and like what kind of dog you want and do some research and spend the time that you would normally spend petting a dog or walking it doing research on what type of dog breed you want when you're older and then you know you can try to find one when you go to rescue or adopt or whatever. I recommend rescuing. That's what I always do. With my pets, but yeah, do some fun research and whatever and spend your time doing that instead. Also, I really want to touch on that. I really, really recommend rescuing animals if you're planning on getting an animal. I mean, obviously teach their own. I totally get it, you know? Sometimes you want a certain breed. Let's say you want something hypoallergenic and you don't know if you can get that from. You know, whatever. But if it's possible. Look around these animal shelters and see what you can find, because you know those animals need it the most and they can be really, really amazing. And I rescued both of my dogs. At my my mom's dogs and then both of my mom's cats and then both of my cats are rescues and it just feels really good to do that because you know. You're giving an animal a home that could potentially be killed. So I mean, it just feels good, but also, I'm not guilt tripping you into anything. You can do whatever you want and I will never judge you. And I'm. I'm just giving my little two cents and my little advice, but, you know, whatever. Next, somebody said how do I deal with boys only wanting me for my body? There are some exceptions, but I'm 17 and most boys I've talked to just pretended to like me so that they could have me in some sexual way. Even friends of mine have ended our friendships because they wanted to make it sexual and I didn't. It destroys myself, esteem, because I feel like the only thing lovable about me is my body, which I already don't like. It's a loaded question, but I was wondering if you had any advice. I love you. Well, I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. I can guarantee that you will find somebody. Who likes you for every single part of you, and that is absolutely certain. But I feel like I've actually struggled with the opposite problem. So like people will like me, but. Like, this happens a lot. Like, a lot of people will like me, but they'll be like, Oh my God, your personality is so good, but you're like, kind of like, they don't. They're not really attracted to me. Especially like before I went through puberty super late and I was a really late bloomer, so like, you know? It took me a really long time to. Kind of. Have any dude attracted me at all because I just was so, like, underdeveloped? And it was tough because it was like. You know, it made me feel so unattractive and like really gross and embarrassed or whatever. And even after I went through puberty, I was, I've had phases where just like. I didn't feel good about myself and I like, you know, whatever. And then that showed through and then nobody liked me and whatever. So I think the key is to be patient and to remember that that is not true. Don't give these people the time of day. If you start to sense that they're using you for something, shut them down immediately. I can promise you that somebody will come around that likes you for you. And you'll know it when it happens. But for now. Just keep shoving those people out of your life, one by one if you have to. I don't care, because these people don't deserve you, and they don't deserve. Your body either. Because that's not how this **** works. You know what I mean? And. I can see how that would affect your perception of yourself negatively, but you have to remember that, especially in these teen years. A lot of the a lot of people are not making decisions with their mind, they're using their. Weenie. You know, but I can guarantee that guys do grow out of it. A lot of them do. Not all of them, but a lot of guys grow out of it and you know. I think you just need to be patient and hold yourself to a super high standard and don't let these people you know use you. Remember that you're a bad *****. And that. You deserve the utmost respect. And appreciation. From any guy that gets to speak to you. That is the damn truth, and don't accept anything less. This will pass, I promise. Somebody said how should you act with your close friend after they gain a huge following? I get that nothing should change, but maybe a way of being supportive or help with the hate that they get? And what if they get kind of distance free from you for a bit? I don't know, maybe you can talk out of experience. I love you. I just read that so badly I literally cannot read apparently today. You know, to be honest, I think yes, definitely acting super normal. I mean that's key, but also like, you know. Checking in on them and being like, hey, how's your how's your mind doing? Do you need to talk about this? I'm always here to listen. Just being like a shoulder to cry on and an ear to talk to is great. But also I think giving them space can be really important too, because they think. When you like gaining a following, it can like really, really like rock your world. And I think that sometimes you, your friend may not be emotionally available. They are dealing with something that's like really. Life altering. And so I think that, you know, being understanding and kind of forgiving of them in the beginning when they're trying to figure out what the ****** going on, they might not be like. Able to be as available for a little bit and I think being understanding of that is super helpful, but also always being there at the same time I think is really helpful and it might seem like, Oh well. That's not fair to you as a friend, but also it passes, so it's like they're going to even out and be normal again. At some point. It like their brain will even out and they'll figure it out. But in the very beginning, like there's a lot of turbulent stuff that goes on. So just being supportive, being a shoulder to cry on, you know, inviting them to things that will help get them off their phone. All of that is so important. And being understanding too, if sometimes they can't respond to a text all the time, or sometimes they're, you know, they go missing for a little bit. Because they're dealing with the. Craziness that it can be. I think that that's really, really helpful. Somebody said I have a really hard time with living in the present moment. I'm either super nostalgic and stuck in the past or I worry about the future too much. I feel like this leads me to being sad for no reason and anxious. Advice? I got you. I think that the key to this is finding things to do. In your day-to-day life that force you to live in the moment, going to the beach with your friends, going for a drive with the windows down, listening to music really loud stuff like that forces you to live in the moment. Doing activities force you to live in the moment that are fun and exciting. That's why for me, I've recently made it a huge priority to. Celebrate. Life on the weekends, you know what I mean. I used to never do that, but. Recently I've realized that, you know, being around the people that I love and like celebrating being alive, like doing things like going to the beach and like, you know, going on long drives or like, going and getting really fun food from like a diner or like, you know, whatever. And, like, doing those things with people that, like, make you feel good. That's the stuff that forces you to live in the moment. And that's what pulls you out of that nostalgic mindset. Because I think that you tend to get nostalgic when you're like, Oh my God, I used to have so much fun back then. Well, if you literally force yourself. To make new memories. You'll end up forgetting about the past because you're thinking about the present, and then day by day, the pass will get farther in the past and you'll be able to push those thoughts away so much easier. Somebody said how to know when it's time to separate from longtime friends, or how to set better boundaries late in the game so that you don't have to separate. Umm. I mean, I think that, like, there's obviously some situations where, like, you need to just cut this person off. I think that if they're being toxic, if they're being manipulative, if they're judgmental, if they're too clingy and like a negative way, that's like controlling. Those are all reasons, in my opinion, to just kind of hit the road. Sorry. But if you think that like this is a relationship that you think could like last and that you don't think needs to go bye bye time. I think that you just start acting really busy. And, you know, you might have to say a little white lie here and there, but I think that creating some distance between you and this person in a way that seems organic can not only give you Peace of Mind to see, like, is this somebody I need in my life or really want in my life? Or is this just somebody that I'm keeping in my life to avoid conflict? Right. And I think that getting some space from them will help with that. But then also, you know, it'll allow you to have more time to hang out with new people. It'll give them time to do the same, and it'll make the relationship and the friendship. That's dependent, so that's my advice on that. Anyway, I'm gonna wrap this up because I need to save some topics for the next time I decide to do advice session cause I'm starting to feel like. There's only so many problems that people have in this world, but anyway, I hope that this was helpful, and I hope that these aren't too repetitive. But I really enjoy doing them and I love hanging out with you guys for the hour that I do. And I hope you guys are all having an amazing day. And I love you all. And I'm really hungry. And I need coffee and I have a migraine, so I'm out of here. I love you all so much. Thank you for tuning in and thank you for being awesome. And I will see you next week. Peace out. We're here with Phil talking about what's new with Hart Nissan. Phil, what are some good reasons somebody should buy now? That's a great question. We all know that. Our shopping could be an overwhelming process. Plus people are uncertain about a lot these days. Hard Nissan recognize that. So we've rolled up a heart rewards program. All new and pre-owned vehicle purchases. Get one year identity theft protection, 3 Virginia State inspections and multipoint inspections, one year tire Rd hazard with roadside assistance, a three day vehicle exchange, and every purchase or service earns heart rewards points. That's a ton of stuff. It's amazing offering all those benefits. It can really save people a lot of headaches. And of course. Money, exactly. And we have even more savings right now. Get 0% financing on all new and certified pre-owned Nissan in our inventory. Phil, thanks so much for coming in. Hartnissan.com right, you got it. Hartnissan.com or check us out in the Apple App Store or Google Play store, use your head and trust your heart. Maximal finance $20,000 for 60 months with tier one credit approval with MC dealer for full details.