Anything Goes with Emma Chamberlain

Emma prefers to share her thoughts with a microphone rather than a physical human being, so thank god she has a podcast. Recorded from the comfort of her bed, Emma talks at length about whatever is on her mind every week. Anything really does go on this podcast. Sometimes philosophy, sometimes a random story from 10 years ago, sometimes advice, and sometimes nothing at all. You never know what you are going to get, but that’s what keeps it interesting. New episodes every Thursday.

advice session #12

advice session #12

Thu, 08 Jul 2021 10:00

Emma is back giving advice on every topic you guys ask about. Things like setting goals to help achieve happiness, dealing with Imposter Syndrome, letting go of difficult relationships and keeping current ones exciting, feeling comfortable being our true selves, and more! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: Learn more about your ad choices. Visit

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Carvana is in the business of driving you happy, and with the widest selection of used cars under $20,000, you're bound to find a car that'll put a smile on your face. They even offer customizable financing so you can plan your down and monthly payments to shop thousands of affordable vehicles 100% online. Download the app or visit Availability may vary by market. Hello everybody. Welcome back to anything goes. I'm Emma Chamberlain, your host. I hope you're having an amazing week. Welcome back. I'm excited because today we're doing our 12th advice session. I do not know how I've done eleven of these. Already like I do not know how it's possible and I don't know how. I still have advice left in my brain every time I record one of these. I'm like, how have I not run out? I'm going to run out any day now, but for now we're going to continue doing advice sessions until I'm. Just dried up. In the advice. Area of my brain. Advice session #12. I can't believe it. Advice session is basically where you guys tweet at me. On the Twitter at AG podcast. Situations that you need advice on and then I, to the best of my ability give you advice. It's pretty ******* simple and I'm excited. Let's get into it. First thing somebody said is how to be happy. That is very broad. But. I wanted to touch on it because I was watching a Ted talk the other day and I don't remember who was speaking, so I can't give them credit. So I'm sorry about that, but. I heard them talk about how in order to be happy, you need to have goals. You need to have a goal that you're striving towards, and I've talked about this before on the podcast, but. I really think that the foundation of a happy life. Is having something that you're working towards having a goal having? Something that gets you to wake up in the morning, something that keeps you going. I find for me personally, when I don't have goals and when. I'm just kind of floating by in life. That's when I tend to get. The most depressed and the most unhappy and the most reckless, in a sense. When I don't have something that I'm working towards, I. Can so easily fall into a depressive state because it's so easy to. Start pondering like what the point of life is. When you don't have a goal that you're striving towards. Having goals in any capacity. Give you something to live for, and I think as humans we struggle to find. Sometimes a purpose. In this life. Not everybody struggles with this, but I would say majority of people struggle with this, trying to find their purpose, trying. To find something. To work towards that's. A huge struggle for humans. And when we don't have it. It's easy to fall into a depressive state. So I would say. Although this advice is broad, the best advice on how to be happy. Is to find a goal. Which will then give you a purpose. Because. Just having nice things or. Just having good friends or. Just kind of like. Floating by is great, but I would say in order to feel true happiness you need to have a goal. And your goal could be. That at some point you want to get a certain job. Your goal could be that you want to improve in a hobby. Your goal could be that you want to make more friends. Your goal could be that you want to. Host dinner parties every weekend. Your goal could be that. You want to start. Stepping up your fashion game like whatever it may be. Having goals like that. Keep you inspired. In life. And I think that the more goals that you have and the more things that you can consistently work towards, the better. I don't think that there's any limit. You can keep adding things on, keep adding hobbies, keep adding career goals, keep adding social goals. You know there's no reason to. Limit yourself. Create as many goals as you can. And I think that that helps. Make you feel purpose. Somebody said how do you fight imposter syndrome? So if you don't know what imposter syndrome is, imposter syndrome is basically should I *******. I think we've talked about this before on my podcast, but. It's very prevalent in my personal life because I actually have imposter syndrome. So I thought we would talk about it again. Imposter syndrome is loosely defined as doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud. It disproportionately affects high achieving people who find it difficult to accept their accomplishments. Many question whether they're deserving of their accolades. So I have this. I constantly feel like. I am undeserving of my accomplishments. I feel like I somehow cheated to get where I am. I've always had this problem. It's gotten worse in my later years. It's very awful because. I cannot. Except. Any level of accomplishment in my own life. And that sucks because. Being proud of yourself is such a great thing, you know, and so literally mentally not being able to accept. Your own accomplishments is a ******* bummer, but. How I fight it is. I try to look at my own life and my own accomplishments from somebody else's perspective. I try to take myself out of my own brain, take myself out of my own. Psyche and. Look at it in a general view, from a general perspective. Instead of looking at my own accomplishments, from my own lens and from my own point of view, I tried to look at my accomplishments as my mom would look at me and my accomplishments, or how maybe my friends would view. My accomplishments. And. I've even. Tried to imagine. If one of my friends. Was me OK, this is confusing. I try to basically look at myself. As if I'm friends with myself. And I'm not me. If that makes sense. And I try to. Think about how I would treat a friend if they had accomplished. What I accomplished? So how would I treat my friend if they accomplished blank? Well, I would congratulate them and I'd be extremely excited for them and I would. Feel genuine happiness and excitement, right? So I try to look at myself as if I am my own friend. It's very weird. I'm not going to lie to you, not much has worked, but. I've tried those things and they've helped a little bit. And they might work even better for you O. That is how? I try to fight Imposter syndrome, but actually. The strategy that I just described of kind of looking at yourself. From. Somebody else's perspective, looking at yourself not through your own lens, is something that I think. Is really helpful in other areas of life as well. For example, if you're really hard on yourself, I know I'm really ******* hard on myself all the time. I'm constantly like bullying myself and being like, oh, you're not good enough, you need to. You know, work harder and you're not working hard enough and you're, you know, lazy and you don't deserve to lay in bed. And you know you need to read 1000 books a week and you need to work for 200 hours a week. Like, I'm constantly beating myself up, right? When I take a step back and I look at myself from someone else's perspective, for example my parents or my friends, I try to look at myself through how they see me. And. They would never. Call me lazy for wanting to lay in bed all day sometimes. They would never judge me. They would never. Think that I was a loser? You know what I'm saying? O why should I? I think that it's really important to step back sometimes and look at yourself. More objectively. And look at yourself as a real human being. You know what I'm saying? I think we forget to do that sometimes we get so caught up in our own heads. That we start beating ourselves up for not being perfect or for not being the most productive perfect person on this planet. But I can guarantee that you wouldn't expect that of your friends. You wouldn't expect your friends to get up every day at 5:00 AM and exercise and journal and read a book and work all day and then go to bed at 8:30 PM and be the most productive, perfect human being on this ******* planet. You wouldn't expect your friend to do that. You wouldn't. Judge your friend if they didn't do that, cause chances are they don't do that anyway. So like, you see what I'm saying? Like. Look at yourself like you are your own friend, and I think that that helps. With being kinder to yourself, you know. I need to do that more recently. I feel like I've kind of gotten bad about. Being too hard on myself, I I go through phases like that all the time, but anyway. Somebody said female hygiene tips. I don't have that many female hygiene tips because I really don't think I do anything. That crazy. But I will tell you. The biggest life changing female hygiene tip that I've ever received was from my mom and it was to buy special soap for your vagina. OK, nobody's talking about this. When I was growing up, I used body wash. Like normal body wash everywhere because this is probably TMI, but I don't care. I don't even know like did I wonder if my audience is primarily female. Probably so whatever if you are not using special. Soap for your vagina. You need to be doing that because your vagina is very sensitive and it needs. A very sensitive soap. That helps to keep your pH balance in your. Cooter. Happy and healthy. So that is the best female hygiene advice I have by vagina soap. OK, it's life changing. It keeps everything. Happy and healthy, baby. That's that's all I got. Somebody said I literally cannot let him go. It's been so long and I feel. And hope like he's going to come back. Do I reach out? What do I do? Please, please help. It sounds like to me you need a definite answer. You need either a definite yes or a definite no. This requires communication. Definitely reach out to him, because even if he gives you an answer that you don't like, even if he comes to you and he says I'm done, I I'm not gonna do this relationship again. I'm done. We need to move on. It's over. That's better than not knowing, because right now you're holding up your own life waiting around for him. You need a definite answer. You need a definite yes or no, and if he can't give that to you, then take it as a no. And who knows, he may come back at some point, but you need closure. Or you need. A chance to start over. But you need one or the other, because you can't live in this limbo of being like, are we together? Are we not? Are we going to get back together? Are we not? That holds you back from living your life. You know what I mean? Because if he comes to you and he's like, we're done, then you can go out. And start finding a new Bay. Hello, you know. And. You know the interesting thing about human psychology? Is that the more I do research on it, the more I realize how much of our realities are. Determined by our own mindset. And I I promise that this relates to the. Topic I'm discussing right now. For example, if you think that the world is out to get you. If you think that everybody ******* hates you and you think that. Everybody is your enemy. Because your brain is more aware. Of that. You're going to start to see it more in your day-to-day life. Because you're. Subconsciously thinking about it, right? Because you're in that mindset. So. You're going to notice when somebody gives you a slightly dirty look in the grocery store, whereas if you're in a good spot and your mindset is more like. You know. I don't really care what people think about me. I have good people in my life and. You know, I treat people the absolute best I can. And. How they respond to that is up to them. You know what I mean? If you kind of have more of that type of mindset, you're not really going to care or even necessarily notice when somebody gives you a dirty look at the grocery store because. Your brain. Is not subconsciously thinking that the world is out to get you. So do you see what I'm saying here? It's like. Our subconscious mind. Is. More responsible than we think of how we perceive the world. My point of this is. Let's say you're in a situation with maybe an ex or maybe somebody that. You are considering dating, but there's no definite answer or whatever. Let's say you're in a spot with this type of person, where. You don't know what's next. Like you don't know if you guys are going to date. There's maybe some cold feet or there's maybe some hesitation from the other party and they're like, I don't know if I'm ready to commit. Maybe they're kind of wishy washy and they're. You know. Pushing you around and blending you up like you're in a ******* blender emotionally, right? Let's say you're in a situation like that. The reason why being in a situation like that is so harmful is because. Subconsciously, you're not going to be. Looking outward. And you're going to miss. Potential opportunities to meet somebody who actually would want to commit, who would actually. Be a great, significant other. Like, you might miss out on someone else because you're so busy, fixated on this one person that is not giving you the commitment that you deserve. You see what I'm saying? But because you're fixated on it, you're going to miss. Potential other people that are around you. And I don't think that we realized that because I know I've been in some toxic situations where it's like half in, half out, not fully committed, whatever, and I was. Fine with being in a situation like that at the time, because I was like, well, if I did meet somebody else then I would just. Break this off and. You know. Go be with that person, right? But what I didn't realize was that because I was. All locked up in this complicated. Situation it's not a relationship, but like situation, right? I wasn't. Paying attention to. Other potential options and I was holding myself back so. Eliminating that. Helps you move forward. Moral of the story is you need to communicate with this guy. Say, are we doing this or are we not all in or not in at all? Because I need to either move on or I wanna start working on our relationship and developing our relationship. You need to make up your ******* mind. What does it really take to make it in New York City when you're young? The come up is a new freeform docu reality series on Hulu. It follows 6 ambitious creative 20 somethings in NYC as they break the status quo and take up all the space. It's a real look into how this next generation of icons are breathing life back into the downtown scene, all while pursuing their dreams, which is a long way of saying they're killing it. The show follows Sophia, a breakthrough photographer who shot her first spread for nylon at just 13 and has been shooting major campaigns ever since. Fernando Modeling's next international star, Tawfiq, the youngest fashion designer to show at New York Fashion Week, Claude, a New York native and aspiring actress. Ben arising, entertainer from Texas and a newbie to New York City, and Ebon, a trans rights activist and fixture of New York underground nightlife. This is now or never. With big goals and even bigger ceilings to break through, they'll need to bust their ***** to chase their dreams. It's time to hustle free forms the come up new episodes Wednesdays on Hulu. Clothes are one of the many ways that we express ourselves and we're constantly switching up our wardrobes. To reflect our interests and styles. But one thing that is a little bit more difficult to switch up is our glasses. Until now, because now with pair eyewear. You can have a different frame every day, OK? With pair eyewear, you start with a chic pair of glasses, right? That look great just by themselves, but they have a special secret. Which is that they have at little. Magnet inside so you can snap on. A cool frame on top of your existing glasses. I got the crystal clear Reese base frame which is just a really chic pair of all clear glasses. The frame is clear obviously the lenses are clear and I got a tortoise frame and a Plaid frame so I can now it. Basically I have 3 pairs of reading glasses now. There are so many options, iconic base shapes and then all sort of frames to go on top retro classic neon sparkle. You'll definitely find your vibe I also love. Buying from a brand that really, really cares and pair provides glasses to a child in need for every pair that you buy. Get glasses as ever, changing as you are with pear. Go to pair for 15% off your first purchase. That's 15% off at PAIR Somebody said have you ever met a new person that you feel like you can't be yourself around? If so, what's your advice? I have many times. And. What I've found with that. Type of social interaction is that usually what? It means is that? Whoever you just met. Right. Who doesn't make you feel comfortable? They're nervous. OK, that's it. That's. Well, I guess it's not necessarily true now that I think about it, because I think that there's two types of people that, at least for me, make me uncomfortable. Number one. People who are overly confident, but not in a cocky way though, like just super comfortable with themselves, like 200% themselves and just are. Unapologetic about it. That can make me nervous sometimes, but also when somebody is on the other side of the spectrum and they're completely. Insecure and kind of judgmental and kind of an *******. So. I would say with the first type of person, the really overly confident, the really. You know. Secure person. This is intimidating because you're like, damn, I am not on your level and I can feel it. Like I. Am not as in tune with myself as you are. And when you feel that within somebody else, it rattles your foundation because you're like, damn this person is. 10 steps ahead of me, you know, and it's normal to meet people and feel like that sometimes and then you feel like. You don't know how to rise to the occasion because. You're not there yet, you know, like you haven't reached that level of self-confidence or whatever it may be. And I can talk and I get intimidated by people like that all the time. But what I remember is, is that OK? These people are extremely confident. They don't give a **** about me, they don't give a **** about. You know, not like they don't give a **** about me, but. They're comfortable with themselves, you know what I mean? Which. Means that. They're probably not paying attention to you as much as you think. You know what I'm saying? They're not hyper analyzing every single thing that you say in every movement you make. They're comfortable with themselves. They have a good relationship with themselves. And people who are like that don't tend to judge because they don't care. They feel judgment comes from insecurity. So somebody who's really comfortable with themselves, really confident, stuff like that, they're probably not going to judge you because they have no reason to. They're comfortable. With themselves I've said that seven times but you got, I'm saying like they have they're fulfilled within themselves they don't care about what you're doing and they're not hyper fixating on what you're doing because. They're just one of those people that has a. Homeostasis between their mind, body, and soul and. Listen. I bet even those people have bad days. I bet even those people. Have moments of insecurity and judgment towards others. But in general, I feel like those people, as intimidating as they may be, are the least judgmental, and I try to remind myself of that and. Just speak to them as if they're my best friend, you know what I mean? Speak to them as if we've been friends for years, and if you do that for like 2 minutes, it starts to become more and more natural. Until next thing you know you feel comfortable around them. Might take a few times of hanging out, but you know you figure it out. But the other type of person that. Can make you feel uncomfortable. Is somebody who's. Kind of judgmental. Kind of mean. Kind of an *******. Let me tell you it that all comes from insecurity. If I look back at moments when I've been more judgmental or more of an ******* in general, it's been because I was. Insecure. Simple as that. Like that always comes from insecurity. So if you're hanging around somebody and they're just judgmental and mean and whatever. It's. Probably because they're really insecure and when you look at it like that, it puts it into perspective so that. You can realize that there's nothing to be nervous about, like you can just be yourself. Because guess what? That might be inspiring to them. That might actually rub off on them. When somebody is. Maybe being judgmental towards you, or judgmental towards others, or being just an ******* in general. Don't look at it in a way of like, oh, they're better than me because, you know, they like, The thing is, people are. Negative like that. Because. It makes them feel powerful, you know what I mean? It makes them feel strong because. Hatred is a very strong thing. So. It makes them feel powerful, but in fact, it's a weakness, you know? And we all have moments of weakness like this. It's not like there are some people that are completely exempt from being judgmental or negative or an ******* sometimes. Not at all. But I'm just saying that if somebody is frequently judgmental and frequently an ******* it's a weakness. It's not something that makes them have the upper hand. So. By you being yourself around them, you might inspire them. To get off their high horse and. Be themselves. But if nothing else. You should feel comfortable to be yourself because. They're going to be hating on everything, so it's not personal. I don't know. I would say when it comes to. Being yourself around people. I think that the general practice. Should be to try to just talk to everybody like they're already your friend. That's what I do. I talk to everybody like we're already friends. And sometimes it's more uncomfortable than other times, but it's a really good habit because now I feel like. It takes me less time to become truly myself around people because I just talked to everybody like they're my friend already, you know? And I try to. Always keep interactions really casual between people. Like, you know when you first meet somebody and it's kind of awkward and it's like, hey ohh, nice to meet you. I don't do that. I literally am like, oh, what up? Like I literally and when you just. Set the tone like that. It makes all the difference, but listen, it takes a lot of practice and you have to keep working at it every single day. It's like it definitely gets easier, but you know you have to keep working on it. Throughout life. Somebody said how can I start new projects to make my life more varied and interesting? A few months ago I had a moment where I was like, OK, I need to expand my hobbies. I need to. Do the whole thing like I need to start. Finding some interests because I was. Spending every day on Tik T.O.K, playing Fortnite, like, doing **** like that. I was like, I can't be doing this. Like I I cannot be doing this. I need to find something that's fulfilling for me. You know, I need to find a more fulfilling way to spend my time, and so I bought a drum set. And a sewing machine and I started reading books. Now what I learned from this. Was that? When it comes to starting new projects, or. Starting new hobbies or whatever it may be. The key is to not force them. OK, because I tried to force myself to learn. How to sell? It didn't work. I wasn't that excited about it. And so it didn't stick. And it was because I was forcing myself to learn how to sew, whereas with reading books or playing drums. I was excited about those things, like I wanted to get out of bed to play drums or I wanted to. Lay in bed and read a book for an hour, like those were things that I actually wanted to do and that I actually felt motivated to do, and that and those things stuck. And I think the key is is that. Don't be hard on yourself if something's don't stick because it's just gonna be that way. It's about trying out a bunch of new things, finding what sticks, finding what you want to do every day. And leaning into that, you know what I'm saying? At some point I might get into sewing. I now have a sewing machine for no ******* reason. I might get into it one day. It's it's here, and I might end up falling in love with it at some point. But right now, it's not gonna work. It's not working. I don't want to do it. I have no motivation to do it. It's too difficult. It's too stressful. I don't want to do it. I'm not pressuring myself to do that. I'm not like, oh, I I wanted to start this hobby. I'm not going to stop until I am perfect at it. I'm not going to do that because that just makes you get burnt out and that's not the point of. Having hobbies. The point of having hobbies. Is that it's supposed to enhance your life. So if you're forcing yourself to do something and it's not natural and it's not organic, stop and find something else. You know, there's unlimited hobbies. Another thing I started getting getting into, like, exercising more, and I started running a little bit more. And I always hated running. But I like, you know, started getting into it. And then I was like, OK, this is sticking. Like, I want to keep doing this. I'm enjoying this. So I'm just going to lean into it, you know? And if at some point. I no longer like running or if at some point I'm kind of over reading books, or if at some point I don't really want to. Play drums anymore. I'm going to stop and find something else you know. The point of hobbies is. To have something that you can work on that's enjoyable. But that also enhances your life, and if you're if you have to force yourself to do it, then it's not worth it. So. The key to starting new projects is to find things that are not so difficult that you're like. Stressed out about them, you know, find something that's fun. Not. A chore, you know. Somebody said this might be random, but how do you get comfortable eating in front of others? I go through phases where I will get like anxious eating in front of people because I don't know what I look like when I'm eating and I feel like it could be really not cute, but. OK, the thing with these little anxieties that we have, you know, whether it's eating in front of people or exercising in front of other people or. Wearing a new outfit or. Whatever it may be, these kind of inconsequential. But still, nerve wracking things that you feel like could be potentially embarrassing. The thing about all these things that we have to remember is that nobody is really paying attention. Think of this right now. When was the last time you were eating a meal with somebody and you watched them eat? I cannot name one time. I'm I could not tell you what anybody in my life looks like when they're eating. I can't even remember it. OK, so think of it like that, like people are so focused on themselves. Do not need to like hyper fixate on. What you look like when you're eating because nobody else is paying attention. Also, things like eating or exercising or, you know, trying out a new outfit or a new style or a new like, whatever it may be. All of that stuff is so normal, you know, it's all normal stuff. And. Chances are, nobody's even going to think twice about it. So. Just remember that that really helps me and also it's. It's also practice makes perfect, like just. Every time you know you get invited to a dinner party. Go and face that fear as often as you can. Because then you'll start to realize, oh wait, nothing bad is happening, you know? Then there you go. I have some friends and family members who wear contacts, and honestly, I can't imagine how much of a pain it must be to always have to go to the eye doctor, go in for unnecessary tests. When you know that your prescription hasn't changed. It's so time-consuming and so stressful. I truly can't imagine one 800 contacts has been making people's lives so much easier and delivering contact lenses for 27 years. They make getting contacts super fast and easy. Even if you have a really strong prescription, all you have to do is order the same contacts you would get from your doctor. Just look on the side of your contacts box for that info. You can order online, over the phone, or with their app, and they ship them fast and free to your home. You can even renew your prescription. Online using their express exam and there are so many benefits to going through. One 800 contacts. They guarantee if you find your contacts at a lower price elsewhere, they'll beat it. And I mean, who doesn't like to save a little money? Speaking of which, new customers can get extra discounts when you check out their site, and their 24/7 customer support is so helpful that it's award-winning. So let one 800 contacts get you the contact lenses you need. Order online at one 800 contacts. Dot com. OK, so if I were to host a live radio show and I could play any music I wanted, I would honestly probably have the time of my Life OK, but I'll admit I would probably end up playing. Just sad music. I don't know what it is about me, but I love sad music, OK? And so I'd probably end up playing. A lot of sad music. Specifically for the people who are listening in the car by themselves. That want to shed a tear in a good way? Well now there is a place that I or you or anyone can host a live show. Amp is the platform that allows people to come together and create live, unfiltered radio shows with whatever music or content that they love. And this is like a real show where you can have people listening live and you can pick exactly which songs to play, and you can even have fans calling in to chat while you're on air. If I had a live show, I would definitely. Have people call in and ask me for dating advice honestly, so I think I'd have to do dating advice. You know what this actually sounds like? The perfect radio show. Sad music combined with dating advice. Because all of the shows on AMP are run by real people, you can tell that the playlists are authentic. A playlist generated automatically just sounds different than one that an individual is controlling based on their passions and tastes. And with 10s of millions of licensed songs to choose from, everyone will find the music that appeals to them. But it's not just music. You can have a talk show. Or react to news, or riff on pop culture. And that's one of the best parts about being a podcast host. You can just riff. On whatever. Excites your mind on any given day. So download AMP today in the App Store. That's amp. Or ask Alexa to play amp. Somebody said, do you have any book recommendations? Yes, so I've read a few books now. I I just started getting into reading a few months ago and I've only read a few books. I would say the two recommendations I have are #1. The razor's edge. By W Somerset mom. Good luck spelling that. I don't know how to spell it, but it's a really great book and. I like it because. The story. Is not something super crazy or sensational. It's not like. A crazy murder mystery or a crazy? You know, dramatic tale. It's a simple recount. Of. A character like in their life. And their life is interesting, but it's not like the most interesting life ever. It's it's the way that the book is written that, like, transports you into. The setting of the story, and there's a lot of really interesting characters and. It's weirdly a very interesting book, even though it's not. That crazy? Like not that much is going on in it, but yet it's. Really interesting. And so that's the type of book I like. I like a book that is realistic. And that's honest and that makes me feel like I'm with them, you know? This book is great so. And and it kind of talks about, it touches on relationships and social status and. You know. It takes place in Europe and the United States. So, you know, it's nice to kind of feel like I'm in Paris when I'm reading the book, when the book is talking about Paris. Whatever. It's a great book. That's a really great book. Another great book, the first book that I read. Was east of Eden. I don't know what it is about this book, but I. It. I mean, I've not read a book since that has impacted me as deeply. There's so many. Philosophical. Discussions throughout the book that really make you think about your own life, and there are so many great characters. That. Again, can help you reflect on yourself in your own life. It's just a great book and it and it follows like. Multiple generations of multiple families, but it's so like. You know, you become really emotionally invested in the characters and in the families because you're following families through generations and it's like. I don't know you guys. I can't explain it, but you need to read East of Eden like it was the first book I ever read and it was life changing for me. Not only was weirdly comforting, but it also. Provided different perspectives for me and I think that that's what makes a good book, is a book that really makes you think about yourself and makes you reflect on your own behavior. And I feel like East of Eden really did that for me. So those are my two book recommendations. Somebody said. I feel really confused about my mental health. I distract myself 24/7 so that I never really have to think about what's going on in my brain. I don't know if I'm happy or sad or numb. Do you have advice on how to figure this out? I would say you need to find some activities. That. Kind of force you to think I'll give you some examples, so for me. Going on a jog. Or a run or. Going on the treadmill and walking or something? That. Forces me to think because I'm not going on my phone, I'm just listening to music and I'm stuck in my own head. And. The few times a week that I do some sort of running, walking, jogging. I'm. Usually reflecting. Subconsciously. And I find that it it it's a good time for me to think because I'm not just laying in bed and staring at the ceiling. I'm being active, I'm listening to music, whatever, but because I'm not going on my phone. I'm forced to reflect on my own feelings. Another thing that I do is like the other day I went and I got a massage. And while I was getting this message. I was like subconsciously working through things and it was interesting because I told my dad after I was like, I got this massage, but the whole time I was just like. Kind of anxious and, like, thinking about **** right? And he was like, well, I think maybe getting the massage forced you to lay there and work through your ****. And I was like, that's honestly really true. I think the key is to integrate activities. That kind of forced you to be a little bit bored, whether that's running or getting a massage or going for a walk or. Going for a long drive, whatever it may be, forcing yourself to be a little bit bored so that you. Are forced to work through your problems, but obviously I always am a huge advocate for journaling. I think that. Taking your journal and. Just starting to write about how you feel. Will help to unlock more things than you even anticipate before you start journaling. Like, you'll start writing about one thing, and next thing you know, you're like writing about 10 other things that are bothering you. You have to kind of unlock your brain. In that sense. You have to start. The chain reaction. Of. Unpacking what's going on in your head, but the only way to do that is to just start writing about something. What's the first thing that you can think of that's bothering you or affecting you in any way? Good, bad, neutral, whatever. What's affecting you in general? Start writing about it, and then more things will. Will come out. Somebody said I struggle with physical touch. I want to have a connection with this guy like a lot, but I literally almost have a panic attack when I think that we might hold hands like I'm 19. Please help. Yeah, I still have this problem. Like, I still get really nervous about physical affection. I mean, the longer that you're in a relationship or the longer that. You know. You're close with somebody the more comfortable that you get, but. I still get kind of nervous sometimes, I I think. The key is. To push yourself out of your comfort zone, but not to a point where you're getting a panic attack. You know what I'm saying? Because I've actually gotten. I think so. One time. I think I got a panic attack. When a guy that I was dating. Like had his arm around me. Because I couldn't stop shaking and I was like trying to hide it, but I couldn't stop shaking and I was like, and my breathing was all ****** ** and I couldn't breathe. And I think I've talked about this. I think I've told this story before, but anyway. I didn't know what was wrong with me, but in retrospect I think I was having a panic attack because I was so ******* nervous. The thing is. Some people are really comfortable with physical affection. That's great. Good for them. Whatever. Personally, I'm not like that, OK? You're not like that. The key for us is to, I think, #1. Push ourselves out of our comfort zone to a certain extent, but not to a point where we're getting a panic attack. It's all about small baby steps. You know, maybe grabbing their arm for a second and then letting go and like, just practicing. But more than anything. It's about finding somebody that you're comfortable with because. I'm not as nervous about physical touch once I'm comfortable with somebody, so it's about growing an intimate, emotional relationship with somebody. Because that helps so much with the physical element. When I don't feel really connected to somebody emotionally, the whole physical touch element is. Out the window, I can't even do it because I'm so nervous around them. I cannot. Have that level of vulnerability with them. And so I need to feel really emotionally comfortable with somebody. And so I think that the key is to nurture your relationship physically and emotionally, not just physically and not just emotionally. Taking baby steps in both because they help each other out, you know what I'm saying? They go hand in hand. If you can, like, find yourself in a deep talk with this guy, maybe. You guys go on a drive one night and you guys talk about something deep, like maybe something from your past or something. Philosophical that you believe in. I can guarantee that having a deep conversation with this guy. Will make you feel more comfortable. To go and grab their hand because. You've had a vulnerable emotional moment with this person, and you now know them better. And that familiarity is that even word familiarity. Whatever. Will make you feel more comfortable with reaching out and grabbing their hand because. You know them better O. You're not going to have that fear of rejection like, oh, what if they don't want to hold my hand back? Or oh, what if this weirds them out or freaks them out? If you have a deep conversation with this person. Or a long conversation with this person even. It will help you. Feel more comfortable to take those steps and. You have a better gauge as to who they are, so. You'll feel more comfortable. Somebody said how do you know whether you should leave a situation or whether you should try to fix things? I think. The simple answer to this is that. You have to. Look at whether or not the situation is toxic. That's it. That's the only question that you need to ask yourself. Is this toxic or is this not? If it's not toxic, you stay in it. If it is toxic, you leave. But toxic can look a lot of different ways, and sometimes it's a little bit less obvious, you know? Toxic could even mean that you and this other person are codependent and you can't do anything without each other. That's toxic. It's not as obvious as say. You know some form of. Emotional abuse or something like that's a more. You know, easy to it's not easy always, but that's maybe a more extreme version of toxicity. A more severe version that you know requires. More of a quick exit, you know what I'm saying? Like if something's like. Emotionally or physically abusive. That's obviously toxic, and obviously you need to evacuate that situation ASAP. But when you're, say, codependent with somebody, you guys might have a great relationship, but your codependence might be holding you both back from being independent and having your own identity. In life. That's toxic, but it's less obvious because nobody's getting hurt. The negative effects are more long term and they're more of a slow burn, right? So it's a little bit harder to distinguish. So really, look at your situation. Whether it be a relationship? A work environment, a school environment, whatever it may be. Look at it. And really. Weigh the pros and cons. Like really write down the pros and cons, or make a mental list and see if this is actually something that's. Toxic, or if it's just difficult right now, like in friendships, in relationships, at school, at work. There are going to be moments when things are difficult, when things are boring, when things are uncomfortable, when. Things aren't flowing as they should, and that's normal, but it's about. Distinguishing whether or not it's toxic, or if it's just. In a lull. It's not easy, but. Make a list of pros and cons. Look at it. From a bird's eye view is this. Harming me more than it's benefiting me. And. If the answer is yes, then you know. You should probably leave, but if something is like. Just in a dull moment. Or just in a kind of rough patch and you know that the chance of it getting better and going back to normal are high. And in the meantime, it's not destroying you or ruining your life. That's something that's worth fixing. Because in life, sorry, but nothing is all sunshine and roses all the time. So in most things, and with most situations and with most people, there are going to be moments that are kind of difficult and need to be worked through. But it's about determining whether or not it's toxic. So I recently just moved about a month ago and let me tell you it was a nightmare. Moving in general as a nightmare. There were so many things that I needed that I didn't realize that I needed before I moved in, and I felt like the nightmare was never ending. Finally, I'm settled in, but it was a journey. Thank God for Macy's, because Macy's hooked me up with all the different things that I needed. They had the most random things that I didn't even know that I needed. Appliances, cooking utensils, hangers, like everything that you can imagine right now. Macy's has a Black Friday in July event from July 7th to the 12th, and there's a ton on sale. Everything that you need to stock up for summer, from beachwear to lotions to summer BBQ supplies. And if you listen to the show, you know that I love Macy's. Because they really do have everything you could ever need. So I've been filling my car with a ton of stuff, not only for things that I need for after the move, but also a bunch of summer essentials. I loaded up on all the sunscreen on recently. Like. I just didn't have a good sunscreen. Collection. Going into this summer and I was like, no, we need to load up because I want to preserve my skin. I don't not want, I do not want to get wrinkles. When I'm like 25, so I loaded up on the sunscreen. And I also got some new beach towels, which was very exciting. Also, I've recently updated my custom site over at Macy's ammo with a buying guide for you guys with all of my favorite pics. Not only is it full of some great items for home and for summer time, but I also have a ton of really cute summer fashion items on there. There are so many trends I'm obsessed with right now, so I added a bunch of my favorites over at There's some really cute hats from Ralph Lauren on there. I'm obsessed with baseball caps for summer. There are some of those on there, some sunglasses from vogue eyewear. Ray ban some bikinis from Roxie for that kind of 90s summer vibe the whole 9 yards baby. Go check it out and make sure you check out Macy's Black Friday in July sale and look through all my favorite pics for Check it out. Somebody said I've been a dancer ever since I can remember, but I seem to have lost my passion for it because it's so toxic and my ballet teacher is really mean. I want to quit because it causes me so much anxiety, but I don't want to waste all of the years in practice I've put into it. You know what's really interesting is. I think that we hold ourselves back. So much in life. Because we don't want to waste our time. But there's. A completely ironic side to this so. Let's say it's in a relationship, or with a job or with a hobby. We may grow out of it. But instead of. Ending it and moving on to the next thing. A lot of us will stay in it and try to make it work because we feel like. If we move on to the next thing, then we wasted all this time. Nurturing and exploring the old thing. The thing is any experience that you have in life. Teaches you something. It's never a waste of time. Let's say you're in a relationship and it ends. You did not waste time being in that relationship, in that relationship. You learned things you learned. How you behave in a relationship. You learned what you want in your next relationship you learned about. Maybe how to feel more comfortable with being physically affectionate like? You probably learned more things than you even realized from being in that relationship. And even though you guys didn't get married or you know the relationship didn't last forever, it doesn't mean you didn't learn anything. Same thing with like. This specific situation you've been dancing for years. You. Are over it. You don't want to do it anymore. The amount of stuff that you learned from being a dancer your whole life is priceless. And. If you quit tomorrow, that doesn't mean that all of the stuff that you learned is just going straight in the trash can. Absolutely not you. Probably learned about how to be dedicated how to. Manage your time, because being a dancer is very time consuming. You probably learned. About how to be on a team if you were on a dance team. You. May have learned about. Work ethic, because being a dancer again is difficult. You have to have a work ethic like the things that you learned from that are going to. Make you even better in your next. Passion. You know when you go to pursue your next passion or your next. Interest or hobby or whatever it may be. You know the stuff that you learned from being a dancer is going to make you even better at all that stuff, so it's not a waste of time. It served its purpose in your life, and now it's done. It's not serving you anymore now it's holding you back. Let go of it except that. You have gotten everything that you possibly can from it and move forward, and that applies to literally everything in life. Somebody said can you give us tips on how to journal, like give us starters because they get overwhelmed whenever I try to journal and I know it would be good for me to do. Yes. I will give you a few prompts that could be good for journaling. One that I like to do is write about a good thing that happened to me that day and a bad thing that happened to me that day. That's a great one. Another journal prompt that I use a lot is. Writing down all of the things that I want. To happen to me. Either in the near future or in the far future. You could also write down five things that are making you excited and five things that are stressing you out. That's a great journal prompt. Another one is you can write 5 things that you're stressed out about and then five ways that you can fix them. Fix the things that you're stressed about, like how that could solve those problems. I always think it's nice to write down, you know, things that you're grateful for. So writing down just like as many things you're grateful for as possible. A journal prompt I use quite frequently is just. How was your day? And I just write a full recount of my full day and talk about, you know, the different emotions I felt throughout the day, why they made me feel that way, maybe how I'm going to do it differently tomorrow, stuff like that. You can also, obviously, I mean, you can Google Journal prompts, and that's really helpful too, but those are the ones I usually do. And I find that they're really helpful. Somebody said hi Emma, I need your advice on my 15 month long relationship. Recently things have been uninteresting and I found myself getting really bored. I feel so guilty because he's the most amazing guy I've ever met. He has all the qualities the girl could ever ask for. I think I've talked about this before, but something that's so interesting about dating. Is that the thing about dating? And the truth about dating is that? It's not. How do I explain this? It's like. At a certain point in a relationship. The emotions level out. You know, like all of the excitement is kind of gone because you know, you have each other and it's great, but the excitement is gone because. It's comfortable and. You kind of get into a routine and things get comfortable and inevitably they're going to get boring now. I think that. The thing that young people need to remember. Is that? Being in a healthy relationship. Comes with boredom. And it's up to you whether you want to. Be in a relationship in your younger years. And potentially have moments of boredom or if you want to go out onto the dating scene and have exciting two week two-month flings here and there. And have that be your thing, because both of them. You learn something from both of them. Let me tell you, you will. It's about deciding. What works best for your life in the moment? Because let me tell you, if you decided to break up with your boyfriend and go. Kind of. You know, be a free agent and just. I don't know. Float around a little bit. You might have more fun and you might be more entertained, but that will only last for so long, because then at a certain point that you're going to want a deeper connection, you know what I'm saying? And I think that when you're in a healthy relationship. You have to have strength. And you have to push through the boring moments. Because the reward is that you have somebody. By your side. 24/7 that's got your back. You know. Whereas when you're. Maybe in a single phase and you're whatever. That's not the case, and that's totally fine, because there are times in your life when that is more than important. But if you're in a healthy relationship and it's going well, and the only problem is that you're bored. You just need to push through it because it's going to happen, it's just going to happen. You know. A thing that you can do that's fun is. Start spicing up the activities that you guys do together, you know? Start cooking together. Maybe go on little Rd trips together. Sometimes you just need to kind of get out of your rhythm, you know what I mean? You kind of need to like. Get out of your routine. Because I think that in relationships it's so easy to fall into a routine like, ohh, you know, we go to brunch. On the weekends and. Besides that, like we just kind of live at home together and that's it. Like, it's easy to fall into a routine like that. Throw some spontaneity in there, you know, that can really help revive the relationship. But at the end of the day, I think that you just need to come to terms with the fact that sometimes. Your relationship is not going to be the most interesting part of your life, especially when it's healthy, because there's no drama. There's no drama. It's just healthy and it's easy and it's like, whatever, that can get boring, you know? But in a weird way, I think that that's actually a good sign. O anyway. That's all I got for today. Thank you guys for listening to this episode. I hope that you enjoyed. I hope that you got something from it. I really loved hanging out with you today. If you want to participate in the next advice session, the Twitter is at Ag podcast. I also tweet out prompts. So that you guys can ask questions for episodes on there so. Feel free to follow it if you want to participate. Also follow anything goes on any of the platforms that you listen to podcasts. And last but not least, leave anything goes or review if you'd like on Apple Podcasts. It really, really helps me out and I love reading them and. You guys are just the ******* sweetest and I really appreciate all of your reviews and spending time with you. So anyway, I had a lot of fun. I will see you next week. Have an amazing rest of your week. And that's all I got. Love you.