Emma prefers to share her thoughts with a microphone rather than a physical human being, so thank god she has a podcast. Recorded from the comfort of her bed, Emma talks at length about whatever is on her mind every week. Anything really does go on this podcast. Sometimes philosophy, sometimes a random story from 10 years ago, sometimes advice, and sometimes nothing at all. You never know what you are going to get, but that’s what keeps it interesting. New episodes every Thursday.
Thu, 03 Jun 2021 10:00
Answering more of your advice questions! Topics like figuring out if you should try to fix or just leave a toxic friendship, how to gain confidence with your personality and “attractiveness” regardless of what others may think ,if now is the time to focus on your career or relationships, ways to accept constructive criticism to improve parts of our lives, and many more! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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I know I sound tired right now. It's because I am. I just moved for the past like week. And I've been unpacking for a week. I'm still not fully unpacked. I forgot how terrible moving is. It is the worst. Thing on the entire planet. What's crazy about moving is that. Like? I always anticipate it to be stressful for sure, but it's always 50 times worse than I ever expect and I have not been as stressed out. As I am right now. In probably over a year. Like? I can't find anything that I need. There's clothes and **** everywhere, all over my new place. I'm stressed out, but then I started thinking about it and I was like. Emma. Everything's fine. Like your family's fine. Your friends are fine. Your cats are fine. Everybody's happy and healthy. Stop. Freaking out. Over. Moving, you know what I'm saying? Like, there's so many. Worse things that you could be worried about, but you're lucky that you don't have to worry about those things. You're just worried about moving, and moving is so not that big of a deal, but for whatever reason, it kicked my ***. Let me tell you, it kicked my ***. I was extremely mentally unstable for the past like week and 1/2. Before moving and after moving. And that is why I missed an episode last week, because I literally have never been so stressed out, but I kept beating myself up over it because I was like, ah, but there's you know. Worse things going on in this world that I should be worried about. Not the fact that I'm moving in, that my **** is everywhere and that I can't find anything in that I'm exhausted because unpacking stuff takes forever and is exhausting. Whatever, like. There's much deeper, larger problems in this world to worry about. But then I realize I'm like, listen. It's not fair to yourself to. Invalidate your own stress, or your own worry or your own pain. Like even everybody always is going to have a larger stress or a larger pain. You know what I mean? In this world, you're never. Going to be the person in the world with the most stress or the most pain. It's all relative to you and to your life and to your situation and feeling those feelings. Regardless of how big or small. Are still, they're valid. And so I've been trying to teach myself that the last few days because I'm like. Angry at myself for being stressed out about something so stupid, but my God, have I been stressed out anyway. You don't want to hear about me being stressed out, but anyway, that kind of explains the reason why my. Voice sounds like this. I am so tired. I also really have more clothes than I thought, and trying to figure out where to put them is literally ruining me, but anyway. And of all that, what are we doing today? Today we are doing an advice session. Advice sessions are where you guys tweet at me at AG podcast. Situations that you want me to give you advice on and then. I give you advice. Even though like. I might be a little bit too emotionally unstable to give advice right now. But I'm going to do my best because I think this could be good for both of us. So. If you want to participate in the next advice session, the Twitter is at Ag podcast. And let's get into it. Somebody said. I'm friends with two people. They end up getting together and they've been dating till this day for 9 years. It came out that the boy in the relationship cheated. And it was talked about and discussed, and they eventually decided to stay together. But the girl in the relationship doesn't know the whole story. At the time when this came out, the guy. Told the girl that it was just a one time thing so she gave him another chance, but he also had a four year affair. Oh **** that's bad, OK. Also, I recently just found out that the guy has cheated on her again with somebody else. Do I tell the girl in the relationship about this or throw the guy in the relationship under the bus? Or do I keep quiet? In the past I think I would have said stay in your own lane, mind your own business, don't get involved, but. Here's the way I look at this. If you stay out of it, then you know you have no involvement. That's great. You get to. Stay out of it and mind your own business. That's nice and I. Do think that there are moments when taking that route is good, but in this specific. Situation there's clear right and wrong going on. It's clearly wrong that the guy in this relationship is serial cheating on his girlfriend and his girlfriend doesn't know about it. That's clearly wrong. There's nothing OK about that, right? So that's when I feel like there's the green light to kind of throw this, do it under the bus, because to be honest, he deserves it. Imagine if. Roles were reversed, OK? And you were dating a guy and he was cheating on you left and right? And one of your good friends knew about it and didn't tell you. You would feel completely ******* blindsided. Are you kidding me? Like, I would be so upset about that. I think you need to tell her. And honestly, if you maybe ruin your relationship with that dude for a little bit, who cares? This poor girl is being cheated on left and right. She deserves to know. End of story. I think that cheaters deserve no mercy. That is my opinion. But I just think, like if you're cheating, then you just shouldn't be in a relationship. Just be single. It's easy. Tell her. You need to tell her. Somebody said so. I'm 19 and I've been single for a while. I feel pretty lonely a lot of the time, but I just started a new job and I've been working 50 to 60 hour weeks. Should I download a dating app and pursue a relationship or should I continue to give my job my full attention? I should mention that it's a great job and I plan on staying and moving up in it. I'd really appreciate your input. You know, I think one of the mistakes I made when I was younger and I first started working was that. I tried to date at the same time. Seriously, a big mistake. I started working at around 16. And at around 17, I started dating people for like the first time. I didn't really date before that. And let me tell you, you know? I wasted a lot of valuable time. A lot of valuable time. Because. These relationships just ended up ending. They ended up being bad for my mental health anyway. None of them were actually good. I mean no relationship I had. Before the age of. 18 1/2 I would say. Were. At all useful for me. We ended up just breaking up and it just ended up causing more harm than good. Do I regret? Having relationships at those ages know but. If I could go back, I I probably wouldn't be in a relationship during the beginning of my career. Because I. Was. Extremely less productive. When I was in these relationships. And. The relationships were not necessarily the healthiest, so I was putting all of my energy into the relationship rather than. You know, into my career or into my own self, which is so important as well during your teen years. I would say this is what you do. Focus on your career, because that's going to last you a lot longer than. A teenage relationship, most likely. OK. I would say focus on the thing that is going to help you accomplish, accomplish your long term goals. You know what I'm saying? Dating somebody right now. Is probably gonna end like you're not gonna probably marry the person that you meet. Right now it's possible, don't get me wrong, but probably not whereas you putting time and effort into this job. Could, you know, secure you an amazing position at this company down the line. And you have your whole life to date. You have your whole life to find somebody that you're going to start a family with, Mary, whatever it may be, you have your whole life to do that. So I would say. Don't. Put any effort into trying to find somebody to date, but instead just be open minded to it. You know what I mean? If something comes your way, don't say no. I need to focus on my career. I'm not even going to pursue this. If something comes up naturally, absolutely pursue it, but don't pursue it yourself. Don't start that process yourself. Don't be the one who messages on the dating app. Don't even make an account on a dating app in the first place. Let the universe bring it to you if it may, but in the meantime, focus on yourself and focus on your career. Because. Young relationships really get in the way of productivity in in my opinion and in my experience, and it's really unnecessary because you have your whole life to date. Once you're more settled in your job, then you can go crazy. Make the dating apps. Do the whole 9 yards because. You've already settled yourself in your career, so you have more time and brain space to like, branch out and. Do other things in your life, you know. But also, if some person walks into the office one day while you're working and they're the most beautiful person you've ever seen and you want to marry them, then yeah. Moral of the story is there's no need to rush into anything because you have so much time. You know an interesting side note from that. Is that growing up people always told me they were like. Don't date when you're young. There's no reason to date when you're young. It causes so much more harm than good, and I was always like, I don't think that that's true. You need to have experience in your younger years so that when you grow up. You know, you're not just this, like, completely inexperienced. Baby, when it comes to dating, and to a certain extent, I I think that having dating experience is helpful. You know, when you get older and it's time to start looking for like a life partner, you know, I think it can be kind of helpful. But I actually think that all the adults in my life were right, and actually dating young caused more harm than good. Because here's what dating Young did for me. It gave me trust issues. It ****** with myself. Esteem made me have terrible self-esteem for years. It made me. Not put 100% into my career. Because I was so. Consumed by the relationship. Or the lack thereof. That I could not focus on my career as well as I probably should have. And it caused hate in my heart, you know, at the end of the day. And all of that, I feel like I can't. I could have gone without that, you know what I mean? So to anybody who's out there, who is young and who's like. Oh my God, I need to have my first boyfriend. I need to have my first girlfriend. I need to have my first relationship. I thought that too, and I ended up getting very hurt in the process, and more harm came from it than good. And now that I'm a little bit older and I can have healthy relationships and I know what a healthy relationship looks like, not even based on experience as much as just based on. Maturity. Now that I can have a healthy relationship. Successfully and create balance in one. I realized that I could have done that with or without my past relationships that caused me so much ******* hurt and pain like I could have had. Absolutely fine relationships. In my later teens and 20s without. The pain that was caused in my first. Few relationships? I don't know. I just I don't think that there's any rush and there's no way to know that until you experience it. But just trust me, there isn't as much of a timer on. Getting into relationships as you think. If you don't date in high school, there's nothing wrong with you. You're actually probably saving yourself from a lot of. Trauma. Trust me. My dad always says that. Teenagers dating is like. Babies playing in the knife drawer. You're bound to get hurt. Somebody is bound to get hurt. It's almost inevitable, and I think that's very true. And that's why I say focus on your career, focus on school, focus on developing yourself, focus on creating really good friendships. The relationship stuff will come with time and. Honestly, the later you start the better. Obviously you know you don't want to start when you're 50. I mean, you could **** it, but. I'm talking about, you know. Maybe if you're in high school or college. There's no rush. Everybody don't stress yourself out over something that will work itself out eventually. OK, so I've told you guys about circle before, right? Spelled CIRKUL. Circle was created for people like me, OK, who don't drink enough water every day circles basically this water bottle with over 40 flavor cartridges that makes drinking water way more tasty. The flavors cover all the bases. They have fruit, punches, iced teas. 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That's drink Cir UL com Emma to get this limited time offer. Today again, that's drinkcircle.com/emma. Somebody said the situation is kind of general, but I feel like I always do more. For my friends, then what my friends would do for me, I go above and beyond and I don't know how to stop that. I do things that friends wouldn't do for me. Friends were in quotes, by the way. Advice? Growing up, I felt the same way I. Well, you know what? I'll give you an example. In middle school and high school, we would always decorate each other's lockers at school for birthdays and everybody would show up at like 6:30 in the morning. School started at like 8 and we'd all decorate lockers for birthdays. We'd put, you know, treats in their locker, we'd wrap their whole locker and wrapping paper, like make them cute little signs, the whole 9 yards. And it was actually really fun in retrospect, but. I remember. One year. It was my birthday and I had spent the whole year decorating all my friends lockers and my birthday was right before summer break because my birthday is in late May, May 22nd. And so I'm pretty much the last friend in the friend group to get my locker decorated because, well, my birthday is at the end of the school year. And I remember it was my birthday in high school, and I actually this happened to me in middle school and in high school, but more memorably in high school. I show up to school and I'm so stoked because it's my birthday and I was like, Oh my God, I've been decorating all my friends lockers like I hope my locker is decorated. And show up to school, and I look at my locker and it's empty. And I remember that feeling like when I'm in, I was in the hallway. And I can see my locker from. Across the you know. The hallway and I was like, Oh my God, they didn't decorate my locker immediately. The pit in my stomach, I felt. Was like bigger than anything I've ever felt before. And I was devastated, like heartbroken. And I remember that day at lunchtime I went into the. Gymnasium. With a friend that was not in my friend group, but we were like friends in class, if that makes sense. Like we didn't hang out really much outside of school, but we always hung out like in our classes together, you know, friends like that where it's like they're kind of the best friendships, really, where it's like. There's no pressure because you guys don't hang out outside of school or work or whatever. You just hang out in the place of work. It's kind of amazing because there's just no pressure, but whatever. I remember I. Went to the gym with her and I told her I was like none of my friends decorated my locker. I couldn't believe it. And she was like, Emma, you know? I'm so sorry. And I started ******* crying. I was a high schooler and I started crying. Because I was like. When is this going to end? Like? It was one of those moments where I realized my whole life I've been doing such nice things, going above and beyond for all of my friends, and this is how I'm. Treated and this is how I'm like. This is what I get in return. It seems so unfair to me at the time, but what I realized was is that I just wasn't choosing the right friends. It was obvious and. From that point on, I made the decision that. I wasn't going to go above and beyond for my friends anymore. I was going to. Redirect that energy in other directions. I was going to redirect that energy into myself. Into growing my relationship with myself, I was going to redirect that energy towards trying to make new friendships, trying to pursue. Possibly new friendships. While still keeping, you know, a friendship with these old friends, but just understanding. OK, I know now that I'm not going to get. The same energy back from these people, I know that. So I'm just going to step back a little bit and. Not put as much effort in and. That helped a lot because then I was rarely disappointed by them because I. I wasn't putting any effort in either, so it was it became a lot more chill. And in retrospect, that whole friend group was very toxic in high school, you know? I mean, there were great memories, but we were all young and. You know, figuring things out. And so we were definitely kind of toxic with one another and. So I'm not surprised that what happened happened. You know what I'm saying? But. I think it was really good for me to step back and kind of focus on myself and focusing on pursuing other potential friendships. That could. Fulfill me so much more because. The thing is, you're going to go through a lot of friends in your life and you're gonna make a lot of friends. You're gonna lose a lot of friends. It takes a really long time to find people in this world that actually match your energy and that, like, put the same effort in as you do. It's possible, but it and it will happen. But you just have to be patient. And in the meantime? You pursue new friendships and you focus on yourself. Somebody said. I have this friend who is nice when she wants to be, but we've gotten into beef in the past about her being a toxic friend and we didn't talk for a while. She said that she's changed and now she's back in my life and we've been hanging out a lot lately. However, she's starting to be rude again. She calls me rude names, she talks **** she tells me how I should live my life, etcetera. Do I dress the comments that she makes? Ignore them. And hope that she'll stop eventually? Or should I stop being friends with her altogether? Any advice would be great. I had a very similar situation in middle school and high school where I had this friend on and off for probably 6-7 years. And it was the exact same thing. We'd be good for like a few months, maybe a year, and then she would start to get really toxic. Same thing, just super controlling, really kind of judgmental and mean. Just not a not a fun person. To be around would kind of insult me and say things that were hurtful to me. And so we'd have a falling out. And we wouldn't talk for a few months, even a year sometimes. And then we'd become friends again in this process and cycle continued for years, years, OK. And. What I think is to be learned from my experience is that. You can't expect somebody to change, OK? If she is the way she is, then she is the way that she is. Most likely that's not going to change. I think that people grow and evolve, but I think that it takes a long time, and I think that sometimes it takes losing a friendship even to learn something about yourself, and I think she clearly needs to do that. So my recommendation would be. End this cycle now because it's toxic and it's going to continue. It will happen again, and it will continue to happen again. The only way that I think that you guys could be friends in a way that's healthy. Is if you guys take like a solid three years apart. You guys both grow a lot, evolve a lot, learn a lot about yourselves. Maybe even five years. I'm not kidding. Like, that long. That's how long it takes for somebody to really evolve. OK? Then maybe you guys can try to be friends again, but for right now. I can almost assure you that this will just continue this toxic and then fun and then toxic and then fun cycle we'll just continue for. Ever. Unless you end it. You have to prove a point to her. You have to prove a point to her that she can't treat people like this. You know. Because right now, you're still friends with her even though she's toxic, right? So how is she supposed to learn? You know, because. She's not being punished for her behavior, if you will. If you end this friendship, she's going to learn a lot from it and you are going to be relieved from a toxic relationship. It's a win win. It's not going to be easy, it's definitely going to be uncomfortable, but it's going to be worth it. Somebody said I've always hated my name, and when I was in high school my friend called me a nickname that I really liked. But when I would tell people I liked being called that they would make fun of me, and now I'm 20, I feel like I'd get made fun of even more if I changed my socials to that name, etcetera. Any advice? You know what? I've learned about all this OK. If there is something that you want to do. That harms nobody and benefits you. You do it. Be a little bit selfish here for a second. Think only about yourself for a second. What's gonna make you the most happy? Is it changing your name? If that's the case, then do it and guess what? People always have something to say about everything, OK? There's always going to be somebody judging you for something. There's always going to be somebody hating on you for something. If you do something for yourself that affects absolutely nobody else. Technically, nobody really has the right to say anything about it, in my opinion. This has only to. This only has to do with you. It's your name. It's your life also. I feel like I'm in, I'm 20 as well, and I'm in my and I'm, you know, friends with people who are in their 20s and whatever. I feel like people who are 20 and above especially. Don't. Give a **** about what other like I like. If one of my friends decided to change their name tomorrow, I would be like, OK, cool, I don't care. Like you know, I don't care. It has nothing to do with me. I feel like young people like teens, you know, maybe in high school, whatever. Kids are more ruthless. They are a lot less. Down to earth, maybe in kind, I would say, because being a teenager is hard, OK? You're trying to figure out your identity and. You're lost and you're kind of restless feeling and. You're probably an ******* sometimes. That's what being a teenager is, OK? There's like this level of attitude and like. You know rebelliousness that comes out of you during that time, and so you're more likely to judge what other people are doing and say mean things about what other people are doing because you just have no sense of self and it's just part of being a teen like. When you're a teenager. Or you. I don't know how to explain it, but. You're just a lot more concerned about what other people are doing, and you haven't learned how. Toxic, that is. You know what I mean? You're still learning about. What you should put your energy towards and what you shouldn't. OK, but when you start to get into your 20s, I feel like that's when people stop caring. You know what I mean? They're like, you know what? We're adults now. Who cares? I'm going to mind my own business. There it is. And maybe that's not true for everybody, but I would say in my experience that is. But either way, it doesn't matter. It doesn't actually matter. Because this is something that you're doing for you and you need to put yourself first. I would say change your name. If people have **** to say about it, who cares? They'll get over it in a week. People are way more concerned with themselves. OK, so if you want to change your name, they might have some snarky comment to say about it in the moment, but I can guarantee they'll get over it. But even. I almost doubt people are even gonna have anything to say. I really, really highly doubt that. Like, I would be really shocked because it's such an innocent thing to do. Change your name. It's so innocent. You know. I say you do it. Clothes are one of the many ways that we express ourselves and we're constantly switching up our wardrobes. To reflect our interests and styles. But one thing that is a little bit more difficult to switch up is our glasses. Until now, because now with pair eyewear. You can have a different frame every day, OK? With pair eyewear, you start with a chic pair of glasses, right? That look great just by themselves, but they have a special secret. Which is that they have at little. Magnet inside so you can snap on. A cool frame on top of your existing glasses. I got the crystal clear Reese base frame which is just a really chic pair of all clear glasses. The frame is clear obviously the lenses are clear and I got a tortoise frame and a Plaid frame so I can now it. Basically I have 3 pairs of reading glasses now. There are so many options, iconic base shapes and then all sort of frames to go on top retro classic neon sparkle. You'll definitely find your vibe I also love. Buying from a brand that really, really cares and pair provides glasses to a child in need for every pair that you buy. Get glasses as ever, changing as you are with pear. Go to pair eyewear com Emma for 15% off your first purchase. That's 15% off at PAIR eyewear.com/emma. Somebody said I'm currently 16 and I blame my features for not getting any male attention because I think that I'm not attractive enough. I totally understand this because when I was in high school I was somebody who went through puberty late. I always looked really young, I. Had very immature features. I had no ***** no, but like, whatever, yeah. But here's the thing about attraction. Attraction to other people is so much more about what's on the inside than what's on the outside. I would argue it's. 90% was on the inside, 10% was on the outside because I would be lying if I said that like. Appearance had absolutely nothing to do with the traction. That's not true. That's biologically. False. Like you could look into the biology of that. I'm pretty sure there's like a reason why. Human beings find other other human beings physically attractive. It's a biological thing. It's the way that we were created. It's necessary for reproduction. But. The thing that I've learned is that attractiveness is flexible. It's not set in stone. OK for example. Let's say you meet somebody and upon meeting them, they don't necessarily strike you as attractive, right? You're not immediately like, oh, they're so hot. OK, you have a really good conversation with this person and 30 minutes in, all of a sudden you start to think that they're attractive. You're like, wait, I actually really like this person. Has that ever happened to you? Because it's happened to me hundreds of Times Now. Let me tell you, that is because. Attractiveness is not just one thing, it's very abstract and it can evolve. As you get to know somebody you know. Another example would be, have you ever met somebody who's really hot? Like, just like stereotypically hot, and you were like, ooh, they're so hot. Then you have a conversation with them and you're like, you like, they suck ***. Like, I don't care that they're hot anymore. Now they're ugly to me. That has happened to me thousands of times, actually. Thousands. And that just proves like. Yeah, sure, like physical attractiveness plays a part in dating and stuff like that for sure, but. It all really comes down to your personal connection with the person and. Whether or not they're a good person and whether or not they have a charming personality to you. And all of this is very personal. You know, one person might think that somebody is the funniest, most beautiful person in the world. The next person might think that they're not really that great looking and not really that funny. That's the beautiful thing about being a human being is that we all are so different in what we have to offer and we all find. Beautiful things. Differently in other people. That's a very awesome thing, you know? Now to tie it back to your question. Or your situation here. You are 16. When I was 16, absolutely no guys were giving me any attention. And the reason for that was because I didn't show them my personality at all, so they were basically all they had to judge me on was my outward appearance. And that's not enough. You know what I mean? At 16 years old or at 30, you know, you need more and so. The thing is. You are absolutely beautiful on the inside and out. No matter if you're getting attention from males or not, trust me, OK? Most of the time, guys at 16. Aren't really necessarily. Thinking so deeply about what they're looking for in a girl you know. I don't think they're developed enough at that point to even know what the **** they're doing in the dating space. So basically everything that they can, everything that they do, should not be taken personally, OK? The worst thing that you can do for yourself is convince yourself that this is something that's your fault, or it's because. You're not attractive enough or whatever. That's the worst thing you can do because it's so incredibly not true putting weight on the opinion of 16 year old boys. We'll get you nowhere. Trust me. Try to find. That appreciation for yourself, from yourself, from within yourself. I'm still working on that because I've always been somebody that. Really needed male validation to feel attractive always, and it's because I've always been very insecure. Of my attractiveness to guys since I was younger because I put all this weight on the opinions of other high school boys when I was in high school and all of them would make fun of me for having no ***** and then go and, you know, make out with my friend. OK? So like that. Really ****** me up, right? And. You just can't put weight on these guys opinions. They're dumb. Trust me, everybody's still so young and does not know what's best for them. So don't put so much weight on anything that anybody does when you're in high school. Your friends, your potential partners. People that you're attracted to don't put any weight on their opinions because everybody's a loose cannon in high school. OK. Finding confidence within yourself will not only solve this problem, or at least. Make it easier. But it'll also benefit you long term. It's an incredibly good tool to have, and I wish I would have done it when I was in high school. I wish I would have stopped paying attention to what the boys of my grade thought about me. Because guess what? It just didn't end up mattering. And I yeah, I didn't date in high school, but I'm glad I didn't. The later that you start, the better. I'm glad I started a little later. Somebody said why are high school girls always so problematic? You know, I think it's just simply because. It's such a transformative part of your Life OK? Being in high school is like this transition between childhood and adulthood, and there's a lot of turmoil that goes on. Whether it's with dating for the first time, whether it's with, you know, experimenting with partying for the first time, like it's such a transformative time of life. And there are so many hormones rushing through your body. There are it's chaos. Being a high schooler is chaos. You know, a lot of times in high school. People start butting heads with their family because they're going through a slightly rebellious phase. There's so many reasons why. Being a high school student is turbulent. OK, I think a big part of this crazy transition between childhood and adulthood is that girls especially have noticed start to get really competitive with one another. You know? And it might be a hormonal thing. I don't know how it works. I that could be totally not true, but I just noticed that a lot of high school girls are very competitive with one another. And it's because they're trying to find their identity. When I was in high school, I had absolutely no identity. I was trying to figure it out right, and so. That comes with a lot of insecurity, trying to figure out who you are, and high school girls are in that ****. And I think it can make them competitive with one another and catty with one another, because it's a combination of jealousy and. Wanting to be the most popular girl and wanting to be well liked and trying to figure out who they are, it's messy. And so I just think that that's simply why high school girls can be so problematic is because they're going through this extreme transition and there's so much going on and a lot of it can take a huge toll on your self esteem. And then it just makes girls competitive and weird. But I can promise that a lot of girls grow out of it. I know I've grown out of it. It's so nice. Like. Occasionally I'll meet, you know, girls. That are competitive and, you know, weird and still kind of have that. Maybe more immature mentality, but for the most part I feel like girls kind of grow out of it and it's just like. You know, girls start to find their own place in the world and. Find their own identity and find peace in that, and then they kind of start to mind their own business and just want to have fun. Somebody said hi Emma. Any tips on focusing on needs instead of wants? Like when I need to buy shirt and I really want to buy a book, I tend to buy what I want instead of what I need and I can't help myself. Here's my simple solution for this. Give yourself a plan. Give yourself a strategy, give yourself some guidelines. Set something up. I'll give you an example strategy here. OK, you say. Every month. I'm going to buy myself as many needs as I need right? Food. Something for work, something for school, whatever. Rent. Whatever it may be. I'm going to let myself have freedom with my needs. I can buy anything that I need at anytime, but. For wants, I'm only going to allow myself to buy two things that I want. Per month. The reason why this is so great is because you're going to be a little bit more strategic about what wants you want to buy because in the back of your head, you know, OK, I can only buy two things that I want this month. So let's say you are at. A clothing store and you see. A really cute shirt. You're more likely to weigh the pros and cons when you have a strategy laid out for yourself because. If you're just going on a case by case basis and you're like, I want this so bad. But you don't have any guidelines for yourself set up. Then you're just gonna buy it, and then you're gonna **** yourself over later in the month when you need. To buy groceries and you're like, **** I'm kind of like in an uncomfortable spot now because I bought that shirt. Whereas if you're like, OK, I'm only allowing myself two wants this month, then you're going to look at that shirt and you're gonna be like, you know what? I'm actually going to save this. Want? For later in the month, because I know that later in the month I'm going to go out to dinner with my friends for my friend's birthday and I'm going to be paying, so I'm actually going to not buy this shirt and save this money for later. And so you you it forces you to be a little bit more strategic with your spending. And then there you go. Problem solved. And it also becomes a little bit more fun that way. I think you end up appreciating the wants that you end up purchasing more because you put more thought into them and that's good. Somebody said I've been burnt out of life for the longest time and although I talked to my friends and family a lot, I still feel this numbness that I can't explain. You know, I have been feeling the exact same way and I don't have advice for this because I have not figured it out. I am in the exact same boat I have been. Struggling with this a lot. I. Have felt so numb for like months and you know. It's hard because I found I don't even really look forward to things anymore like. I. Have a really hard time. Getting excited about really anything anymore. Like even a vacation. Like I'm going on vacation today. I'm actually going on a trip today with all my friends, and we haven't done this in forever. And don't get me wrong, I'm excited, but. I don't feel this like overwhelming sense of joy like I normally would, and I feel guilty about it. I am excited, don't get me wrong, but I also feel the sense of, like, numbness. I'm like, oh, but I just. I weirdly don't care about anything anymore. It's so bizarre and I think that what it is for all of us is. I think that this is just a natural response to our current situation. I think a lot of people are feeling very numb and very weird because we just had such a traumatic. Year and we've all. Been stuck at home? Having virtually no fun. Being stripped of all enjoyable things in life. We were stripped of everything. I mean, at certain points we couldn't even go to the grocery store. We couldn't see our family, we couldn't see our friends. Like we were stripped of everything that made us human for over a year, OK? Of course we feel ******* weird. I don't think any of us anticipated the mental health effects that this would have had, but. I don't think that people are talking about it enough. I mean, I'm. I can speak for myself, you know? I feel. Weird. Like weird this. I mean, in in. My friends feel weird. And you know what? You know, people had it even harder, way harder than I did. I can't even imagine, however. You know, like. This is ****** **. So many people on so many different levels. Don't be hard on yourself for feeling weird and feeling numb. I think it's going to go away. I think it's gonna pass. But we just went through something very traumatic, and we're kind of on the other side of it. But like, I think we all kind of have trust issues in a sense, too. We're like, OK, yeah, things are kind of getting back to normal. But, like, we don't trust it because we're like, for how long, you know? Go easy on yourself, because we're all feeling this way. OK, so if I were to host a live radio show and I could play any music I wanted. I would honestly probably have the time of my Life OK, but I'll admit I would probably end up playing. Just sad music. I don't know what it is about me, but I love sad music, OK? And so I'd probably end up playing. A lot of sad music. Specifically for the people who are listening in the car by themselves. That want to shed a tear in a good way? Well now there is a place that I or you or anyone can host a live show. Amp is the platform that allows people to come together and create live, unfiltered radio shows with whatever music or content that they love. And this is like a real show where you can have people listening live and you can pick exactly which songs to play, and you can even have fans calling in to chat while you're on air. If I had a live show, I would definitely. Have people call in and ask me for dating advice honestly, so I think I'd have to do dating advice. You know what this actually sounds like? The perfect radio show. Sad music combined with dating advice. Because all of the shows on AMP are run by real people, you can tell that the playlists are authentic. A playlist generated automatically just sounds different than one that an individual is controlling based on their passions and tastes. And with 10s of millions of licensed songs to choose from, everyone will find the music that appeals to them. But it's not just music. You can have a talk show. Or react to news, or riff on pop culture. And that's one of the best parts about being a podcast host. You can just riff. On whatever. Excites your mind on any given day. 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With big goals and even bigger ceilings to breakthrough, they'll need to bust their ***** to chase their dreams. It's time to hustle freeforms the come up new episodes Wednesdays on Hulu. Somebody said some of my friends tell me drama slash T that associates with my other friends, and it's kind of awkward because I'm in between them, if that makes sense. They rant to me and I'm not sure how to respond because I don't want to take sides. What should I do? But what I do in these situations is I I remain as neutral as possible. I will give you a simple rule. Don't add. Just listen. You see what I'm saying? Don't add to the conversation. Don't add in your own opinion. Don't. Add anything. Just listen. Just simply listen. You know what I'm saying? That way you know you stay out of it, but you're also, you know, listening and letting your friend vent. The problem is, is when you start to get involved, you know what I mean? You start adding to the gossip. You start saying, Oh my God, yeah, but have you heard about when she did this? That's when you're going to start feeling like **** and you're really going to start getting in the weeds of the drama. If you just stay neutral and unbiased and you just listen, you can't get hurt. And if it ever gets back to your friend, one of your other friends that's being talked **** about, you can be like, listen. I just sat there and listened to it, like I didn't get involved. Whatever. You can proudly say that you did not get involved in the conversation. Obviously, you could always stick up for your for your friends. Don't get me wrong, you could. But I know that that's not easy and I don't even do that. So I mean sometimes, but like most of the time, I don't. Most of the time I just stay neutral. I let people gossip. I have an open ear. And I. Am just. A listener, you know. Somebody said how do you deal with accepting constructive criticism without taking it personally? I always get so sensitive about being criticized, even when people's intentions are good and harmless. I totally used to be like this too, and what I started doing was. I started almost training myself to respond in the way that I wanted to respond. I'll give an example. So my dad. Always corrects my grammar. Always. And when I was younger I used to get so ****** because. It would just was just a slap to my ego when he would when he would try to fix my grammar and it made me feel. Embarrassed, almost. Because even though it was helpful and constructive, it was a blow to my ego. But as I got older, I started to realize, OK actually my dad giving me these grammar. Corrections are actually it's actually helpful. And I actually appreciate it and. So I started kind of. Training myself to respond in the way that I wanted to respond like. Instead of getting an attitude when he would correct my grammar, I would literally actively force myself to be like, oh, thank you, I appreciate it. Even though that was kind of unnatural, because my gut reaction was to be like. Stop. Like I'm trying to tell a story. Like I don't wanna hear a grammar correction right now. Stop. Leave me alone. Like that used to be my reaction, but I trained myself to be like thank you, I appreciate it. And then to move on. Even if I'd feel that little burning in my chest of a of a blow to my ego, I would just respond short, polite and sweet and move on. And eventually. I trained myself to respond to constructive criticism like that permanently. Sometimes with social situations you have to train yourself. How to act? In the best way possible, it's. It's weird because it sounds unnatural and kind of wrong, but. Sometimes you have to act. Do you know what I'm saying? Like sometimes you have to. Train yourself and there might be a period of time where it means that you're being, in a sense kind of fake or artificial, but eventually you will evolve into. Behaving naturally the way that you are training to, if that makes sense. Somebody said do you have any advice on being comfortable in a healthy relationship after being in very emotionally abusive relationships in the past? I'm having a hard time believing that it's real and just allowing myself to be happy without worrying about what might happen. You know. I think that. Unfortunately. The only. Advice I have for this is to be patient. Because I know that I. Have trust issues. And. They're bad. Like, pretty bad. I mean, like. Uh, they're they're very overwhelming and. I think. The best thing you can do is be patient with yourself. And let time and let life experience prove you wrong, because it will if you're in a healthy relationship. Time will show you. That it's possible, you know what I mean? Because it's like. A year into a healthy relationship, you're going to be like, damn, I just did that for a whole year. No cheating, no lying, no emotional abuse. It's possible I just did it for a year. Then two years will go by and you're like, Oh my God. It's still possible. Like, we've been doing it for this long, you know? It's like the only way you can. Realize it is to experience it sometimes, and I mean. I wish I knew a way to just turn it off, but I don't know if that's possible. I think you have to relearn, and I think that the best way to relearn is to be a new healthy relationship and to let the universe prove to you that it is possible. The more time that goes by that you're in a healthy relationship. The more you're going to realize that. It is beyond possible. Somebody said how do I convince myself that I'm enough and not everything has to be perfect in life? You know what? I have to remind myself every few weeks I have to have a moment where I sit down and I stare at a blank wall and I remind myself. OK. Nothing is that serious. You live one life. As far as we know. We are little tiny specks on the planet. We all have our own. Individual experience and individual. Outlook on life, like there's so many people in this world and everybody has a different experience. And. At the end of the day, like. Most of the things that we are so concerned about won't matter. I think about being on my deathbed. Kind of a lot, actually. And I think about what's going to matter in that moment, like what's going to matter in that moment? Is it going to be? Getting an A on my next math test. Is it going to be? Buying myself. This nice thing, is it gonna be whatever? No. At the end of the day, the only thing that really matters. Is. Making life as pleasant as possible, like. That is. That should be the goal is just to make life as enjoyable as possible, because life is not easy. And sweating about the small stuff does not make life more enjoyable. It makes life a lot worse and at the end of the day and when you're on your deathbed, you're not going to care about. Your math test. You're not going to care. About. The small ****. The small **** doesn't matter. You have to look at the bigger picture. I have to take a step back and look at the bigger picture sometimes. And I think that if you take maybe a few minutes every few days to do that, it really helps. Because I feel like as humans we get so wrapped up in the, in the tiny details of life, you know, we get so wrapped up in the day-to-day that we forget the bigger picture. The bigger picture is that. None of this really actually matters. You know, like. The best thing that you can do is. Have a life that was enjoyable and fulfilling and that you're proud of and. That has nothing to do with these small little day-to-day. Stresses. You know what I mean? Like it's a bigger picture. Remind yourself as much as you can that it's a bigger picture. Anyway. That's all I have for today. I hope you enjoyed. I enjoyed spending the morning with you. I don't know what time it is when you're listening to this, but. I'm recording this in bed. I literally woke up and pressed record like that is what we did this morning. It was very fun, but sorry if I sounded tired. I'm just in a very chill. Not chill, that's definitely not the right word to use for it. I'm very tired and kind of just. Going with the flow at this point, I'm definitely a little bit stressed out. But again. It was actually helpful for me to just talk about. The whole you know. Bigger picture concept because. That just put into perspective. How pointless it is that I'm stressing out about moving. You know, I mean, it's a valid, it's a valid stress and I, you know, am not being hard on myself or stressing about it, but I'm going to allow myself to release that stress because there's a bigger picture going on and it's fine and everything's going to be fine. And life's too short to stress about the ******* small stuff, OK? Anyway. I loved hanging out with you guys today and. If you enjoyed today's episode. Give us a little five stars on Apple Podcasts. I really appreciate your guys's reviews, and I read them and they make me feel very warm and fuzzy. If you want to follow us on Twitter, the Twitter's at AG podcasts. You can subscribe to anything goes on any place, any platform, any place or platform that you listen to podcasts. And. I love you all very much and appreciate you all very much and. I mean, I guess I'll see you next week. Bye guys. Love you all.