Anything Goes with Emma Chamberlain

Emma prefers to share her thoughts with a microphone rather than a physical human being, so thank god she has a podcast. Recorded from the comfort of her bed, Emma talks at length about whatever is on her mind every week. Anything really does go on this podcast. Sometimes philosophy, sometimes a random story from 10 years ago, sometimes advice, and sometimes nothing at all. You never know what you are going to get, but that’s what keeps it interesting. New episodes every Thursday.

advice session #10

advice session #10

Thu, 22 Apr 2021 10:00

Emma is back giving advice on more of your questions! Advice on following passions how to know what career path to take, making new friends and also recognizing when to move away from friendships that aren’t working, when to know that it’s time to get into a relationship, and how do we act during those awkward moments when someone is crying. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: Learn more about your ad choices. Visit

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Carvana has purchased over a million cars from Happy customers by giving them an offer within minutes, and they can do the same for you. Carvana will give you a real offer for your car within minutes. Then they'll come to pick up your car and pay you on the spot. So to get a real offer on your vehicle in minutes, download the app or visit Hi everybody, welcome back to anything goes. I'm Emma Chamberlain, your host. I hope you're having an amazing week. I have such bad allergies right now that my ears are clogged. And I can't hear my voice. And my throat is really dry and I can't breathe out of my nose. And I know that you might be thinking, am I take a ******* allergy pill? Well, I am really stubborn. What just happened with my voice? I'm really stubborn and whenever I have a headache or whenever I have allergies, I. Convince myself that I can handle it on my own. I'm like my body can handle it. I don't need to take Advil. I don't need to take Claritin. I don't need to take. Medicine to help with these issues. I get stubborn and I'm like, no, I want to handle it on my own. Why? I don't know. It's this, like, weird. Complex I have in my brain where I'm like unless it's an emergency I don't want to put. Medicine into my body, which is just stupid because it's like taking an allergy pill would just help with the problem and then we could move on. But for some reason I'm stubborn and want to do it myself. Like I want to prove to myself. Like my body can solve this problem. It's on its own. Why my subconscious mind works like that, I don't know, but I I can't hear myself talk right now because my ears are so clogged up for my allergies anyway. Whatever. What are we talking about today? We're talking about? You. Because today we're doing advice session #10. I can't believe I've done nine of these. I can't believe that we're on to our 10th. This is crazy to me. Happy 10th anniversary to advice session. Love it. If you don't know what advice session is, it's basically where I ask you guys to tell me what your. Struggling with on the Twitter at AG podcast you guys tweet at me, DM, me stuff that you're going through dealing with in your life that you want advice on. I take all 19 years of my knowledge and wisdom and give you guys the best advice I possibly can. And. 19 years of wisdom is not a lot of wisdom, but I absolutely do my best. So on that note, let's get into it. OK, somebody said. How do I ask my parents for therapy? I think that. Not a lot of people. Especially adults realize that therapy is not just for somebody who has gone through a traumatic event. Life itself is. Not easy. Whether things have been relatively calm for you your whole life or you've had. Dozens of traumatic events. Life itself is not easy. Just existing is a challenge. And because of that. I believe that. Everybody should try therapy. Whether. You're just kind of. Confused about where you want to go with your life? Whether you went through a traumatic event. Or if everything seems completely fine. I think therapy can be useful. I don't think therapy is just for people who have gone through something extremely traumatic. In that moment. I think everybody can benefit from talking. Everybody. Personally for me, I haven't found a way to. Incorporate therapy into my life that. Works. I'm still trying to figure that out. I've tried it. I've tried a few therapists, some of them have been good, some of them not so much. And I'm still trying to figure out, you know? How I can incorporate therapy into my own personal life but. I think explaining to your parents that everybody can benefit from therapy, everybody can benefit from talking to a professional on how to make life better, more enriched and. Work through things that you may not even realize you're dealing with. You know what I'm saying? There might be something that happened when you were younger. Maybe it was like your sister used to pick on you a lot that now makes you behave differently. And you may not even realize it, but it may have given you some sort of. Insecurity issues that you would never know were, you know, connected to the fact that your sister used to bully you as a kid. But now as an adult you realize, Oh my God, I'm, you know, really insecure. And I have a really hard time making friends that are girls because I'm constantly afraid that they're going to judge me or. Look down to me and it makes me insecure, like you might not even realize that that's going on. But going to a therapist and talking about everything can help you realize why you behave the way that you do. And it can be extremely useful and if you feel like you need therapy. Then you are absolutely entitled to ask for it. I would say you go to your parents and you say this. Listen, guys love you. What's for dinner? But also. I've been feeling like I want. To talk. To somebody about my problems and. I don't really feel comfortable maybe doing that. With people that I know personally and I would really, really like to try therapy because I feel like it could help with my mental health. Help with my. Development and. I would just really like to try it. Are you guys OK with that? And honestly? If your parents aren't. Immediately saying absolutely yes, we'll send you tomorrow then. Go to your school and be like, hey. Do you guys have a counselor here that I could talk to? Do you have a therapist I could talk to here? Figure out if there's a way that you can even set something up yourself. I think that if you feel like you need therapy, do absolutely everything you can to get it. But also, I think the likelihood. Of your parents saying absolutely. Is pretty high. Somebody said I feel like I will never have a good career just because right now I don't know what to do with my life. I'm in college. But don't know what to do in the future. Any advice? I totally understand this feeling because when I was in high school I was convinced that I was never going to have a good career. I was convinced and I. Became obsessed with getting the perfect grades with getting. The perfect attendance with being the perfect student, because I thought that that would lead me to having some sort of good job. And. As hard as I was working on all of that, deep down I knew that I didn't have a passion my initial. Kind of goal for my career was to do something in the medical field. Because I liked biology and I liked chemistry and so I was like, OK, that kind of makes sense. I guess. I didn't love those things. I wasn't passionate about those things, but they came relatively naturally to me and. So I was like, OK, I guess this is what I should do. It makes decent money and. I'm going to have to go to school for like 15 years, but whatever. Like, if that's what I need to do, then that's what I'll do. Like, I just wanna be successful, right? And so I found myself kind of settling in a sense and. Setting this kind of dreadful goal for myself just because I wanted to. Feel like my future had some promise now. What happened to me was very odd, which was that I did not expect to end up. Having a career on the Internet, right, like that's definitely the last thing I expected, and it happened to me a lot sooner than I would have expected as well. And I don't. And and the truth of the matter is, it fell into my lap. I didn't expect. This to be my job. I started YouTube, I started social media, I started doing a podcast. All of that. All because. I enjoyed doing it and because it was kind of a passion for me, and then it eventually became my job. Now that's great, right? Having your job and your passion be intertwined. And that's obviously everybody's ultimate goal, right? They're always like, I want my job and my passion to be intertwined. But. I don't think that that's the route for everybody and I also don't necessarily think it's the best route and I think it's romanticized because as much as I love my passion and my job being intertwined. It it also can kind of ruin the passion for you sometimes. Because the 2nd that money becomes involved. It's hard to not look at your passion like a business. And that sucks because that kind of takes the magic out of it. Now I've found a way to fall back in love with all of this stuff, but at the end of the day, I still. Sometimes have a hard time. Finding the line and finding the balance. And. I think a way that you can take the pressure off yourself is to look at it like this. There's two options, right? One is you find something that you're passionate about coincidentally, and eventually that makes you money. That's a scenario where it's kind of going to fall into your lap. You can't really plan that. You can't plan to be passionate about something. It just falls in your lap. But the other scenario is that you just find a job. That maybe you're not necessarily extremely passionate about, but you find a job that allows you. Space to find your passion, right? So let's say you don't really have anything you're passionate about in this present moment. And you get a job at. A bank? I don't know. You get a job at a bank and your hours are from 6:00 AM to 1:00 PM every day. OK? You may not be passionate about working at a bank, but your hours are so that after 1:00 PM you can do whatever you want with your life and the rest of your day. And once you clock out, you're clocked out and you can go do live your life. You know what I'm saying? And so then. You can use that time to figure out what you're passionate about and to develop your passions in life. And. You may never make money from your passion. That's fully possible, but that's also fully OK. A job doesn't necessarily need to be. Something that you're passionate about, I think. I I think that that's almost an impossible request. Half the time. It's about finding a job that allows you space. To have a good life around it. And I honestly think that both scenarios are have really, really great things about them and have really, really hard things about them. There's no, you know, solid answer, but I think the first step to taking the pressure off your career is. To realize that your career doesn't need to be your passion, it doesn't. I I don't think that it does. And I actually think sometimes it can be better if it isn't, because here's another point. If your career has nothing to do with your passion or your personal life, then you can look at it as a separate entity. This is just how I make money, so that I can support my passions and support myself so that I can have the best life possible. You know. And I also think it can be kind of nice to have a job. That's not your passion, because. You clock in at a certain time, and you clock out at a certain time, and after that you don't need to think about it anymore. You know what I'm saying? Whereas when your job is your passion, you're thinking about it 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and there's no break. You know what I'm saying? Ever. There's no break when your job is your passion. And that's not necessarily as great as it sounds because it's really hard to create balance. It's really hard to like, turn it off and be like, OK, I'm in, I'm living in my personal life now. Because. Your creative endeavors and your passions and your. Money and work all get intertwined together, and I also think that money can sometimes. Stifle creativity. And. Thus taking away some of your passion for the thing that you were once passionate about. So do you see what I'm saying here? My point is, don't put so much pressure on yourself to find the perfect. Job. Because everybody's path is so different and. It will fall into your lap and you'll make it happen. If you want to make it happen, you'll make it ******* happen. If you want to get a job at a certain place, you might not be able to do that today, but you can absolutely start taking the steps today to make that dream happen. Anything is possible. Anything. You just can't stop working at it. And along the way, your goals may change. But it it will be absolutely fine and you will figure it out. Don't rush it. It'll fall into your lap. And take it day by day. People are always so concerned about the future, as if we. Know that we're gonna live tomorrow. You know what I'm saying? You have to live in the moment right now. In this moment, you're in college. Focus on being in college. You'll ******* figure it out. Once you graduate, you'll figure it out. You'll make it happen and you will be fine. You just have to remember, I'm going to be fine no matter what happens. And if you remind yourself of that, the fear goes away, the pressure goes away. And then everything just starts falling into your lap. That's how the universe works, I swear to God. It's like once you take the pressure off, and once you take the fear away and you just trust the universe, everything falls into your lap. We're talking about Macy's again. My favorite one stop shop is such a beloved friend to anything goes. Macy's is the best because it really has something for everyone in every occasion. Whether it's clothes, HomeGoods, cooking Ware, whatever it may be, Macy's has something for you in the spirit of everybody having their own individual Macy's shopping experience. They're making us feel like true VIP's for the next couple of weeks because Macy's VIP sale has arrived just in time to get everything you need to cozy up this fall. From September 23rd to October 3rd, get 30% off regular sale and clearance items plus. 15% off beauty and again, outside of beauty, that's 30% off. Pretty much everything from clothing, shoes and handbags to home decor and appliances. It's happening at Macy's. You want to know what I'm going to get? I'm going to get scarves because I really wanna have a scarf. I live in California. It's only cold for like 3 months here and it's not even that cold. Like it never snows, but I need to be leaning into the winter attire this year because last year I wasn't going hard enough. So I will be picking up a few things from Macy's. If you need to get some stuff for fall, check out Macy's. Com. That's Macy's com. You'll find what you need. I can guarantee you that. Somebody said I'm going to shift to another continent this year. Any advice on how to make new friends without being awkward? It's like I try, but it ends up getting awkward. PS I love you. I love you so much. OK, this is what I do, OK? And it's it seems fake or like artificial, but I really don't think it is. I think it's just teaching yourself how to be comfortable with new people. First, I want you to start out by thinking of somebody that has this sense of swag and. Nonchalance about them when they're talking to new people. It might be one of your family members, it might be one of your friends, might be somebody that you met, and you're just impressed by their calmness. Think about that person and think about how they act right. Now. When you're meeting a new person, they don't know. Whether or not you're maybe an awkward person, right? They don't know. It's a fresh slate. You can be whoever you want to this person when you first meet them. You know what I'm saying? Like your first impression is all up to you. You can handle it however you want. And. You have to give yourself this like false sense of confidence. And just. Go into it. Faking that? You're confident that? You're not awkward that. You're comfortable having the conversation that you're having. Go into it and fake it. Like? Just be like, hey, my name's blank, nice to meet you and just be chill. Like just and and literally act like you are the person. That I mentioned earlier that like you know personally, that just has this nonchalance about them, almost imitate them and. Chances are, you'll only have to do that a handful of times. Before it becomes real and and that becomes how you handle. Meeting new people because The thing is. You just have to train yourself out of your old habits of maybe letting the awkward silences go on for a little bit too long or. You know, walking up to people and kind of having your shoulders shrugged. It's just practice. And you just have to practice approaching new people with confidence. It's that simple, and it's uncomfortable, and it might feel fake and it might feel a little bit wrong in the beginning, but over time you'll get better at it and it'll become a part of you and you'll figure out. How to kind of make it your own. It starts with imitating somebody that you admire who has this social confidence, but then it ends up becoming who you are. You know what I'm saying? And you end up turning it into something that's truly you. Whether that's by, you know, having a That you use when you meet new people, being like, hey, you know, my name's this like, you know, I'm. I'm new around here. Like whatever it may be, like the words that you use will change and become more you overtime and those types of things will evolve and become more you. But it's like you have to start somewhere. And So what I do is if I like want to adopt A new trade or something like that, I start by copying somebody that I admire that does this the same thing. You know what I'm saying? And there's nothing wrong with that. Like, it's not weird, it's not a bad thing. It doesn't mean you're a phony or a fake. It has to start somewhere, you know what I'm saying? And there's no harm in taking inspiration from other human beings. That's we're meant to do that. We're built to do that. OK, next somebody said, hey am. I was wondering what to do to take a friendship to the next level, like from slight awkwardness to bestie material. Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about. It's funny. It's like in the beginning of a friendship. You're on egg shells a little bit, you know what I mean? You're kind of like, OK, I don't wanna be too weird. I don't wanna be, you know? I don't wanna ask them to hang out too much like whatever. The only remedy to this that I've found is. Spending a lot of time together with this person, it's all about time spent together. That's what grows comfortability, whether it's with a best friend or it's with a boy that you want to date for me anyways, for my experience, but in general, a person that you would want to date like. No matter what it is, the more time you spend together, the more comfortable you're gonna get with them and and it's just that and. I would say a great way to kind of jumpstart it is to have a sleepover, because there's something about sleepovers that's very. Bonding. You know what I'm saying? Because. Not only are you spending a significant amount of time with somebody you know what 15 hours, including the time that you're sleeping like it's sleepovers. You hang out for a long period of time, but also when your new friends with somebody. It's exciting and so you guys are going to stay up and you guys are going to talk about your lives and maybe get a little bit deep. I feel like there's something about sleepovers where it's like. You get deep, you know what I mean? You start talking about **** that you wouldn't normally talk about. Because it's dark out and it feels safer and I don't know how to explain it, but I think for me, sleepovers always are a game changer for becoming closer with somebody. Specifically. Friends, you know, because. It just inspires like a deep convo and like, that's what just gets you more and more comfortable. Because the more you guys learn about each other, the more comfortable you're going to get. So have a sleepover. Have some deep late night thought talks and. Have fun. Somebody said hi, Emma. I would like some advice on choosing wisely when it's time to move out. I really would like to live in New York City since it's a few hours from my family, but I don't think I could handle the hustle and bustle and want to live quietly. I know you've said being in the heart of LA is stressful and things get tiring, so I would like some input on what to do coming from somebody who lives in a busy city. I love you so much and I hope you're doing well. Well, thank you, and I love you too. OK, so here are my thoughts. You would be shocked at how well you will be able to adapt to whatever situation. The world throws at you or to whatever situation you decide to put yourself in if you decide to move to New York City, and that's what you want to do. You will adapt. And you will learn to love it and. You will be completely fine, OK? Like. If you wanna move to New York, yeah, it is kind of crazy, but you can find. Peacefulness in New York City, whether it's in, you know your. Cozy apartment, or it's at a cozy coffee shop that's maybe on a less busy St like you'll be able to find that calmness if you really want to. And when it comes to getting used to the rustle and bustle of a big city, you will adapt. And you will figure it out if you want to. It might take a little bit of work and it might be a little bit uncomfortable in the beginning, but if this is something that you really want to do. Believe in yourself and believe that you're going to be able to adapt. Because as humans, that's what we do. When we get put into a new setting or a new type of situation, we adapt. How many times can I ******* say adapt in the sentence? But seriously, like, I think we as humans underestimate. How capable we are of making the most of whatever situation we put ourselves in seriously. We're more than capable of that and believe in yourself and believe that you can do that **** because you can't. New York is an amazing city. I personally love it. I don't know what living in it would be like. But. I say that you you send it and I say you do it. And I also say that, you know, if you're kind of hesitant about moving out in general. Because you're scared of, you know, not having that safety net of your family. Remember this. It's never gonna fully feel like the right time to move out. There's always gonna be that doubt in the back of your head. That's like, OK, but it's so comfortable and easy to just live at home. And I get that, you know? As eager as I was to move out, I still had that thought in the back of my head. That was like, but it's so easy and safe to just live with my mom, you know? Like, it's so easy. It's all. It's also like when you know you're getting ready to have a child. No matter how eager you are to have a child, there's always going to be that voice in the back of your head that's saying, well, but. This is a lot. You know what I mean? This is gonna be a lot. There's always gonna be that voice in the back of your head. And if you're ready and you have all of the means to do it, I say you moved to New York. You give it a try, and guess what if it doesn't work for you after about a year or so? You leave and you try something else. You know there's nothing holding you in one space you can move. Anywhere, you know what I'm saying? Like you don't need to stay there and trust me if you can live in New York. You can live anywhere because it does not seem easy, but it seems like it could be really worth it in a lot of fun. So I say you give it a try. OK. The next question is actually kind of similar to the last one. Should I go to College in LA? Do you think being an influencer and living in LA is? A different experience than living there and not being one. Yes, 1000% I think living in LA. If you weren't an influencer would be 50 times more fun. And and listen, I don't want to be negative. I am so grateful for the life that I have. I'm so grateful for the experiences that I've had in LA too. But here's the reason why living in LA as an influencer is different than living in LA as. A. Say person that doesn't want to, you know, have a following on the Internet, right? So being an influencer in LA is tough because a lot of other influencers live here, right? And as with everything, influencers tend to know each other. You know what I mean? It's like a lot of musicians tend to know each other. A lot of actors tend to know each other because they are invited to similar events and stuff like that. So like, you end up meeting everybody. And because of that and because, you know, all the influencers kind of know each other. It's kind of like a high school in a sense. Where there's drama, everybody knows each other. People date each other. People then break up and date each other. Somebody else that they know. Like everybody knows each other. So chances are like. When you go to an event or a party, you're going to see 20 people that, you know, because influencers all hang out and kind of accumulate together. And that's the part of it that I don't necessarily love just because I don't like the fact that I'm not meeting a lot of new people because of the space that I'm in and I'm just kind of seeing influencers. And and that's not necessarily what the type of people that I want to hang out with because actually I want an escape from that when I'm being social, you know what I'm saying? Like I want to talk to people that have different life experiences than me and have a different. Career, you know, because that's what's gonna that that will diversify you know my knowledge of the world when I meet people like that that have. A different job to me and a different lifestyle to me, but influencers all kind of have a similar lifestyle and they all kind of have a similar job. And it's like, I don't want to talk about that stuff. Like I want to talk about different stuff, I want to talk about, you know? I want to talk to somebody who is a real estate agent for Fox sake and like talk about what that's like. That's interesting to me. I like that. And obviously, you know, I could work a little bit harder for sure to find those people in LA because they absolutely exist, but it's not easy because. I'm kind of stuck. It feels like in this influencer social circle, and I don't love it, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's not something that's necessarily super inspiring to me, not because it's personal to the people at all, but simply because I want to learn more about the world in general. And so being around a bunch of people that do the same thing as me is just not necessarily super inspiring. And again, that has nothing to do with. Umm. With those people personally, it's not personal at all, but it's just in general, you know what I'm saying? So. That's the reason why living in LA is an influencer can be kind of hard. It's also very competitive and like people are very competitive with you, like what parties one person's getting into versus the other. Who has the most up-to-date fashion sense, like it's very competitive and. And it can be really negative as well because of that competitiveness. You know what I'm saying, like to be the most up to date with the most fashion trends or to you know, be invited to the most parties like that stuff is just so surface level and empty to me and I hate it, but that's very much the. Root of. What influencers care about as a whole. And you know, it's tough. It can be really tough. But. On the other hand, if you move here and you are not an influencer and you have no interest in being an influencer and you're just moving to LA for school or just because you want to be in Southern California because it's fun, it's great here. There's actually really a lot of great things about LA. You're really close to the beach. The beaches in LA are gorgeous. You know, there's endless amounts of things to do. It is fast-paced, but not really, you know what I'm saying? Like, it's not actually that fast-paced. It's like New York is fast-paced, you know what I'm saying? ***** moving, you gotta keep moving, but in LA you it's not like that as much. You know it's a lot more relaxing and you can live a very chill life. Here things are a lot more spread out and. I think you could make living in LA an absolute dream. I think it's just really hard for me because I'm stuck in this cycle of being like, ah. I wanna, you know, branch out and meet new people. But then being like, I don't know where to do that and like all the people I know are influencers, like, it's very hard. I've done a pretty good job at. You know. Not necessarily meeting. People that are out of the public eye, cause that's pretty hard. It's like it's weird. It's weird how? People who are in the public eye and and have a following on social media for whatever they may do, whether it's music, acting. Social media YouTube. Like social media in general, you know, like talk and stuff like that. YouTube. Music producer DJ like, whatever it is they tend to like, cling to one another and all you know, socialize with one another. And I think the closest I've gotten to, you know, branching out from the influencer circle is to just start to hang out with people that. Maybe in the public eye, but they also like do something different to me and I think that that's. Been really exciting and given me the kind of. Depth in conversation that I've been looking for because, you know. People that say act have a very different work life than I do, and so that's very interesting to me. So stuff like that is great. But the other thing about being an influencer in LA is that everybody's like trying to use each other to get somewhere in the industry. And that's really tough, too, because you don't know, you know, people's true intentions. Because at a party. 99% of the people there are people who are doing the same thing as you and want to be the best. And so that's another thing that causes a lot of anxiety is like. OK, all the people here like have the same goal in mind and that's to. Be more famous, which I personally don't have that goal, but like a lot of people do, which I understand. But being around that energy can be very stressful because there's not a lot of genuineness in it. So it's hard. Clothes are one of the many ways that we express ourselves and we're constantly switching up our wardrobes. To reflect our interests and styles. But one thing that is a little bit more difficult to switch up is our glasses. Until now, because now with pair eyewear. You can have a different frame every day, OK? With pair eyewear, you start with a chic pair of glasses, right? That look great just by themselves, but they have a special secret. Which is that they have at little. Magnet inside so you can snap on. A cool frame on top of your existing glasses. I got the crystal clear Reese base frame which is just a really chic pair of all clear glasses. The frame is clear obviously the lenses are clear and I got a tortoise frame and a Plaid frame so I can now it. Basically I have 3 pairs of reading glasses now. There are so many options, iconic base shapes and then all sort of frames to go on top retro classic neon sparkle. You'll definitely find your vibe I also love. Buying from a brand that really, really cares and pair provides glasses to a child in need for every pair that you buy. Get glasses as ever, changing as you are with pear. Go to pair for 15% off your first purchase. That's 15% off at PAIR Somebody said I hang out with people that I really like, but they've been friends for much longer and I feel excluded every time we hang out because they whisper and share secrets. Feels like I'm just running after them. I'm done with high school in a month. Should I just let it go? Personally, I would say yes, let it go. Because here's the thing, you may like them, and they might be sweet to you to a certain extent, but there's no reason to waste your energy on people that aren't putting 100% into your friendship. And if you're going to be leaving high school anyway, move on from this. You can stay friends with them. You can stay, you know. Cordial with them and and have like a. Distant relationship, but these shouldn't be your go to people because clearly they're not including you enough and that's just not fair and you don't deserve that. And I can guarantee out of the 7 billion people on this planet, you could find a few friends out there that would include you 100 times more than these girls are. So I would say you ditch it and make new friends in college. You don't need to deal with this. Somebody said, hey Emma, recently I've been craving a relationship. I've never had one in my life, so I don't know what to expect, but I feel this void. I've grown as an individual and I know who I am. Does this void feeling inside need filling with a relationship, or do I still have growing to do? Well, you know, the hard thing is, throughout life, I feel like we're always gonna have some sort of void. Like I think that's inevitable and I think that. We're always gonna try to fill it with something and. It seems right now that you're thinking that. A relationship could fill this void. I have some good and bad news for you. Some good news is that you seem really self aware. About the fact that you have this void and that you want to fill it now, that's really great, because being aware of that means that you're less likely to unhealthily fill your void with with a new relationship because you're aware of it. That's a huge step one. The bad news I have is that. Relationships don't tend to fill voids. They might in the very beginning, when you're in the honeymoon phase and everything seems like a dream come true. You may feel that void be filled for a period of time, but once the relationship settles in and the honeymoon phase is over and it's time to get back to your normal life. That void is going to be empty again, so here's my take on it. I would say you're probably ready for a relationship, and even if you're not, what you learn from having one. Is. Irreplaceable, and it's crucial. And if you want one then like go for it. But I will tell you that the chance of that void being filled by the relationship is slim to none. It's probably not going to fill that void so. Go ahead, pursue relationships. But while you're doing that, pursue things in your personal life. That only have to do with you. That can help to fill that void, whether that's. You know what I'm about to say. If you guys listen to this podcast? Getting a hobby, whether that's getting into, you know, cooking or exercising or reading like, whatever it may be like, find something that makes your day-to-day life a little bit more enriched. And that will help to fill that void much more than a relationship would. But I also think that like. Relationships teach you a lot and can actually also enrich your life if it's the right person. So. I say just keep your eyes peeled and try to find a Bay. But also read a book or something. That's my two cents. Somebody said, how can I get away from friends that I feel like don't like me anymore because if I drop them, I'll be alone. Well, you probably will be alone for a period of time, and there are going to be periods of time throughout your life where you're alone. It's just inevitable, because as you grow as a human, you're going to grow in and out of friendships, and in between those friendships you're going to have moments alone, and those moments alone are really important. For figuring out what you need in a friendship for figuring out. Who you really are and for. Reigniting your relationship with your inner self. That alone time is crucial and it's not something to dread and it's not something to be afraid of. I personally have grown to love alone time, and when friendships kind of drift away, I'm not afraid of that anymore because I know that the alone time. That I'm going to have. Once a friendship drifts away, it's going to be really useful time for me. To kind of check in with myself and to figure out what's next for me, you know, and the other thing is if you're not afraid. Of a long time, and you're not afraid of moments of loneliness. If you can release that. It gives you so much. Freedom. Because you're never gonna be in a friendship that's negative again. You're never going to put up with **** that you don't have to put up with ever again. Because you're not going to be afraid of being alone. People stay in toxic relationships, toxic friendships, because they're afraid of being alone and they waste so much time. But if you let go of that and you say, you know what? I'm not afraid of being alone. I'm not scared of that. Then you're going to start attracting friendships and relationships that are so much more positive and healthy and. Life. Enriching like enriching for your life. Somebody said hi bestie so really quick. I just need your help because I miss my best friend. Since the pandemic, my parents won't let me go out. It's been a year since I saw my friends and of course they're all forgetting about me and it makes me feel so sad seeing how they're all moving on and living their lives without me. What should I do? I'm literally so sad, but I feel like I don't have any options because my parents won't let me go out because of COVID. But I can't get mad at my friends either for hanging out without me, obviously. So... Let me remind you of the big picture here, OK? The big picture is this. Once your parents let you go out again, and you're allowed to hang out with your friends whenever you want. The truth of the matter is, things are gonna go back to normal. I have a friend from high school that I only see like once a year, right? And throughout the year we live our lives. We don't talk, like, at all, OK? Like literally not at all. Like, rarely. But every time we see each other, it's like we never left. Seriously. And it's crazy to me because I'm always like, God, I've not been checking up on you like you haven't been checking up on me. Like we don't even know what's going on. But the second that we're together again, it's like nothing ever happened, and we're not even necessarily very close anymore. Like, really not. And I doubt she would consider me even one of her best friends now, which is totally fine and and vice versa. Like, we've grown a lot, but we're still friends, of course, but we're not best friends by any means anymore. But. Every time we see each other again, it's always. Fun because. The truth of the matter is. When you start spending time with somebody again, whether it's been a year or whether it's been a week or whether it's been a day, like things just go back to normal very quickly because as humans were, we're not like. We just want things to be fun, you know what I'm saying? So once you're allowed to go out and hang out with your friends again, I can almost guarantee that things are gonna go back to normal almost like nothing ever happened. So for right now, focus on you. Ignore the fact that they're hanging out without you and the 2nd that this is over, then take the steps to rebuilding that friendship and I can guarantee it will go back to normal so quickly. You just have to ride this out. And then everything's going to be fine. Somebody said my best friend sometimes decides to fall out on me for no reason, just starts ignoring me. Most of the time we get along so well and have so much fun. I don't understand why he just changes up so fast. Should I keep being friends with him? Communication. It's time to have a talk with your friend. It's time to have a conversation with your friend. Don't just run away. Don't just say ah, this is too much work. I'm out. This is like too upsetting. I'm out. No, have a conversation with your friend. Sit him down and be like, listen, dude. I love you. I love our friendship. We have so much fun together, but every once in a while you just run away from me and. I just want to know why, like, it really upsets me. I take it personally. Is this something that's personal to me or is this something that you know you are dealing with and have that conversation? And chances are, after you have this conversation, you guys are going to be closer than ever, and your friend is gonna feel more apt to. Tell you what's going on. When they start to kind of quote UN quote disappear, they're gonna feel. More apt to lean on you. Because you've showed that you care and that you're paying attention. OK, so I've told you guys about circle before, right? Spelled CIRKUL. Circle was created for people like me, OK, who don't drink enough water every day circles basically this water bottle with over 40 flavor cartridges that makes drinking water way more tasty. The flavors cover all the bases. 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Just visit drink circom Emma. That's drink CIRUL com Emma to get this limited time offer today again, that's Somebody said what are your thoughts on engagement after only knowing slash dating somebody for barely a year? Everybody knows the phrase if you know, you know, but how could you possibly know enough about somebody after a year? This is. I mean, I don't personally have experience with this because. I am not engaged and I don't plan on being engaged for for a long time, but. Unfortunately, I think that a lot of people think that they know and they don't, especially if they're really young. I think that. Young people especially. Feel love for the first time and they're like, Oh well, this has to be the one. I'm never going to feel loved like this again. Like this is the most. Love I've ever felt towards a person. Like, how am I ever supposed to feel this again? This has to be my person, you know, when in reality they're just feeling love for the first time and chances are they'll probably feel it a few more times again in their life now. Personally. And this is just me, right? I am just talking from my experience, in my opinion, and this is no judgment to anybody who has quickly gotten engaged. Or. Whatever. Like, this is no judgment towards those people. And if that's like a decision that you've made, I completely respect you. But I I'm giving my my opinion for myself and for everybody. Anybody who like. You know, is maybe kind of lost and wants to hear my perspective. That's all this is so, like, again, no judgment, right? I personally think that. There's just no reason to rush into it, and the longer. Time. You have to get to know somebody before you commit to them like that. The better. I really think that. You should not rush a decision like that. And I think so many people are so quick to rush a decision like that without fully understanding the potential repercussions. OK, because if you marry somebody. Really early on. And you have a kid with them really early on because you're convinced that they're your person. While there's a 5050 shot that they're not OK and if you made all these? Quick decisions when you're young. And you started a family and did all this and then, you know, 15 years down the line, your kids a teenager and you're like, I don't love this person anymore. I don't want to do this anymore. Well, now you have to get divorced, OK? And then that affects your your child and that affects. The rest of your life. You know. And that. Is something that could possibly be avoided. By getting to know your partner a lot more before you commit with everything in you to that person. You know. I think that rushing into things is never a good idea personally. OK? And you know, there can be some Unicorn situations where. You know, people get married the first month that they know each other, and they stay married for the rest of their lives and have a beautiful family and it just works. And do you know what? I'm not going to take that away from those people. But I would say for a majority of people. It it definitely makes more sense to wait. And there's just no reason to rush it. The other thing is. When you're young. You are one version of yourself. But as you grow up, you you change a lot. You change a lot. I'm a fully different person than I was a year ago. You know and. If somebody falls in love with me right now. In five years. I'm going to be a completely different person and so unless they grow with me. And unless they. Are willing to accept the changes that are going to happen with who I am? Then. Even if they were in love with me at one point when I was young or right now, they might not be in love with me in five years. You see what I'm saying? Like that's I'm using myself as an example. Like, I know I'm going to change over the next 5-10 years. And so if somebody's in love with me now, I have to be OK with the fact that that may go away, because I'm not going to be the same me. In five years, even in one year, you know what I'm saying? Relationships can be. Perfect. For. The time being. Because you and your significant other have the same views on the world and have the same goals, etcetera, etcetera. But as your goals and morals and priorities shift, you guys might not align anymore. After you guys develop and that's just a part of it. So the longer that you spend with somebody, the better because it proves, OK, wait, we're growing together, we're evolving together and we have the same trajectory and it's solid and it's been solid for the past five years. We've kept it solid. Which is a very great telltale sign that things are going to last. For the next five years, you see what I'm saying, but how are you going to know? Unless you test it for a while, you know what I'm saying, so I don't know. That's just my take on it. But people can do whatever they want and everybody's so different and everybody's relationship is so different. And I'm never one to judge, but that's just my. Two cents. OK, next somebody said so there's this girl who I have a crush on on Instagram and I don't know if I should DM her. Like, I think I would look like a creep. We have similar friends, but that's it. You know. Dimming on Instagram is tough because I think it is tough not to feel creepy when you're doing it. You know what I mean? Like. It it does feel creepy, but I think it's all about how you go about it. I think the best way to go about it is to do it in a joking manner. Say something kind of funny. Maybe even slide up on one of her stories. Like respond to one of her stories. Make it super casual. Make it funny if you can. Not like a pick up line though. Like don't be creepy like cause that can get creepy like something friendly, something super respectful, super tame. And I think that you're fine. You know, I think it's only creepy if you're trying to like do a pick up line right off the bat. Maybe compliment her outfit or compliment you know her makeup or something. If you you know that's actually that's as far as I would go with it. You know if you want to be flirty, but in general just be friendly. Like just. Say like. Something super casual and you'll be totally fine. And I say you send it. Somebody said, do you think that it would be considered cheating if you had been talking to somebody for almost a year and they told you multiple times that they were in love with you? But then you go and have sex with a couple of people, but due to certain circumstances you haven't been able to actually date the person you've been talking to. Do I think that this is cheating? No. But do I think that this is not great? Yes. OK. Like I it's not cheating cause you're not dating. I mean, simple as that. If you're not dating, then it can't be cheating, you know? But that doesn't mean that it's necessarily fair. To the other party involved, right? Listen. In my opinion, it's always best to. Be loyal to anybody that you're talking to. In a given moment, you know what I'm saying? That's the way that I my brain is wired, and that's what makes me feel the best and makes me feel. The least icky about the whole situation, right? But I know that everybody's different. I don't think it's cheating. I don't think it's anything to feel guilty about or, you know, mad at yourself for if you're the one that. Went and hooked up with other people. But I think that. In general rule of thumb, you know. It's not the best thing to do and if you want a future with this person, I would say you avoid. Talking to anybody else, even if you guys aren't officially dating yet, if there's like a spark there and you want it to go somewhere at some point, I would say avoid doing those things. You know? Because even when I've been in talking phases with guys, the 2nd that I'm like, this is somebody I would date. I cut off all ties with all the other guys immediately because I don't want. To get in the way of the connection that I have with this person, and I don't want to get in the way of developing that potential relationship. And so even though I technically could go and talk to other guys in the meantime before things become official, I don't want to do that because I don't want to jeopardize what could potentially happen with this situation and also put yourself in the other person's shoes. How would you feel if they were going and hooking up with other people? Probably not so great. So it's like. Treat others how you'd want to be treated. As simple as that. The golden rule. You know what I'm saying? Would you be OK with them doing that? No, probably not. So don't do it yourself. You know what I mean. And if you've already done it, then **** it. You didn't break any rules technically, and you probably learned a lesson from it. I wouldn't do it again, but at the same time you aren't technically cheating, but I think that stringing somebody along that's in love with you and then going and having sex with other people. Is just. It's. It's gonna hurt that other person and. In general in life, a rule of thumb I like to live by is just. Treat other treat others like you'd like to be treated, but also do your absolute best not to harm anybody else. You know what I mean. Even if you're not technically breaking the rules, if there's a chance that you could be hurting somebody by what you're doing, don't do it. Point blank. Just try not to do it. You know. It's like if you want to be with other people, then don't string on string along this person who's in love with you. Just cut it off. If it's not going anywhere, cut it off. Because they're going to get hurt, you know what I mean? And it's gonna be really painful for them, so just end it before it like implodes in both of your faces. Somebody said hi Emma, I'm going to have a knee surgery this summer and I won't be able to walk or bend my knee for at least eight weeks. I'm very scared of that whole process. Any advice? With situations like this that seem so ******* unfair and so inconvenient and so upsetting. It it can be really hard to find a silver lining, but finding a silver lining is what you have to do in order to make this. Seem a lot less painful. With your specific situation, I would say. Read a book. Find a book that you really want to read. I can give you a recommendation. I'm reading east of Eden right now by John Steinbeck. It's an amazing book. It's very interesting. It's very. Engaging the beginning is a little bit slow, like the first chapter or so is a little bit slow, but then it picks up and it's great. That's a great book. There's thousands of bazillions of books. Pick up a book and get excited about reading it because. You might find a new passion for reading. While we're recovering from the surgery, who knows? Find other things that you can do while recovering from the surgery that are exciting to you. Try to find a new passion. Use this time wisely. You're going to have all this time to, you know, find a new creative passion. Possibly. Maybe that means drawing or art of some sort. You know, you're gonna have a lot of time to practice that. Or maybe it is, you know, ******* doing crossword puzzles. I don't know, like, whatever it may be. Write a list of a bunch of things that you could do. During this eight-month recovery period and create goals for yourself like I want to read one book. I want to make one piece of art that I'm proud of and I want to. Complete 15 crossword puzzles. Make a goal for yourself and it might seem small and it might even feel stupid to you. But having a goal to accomplish will distract you from the fact that. You know you can't really get out of bed, right? Use this time. To find something that you enjoy, that you didn't enjoy before, and that's going to actually end up being super, super rewarding, I think you should really pick up reading because I recently just got into reading and I love it and I think you should try it. Somebody said I used to be in a triangle of three. In a friend group. But we had a falling out and my best friend now and I aren't friends with the other girl that we were in the friendship with. We aren't talking because we aren't friends. The ex friend texted me randomly out of the blue saying that she accomplished something like what? It was so random. So I asked my best friend what I should do and she said to not reply and that she was probably just attention seeking. Do you have any advice on how I can properly establish that a friendship is over? Both sides know it, but the ex friend doesn't seem to understand. Now I'm about to go full. Mom advice on you right now. Like full mom advice on you. But it's because I see friendships and stuff like that in such a different light than I did when I was younger. When I was younger, I would have looked at the situation in a very similar way to you being like, I want this friendship to be over. I'm done talking to this girl. I never want to talk to her again. I'm done. And I want her to know that this friendship is over, whether it hurts her or me. Or not. I just wanted to be over, right? Well, let me propose an idea to you. What if? You let her know that the friendship was over. While still being kind. Because I don't know what this friend did to you. I don't know why you guys had a falling out but not responding when you know she wanted to share an accomplishment with you. Is probably not the best choice. Because you don't want to have enemies in this world. The best thing that you can do for yourself. Is to have the least amount of enemies possible in life and. By not responding to her when she's telling you about accomplishment and by. Trying to nail into her head that the friendship is over. That's possibly creating an enemy, and you don't need that negativity in your life. So here's how I would handle this situation specifically. Respond to her. Say congratulations. Keep it short. Keep it cordial. And then if she tries to start a conversation outside of that and be like, how have you been, stuff like that, that's when you don't respond, be kind, but then draw the line and you don't need to say, hey, we're done. She'll figure it out. You don't need to say that blatantly to her face, at least right now. Give it a second. Be kind. But you don't need to like. Engage in, you know. Extended conversation with her. Just congratulate her for accomplishment, even if she's attention seeking. Who cares? Just say congratulations. And then if she tries to continue the conversation after that, then you can you can drop off and you can stop responding. But I would say at least respond, at least congratulate her and in general be kind to her. You know what I mean? You don't want to have an enemy. But. Just don't hang out with her. If she asks you to hang out, just be like, oh, I'm sorry. Like, I don't think I have time. She'll figure it out. She'll figure it out. She'll get the message. You don't have to blatantly come out and be like, I don't want to be your friend anymore. I don't like you. Me and my friend don't like you anymore. You don't need to handle it like that. Let her go down easy and just kind of let the relationship fade naturally, OK? That'll be the healthiest way for all of you to move forward. And. She'll figure it out, but in the meantime, just be kind to her. You don't need to be her friend, but you can still be kind. You know any friend that I've had over the past 10 years? Whether it ended badly or not, if they came to me now and we're like, hey, what's up, I would be kind to them, even if I never want to be friends with them again. I've learned that that's what gets you the farthest in life, and that's what makes your life. The most drama free and the most. Easy. You know what I'm saying? You don't need drama. Drama is just dumb, you know? There's something to be said for humoring people, OK? Like. Even if you know that somebody's boasting about something, even if you know that somebody is bragging, or even if you know that you don't really want to be friends with somebody, there's something to be said for just being kind and just humoring them. And just kind of giving them what they want. But then separating yourself before it becomes a friendship, you know what I'm saying? Like it doesn't need to be become a friendship. You can be kind and you can humor them and you can give them the time of day without being their friend, 1000% you know? Somebody said I have a best friend who's kind of toxic, uses me for money, and I feel really anxious around them and they're always pressuring me to do things that I don't want to do. I can't really drop them right now, though, because they're suffering from really bad depression and I get anxiety because of their mental state. OK, I totally get this and this is really really tough and I've actually been in a similar situation to this before and I totally understand this pressure because. Part of you is like this. Friendship is not good for me. Like this friendship is totally tearing me apart, but at the same time, I'm scared that if I leave them, something will happen. That's one of the most uncomfortable, scary, and. Terrible spots to be in, ever. Truly, it's it's really one of the worst spots, and I know that this can happen even in toxic romantic relationships. It's. I get it, but at the end of the day. It sounds like this person is not treating you fairly OK. They're using you for your money, which is like, so ****** **. A friend should never do that to you. It sounds like you know they're not a good influence on you in general, and they're making your life substantially worse, OK? You have absolutely all the right to leave this friendship and. Their mental health is not your responsibility, OK? Now you can do everything in your power to be there for them. Whether you're friends with them or not. But. It's not your responsibility to be their friend and to take care of them through their struggles. It's just not your responsibility now. Here's what I would recommend, OK? And this is a really hard situation to be in, and there's virtually no right answer because on one hand it's like, well, if somebody struggling with depression, you can't just leave them. But on the other hand, it's like, yeah, but you can't torture yourself. You know what I mean. You can't. So here's what I would do. I would say this. Hey, I need to spend some time by myself. I think that I need to have some distance from this friendship. I need to figure some stuff out on my own. But in the meantime, I know that you're struggling with your mental health and I don't want to leave you hanging. And so. If you ever need to talk about this, feel free to call me, but I think that in general I need some space from this friendship. But if you ever need me, I'm here and you can word this however you want. But the key is. To leave a hand out. If they need help. But to separate yourself from the friendship as a whole, you know what I mean. But still, leave yourself as a resource for them if they need help. It's a really tough situation to be in, though. Somebody said so me and this guy started talking at the beginning of quarantine and it was going amazing, but I randomly lost the butterflies, but I saw it as losing feelings, so I ended things. I still can't figure out if I like him or not, but my friend says that she likes him and I'm very jealous. OK, well. A lot of times butterflies go away after the honeymoon phase is over because it's like you're all excited. In the beginning. It's like everything seems like a dream. Inevitably, the the butterflies kind of go away. And they'll come back periodically throughout your relationship, but you're not going to be in this constant state of butterflies for a whole relationship. It's impossible. It just doesn't work like that. So there is a decent chance that you still like him. And you know, that's something that you may need time to figure out, right? But As for? Your friend. That's when **** gets a little messy. If your friend likes him and you're jealous, that's another telltale sign that you may still like him. And it was just that the butterflies went away because that was the normal trajectory of the relationship. And now you're jealous because you're like, wait, I actually do like this guy. I think there's a decent chance that you still like him. But on the off chance that you actually don't like this guy anymore. That that still aligns with you being jealous of your friend liking him because as humans were territorial. Like, if one of my friends went and dated one of my ex boyfriends, I'd still be actually, I wouldn't really care at this point. I'm like far past it enough where I wouldn't care anymore. But like for the first few years after my breakups with those people, I would have absolutely been like. I don't like them anymore. But like, don't go do that. Like, you know what I'm saying now? In the present moment, I wouldn't care cause it's been long enough I've had enough distance. But back then, like, I would have still been jealous and angry, you know what I'm saying? So, and uncomfortable by it, you know what I'm saying? So I would say this could go either way. You may or may not have feelings for this guy. I would say hang out with him again, start hanging out with him again and see if like something comes up and if it doesn't then you know, whatever. And now you know. But like, I really don't know. Like it could really go either way. You know, you could. Easily be jealous just because it's a fresh cut. You know what I'm saying? You guys just ended things and now your friends all of a sudden. Trying to get in there, you know, but it also might be that. The relationship ended because the butterflies were gone, but not necessarily because the feelings were gone. That's something that only time will tell and. I would recommend going and hanging out with him again. Somebody said, and this is the last question I'm gonna answer today, what do you do when somebody is crying? This is a great, great question and because it's so awkward, right? But. Here's what I do when somebody starts crying. The biggest key is to not overreact, because I think a lot of times when somebody starts crying. In front of somebody else, the person who is not crying will be like, Oh no, no, are you OK? Don't cry, don't cry. Don't do that. Don't do that. What I recommend is silence. To be honest. When somebody starts crying, stay silent and give some sort of physical affection. If there's somebody that responds well to that, maybe put your hand on top of their hand. Maybe touch their arm and start like, you know, caressing their arm. Not in a creepy way. God bless. But like, you know what I'm saying? Just be. Nurturing in that moment and be a shoulder to cry on, you know? Pun intended. OK, like. Literally be a shoulder to cry on and just listen to them. And if they're just crying and not talking, just let them cry. Let them work through it. Crying is so normal, it's so healthy and you don't have to say anything. You don't have to say anything. Just listen. And if they ask for advice or if they ask for your two cents. Go ahead and give it, but let them lead the conversation. Let them lead. All of that you know, because it's confusing to try to handle it yourself, and you don't have to. You know what I'm saying? They're the ones that are struggling in that moment, so let them. Tell you what they need from you in that moment, and besides that, just be nurturing. Be comforting. Give them a hug if they're OK with it. Do whatever you may need to do, but silence. Just be silent. Take the pressure off yourself to like, know exactly what to say. You don't need to say anything. That's what I've learned over time. But anyway, on that note, I hope you guys enjoyed this advice session. I had a lot of fun hanging out with you guys today. Feel free to leave anything goes. A little review on Apple Podcasts? Give us a little five stars. Follow us on Twitter at AG podcast. I'd really appreciate it. And you can participate in the next advice session and the weekly Q&A portion of the podcast. What else? I hope you guys have an amazing day. Have an amazing week. I'll talk to you soon. I love you and care about you very much. Take care of yourself. Pick up a book. Put your phone down. Go for a walk. Love you.