Emma prefers to share her thoughts with a microphone rather than a physical human being, so thank god she has a podcast. Recorded from the comfort of her bed, Emma talks at length about whatever is on her mind every week. Anything really does go on this podcast. Sometimes philosophy, sometimes a random story from 10 years ago, sometimes advice, and sometimes nothing at all. You never know what you are going to get, but that’s what keeps it interesting. New episodes every Thursday.
Thu, 02 Jul 2020 10:00
Emma is back with more life advice for everyone. Topics like getting over an ex and how to deal with a friend starting to date them, thoughts on diets and the best ways to stay healthy, keeping a good relationship with your parents, especially if they are divorced, overcoming image issues and gaining self-confidence, and so much more. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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I'll get into it. So. I had a super anxious day yesterday. I don't really know why. I don't know what happened, what came over me. I just like was spiraling all day about different things. My anxiety was just so bad. I don't think I've had. That terrible of anxiety in months. But it creeped up and it caught up to me. So the anxiety was going on and then. When it was finally time to go to sleep, my body was like, no, no, you're not doing that. None of that for you. So I literally stayed up until 4:00 AM. And could not sleep and my mind was just. Racing and it was ******* awful. But the good news is I knew this in the moment and now I'm living it. Last night I was like, tomorrow morning I'm going to be fine. Like, I know I'm not going to be anxious about any of this stuff. Turns out woke up the next morning, was no longer anxious. Why is that? Like, I don't get what it is about night time that makes anxiety 10 times worse. I cannot figure it out. It makes it so much harder to control. I think it's because you kind of know that you need to go to sleep soon and settle down. But the thought of settling down is like it makes you more anxious and the next thing you know, you're up until 4:00 AM so I slept in until 11 today, which I have not done in a really long time and. It was kind of ****** but you know what? We're recording today. We're gonna have fun. We're going to talk. About what you guys need advice on today. We're doing advice session #3. I'm so excited. Basically advice session is where you guys ask me what you need advice on. And then I play a big sister for the day and I, you know, and I give you guys the advice that I have, so. Let's get into it. Ohh. I just made the most disgusting burp I've ever made and I cannot leave it in. Because. You would all never listen to the podcast again. Like that was the craziest burp I've ever heard. I don't know why I burp only when I'm recording. Actually, that's not true. I burp literally all the time. But. That was really terrifying, so I'm really sorry if you guys heard that anyway. Now let's get into the questions. Alright, #1? Somebody wrote in I feel so unloved and out of place because I haven't kissed a guy yet or had a boyfriend yet and I'm 17. I totally know what you mean. I was very similar. I was kind of a late bloomer and. Like socially and like physically, like, obviously, you know, late bloomer. You know what that means? I don't need to get into it. But like, I just didn't ******* go through puberty until I was literally 16, and everybody else went through puberty when they're like 12. So that was interesting for me. I literally got my period when I was 16. So if that doesn't tell you how late of a bloomer I was, I don't know what will. But I just was like really like the thought of boys. To me. It just it was almost so scary that it wasn't even appealing anymore. Like the thought of kissing a guy for me was just out of the question. I was like, I. I'm too scared. Like, I just can't do it. Like, it would be so awkward. I don't know what I'm doing. Like, you know all the fears that that one has when it comes to all of those things. And. At the same time, like because I was kind of a late bloomer. There weren't really a lot of dudes that were interested in me at the time when I was in high school, in middle school and all that. Umm. And it totally made me feel unloved, even though. It was also partially my decision. Like, I also didn't really wanna like. I wasn't ready to like. Start the whole boy thing. Like I was too scared for so many years, but even though I didn't really want to either, I also kind of deep down did and. I think a big part of it too, is that nobody really ever showed enough interest in me to make me inspired to, like, push my fear aside. Like it just, I don't know if that makes sense, but I totally get it. The thing that I think I wish I knew when I was younger and I hadn't kissed a guy yet or had a boyfriend yet. Is that? There really is no rush and you don't know that. When you're in it, but I think some people are quicker to start those things, like some people have their first case in like 6th grade and then it's just crazy from there. And some people, some people are more. Like you and me, where we maybe feel a little bit scared or uncomfortable by that and we have to wait a little bit longer for that to feel comfortable for us. Both scenarios are completely normal, healthy and fine. I think for your specific situation. My advice would be to find a guy that you feel really safe and comfortable with. Maybe even start dating a guy like whenever you start dating a guy. Save those things for for that person where you know that. They aren't going to judge you and that they can kind of help you feel comfortable with all of these things. And they can kind of guide you, you know what I mean, so that you're not like. It's like more discussed. You know what I mean? When you're dating somebody, you're like, hey, I actually haven't had my first kiss. I don't know. And then. They can kind of help you through that and be like, don't even be nervous. Like there's no pressure or whatever. That's at least how they should be acting. Another thing you could do. This was kind of more what I did. When I was younger, I literally was like, I don't care, I just want to get it over with. I will kiss anybody. I just wanna get it out of the way so that I don't need to be nervous anymore. So then I just like. Kiss a random dude. He wasn't random, but. Like somebody I didn't know very well so that there is no pressure. Like I actually ended up being becoming friends with him after like. And we kind of just forgot that that whole thing happened, but. It was kind of nice because it was also like, I didn't feel like this pressure cause I literally had met him twice. So it was like, OK, I don't care what he thinks. I'm not trying to impress him. I'm not trying to date him. So there's no like, pressure of like, Oh my God, if I **** this up, then I'm never gonna be able to talk to him again. Because like, you know, and I wanna date him like, there's so much less on the line when it's somebody that you don't really care about their opinion of you. So that can kind of be good too, but I think. Either of those options are good, but just remember that there's no rush and that you have your whole life to to have boyfriends. You have your whole life to kiss boys. There's just no rush. And if anything. It's just not that exciting, right? Like, once you like, get it over with and you, like, have your first kiss and it's over, then like, the whole thing becomes not as fun anymore. It's almost more fun to, like, dream about it and like. Speculate what it's gonna be like. Then it it's more fun to do that almost than it is actually kiss guys or girls or whatever. Not that it isn't great and all, but you get what I'm saying. Like there's something really special about the time before you've had your first kiss when you get to dream about it and be like, Oh my God, you know, little fairy tale. Like, uh, I wonder what it's gonna be like, you know? Next one, how do you deal with non mutual crushes and love? God, this is the worst and. You know, I've actually handled this in multiple different ways in my life, so I don't know. I think that there's two options, right? You can kind of. Be friend. Let's say it's your friend, right? You can continue to be friends with them and enjoy their company and just kind of like low key, manifest it like. Obviously, don't. Have too many expectations because that can end up hurting you. But also remembering that it's like, not impossible, right? Like, it's not impossible. They could come around and they could be like, you know what? Actually you're pretty ******* awesome. Let's let's date. You never know. So I think that never like necessarily giving up. Is step number one like you'd be surprised people will be fully like, no way I would never date you and then would turn around and do it. It's happened. I've had these things happen. But if you're feeling, like, very hopeless and you're like, there's no way that this is gonna work or you're not even really that close with this person, so there's no way that you can, like, bond with them, I say that you just try to find somebody else that you have a crush on to replace that, right? So, like, even if it's a ******* this might sound psychotic, but even if it's like a celebrity, this is so weird. But like, when I was younger. If I would have a crush on a guy and it like wasn't going well, I would literally find like a celebrity that I thought was cute and I would watch their interviews in use that as a distraction to like. Not think about the person I had a crush on. I don't know if that's weird, but. I've totally done that. I used to do that. I can't say that. I can't say, well, just leave it in. I'll leave it in. Am I gonna regret that? No, I'm not gonna regret that. I'm not gonna regret that cause this ******* true. And I'm also not the only one, so everybody can ******* relax anyway. Moving on. Somebody said my friend is dating my ex now and I told her I couldn't mentally handle being friends with her if they were going to be in a relationship, and I don't know if that was the right move. In order for me to answer this question, I actually had to put myself in. Your shoes for a second and like, really think about how that would make me feel. And I'm not gonna lie to you, if any of my friends dated one of my ex boyfriends, I would not. Well, it depends on which one, but. For 90% of them. 99% of them, I wouldn't be able to deal with it. I don't think. Like that would make me really uncomfortable. Because. I don't know many people who, it wouldn't make them uncomfortable. There's there are two types of relationships, right? There's like the type that leaves a lasting imprint on you and then there's the type where you break up and then you never think of them again. I mean, there, there really is the two separate types. Based off of what you're saying, it sounds like you had more of the first one, so you had more of a relationship where it left a lasting impact on you. You are absolutely entitled to have those feelings you are at. Those feelings are valid. Those feelings are normal. I don't know many people. Who would be OK with their best friend dating their ex? I mean I would never in a million years date one of my friends ex boyfriends if I was really close with my like. If my best friend's ex boyfriends, I would never even go near just because of ******* quote like girl code or whatever that is. But it's just not right like it just is weird. Especially if you're really close with the person still. I mean, if it's like an old front, I don't know. I mean, there's a lot of different situations, but if it's your best friend? Or one of your really close friends that you hang out with all the time and they did that, I would say. You absolutely deserve to feel like that. You did not make a mistake by telling her. Hey, that makes me feel weird. I don't know if I can be your friend. That's exactly what anyone would do. I feel like unless they unless somebody was in a relationship, that was one of those. Ones that were not as significant and like you break up and then you don't think about it again like that type. Then it might not be as much of an issue. But because it seems like he meant something a lot to you or whatever. Of course, I can't even imagine seeing one of my best friends like with one of my ex boyfriends like that would make me want to throw up. I'm not. I'm not kidding. That would make me want to throw up. I'm thinking of like my 2 best friends right now. Like. If I saw them specifically with one of my ex boyfriends, I would literally not. That would make I couldn't be friends with them. I would literally be like you need to break up or something. Like I can't be around this, so sorry. If it was like somebody that I didn't really know that well, dating one of my ex boyfriends, I wouldn't really care because it. Would be different, but if it was a friend it would be weird. So you absolutely deserve to feel like that. Your friend shouldn't even be dating your ex-boyfriend anyway if it makes you uncomfortable. OK, so if I were to host a live radio show and I could play any music I wanted. I would honestly probably have the time of my Life OK, but I'll admit I would probably end up playing. Just sad music. I don't know what it is about me, but I love sad music, OK? And so I'd probably end up playing. A lot of sad music. Specifically for the people who are listening in the car by themselves. That want to shed a tear in a good way? Well now there is a place that I or you or anyone can host a live show. Amp is the platform that allows people to come together and create live, unfiltered radio shows with whatever music or content that they love. And this is like a real show where you can have people listening live and you can pick exactly which songs to play, and you can even have fans calling in to chat while you're on air. If I had a live show, I would definitely. Have people call in and ask me for dating advice honestly, so I think I'd have to do dating advice. You know what this actually sounds like? The perfect radio show. Sad music combined with dating advice. Because all of the shows on AMP are run by real people, you can tell that the playlists are authentic. A playlist generated automatically just sounds different than one that an individual is controlling based on their passions and tastes. And with 10s of millions of licensed songs to choose from, everyone will find the music that appeals to them. But it's not just music. You can have a talk show. Or react to news, or riff on pop culture. And that's one of the best parts about being a podcast host. You can just riff. On whatever. Excites your mind on any given day. So download AMP today in the App Store. That's amp, or ask Alexa to play AMP next one. One of my best friends keeps talking about how she wants to live life on the edge and do drugs. Slash drink alcohol, which is just really not my sort of thing and I don't know what to do. I'm finding it really stressful. This is so this is very normal. I feel like everybody deals with this, whether it's like a friend that's kind of wanting to go crazy or it's like. Umm. Or sometimes it's you that wants to go crazy, like. You know, this is very normal. So. I think the thing that you have to remember is. What your friends do you know on their day-to-day basis or where your friend's moral codes are at at that specific time. That doesn't mean that you need to do what they're doing, for one. So don't feel like, Oh my God, if my friend starts doing this, then that means I need to start doing this. Absolutely not. Yeah, it's on. Those are not. Those things should not be in the same sentence. Like, if you don't want to do the things that she's doing, rule #1 don't do them, and if she tries to pressure you into it. Then she's a problem. So your friend. Should be understanding. If you don't want to participate, that's thing #1. If you need to have a conversation, be like, hey. You can do whatever you want. I can't control you. These are things I don't really agree with. These are things that I don't really want to do. I'm still going to support you and love you, but I don't know if I can. Hang out with you while you're doing these things, or if you do these things around me, like, I'm not going to participate and I just need you to know that there's ways that you can communicate it so that your friend understands that. You still love her. You're not judging her. But you're not going to participate. I think it's coming to this agreement that's as so. I will respect you and I will still be your friend, even though you're doing things that I don't agree with as long as. You are OK with me not doing them and you don't judge me for not wanting to participate. It's this equal respect and I think that if you can establish that then you guys will be fine. Another thing is when kids start experimenting with, you know, drugs and alcohol, I've noticed that a lot of it tends to be a phase. You know, like. I mean, obviously. At a certain point in like young adulthood, it's like no longer a phase and some people go different directions. Some people continue to. Participate in those things other people stopped completely because they're like **** this and then some people are in the middle where they're like yeah, I dapple occasionally and. I think that you know your friend who knows your friends wants to experiment. She's probably, you know, she's probably gonna settle down eventually. I'm not saying that she's not gonna do those things if she's like she might, but. She'll probably end up settling down. I think it's in the beginning when kids are first starting to try things where they just go crazy and they just like whatever. And then I think a lot of the times kids kind of end up finding this. This balance where even though they're not supposed to be doing it, I'm not saying that you're supposed to be drinking underage, doing drugs underage. That's not what I'm ******* saying. Trust me. But I'm just saying that this is the reality of the situation. It would be ignorant for me to say, well, you should be telling your friend not to do this at all. Because. Although that would be. Number one, that's not going to get. I mean, you can try to tell your friend, like, hey, maybe you should rethink this, but if they're gonna, they're probably gonna do what they're gonna do anyway, so. Be a place of. Support for your friend. So that they can lean on you, give them advice, try to talk them out of it, plan a seed, be like maybe you shouldn't be doing this, but if they do end up doing it regardless, which usually people kind of do what they want to do and nobody can stop them. Just know that like. It's probably just a phase. And if it isn't, they'll probably settle down. But who knows? But the thing I said in the beginning about the whole like mutual respect thing where like you guys both respect that you don't agree on that topic. I think that that's the best way to keep a strong friendship while having differing morals, you know? All right, next one. Hi, Emma. I know this is specific, but I need help on it. My parents got divorced when I was really young, and I've been living with my mom. I don't really know my dad that well, and I'm having difficulty having a good relationship with him. How do I start a conversation with him? My parents also got divorced when I was really young. And so I understand how, you know, jarring that can be, and how it's kind of easy to. To you know, it actually is really difficult to have a good relationship with both parents and it it takes a lot of practice to find that balance and. And it's tough, but I I it's never too late to to grow. A relationship with somebody, it's never too late to, you know, mend those relationships. It's never too late to, like, start fresh. I think that you guys should. I mean, #1 if you guys are in the same area. I don't know where your dad lives, but if you guys live in a similar area, it could be really nice to grab coffee, grab lunch. And be with each other in real life and just kind of start. Bouncing off of 1 each other one another and just start talking about random ****. I mean like catching up on like how your school life is, how is work life is you know what hobbies you both are into and then you guys can maybe find something you have in common. Let's say you both really like tennis. Or let's say you both are really interested in. Like you both really love sushi or something. Find things that you guys have in common or find something that. You guys can teach one another and then put energy into that. So it's about like finding something that you guys can bond over and then going from there. So let's say you don't really know much about tennis, but your dad is really, really good at tennis. Be like, hey, maybe you can teach me how to play tennis and find little things that you guys can relate over and like, find, like something that you can do together. I think that that's. The best way to build a relationship is when you're doing things with the other person, because. It takes away the awkwardness of being like, oh God, what are we gonna talk about? Like? You know, we're just like sitting here and doing nothing. Like, I don't know, you know, find something you guys can do together. That's an activity. And I think from there, you know, hanging out with somebody, it's crazy what happens naturally just because of nature. Like next thing you know, you're going to be talking about this memory and that memory, and next thing you know, you're to be talking about your feelings about this or that or you're gonna open up about these other things and I think. The step one is just spending time with him and. Getting comfortable with him so that you feel safe to talk about your feelings and open up. All right. Next one. Hi, Emma. I was wondering, for advice session #3, if you could give me some advice on learning how to be comfortable in my own skin. I have acne and acne scars and they just make me feel ugly and I'm on medication for it currently. But it's a big struggle and I take care of my skin and I'm still insecure about it more than anything. I know you struggled with acne, so how did you not manage to break down about it? Because I cry about it. To be honest, I love you and would love some advice on how to not constantly overthink and feel insecure about my acne. My acne scars. Girl, I totally get this I had acne for. Probably six years on and off. And I just. Finished taking Accutane, which is you might be on Accutane. It sounds like it's the medicine that makes hopefully all your acne go away. The thing about acne is that. What you need to understand is that it's not your fault, OK? Nine times out of 10, acne is hormonal, and that's not a real statistic. I just made it up. But based on people I know, like, there's nothing that you can do. It doesn't matter what products you use. It doesn't matter. It's hormonal and it's so ******* normal. So many people have acne. The thing that you need to remember is that you're not going to have acne forever. OK? You will find a way to get rid of it. It's all about. Patients, whether you grow out of it or you take a medication like. You will get through it. And. It has nothing to do with your character. You're still an amazing, beautiful person regardless of. Your acne or whatever acne doesn't. It sucks, dude. It really sucks and I. I totally understand. Like it's one of those things where. I'm not going to tell you like that. It's easy to not be insecure about it. I used to cry about my acne. All of the time, all the time, all the time. It was my biggest insecurity. And I mean, I've struggled with so many different confidence issues throughout my life, whether it's with my body, my skin, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and. Acne was no exception, OK? It was that was really. That was probably the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. I think that. What you need to remember is that anybody who's judging you for your acne is an *******. There's no. Need to feel. It's so tough. It's so tough because. I like I struggled with it and I never truly figured out how to get over it. I mean, I think for me, my main priority was just finding a way to heal it. You know, that was like my number one priority. And that's what kind of kept me inspired was like, one day I'm not going to have acne anymore. One day I'm gonna be able to get rid of it. And, you know, and eventually I figured it out, but it took six years, you know of never so. But while you're living in it, what you need to remember is like. It doesn't define you. It has nothing to do with who you are as a person, and it's so normal. So many people have acne. Most people have acne at least at one point in their life. It doesn't make you any less beautiful. And if anything, I think my experience having acne. Was so humbling. And actually made me appreciate. When once it went away like once, you know, I. Went on Accutane and it went away like now I feel so. Grateful for that and I don't think I would have had that feeling of gratefulness otherwise. But also I think that I truly understand acne now and I understand the people that go through it as well and. So I can relate, whereas I feel like if I wouldn't have gone through it, I would not be able to relate or be a support for other people who go through it, you know? And that's something I'm really grateful for. You are absolutely just as beautiful with acne as you are without it. And. Don't let anybody ******* tell you different, not even yourself. Don't let yourself tell you anything and like you, it it. Don't let yourself tell you any different. That's what I was trying to say. Just know you're not alone. So many people struggle with acne. OK? There, it's you're not alone in this. And you're going to get through it. OK, so I've told you guys about circle before, right? Spelled CIRKUL. 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And then you have a super flavorful sip. Right now Circle is giving all of my listeners. Up to 35% off their order, plus free shipping on all orders of $15 or more. Plus, as an added bonus, we're throwing in my favorite flavor, strawberry Kiwi, for free. Just visitdrinkcircle.com/emma that's drinkcirkul.com/emma to get this limited time offer today. Again, that's drinkcircle.com/emma. Somebody said how do I get over somebody when we never actually dated? Especially when I keep thinking we might date one day, but I know it's better for me to just move on. I mean. I don't think there's anything wrong with. Being kind of in love with somebody that you don't necessarily that you're not. Dating at the moment or that you don't have anything going on with at the moment. I mean, it's so normal and I think that. It's really hard to, like, control your mind. If you're into somebody, you're into somebody. It's really hard to turn that off. I think something you could do if you want is, you know, talk to new people, make new friends. Talk to someone that you think is cute, like try to find somebody new that you feel like is a seamless. Thing. You know what I mean? Where it's like you're not fighting for their attention or you're not fighting for them to like you back. Like find somebody who? You know, be patient. Takes time. It takes a lot of time. But. Put yourself out there and try to find somebody to take up. Take that space, which I kind of talked about earlier. But also it's hard to control that. So if you can't control that and you're, you know. And you can't turn that feeling off, you know? Don't be hard on yourself. It'll pass. Either it'll pass or you start dating. So who knows, right? Be patient with yourself, and don't be mad at yourself for feeling the way you feel. Somebody wants advice on how to handle situations with your parents when you don't agree with them. She says. My dad. She says my dad and I have very strong opinions that are opposite, which has us arguing a lot. I think that there is something to be said for not talking about things that you disagree like. Avoiding those topics, you know what I mean. I I know it might seem hard sometimes when. They're like maybe relevant topics that are either going on in the world right now or there's something that's something that's really personal to you. I would say that avoid those topics and maybe have a conversation with your parents and be like, hey, I don't really think it's healthy for us to talk about XY and Z. Maybe we just avoid those topics altogether and agree not to bring those things up because it's really detrimental to our relationship and it's really toxic to be around. You don't need to talk about everything with everyone. I I've had topics. That I've disagreed with people about my friends specifically or friends in the past and I've just made it. My priority just never have those conversations with those people, because it just. Doesn't get me anywhere. You know what I mean. It doesn't get you anywhere. Talk about something else and avoid those topics. If. It's something that's unavoidable. Then I think like where it's like something that you have to talk about. Have a conversation being like, can we both put our egos aside here and agree to disagree on this? We're both obviously stuck in our ways here. Neither of us are budging, so can we just find a way to agree to disagree and respect each other's opinions because? You're my parents and I. You're my parents, but we're also human and we don't need to agree on everything, but we do need to respect each other. And I think if you guys can find a way to respect each other's opinions. And put your egos aside. You will get through it. OK, next one. My boyfriend and I have been having little issues. And for a while we were all good, and being in quarantine definitely isn't helping. But as of right now, my main issue is me feeling uncertain. I feel like he just knows so much about me, and compared to that he doesn't know much. I try to ask questions to know more, like what's your favorite song and he gets suspicious. Don't get me wrong, we both love each other, but he gets so defensive, OK? What I'm kind of getting from this is that. You and your boyfriend. Have some tension going on. There's a little bit of tension between you two that makes you feel uncomfortable and makes you feel uncertain, and you feel like you guys don't actually have a super close bonded relationship, but it sounds like to me is that you guys actually. Are more dating without a friendship element. I think that a really important part of dating is something I've realized through my. Experiences is that. The best and most healthy relationships. Come when you're best friends with your partner, right? When you. Hang out with the person that you're dating in a way. Like your best friends, but then obviously like. There's like an element of. Affection there, that's different, but when like you hang out and talk to your significant other like you would your friend and like. You tell them everything and. You share things with them, right? Like you share your favorite songs with them. You share. All those types of things, I think that that's. The groundwork, if that's the right word for a healthy relationship. It sounds like to me you guys maybe don't have that friendship element, and it's more just. OK, well we're dating and we love each other, but we don't actually have a friendship. You know, like outside of our like relationship because there. That is normal. You know, sometimes I've I've been in relationships where I've just kind of like. Been. Just like a kind of a listener. Didn't really add much. I've I actually one of the relationships I've been in that comes to mind. I don't think the other person knew anything about me, to be completely honest. Like, I genuinely don't think they ever asked. And I don't think I felt safe too. Tell them like I just was like. I almost felt like we weren't close enough, in a sense, for me to like, talk about things that I was interested in or talk about things that I liked because I felt like we just didn't even have that, like Friendship Foundation, where I felt safe. To share those things about me and vice versa. It was almost like when I was dating this person, it was like. We were just kind of like going through the motions of being in a relationship, but we didn't really have any sort of deeper connection. It felt really shallow in a sense, I think that. A conversation needs to be had with your boyfriend or you say, hey, I've thought about this a lot and I think the reason why. We have these little issues is because I don't think we. We've really ever spent time getting to know each other. And getting comfortable telling each other about who we really are and like what we're all about and all that. And I think that that would be really beneficial if we. You know, kind of started over in a sense and like really got to know each other and moving forward. Talk to each other like we're friends, you know? Like we're each other's friend. If this doesn't end up working out, this relationship might just not be the one for you, which is OK. And you know, sometimes the little issues that all build up are a sign that the relationship is not. Maybe meant to be, you know, not. I mean, that's a tough pill to swallow. I've been in relationships where I knew that me and the person I was dating just weren't really meant to be together. And it was just there was too many little problems and they all added up and we just weren't good together. But at the same time, it doesn't mean I didn't love them. You know, I still love them equally as much, but. I knew deep down that it wasn't right, but I kept fighting for it because I thought that there would be a way to fix it. Some relationships are just not meant. To be like you're just, you don't have. You don't click that way with somebody. But I also think it's hard to know that until you felt it like I never knew. Oh wow, you can actually be best friends with somebody that you're dating, but that is totally possible. And that's exactly how it should be where you like, tell them everything and it's fun and it's chill and you guys have a really deep understanding and you know everything about them and like, that is possible, but it's also the other option is possible. But the other option never really leads to something that's long lasting and healthy. I think it can create kind of a division when you don't feel like you have a deep understanding of your partner, you know. So I would say either have a conversation saying we need to start over or. Maybe write it out and see if you can make it work, and if not then hit the road and. Find someone new. What does it really take to make in New York City when you're young? The come up is a new freeform docu reality series on Hulu. It follows 6 ambitious creative 20 somethings in NYC as they break the status quo and take up all the space. It's a real look into how this next generation of icons are breathing life back into the downtown scene, all while pursuing their dreams, which is a long way of saying they're killing it. The show follows Sophia, a breakthrough photographer who shot her first spread for nylon at just 13 and has been shooting major campaigns ever since. Fernando Modeling's next international star, Tawfiq, the youngest fashion designer to show at New York Fashion Week, Claude, a New York native and aspiring actress. Ben arising, entertainer from Texas and a newbie to New York City, and Ebon, a trans rights activist and fixture of New York underground nightlife. This is now or never. With big goals and even bigger ceilings to break through, they'll need to bust their ***** to chase their dreams. It's time to hustle free forms the come up new episodes Wednesdays on Hulu. OK, next one. Somebody said I need advice. What's a good diet? I'm going to stop you right there. I am going to stop you right there and say never go on a diet. Never go on a diet. Please. Diets are very toxic, OK? I've done it. It it doesn't work long term. OK. And it can cause so many. So many other issues mentally. That can be really detrimental. It can become really obsessive. You can get really obsessed with falling the rules of a diet. You can get really obsessed with, you know, making sure that everything you're eating is perfect. And that can lead to. Some really bad things for your mental health, and it can lead to eating disorders that are. Awful. OK, so don't ever go on a diet. That's my recommendation. I absolutely am anti diet. I always have been. I mean, actually that's not true. That's not true. When I have tried going on diets before and I've seen what it does, it's not good. It's ****** ** my head and it's not healthy. It's not a healthy thing to do, and it never ends up working long term because then I go on said diet for a little bit and then I'm like, Oh my God. I can't do this anymore. I need to live my life and then I go back and then it just never ends up. It actually, I end up going back to worse habits than I had before. Here's what I'm gonna tell you. There's no need to go on a diet. Have fun with it. Diets are not fun. The word diet to me is not a fun word. The word. Exploring new foods? That's a sentence. But exploring New foods, new recipes, finding cool alternatives that are healthy, right? Like finding cool pasta alternatives. Finding cool pizza crust alternatives like finding cool ways to cook vegetables that make them taste good finding. Fun, healthy snacks that you think are really good. Like. Changing your your habits and in doing little replacements of things that you know you already love, and finding healthier, more nutritious replacements for those things. That's the key, you know, like just making small little changes and. Trying to replace. Some of the less nutritious things with more nutritious things and making that into a lifestyle thing, right? Like, obviously if you're ******* at a Italian restaurant and you're like, I want to eat a whole plate of whatever the **** I want. Do that **** if you're like, Oh my God, I wanna eat, eat. Don't ever restrict yourself. But when it comes to day-to-day life, when you're cooking for yourself at home, when you're making yourself a lunch for work or school, those are the times when you. You know, can make an effort to like choose things that have a have more nutritional value and you know are more good for your body, right. But don't ever, but don't think that like because you're making those healthy choices at home that you can't have something that's maybe quote UN quote unhealthy, right. You can still do that. It's just if you want to. Make a change in your life so that you can feel better. Right. Because, I mean, eating healthy makes you feel better. That's the number one most important thing. And it's better for your body so that you know, you can live a nice long. Strong, healthy life. Or do your best to do so. That's why eating healthy is so important. But it's about. Making it fun. Finding fun new recipes. Only having healthy snacks in your house, you know, not only but replacing your unhealthy snacks with your healthy snacks. So that you're, you know, more inclined to grab something that's maybe again more nutritious, like it's those little habits. But please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please don't go on a diet. Change your whole lifestyle instead. You know what I mean. Reroute the way that you think about eating, you know, in a way that's healthy, not obsessive and not. Putting pressure on yourself. You know, not being like, Oh my God, if I don't do this, if I don't eat this certain way, I'm gonna be so mad at myself. Like, don't think like that. Think like I'm gonna make an effort. To eat more nutritious things and to replace a few of my unhealthy habits with healthier ones. It's an amazing first step and also last thing I'm going to say about this. Is. Educate yourself on what healthy eating means. You know what I mean. Maybe even talk to a nutritionist and see how. You can make little changes in your diet to make yourself feel better. And have healthier habits. That's you know. Or, you know, there's lots of resources online that obviously are not necessarily specific to you, so take everything with a grain of salt, but. Just educate yourself on all of that. You know, and. Make sure that you're aware of something becomes toxic and obsessive when you're when you're doing making this transition, be honest with yourself about. If you're being too hard on yourself and all that. Make sure that you. Are cutting yourself some slack and being patient with yourself and that journey moving on. OK, this question is from a guy, which is the most amazing thing ever because I never I I mainly get questions from from girls. So this is so fun to give a guy advice about girls. Oh my God, I wanna do a whole episode like that. Oh my God, how fun. I'm writing that down. OK, sorry, I just got like super excited about that idea. I really. I'm excited. So to all the boys that listen to this, if there are any. Which apparently there are, which is ******* so cool to me. But if you're a dude and you listen. Get ready, because soon I'm going to do an episode where I give you guys girl advice. I would love to do that. I think that would be so fun because I am a I am a girl so I like get it. So like I'm in that spot so I can help you guys. Anyways, question. Is please don't use my name. Ohh I won't, I won't. How can I get a girl to know I'm interested without outright telling her OK, so? Step number one is to be as respectful as possible, right? So there's a there's a really fine balance here because you want to make sure you're being respectful of the girl and you're not making your uncomfortable, of course, so. You know, although body language is important, it's important to keep the body language to a minimum, right? Like it's. There's a fine line between like, you know what's OK and what isn't when it comes to like, if you're having a conversation and you touch your hand or something like, that's a really fine line. That can be kind of scary because it can sometimes make the girl feel uncomfortable and, you know, stuff like that. But. I think that a little bit of that, as long as it's really respectful and friendly, it's not something that, like, is at all sexual or weird, as long as you're being respectful. I think that little things like that with body language can be important, like, can be really, you know, important. And I know for me, if I'm talking to a guy and they, you know. Give me a little nudge. Friendly nudge, innocent nudge. Nothing weird like I'm, I'm making. There's a very fine line, so I'm making sure to be careful here with that, but. You know something like really like innocent and playful that you would do to a friend like nothing. Whatever, that's a really big sign to me. Like, oh, this guy might like me because, you know, he's kind of showing that. He's interested in talking to me with his body language and. All of that. Another thing you can do is you can make an effort in a room to talk to this girl, right? So let's say you're in a, you're at a party and there's like a bunch of girls around, a bunch of guys around, and you go up to her specifically, and you talk to her and you're like. Making an effort to have a conversation with her, that's another one that I think is huge. Also like. I think that innocent compliments can be really cool. Like. Obviously, again, it it is a fine line with what's, you know, uncomfortable or maybe even sometimes kind of. Not tasteful versus tasteful, but I think like if you say like. Wow, you know? Your outfit is so cool today. Your hair looks so good today. Something that's innocent, you know? I think that that can be kind of sweet and you know, again, it's friendly. It's something that you would also do to your friend, but I think making an effort to like compliment her if if that's how you feel, you know? Make an effort to communicate with her. And show her that you want to talk to her and not other people, right? Those are ways that you can do it. But I think that the number one thing is to just. Be really respectful of her and her space and her feelings towards you and like. All of that I think that that's that's. That's what will lead to. Hopefully something really great between you two once she finds out that you are interested. But I mean, there's also something to be said for, you know, if you get to a point where you like this person so much. It never hurts to be like, hey, I actually have feelings for you. Although I never do that **** I'm a little ***** when it comes to that. I literally cannot even. I literally will. Even in relationships I struggle with being like I like you a lot. Like I literally, I have a really hard time with that so probably need to go to therapy for that one. Don't know what happened there, but anyways. OK. Next, I've been going through a tough breakup the past three months. He dumped me over text after a year together, and then slowly cut me out of his life by blocking me on every single social media platform. I never reacted or responded. Now suddenly he's dating a New Girl who is the epitome of a person he dislikes, and I don't know how to feel about it. Whether it's a rebound or he's changed as a person, it haunts me how quickly he moved on, especially to the specific girl. I uh, I know what this is like. I've been through this. The thing is, is what you have to remember is that everybody deals with the breakup differently and you can't take it personal, you can't take it how your ex significant other. Deals with the breakup. Has nothing to do with you, OK? That's how they want to deal with it, whether it's dating somebody who just doesn't make sense for them, or it's. You know, getting with a lot of people really soon after the breakup or it's. Blocking you on everything. There's nothing that you can do. You know what I mean, the way that your significant other deals with it. Or your ex deals with it. It's their own journey. It's their own process. You might not agree with it, but to be honest. You're better off. Not looking at their stuff anymore. Because The thing is the way that they deal with it. Has nothing to do with you, but when you're looking at all of it, it's so easy to take it personal and be like. You know so and so does not like. You know this type of person. Yet like. He left me for them, right? Like, that's such an easy place for your mind to go, but you have to understand that you don't know what's going through their mind. Who ******* knows what demons they're dealing with and and why they're doing the things that they're doing that are out of character. I think that. The best thing that you can do is. Immerse yourself in your friendships, in your hobbies. In your school work or your job or whatever thing keeps you occupied in. Block this person back and don't let yourself look at what they're doing anymore. It's the hardest thing ever. It's so easy and weirdly fun to like, look and see oh, what's my ex doing rightly. It's really fun, but you have to stop because you're taking it personally. It's affecting, you know, your view of yourself, which is so normal. And don't be mad at yourself for letting for doing that. It's very normal, but in order to stop that process, you just can't see what they're doing anymore because he blocked you. Block him back. I mean, I'm not a huge fan of the whole block thing. I've never done that. Umm. But. Because he did it. I mean, you might as well block him back so that you can't look him up. You can't see it anymore. You don't know what he's up to and. Start trying to, like, find it a new person to be excited about too. Like, get out there, you know what I mean? Get out there and try to talk to new people, even if it's a little bit scary, and see that you know what? I'm moving on to. The second that you see yourself moving on, that's when it's easier to see them move on because you're like, well, I'm doing it too. Don't overanalyze and don't take it personally. Although that's the worst advice ever, because it's like impossible not to do that, but just take the steps to. Move on and not take it personal. I have so many good questions today that this episode might either be really long or I might have to save these for another day. But somebody said how do I know if I'm crushing on the idea of someone or the real person? Oh my God. I love this because I have totally. Liked people dated people because of the idea of them and not actually who they were. Thousand percent, 1000%. It's so normal, I think. The way to know. Is. How well do you really know this person? Right? Like, do you know what they think about when they're going to sleep at night? Do you know what they do on the weekends? Do you know what their relationship with their family is like? Do you know things about them? How much do you know about this person? Do they show weakness to you? Do you see their weak sides? Do you know what they're insecure about? Do you know what? What's a weakness for them? If the answer is no, if you don't really know that much about them except for that they have a cute face. Then you probably like the idea of them. If you don't know that much about said person. And you haven't really had a friendship with them first, or you haven't spent time getting to know them? Then the crush is probably. The idea of them. The more time that you spend with somebody, the less likely you have a crush on the idea of them. But. I think a really important thing is being friends with somebody before you become in any way like. Romantic with them, right? Like if you are friends with them and kind of develop a friendship in a sense. It doesn't need to be like long, but if you're friends with somebody for like a month and a half, two months, three months, six months before you start, like, dating them, you're going to really figure out. What you're in it for, right? Like, do I just think that they're cute or? Do I actually really like them as a person? Because. You don't have the romantic element distracting you from how you truly feel about them right when you're just friends, so that's why being friends first is super ******* important. But. Somebody said how to be more honest in a relationship. My boyfriend and I never really argued and I want to talk to him about certain things that bother me, but I don't know how to bring it up. I think that. I don't know. You know, I don't know anything about your relationship, but based on the fact that you don't really feel super comfortable bringing up your problems with him, kind of tells me that he might be maybe a little bit judgmental. I might be wrong about that, but I'm just guessing. Listen, The thing is, in a relationship, the worst thing you can do is be angry about something, not tell them, and then build up anger inside because that will eventually turn into something 50 times worse. You're going to start acting differently around them, you're going to start resenting them when you're not around them, and it's going to create a toxic relationship. It's so important to get everything out in the open and just talk about it and get it over with. Because I can guarantee the sooner you bring up these things, the sooner that you're going to feel relief and the sooner that you guys can get back to being in a relationship where there's no weird tension. Things that you're thinking about that bother you, right? And if you bring it up and he isn't understanding and doesn't want to work through it, then he's a ***** ** ****. So. It's really hard and it's really scary, but bring it up. Be like, hey. I have some things that are bothering me. I don't want to make a big deal out of them, but I do want to just get them off my chest. Here I go, and then just get into it. Somebody said how do you say no to people you care about? I find myself saying yes to everything. Because they don't want to upset them. I've just recently grew out of this. I think the key is. To make sure that you don't put yourself out in a sense, to help others all the time. Like, obviously it's it's good to help people or to, you know, say yes when it makes sense. But if something doesn't make sense for you and you're just saying yes out of pity, do your friend a favor by being like, actually no. Because in a friendship, transparency and honesty is key, and so your friendship is going to grow stronger if you're honest. And you say, no, I don't want to do this and here's why. Or no, I don't like that blah blah blah blah blah. That's going to be important for the longevity of your friendship, because similar to how you know the last question about not bringing up problems in a relationship, this can create. Kind of. Hostility, or from you and anger if you are always saying yes or you're never bringing up problems. That can create anger within you that you don't need to have. That's unnecessary for you so. You can do this. It's hard and it takes practice, but if you just start saying no and being honest with yourself, it'll become a habit. I have so many more questions, but I've been recording for so long and I really wanna go make myself breakfast so. I'm gonna go, but I'm going to do another advice session soon. I still have leftover questions that I haven't answered yet. That I'll use for the next time I do one of these. I had so much fun giving you guys advice today. I hope you get that you guys enjoyed listening. I hope you guys are having an amazing day. And I just want you all to know that I love you and I'm rooting for you. And whatever you're dealing with, you're going to ******* get through it. I can't believe I'm like inspirational now. I just was never like that before. But suddenly I'm. Suddenly I'm a little inspirational. Then. What's going on with that? But anyway. I love you all. Enjoy the rest of your day, evening, morning, whatever. And I will talk to you guys next week. Ma. Love you guys so much. We're here with Phil talking about what's new with heart Nissan. Phil, what are some good reasons somebody should buy now? That's a great question. We all know that car shopping could be an overwhelming process. Plus people are uncertain about a lot these days. Partisan recognize that? So we rolled up a heart rewards program, all new and pre-owned vehicle purchases get one year identity Theft Protection 3, Virginia State inspections and multipoint. Infections, one year tire, Rd hazard with roadside assistance, a three day vehicle exchange and every purchase or service earns heart rewards points. That's a ton of stuff. It's amazing offering all those benefits. It can really save people a lot of headaches and of course money. Exactly. And we have even more savings right now. Get 0% financing on all new and certified pre-owned Nissan in our inventory. Phil, thanks so much for coming in. Hartnissan.com right? You got it. Hartnissan.com or check us out in the apple. App Store or Google Play store use your head and trust your heart. Maximal finance $20,000 for 60 months with tier one credit approval within MC dealer for full details.